As usual, I sat down and made myself comfortable at my laptop Friday night. I started to rewatch the Otalia footage for the week of June 29, and I began to analyze the events for this week’s Otalia post. Once I started to write the actual words for this post, I found myself struggling. If any of my readers follow my Twitter adventures during Otalia writing sessions, they know it’s not unusual for me to struggle. However, this was different…even different from the post I struggled through after Crystal Chappell’s Days of Our Lives announcement. I felt like I wasn’t saying what I needed to say properly, that everything was coming out wrong. I tried to get past what I was feeling and focus on writing my Otalia post as usual. Still, that feeling couldn’t be ignored. It wouldn’t go away no matter how many mental breaks I took from this week’s depressing Otalia footage. I felt like I was going in the wrong direction with this week’s Otalia post. When I woke up this Sunday morning, I knew what I had to do. I had to scrap everything I’d written for this week’s Otalia post and start over. In the back of my mind were the words and direction for this post, which had been struggling to surface for days.

If you are expecting one of my regular Otalia posts this week, you won’t get that this week. This post is going to be different because I feel different after watching this week’s Otalia footage. I have some things I want to say, and I would not be true to myself if I didn’t say them.

In last week’s post, I discussed the spoiler that I was accidentally exposed to online. That spoiler concerns the pregnancy angle with the Natalia Rivera character, which was revealed the week of June 29. I said that I wouldn’t discuss the pregnancy angle further until I saw how it played out. Well, I watched how it has played out up to the July 3 episode, and I am not happy about what I have seen at this point. After I finished the July 3 episode, I had many questions buzzing in my head among a sense of total confusion. I know many Otalia fans felt angered and hurt based on the reactions I saw on Twitter. I felt many things myself, but anger and hurt wasn’t among those feelings. I just sighed in disappointment by the time the July 3 episode ended. Why? Because I’m not surprised what happened with the Otalia story as it currently stands. I’m just disappointed that it derailed in this manner, which I will expand upon later.

Some of you know how I feel about the state of soap operas. Some of you know that I am a cynical and pessimistic person when it comes to daytime drama these days. I have watched my favorite genre destroy itself for a decade with careless writing, rewrites, recycling, and character-destroying plots and dialog. Guiding Light was one of the few sparks of hope I had for the soap opera genre. The Guiding Light has been the gold standard that I want other soaps to aim for. Many of you also know that I praise the Guiding Light for the writing and story lines. Since I have been watching, the Otalia story line has been the most beautifully written story I’ve seen on daytime. It was nearly flawless…until the June 29-July 3 episodes.

First off, let me state that I do not expect perfection in the Otalia story line. I just expect a good story at the very least, and I expect a beautiful and carefully written story at the most. The Otalia story has mostly been a beautiful and carefully written story. I have applauded Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst for the story telling with Otalia. However, that doesn’t mean that they are above constructive criticism when warranted. This is one of those times.

Thoughts on The Natalia Pregnancy Angle

I like to remain spoiler free for Otalia, but in a weird way, I am thankful for being exposed to the pregnancy spoiler for Natalia. I had plenty of time to allow my mind to adjust to this new obstacle in Olivia and Natalia’s relationship. If I had been surprised over the pregnancy angle, I might have been upset as I watched the June 29-July 3 episodes. Since I knew what was coming, I wasn’t upset when it seemed like Natalia was pregnant with Frank Cooper’s “Frankenbaby.” My mind was comfortably numb to prepare for the angst and the pregnancy. I was at a place mentally to take in this pregnancy angle without getting so emotional. I was curious as to how Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst would write this pregnancy angle, which would send off the Natalia character for a month (for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave). Now that I’ve seen how this pregnancy angle was written, I don’t understand the direction of this story at this point. In fact, I am really confused but not for the reasons you might think. Here is what I find confusing.

In the June 29 episode, Natalia was talking to Father Ray about her sickness and her feelings for Olivia. This is a snippet of dialog from that conversation:

Natalia: “Are you suggesting to me that I pretend that I don’t have feelings for Olivia? Because it would make my life a little bit easier? My life would have been a lot easier if I gave Rafe up for adoption. Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person. So if I’m sick or if I’m a little run down, I don’t believe it’s because of the choices that I have made.”

This particular dialog makes sense to me with the Natalia character. This is something I sense she would say based on what I have seen in the Otalia story. Keep in mind, I have only seen the Otalia back story starting in September 2008. That said, this snippet of dialog in her July 2 conversation with Father Ray doesn’t sound like the Natalia I know.

Natalia: “Is it a bigger sin to love a woman or to have slept with a man outside of marriage? I’m pregnant. And I don’t know if God is trying to punish me because I love Olivia or trying to tell me that I should have married Frank or both.”

Natalia feeling like God is trying to punish her is nothing new since I have heard her say this before. I find that part of her dialog logical and true to her character. However, I don’t understand why she feels like God is punishing her because she loves Olivia. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I have watched Natalia reiterate over and over how she has worked out her feelings in loving Olivia vs. her religion. Natalia has been saying this since the May 2009 episodes. Now, because Natalia discovers she’s pregnant with a “Frankenbaby,” she feels like being punished for loving Olivia and not marrying Frank. This dialog makes no sense with what she has been saying all along in addition to the snippet of the June 29 conversation I discussed previously.

I just found the July 2 dialog with Father Ray to be a false statement that doesn’t sound like the Natalia Rivera I know. To me, she wouldn’t say this and definitely not at this point of the story. It was my “what the frak?” moment (among many) when I watched this pregnancy angle for the week of June 29. It just doesn’t ring true to me. I understand she would feel guilty, but I don’t think she would feel like God is punishing her. Natalia has come too far in reconciling her love of Olivia with her faith to say this.

Natalia: “We were going to go to the Bauer BBQ…together. And then this happened, and I just…I can’t believe this could be coincidence. You know, I really think it must mean something.”

Natalia believing in signs from God is believable to me. She expressed that same sentiment to Olivia on the March 26, 2009 episode when deciding to marry Frank. I believe Natalia would think her “Frankenbaby” is a sign from God. Nevertheless, the “Frankenbaby” should not make her question her relationship with Olivia. I would think Natalia would be more worried about Olivia’s reaction when she told her she was sperminated by Frank.

Natalia: “I saw Frank before, and I just couldn’t tell him. And the thought of telling Olivia…I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do.” Father Ray: “Maybe you should go away for a little while…by yourself, to try and figure things out.” Natalia: “It just sounds like running away.”

I can understand that it would be hard for Natalia to tell Frank and especially Olivia that she’s expecting a “Frankenbaby.” What I don’t find realistic is how Natalia handled it by not saying anything, especially to Olivia. Other than God, Natalia has turned to Olivia and talked to her about her problems. I find it strange that Natalia would be so comfortable talking about a “Frankenbaby” to Blake. In the June 26, 2009 episode, Natalia was uncomfortable at the idea that Blake knew about her and Olivia. Within a span of days, Natalia trusts and confides in Blake about something very important – a “Frankenbaby” – but not Olivia. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Even if Natalia still wanted to leave Springfield to figure things out, she would not leave without talking to Olivia. The Natalia I know would have told Olivia about the pregnancy, as hard as it would have been. As I recall, Olivia is her friend and her family as well as the woman she loves.

• On the February 13, 2009 episode, Natalia stopped Olivia from running away from her problem after learning about Phillip Spaulding’s return. Natalia asked that Olivia allow her to be strong for her. Why wouldn’t Natalia think Olivia wouldn’t do the same for her? I would think Natalia would expect the same comfort and strength from Olivia if she told her about the pregnancy.
• On the February 16, 2009 episode, Natalia told Olivia that she trusts her with her life. Olivia also said she trusts Natalia with her life, which she has demonstrated. When it’s time for Natalia to put her trust to the test, she doesn’t. She runs away and doesn’t trust Olivia with “her life” like she said she does.

These examples of dialog from Natalia highlight the illogical behavior of her character. I just don’t believe the Natalia I know would do what she did – run away and not tell Olivia about the “Frankenbaby.” I have no problem with Natalia leaving town to get her head together. Still, I just believe she would talk to Olivia first and tell her the reason why. Natalia might have still left behind a hurt Olivia by telling her the truth. Instead, she left behind an utterly devastated Olivia by leaving her hanging on an important day.

Father Ray: “Let me make arrangements for you at the retreat.” Natalia: “I know you mean well, Father…I do…it’s just that’s just running away, and I can’t do that to Olivia.” Father Ray: “Listen, if Olivia loves you…if she really, really loves you, she won’t be afraid to let you go for a while.”

I guess Natalia is listening to Father Ray now when it comes to advice over Olivia. This is odd since she has not listened to him since May 2009. I get that she needs solace and advice, but after battling Father Ray for two months over Olivia…this just doesn’t make sense to me. To reiterate, Natalia told Father Ray this on the June 29 episode: “Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person.” Now, she’s not adhering her own words, and she’s relying on Father Ray’s suggestion for a religious retreat? I don’t get it. Running away over a “Frankenbaby” without confronting Olivia (or Frank) is the easy way. Telling Olivia and even Frank about the “Frankenbaby” is not easy; it’s difficult. How can a decision to run away and select the easy way make Natalia stronger? Again, I feel like Natalia would have had a conversation (at the very least) with Olivia about the “Frankenbaby” before leaving Springfield. Olivia is her best friend.

In Natalia’s July 3 conversation with Blake, I noticed something else in her dialog that confused me. When Natalia told Blake that she was leaving town, Blake tried to get Natalia to see that she has to talk to Olivia and Frank. It’s this snippet of dialog that gave me another moment that left me puzzled.

Blake: “I know that you have to tell Frank, and you need to talk to Olivia.” Natalia: “I can’t. I’m too ashamed. I don’t know how to talk to Frank. I don’t know what I would tell Olivia.”

I am fine with everything Natalia said…except for the “I’m too ashamed” part of this dialog. If Natalia was 16 and pregnant with Rafe, I can understand her feeling ashamed. Now that Natalia is in her mid 30s, I’m puzzled why she would be ashamed for being pregnant. I can understand her feeling like she should have been smarter in her choice to sleep with Frank. I can understand her feeling like history is repeating itself with an unplanned pregnancy. Still, I’m pondering why she would feel ashamed over her pregnancy. On the June 29 episode, Natalia was telling Father Ray that it would have been easier to give Rafe up for adoption. I felt that because of her struggles raising Rafe as a single mother, Natalia would be able to handle news of a “Frankenbaby” better. Now, the week of June 29, she is ashamed at the possibility of having another child. I’m just puzzled by this after all of the things she’s said about Rafe and the pride she has in raising her son alone. I understand that Natalia is very religious. I get that sex outside of marriage was a guilt-tripping issue for her several months ago. Still, I felt Natalia had worked through her views on sex based on her recent discussion (June 12, 2009 episode) with Olivia. Again, Natalia is no longer 16; she’s at least 35 years old. With all the progress she has made, I can’t see her feeling so ashamed over the “Frankenbaby.” She would be shocked over the “Frankenbaby” and nervous how to break the news but not ashamed.

Natalia would have a support system during her pregnancy. Of course, Frank would step in to give her any support she needs during the pregnancy. I truly believe Olivia would be supportive of Natalia. Olivia would not judge Natalia and break up with her because she got sperminated with a “Frankenbaby.” I think there is some insecurity on Natalia’s part in thinking she would lose Olivia over the “Frankenbaby.” Natalia’s insecurity is actually one the few refreshing things about this pregnancy angle. I always felt that Olivia was the one who felt insecure about losing Natalia because she was unworthy of her. I always felt that Natalia was very confident in Olivia’s love because Olivia has always been so very expressive of that – in actions, touches, and smoldering, loving looks. I never felt that Natalia was insecure about losing Olivia until the “Frankenbaby.” Out of the things I don’t like about this pregnancy angle, I actually do like a Natalia who is insecure about holding on to Olivia.

Overall, I do not like the way the pregnancy angle has progressed for the week of June 29. I realize that this angle of the Otalia story line has not played out to completion, but I have to say what I feel based on what I have seen. I didn’t like the idea of a pregnancy angle being used to write Natalia off the show for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave. I felt there were better ways of writing this character off for a month. The pregnancy angle is classic soap opera drama, and I do love classic soap opera writing. Nevertheless, I felt like this angle was just unnecessary for the Otalia story line. It provided a level of angst that I just didn’t need among other things. It’s a torture device for the Otalia fans, and I do like being tortured…if it is the good kind. The pregnancy angle and the way it has played out thus far is not the good kind of torture.

