Have you ever had a conversation with someone and thought to yourself -

Who are they trying to convince, me or themselves?

What sort of conversations leave us questioning who’s trying to convince who?  Here are a couple of different scenarios you might recognise.

Talking ourselves up

You’re having a conversation with someone and they start telling you how great they are at certain things.  Actually, it’s not certain things, it’s everything. No matter what you talk about, they seem to be good at it.

Often this sort of behaviour isn’t about bragging, it’s about insecurity.  People tend to talk themselves up when they are feeling insecure.

From a work perspective, there can be a multitude of reasons for this sort of behaviour.  A demotion, problems with management, a restructure or a job we hate can all leave us feeling vulnerable and dissatisfied.

We all have moments where we need to give ourselves a pep talk.

The trick is not to go overboard. No one is great at everything, instead focus on the things you are really good at, that way people are more likely to stay interested in the conversation and take what you are saying seriously.

Bragging is something you want to avoid. Generally, it’s a huge turn off. Many people will simply stop listening to you.

Name dropping and number dropping can be annoying if taken to extremes. If used correctly, they can facilitate a fascinating conversation. The key lies in your target audience.

Don’t assume a $200 million budget is better than a $1 million dollar one.  It depends on who you are talking to and what their primary interests, goals and values are.  It could be a mistake to assume big numbers will automatically impress people.

Making excuses

Generally speaking, when we want to do something – we do it. When we don’t – we make up an excuse. As much as we like to sugar-coat things, that’s basically the way it works.

If someone starts rattling off excuses for not doing something they are usually trying to convince themselves they have a valid reason for not getting the job done.

The fact is they may have no genuine desire to complete the task at all.  The task itself may be something that was expected or demanded of them by someone else, instead of something they wanted to do.  When people use the words ‘I should have…but,’ there is often an excuse not far behind.

Of course the other big reason for making excuses is good old-fashioned fear. Perhaps there is something we desperately want to do, but the thought of it scares us senseless.  Sometimes it seems easier to roll out an excuse instead of facing our fear head on.

Make sure you understand the difference between an excuse and a reason, often our mind will play tricks between the two.

Justifying our actions

There probably aren’t too many of us who haven’t justified our actions at some point. I know I certainly have.

When it comes to people trying to justify their actions, it’s normally a case of wanting to convince themselves they had a valid reason for acting a certain way (particularly if they did something they are ashamed of) and trying to convince us as well.  Secretly they are hoping we won’t judge them too harshly.

The easiest way to not have to justify your actions is to focus on making better personal choices. As mentioned in an earlier post, your life is an accumulation of your choices. Make choices in line with your core vales and you will find yourself not needing to justify yourself  anywhere near as much.

Lying

Of course another option is that people could be flat-out lying to you.

In this scenario they are probably trying to convince you of something that they know is a lie. It goes without saying, there is probably a benefit in it for them.

Unfortunately some lies can be hard to spot.  Some people are great liars (not something to be proud of by the way, in case you were wondering) and others are terrible at it (I definitely fit into this category).

Exaggerating isn’t lying but it certainly comes in second.  Certain people tend to have a habit of exaggerating.  As long as you are aware of this particular personality trait, it’s not that hard to work around.

One of the things I love about writing this blog is that it makes me examine my own behaviour.  This post definitely has me thinking about room for improvement in my own personal interactions.

Next time you find yourself asking who are they trying to convince, think about the above list to see if any of the scenarios apply?

Just remember, someone might be asking the exact same question about you!

Can you relate to the points in this post?  Do you think I have left anything out?  I would love to hear from you in the comments section below.

If you enjoyed this post please forward it to your friends.

Who do you confide in when you have a work related problem or reason for celebration?

Whether we decide to talk to friends, family or a work colleague people often have different ways of responding.

Here are 12 different types of responses you may come across in your discussions about the struggles and triumphs of work. As you read through this list you will notice that some overlap depending on the situation.

For the purpose of this exercise, I am not referring to people who you pay to help you with a work issue.

The listener

If we are lucky we all have at least one person in our lives who is a good listener. With any luck, you will have more than one.

When we have a problem, they listen to us talk about our issues without judgement. If need be, they let us rant without interrupting.  They can also be trusted to keep the information to themselves.

The key to the listening relationship is that it needs to be reciprocal. When the other person has a problem, you sit and listen in return with no judgement or interference.

The yes man

Sometimes we like to talk to a yes person. It’s usually when we’re upset and need to get things off our chest.

In a nutshell the yes person agrees with us.  They see our point of view.  They understand and sympathize.  They get where we’re coming from.  These conversations tend to be common when discussing a manager, boss or company.

Sometimes the yes conversation is just what we need, though it’s not a good idea to be having these conversations on a regular basis. We lose all sense of objectivity if someone is constantly agreeing with us.

The mentor

The mentor listens and then makes useful and well thought out suggestions. They try to help you with the situation instead of being simply a sounding board.

They look at things from a neutral perspective and offer advice accordingly, allowing you the freedom to either take their advice or go in a different direction. They appreciate that part of their role is to help you process the information yourself, not tell you what to do.

The mentor can be a great asset.  This relationship also works best when it is reciprocal.  While you may not be able to help this person with work related issues, listening to them when they need to talk is a great way to repay their kindness and support.

