Workman's Waste of Time

ARGUMENT

2009-11-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

I was going to write some lofty dispatch on corporate greed, and I'm certain I will before the month is up. But it's late and I'm tired, so instead I'll offer up one of my favorite Monty Python sketches: Argument Clinic.

THANKS, VETS

2009-11-11T02:00:00.001-08:00

I’ve not had much contact with the military in my life. I’ve got an uncle who reached a very high rank in the Marines, and my grandfathers both served in the military during World War Two. But other than that, I’d not spoken with many people who served in the military.

One notable exception was when I was living in San Diego as a Mormon missionary. I had a long conversation with a sailor in the Navy. I remember asking him about anti-military protestors (we weren’t at war back then) and how they affected their morale. He said they didn’t bother him at all. As a matter of fact, he was happy those people were able to express their opinions in a country where dissent was tolerated and sometimes even encouraged. “So even if they don’t like me, the freedom to express that is my gift to them,” he said.

That was over 20 years ago, but that conversation stuck with me. In the years since, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in the comfort of my home or an office spouting off in print about my dissatisfactions with one government policy or another. Once I even went out on a warm Los Angeles afternoon and walked with thousands of protesters against the imminent invasion of Iraq.

But in my comfort, I’ve tried not to forget about the immense privilege granted me by those willing to serve their country. They put their lives on the line to create a safe space were peaceniks can march in the plaza or Glenn Beck can spin nutty theories on television, or comedians can merciless mock our elected leaders. It’s an amazing gift we’ve been given. That we can pretty much take that gift for granted is proof of how complete that gift is.

So on this Veteran’s Day, those of us who are fat and pampered need to find a way to say “thanks” to those who serve their country every day. Ideally, you could just find one to say “thanks” to in person. In lieu of that, perhaps the best thing we can do is take good care of those freedoms that people have fought so hard for.

It’s their job to fight for their country. It’s our job to make sure it’s a country worth fighting for.

(Thoughts also with the servicemen and women mourning the loss of their own this week.)

ONE MONTH IN

2009-11-10T00:47:00.000-08:00

She's been with us a month now, and it hardly seems longer than three weeks.

Eliza is growing fast. The doctor says she's gaining about 1.5 ounces per day. Supposedly that's good. So any photos we take are rendered inaccurate within moments.

But we took some photos on Sunday and are posting them as quickly as possible with the hopes that we can catch this brief moment before Eliza grows out of it.

Here we see Eliza in a pink outfit provided by none other than Patricia Hawkins. Accent jewelery from Pamela Rust.

And it appears if she has blue eyes. We'll consider that good news if it means she's got my vision.

Of course, there are two other blue-eyed persons in our home who have gotten neglected in the photos on this blog. But rest assured, there doing just fine...

Next to Eliza, Nate and Will really do seem like big boys. Also, Nate appears to be flipping off the camera, while Will is flashing a gang sign. And that's very adult.

CROSS-PROMOTION

2009-11-09T02:59:00.001-08:00

While I've promised myself that I would not devote space on this blog to promote my other blog and podcast, that's what I'm going to to anyway.

I do a podcast about the Faroe Islands and I've just completed another episode. You can listen to it on iTunes or at our blog page: http://faroepodcast.blogspot.com/.

Or you can download the file directly here:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/faroepodcast/Podcast_31.mp3

The podcast features audio of a trip to the Vestmanna bird cliffs (pictured above).

MORE MUSIC

2009-11-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

(Not the Canadian music channel)

Some readers of this blog seem to think that awesome old school rap is an unworthy subject for this blog. So here, here's an old piece of music that isn't rap.

(embedding disabled by pretentious artist)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXU8kCrRHJY

JUICE CREW

2009-11-07T02:37:00.000-08:00

Nate and Will have been putting away a lot of juice lately, so I've started calling them the "Juice Crew." And that's put me in the mood to listen to listening to something from the Queensbridge all-star rap group.