I watched Natalia say and do inconsistent things. I realize I don’t have the long history with her character, but her dialog and actions don’t make sense, especially in the July 2 and July 3 episodes. Regardless of what she has done in the past (i.e. if she ran away before), I just don’t see her doing the things she’s done. I have watched Natalia grow so much over the past few months. Her strength and courage has blossomed under Olivia’s love. I love Natalia, but I don’t understand why she would resort to “cowardly lion” mode over the “Frankenbaby.” My confusion comes from the way this angle and Natalia’s dialog was written. To me, it comes off like it wasn’t planned in the story properly. Look at how everything has been written for this story line and look at this pregnancy angle. It stands out like a sore thumb. I don’t understand it. Jessica Leccia has been pregnant for months; that is no secret. I felt like there has been plenty of time to figure out how to write Natalia off the show in a way that made sense and rang true to her character. While I don’t like the pregnancy angle, I felt that everything with this angle really took a dive on the July 2 episode. The Natalia character experienced some damage with her dialog and actions. All I have to say is this: Jill Lorie Hurst will have to write her butt off to fix this. Based on how Natalia was written the week of June 29, she is going to have to fight hard to get Olivia back. In my opinion, Olivia would not accept what Natalia has done so easily. Natalia showed a lack of faith and a lack of trust after everything they have gone through. Olivia has done everything right in this relationship, and she was pierced in the heart for it. If Olivia goes into self-destruct mode while Natalia is away, I wouldn’t blame her. That would make sense.

As for the pregnancy itself, I feel 90% sure that Natalia is not pregnant with a “Frankenbaby.” Even though the doctor told Natalia she was pregnant, I noticed something prior to this announcement. While Natalia was giving blood for her pregnancy test, her vile of blood wasn’t labeled. I noticed how the camera focused very closely on the blood trays, which is a huge clue. I feel like there will be a mix up in the lab. Additionally, Natalia never bothered to get her sonogram before leaving. The doctor suggested scheduling it, but Natalia didn’t do this. All of these things are signs that Natalia is not really pregnant. I’m leaving myself with 10% uncertainty on this pregnancy angle because I just don’t have blind faith in soap writers. There is always the possibility of introducing important plot points occurring off camera. Like I’ve explained before, I have been burned too many times by writers when it comes to soap couples I like. It’s why I only have the faith of a mustard seed in Ellen Wheeler or Jill Lorie Hurst. That is better than the zero faith I have in just about all of the other executives and head writers for soaps.

Thoughts on Olivia Spencer

While I watched the episodes for the week of June 29, my heart ached for Olivia. She was so happy about being able to come out with Natalia. Her happiness was so evident that Buzz Cooper, Doris Wolfe, and Phillip commented on it. They knew something had changed and made her light up inside. I knew something was about to dim that light and put a “Frankenclipse” on her happiness, which made these scenes difficult to watch. It also made it hard for me to like Natalia as much as I did a week ago. I knew Olivia was about to be deeply hurt, and I didn’t like watching Olivia being staked through the heart. Unlike the other times Olivia has been hurt in relationships, I feel like this time is truly different for her. She did everything right, and I’m sure her worst fears were realized when Blake told her Natalia wasn’t coming. I believe Olivia felt that she truly was unworthy of being loved as she ran from the BBQ to be alone. Frank told her he wasn’t sure she was the right person for Natalia earlier that week, and I’m sure she was wondering if he was right at that moment.

As Olivia broke down into heartbroken tears, I felt that Crystal Chappell was gearing up to rip my heart out. I appreciate beautiful acting, and I sense I will see another possible Emmy reel performance. If that were the case for the week of July 6, then this would be a good outcome from this pregnancy angle.

Thoughts on Otalia vs. Everyone Else on Guiding Light

The July 3 episode was one of the saddest episodes I’ve seen on Guiding Light since I tuned back into the show. The main thing that was sad about this episode was watching everyone else be happy while Olivia fell to pieces in misery. I couldn’t help but notice the stark difference between everyone else and the only lesbian couple on the show. Natalia and Olivia were falling apart (albeit temporarily), and everyone else was having fun at the annual Bauer BBQ. Why would you make them so miserable while everyone else is so happy?

I’m going to get real here for a moment by saying that Otalia is a huge draw to the Guiding Light. I’m aware there are other large fan bases (i.e. Bill and Lizzie aka Bizzie), but I have a feeling that none of those fan bases are larger than Otalia’s. Otalia drew non-soap opera watchers to Guiding Light in addition to wayward old fans like myself. It drew mainstream media attention where other story lines couldn’t. The Otalia story line drew passionate fans together to launch a campaign to save Guiding Light. I’m aware that Guiding Light knows how big the Otalia fan base is. That’s why I don’t understand why the writers chose to make Otalia so miserable and everyone else so happy. Aside from Phillip, Otalia’s scenes on the July 3 episode were the definition of misery. Even Phillip had some brighter moments in his gloom. Granted, Olivia was happy at the BBQ right until the end. Still, I knew that her happiness was about to be shattered the entire time. I just don’t understand this level of angst just for Otalia’s story line for the July 3 episode. After enduring so much angst from January 2009-April 2009, this pregnancy angle angst was one step too far for me. Otalia had enough angst dealing with Rafe’s “Rafertude.” This pregnancy angle and Natalia leaving without speaking to Olivia…it’s just too much angst. Sometimes there is a such thing as overkill. As far as I’m concerned, it was overkill in the angst level. There was no need to highlight the huge vast in Otalia’s misery and everyone else’s happiness.

I just wonder why the show’s most popular couple was treated to so much unnecessary angst. Are they trying to turn fans away? I’m just throwing the question out there because I know some Otalia fans quit Guiding Light after the July 3 episode. The cynical part of me is aware that if you turn fans against a show, it can be cancelled without a vocal fan base to try to save it. Let’s face it, Otalia’s fan base is very vocal, if not the most vocal. I have been a soap opera watcher since I was a toddler, and I have become a jaded soap opera fan over the past decade. Nothing about the soap opera industry surprises me anymore. I believe that most networks want out of the soap opera business, so the best way to kill soaps is to kill soap fans’ passion for a show. I’m not saying Proctor & Gamble is trying to turn us against Guiding Light, but I just wanted to play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Thoughts on the Depressing Turn in Guiding Light

I have praised the Guiding Light for the good story telling they have been doing. Now that the light is probably dimming and it probably won’t be picked up, I noticed a depressing turn in the show. I know I normally keep my posts Otalia-centered, but I have to mention another story line to provide some perspective.

Phillip, Olivia’s ex husband and Emma’s father, is dying and has three months to live. From what I have seen, the Guiding Light’s story telling (as a whole) started to come alive again with Phillip’s return to the show. I see the irony in giving him a life-ending illness because Guiding Light is dying itself. However, I think this was not a wise turn to take with Phillip. Fans of Phillip and Beth want a happy ending, and killing him is not the happy ending fans have in mind, which includes me. I also noticed that same depressing turn with the Otalia story line.

This pregnancy angle is not a stake in the heart to Otalia, which would turn it into ashes. I still believe that they will be together in the end, no matter what. However, the pregnancy angle is definitely depressing and unnecessary. Some fans are concerned what this means, especially if Natalia is truly pregnant. Again, I don’t believe Natalia is pregnant. If she is, then the fears I expressed two months ago might have some truth to it as far as I’m concerned. I would like to believe that “The Powers That Be” still care about giving the fans what they want. However, you never can tell in the days of dying soaps.

I have to wonder what’s going on with the depressing turn with some of Guiding Light’s favorite characters. As I writer, I know that when I’m depressed, my depressing thoughts can show up in what I write, and it can and does fuel me to write at my best. I wonder if the reality that Guiding Light is ending, which will result in job losses, is affecting the writing. Perhaps this could explain some of the solid and great writing with other story lines and depressing writing for others (i.e. Otalia and Phillip). Whatever is going on, Guiding Light has roughly two months and two weeks left on CBS. As a fan, I’m well aware that Guiding Light is ending. That’s a depressing enough thought. I don’t need or want to see depressing story lines on this show right now, which makes it more difficult to watch. Trust me, it was hard enough watching the last Bauer BBQ. Having Rick Bauer give a shout out to his Grandma Bert and watching the cast gather together like that was sadder than I expected. I just feel it would be nice to keep this depressing turn from going any further. There’s less than three months left before Guiding Light ends. As a result, I have a simple request: give the fans what they want and give us happy story lines.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, I want to say a few more things about Otalia and Guiding Light. I know many Otalia fans have blind faith that Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst will deliver. I know other Otalia fans don’t have much faith that they will deliver. I am on Team Reality when it comes to Otalia at this point. I do not have blind faith in any soap opera execs and writers and never will. If you have watched soaps self destruct as I have, you understand why I can’t have blind faith. As I have said before, I have the faith of the mustard seed with Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst, which is something. I believe Otalia will be together when Guiding Light ends. It may or may not be what I expect, especially if the pregnancy angle remains. Either way, I have slowly come to terms with the Otalia story line over the past few weeks. Story angles that would have made me really upset a few weeks ago don’t upset me in the same way anymore.

I’m going to be honest with you. I am not as emotionally invested in Otalia as I was a couple of weeks ago. I started distancing myself emotionally the day the Crystal Chappell announcement (her return to Days of Our Lives) came out. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t love Otalia because I do. I just felt it was best for me to start distancing myself emotionally to prepare for the worst. The worst of course was the end of Otalia and Guiding Light. I’m to a point where whatever happens, happens in the Otalia story line. I care but not as deeply as I did a couple of weeks ago. I just can’t allow myself to continue to be so emotionally invested in Otalia – not after the way I felt after the Crystal Chappell announcement. I’m just along for the ride until it plays out to the very end.

That said, I am still waiting to see how this pregnancy angle plays out. I don’t like its progression at this point, but perhaps Jill Lorie Hurst has something up her sleeve that I can’t see. Perhaps there is something great in store to fix this pregnancy angle in the future. I don’t really like to speculate and I avoid spoilers, so I will wait and see.

I know this isn’t the Otalia post that many of you expect from me, but I had to be true to myself. I felt that I couldn’t write about Otalia as usual. This is the post that I needed to write this week so I wrote it. I was honest and true. As much as I love what Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst have done, this week’s progression of Otalia was problematic for me. I wasn’t about to let the inconsistencies fly by without talking about them. It confused me on many levels. It’s why I was having so much trouble trying to write the first version of this post. I’m aware there are some fans that have blind support on the Otalia story no matter what they see. I am not one of those fans. I wouldn’t be truthful with myself and you if I didn’t write what I feel. I feel that the Otalia story line took a depressing and wrong turn this week, but who knows what the upcoming week will bring. All I can do is watch and see.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

Author’s Note: I apologize for the lateness of this post, but a number of unexpected events kept me from completing it as I usually do (Saturday or Sunday).

The Otalia roller coaster took a dip into depression valley the week of June 15 as the angst ramped up and clouded some of Otalia’s radiance. The Guiding Light episodes for the week of June 22 would continue on level track right through depression valley for the most part. Nevertheless, this story would attempt a M. Night Shyamalan twist (more like The Village than The Sixth Sense) as the week ended, and a “Frankenclipse” unlike any other would darken Otalia’s light.

The June 22 episode began with Natalia, Olivia, and Emma continuing Rafe’s birthday celebration. With Rafe being a no show, Natalia’s mood was dampened, sad, and a bit lonely, despite Olivia and Natalia’s presence. Olivia correctly guessed that Natalia was hoping Rafe would return the farmhouse and celebrate his birthday. However, Natalia realized that he wouldn’t. Natalia expressed to Olivia that she’d hoped his birthday would be a new beginning, which would allow her to repair her relationship with Rafe. Despite Rafe’s slight progress in the June 19, 2009 episode, he still isn’t ready to deal with Natalia and Olivia’s relationship.

After Emma swiped a bit of icing from the cake and Olivia jokingly admonished her, Natalia decided that they should forge ahead without Rafe. Olivia seemed hesitant and asked Natalia if she was sure, but Natalia was resigned to celebrating Rafe’s birthday without him. As Olivia lit a matched and shared her flame with Natalia’s matchstick, I recognized the symbolism in this scene. When I reviewed the old Otalia footage (late 2008 and early January 2009), Olivia was the first to become aware of Natalia in a romantic way. It took some time for Natalia to recognize the torch Olivia was carrying for her. Having Olivia strike the match and pass her flame to Natalia symbolized how their romantic relationship has played out. Olivia carried the flame in an expressive way – via angst-ridden facial expressions – for many months. Natalia never allowed herself to truly accept what she felt for Olivia until she left Frank Cooper at the alter. Now that Natalia has accepted the torch from Olivia, it is Natalia that seems to be carrying it in this second act of the Otalia story line. As this story unfolds, it seems to be told with Natalia as the lead.

