“We’re never under pressure. We’re Australians, after all. We’re expected to win, and that’s no pressure at all. India, on the other hand, are expected to lose, so that puts pressure on them. They’re the better team, and for  better teams, it’s quite a pressure to be expected to lose”

How do you expect to win against, on paper, the strongest, batting side in the world?

“Well, we’ve got a batting line-up that can put up awkward scores like 150 to 220 on board. That’s always a pressure. The opposition team starts seeing demons in the pitch where there are none”

And what if you have to bowl first?

“Oh, the pressure is on India then”, said the coach, “because we’ll have to chase a score of 300 with the crowds behind Indian cricket team. That’s lot of pressure, having to defend big scores”

“We did lot thinking around our poor performance against New Zealand, and we believe it was the pitch that did us in”

Short Pitch Stuff!

How could the pitch, where Pakistani bowlers never landed on, be the problem, asked KBNN reporter.

“Wohi to (that’s what)”, replied Afridi, “It was too short. That’s why our bowlers could not bowl yorkers, and ended up bowling full tosses”

But even assuming that’s true, shouldn’t the bowlers adjust their length? What if batsman stands outside the crease a bit?

“Majaal hai? (Who’ll dare?)”, replied Afiridi, “Shoaib bhai will fire one straight at their head, and they’ll step back”

How come New Zealand bowlers did not have any problems?

“Bada short kar rahe the (they were bowling very short). Too short for any other pitch. But on that one, it was just about short of good length. We had no chance”

Meanwhile, PCB has demanded an inquiry about the Pallekele pitch used for the match, blaming India for using it’s clout in ICC to fix the pitch.

PCB chairman Ijaz Butt said, “First they took the venues away from us, now they want to take the world-cup away from us, by cutting the pitch from right under our feet. But we will fight this in international courts, if needed”

BCCI and ICC refused to comment on the allegations.

India have a long history of being embarrassed by minnows in the world cup, starting with Zimbabwe, who had them in complete disarray before Kapil Dev, then India’s best batsman, got them out with innings of his lifetime. They went on to lose to Zimbabwe though, in a later edition in England, to be kicked out of the World Cup, and then again in 2007, they lost to Bangladesh, to bow out in style.

Boycott "rubbishes" England's plans

“It’s a little desperate attempt, if you ask me”, said Geoffrey Boycott, who has never minced words when it comes to his home country, “I’m worried about the consequences, you know. What if they don’t win even that cup, which is certainly a possibility. What then? Would they stop playing cricket? I think England needs to stop treating Ashes as the pinnacle of cricketing excellence. They need to move away from that. The team that they beat down there, the Aussies — my granny would have made a hundred against them with an umbrella. That Ponting bloke and that I know it all, Mr. Chappell are doing a fine job of losing without any help from opposition. I’d say, get over it guys. Play the world-cup for what’s it worth. There is a life beyond Australia, you know”

“We, at ICC, feel that these (sic) teams have no chance of winning the world-cup, but tend to cause upsets that break the calculations of people who have paid money in advance to watch matches that they assumed will have better teams”

The announcement came after England’s now famous defeat at the hands of Ireland, a certified minnow team, that ICC had included in the mix just for some quick one sided games for other teams to boost their confidence.

“Lot of teams, like England, New-Zealand, Bangladesh, have come to the world cup with a horrible record in the recent months, and they needed some confidence boost. Minnows are supposed to play the role of providing these teams with a reassuring win. Instead, such upsets demoralize the test playing nation’s teams further. World cup is not the right avenue to stun the big teams”

Minnowed!

England earlier had barely managed to squeeze in against another certified minnow, Netherlands, while Bangladesh were in some trouble against Ireland, but managed to win comfortably in the end.

ICC denied that the decision had anything to do with India’s defeat at the hands of Bangladesh last World Cup — which led to India being knocked out of the world cup — when they were considered ‘certified minnows with a test playing status’, along with Zimbabwe — a status that’s good enough to host a world cup.

“Not everything that the ICC does is to do with India”, said an angry Fitzgerald, “and for the record, the I in ICC stands for International, not India”

BCCI has welcomed ICC’s move. In a statement released late in the night, BCCI has “congratulate(d) ICC for it’s decision”, adding  that the timing couldn’t have been the worse.

“It will just make the minnows angry and more determined to knock out bigger, and better teams”, said N Srinivasan, the board secretary and president-elect. “They should have waited till the world cup was over”

ICC spokesperson declined to respond to BCCI’s statement.

"When in doubt, flip the coin"

This, coming from a man who has (late) Paul like consistent record in making predictions — only consistently wrong; shocked everyone in the room.

“Look, I’ve been India’s most successful captain, while losing the toss most often. People don’t get it that I’m successful because I  lose the toss so consistently. I rarely get a chance to make a wrong decision of choosing to bat first when we should have bowled, or the other way round. In this world cup, we’re going to extend the same logic to team selection”

'Tossed' for a six?

There have been speculations about who will make it to the final eleven for the first game against Bangladesh. Kohli, a regular in the team in the absence of seniors, will now have to fight for his place with Raina, who has been lackluster in the recent past. Journalists who were hoping to hear about that were left clueless.

In the bowling department, given that spinners are likely to dominate, there is quite a competition for the second seamer to open with Zaheer, with Nehra, Sreesanth, and Patel all waiting for their chance.

“In fast bowling department”, said Dhoni, responding to a persistent query, “we’re lucky to have a uniformly terrible choice for the second position. More than ever, it makes sense to leave it to chance. Let’s face it, anyone I pick is going to leak 70 odd runs in 6-7 overs they’ll need to bowl, and I’ll get canned for it. This way (coin tossing) I don’t have to take the blame”

Who's the worst of them All?

Why not play with an extra spinner, and open with him like New Zealand did when they hosted the world cup?

“In fact, I had asked for a 9 batsmen, two spinner, combination for the world-cup. But the selection committee was not ready to be that radical”, said Dhoni. “Unfortunately, we’ll need to pick two seamers to stick to the tradition”

All eyes will now be on the toss before the toss, for each of India’s world cup match.

Bookies are angry about the move.

“How can we fix the matches, if they don’t even fix the team? We cannot rely on chance”, said one punter on conditions of anonymity.