The see both sides person

This is a combo of the listener, yes man and mentor.  They will listen, sympathize and give advice but also provide insight into another point of view.  Sometimes we need someone who can see both sides of the story.  They often help us see a solution or approach that we may have overlooked ourselves.

They can also help us remember the positive aspects of a situation instead of focusing and obsessing on the negative.

This person will often ask you questions in an attempt to have you looking at the problem from a different angle or make you think about your answers.

The you will do it this way person

They tell you want to do whether you asked for their help or not.  They don’t so much as give advice as boss you around.

Often they may have an investment in the outcome of whatever problem you are experiencing.

While this person may in fact have some solid advice, you still need to make decisions for yourself. Don’t let people take over your decision-making process. Weigh up all of the options and decide for yourself.

The person who is always better than you

Have you ever confided a vulnerability, doubt or fear to someone and their first response is – ‘I’m fantastic at that?’

Not exactly the response you were looking for when you expose a vulnerability, particularly one that was hard to talk about in the first place. This sort of response makes you doubt yourself even more.

If you know someone who tends to respond in this manner, I would stop confiding in them about certain aspects of your work.  Stick to more neutral conversations where they won’t have an opportunity to put you down.

The don’t outshine me person

Thankfully sharing information about work isn’t all about problems. When wonderful things happen we like to have someone to share them with.

Unfortunately some people don’t react well to the success of others. They are happy for us but well there is always a ‘but’.

No matter how well you do at a particular task, they will find a flaw in your work. Sometimes this sort of response can be about competition, other times it’s simply about ego.

You can either stop talking to this person about your success or accept that they will respond this way and choose to overlook their element of negativity.

The one upper

If you have climbed Mt Kilimanjaro, they have climbed Everest. Sometimes no matter what we do, there is always someone more than happy to tell us they have done better.

This attitude of one upping people occurs through all aspects of life, not just work.

In some work situations you might prefer to let this one slide. Your reaction will probably depend on how often someone responds in this manner. To be honest, many of us do this occasionally without realising and certainly without any malice intended.

In a social situation with friends however it’s not a bad idea to politely address this issue with the person involved if they regularly exhibit this type of behaviour.  This should preferably be a one on one discussion, not done in front of a large group. The purpose isn’t to embarrass the person, simply to point out what they are doing and how it makes other people feel.   They may not even be aware they are acting this way.

The person who is genuinely happy for you

These are the people who you want to share your fantastic news with.

Most people fit in this category, so it shouldn’t be too hard trying to find someone to celebrate your good fortune or good news with.

The person who is proud of you

In the post The Importance of Show and Tell in Relationships, I mentioned how transformational the words, ‘I am proud of you’ can be. If a friend, family member or co-worker comes to you to celebrate their success make sure you truly demonstrate how happy and proud you are of them.

I guarantee this will make someone’s day.

The trusted co-worker

If you decide to talk to someone at work about a work-related problem, make sure it is someone you trust.

It should be someone you know will keep your confidence. Once you have been working with people for a certain amount of time, you will learn who you can and can’t trust.  If you are new to a company, take your time in working out who you can trust before opening up about problems to someone.

Everyone and anyone

Sometimes when we have a problem at work, we talk to everyone and anyone about it. This includes friends, family, co-workers and clients.

Personally I think this is a mistake.  People talk about other people at work. Don’t kid yourself about this.  Everyone does it to some degree.

Gossiping, complaining and talking about co-workers can get out of control in an environment that is going through a period of instability or transition such as a restructure or change of management.

Alliances can change over time given people’s circumstances and you may find the problem with your boss that you talked about with co-workers, has spread like wildfire around the office. You can pretty much guarantee at some point, it will get back to your boss.

Do you see yourself in any of the above situations?

Can you recognise some of the people you may have confided in?

Depending on our own situation we can take on different hats and roles.   Next time you have a work problem or success to discuss, take a moment to consider who you should be talking to.

If you enjoyed this post, please forward it to your friends. I look forward to your feedback in the comments section below.

Photo courtesy of Ambro of Free Digital Photos.net

The countdown is on for BlogWorld New York.

With 12 days before I fly out, I have a lot of work to do and a birthday to celebrate in between.

It’s going to be a busy couple of days!

Over the weekend, I printed out the BlogWorld three-day session program and started working out which sessions I want to attend.

This task may sound easy enough but with 10 sessions to pick from in certain time allocations I have my work cut out for me. On top of that, several of the speakers I was looking forward to hearing are up against each other in the same time slot.

At this point, I’m really happy I decided to buy a virtual ticket as well. That way I won’t miss out on any of the great speakers (though it will take me a while to go through them all).  Once the conference is over, it will be a case of prioritising which talks are most relevant to what I am trying to achieve on my blog and starting with those.

After running through my session preferences, it was time to investigate the venue itself. Though I have been to New York several times, I have never been to the Jacob Javits Convention Centre.

Having a look through their website and floor plan I’m realising this conference venue is a LOT larger than our home style conference centres. We’re talking several levels, multiple rooms on each subsection, a food court, coffee shops and much more.

Quite frankly I am hoping I don’t get lost. Only joking, well sort of!