Emma attempted to blow out the candles and couldn’t, so she enlisted Natalia and Olivia’s help. Afterwards, Emma told them that she made her wish and asked if Natalia and Olivia did the same. Although Emma never revealed her wish, I have a feeling she wanted what she has wanted since the month of April – to move back into the farmhouse. When Olivia glanced up from Emma to gaze at Natalia, her expression indicated what she’d wished for. Olivia’s softly spoken “we made our wish” conveyed a very simple message – Olivia wants Natalia and Natalia wants Olivia. Natalia intercepted and received Olivia’s message, but I also felt that Natalia wished for something more. I think she wanted Rafe to accept them as a couple, and she hoped they could figure out a plan to bring him back into the family.

When Emma left them alone, Natalia explained the birthday traditions she’d established with Rafe while raising him. Because Rafe is a diabetic, Natalia has to make his cakes sugar-free. As she explained to Olivia, she wanted his birthdays to be special. Although Natalia was 16 and pregnant with Rafe, she still felt that his birth was the best day of her life. Given the saddened misery she’s been it, it’s clear that Natalia never regretted getting pregnant with Rafe at a young age. Like Natalia indicated on the June 19, 2009 episode, Rafe is more than her son; he’s her best friend. Olivia could see the effect Rafe’s absence was having on Natalia, which is why she reassured her she was a good mother. Natalia, however, was still feeling down on herself and seemingly blaming herself for creating the distance with Rafe. Her response to Olivia indicated as much.

Natalia: “I’m sitting here on my son’s birthday, in front of his birthday cake, and he’s not even here. He doesn’t even want to be in the same house with me.”

Based on the loneliness Rafe exhibited on the June 19, 2009 episode, this is not true. I think he definitely wants to be home and be near Natalia – as the mother he once knew.

Olivia: “That’s not true. He wants to be in the same house with you. He doesn’t want to be in the same house with me.”

I watched Rafe’s interaction with Olivia when he baked cookies with her on the June 9, 2009 episode. I also watched Rafe’s limited interaction with Olivia when he was in prison. He likes Olivia…or he did until he found out she was romantically linked to Natalia. His accusations that Olivia was forcing Natalia into a romantic relationship were spoken out of shocked anger.

Natalia: “No, he doesn’t want to be in the same house with us…if we’re together.”

Natalia couldn’t have spoken truer words. Right now, this is the last thing Rafe wants. He’s still battling over the Catholic doctrine and religious beliefs taught to him by Natalia.

Olivia looked a bit worried as she told Natalia that she wouldn’t lose Rafe. When Natalia conveyed her doubts, Olivia spoke with more confidence by telling her she wouldn’t let that happen. I felt Olivia was also trying to reassure herself, too. As she expressed to Natalia, their relationship could not survive if Natalia loses Rafe. Olivia spoke with encouragement and conviction as she told Natalia they would need to figure out how to bring Rafe back into the family. Natalia’s small smile and response was sad yet slightly hopeful. I feel like she wants to believe, yet I also sense a bit of remaining uncertainty.

When Olivia got ready to leave and take Emma back to summer camp, Natalia suggested rescheduling her job interview to join them. Emma had a service project at camp that Natalia wanted to be a part of. Olivia wisely encouraged Natalia to keep her job interview. Yet, she also told Natalia she’d love for her to be there because they love Natalia. Once again, I found myself smiling. This was the second time in a week Olivia verbally expressed that she loved Natalia – albeit in a different way. As I have explained before, Olivia shows that she loves Natalia often through actions and gazes filled with longing. It was just nice to hear the words again from Olivia. Before leaving, Olivia cupped Natalia’s cheek, and Natalia gave her another small smile. When I watched this scene, I felt that Olivia’s touch was one more of a “hang in there, we’ll get through it” caress.

Before her job interview, Natalia stopped by Company to speak with Frank about Rafe’s birthday. Frank explained that the Coopers – Marina, Daisy, and Frank – had his birthday celebration covered. I watched Natalia’s face light up into a smile as she expressed her gratefulness. I was relieved that the Coopers didn’t give Natalia a hard time; however, I also saw the irony and noticed the feeling of “what would have been” in this scene. Had Natalia – God forbid – married Frank, she would have celebrated Rafe’s birthday with the Coopers. Natalia ran away from Frank because of Olivia, and Rafe ran to Frank because of Olivia. The ironic part of this whole situation is this: no matter who Natalia chose, Rafe would have celebrated his birthday with the Coopers anyway. I personally think it’s unfortunate because the Cooper clan leaves me cold.

Soon afterwards, Natalia stopped by Towers and ordered a shot of Vodka. Blake Marler overheard Natalia and spotted her at the bar. Blake approached and joined her, and I found myself smiling at this scene for two reasons. First, Natalia was dabbling in strong spirits again; her first time (that I’m aware of) was on the June 11, 2009 episode when she connected with Rafe in a different way. Maybe Olivia is rubbing off on Natalia more than she realizes. It makes sense considering Natalia’s characteristics (i.e. gentleness and understanding) are rubbing off on Olivia. Second, I was just happy to see Blake. After her love vs. sex pep talk with Olivia in the June 11 episode, Blake elevated herself in a huge and significant way in my eyes.

Natalia explained that she was having a rough day. She expressed that her interview at Towers for a position didn’t go well. Blake sighed and asked about her job with Olivia, which is where Natalia explained she quit. Blake considered Natalia’s reply before saying the following:

Blake: “Oh…well, I can imagine she might be a little difficult to work for.” Natalia: “Oh, no she’s wonderful…”

Natalia didn’t think Olivia was so easy to work for on the October 22, 2008 episode. Right before Natalia accepted Olivia’s job offer as her assistant, Olivia collapsed and had a heart attack. Later, Natalia accepted Olivia’s offer after visiting her in her hospital room. Although she was weak, Olivia immediately started to fire off tasks for Natalia to complete. Natalia experienced some self-doubt, and Olivia pushed Natalia to see herself as she sees her – as a “freakin’ superhero.”

As I saw in the December 2008 episodes and onward, Natalia definitely started to see just how wonderful Olivia was – as a friend, as her family, and as the woman she loves.

Natalia: “I’m just really ready for something different. So I applied for a management job here, and they said that I was overqualified.”

There was a time when Natalia would have been under qualified for a management position at Towers. Natalia once worked at Towers waiting tables, and she was fired from that position. Of course, when Towers was short handed on the December 30, 2008 episode, they called Natalia back to work for that one night. On that episode, Natalia had made plans to stay up and celebrate the New Year with Emma and Olivia. Natalia decided to take the double wages Towers offered her instead. Before she left for Towers, Olivia encouraged Natalia to relax and enjoy herself for one night, but Natalia refused, citing fears about a shortage of money. Olivia asked Natalia to have faith in herself, but Natalia went to work at Towers anyway. Ultimately, Natalia glanced around and saw the crowd enjoying what she should have been experiencing –  a New Year’s celebration with loved ones. She walked off the job and returned home to Olivia and Natalia. I think it’s probable Towers might not have forgiven her for that. This is also a likely reason why Towers turned Natalia down for the management position.

Natalia expressed her frustrations to Blake about her feelings and qualifications as a job candidate. I could already see the wheels turning in Blake’s brain even before she said “hmm…I’m hiring.” Blake offered Natalia an opportunity to work as her assistant in her publishing business.

Blake: “I’d be willing to give you a shot. A shot…a shot.” Blake points at the Vodka glass. “It’s meant to be.” Natalia: “Can I get you a shot?” Natalia slides the glass over to Blake. “Here.”

When I watched this particular scene, I spotted one of my favorite things with actors – realness beyond the acting and portrayal of characters. I have re-watched this scene a few times, and I really thought Jessica Leccia (Natalia) and Elizabeth Keifer (Blake) were having fun with each other in this scene. It felt genuine to me. For a few seconds, I wasn’t seeing the Natalia and Blake characters. I saw Leccia and Keifer just being genuinely friendly and funny with each other. I spotted a similar moment between Leccia and Crystal Chappell (Olivia) in the May 20, 2009 episode during their picnic scene. As I have indicated before, I love these moments. I always love spotting a bit of the realness between actors who respect and like each other.

While Natalia was buying and drinking shots with Blake, Olivia was knee deep in the Earth planting flowers for Emma’s service project. Watching this scene for the first time was startling. I had one thought: “I can’t believe Olivia Spencer is in the dirt…planting flowers!” Granted, Olivia has stated that she is the outdoors type (see the May 6, 2009 episode), but she has never came off as the gardening type. I would expect this type of activity from Natalia but not Olivia. I know Olivia is doing this service project for Emma, but instinct tells me, she would have not enjoyed “playing around in the dirt.” As Alan Spaulding once said, Olivia is accustomed to a different type of lifestyle – mansions and servants. Once again, I felt Olivia’s comfort in doing something like gardening is a testament to how Natalia has changed her.

Emma approached Olivia and expressed the difference in the size of her family (her and Olivia) with everyone else’s. Emma’s mood seemed a bit down because I felt she was missing other members of her family – Rafe and Natalia. Fortunately, Natalia showed up at the right moment to join them and lifted Emma’s mood in the process. I smiled at Emma’ enthusiastic response to Natalia’s presence. Emma and Natalia clearly adore each other, and that’s conveyed every time they see each other. Emma truly sees Natalia as another mother. On the other hand, Emma’s enthusiastic response also outlined the difference in Natalia’s current relationship with Rafe. Emma would give everything to live at the farmhouse and experience the loving home she had with Olivia and Natalia again. Rafe can’t even stand being around Natalia more than a few minutes on his birthday.

While Emma left them alone for a few moments, Natalia filled Olivia in on her unsuccessful job interview and unexpected job offer from Blake. Olivia had a similar response to Blake’s when she warned Natalia that Blake was a hard person to work for. Natalia’s smile spread across her face when she told Olivia Blake said something similar about Olivia. If Natalia can handle working for Olivia, she can handle working for Blake.

Later, Emma, Olivia, and Natalia were gathered around the park’s gazebo discussing their efforts. I noticed the exuberance Emma had when Natalia showed up remained strong. I realized that Emma’s mood is brighter when she is with Olivia and Natalia. Both women were able to give her a good, stable home, and Emma clearly basks in that when all three of them are together.

As Emma ran off again, Olivia and Natalia found themselves alone, sitting on the gazebo’s steps. Natalia’s gaze followed Emma and confided to Olivia what I’ve known since late 2008.

Natalia: “I love her. She just sees the joy in everything she does.” Olivia: “I think she gets that from you.”

Olivia and Phillip noted the radiance that comes from Emma. As Phillip expressed to Olivia in the June 2, 2009 episode, Emma didn’t inherit her sweetness from either one of them. Phillip knew, just like Olivia, that Natalia had a good effect on Emma.

Natalia: “No, you’re her mother.” Olivia: “I’m not that person.” Natalia: “What person?” Olivia: “The person who sees the good in everything she does.”

Olivia should take some credit in Emma’s development for herself as well. I have watched Olivia interact with Emma for months, and she has been nothing short of a loving, considerate mother. She may not be nurturing in the sweet and gentle way Natalia is; however, Olivia does have her own nurturing qualities, which are evident in her interactions with Emma. Olivia is affectionate, funny, stern (in a loving, motherly way), and sensitive with Emma. She worries about being a good mother to Emma, and she goes into serious “mama bear” mode when someone (i.e. Spauldings) messes with her child. I believe Olivia’s interactions with Emma are driven by love but also old demons. As Olivia has stated before, Emma was the one thing (aside from loving Natalia) that she did right. She doesn’t want to let Emma down, and from where I’m standing, Olivia is doing an amazing job as a mother. Yes, I do believe Natalia has inspired Olivia to be a great mom, but she is doing much of it on her own.

Olivia: “I’m usually waiting for the other brick to fly at me…and hit my head.”

Natalia’s response to Olivia’s statement made me laugh aloud the first time I watched this scene. She made Olivia jump out of her skin by yelling “look out!” and grabbing her shoulder as if to say, “watch out for the brick.” This scene reminded me Agnes Nixon’s formula to successful soaps: “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em wait.” Having Natalia scare Olivia like that definitely made me laugh, and I found their interaction in this scene heartwarming. It is nice to see Natalia and Olivia joking around with each other in a lighthearted manner. After enduring “Rafertudes” and “Frankenclipses” from Rafe, they both needed this moment.