So here's The Symphony. This track is almost 20 years old, but it still feels fresh to me. And check out the woman who walks on as eye candy at about 4:30. She's wearing a sweater! These days, that sweater could be used to make 4,000 thongs for the eye candy in today's rap videos. Ah, I miss them old days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSoXHUlwraU

FAROE FRIDAY: FINGER, WITCH'S

2009-11-06T00:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, it has been much too long since we've had a Faroe Friday post here, but I'm determined to do more on that front in the weeks to come.

Time time around, I thought I'd share a short story about one of my favorite places in the Faroes, the Witch's Finger. On my second day in the Faroes, Thomas, Tollak and I went to Tollak's home village to take a few pictures. While there, we went for a walk up a hill and down a narrow road. When we turned the corner, there was a the Witch's Finger. It's a rock formation with a name you don't really need explained to you. You know, it's a long skinny rock... looks like a finger.

It was stunning to see, and it was the perfect day to see it. The sun was out, so everything was in sharp focus. And it was clear, too. From where we stood, you could see no fewer than five islands. It was more beautiful than words can describe. More grand than any photos can convey.

So after taking some pictures and shooting some video, we just sat there on the grassy hillside. We sat and looked out at the water, and the crisp blue sky. We watched the ferry boats make their journeys from island to island. We watched the sheep grazing on perilous-looking cliffs above us. But mostly we just looked at the rocks as the sun slowly moved across the sky. The shades of green and the shadows would change along with the light.

We sat there a long time. More than an hour. It may have been closer to two hours, I'm not really sure. Because in that moment, time seemed to stop. I've done yoga a few times, but I've never been into meditation. I'm told it's really good for you, but I just can't clear out all the thoughts zipping around my head long enough to meditate.

This experience, this place, seemed to calm my mind in a way I've rarely felt. In that moment, I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world. All the schedules and snippets of conversation and loops of music that fill my head were gone. In their place was calm, peace, and the sound of waves lapping at the cliffs several hundred feet below.

Now I'm not a hippie or an outdoorsman or anyone who feels any special connection with nature. Quite frankly, I'm happy to stay inside. When I'm outside, my iPod can get wet. But sitting there, as the minutes passed, I felt (and I can't believe I'm even saying this) deeply connected with the landscape around me. It felt like I could just lay back and melt into the rocky hillside.

Who knows, if no one had come to get me, I might still be there today. I'm not, but I hope I will be again someday.

AND THE QUESTION WAS...

2009-11-05T02:14:00.000-08:00

"Mr. Cleese, British Comedy God and giver of all that is funny, you worked with your wife Connie Booth in Fawlty Towers. But between the first and second series, the two of you got divorced, yet you still wrote and performed on the show. How did that work out for you?"

He gave a long answer, but basically, they always had a good working relationship, but drove each other crazy when they lived together. That good working relationship survived the divorce, and Cleese and Booth remain friends to this day.

I'm almost ashamed to say that I actually skulked around the stage door waiting for John Cleese to emerge. I've been to hundreds concerts and other performances and I've never done anything like that before. But there a stood in the cold with a camera, pen, and DVD of "Life of Brian" in my hands, along with about a dozen other fans. After about 30 minutes, a roadie emerged and said, "Dude, he's gone. Left from another exit. He's already back at the hotel."

Oh well.

OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD

2009-11-04T01:10:00.000-08:00

Today is a special day. Today I get to see one of my idols. John Cleese is appearing in Eugene, and I’m going. Not only that, I’ve got a front row seat.

Needless to say, I’ve spent the past week in Depends, because I’ve been peeing myself with excitement. I’ve got almost every episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus committed to memory, and I’m a huge fan of the thesaurus-intensive skits Cleese wrote with Graham Chapman.

I’m actually not sure what this performance will entail, but I’m told it’s pretty funny. After a one hour performance, there will be a 45 minute question and answer session. And this is what has me nervous. I’m right in the front row, so chances are good I’ll be able to ask a question if I want to. And I don’t know what to ask.

For periods of my life, I’ve made a living out of asking people questions, but what to ask your comedy idol? I thought of simply asking, “May I please have a hug?” But that seems like it may get me undue attention from security. I’ve also considered asking him about writing with Graham Chapman. But it seems a little rude to see someone perform and then ask about his deceased writing partner.