Since this is my first conference I am sure I will have a lot to write about after the event but for now I have included five links from people who have gone before me.  I have highlighted my favourite piece of advice from each post.

Freelance Switch – How to Make the Most Out of a Conference or Expo

The point that stands out the most for me in this post is about business cards.

Mainly because I currently don’t have any.

At the moment, I’m looking into getting some printed up.  It goes without saying there is a vast difference in the quality of cards available.

I have also been reading about the dangers of simply throwing your business card at every person you talk to.  From what I have read and heard a lot of them end up in the bin. I don’t won’t that happening with mine.

John Chow – 8 Killer Tips on Getting the Most Out of a Conference

Don’t just hang out with friends is my favourite tip in this post.  Technically I won’t have any friends (at least not ones I have met in person).  I have to say though, I am very excited about meeting some of the friends I have made online.  With that in mind, I will have to resist the urge to stay close to my existing online friends and make sure I meet some totally new people.

I am also hoping other people heed this advice, since many of them will have a lot of friends at the conference.  If they stick together in their own groups, it will make it more difficult for me to meet people.

The Daily Muse – 10 Ways to Make the Most Out of a Conference

In this post, my highlighted piece of advice is make sure you follow-up in a timely manner.  Come to think of it, several of the posts mention the importance of follow-up, however there seems to be some variation on the timing of the follow-up.

With plans to stay in New York for a week after the conference, I will definitely have to schedule some follow-up time while I am in New York as well as when I get back to Australia.

The 99 Percent – 5 Tips for Making the Most of a Conference

My favourite tip from this post is definitely keep the action steps separate from the wisdom.  As a person who takes a lot of notes it can be very frustrating to have to sift through pages and pages of writing to find that all important action you need to implement.

The other tip I particularly like is writing your intended action down on a person’s business card.  It’s another great way to make cards useful and practical.

Work Awesome – 8 Ways to Make the Most of a Conference

My favourite tip from this post is quite simple.  Have fun!  With so many thoughts and tasking racing through my head, I will need to remind myself to take a deep breath and enjoy myself as much as possible.

Naturally I will be looking forward to sharing my own tips and wisdom learned once I return from the event.

If you are going to BlogWorld, I would love to hear from you.

Do you have a conference coming up?  Would you like to share your preparation advice or any conference strategy tips with us? If so, please leave your feedback in the comments section below.

Please share this post with your friends and work colleagues.  Your support is greatly appreciated!

Photo courtesy of Pixomar at Free Digital Photos.net

As I prepare for the BlogWorld conference in New York, I am reminded of my last trip overseas.

Around this time last year (give or take a couple of weeks), I flew to Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh courtesy of the wonderful people at Thai Airways.

It was my first overseas writing assignment.

Here are 12 lessons I learned from this amazing experience.

Holidaying and working while travelling are different things

I was quick to discover that going on holiday and travelling for work are completely different things.

For starters, I was travelling with a specific purpose and objective.  I had a deadline to work within and specific writing parameters to take into consideration.  My mind was focused on getting the job done.

It was also the first time I’d taken my laptop travelling with me.  More care and responsibility is required when you take equipment with you as opposed to simply carrying your battered old backpack around.

I totally loved the experience of travelling and writing, something I am definitely looking forward to with my pending New York trip.

Everything is a potential story

The interesting thing about travelling for work (particularly when it involves travel writing) is that everything around you is a potential story.  Everything from the people, history, culture, places, past experiences in the city and personal feelings can all contribute to an article.  It made me look at things from a different perspective.

Adding a personal element was exciting and might not be something you could do if you were writing for a conventional travel magazine. Even though I had my topics pre-selected, I was constantly looking for a different spin on each topic.

Start working before you go

Having chosen my four core topics before leaving Australia, it wasn’t a case of rocking into Bangkok and thinking what I would write about.

As soon as the flight was confirmed, it was time to start researching and looking for story ideas. Naturally this included using the Internet, but it also involved guidebooks, magazines and going through some of my photos and mementos from previous trips to both Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh.

Stay flexible with your plans

Research and topics aside it’s a good idea to allow for flexibility in your travel and work plan.  Being too rigid with your plans could mean missing out on a great opportunity.

There was one instance where I could have experienced an amazing day trip out of Bangkok if I had asked a few more questions or thought a little more outside of the box.

Keep to a schedule

Despite being born in Queensland, I don’t cope well with hot weather. Having travelled to both cities before I was aware of how hot it could be at that time of year. To my surprise (and delight), Bangkok was quite cool.  A brief cold snap had occurred only days before I arrived.

Ho Chi Minh however was a different story. It was incredibly hot. The heat lasts all day.  It’s the sort of heat that zaps your energy and can leave you feeling listless. You also sweat a lot, so drinking enough water is essential.

Consequently I found myself venturing out early in the morning; stopping somewhere for lunch and then heading back to my air-conditioned room where I would work through the heat of the afternoon. Sometimes when I had a commitment in the afternoon, I would head back to my room earlier in the day for a cold shower (and on really hot days a change of clothes) and then head out again.

Since I was writing about restaurants and bars, I was back out in the evenings. Afternoons and late at night become my prime writing times.

