Wrestling With Retirement

Saturday Silliness

2012-01-28T00:13:00.002-05:00

Women's Code Translated:

Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

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Weather Indicator

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The CAT

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A Basic Truth

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it.

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And Last But Not Least--

Irrefutable proof that a good woman can bring balance and stability to your life.

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EVA

Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 4

2012-01-27T00:12:00.013-05:00

(A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk.)

If you missed Chapter 3, click here.

To start with chapter 1, click here.

Chapter 4

She may have danced a couple of times with someone else; she couldn’t be certain. All she could see were bedroom eyes, a beard, and a smile that really seemed to grab her. As the evening wore on, and the gimlets further mellowed her, Sandy was no longer sneaking peeks; she was now casting lingering looks.

Once he said, “You caught me staring that time! Let’s dance again.” This time there was no conversation as they danced. The melted together and moved as one to the strains of “Please Don’t Go.” The proximity of his beard to her ear and his thighs to hers did little to lessen her lust. They danced to a couple more songs, and then he left her for the men’s room. Sandy didn’t expect to dance with him again—how much luck could a girl have in one night? While Rick was in the men’s room, Sandy decided to check on her friend. Liz was sitting on the end of the table, nursing her diet Coke, and swaying a little with the music.

“How are you doing? I didn’t mean to abandon you,” Sandy apologized.

“Don’t you worry about me; I’m doing just fine. I’ve been chatting and dancing with Mark, and with some people I know from the gym,” Liz replied. “This is much more fun than I anticipated. Didn’t expect to see anyone I knew. What about you and bedroom eyes?”

“Oh my God,” Sandy laughed. “He’s just so hunky I can’t stand it. Shhh…here he comes again.”

Before Rick reached their table, a sexy little blonde in a pink spaghetti strap top and cut-off jeans grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. Sandy experienced a few pangs of jealousy as the hussy (could she be anything else?) rubbed up against him as they danced. Realizing her feelings were ridiculous, given the situation—after all, they had just met tonight, danced a few times, and shared a few laughs, she knew there was no reason for jealousy.. Rick danced a second dance with the blonde, and then there he was at their table again.

Any subtlety Sandy had shown earlier was now gone. She was now all but openly drooling when she looked in his direction. He asked her to dance again, and this time they stayed on the dance floor until after the last dance of the night ended. They were still standing there in an embrace, while others were leaving the floor, and the band was packing up their instruments.

“I think the music’s stopped,” Sandy whispered, as she pulled her cheek away from his beard, in order to look into those incredible eyes. He smiled; then he kissed her—a long, slow, gentle kiss. They returned to her table. He suggested they leave together. Further discussion determined neither of them had brought a car. Finally they agreed to ride with Liz to HoJo’s for a snack.

Sandy couldn’t eat anything. She had been joking when she told Liz she wanted to drag Rick home with her—at the time she didn’t even think she had any hope of dancing with him—and here he was, offering to buy her breakfast!

Rick was sweet. They talked while he ate. He was very attentive and she enjoyed listening to his “tales of the highway.” He worked as a trucker. When he’d finished eating, Liz agreed to drive them to Sandy’s apartment, then Sandy would drive him home. He was actually coming to her apartment.

With the reality of the situation facing her, Sandy began to get a little nervous. She had never slept with anyone but her ex-husband, and the knowledge that this sexy guy, who was probably six or eight years younger than her 35 years, might end up in her bed—well, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea!

Liz dropped them off at her door. “If we can get right into my car,” she thought. Damn—she had left the keys on the kitchen table when Liz insisted on driving her car. She had no choice but to let them into her apartment.

Rick seemed very much at ease, He walked through the living room and the kitchen, browsing really, while Sandy looked for her keys. At first she was fine. She remembered having thrown them on the kitchen table after having removed the key to her apartment. But after searching the table with no success, she began to panic.

Here she was, fumbling around, looking for her keys. It had to look like a stall. Except that it wasn’t. The last thing she wanted to do was stall! She had an absolutely gorgeous hunk of younger man in her living room and was absolutely terrified. In the movies, you said something like, “Let me slip into something more comfortable.” In reality she was panicked and frantically searching for her car keys!

(to be continued)

Random Bits

2012-01-26T00:18:00.010-05:00

Sometimes thoughts come to me that just don't warrant a full blog post. (Okay, you're thinking none of my thoughts warrant a full blog post--Thanks!)

Today I thought I'd just ramble about some of those thoughts:

I needed some new undies and went shopping for some. (no, not at Victoria's Secret; she doesn't carry my size, I'm sure!) I didn't want the kind that have the days of the week on them, because I could get confused. And then, too, it's embarrassing when someone asks you what day it is, and you have to pull up your skirt and check your underwear for the answer! And heaven forbid you be wearing the wrong ones on the wrong day!