Olivia jokingly yet lovingly admonished Natalia for scaring her, and Natalia apologized by explaining she hadn’t had an opportunity to laugh that day. Olivia immediately understood and told Natalia that she didn’t want it to be her last opportunity to laugh. Like Olivia, I don’t like to see Natalia in a melancholy mood, and if anyone can make Natalia laugh, it’s Olivia and Emma.

After finishing their gardening work at the park, Natalia called Rafe and left him a voicemail message while sitting on the gazebo bench. Rafe was still avoiding her calls, and Natalia expressed to Olivia that she doesn’t know what else she can do. Olivia conveyed the same sentiment. Rafe still needs time, and despite Natalia’s attempts to resolve things, he just isn’t ready. As Olivia and Natalia discussed Rafe, I noticed that he managed to bring on a partial “Frankenclipse” without being in their scenes. Natalia’s happier mood dampened again over the distance with Rafe. She posed a question to Olivia and asked if she would ever make things okay for her and for Rafe. As Natalia explained, she always tried to correspond her happiness with Rafe’s, but she may not be able to do so this time. Olivia answered Natalia honestly by saying that she was unsure.

Later, Natalia made another attempt to call Rafe and reached his voice mail again. When Olivia approached her, Natalia apologized for keeping their relationship in a holding pattern. Natalia reiterated that she wanted to fix her relationship with Rafe, even though he’s not ready to fix things with her. Olivia once again told Natalia that she didn’t mind waiting; however, her understanding response seemed to make Natalia switch gears and realize something. She did mind waiting and finally gave Olivia the green light signal to progress their relationship. As Natalia finally expressed her frustration in waiting, I watched Olivia’s expression closely. She focused that infamous smoldering gaze on Natalia, and I could feel the happiness and pride radiating from Olivia during this scene. Olivia has been ready for the world to know that they’re a couple and that she is in love with a wonderful person. I believe some of the things Olivia has said to Natalia – regarding Rafe being an adult and the secrecy of their relationship – finally registered. As Natalia’s continued to vent towards a crescendo, they declared, “I don’t wanna wait” at the same time. Olivia spoke for them both when she caressed Natalia’s cheek and told her they aren’t waiting for anything.

On the June 26 episode, Olivia dropped by the farmhouse to visit Natalia. As she reached out to hug Natalia, Olivia’s comment of “you forgot to lock the front door again” made me smile. There is an inside joke here among Otalia fans with this line. Many fans grew frustrated that Olivia and Natalia were interrupted during important conversations. Most of these interruptions occurred at the farmhouse where someone (namely Frank) would walk inside, sometimes without knocking. As a result, many Otalia fans encouraged the usage of locks on the farmhouse doors. Part of me wondered if Crystal Chappell ad-libbed this line as an acknowledgement to the fans. I’d like to believe that she did, but regardless, I got the message and its intent.

As they greeted each other with smiles, Olivia asked Natalia if she was excited about her first day at her new job. Natalia expressed some slight nervousness about walking into the unknown world of publishing; however, Olivia offered her reassurance. Olivia reminded Natalia that she didn’t know about the hotel business but learned it from the ground up. In return, Natalia sprinkled words of flattery towards Olivia by telling her she had a wonderful teacher. Olivia replied to Natalia’s flattery by saying “that’s true, I am wonderful.” Yes, I do agree, Olivia; you are wonderful.

During this exchange, I noticed that Natalia and Olivia were unable to control their affectionate touches and gazes towards each other. For the most part, Olivia was the one initiating the contact, which is unsurprising. As I have explained in prior posts, Olivia is the most physically expressive of the pair. To reiterate, she shows her love through actions. Nevertheless, Olivia and Natalia both expressed their love verbally in another way – by saying “I choose you.”

When Natalia asked about Olivia’s plans for today, Olivia revealed that she was going to tell Emma about their relationship. Natalia asked if Olivia felt Emma was ready for this conversation. Olivia expressed optimism about how Emma would handle the news. Granted, Emma is a child and doesn’t understand some things like Rafe would. Nevertheless, I believe Emma would adjust to the concept of Olivia and Natalia as a couple. Would she have questions? She should have plenty; however, Emma wouldn’t experience a full blown freak out like Rafe. As Olivia explained her strategy for telling Emma, Natalia made the natural assumption that she would be involved. After all, they agreed to tell Emma and Rafe together on the May 28, 2009 episode. Olivia explained that she wanted to tell Emma first. I believe Olivia’s decision has everything to do with how Rafe reacted. Natalia was understanding of Olivia’s choice and ultimately agreed with her decision. Before saying goodbye and starting their days, they grasped hands and wished each other luck.

Later at the Beacon, Olivia was pacing in her suite and giving herself a pep talk about her pending discussion with Emma. The summer camp counselor brought Emma home shortly afterwards. Olivia seemed optimistic and confident when she greeted Emma, but she immediately picked up that something was wrong. The counselor explained an incident where Emma felt excluded from a group of friends. Apparently, Emma and a few friends agreed to wear pink shirts and Emma forgot. She felt different because of it and like an outsider. I watched Olivia’s face while she listened to the counselor, and I had a feeling she was going to change her mind. When Olivia sat down to talk with Emma, she still had plans to tell her about Natalia. Olivia started off well enough by saying that there was nothing wrong in being different. Yet, Emma’s reply that she didn’t want to be different derailed everything. Olivia changed her mind in an instant, and I felt she was probably reflecting over how people have treated her in the past. In the end, Olivia decided to postpone their discussion.

At Towers, Blake was introducing Natalia to the wonderful world of publishing. Natalia started off her new job well by giving Blake an idea to promote one of her authors. As Blake gave Natalia her kudos, she told her that Olivia was a fool to let her go. Blake gave her a speculative look before asking the reason behind Natalia’s departure as Olivia’s assistant. Natalia’s explanation started out as I’m sure she planned, but she made a slip of the tongue by saying she and Olivia needed time apart. Blake noticed the interesting phrasing of Natalia’s words and questioned her further. Natalia realized how her words sounded and tried to change the subject. Nonetheless, Blake had picked up the scent and followed the trail, refusing to let it go. Natalia increasingly grew uncomfortable based on her body language and her facial expressions. I could tell she was hoping against hope that Blake would drop the subject and not follow the accidental breadcrumbs she’d left. Alas, it was too late because Blake had started putting the pieces together. She brought up the rumors about Olivia and Natalia and mentioned how she’d run into them at the spa. Blake finally made the connections and realized the truth – Olivia and Natalia are a couple. Based on Natalia’s expression, I felt like she wished she could rewind their conversation and fix her slip of the tongue. Nevertheless, Natalia was unaware that her facial expressions helped give it away, not just her words. I watched her face very carefully during these scenes, and it was obvious Blake had been doing the same as she figured things out. Natalia was unsure how Blake would react, which is why she asked if Blake wanted her job offer back. I think she was remembering Alan Spaulding and Doris Wolfe’s reactions to Emma’s My Two Mommies presentation in late January and February 2009 episodes. Instead, Blake looked surprised that Natalia would suggest such a thing. She offered to throw Natalia and Olivia a luncheon, and Natalia seemed caught off guard by the support. At this moment, I think she was having flashbacks of how Rafe reacted and didn’t expect Blake to be so open minded. When Natalia asked why Blake wasn’t upset, I thought Blake’s response was unexpected yet funny. Blake made a joke that she was a little upset that Natalia chose Olivia over her, which resulted in a small yet hesitant smile from Natalia. Blake’s encouraging words on finding the rarity of true love reminded me of her conversation with Olivia. When I watched these scenes between Blake and Natalia, I wasn’t surprised by Blake’s easy acceptance. Based on her interactions with Olivia, I felt that Blake would be open to love in any form. I could tell how much Blake continued to long for Ross, her deceased husband. She knew that true love is rare and expressed as much to Natalia. Blake told Natalia that she could trust her with their secret. Naturally, Natalia looked rather dubious considering Blake isn’t one for keeping secrets. Blake clearly read the doubt on Natalia face like I did and addressed it in a straight-forward manner. She reassured Natalia that she could be trusted and be a really good friend. I felt Blake’s words were heartfelt and that she really did want to be a good friend to Natalia (and Olivia).

After ending her workday, Natalia went to Company and met up with Olivia. Olivia asked how her first day at the new job went, but Natalia didn’t answer the question. Instead, she told Olivia that Blake knew about their relationship. I watched Olivia’s smile evaporate, and her face took on an apprehensive expression at the news. Natalia tried to assure Olivia that Blake could be trusted, but Olivia was doubtful herself. Natalia expressed that it shouldn’t matter because she was under the assumption that Olivia had her talk with Emma. Of course, Olivia put off the discussion and confessed to Natalia that she “chickened out.”

Olivia and Natalia discussed how they would counteract Springfield’s gossip. They both wanted to avoid having Emma find out about them the way Rafe did. Olivia told Natalia that they have to figure out how to be together without constantly explaining themselves to others. At this point, I knew exactly where Olivia was going when I watched this scene the first time. Although I touched on it briefly, Blake wanted to throw Olivia and Natalia a luncheon. What I didn’t discuss was that Blake felt a luncheon was the perfect way to come out as a couple and address it once. Olivia had the same idea as Blake but suggested a different venue and format – the infamous Bauer BBQ for the July 4^th celebration. Natalia didn’t require any convincing, and she easily agreed to Olivia’s suggestion, which would be their first “official” date. (Note: As far as I’m concerned, Olivia and Natalia’s first date occurred on the April 24, 2009 episode but I digress.) Natalia and Olivia agreed to go back to their original decision (on the May 28 episode) and tell Emma together. As they confirmed their plans and smiled at each other, I spotted signs of a “Frankenclipse” ahead.

After complaining about the burning smell coming from the stove at Company, Natalia rose from the table and excused herself. While Olivia was ordering cake and ice cream to celebrate, Natalia had a sickened expression on her face as she stared in the restroom mirror. As she stood over the sink, Natalia dabbled some water against her face, and I knew exactly what had transpired. She had spent some time hugging the porcelain throne. There are a number of logical explanations for Natalia’s sickness.

• Maybe she has food poisoning.
• Maybe she had one too many snickerdoodles during “happy fun times cookie day” with Olivia and Emma.
• Maybe she has the swine flu.
• Maybe she is pregnant with Frank’s baby.

I don’t like to speculate too much beyond what I see in the current week’s episodes, but in this instance, I am going to do just that.

Note: As many of you are aware, I don’t read spoilers. I have to maintain a pure experience when watching Otalia every week. However, I was exposed accidentally to a specific spoiler that I’m about to discuss. I am breaking my Otalia writing method in this instance, but since I am aware of this spoiler, I have to talk about it.

*begin spoiler alert*

As of July 1 (the date I finished this post), I have not seen any of the Guiding Light episodes for the week of June 29. This is very unusual because I watch the show every day, but I have been working on this Otalia post among other writing projects for the past few days. There just hasn’t been enough hours in the day to watch the show yet. As a result, I have no idea what’s been occurring the week of June 29 on Guiding Light. However, I am aware that Natalia is very much impregnated with Frank’s baby.

To reiterate, I was exposed accidentally to the spoiler concerning Natalia. I didn’t seek it out believe me. After I found out, I sighed long and heavily because this pregnancy angle is a jump the shark moment. I have been on board with everything the Guiding Light has done in writing the Otalia story, but this jarring news was unsettling. Since I discovered the spoiler, I have been trying very hard not to sink into negativity. I have been trying very hard to keep the faith. I have been trying very hard to follow the end of this rainbow towards what I hope is the pot of gold – an Otalia end game. I really want to believe Natalia just has swine flu like I suggested. I really want to believe this pregnancy angle is not as it appears. Based on that one spoiler, all I know at this moment is that Natalia thinks she is pregnant.

I realize the writers have to write Jessica Leccia (Natalia) off the show for her month-long maternity leave. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst would come up with a pregnancy angle. It is what it is, and I have had time to allow the news to sink in. I do not want to say anything further on how I feel about the pregnancy angle until I see how it plays out. Like I said, I am trying very hard to keep the faith. I will wait and see. That’s all I can do at this point.