I have been known to choke before. I had a chance to ask Dave Barry a question in 1991, and all I really did was stutter and mention that my hometown newspaper was one of the first to carry his syndicated column.

So now I’ve got a 2 ½ hour drive up to Eugene to think of a question. Wish me luck.

PYTHON TREK

2009-11-03T01:27:00.000-08:00

The term is "nerdgasm."

The unedited audio from Holy Grail's "Camelot" sequence coupled with Star Trek footage. It takes a special kind of madness to put something like this together. I'm glad someone did.

STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

2009-11-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

Dave and Shannon are good people. It’s just that simple. You meet them and you immediately like them.

I met them in 2004. I had just moved to Texarkana to work for an NBC affiliate based in Shreveport. At that time, Shannon hosted the morning show and Dave was a sports reporter. They weren’t married, but had been dating since they were both students in Syracuse. I think Dave picked me out as a fellow upstate New York native (he was raised in Albany) and started talking with me during one of my first trips to the Shreveport mothership. Shannon was nice to me, too. She was the subject of one of my first assignments. She was speaking at Texarkana College and it was my job to shoot some video of it.

Over the year or so I lived in Texarkana, I’d see Dave or Shannon (they worked opposite shifts, so you’d rarely see them together) when I came into the station, and each experience I had with then made me like them even more. They were just good people, who were good at their jobs, and they were fun, too.

Eventually the two of them got married and sometime after that they moved to Minnesota. By then I had moved on to Oregon, but I tried to keep in track of them on their blog or on Facebook.

This week I checked their blog and found the news that Dave and Shannon are expecting their first child this spring. It’s just great news.

When Julie and I were awaiting our first kids, people would sometimes say, “You are going to be great parents.” While I appreciated the compliment, the comments actually annoyed me a bit. I mean seriously, how do they know that? They way I saw it, the jury was out. These people, as well intentioned as they were, really didn’t have enough information to figure out what kind of parent I would be.

So I’m a bit sheepish to say that, when I heard the news of Shannon and Dave’s impending arrival, I thought just one thing: they’re going to be the greatest parents.

But I’m making this judgment based on real life experience with these two. You see, during my 14 month stay in the Confederacy, I was a stranger in a strange land. I would look at the world around me and have nothing but questions. Why does everyone talk like they’re on The Dukes of Hazzard? What is a mudbug, and why is it on grits? Why do people want me to holler at them when a phone call would be a lot more effective? Despite my cluelessness, Dave and Shannon were always kind to me. Helped me feel like everything would be OK.

Now Dave and Shannon are preparing to welcome their own stranger in a strange land, and he/she (they’ve decided not to learn the gender… ever) will have his/her own questions. Why am I no longer floating in fluids? What’s with all this light? Why is there a bag of my own feces strapped to my butt?

And when that happens, I’ve no doubt this new little person will receive a welcome exponentially greater than the wonderful and warm treatment they gave to an idiot Yankee trying to adjust to the South.

Or in other words: congratulations Dave and Shannon. You’re going to be great parents.

NaBloPoMo, REALLY?

2009-11-01T02:13:00.000-08:00

For the past two Novembers, I've joined thousands to take the NaBloPoMo challenge. That's, the National Blog Posting Month challenge. The idea is that you post every day during the month of November.

I've been equal to the challenge in previous years, but this year I've got my doubts. You see, life is different now. We've got a baby daughter that's just a few weeks old and I'm always short on sleep and time. Furthermore, this here blog has been a rather neglected space lately.

It started in January when I launched a podcast and blog about the Faroe Islands. Suddenly, a lot of the spare time I used to use to write here was swallowed up producing the podcast. Most of the longer humor and political writing that used to appear here vanished. Then, as life got more busy following a summer trip to the Faroes, even the posting of photos and videos stopped. In late August and into September, more than a month passed without a single update. Since the arrival of Eliza, some baby photos have found their way to this space, but not much else.