Well, I bought some in lovely pastel colors and when I got home, I examined the package a little more closely. I read, "These panties are so smooth and fit so well, no one will know you are wearing any." Now I'm not sure that's a good idea. If people think someone my age isn't wearing any panties, they'll probably run around draping their furniture with towels or plastic, for fear I'll cough, sneeze, or laugh and drop a puddle behind me! I may have to have a special button made that says, "Don't be fooled, yes I'm wearing underwear--your furniture is safe!"

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We have so much ice on our driveway and walk that I practically need to be wearing skates when I step outside. The only problem with that plan is I never learned how to skate! Maybe I just need stuff the seat and knees of my pants with Charmin so if I slip and fall, I'll be protected. Or not; I have sufficient natural padding in my seat already, I suspect!

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I broke the news to Mr. Eva today. During the 27 years we've been married, I have had a secret stash where I keep my 'mad money.' That's so if I get mad at him and decide to leave him, I'll have the means. So far, I've accumulated $1.00.

I know, you're thinking "Twenty-seven years and all she's saved is one dollar?) During the honeymoon phase of our marriage, I didn't see a need for 'mad money.' But, last month when the honeymoon officially ended, I started my stash. Extra cash is hard to come by in this economy! I sure hope he doesn't make me that mad too soon. What I have now will barely cover the first turnpike toll I'd encounter!

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Enough random bits for today!

EVA

New Word Wednesday #54

2012-01-25T04:15:00.002-05:00

We’ve all encountered them—those pesky word verifications intended to keep spammers off websites. After three years of blogging and encountering these barriers on a daily basis, it occurred to me that great new word possibilities were being wasted. Why, every day I would type strange letter combinations, hit “enter,” and the letters would disappear, never to be seen again!

I decided that it was time to document these strange letter combinations and assign a definition to them, thereby creating some wonderful new words for our vocabularies. Following are 5 of these new creations for your enjoyment; feel free to assimilate your favorites into your everyday conversation. Your friends and co-workers will be envious!

Today's words:

carboli: (noun) dieter's term for ravioli; as in, "Margaret was on a low carb diet and was adamant about avoiding her favorite Italian dish, which she called carobili, to remind herself why she didn't want to eat any.

dedbot: (noun) a robot which has become obsolete due to technological advances; as in, "The students were excited that their professor had been able to obtain ad dedbot from the local car manufacturing facility for study in their class.

frati: (adjective) term used to describe female high school students who try get into college fraternity parties; as in, "Penny and Emma had a reputation of being frati, and could be found most weekends drinking and smoking weed with frat boys on the university campus."

multibra: (noun) an undergarment specifically designed for a woman with more than two breasts; as in, due to a birth defect, Sylvia had to wear a multibra when she became an adult, although it did enhance her popularity in the singles bars."

squela: (noun) derogatory name given to a gang member who becomes a police informant; as in, "Derrick was not aware that his life was in danger because he was known to be a squela."

Remember, use a word three times in a sentence, and it's in your vocabulary forever!

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to buy my book:

The Blogger's Fictionary contains 250 New words to which I've given my own definitions. Click here to go check it out on Amazon.com!

EVA

Judas Asparagus

2012-01-24T00:21:00.005-05:00

This came to me on email today, and I just had to share it!

Judas Asparagus
If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is thestar of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say,, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

EVA

A Fellow Blogger On Kindle

2012-01-23T00:14:00.007-05:00

One of my favorite blogger buddies has just published his first book on Kindle! If you're familiar with Al Penwasser of Penwasser Place, you need to check out his book The Shag Carpet Toilet on Kindle. You can click on the book cover and get to read a sample of it! I did, and it's wonderfully hilarious. I can't wait to get a Kindle so I can buy it.

You can't look inside the book here, you have to click on the link below to get to Amazon Kindle Books to do that.

He has published the book under the name Kenneth Lynch, just so you don't get confused when you click here to go check it out.

And as long as you are checking out Kindle books, don't forget to check out mine by clicking here! As I may have mentioned before, I now have 3 books on Kindle, plus my blog is available for subscription as well.

Hospitalized and Heart-Struck

The Blogger's Fictionary

and

Assorted Verse or Worse

You can't peek inside mine without visiting Kindle books by clicking on my link above.

Please, please, at least go check out Shag Carpet Toilet by Kenneth Lynch! I know it's and awesome book by a funny, talented writer!

EVA

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

2012-01-22T00:13:00.003-05:00

The Texas Roadhouse Restaurant at 600 Gallery Road in Scarborough, Maine is a pretty darn good place to eat.

The Moose Head up over the door gives it a little flavor of Maine but it's definitely a country style restaurant with more Texas than Maine in the atmosphere.

The first Texas Roadhouse opened in 1993, oddly enough in Clarksville, Indiana. Since then, the chain has grown and restaurants can be found all over the United States and as far away as Dubai.