*end spoiler alert*

Special Announcement

If you missed my blog post on Crystal Chappell’s departure to Days of Our Lives and the state of soap operas, be sure to check out this link. I get real and I get honest, especially on the current state of daytime drama.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

Author’s Note: When I watch movies, I usually send out a tweet review on Twitter after the film. I have wanted to follow up my tweet reviews with an actual movie review on my site, but due to other writing projects, my time is limited. However, after my tweet review for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (aka Transformers 2), I decided to make the time. I felt like my tweets weren’t enough because I wanted to expand on some things about the movie. Additionally, I also realize that not all of my readers follow me or use Twitter. I wanted to share my thoughts and impressions of the film for everyone. Considering everything, I will say this will not be your typical movie review by any means. I am going to be experimental by incorporating my tweet review with an expanded movie review. I will also clearly indicate the beginning and ending of movie spoilers as best as I can. Finally, other than cleaning up typos, and formatting the things I said on Twitter (because there are no italics/bold and editing options), my tweet quotes shall remain as I originally tweeted them (on June 24, 2009). Thanks.

Two years ago, Michael Bay’s Transformers hit theaters. I remember being very excited for the live action adaption of the cartoon and successful toy line. I grew up as a child of the 80s, and I was a faithful Transformers cartoon watcher. I was such a fan that I begged my parents to take me to the movies to see the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film. So when the live action version hit theaters in 2007, I knew I would be viewing the film. Even though my movie tastes were shifting in 2007, I really enjoyed Transformers a great deal and looked forward to the sequel.

Fast-forwarding to present day, I wasn’t anticipating Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as much as I did the first film. I am definitely a different movie watcher than I was in 2007, and my enjoyment level for summer popcorn movies has waned. Nonetheless, I was committed to watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen because I still have that childhood love for the cartoon. Additionally, I really liked the first live action film. I decided to watch the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Wednesday, June 24 right after work.

Note: The following quoted references for the remainder of this movie review come from my tweet review, which I will expand upon in my film review for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

“So I had low expectations for Transformers 2 based on all the bad buzz, and I was going in expecting a D movie at best. I didn’t get that.”

I started hearing bad buzz about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as soon as I woke up on June 24, 2009. The critics’ reviews were coming in from midnight screenings. Sometimes reviews determine if I will watch a film, but most of the time, reviews have no factor in my watching a film. I expected some critics to be harsh on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, so I didn’t necessarily lower my expectations. I’ve seen other movies that critics panned and I loved it. Therefore, I was still planning to watch it for myself. However, that all changed as I went to work and started seeing a flood of tweets on Twitter from regular moviegoers and Twitterers I trust.

The buzz surrounding Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was overwhelmingly bad. I knew then that my expectations for a C movie (at best) were optimistic. As the day wore on, I kept hearing and reading about the bad buzz. I lowered my expectations more and hoped for a D movie at best.

As I lined up to buy my ticket for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I noted an interesting conversation at the box office. A couple in front of me was deciding between watching The Proposal or Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. They asked the box office attendant how she felt about both movies. I tweaked my ears when she discussed Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. She asked the couple if they’d seen and enjoyed the first Transformers film, which the couple liked. The box office attendant then told the couple they would like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. My brain was screaming, “Are you sure about that?” when I heard those words. Yes, I knew I hadn’t seen the movie yet, but I was going with my gut instincts (and remembering the buzz from regular movie watchers) when that thought popped into my head. The box office attendant could have been telling the truth; however, I also realize she’s there to sell tickets, so a little white lie won’t hurt (if she truly didn’t like it). The couple decided to go with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

After I was sitting in the theater (middle seat, middle of the theater), I observed the type of crowd coming to view Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. As I anticipated, the males outnumbered the females by far. Parents brought their kids as young as age five (give or take). The audience was a mostly Generation X and Generation Y audience from what I observed. I didn’t see many teenagers, but since I went to a 6:30 p.m. showing, I didn’t necessarily expect that. People seemed excited for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen based on the discussion going on around me.

Once the endless round of commercials and trailers ended, I breathed deeply and prepared myself for what was sure to be an interesting movie experience. Unfortunately, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen gave me a different meaning for “interesting” within 20 minutes.

“What I got with Transformers 2 was another epic bullshit film fail of a movie! Oh my God! This movie was frakin terrible! I didn’t expect an epic story by any means, but I expected some semblance of a story in Transformers 2. This film was thrown together.”

I knew this film was not going to be good early into the movie, but I didn’t expect it to be as bad as it turned out. As I watched the film, I realized that the story was pretty much non-existent. I know a Michael Bay film involves action taking precedence over story; however, the first Transformers made an attempt at a story that I could follow and liked. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t, and it definitely showed. I realized early on that this film was going to be “action porn” to the extreme; you wait for the action sequences and fast-forward through everything else. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a fast-forward button on hand.

“I swear. I truly believe the scriptwriters sat down and watched every successful sci-fi film made to make Transformer 2. I saw elements of Aliens, The Matrix, The Empire Strikes Back, Terminator, and even frakin Battlestar Galactica in Transformers 2. What the f*ck was that all about? It’s like the scriptwriters for Transformers 2 said, ‘Hey, let’s just throw in all this cool shit from these films and make a movie.’”

I sighed heavily when I noticed the references to other sci-fi properties in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. My mind was going a 100 miles per hour as I started identifying those references, and I actually got annoyed that the scriptwriters were so lazy. I heard unconfirmed rumors that the script for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was rushed to completion before the writer’s strike. If that’s true, it definitely showed.

*Begin spoiler alert*

Aliens Reference in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

The Fallen, which apparently visited Earth in 17,000 BC with the original Transformers, magically appeared without any explanation or introduction. I noticed that The Fallen also came in the similar, physical form of the Alien Queen in the Aliens films. When the Fallen makes his appearance on the Decepticon base (somewhere in the Milky Way presumably), I immediately noticed the glaring similarities with the Alien Queen in the look and feel. My mind was screaming, “Oh come on!” It was a blatant rip off in my mind.

The Matrix & Aliens References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

In the scenes where The Fallen makes his appearance, I noticed the egg-shaped looking objects on the Decepticon base. I noticed both Aliens and The Matrix references with the eggs. For those who have never seen the Aliens franchise, baby aliens hatch from egg-like pods before facehugging humans. This was very fitting considering The Fallen looked like the Alien Queen. Apparently, the Decepticons were trying to grow new Transformers from these eggs, but they were unsuccessful in their efforts.

The Matrix references were also present with the egg-shaped objects. The scene where Morpheus reveals to Neo that humans are grown in fields come to mind. Another scene, of course, is where Neo is “flushed” from the field of human pods and retrieved by Morpheus and his crew. The pods where humans were grown were red. The pods where the Decepticons were growing robots were blue. Otherwise, they were extremely similar.

The Empire Strikes Back References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

After Megatron was resurrected from the bottom of the ocean, he returned to the Decepticon base to meet up with The Fallen. There was a scene where The Fallen referred to Megatron as his “apprentice,” and I rolled my eyes in disbelief. I couldn’t believe the scriptwriters ripped off from one of the most epic sci-fi films of all time, The Empire Strikes Back. As nearly everyone is aware, the Emperor refers to Darth Vader as his apprentice. When I watched the interaction with Megatron and The Fallen, it was glaringly obvious. The Fallen was sitting on his throne – that definitely gave me more Aliens references – while talking with Megatron during these scenes. All they needed was a Death Star to make the Empire Strikes Back reference complete.

Terminator & Battlestar Galactica References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Note: While I’m aware there is a Pretender toy line now, I’m basing my thoughts on the Pretender character on my memories.

Based on my research, a Pretender has the ability to cover their robotic shell with organic tissue. In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the Pretender looked like a human in every way. The Pretender was a supposed new “love interest” for Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), which I never bought for a second. As I watched the movie, I started getting a vibe that the Pretender was a Decepticon in human form. At the time, I knew nothing about the Pretender or that it existed, but I was going on my instincts while watching the film. I sighed heavily again when I watched a Decepticon Pretender transition from Terminator mode and Cylon mode within minutes.

The actress portraying the Pretender was attempting to channel Cameron (Summer Glau) from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles but barely gave me the T-X (Kristanna Loken) from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. She had that Terminator cold stare on her face for a few moments and was walking the walk of a Terminator, too. At this point, I sunk down in my theater chair, but it was about to get a lot worse. Why? I realized that there were definitely some Battlestar Galactica Cylon references there, too.

The Pretender was in the form of a beautiful young woman Sam’s age, and her goal was to get next to him in the film. When she started coming on to him, I saw a metal tale sneak out from beneath her dress. The Cylon alarms started going off in my head at this point, and I sunk even lower in my theater chair and groaned silently. At this point, all the Pretender needed was a glowing red spine to make the transformation to Cylon complete.

When this scene played out, I had one of my many “What the f*ck?” moments with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Why add a Pretender to this film? Seriously. Why? Since the Decepticons have the ability to make Pretenders in human form, wouldn’t this be a better disguise than cars, planes, and other objects? Additionally, Starscream discussed their failures at trying to hatch new Decepticons, so where did this Pretender come from? I assume it existed after the Transformers left Cybertron.

I discovered that the Pretender toy line existed after I watched the movie, but I still felt adding this element to the film made no sense. It was confusing to me as a fan of the cartoon series (never owned the toys), so I wondered if it was more confusing to viewers who aren’t longtime fans. It definitely made me think of Terminators and Cylons. Adding the Pretender was a bad choice considering the horribly bad Terminator Salvation came out right before this film.

*End spoiler alert*

Overall, these elements from other sci-fi properties made me feel like there was no originality in preparing the script and conceptual production design/art. I know films borrow from the best, but in the case of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, it came off as just plain laziness and completely unoriginal.

“Character development: non-existent and that goes for the humans and the Autobots and Decepticons. Why the f*ck are you going to introduce new Autobots and never them speak? I don’t know who the frak they are, so why put them in the movie?”

There was no progression of character development for Sam, Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox), Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, or any of the other characters introduced in Transformers. I felt like the Mikeaela character suffered the most because she was just there to look good (more on that later).

The newcomers to the Autobot clan involved the addition of Arcee, Sideswipe, and Jolt. I vaguely remember Sideswipe, and I had to look it up online to remember this Autobot from my childhood. From what I recall, these Autobots never spoke in the film. I saw them on my screen fighting alongside the others, but I mostly forgot they were in the film until they the camera pointed them out as Autobots. I felt there was no point to them being in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and they could have been left out of the movie. Other than to show visually, “we’ve got more Autobots to fight Decepticons,” their presence was largely ignored.

“Oh and the racist undertones I heard about in Transformers 2, they were definitely there. Two Jar Jar Binx characters for sure. Those two minstrel robots served no purpose. They did not advance the ‘plot’ and did not need to be in Transformers 2…at all.”

The loudest of the negative buzz about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen concerned the racist undertones with the Skids and Mudflap robots, which fought with the Autobots (but weren’t really one of them). Mentally, I was prepared for it, and I’m glad I was when they appeared on my screen for the first time.

Supposedly, Michael Bay was going for comic relief by adding these two characters. Well, he failed on execution. To say that Bay utilized negative stereotypes of African-American males is a huge understatement. Allow me to point them out.

The Use of Ebonics

Unlike any of the Decepticons and Autobots, Skids and Mudflap are the only robots who used ebonics (aka a lot of street slang), which is commonly attributed to some African-Americans who live in certain areas. It was glaringly obvious that Bay wanted these characters to stand out and they did. Granted, Skids and Mudflap weren’t the only robots to curse and say sexually suggestive things. They just provided the overwhelming majority of it.

Michael Bay…it’s 2009! I get that many people attribute their images of African-Americans based on hip-hop culture and one-sided TV images, but come on! We have an African-American president, and President Obama doesn’t speak that way. All African-Americans do not utilize ebonics or drop foul/sexually suggestive language in nearly every sentence. Bay’s usage of this linguistic stereotype is equivalent to saying that all Latinos or Asians speak with an accent or in a certain way.

The Gold Tooth

If Skids had a mouthful of bling in the form of grillz, it would have at least looked less racist…though not by much. There are some Caucasians, Latinos, etc. who have grillz on their teeth – I live in the South – and that this isn’t just a trend with African-Americans. However, Bay decided to go with one gold tooth for Skids. This is once again an old stereotype of African-Americans, and it was extremely unnecessary. I have no idea why Skids had a gold tooth. None of the other robots had one, so why is it necessary for him to have it? I found Bay’s usage of the single gold tooth very telling.

Disinterest in Reading & Illiteracy

Bay’s use of the “we don’t read” stereotype deeply disturbed me in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I found it entirely implausible that an Autobot is not educated, much less don’t read much or at all. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do recall Optimus Prime saying they learned Earth’s language through the usage of the Internet in Transformers. To use the Internet, you have to be able to read. In order for Skids and Mudflap to speak “human,” they would have had to read the language online, right? They can’t learn everything through YouTube or other web videos. I would think they have to read to know what they’re looking at. So if they can’t read, how can they speak “human” language? Unless the Autobots are jacking into the Internet Matrix style, I don’t get this at all. When I heard Skids (or either Mudflap) admit they don’t read, I just shook my head in sadness and anger. Aside from the plot hole from the first film, how can you justify an advanced life form who doesn’t even read? It was just plain sad and a turn off for me. I couldn’t believe how deep Bay went into the negative stereotypes of African-Americans, but unfortunately, there’s more.