Write while it’s still fresh

Whilst I am not sure what works for professional travel writers, I found myself taking copious handwritten notes and then typing as much detail as possible into my laptop when I got back to my room. As someone who doesn’t have the best memory, I tend to write everything down.

Though I didn’t write all of the posts in the 10 days I was overseas, I certainly had many posts in draft form by the time I arrived home.

If I had waited to get home and then started writing, I am sure the finished product wouldn’t have contained as much detail.

Internet access is important

I often read blogs relating to location independent businesses. What always interests me is the logistics of working online? In particular having access to the Internet which is obviously a must for a blogger.

The Internet access at the two hotels I stayed at was fantastic.  To be honest, I could get used to having secure, reliable Internet every time I travelled.  It was an utter bliss.

I used email and the Internet for ongoing research, contacting tour operators, updating this blog and sending the quick email home to let people know I was doing well. I also made the most of Skype, with one friend from Australia calling me every day to check on my writing progress.

Choose a central location

As a backpacker and traveller I have sometimes stayed a long way out from the action. Sometimes it was a matter of choosing to stay in the suburbs where the locals live, staying in areas frequented by other travellers, being close to nature and the outdoors and occasionally it was about money. Sometimes the further out you stay the cheaper the accommodation is.

Travelling alone I prefer to stay close to the action.

Both hotels on this trip were in great locations.  I was close to everything that I was writing about.  Taking the time to travel for long periods to and from main attractions would have eaten into my 10 day time frame. It also would have meant travelling more at night by myself.

The art of eating and drinking

Since I love trying different sorts of food and wine, this felt like a natural fit for me.  With that in mind, I also appreciate there are specific skills involved in being a dedicated food writer.

One thing I found intriguing was how people looked at you when you were taking photographs of your food.  It paid not to be too shy about it or you would miss out on the shot.  The combination of writing notes while I was eating and taking photos of the restaurants, bars and people in them, amounted to some very curious looks from strangers and staff alike.

Having experience travelling alone was a benefit when it came to going out.  While some people may feel intimidated on their own, I don’t have any problem sitting in a bar or restaurant by myself.

Photographs are part of the package

I took a lot of photographs and for a very good reason. I’m not a great photographer.  My plan was to take as many photos as possible with the hope that I would get enough good ones for my posts. Thankfully that was the case.

I am sure we have all travelled with someone who loves taking photos; their first instinct is to get out their camera.  Generally, I am not that person. I’m usually too busy experiencing the moment and totally forget about my camera.

This particular trip made me realise just how much I need to learn when it comes to taking good quality photographs. I also realised I have a lot to learn about night photography. Not one of my night photos (at least when it came to panoramic shots) came out correctly.

One definite plus was I learned more about using a photo editor like Picasa to bring out the best in my photos.

Get stuck into the work when you get back

Once I was back, there was no time to take it easy. I worked consistently to meet my deadline and was happy with the finished product.

Don’t forget about promotion

As I was typing this post, I realised the one key thing I should have done much sooner was promote my posts.  Even though I posted each link on both my personal Facebook and Write Change Grow Facebook page this is the first time I have featured the posts together.  It’s also the first time I have written about the experience in-depth.

Though the posts were loaded on the website over time, in hindsight I should have been promoting my work much earlier.

The result = 16 travel posts for you to enjoy.

I have linked below to each individual post for easy access.  Alternatively you can also use the previous/next buttons at the bottom of each post to move from one to another.  If you want to view the short video I put together for this trip click here.

Bangkok posts

Authentic Thai Food plus a Sweet Treat

World Cuisine

Saxophone Bar Bangkok

Wine Bars with a View

The Grand Palace, Buddha and Sunburn

Bangkok Shopping Centres

Bangkok Markets

Ho Chi Minh posts

Food Mekong Delta Style

Reunification Palace

Ho Chi Minh Bars

The War Remnants Museum

Vietnamese Food

Sofitel Saigon Hotel 

Phatty’s Sports Bar

Shopping on Dong Khoi

Ho Chi Minh Shopping

It goes without saying; this trip was an incredible experience which I thoroughly enjoyed.

If you liked this post, please forward it to your friends.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments, particularly if you have experience with travel writing. With the New York trip not far away, all insight and feedback would be appreciated.

When I was working with a coach, we talked about self-limiting beliefs.

As you can imagine by the name, a self-limiting belief is something that you believe that can and will hold you back from accomplishing your goals and dreams.

The real danger of these little suckers is that we often don’t realise they even exist. They linger in the background of our minds, causing fear and doubt in our lives.

As I have mentioned here before, the way we talk to ourselves can have a huge influence on our productivity, performance and self-esteem.

Over the course of writing this blog I have tried to walk the talk on the personal development side of things. Writing this blog has taught me a lot. Naturally coaching was a huge turning point for me as well.

So imagine my surprise when I realised over the weekend, I had picked up a new self-limiting belief.

I couldn’t help but wonder – how did this happen?

It started out with a simple thought. A thought expressed about a particular fear.

It started with ‘I don’t know how to…’

Just to be clear this thought wasn’t used in a way where all I had to do was learn how to do the task.  It was expressed in a negative way implying that I couldn’t, no matter what I learnt, carry out the task.