There are lots of tables and a lot of wood paneling in the Scarborough store. If you want, you can select the steak you want from the butcher-shop like meat window at the front of the store, or make your choice from the menu. And don't be fooled by the fact that they are referred to as a steakhouse; the menu does include a wide range of steak cuts at a variety of prices, but it also includes burgers, chicken, ribs, pork chops, and seafood.

One of the things I really like about the menu is the price range; if you're feeling you have a fat wallet, you can order entrees in the $20-plus price range, of if your budget is limited, you can find tasty choices in the $10 range as well. There is also a children's menu.

The first thing you see when you reach your table is a bucket of peanuts in the shells, as well as bucket to throw the shells in after you eat the nuts.

Then, while you are drooling over the menu, the waitress brings you a basket of warm crusty rolls and whipped butter. And they smell and taste wonderful!

We chose to start off with fresh green salad with tomatoes, peppers, onions, and crispy croutons.

Mr. Eva chose a small steak smothered with onions, mushrooms and cheese with a baked potato.

I chose a small steak with onions and mushrooms along with a sweet potato which was bursting with flavor.

I also opted for a side of barbeque baked beans--so delicious. Sadly, after downing these meals, there was no room for dessert!

The only thing I don't like about the Texas Roadhouse is the noise level. We try to go around 4:00 or 4:30 p.m. for an early dinner before the crowds fill the place. There's country music playing on the jukebox, and every now and then the waitresses break into a line dance. Add to that the voices of dozens and dozens of patrons, and you can forget the idea of a peaceful dinner! However, the food is great, and there's always an entree price to fit your wallet, so it is a good place to eat.

Note: I received no compensation for this revue; we paid for our dinners and the opinions expressed are mine alone.

EVA

Saturday Silliness

2012-01-21T00:15:00.001-05:00

Male Logic vs.
Female Intent

Milk and eggs

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

(I'm sure you're going back to read this again as this is the root of most marriage problems!!)

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I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to Buzz off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

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Ticket, please.

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess who was collecting tickets. So when the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said, "I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub."

Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 3

2012-01-20T00:17:00.005-05:00

(A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk.)

If you missed chapter 2, click here.

To start at chapter 1, click here.

Chapter 3

Like a glutton for punishment, the following Friday Sandy found herself headed back to Country Connections for singles night. Ginger was away on vacation, so this time her neighbor Elizabeth decided to join her. Elizabeth preferred to drive her own car, so she picked Sandy up at her apartment, they hopped into her black Chevy Lumina, and hit the road--bound for that hangout for fast-talking men and freewheeling women, Country Connections!

A non-drinker, Elizabeth had brought Diet Coke, and Sandy brought a vodka gimlet. That is, she took a pint of vodka, poured about a shot and a half into a glass, threw in a slice of lime and a squirt of lime juice. She had pretty much finished it before Elizabeth arrived. Then she added lime juice to the pint of vodka until the liquid was back to the level it had been before it was opened, put the cap back on, shook it up a little, and she was ready to go. Ice and paper cups were available at the bottle club, so she just tossed the bottle into her oversized purse.

As they drove up the highway, Elizabeth (Liz) asked, “So is the band any good at this place? And how about the men? Are there any decent ones, or are they all hound dogs?”

“I’m sure there are some of both varieties,” Sandy laughed. “You just have to have your BS deflector activated.” She was feeling much more confident this time; she had been there before and survived. And of course, the vodka gimlet helped! They laughed as they admitted they were both suffering from that state of unrequited lust known as horniness. The parking lot was filled with cars, and once they found a parking place and left the vehicle, the girls could hear the thump, thump, thump of the base. Sandy’s step quickened a little; she was anxious to get dancing.

As they approached the entrance, a couple in their 20’s came stumbling and giggling out into the evening air. The twosome totally ignored Liz and Sandy, as the girl leaned against the wall beside the door, and her companion began nuzzling her neck. Her giggles could still be heard as Liz and Sandy paid their $5.00 admission and stopped at the welcome desk to get ice and cups.

Jeans and tank tops or Tees were pretty much the standard attire, and Liz and Sandy blended in with the rest of the crowd. The table they chose was had chairs on both sides and sat perpendicular to the dance floor. As soon as they were seated, Mark strode over, a big smile on his face.

“Hello, ladies,” he opened. “Is anyone up for a dance?” Sandy introduced him to Liz and promptly excused herself to the ‘use the facilities.’ No sense beating a dead horse was her way of thinking. Liz was widowed five years earlier, and had dated some since Sandy met her. The two were nice people. Maybe they would hit it off.

The ladies room was nearly deserted right now, except for the girl who’d been having a neck nuzzling outside earlier. She was reapplying her lipstick, which Sandy suspected had been totally kissed off.. Looking at herself in the mirror, Sandy decided she looked pretty good for a 35-year-old divorced single mom. Her curly strawberry blonde hair was just long enough to touch her shoulders, and the stress of the last two years had slimmed her down to a size 6. Her brown eyes took in her naturally tawny skin, the raspberry tank top and blue jeans with satisfaction. She ran a brush through her hair, and after a sufficient amount of time had passed to convince Liz and Mark that she did indeed have to go, Sandy returned to their table.