So this year's NaBloPoMo is perhaps a fight for the future of this blog. Will I be able to revive it and keep this blog a going concern? I don't know. During the past two years I was pretty confident. This year... not so much.

Stay tuned...

ELIZA: PINK ON PINK

2009-10-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

So I've taken a LOT of complaints from people who are unhappy that I haven't posted any new photos of Eliza lately. I'm too tired to make snarky comment about that, so I'll just report that you're in luck. Julie was taking care of Eliza when she noticed her outfit matched her blanket...

So she started snapping pictures.

Since she was born, Eliza has added about 1 1/2 pounds of cuteness.

And maybe a few ounces of attitude as well.

Right now, we only ask two things of her: we want her to sleep and we want her to eat. Luckily for us, she's really good at doing both. She's also very talented at pooping while we're trying to change her diaper. But that's a whole other story.

So in short, we've decided to keep her. Papa, don't preach!

PYTHON STAGE

2009-10-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Monty Python reunion filmed in NYC. Peeing my pants waiting for the 6 part documentary on IFC starting tomorrow.

TAKING ELIZA HOME

2009-10-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

After four days in a hospital, it was time to take Eliza home. So we dusted off one of the old car seat what Will used ands strapped her in.

And we dusted off Julie, too... she cleaned up nice...

Once home, little Eliza got to relax on her new favorite cushion.

And I got to enjoy my new job description.

But what was all this like for Eliza? It's hard to know exactly, but I tried to get an Eliza-eye view of the arrival in our home. So when we got into the garage, I held Eliza's car seat in one hand, and our little hand-held camera in the other. So now you can see what she saw when she came home.

Actually, you can see more than she saw. I think she was asleep for the whole thing...

MORE ELIZA

2009-10-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

Still having issues getting a clear image of little Eliza in her "baby friendly" environment. So all I can offer you today are a trio of dark and out-of-focus images. Hopefully the sassy tongue photo above is enough to make up for the lack of quality.

More photos of similar "quality" have been added at the facebook photo album.

Today's video is of even more limited appeal. I features Eliza doing absolutely nothing for two minutes. She sneezes at 1:16, so that's something. And, like the photos, the video is dark and the focus is somewhat dubious. It's here only because neither set of grandparents are here yet, and grandparents love to stare at their grandkids doing nothing. This one's for you, Mom...

INTRODUCING ELIZA

2009-10-09T20:09:00.001-07:00

So at 12:23 this afternoon, this arrives. This is Eliza Katherine Workman. She weighs 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and is just a little shy of 20 inches long. She's got a healthy head of dark hair.

And a healthy set of lungs...

She also presents a unique photography challenge. You see, Eliza has been born at a "baby friendly" hospital, which means, among other things, that it has really crappy lighting. So it's pretty hard to get good images of our new little girl.

All that napping in the dark doesn't help, either.

She's also been known to burrow herself inside a pile a blankets.

But despite these minor difficulties, we love our new daughter a lot.

Julie is fine after the surgery, and Nate and Will are excited to meet their new sister. That may be a few days off as the hospital currently isn't allowing anyone under 18 to visit (something about Swine Flu). But they've been happy to look at photos of Eliza and this short video.

The following video was an accident. I was trying to take a still photo and I had the camera on the wrong setting. It's only five seconds long and includes a scream from Eliza and then me trying to figure out how to turn the camera off. It's so stupid, that I wasn't going to post it here. However, Nate and Will love it. they've probably seen this little snip of video about 20 times already and would probably be watching it right now if I hadn't sent them to bed. So in honor of Nate and Will, here's a very short clip of Eliza.

We've put a few more photos online and you can see them here.

I've got to get back to the hospital now. The wifi there really doesn't work, so I'll only be able to check in every now and then. But thanks to you all for your thoughts and prayers. I'll post more stuff whenever I can.

LIVE, LOCAL, AND LATE-BREAKING

2009-10-09T01:09:00.000-07:00

If all goes as planned, Julie will have a baby girl at noon on Friday, October 9th. We will post photos and other info here as soon as possible afterwards.