Behavior & Appearance

Skids and Mudflap’s behavior in the film was pretty much “comical” the entire time. When they weren’t attempting to be “comical,” Skids and Mudflap argued and got into fights with each other. It came off as if they had an inability to be serious unless they were fighting with the Autobots. This is another stereotype of African-Americans in that they are more interested in joking around and arguing/fighting than being serious.

As for their appearances, Skids and Mudflap looked like apes. There’s no getting around that because they did. I noticed they were the only robots who looked like apes when they were in robot form. Of course, apes or monkeys are another very negative and racist image of African-Americans. This image disturbed me the most when I saw them for the first time because I recognized the blatant racism. I couldn’t believe Bay stooped to this level, and it deeply disappointed and angered me. Once again, this is 2009, and I’m seeing minstrel figures on the theater screen…in 2009.

I don’t like to see any ethnic group stereotyped or referred to in a racist manner. I know it happens in films/TV no matter what I want, but I haven’t seen such a negative and blatant stereotype and image of racism in a while. The portrayal of Skids and Mudflap in this film should be a slap in the face to everyone. These characters are modern day minstrels, and Bay’s defense that they were added for comical relief is total and complete bullshit. I’m sorry but it is. Skids and Mudflap are racist representations of African-Americans that had to be purposeful. How can it not be? There were too many stereotypical and racist elements for it not to be purposeful. I’m sorry, but Bay’s “good clean fun” comment regarding Skids and Mudflap is the weakest thing I’ve ever heard. As far as I’m concerned, Skids and Mudflap are far worse than Jar Jar Binx.

As the film wore on, I could barely watch those two without growing angrier. These characters served no purpose other than enforcing racist and stereotypical images. They absolutely did not need to be in the film. Bay already had introduced other Autobots that weren’t speaking. Why not use those Autobots and leave Skids and Mudflap completely out of the movie? I found it very ironic that Arcee, Sideswipe, and Jolt didn’t speak, but Skids and Mudflap had a lot to say – using slang of course.

Unfortunately, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t limit racist, minstrel characters to robots. There is an African-American human character with over-exaggerated buckteeth. While this human character is limited to a few seconds of screen time, but the damage was done. It was too late. I knew exactly what was going on here. This human character was nothing more than another minstrel reference to the minstrel non-Autobots, Skids and Mudflap. He served no purpose to the “plot” other than to provide that reinforcement.

With all of these stereotype and racist images, I wonder why no one at DreamWorks said these simple words: “This is wrong. What we are doing is wrong and offensive. We should not put these representations in the film.” Someone should have stepped in and demanded cuts and/or reworks. There is no way this minstrel mess should have made it to the theatrical release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m looking all the way to the top at Steven Spielberg, too.

“Shia LaBeouf…I’m sick and frakin tired of his fast talking shtick now. I do not want to see him do the same type of role anymore.”

My youngest brother noticed a pattern in the roles Shia LaBeouf takes long before I did. Essentially, LaBeouf is playing the same type of character repeatedly – I Robot, Disturbia, Transformers, and Constantine for example. LaBeouf is good with the fast talking shtick, and I have enjoyed it in the past before it recently started to grow old. With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I realized that I have had enough of these roles with him. I definitely do not want to see it anymore. It makes him look like a one-dimensional actor, and he’s gone down a path of typecasting doing this fast-talking, geeky, awkward kid shtick. As I watched the movie, I found myself shaking my head several times during his scenes. I realized that I reached my breaking point with his patented shtick. I’m done with it.

Aside from his tired shtick, I want to take a moment to mention LaBeouf’s interesting acting style. When the character of Sam started seeing symbols in his head, LaBeouf had an interesting way of portraying this. It was a cross between an epileptic seizure and some yet to be identified mental condition with the way his eyes danced up and down in his sockets. When I watched him do this several times throughout the film, I realized he made himself look bad as an actor…really bad. Those scenes weren’t the only thing that made him look bad, but it was the most obvious.

“Megan Fox…if her only purpose in Transformers 2 was to look hot in every scene, then she succeeded. Good job, Megan. Good job.”

I remember watching Megan Fox on the cancelled ABC show, Hope & Faith. I remember her doing a competent job on the series, but nothing about her acting that stood out. The same could be said in Transformers; however, I actually felt she was better in Hope & Faith. In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, it seemed like her acting was reduced to looking hot and saying very little.

Can Megan Fox pull off looking hot? Of course. Can Megan Fox pull of sexy wearing skimpy outfits? Yes. Can Megan Fox pose like a Playboy cover girl on a motorcycle? Definitely. Can Megan Fox act? You can’t tell from looking at her performance in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Bay reduced her to nothing more than the “hot, sexy chick” in every single scene. The camera loved her body and face, and she definitely looked good in the film. However, every shot reminded me that Megan Fox was just there for sex appeal. It would have been nice to for her to have something to do other than look hot but whatever.

“I figured out every significant ‘plot’ moment along the way in Transformers 2. I guessed what would happen, and I was right every time. “

I wasn’t surprised by a single significant “plot” moment in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Again, I didn’t expect a smart action film that makes me think along the way, but it would have been nice not to guess the plot with alarming accuracy before it happened. It would have also been nice for the film to provide significant, climatic moments that were believable. There were many plot moments that I saw coming, but for the purpose of this review, I will cover the major events.

Note: Before I continue, I want to state that I avoided Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailers. I have a growing habit of avoiding trailers because I often guess (correctly) the ending of films from the footage. Considering that, I might have seen a teaser trailer for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen less than five times, and I probably saw a full trailer once or twice. I knew nothing about the plot other than what I saw in the teaser trailers and one version of the full trailer.

*Begin spoiler alert*

The Optimus Prime Plot Moment

When Optimus Prime was fighting the Decepticons in the very awesome forest scene, I started to wonder if he would die. I wondered this based on things Optimus Prime had said earlier (about Sam being more important than he realized) among dialog spoken by the characters. I also was wondering if Bay would resurrect the “Optimus Prime dies” scene from the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film. As I correctly guessed, I was right because Optimus Prime “died” during the fight scene in the forest. The minute he fell “dead” to the ground, I rolled my eyes because of course he wasn’t dead. How can Optimus Prime be dead? Bay has another Transformers film to plan, so Optimus Prime will live! How would he live? As I correctly guessed, he would live again through the object the Decepticons had been seeking – a device oddly called The Matrix of Leadership. After the movie, I realize that the Matrix of Leadership existed long before The Matrix films; however, during the film, my mind experienced another Matrix movie reference.

For the fans that saw the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film, this scene might have been a throwback to Optimus Prime’s death. I believe its intent was to make true fans have an emotional response and remember the cartoon film. I was a fan who saw the cartoon film, but there is a difference. Optimus Prime’s death in the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film was very unexpected. No one could have seen that coming, so it generated genuine surprise…at least it did for me as a kid. Optimus Prime’s death in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen generated nothing but a sigh of disbelief from me. I felt nothing because I knew he wasn’t dead. It occurred too early in the film. Additionally, with the (lack of) plot provided, I just felt like there was no build up to this death scene to make me believe it. Again, there was another Transformers film to plan, so Optimus Prime would generate diesel fumes again.

The Symbols Plot Moment

Since the Decepticons were already after Sam’s knowledge of the symbols, I figured this would tie into Optimus Prime in some way. I noticed this, once again, when Optimus Prime stated that Sam was more important than he realized. I was making all of the connections to that statement. After Sam started seeing the symbols in his head, I had a feeling his knowledge would involve bringing Optimus Prime back to life once he “died.” Of course, I was 100% correct in my guess.

As for the origin of the symbols, I also figured that it would involve ancient human civilization in some form. While the symbols Sam saw in his head were imbedded in other areas of the world, Bay took the viewers to a very predictable and overused ancient civilization. The most popular ancient human civilization, of course, is ancient Egypt and the Pyramids of Giza. I sighed again when I got the Aliens reference again, but this time, I received it in the form of the not so good, Alien vs. Predator film. In Alien vs. Predator, the pyramid reference was used in that film. Specifically, the Predator had a hidden pyramid Antarctica. For me, it was another, unwanted movie reference to Aliens, and I was getting tired of it at this point of the film.

While I watched the symbols plot unfold, I also realized something very familiar. As Sam and his group of cohorts searched for The Matrix of Leadership, I spotted the ruins of Petra. I realized that this was the setting used in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade. This reference gave me several more unwanted movie links. The links that started connecting while I watched the film included the following:

• George Lucas is the creator behind the Star Wars franchise, which Michael Bay borrowed from in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
• George Lucas served as executive producer on the Indiana Jones franchise, which Stephen Spielberg directed.
• Stephen Spielberg’s DreamWorks studio developed Disturbia and Eagle Eye, which both featured Shia LaBeouf in a starring role.
• Stephen Spielberg produced Transformers, which of course was directed by Michael Bay and starred Shia LaBeouf. DreamWorks also developed the film.
• Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas reunited for Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which featured Shia LaBeouf.
• Stephen Spielberg produced Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which again featured Michael Bay as director and starred Shia LaBeouf. Like the first film, DreamWorks also developed this film.

Considering all of the movie linkage I outlined, I suppose I wasn’t surprised that there was another famous film franchise reference in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. When I had this revelation, it temporarily took me mentally out of the film. Suddenly, the Empire Strikes Back and Indiana Jones movie reference started to make a little more sense in a weird way. Ultimately, I just didn’t need another big movie franchise reminder in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was the last and final straw for me.

The Matrix of Leadership Plot Moment

Once Sam got his hands on The Matrix of Leadership, it turned to dust in his hands. As soon as I saw that, I knew Sam was the key to restoring The Matrix of Leadership, thus restoring Optimus Prime back to life. He didn’t see those symbols in his head without a reason. To reiterate, I was also remembering Optimus Prime’s words that Sam was important, which was foreshadowing dialog for the film. Well, this was Sam’s defining moment in the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. He became the “Transformer God” who could restore life to Optimus Prime.

*End spoiler alert*

“I had many what the f*ck moments watching the illogical mess that was thrown together for a script for Transformers 2. It was epic bullshit film fail.”

As I stated earlier, I didn’t expect a great story, but I expected a good story with some sort of logic. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had several illogical moments where things were unexplained or made no sense. I’ll briefly describe some of those moments among the several.

Illogical Film Moment #1

Why show the Decepticon base once and only once in the film? Despite the fact that it ripped off Aliens and The Matrix in its look, it did look cool. I wanted to see and know more about it. I wanted to know how it got there. I wanted to know what else the Decepticons were up to on their base. A line or two in the dialog could have helped explain some of that for me.

Illogical Film Moment #2

As a kid, I always remember Megatron being the leader of the Decepticons – no questions asked. When The Fallen appeared in the film, Megatron looked at him as his master. The first Transformers film firmly established that Megatron was leader of the Decepticons. It gave an impression that no one was greater than he was. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t bother to explain why Megatron was in the role of Starscream (as second in command) and The Fallen was in the role of Megatron (as the leader). Not everyone is that deep into Transformers fandom, and the scriptwriters could have explained this a little. Even I didn’t know why they were acting this way. I had to go home and look up Transformers history online to understand their behavior.

Illogical Film Moment #3

Soundwave apparently had an “upgrade” from a small boom box in Transformers into some Matrix like-Sentinel creature in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It took me a while to figure out that I was seeing Soundwave when he was in the film because the story provided no explanation for his upgrade.

“Okay, so there was some good in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The effects looked stunning, but I expected that from Industrial Light & Magic. The explosions looked good. The robot fight scenes (especially the forest one) in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen were good. Other than effects and fight scenes, there is nothing else good about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Honestly, I was frakin bored through a lot of it.”

The special effects in the film were the star of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I didn’t experience the awe I felt when I saw an Autobot transform for the first time in Transformers, but I was still impressed. Everything looked extremely good in terms of the transformations and other special effects. However, as I said in tweet review, I expected nothing but stellar effects from Industrial Light & Magic. I got what I expected because they are the best in the business. While I felt one transformation effect went on several seconds too long (with Optimus Prime’s first appearance), it was still impressive to watch. The look of the Transformers and other special effects looked realistic.