Sipping her second gimlet of the evening, Sandy saw Rick approach their table He was blue eyed, bearded, and brimming with sex appeal. Bedroom eyes looked her way with a slow-to-appear smile that seemed to light up his whole face.

“I’m going to drag him home with me tonight,” Sandy whispered to Liz, which set them both to giggling. Here was a cure for “unrequited lust,” indeed! Sandy’s eyes kept returning to his; he sat across the table from her, about three chairs to her left. It was embarrassing. Sandy just kept sneaking glances at him whenever she could. Finally, he spoke.

“I caught you staring,” he said, with one of those heart-stopping smiles. Her face felt like it was turning redder than her shirt.

“It’s a ladies’ choice. Would you like to dance?” Sandy asked, in an effort to conceal her embarrassment. As he took her in his arms once they were on the dance floor, she felt a need to make some explanation.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” she lied. “I was just trying to remember where I’ve seen you before. Could it have been at Dunfy’s after DH a couple of weeks ago?”

It was a lie, because she’d remembered that bit of information when she first saw him. Divorce Horizons (DH) was a support group which met bi-weekly at the Parkerville Congregational Church. Her fib did serve to stimulate conversation though, because they began to talk about Divorce Horizons and their respective marital statuses.

Rick had been divorced for a year and seemed genuinely concerned about the welfare of his two pre-school-aged daughters, who were living with his ex-wife in Florida. He hoped to go get them for a two- week visit next month.

As the dance ended, Sandy tried to put things back on a lighter level by saying, “Maybe it was the beard; I really have a thing for beards. I’ll try not to stare anymore.”

“Look all you want to, woman,” he laughed. “I love it.”

(to be continued)

EVA

Some Days It Just Doesn't Pay to Get Up!

2012-01-19T00:18:00.001-05:00

Did you ever have this kind of day?
(best when viewed full screen--click on square at lower right hand corner of video)

EVA

New Word Wednesday Pre-empted!

2012-01-18T00:12:00.004-05:00

I had to pre-empt New Word Wednesday, 'cause we got great news today!

We're dancing!

We're celebrating!!!!!!

And we're dancing some more!!!!!!!!!

And the cause of all this revelry?

We just got the score!

Mr. Eva .......... 1, Cancer ....... 0

Yes, blood tests and CT-scan show that Mr. Eva is Cancer free!!

He will have to go back for follow up blood tests every 3 months and a colonoscopy in May or June, but right now, the results are AWESOME!!!!

Many thanks to those of you out there who offered their prayers, good wishes, and positive thoughts! They all helped, I'm sure, and were much appreciated by both Mr. Eva and me!

I have to go now, and dance a few more jigs!

EVA

Adding to My Kindle Bookshelf

2012-01-17T00:13:00.001-05:00

Well, I did it again! I published another book on Kindle. This one is a collection of my poems called, "Assorted Verse or Worse."

I'm excited that I'm beginning to have an actual "bookshelf" on Amazon Kindle. Check it out by clicking here.

Thanks to those of you who have Kindles and have chosen to support my efforts! I've sold several books already and it's only been a little over a week!

Regarding yesterday's review of Black Boy White School: I received an email from a friend who purchased the book on Kindle and said she couldn't put it down and read it all in one sitting. Her words were, "I didn't want it to end!" I was pleased to know that I was spot on with my review!

EVA

P.S. Yes, that's me on the cover of Assorted Verse or Worse!

Black Boy White School

2012-01-16T00:15:00.006-05:00

Today I'm doing something different. I'm posting an unsolicited book review. I wasn't asked to do the review; I wasn't given a free book. I bought the book on Amazon.com and loved it.

Black Boy White School is the first published book by a new writer, Brian E. Walker. It's about a black boy from a really tough neighborhood in Cleveland, Ohio who receives a scholarship to an elite private school in Maine.

Anthony, the main character is living in an area where drive-by shootings and drug-dealing are everyday occurrences. He finds himself torn between leaving his friends and grabbing this opportunity to escape the dangers of his home town.

His mother wants desperately for her son to be safe and to have a chance to make something of himself at this school in Maine. She warns him not to take a 'ghetto attitude' with him and blow this chance at his future.

You have to love the mother for wanting the best for her child; his brothers forbeing grudgingly proud of him; and his friends for hoping he does well, even though they have no such hope for themselves.

"Ant" as his family and friends call him, finds himself one of a handful of black students in a sea of rich white kids--kids who have no clue what he has left behind.

The writing is raw and emotional. I was drawn in from the first chapter, and moved to tears at the end. Not because the ending is sad, but because I'm sure this book is somewhat autobiographical, and I have never experienced prejudice such as Ant encounters.

I recommend this read to everyone; it will pull at your heartstrings. It may make you cringe a little. I guarantee you cannot read this book without feeling joy and pain. It's a powerful first novel by Mr. Walker, and a must read for all.