For those of you who want the information even more quickly, check out my Twitter feed: http://www.twitter.com/matthewworkman

I'll post whatever I can as soon as I'm allowed near a cell phone.

Stay tuned...

NATE & WILL & THE BUS-CAR

2009-10-08T00:46:00.001-07:00

While I was off in the Faroe Islands last July, Nate and Will were in Arizona. While there, their primary mode of transportation was in their grandmother's minivan, or bus-car. This three week brush with suburban America left a huge impression on both our little boys. Since returning from Arizona, they have offered up literally hundreds of prayers concerning the bus-car.

(The term "bus-car" was coined by Will last year. He knew about buses and he knew about cars. When he saw our rental minivan, he simply said "bus-car!" The name stuck)

I don't toss out the estimate of "hundreds" lightly. Every day, Nate and Will offer up 3-8 prayers thanking God for their grandma's bus-car, and looking forward to the day when they have a bus car of their own.

So last Saturday, Julie and I went through the humiliating and degrading process of buying a car. We really had no choice. This new daughter is scheduled to arrive on Friday, and we don't have a car that can fit three car seats. So a minivan was going to happen one way or another.

And as we suffered through long and thoroughly horrible car buying trudge, Julie and I comforted ourselves with this single thought: Nate and Will are going to freak out when they see this. After all, we were about to prove to our little boys that God actually exists... and delivers minivans.

So on Sunday morning, we told them we had a big surprise for them and let them out to the garage. Will just stared at the ground, then looked up and the car and declared, "bus-car."

That's it. We drop a serious pile of money on the car of his dreams and all Will can think to say is "bus-car?" Come on. To make matters worse, Will gets into the car and immediately notices our Subaru out in the driveway. The Subaru used to live in the garage, but it's been kicked out onto the drive way in favor of the new minivan.

"Will's car getting wet!" You've got to me kidding me. He's worried about the old car? Moments later he asks for his old car back. You can actually see some of the exchange below and hear me try to sell him on the concept of this new vehicle.

Needless to say, I've learned my lesson about trying to purchase happiness for my two children. In the future, I'll only try to purchase happiness for myself.

FAROES GO LOCAL

2009-10-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

Faroe Islands makes the news in Medford, Oregon...

FAROE FRIDAY: FINAL PHOTO

2009-10-03T00:38:00.000-07:00

So I was in the Faroes just one day and I posted about 85 photos. A few days later, another 60 or so hit the web. Then two months passed. I had promised more photos, but never delivered.

Well, your wait is over. Here's a collection of 134 pictures taken by me, Thomas, and even Tollak. Looking at them again after being home for two months, I miss the place even more. I sincerely hope I can find a way to return in the near future.

Click here to see the photos.

NOT DEAD YET

2009-10-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve heard it from my dad, and from many friends, and from former coworkers. “What happened to your blog,” they say.

Well… I got busy?

Since returning from the Faroes in August, it has been an extremely busy time and all sorts of activities have crowded out my usual blog writing routine. Some of that time has been spent putting out podcasts on a more accelerated schedule. (To listen to the most recent one, search for “Faroe Islands Podcast on iTunes or listen on the audio player here.) I’ve also been, to use an expression from politics, spending more time with my family.

But I’ve got a short break in the action, so I thought I’d check in with an update and a promise to be better in the future.

Most of you have been missing photos of the little guys, so let’s get some of those out of the way right now. First, here’s Nate using his pig toy (that he’s pulled all the stuffing out of) as a beret.
Now here’s Will just being silly.

And the both of them hanging out in the living room.

These photos were taken in August, before the new haircuts. Those haircuts make Nate and Will really look like big boys. It’s exciting and sad all at the same time.

But they need to start looking like big boys, as they’ll have a little sister in about a week. The new child-to-be-named-later arrives next Friday. Julie can’t wait to have it out of her. I think I could probably wait another few weeks. After all, once it comes out, it’s my problem, too.

We’ve been asked a lot about names and I regret to say we’ve been very bad about drawing up a short list. Perhaps it’s the fact that we’ve already been through this process before and naming something just doesn’t have the thrill of the new. Perhaps it’s denial.