Michael Bay is an action film director, and when it came to the action sequences, he did what he knows best. I was fine with that. I actually have enjoyed several Bay films – Bad Boys and Bad Boys II for example – because of the good action sequences. There were plenty of explosions, gunfire, and robot fights. For the most part, it all came together well in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The highlight of this film involved the robot fights between Autobots and Decepticons. These fight scenes were done very well, and my absolute favorite action sequence involved a Transformers fight scene in the forest. For whatever reason, the combination of giant robots fighting against lush green scenery worked well. It provided a different backdrop from the typical cityscape fights the Transformers have engaged in. I thought this was a nice choice by Bay in changing the surroundings of the Transformers into an unexpected environment.

The problem was that the lack of story highlighted the fact that this film was an “action porn” movie. Out of all the Michael Bay films I have seen, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen showed the weakness in an overabundance of good action vs. no story. When I watched the human and robots talk, I found myself bored because there was nothing significant being revealed. I was shifting in my theater seat and sighing, waiting for the next action sequence because the plot was thinner than a sheet of paper. While I do like smart action films with a good plot (at the least), I knew that I wasn’t getting that with this film within the first hour. Therefore, I was just waiting for the next great action sequence. I realized I had to transition mentally into that kind of mode when watching this movie.

“I found myself butt shifting (a lot) in Transformers 2 cause it was too long. I actually had a moment where I wanted to get up and leave.”

The running time of 2 hours, 30 minutes could have been trimmed down by at least 45 minutes-1 hour. The lack of plot highlighted this fact, and towards the end of the film, I felt like some action sequences were just being thrown in…just because. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen started to drag at the end, and I was getting restless and waiting impatiently for the “big climatic moment.” Towards the end of the film, I felt like some of those action sequences weren’t needed and could have been cut. There was too much fat in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (in the middle and end), and I found myself bored, agitated, and ready to leave. On top of everything I’d already experienced, I was just beat down towards the end of the film. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen grew to be excruciatingly bad as it wore on, and I didn’t know if I could take the pain anymore. At that point, I’d had enough “action porn” for 90 minutes; however, I managed to suffer through it and finish the film without leaving.

“I enjoyed the first Transformers. I didn’t expect this one to be as good, but I expected better at first. This movie failed badly! I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I felt Terminator Salvation was better than Transformers 2. At least I had more (barely) to like.”

To say I was disappointed for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is an understatement. I didn’t think it was going to be such a terrible film experience. It is definitely the worst in-theater, film experience I’ve had. Before that, Terminator Salvation held that honor.

I never expected that Terminator Salvation would be a better film than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen but it was. Yes, Terminator Salvation was an epic bullshit film fail, too, but I did actually like the Marcus Wright character, his story, Kyle Reese’s character, and even the little girl, Star. That’s far more than I liked in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which essentially boiled down to the action sequences and effects.

“To Shia LaBeouf, I want to say that you are better than this. I saw shades of that in the really bad Eagle Eye. You can act. Stop this madness. Shia, if you aren’t signed up for Transformers 3 and Michael Bay approaches you, just say no! ‘DARE to keep a kid off crap!’”

Despite how some of his films make him look, I do believe LaBeouf is a good actor. He showed me that there is some depth there and that he can act in one significant scene in Eagle Eye. When I watched that scene, I knew then that he was capable of far more than the roles he’s had. I wish LaBeouf would take a detour from the big budget mainstream franchises and follow the path for smaller films sometimes. A good example of a young actor who is taking on small films but making big waves is Emile Hirsch. I think LaBeouf couldn’t do any wrong by following Hirsch’s career path with similar film choices. However, I predict more big budget pictures for LaBeouf with the same shtick and another Transformers film.

“To Megan Fox, honey, I know you look like a younger Angelina Jolie, but at least she proved she can act. Transformers isn’t helping you.”

As it stands, Fox looks like another Hollywood star rather than an actress. I don’t know if she wants to be a star or an actress, but if she wants to be an actress, she’s got to take a different career path. Maybe she needs to follow Charlize Theron’s lead (in Monster) by getting ugly for her next film. Perhaps I’m naïve, but I want to believe Fox wants to be an actress and not just a star.

“The juvenile sex jokes and references in Transformers 2 were overwhelmingly stupid. Robots humping legs. Dogs humping. And more! Sam’s (Shia) parents were terrible! His mother made me wanna slap some good sense into her. I was like what the f*ck is wrong with you?”

Other than juvenile sex jokes and constant sexual references, there were too many “cheap, just for laughs” humor attempts. These things were distractions from the fact that this movie had no real story. 99% of the time, I didn’t fall for the distractions. I might have laughed three times during this film; otherwise, I was shaking my head at the stupidity of these scenes and the humor. I think I clearly got that sex was on the scriptwriter’s minds when this film ended. Awesome job on conveying that thought. They only beat it into my head with baseball bat.

“Oh and let me say, there was a ‘Thong Song’ moment that freaked the frak outta me. Seriously, I was waiting for Sisqo’s song to break out. Hint: that ‘Thong Song’ moment in Transformers 2 is not from who you’d expect either. I needed brain bleach after that. Holy jeebus!”

Seriously, the scriptwriters went for toilet humor at this point. It was a disgusting humor moment that made everyone in the theater groan more than laugh. I don’t want to spoil it, but if you’ve seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“And speaking of sex references…why the f*ck were there testicles on a Decepticon! Seriously? I saw frakin dangling nuts! Frak, if you’re gonna give a Decepticon balls, go all the frakin way. Give him a magic stick, too! I can’t believe I saw elephantitis testicles hanging on a Decepticon. That’s when I knew Michael Bay lost his ever loving mind! If Michael Bay gave a Decepticon nuts, I’m really scared to see um, ‘rose petals’ for robots in disguise.”

I don’t think there is anything else for me to add to my tweet review here. Do you?

“Transformers 2 deserves the scathing reviews it’s getting because it’s frakin hot poop on a stick. It’s epic bullshit film fail. Special effects, explosions, and hot looking people are not enough to make a film, Michael Bay. I hoped you would do better. This was fail! The BSG, Terminator, Empire Strikes Back, Aliens, and The Matrix movie references in Transformers 2 made my head spin. I was like, what the f*ck?”

To reiterate, I didn’t expect to see a smart action film in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Out of the Michael Bay films I’ve seen, I have enjoyed them. Of course, I’ve enjoyed some more than others, but I have never outright hated a film of his…until now.

For me, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was his worst effort by far. Bay and the scriptwriters could have at least given me a story on the first Transformers film level. At least that would have been better than no story. I don’t have high expectations from a Bay film, but I do expect to be entertained. Other than a few action scenes, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen definitely didn’t entertain me – far, far from it. My painful movie experience level outweighed my level of enjoyment by wide margins.

“Ya’ll can watch Transformers 2 at your own risk, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that it was an epic bullshit film fail. I don’t always listen to critic reviews, but the 22% for Transformers 2 at Rotten Tomatoes is too high! The sad thing is that there were some people enjoying Transformers 2 in the theater. I was like, are you watching the same movie as me?”

I will say that if you still want to watch this film, then be wary and realize what you’re walking into with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. As I wrote earlier in my review, the box office attendant stated that people who liked the first Transformers would like the sequel. I really liked the first film, but I detested the second film. I feel there are better ways to spend 2 hours and 30 minutes of your life that you will never get back watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. However, you can judge it for yourselves if you really, really want to sit through this movie. It’s possible you will like it as much as the first film…it’s possible.

“When the credits rolled for Transformers 2, I felt hoodwinked, bamboozled. This film gets a huge frakin F!!”

That’s all.

Some of my readers have asked a few questions on Crystal Chappell’s big announcement through blog comments, emails, and tweets on Twitter. I addressed how I felt mostly through Twitter, but I realize not everyone uses Twitter or follows me for that matter. Others have asked questions about my Otalia posts, and some have asked me if I would follow Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia’s careers once Guiding Light concludes this September. I decided to address all of these questions in this blog post, but I have also decided to discuss the state of soap operas as well. I feel like I can’t discuss the Crystal Chappell announcement and my Otalia posts without also discussing how I feel about soap operas. I think once you finish reading this post, you will have a clear indication on my thoughts.

Thoughts on Crystal Chappell’s Announcement

Around midnight on June 12, 2009, I discovered the news that Crystal Chappell was returning to Days of Our Lives as Dr. Carly Manning. Crystal Chappell currently plays Olivia Spencer on Guiding Light and is one-half of the super couple known as Otalia. I started seeing a flood of tweets on Twitter about the news, but I waited to read a story confirming the news. Once I had confirmation, the crushing pain I felt was absolutely startling and very unexpected. As I said on Twitter, it felt like something had pierced my heart once the news hit me.

At first, I felt denial and disbelief that this was happening. For weeks, I have been fighting to keep Otalia and Guiding Light alive. I knew that time was ticking on the clock towards September 18, which is the final airdate for the show on CBS. I knew that Guiding Light had not found a new home, but it didn’t stop me from trying my best to save it. Once I got past the denial and disbelief, sadness enveloped me because I knew that Otalia was as good as over.

As many of you are aware, Otalia is the story line that brought me back to Guiding Light for the first time since the early 90s. The storytelling and beautiful acting for Otalia restored my faith in the soap opera format. Over the past decade, I have become very jaded about soap operas; however, Otalia and Guiding Light was a shining beacon of light in the darkness known as daytime programming. The show is downright superior to any other soap opera on TV, and that is something I thought I’d never admit after I quit Guiding Light in 1993 and returned to it in 2009. While I watch and enjoy other story lines on Guiding Light, the Otalia story line is a huge reason why I watch the show.

Otalia was able to make me an emotionally invested fan like no other story line has ever done. I’ve loved many soap opera story lines over the years, but nothing has touched me like Otalia managed to do. The perfect storm of amazing writing, Crystal Chappell (Olivia Spencer), and Jessica Leccia (Natalia Rivera) was the most unexpected yet pleasant experience I’ve ever witnessed as a soap fan. When I started watching the Otalia story in January 2009, I never imagined how much I would grow to love it. My attachment, love, and affection for this story line snuck up on me, and I never saw my investment level for this story coming. After the stunningly beautiful Otalia love confession mid April 2009, I knew I was in deep. It was the reason why I took to my laptop and wrote my very first Otalia post on April 20, 2009. It was also the reason why I continued to write about Otalia every week.

Good story is one thing, but Otalia is superb storytelling. In all of my years, I have never seen anything that has affected me the way the Otalia story line has done. I have shows and story lines I love, but nothing has captured and captivated me the way Otalia did. Since I am jaded about TV shows (and movies) in general, when I see something amazing, I want others to know about it. It is why I constantly talk about Otalia on Twitter and with my friends and associates. It’s why I lose sleep Friday nights and go through my torturous process to write about Otalia every week. It’s why I call Guiding Light every day (several times a day) to express my love for the show and Otalia. It’s why I take the time to write appreciation letters to Guiding Light every week. Yes, I am emotionally invested and just downright appreciative to experience the beauty that is Otalia. That’s why I felt such sadness when I learned that Crystal Chappell was leaving after Guiding Light concludes on CBS.

I have to say that Crystal Chappell signing with Days of Our Lives was not really surprising to me when I first heard the news. I felt like she was saying goodbye in some of her tweets on Twitter and on her one of her blog posts. I also knew that as the clock ticked towards September with no TV deal in place, other shows would start to pick up talent from Guiding Light. However, I wanted to believe that Guiding Light would find a new home or that Otalia would spin off as a web series. As a fan, I felt there was a 50% chance of saving Guiding Light and Otalia. I just wanted to believe that “love could save the world” so I could continue to experience the beautiful experience that is Otalia. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

On June 12, 2009, I mourned the loss of Crystal Chappell from Guiding Light with other Otalia fans on Twitter most of the night. Like I stated previously, it was jarring how sad I felt that Crystal Chappell was leaving. I really didn’t expect to feel that kind of emotional response. Yes, I was happy for her because I do understand she has to work. I was just incredibly saddened that Otalia was ending.

Thoughts on My Otalia Posts

As I allowed the news to sink in, I remember feeling that I wanted to stop writing the Otalia posts for good. I had no idea how I could continue to write about Otalia knowing that it was definitely ending, regardless if Guiding Light finds a new home or not. Again, I always knew the end of Guiding Light was a very strong possibility, but I wanted to believe. I really did. While the emotions whirled in my head, I really felt like there was no way I could write about Otalia any further. My mental game and focus was off…way off. I could feel it. I felt like my world had spun off from the Milky Way into another galaxy. I wasn’t sure it was possible for me to view Otalia on my screen the same way. For a moment, I felt bad about getting other people deeply invested in Otalia with my weekly posts. I knew that my posts had pulled others in just as deeply. After receiving some tweets concerning my Otalia posts on June 12, I had a real understanding just how my words touched others.