Black Boy White School is available in hardcover and on Kindle. Click here to see more.
EVA

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

2012-01-15T00:14:00.017-05:00

The Outback Steakhouse has locations in all 50 states and 19 countries. We visited the one in South Portland, Maine, and it's one of my favorite places to have a good meal!

I like the atmosphere; the lighting is just slightly dimmed, there are booths and tables to accommodate couples or larger groups, and the service is friendly.

[Right after they bring you the menu, the server brings a cutting board with a small loaf of what appears to be pumpernickel bread and a tub of real butter to tease your taste buds.

We started off with some mild wings for an appetizer which came with stalks of celery and some ranch dressing for dipping. The wings were delicious; they had just a hint of spiciness which was just enough for me. (They also offer medium and HOT, for those who roll that way!)

We followed up the wings with salads of lettuce, grape tomatoes, cucumbers, onion, shredded cheese and toasted croutons. The veggies were fresh and crisp and the croutons added a tasty crunch.

Mr. Eva had sirloin steak with 'shrimp on the Barbie' and a baked potato. The steak was done perfectly, as was the potato. He did say that there was a seasoning on the shrimp of which he wasn't fond, but it didn't keep him from gobbling them up

I ordered the small sirloin steak with a half rack of bbq ribs and a sweet potato. My steak was perfectly medium, and the ribs were so well done they only required a fork to separate them. Everything was scrumptious. I would have loved to have tried one of their tempting desserts, but there just wasn't any space left in my satisfied tummy!

Maybe next time we'll skip the appetizer we we can manage dessert!

The Outback Steakhouse does have a website where you can check for a location near you, plus it gives you access to their full menu and lots of mouth-watering photos. Click here to visit Outback.com!
EVA

Saturday Silliness

2012-01-14T00:13:00.001-05:00

I want to start off today's Saturday Silliness with some Saturday Awesomeness! You gotta' love this video! Heck, I wanna' marry this guy!

And while I'm on a musical bent, here's the Beatles' song "Yesterday" specially edited for IT people:

The Beatles "Yesterday" - for IT people

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

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I have no clue who wrote that; it came to me on email, but I loved it and had to share!

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An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. He was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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EVA

Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 2

2012-01-13T00:13:00.005-05:00

(A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk.)

If you missed Chapter 1, click here.

"It's okay, I guess."

"Listen, a gang of us are going to HoJo's after the dance for breakfast. Are you in?"

"Sure, why not?" Sandy responded. She didn't really care one way or the other, but since she had ridden to Country Connections with Ginger, she felt obligated to go, or Ginny would have to drive out of her way to drop Sandy off at her apartment first.

The band was starting up again, and within a few minutes, Mark was back asking if she wanted to dance again. She nodded agreement; the chances of being heard over the music were pretty slim. They moved out among the other dancers, and this time she felt a little more comfortable. Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was Mark, but she actually was having a good time. They danced several times, and chatted some during the band's next break. She learned he was divorced, a computer programmer, and the non-custodial father of a 14-year-old girl named Mandy.

Sandy had another beer while they were chatting, and when the music started up again, she finished her drink and followed Mark back out onto the dance floor. She was feeling more relaxed and comfortable, mostly because she was really enjoying dancing. The effects of the beer were minimal, because she was eating cheese and crackers, dancing, and perspiring in the summer evening's warmth.

When the band played its final number, Mark did what many men do: he offered to drive a drunken lady home. She was normally silly and giggly when sober, so he was assuming she was quite inebriated at this point, when she was barely buzzed. On impulse, she agreed and whispered to Ginger that she would see her at HoJo's. Ginny had already invited three people along with her, so she had no problem with Sandy making other arrangements.

Mark walked her to his car, and opened the door on the passenger side for her. Once he was seated behind the wheel and had started the engine, they left the parking lot and pulled out onto the highway. Country C0nnections was not yet out of sight when he turned to her and with amazing originality said, "Your place or mine?"

"How about Howard Johnson's" she countered. He was not delighted, but to HoJo's they went. Over English muffins and steaming cups of coffee, and the chatting of a crowd of night owls, he tried the intellectual approach.

"One hundred years from now, what's it going to matter if you and I went to bed tonight?" He removed his glasses--apparently, Mark was in the habit of removing his glasses when making a pitch.

"You may be right, Mark, Sandy said. “One hundred years from now, probably no one will care. But I care, now, tonight, and I am saying, no, I don't want to sleep with you." With a man like Mark, who was quick to get right to the point, there was no sense beating around the bush.

"But, I'll tell you: It would be over in seconds the first time," Mark went on. "I'd spend the next 20 minutes apologizing, and then. . ."

"No way, Mark."