Whatever the case, I think I’ve come up with a solution to our naming problems. We wanted something that would have some historical significance, so I went back through my genealogy. I discovered that, with the exception of my mother, every woman on my side of the family is named “Grandma.”

So I’ve unilaterally decided to name our new daughter “Grandma.” How cool is that? Imagine the fun of holding a newborn child and saying, “this is our new baby Grandma!” And Nate and Will will certainly love this. They love their Grandmas. It seems logical that they’d transfer that love to a new baby sister with the same name.

Nate and Will aren’t potty trained and I’m sick of handling their crap. But that’s another story.

And for those of you who missed the Faroe Friday posts, I'll have a little something tomorrow. Really.

TAP, TAP, TAP

2009-09-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hello?

Is this thing on?

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF THE FAROE ISLANDS

2009-08-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

I’ve returned home after spending ten days in your country. I was there basically as your guest. My objective was to see the G! Festival and Ólavsøka and collect as much audio and video as I could for my podcast and other projects.

I knew I would see some spectacular landscapes and hear some great music, and my expectations were met or exceeded at nearly every turn. But I’m not sure I was prepared for the openness and kindness shown to me, a complete stranger in your country.

For a week and a half, you humored my stupid questions, tried not to roll your eyes as I locked car doors out of habit, and suppressed your smirks as I tentatively nibbled on my first bites of whale meat. You invited me into your homes to eat. You sat me down and told me stories of the recent past when there was no TV or radio in the Faroes. You played me your music in private concerts and massive sing-alongs. You told me about the sagas and legends that make up your history. You let me take part in some of your oldest traditions and were patient as I tried to master the steps of one of the simplest folk dances in the world. You made me feel at home even though I was on a tiny set of islands 8,000 miles from where I live.

In short, you were kind to me. And I was deeply moved by that kindness.

While you gave so much to me, you only asked one thing in return: you wanted to know why I was interested in your country and what I thought of it now that I was there.

I found the second question a bit odd at first. Who cares what I think? I’m just some guy. But then I remembered that I’m a loyal subscriber to The Economist because I’m interested in how foreigners view America. So perhaps an outsider is sometimes useful to help someone see something familiar in a new way.

With that in mind, I guess I should answer your question: what did I think of your country?

As you can probably already tell, I think it’s amazing. I think the geography is perhaps the most beautiful in the world, and the people are friendly in a way I’ve never seen anywhere else. And the pace of life there is something unique in the developed world. You have more time to talk to your friends and neighbors, more time to stop and notice how the colors on the mountains have changed now that the sun has changed positions, more time to think.

I’m sure you take these things pretty much for granted, just as everyone takes the good things about their home for granted. And I’m sure there are things about your home that drive you insane: the small size that can produce a claustrophobic feeling, the lack of big city zing. That’s understandable, but please never forget that you live in one of the most unique and distinct places on Earth. In a world that’s becoming more and more homogenized, you’ve found a way to engage the outside while still preserving what’s important to you: your language, history, and traditions.

I’ve been home from the Faroes for about two weeks now, and I’m still processing all I saw and heard while I was there. But let me at least say “thank you” to those of you who made me feel so welcome and so at home. I will never forget this experience.

Takk fyri. I hope we meet again soon, be it on your shores or on mine.

--Matt

FAROE FRIDAY: ON THE RADIO

2009-08-07T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'm alive and well and home from the Faroes. To answer some of your questions: Yes, it was just as amazing as I thought it would be and, yes, I miss it dearly now that I'm gone and, yes, I hope I can return in the near future.

While there, I was interviewed on the radio during the G! Festival. This week, I give you that unedited interview for your listening pleasure. You can download it from iTunes by searching for "Faroe Islands Podcast," or you can visit the podcast site at: http://faroepodcast.blogspot.com and listen on the audio player at the top of the page, or you can get the mp3 file directly here:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/faroepodcast/Podcast_21.mp3

As for me, I'm going back to bed. I've got a lot of sleep to catch up on. Those Faroese people, they don't stop.