Harmless enough if it is a one-off random thought. The problem is one-off scary thoughts seem to like holding parties. Before you know it, 50 of the same negative thoughts have come for drinks.

Then they decide to stick around and trash the place.

Without realising, I had been repeating this, ‘I don’t know how to …’ declaration over and over again.

Before I knew it, I believed it.

This negative cascade of energy was stopping me from working on my eBook and stopping me from making the progress I needed.

It was slowly creeping into my everyday vocabulary.

If I didn’t put a stop to this negative thought, it was going to ruin my business prospects.

The great thing is once you realise you have a problem; you can start working on it straight away. You can silence that negative thought in your head and kick those beer drinking party crashers out the door.

This is one of the priceless benefits of coaching.  While issues still arise, I recognise them early, know how to handle them and most importantly am prepared to do the work to get myself back on track. I won’t lie though, sometimes it takes me a little longer than I would like.

Have you ever spoken to someone who announced they have given a problem a lot of thought, they know what is wrong and exactly what they need to do about it? Then they do absolutely nothing.  Don’t fall into this trap. Recognise a problem and act on it.

The important thing for me now is to transform, “I don’t know how to…” into ‘ This is how you do it.’

Deep down I know this limiting belief has no legs.  I know it is not rational, logical or true.

What self-limiting belief is sabotaging your life that you don’t even know about?

It could be something like:

• I’m not good at relationships
• I’m not good at job interviews
• I’m not good with money
• I’m not a good manager
• I’m not lovable
• I’m not pretty enough
• I’m not smart enough
• I don’t deserve to be happy
• I don’t deserve a promotion
• I don’t know how to run a business
• I don’t know how to save money
• I don’t know how to make money online
• I don’t know how to work for myself.

Obviously some items on this list are easier to work through than others but all of them require you to start somewhere.

Think about your negative recurring thoughts.  Do they stem from a limiting belief? What are some of the excuses you use for not trying something new or starting a project?  Do your excuses link back to a self-limiting belief that is lying dormant?

Unearth the belief and bring it out into the light. Start dealing with the issue, send it packing and watch your life move forward.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends.

Photo courtesy of Exploring Alaska by RV

Show of hands.

Who is terrified of writing their first product?

I recently read a post by Corbett Barr.  Corbett’s post was about  how you are going to suck when you first start out.

What struck me is a recurring theme through the comments of this post about how people are worried about creating their first product, which in most cases is an eBook.

For any blogger, entrepreneur, potential author, writer etc – your first product can be downright terrifying.

Just for the record I would have put my hand up as well, since I am about half way through my first eBook and the demons are starting to crawl out of the woodwork.

Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m worried my first product will suck

I’m worried no one will buy it

I’m worried it’s not good enough (which explains the procrastination and constant rewrites)

I’m worried it’s going to be the same as all the other products on the market.

With this in mind, I decided to go searching for some help.

Dealing with the fear

Seth Godin – Fear of Shipping

This post talks about the fear of sending out your work. Whilst it was written in 2010, it is ageless because unfortunately fear doesn’t come with an expiration date.

Zen Habits – The Reason You’re Stuck and the best way to avoid the six ways that will keep you stuck

This happens to be a guest post by Seth Godin on Zen Habits.  This post was written around the time of Seth’s book Linchpin.  There are two terms in this post – shipping and lizard brain, which are now an established part of the blogger vocabulary.  With several top-selling books to his credit, Seth Godin definitely knows what he is talking about.

IttyBiz – What to do when you’re scared sh*tless?

This post by Naomi Dunford from IttyBiz talks about what to do when you’re a scared entrepreneur. While it wasn’t specifically written about the fear of creating your own product, it certainly captures feelings you will be able to relate to.

General how to

Wake Up Cloud – How to Write Your First eBook

Remarkablogger – How to Write an eBook that Doesn’t Suck

iNBoundPRO – How to Write and Sell an Ebook in 7 Weeks

How to make it work

I Will Teach You How To Be Rich – Why most people fail at making online products and how you can win

The I Will Teach You How to Be Rich blog has an excellent article on why most people fail at making online products and how you can win by Chris Guillebeau (one of the kings of product creation).

iNBoundPRO – 14 Successful eBook authors reveal how to write eBooks that sell

Hector from iNBoundPRO talks to 14 successful eBook authors.

Smart Passive Income – eBooks The Smart Way

This is my favourite resource on writing an eBook.  It’s completely free providing you sign up to the Smart Passive Income blog, which is a fantastic website run by Pat Flynn.  Definitely a win/win situation.

eBook Reviews

As you can imagine, there is a range of eBooks you can buy on how to write your own eBook.   I found this review post particularly interesting.

Sticky eBooks – Ebook reviews

Not only is this an interesting post but the site itself is full of information.  While the Sticky eBooks blog is no longer being updated (Kelly the owner now has a new website) there is a lot of information and products still on offer on this site.

One interesting point I noticed with the eBook market is that it seems to be constantly changing and evolving which is something to be aware of. Taking this into account, I tried to include information that is still relevant.

While researching this post, I realised that while many of these posts talk about launching your eBook, the launch process is a large and extremely important part of the process.  Consequently I decided to leave the launching side of things to a different post.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends.