He paid the check, left a tip for the waitress, and they went outside. Again, he opened the passenger door for her, walked around the vehicle, and climbed in on the driver's side behind the wheel. Mark was not to be easily discouraged. He started the engine, then turned and grabbed her. He planted a kiss on Sandy that so caught her by surprise that his tongue was getting acquainted with her tonsils before she knew what hit her. Then he released her, expertly backed the car out of the parking space and drove out onto the avenue, while she sat there with her mouth hanging open like an idiot.

"Where do you live," he asked, as if what had just happened was not at all out of the ordinary, and perhaps it wasn't, for him. It was for her, however. She had not been 'soul kissed' to that extent in some time--perhaps years!--and it was NOT unpleasant.

Sandy gave him directions to Pinewoods, the new apartment development where she lived, and he immediately knew where they were going. On the way, he pulled the car into the parking lot of the Wise Potato Chip factory, and took her in his arms again. Once again, he kissed her breathless, then without a word, drove back out to the street in the direction of Pinewoods. When they arrived at the complex, he parked the car outside her apartment and embraced her again. It had been a long, lonely summer for Sandy, and a lonely year before that. Even though she was not that attracted to Mark, she did enjoy his attention. He was not insistent; when she resisted his attempts at groping, he did not push.

"How about inviting me in for a couple of minutes," he asked when his tongue wasn't trying to follow the shortest internal path to her navel.

"No way," she responded when she could speak again. By this time, he was breathing heavily, and she found it necessary to suppress a giggle. It seemed so ridiculous the he should be sexually aroused when she was totally unmoved. After a few more attempts to gain entry to her apartment, and thereby her thighs, he gave up with a sigh and said goodnight. All in all, he was a pretty good sport. Some men might not have accepted defeat as good-naturedly.

In retrospect, she felt a little strange. Seldom before had she been kissed so passionately; yet it was as if she was standing back and watching it all happen to someone else. His kisses had no effect on her. She enjoyed them, as she might enjoy having someone shampoo her hair. It was a passive experience. Sandy concluded that his defeat had less to do with lack of prowess on his part than to a lack of readiness on her part. She had heard the term 'reading readiness'--maybe she lacked ‘bedding readiness!’

As she climbed into her bed alone that night, Sandy reviewed the evening's events in her mind. She had taken some big steps: she had stepped out of her comfort zone and actually attended a mixed social activity; she had danced with a man and let him drive her home, trusting her instincts that she would be safe; and, she had experienced her first kiss in years and enjoyed it. Maybe there was life after divorce after all!

(To be continued....)

A Heart-warming Love Tale

2012-01-12T00:15:00.007-05:00

Everyone likes a story about true love based solely on a person's inner beauty, so thought you might get a kick out of this one.

This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto:

He was married to --- this woman:

Her name is Cibele Dorsa.

She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria 's Secret, and Playboy model.

He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:

These two are very happily married right now.

Some people argue that love is blind. This story clearly proves it...

It proves that men are capable of real love;
truly seeing a person’s inner beauty,
not basing their decisions solely on looks.

Oh, by the way...

The new girl is Athina Onassis.

She's worth more than a billion dollars.

Kinda brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?

EVA

New Word Wednesday

2012-01-11T00:15:00.015-05:00

I lied. There are no new words today. Too many people are no longer using word verification, so I didn't have many words to choose from. This feature will return, though, I promise!

First order of business: We have a Winner of the New Year's Day Giveaway! Tracie of Stir Fry Awesomeness! Congrats to Tracie, and I'll be contacting her to get an address to ship her copy of Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines.

Second order of business:

I have published two books on Kindle! I am excited! If you have enjoyed New Word Wednesday, I have published a collection of 250 of my "new" words in a book which I have named The Blogger's Fictionary. Here's your chance to get all that craziness downloaded to your Kindle for the LOW, LOW price of $0.99! You can chuckle your way through them at your leisure!

To purchase this e-book on Kindle, click here. (you also have to click there to look inside!)

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The second book I have published is called "Hospitalized and Heart-Struck!" This is the story I featured on Friday Fiction where it was called "Love is Where You Find It." I had to change the name, because there's a song by that name and I didn't want to get into an copyright disputes. This book is available for $1.99!

To purchase this book, click here. ( you have to click there to look inside, too!) When you get to the site, you'll notice the book is listed twice. If you want to buy it, click on the second one. The first one has a major editing gaffe in it. I'm trying to get it removed, but am having difficulty. Remember, if you opt to buy it, select the second llisting! (I apologize for the confusion, but being a techno-idiot, I mistakenly published the unedited edition first. Hopefully, I'll get the first one removed before too much longer!

Thanks so much to those of you who already have made your purchase! Please tell your friends who have Kindles and might enjoy those two books.

My current Friday Fiction, "Welcome to Singles Night," will be available on Kindle as soon as it's finished. The entire book will not be published on my blog, although I do plan to make the first 4 or 5 chapters available as a teaser!

EVA

Another Public Service Announcement!

2012-01-10T00:15:00.002-05:00

Kitchen Good News:

This woman is 51 yrs old.
She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health,

and promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet which is high in organic fruits and vegetables.

She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation, and supplements.

This woman is also 51.

She is Nigella Lawson... a TV cook, who eats meat, butter, and desserts.

.... and, she washes it all down with wine!

I REST MY CASE. :~)

My Grandog is a Boob Man!

2012-01-09T00:17:00.004-05:00

This past weekend we celebrated my oldest son's 40th birthday.

There were lots of black and silver balloons, and this over-the-hill sign; we weren't about to let him forget that he was turning "The BIG 4-0". Nearly all guests dressed in black--to mourn the passing of his youth.

He has been a volunteer soccer coach with the rec department in his town for 4 years now, and his wife, my lovely daughter-in-law, decided to give him a soccer-themed cake. She had it hidden out on their deck so he wouldn't see it, because the party was a surprise.

The surprise was over when the birthday boy came home to find his wife crying hysterically that all was ruined, and of course she had to tell him the reason for her distress, so the cat was out of the bag, or the dog was loose....

The real surprise was discovering that their dog Baxter either has a fondness for boobs, or a love of soccer.......because this is what he did to the cake!

Fortunately, the cake baker was able to perform an emergency breast implant with pretty satisfactory results!

It was a wonderful cake with lemon curd and the prosthetic mammary was hardly noticeable. She was a little lop-sided, but then, who among us isn't?

Gifts for the "old man" included helpful things like No-Doze, glasses, Designer Depends, and a urinal. He should be all set for what's to come. It was thoughtful of everyone to show such concern.

Once everyone had chowed down on chili, pasta salad, chicken wings, taco salad, veggies, onion dip, chips and cheese puffs, a few of the guys just had to "have their way" with the cake!

The "Birthday Boy" was first!

Then his 9 year-old son, the soccer phenom!

Then the Birthday Boy's younger brother!

All in all, it was a fun time, and yes, if my son is old, then I must be ancient!

EVA

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

2012-01-08T00:14:00.008-05:00

The Cracker Barrel Old Country Store is retail store and a restaurant located at 357 Maine Mall Road, in South Portland, Maine. there are over 600 stores in 42 states across the country, serving homemade food at reasonable prices.

There's nothing like that huge stone fireplace to warm the dining area on a cold Maine day!

Cracker Barrel serves breakfast all day, so even though we were there at lunch time, Mr. Eva ordered cinnamon French toast, which came with scrambled eggs, bacon, and a side of hash brown casserole! Now that's a Man-size meal! His only complaint was he didn't care for the sugar glaze on the French toast. He managed to scarf them down, just the same.

I went for the chicken with apples and onions with an apple cider glaze, with carrots, and hash brown casserole. The dinner was supposed to include stuffing, which they had just run out of, so I substituted broccoli cheese casserole, which was a disappointment, especially since I do like their stuffing. The chicken was delicious! The apples and onions were tasty also in the apple cider glaze; the carrots were tender and tasty.

There are tables for two, four, or more, so any size group can be accomodated.

You could spend lots of time looking at all the wall decorations; there were antique photos, old fashioned tools, old signs, and all sorts of interesting memorabilia.

We have eaten at several Cracker Barrels around the country and consistently get mostly good meals. My favorite breakfast there is their apple-smoked bacon, an apple bran muffin, and hash brown casserole! And the check won't break your wallet! Although, I seldom can leave the store with out a few extra goodies, like old fashioned candies, or something for one of the grandchildren from the country store side of the place!

Note: I was not compensated for this review; we paid for our meals, and the opinions expressed are our own.
EVA

Saturday Silliness

2012-01-07T00:14:00.004-05:00

A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards.

'What denomination do you want?' asked the lady at the counter.

'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian.

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Two boys were arguing when their teacher entered the room.

She said, "Why are you arguing"?

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and
a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He
opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father,
what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,!
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to
his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does.'

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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...."

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EVA

Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 1

2012-01-06T01:18:00.025-05:00

(A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk.)

The air was practically dripping of estrogen and testosterone. Both men and women studied them with appraising eyes, as Sandy followed her friend into the fray. The women appeared to be sizing up the competition, and the men—why they were just sizing them up! Surreptitiously unfastening one more button on her already dangerously open shirt, Ginger grabbed Sandy’s arm and steered her to a nearby table which still had empty chairs available.

The tables were purposely large, seating ten or more people, in an effort to encourage fraternization among the patrons. Because it was a bottle club, meaning you brought your own beverages, coolers of ice, beer, liquor, and mixers were evident here and there between the tables. Thanks to an unspoken rule that you didn't mess with someone else's booze, unopened drinks were unguarded, and no one seemed to be taking advantage. Several 'bouncers' mingling in the crowd were quick to squelch any disputes, escorting any uncooperative parties to the nearest exit.