I would love to hear from you in the comments.  Do you have any suggestions on how to create a sensational online product? What  are your fears about creating your own product?

Photo courtesy of Renjith Krishnan at Free Digital Photos.net

Cleaning can be very therapeutic.

During a session of vacuuming on the weekend, a thought popped into my head and I couldn’t shake it.

What was my vacuuming revelation?

Life is primarily made up of two factors – your choices and random events.

Let’s take a look at these one at a time.

Your Choices

I believe a huge part of our life is made up of our choices. Our choices have a profound affect on how things turn out.

Some choices are not rocket science. If you choose to spend more money than you earn, you end up in debt.  If you constantly eat fatty foods you put on weight.

As we all know choices have consequences both good and bad.

Some choices are set in stone, others easily changeable. Many of the set in stone options have more flexibility than we imagine. If something doesn’t work out we can try something else.

Some choices like marriage and children have a huge impact on our lives, others barely make a difference.

Or at least that’s how we often view things.  I’m starting to understand that a lot of our small decisions can have a big impact.  One cigarette here, a drink there, buying a pair of shoes you can’t afford, popping a few dollars into a slot machine repeated over time can all add up.

A lot of our seemingly insignificant choices can have a snowball effect.

Often we don’t want to take responsibility or be accountable for our choices. It’s sometimes easier to blame our partner, parents, friends or crappy boss for the trouble we get ourselves into.

Most of the time there is no one to blame but ourselves. At first thought that fact could be a little confronting but give it some more thought.  It’s actually quite liberating.  It means that we have more control and power over our situation than we imagined.

Sometimes we underestimate the power of our own choices.

This isn’t about not making mistakes either. We all make mistakes. If you are not making mistakes, you are probably not trying to learn, grow or improve and that can be the biggest mistake of all.

You shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Bear in mind there is a difference between not knowing something is a mistake and knowing full well an action is going to negatively impact your life and doing it anyway. I have done this myself in the past (more times than I care to admit) and it always comes back to bite you or someone else. These sorts of mistakes often hurt people.

A problem arises when you keep making the same bad choices and the same mistakes over and over again.

I will give you a painful and embarrassing example from my own history.

Unfortunately I used to be attracted to bad boys. For this post, I won’t go into the reasons why but suffice to say I could write a book about the topic.

Despite the fact that I knew certain people were bad for me, I kept repeating the same mistake by choosing the wrong sort of person. Whilst there were moments where these people were exciting to be around, it didn’t outweigh the prolonged periods of heartache and low self-esteem I ultimately suffered.

While it would be easy to blame the men involved, it was me who was making the bad choices by hooking up with them in the first place. I didn’t learn from my mistakes (at least not in the beginning).

Thankfully my self-esteem, values and choices are now aligned and bad boys don’t even factor on my radar any more.  A sign of disrespectful behavior is an instant turn off.

The more control you have over your choices the happier you will be.  You might be thinking all of this control sounds a little boring but you need to start looking at control in another way.  Think of it in the realm of adventure, freedom, fun, spontaneity and boundless options, instead of something that limits you.

Don’t think that your choices need to be all about giving up or sacrificing the things you want.  Compromise and making sacrifices may be required but ultimately it’s about deciding what is most important to you and choosing to make it a key priority in your life.

Random Events

This is the stuff that keeps us awake at night. These are the events we stress and worry about. It’s being told we have cancer or being involved in a serious car accident.  It’s being on the receiving end of a natural disaster.

Random events, in this context, means the stuff that happens to us.

It’s justifiably scary because a lot of it is out of our control.

That’s where we go full circle. Some of the random stuff, like the car accident for example isn’t all that random. Often it can be the result of someone else’s choices. Getting behind the wheel of a car after having a few drinks would be an example of a bad choice that hurts innocent people.  Our choices have consequences.

While we have no control over certain events in life, we certainly have control over our own decisions.

True power exists in our choices.

Are you making the most of yours?

Do you agree with these two factors or have a different opinion? I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below.

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Last Saturday I didn’t turn my laptop on.

No checking my blog stats first thing in the morning, no Facebook updates, no retweeting great blog posts, no checking work or personal emails. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I cleaned the house in the morning, went to the hairdressers (I’m blonde again just in time for my trip to New York) and went for sunset drinks at a gorgeous new bar on the edge of the Brisbane river. Then it was off to dinner and home by 10 pm.

Still the laptop stayed off.

It felt pretty good actually.

I figure one of two thoughts are flying through your head right now. If you don’t work online, you’re probably thinking I’m slightly crazy and need to get out more (you might have a valid point there by the way).

If you do work online you might be thinking, ‘I need to do that more often’ or be asking yourself, ‘When was the last time I did that?’

The truth is before last Saturday, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t turn on my laptop every day, at least in the morning.  It’s not like I work all of the time, I take a lot of time off, just not usually a full day at a time.

I realise to a non-blogger this might sound a bit extreme.

But let me put it another way, when was the last time you didn’t use your iPhone or mobile phone all day?  Leaving it somewhere by accident and not being able to use it, doesn’t count by the way.

I don’t have a phone that connects to the Internet which is a good and a bad thing, depending how you look at it. I’m starting to realise how much it would help with my work but I’m also aware it forces me to take some time out.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, working from home makes it much easier to quickly turn on the laptop and start working.