On stage, the red-haired vocalist was belting out a 'he done me wrong' ballad, accompanied by a bearded, burly, electric guitar player clad in muddy brown and yellow western-style shirt, tight, faded jeans, and highly polished cowboy boots. Clad in a brick- red mini dress, the singer flaunted her cleavage as she held the phallic microphone to her lips, and leaned suggestively toward the guitarist for emphasis. All around the dance floor, couples were clinging to each other, demonstrating varying degrees of intimacy and dancing ability.

"Welcome to singles night at Country Connections," Sandy muttered to herself. It hadn't been her idea to come to this place, known throughout the southern part of the state to be frequented by fast- moving men and free-wheeling women. Ginger, her best friend and confidant, had convinced her that a night out-- a chance to meet and mix with a few eligible men--was just what she needed at this juncture in her life.

Both women had been divorced for a year or more and had spent most of that time adjusting to their new roles as single Moms. Both had moved to the same city within months of each other, had secured employment at the same company, where they had met and almost immediately become close friends. For months now, Ginger had been trying to get Sandy to get out and socialize, without success. It was only due to Ginny's relentless pestering, and a bit of secret loneliness on Sandy's part, that Sandy finally caved. Now, however, she was having second thoughts.

With a Bud Light from their shared cooler in hand, Sandy surveyed the crowd. There was a mixture of ages from 20's to maybe even 60's, some seated at tables chatting in loud voices in attempt to be heard over the strains of the band, as others on the dance floor moved with the rhythm of the music. She marveled to think there were that many singles within commuting distance of the dancehall. Of course it was difficult to know how far lonely and fun-seeking souls would travel for a few hours distraction and the possibility of a hook-up, be it a one-night stand or a long-term relationship.

In her peripheral vision, she noticed a guy watching her. He looked like he might be on the lower side of 40, wearing glasses, a light blue shirt, and dark jeans. Her heart sank when he started toward her.

Quickly, she turned to talk to Ginger, but her friend was already out on the dance floor with a fellow who had swept her away while Sandy's back was turned. "Okay, don't panic, don't panic," Sandy told herself, hoping she was mistaken and that he was about to approach someone else. No such luck. She turned again, and there he was, less than three feet away, his right hand extended.

"Hi. I'm Mark." He strained to make himself heard over the pounding music. Then the song ended, with applause from the crowd for the red-dressed singer. Mark smiled as she shook his extended hand. He was easy on the eyes; not drop dead gorgeous, but pleasant enough; he wasn't salivating, and his attention was not focused on her breasts--both strong points in his favor!

"Sandy," she offered, as the band burst into another number. He took her hand and guided her to the dance floor. She was grateful for the rock music; it eliminated the need to be physically close to her partner, and the volume precluded any attempt at conversation. They swayed and gyrated to the beat of the music, and Sandy began to relax a little. It had been a couple of years since she had danced, and the acoustics of the place made giving herself over to the gods of rock pretty easy.

She was actually beginning to have fun when the band segued into the tones of "I Can't Help It If I'm Still In Love With You." Before she had time to think about it, Mark had pulled her to him and they were up close and personal. He moved smoothly around the dance floor, and she felt herself melting into the mood of the song, slightly sad, somewhat nostalgic, and a little romantic. When the song ended, she was almost sorry. He thanked her and escorted her back to her table.

While finishing her beer, Sandy glanced around her. There was Ginny holding court on the other side of the room. Several men and a couple of women were gathered around her in animated conversation, and she was nodding her head in agreement with whatever they were saying. Her black, curly locks were moving with each nod. Finally, she spied Sandy and returned to their table.

"Well, wha'd ja think, kiddo? Is this a good time kinda' place or what?" Ginny asked as she reached into the cooler for another Bud.

(to go to chapter 2, click here)

EVA

Where Can I Get One???

2012-01-05T00:15:00.015-05:00

For full effect, click on lower right hand corner to see video on full screen.

Does Walmart have them? Or maybe Target? Or maybe this is this Victoria's Secret???

EVA

New Word Wednesday #53

2012-01-04T00:09:00.001-05:00

Today's words:

grapp: (noun) a music form involving spoken poetry performed by grandmas' as in , "To everyone's surprise, Amanda's mother learned grapp while vacationing in Cyprus with her grandson."

packa: (noun) a type of winter jacket worn by Mainers; as in, "Mr. Eva wouldn't think of stepping outside in the winter without his ski packa."

parsini: (noun) a hybrid vegetable developed by crossing parsley with zucchini; as in, "The hit of our holiday meal was Reeni's Parsini Casserole."

rescooni: (noun) a racoon trained to rescue baby birds when they fall out of their nests; as in, "During the spring, Rodney's pet rescooni was kept busy by clumsy baby birds in his back yard."

turgath: (noun) flatulence emitted by a turtle with a lisp; as in, "The real reason the tortoise beat the hare in that legendary race is the hare was overcome by turgath."

Remember, use a word in a sentence 3 times and it's in your vocabulary forever!

Don't forget, if you haven't already signed up for my New Year's giveaway. click here and do it now!

EVA