Being single and not having children certainly makes a difference as well. I don’t have any constraints on my weekend time, except for the ones I impose on myself, so I can work or play whenever I want.

I have been observing the work habits of other people lately.

I’ll give you an example. This Monday was a public holiday in Brisbane. As someone self-employed and still working to get established, I rarely take public holidays at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I do take some of them just not all of them. When I first started working for myself, I wondered if other people either starting out or already established did the same.

I began to notice how many people with their own business were still working on Facebook and Twitter on public holidays. Granted many of their tweets and updates were automated but I noticed a lot were not. They were talking to each other and to my knowledge, I don’t think there is an automated system for this sort of conversation yet (if there is by all means let me know).

Technology has become such a big part of our lives (which as a blogger I am happy about by the way) that sometimes we need to make a conscious decision to step away from it, even if it is only for a short time.

The interesting part is on the day I didn’t check my results, some of them did incredibly well.  One of the stats I was following tripled during my day offline, while another quadrupled. I’m starting to think I should take a full day off more often!

With BlogWorld New York fast approaching, I don’t anticipate many days where I won’t be working on my laptop leading up to the event.

Take that back, I do have a birthday coming up this month and I might just take the whole day off.  Then again, I could just quickly check my blog before heading off to brunch…

I would love to get other people’s insight on this. If you work online, have a blog or work for yourself how often do you take days completely devoid of electronics?  Do you work on public holidays or down tools completely?

I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts in the comments section below.

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Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

As I mentioned in my last post, I found an old diary last weekend and couldn’t resist the urge to take a stroll down memory lane.

What I failed to mention in the post was this wasn’t my only diary. I have a whole box of them.

I have been writing either a journal or diary for many years. Sometimes it takes the form of a journal where I write down my feelings at random times or a calendar diary where I write a short account of what I have been doing and feeling each day.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learnt from keeping a diary.

You are tougher than you think

Over the years, volumes of my journals and diaries have been dedicated to writing about the men in my life.

In one journal, I recount how I couldn’t possibly cope without my ex-boyfriend. I thought I couldn’t live without him.

Now I barely remember him.

When I first read through these particular journal entries (I’m slightly embarrassed to admit there was more than one along these lines) I cringed to myself at how needy and insecure I was. Years later, when I glanced through them, I laughed out loud at the absurdity and drama of it all.

Journals can be a reminder of how strong and resilient you are.

If you have an old diary, take the time to flick back through the pages to see how you overcame a particular setback.  We often find a situation wasn’t as bad as first anticipated. Use the knowledge and experience you acquired when next faced with a problem.

Make yourself happy

In all of the volumes written about my various boyfriends, you might be wondering where I factored into the equation? The truth is I probably didn’t factor in as much as I should have.

I was often too busy trying to make my partner happy that I failed to register if I was happy myself. In relationships, I used to be the ‘fixer’. No matter how broken a relationship was I would set about trying to fix it, when in fact I should have walked away. I should have been running in a few instances.

Unfortunately, I probably made a few of my partners miserable with this fixer approach as well. It wasn’t just me who suffered.

I have a completely different take on this now.  I don’t try to fix things. I focus on my own happiness instead of trying to keep everyone else happy and work from there. I accept that some relationships should not be fixed or forced.

Don’t seek out drama

I am the first to admit I used to be a bit of a drama queen when I was younger. I am not sure exactly why.  I think it was a combination of boredom, a need for excitement and plain old immaturity.

Journaling and keeping a diary can help you recognise destructive patterns in your behaviour.  Sometimes we can’t see our bad habits or actions without looking at the big picture. Once you are aware of what you’re doing, you can choose to do something about changing your behaviour.

Life is about choices

Life is all about the choices we make.  Choices have consequences good and bad.  Some choices have little or no consequences, while others can stay with us forever.

The more you see your choices (and the consequences of them) documented, the more they start to sink in and the more you begin to question how and why that choice came about.

Thoughts rattling around in our heads don’t always take hold.  Words written down or said out loud can have immense power.  This is a component of working with a coach.  Often a coach will have you express your feelings out loud to truly get the point across.

Friendship is important

A recurring theme throughout my life is the constant support of my wonderful friends.  They have helped and supported me during some testing times. In turn my friends have leaned on me as well.

Naturally they have been there for the fun times as well and thankfully there have been plenty of those!

People talk a lot about the importance of family and yes without a doubt family are important.

Friends however should never be taken for granted or their importance overlooked. Often they will be there for you when family won’t.

You’ve come a long way baby

Reading through my old diaries reminds me just how far I’ve come and how much I have grown.

As a self-development tool, the benefits of keeping a diary should not be underestimated.  If you have some old diaries have a look through them.

Don’t be afraid to face your past head on and recognise how far you have come. Don’t be scared to acknowledge that you still have some work ahead of you.

I realise in a high-tech world with so much of our lives documented online, traditional hard copy diaries and journals are considered old-fashioned.

Yet sometimes having a private place to express ourselves freely and without judgement from others (and ourselves for that matter) is just want we need to remember, reflect and revitalize.

If you enjoyed this post, please forward it to your friends.

If you have learnt from your experience of keeping a diary or journal I would love to hear from you in the comments.

I stumbled upon an old personal diary over the weekend.

The diary was from 1994 when I was 28 years old.  I decided to take a stroll down memory lane.

Within minutes I was laughing my head off.  I was also completely amazed.

I went out a lot back then. I was extremely social. Every night (though I occasionally stayed home on Monday nights) I was out. Movies, dinners, shows, social club work functions, you name it.

I was a social butterfly.

Recently I have been somewhat less social. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my life has changed over the last couple of years.  I have been heavily focused on my writing and blogging goals.

Writing is a solitary pursuit. While people do collaborate on certain writing projects, it tends to be something you do on your own. In my case often in silence because it helps me concentrate. It’s not exactly party central. Not that I am complaining, I love my new lifestyle.

However with BlogWorld New York approaching, I’ve started thinking about the networking and social side of the conference.

Here are my initial thoughts after reading through the old diary.

Don’t drink too much

A few too many entries start with the words – bad hangover.  I admit I drank too much and too often back then.

This is something I will be acutely aware of as I attend the conference.

Firstly I don’t want to do anything embarrassing (which as we all know is more likely to happen when you have had a few). Secondly I want to remember the people I meet and talk to.

What’s the point of meeting all of these amazing people and learning new skills and information if you don’t remember it later? I also don’t want anyone remembering me for all the wrong reasons.

Embrace the one on one

Even back when I was 28 I enjoyed meeting people one on one. This probably explains why I went out so often in the first place, because I had a lot of friends to catch up with and I enjoyed talking to them privately.

Talking one on one gives you the chance to talk more openly. You are more likely to confide in someone and have a more in-depth conversation when you are not part of a large group.

When two people are talking it gives them an opportunity to connect.

This is going to be interesting from a conference point of view since there will be a lot of people all wanting the same thing.

Quiet areas or private moments may be hard to come by.  I imagine the best chance for a one on one conversation will be to book meetings for breakfast, lunch or dinner before, after or during the conference.

Go the large group

The times where the one on one went out the window were work social functions and my birthday parties.

I had some epic birthday celebrations. I would gather a group of wonderful friends at a fantastic Sydney restaurant and let the night unfold. I would flit around the room talking to everyone.

At one birthday, my 30th I think, I made a habit of sitting on everyone’s lap and having my photo taken.  While I won’t be sitting on anyone’s lap at BlogWorld, I will be trying to socialize with some of the larger groups.

Of course, this is fundamentally where networking gets tricky.

With birthday and work functions I pretty much knew everyone.  If people bought along a friend I didn’t know I was quick to introduce myself and say hello.

At a conference, it’s completely different since you may have never met anyone before or at least not in person.

My plan is to reach out to as many of my existing online friends that are going to BlogWorld. Then it won’t feel so much like meeting strangers, as meeting friends for the first time.

Don’t feel intimidated

I used to have a boyfriend who was very outgoing. He was the sort of person who made everyone laugh. He loved being the centre of attention.

Whenever we went out in a group, his best friend hardly said a word.  I used to think his friend was incredibly shy until years later when I met him one on one.

He wasn’t shy.

He simply chose to step back when someone else was taking centre stage, which meant most of the time when his best friend was around.  He probably felt he couldn’t be as funny or as entertaining.  He may have felt like he couldn’t compete, so he simply gave up.

Once I got to know him better, I realised he had a lot to add to conversations.

It can be difficult but try not to feel intimidated by big personalities who monopolize the conversation.

Don’t monopolize the conversation

You saw that one coming didn’t you.

I have experienced this a few times myself.  You go out with a group and someone comments at the end of the night about how quiet you were.  Sometimes it’s not about you being quiet, it’s about someone else not being quiet enough!

I’m sure you know what I mean.  There was one person doing all of the talking (about themselves normally) and you couldn’t get a word in, so you stopped trying.

Keep trying.  Perhaps break off into a sub-group to talk to other people if possible.

If you are the person doing all of the talking, ease up for a moment.  Let someone else have a turn.  The conversation will be much more interesting if you let other people participate.

Be Yourself

Whether we like to admit it, we can act differently around different people.

Not only that but people see us at different stages of our life and assume that is who we are now or were in the past.

I’ll give you an example of a conversation that occurred between two of my friends who met for the first time on a night out.

New friend – ‘It’s great to see her coming out of her shell.’

Older friend (from time in diary) – ‘What do you mean?  She’s always like that!’

Needless to say, they were talking about me.

The important thing is to be yourself and act appropriately for the situation. Obviously you are going to act differently in a business situation as opposed to a backyard barbecue with friends.

In a work situation strive to be friendly, professional and interesting.

Keep Learning

I have a lot to learn about networking and socializing for business.

As a Personal Assistant I was the one organizing large social functions (also a valuable skill I might add) though I didn’t always get to attend them.

Since I understand networking and socializing are not the same beasts, I will definitely be asking my friends who attend conferences regularly for some tips.

On a socializing level, I need to reignite my inner social butterfly, dress her up and take her to the party!

I’d love to hear any networking/socializing tips you might have to share. If you have been to BlogWorld in the past, I would value your input.  Please leave your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below.

Is there a social aspect of yourself that needs to be reignited to help your business or career along?

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