As the night of June 12 wore on, I transitioned from sadness to the numb stage. At this point, I knew that I could never allow myself to get so emotionally invested in a story line again. I was having a particularly bad week of moodiness and depression the week of June 8 anyway. The news that Crystal Chappell was signing with Days of Our Lives kept me in that moody, depressed state of mind because of the unexpected sadness of the news. I just tried to stop feeling anything else at that point. Considering the week I was having, I knew it was going to be a struggle writing the Otalia post for the week of June 8. After realizing that Otalia was over, I felt like I didn’t know how I would manage to get my head together and analyze footage for the Otalia post. Part of me was resigned to not writing it and telling everyone that I couldn’t write about Otalia anymore. Seriously, I knew this news was going to block me mentally from being effective in writing about Otalia. Then something happened.

Oddly enough, I moved through the numb stage rather quickly. Once I slept after the news broke about Crystal Chappell, I woke up at the acceptance stage. I really didn’t expect to get to that place as fast as I did. I think part of it was knowing that this was always a strong possibility, and I just accepted the reality that I tried to keep hidden after CBS cancelled Guiding Light. So I just got to a point where I said to myself, “It’s happened. Otalia is over in September, so just enjoy what’s left.” I got past it and tried to move on. I knew many of my Twitter friends who were Otalia fans weren’t at the level of acceptance yet, but I tried to show everyone that I was forging ahead as planned. I decided that at the very least, I could try to find it within myself to write about Otalia that night. The week of June 8 for Otalia was a beautiful week, and I wanted to try and write about it. I still felt it would be difficult, which is why I started analyzing Otalia footage a lot earlier than planned.

Sometimes writing the Otalia posts are easy, and sometimes writing the posts are hard. My Twitter followers who follow my writing adventures throughout the night are aware of what I go through to write these Otalia posts. However, I have to confess that my Otalia writing session for June 12-June 14 was the most difficult time I’ve ever had writing about my favorite duo. When I first started analyzing footage, I looked at Crystal Chappell, and all I could think about was that she was leaving, that she would not be Olivia Spencer anymore. When I looked at Jessica Leccia, all I could think about was that she would be without Crystal Chappell assuming Guiding Light finds a new home. I tried to get those thoughts out of my head, but it was very difficult to do so. As a result, I spent more time re-watching the Otalia scenes for the week of June 8 more than I’ve ever watched footage in preparing for an Otalia post. I had moments where I felt like this wasn’t going to work for me. I just couldn’t analyze anything without letting the reality that Otalia was over affect me when I re-watched their scenes. I thought I was going to be in some real trouble that night; however, I kept trying and finally stopped thinking about the end of Otalia. I started writing the post on June 12 and didn’t finish until about 2:30 a.m. on June 14. Granted there was a lot to discuss with four days of Otalia scenes, but I also had to contend with my initial struggles when reviewing the footage. Still, I could feel that I was crafting something really good and something special. I am always a better writer when I’m a bit depressed, and my Otalia post for June 14 was no exception. Yes, it was more torturous than any other Otalia post I’ve written to date, but it is also one of my favorite posts to date. I knew after I finished writing it and posting it to my site that I had to continue writing about Otalia to the very end. It is still a story line worth writing about. Additionally, I felt like if I could write an Otalia post that was as difficult as the June 14 one, then I could continue to write about them. Knowing that, I am here to say that my Otalia posts shall continue until Guiding Light ends it.

Since my June 14 Otalia post, writing about them has become easier, yet it’s still difficult for me. There are many reasons for that, but it mainly concerns the fact that I know this beautiful ride will end September 18. I am a bit saddened by that, and I am still mourning the loss.

Thoughts on the State of Soap Operas

My maternal grandmother raised my brothers and me on soap operas, and I know this genre like the back of my hand. I was a CBS soap watcher because that’s what my maternal grandmother watched, but I branched out into other soaps during my teenage years. As a result, I have watched several soaps over the years:

• The Young & the Restless
• Capitol
• The Bold & the Beautiful
• As the World Turns
• Guiding Light
• Generations
• One Life to Live
• Days of Our Lives
• Passions
• Port Charles
• All My Children

There was a time when I spent approximately 3-4 hours of my day watching soaps. For the soaps I had no time for during weekdays, I spent my Saturdays watching the recorded episodes in a daylong soap opera fest. I was just that invested in soap operas because the writing and the story lines were so good. I was a committed fan because soaps were exceptional in the 80s and early 90s. However, things started going downhill by the late 90s. I noticed that the soap opera genre entered a recession after 2000, which has become a great depression for the past nine years. My soap opera viewing decreased over the years, and as of today, I only watch two soap operas: The Young & the Restless and Guiding Light. When the urge hits me, I tune into Days of Our Lives to watch Safe (Sami & Rafe), but I only watch their scenes. I fast-forward through everything else when I watch the show online; the Safe story line is the only thing I like on Days of Our Lives. Unfortunately, I have a problem when I watch other soaps now. Nothing compares to Guiding Light in regards to the quality of the storytelling.

For me, Guiding Light is so superior to other soap operas because it is the one soap that’s doing soap opera right in every way. I’ll grant that The Young & the Restless is really good, and they are writing stories using the classic soap opera format but not like Guiding Light. Since May 2009, my love for Guiding Light has grown so much that I am actually behind on The Young & the Restless and Safe scenes on Days of Our Lives. It’s just hard to transition from the art that is Guiding Light (especially Otalia) to…everything else. Now that I know that the light truly is growing dimmer for Guiding Light and the end of Otalia is upon me, I realized something. I cannot watch soap operas anymore…at least not with the current writing on other shows.

Yes, I am watching The Young & the Restless, and I really do enjoy the show. However, I’m not that attached to it. Seriously, I could stop watching today. I’m already behind anyway and haven’t seen back episodes in a couple of weeks. I don’t miss it the way I would if this were Guiding Light, which is must see, every day TV for me. Yes, I have said I shall follow Crystal Chappell to Days of Our Lives, and I will follow Jessica Leccia wherever she ends up. I will support these two wonderful actresses because of the beautiful experience they have given me as Otalia. However, I’m going to be real honest. Unless I see some out of the ballpark, grand slam writing, I will only watch their scenes and nothing else. When I tuned into Days of Our Lives for the first time since the mid 90s, I saw just how far that show has fallen. It’s not the worst soap on daytime, but there is nothing interesting on it aside from the Safe story line. I want to believe the writers will do right by Crystal Chappell when she arrives. I really do, but I have my doubts. Why do I have doubt? It’s real simple; daytime is in shambles.

Outside of Guiding Light and The Young & the Restless, the soap opera genre is in terrible shape. In fact, it is dying. I have been watching this slow, excruciating death for nearly a decade, but the past few years have been extremely hard as a soap fan. There was a time when I would defend soaps whenever a friend or associate would ask me, “How can you watch that garbage?” Now, I can’t bother to defend some of the stuff I have seen on soap operas the past few years. And you know what? I don’t defend it because a lot of the stuff going on in soap operas is downright awful. The constant story line recycling, rewriting of history, and destruction of characters is such a huge turn off for me. It bothered me enough that I quit As the World Turns, The Bold & the Beautiful, and All My Children within the past three years. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I started having too many “What the frak?” moments watching these soaps in particular. However, I’m also aware that “What the frak?” moments are occurring on the soaps I’m not watching. The writing, storytelling, and the things characters do were just illogical. I felt like I was being treated like I’m stupid with ridiculous storylines and that I don’t understand how characters should act. As a soap fan, there are things that I need and want if I will continue with this genre.

Needful Things #1

I need new story lines that build from past events or recent events. There can be gold in mining through a character’s history and finding ways to introduce new story based on historical events. Looking back to the past to develop the future is not a bad thing, especially for characters that have been around for a decade or longer. My youngest brother and I were able to develop story lines for The Bold & the Beautiful (just for fun) on characters’ back history that can be told 6 months-1 year. If we can do it, head writers and executive producers can do it, too.

Needful Things #2

I need the classic soap opera storytelling that was successful, enjoyable, and engaging in the 80s and 90s. I truly believe that a return to the glory days of soap operas will bring lost soap opera fans back home, which would boost the ratings. Those old fans are still out there, and a good story told through classic soap opera format will bring them back. Guiding Light’s use of the classic soap opera storytelling and pacing with the Otalia story line brought me back to their show.

Soap operas are generally not going to attract new soap fans unless old fans bring them in. To me, soap operas are passed down through the generations, like a family heirloom. For example, soap operas were passed down to my brothers and me from our maternal grandmother and our mother to a lesser degree. Otherwise, we would have never watched them. “If you build it, they will come.” When I say “they,” I mean old soap fans that in turn will pass down soaps to newer generations…if it’s good.

Needful Things #3

I need carefully told, engaging story lines that have direction and are thought out (logically) by head writers. There are times when I feel like I’m watching story lines that were thrown together without any direction of where it will end. I watch as story lines changes mid-stream more often than not, and it looks like the head writers are writing things on the fly. As someone who writes, I know head writers might not always know the ending, but at least plot the story far enough to come up with an end game. To put it simply, if you’re planning a road trip from Florida to California, have a GPS navigator and map in hand. If you don’t know what California city you want to visit yet, you’ll have enough time to figure it out on the road before you reach the state line.

The breakneck pacing of story lines many soaps adopted just doesn’t work for me, and I am puzzled by the need for speed. Why do you need to tell a story line in two months or less? There is nothing wrong with stretching a story line out 6 months-1 year (or longer). Unless you have a cancellation warning glaring in your face, there is plenty of time to tell a long-term story; there are five episodes per week. I can be a patient soap fan if I’m watching great writing and acting (i.e. the Otalia story line), and I know I’m not alone in saying I can be patient.

Needful Things #4

I need the writing for soap operas to climb out of the toilet. The writing on the majority of soaps is mostly uninspiring, and I feel like there is more recycling occurring rather than actual writing. The dialog can be illogical because characters say something totally opposite of what they expressed weeks, months, or a year ago. As a writer, the illogical writing and character behavior bothers me a great deal. However, I know illogical writing and character behavior also bother long time soap fans that are non-writers. It unsettles me (and other fans I’ve spoken with) to watch soaps and feel like the writers don’t know the characters better than I do; they should.

What a Soap Fan Wants #1

I want more diversity in soap operas. When I say diversity, I’m not just talking about adding more Latinos, African-Americans, Asians, Native Americans, etc. to the cast. That needs to happen, but that’s not enough. I’m referring to adding lesbian, gay, and bi-sexual characters as well. For instance, The Bold & the Beautiful is a show about (or use to be about) high fashion, yet there isn’t a single gay/lesbian character on the show.

In terms of diversity, I would also like to see families that represent common, every day people. Not everyone lives in a mansion and can dress up in fur coats and jewels. Soaps should show people who are poor, middle class, and upper class. I know soaps do have different class variations (barely), but they mainly focus on middle class to upper class characters. I like to see a family who struggles when they are poor and rise up (over time). I would  like to see a family who might be poor and stay poor, yet they are happy because they have all the riches in the world – love. Additionally, I would also like to see an upper class family lose everything they have and sink down to the bottom into poverty. This is reality. Show it to me.

What a Soap Fan Wants #2

I want head writers to sit down with the actors and give them a general outline of story lines. I’m aware that some shows have had head writers who never interact with the actors, and there are some head writers who do talk to the actors about story lines. Regardless, I am tired of watching actors convey a character one way and then convey it a different way because they weren’t given direction on how the story plays out. A perfect example of this is the Sick story line (Rick & Steffy) on The Bold & the Beautiful. I felt like Kyle Lowder (Rick Forrester) had no direction in his story line with Steffy when I watched him (before I quit the show). As a result, he played the character in a yo-yo like manner, which isn’t his fault.

If the head writers sit down with the actors, they could also come up with potential story lines. An actor who has portrayed a character for a long time might have some good ideas about using history to develop new story lines.

What a Soap Fan Wants #3

I want better actors on soaps. The acting on soap operas ranges from “Oh my God, this is magnificent!” to “Get him or her off my screen cause I can’t frakin stand it!” The days where soaps had good actors (or even performers that can act) from top to bottom no longer exists. Many soap opera actors were theater-trained actors, which is why the acting was so good in the “old days.” Now, soap operas have become pre-school for green actors; believe me, it shows. That said, I don’t mind watching inexperienced actors (who can act) grow and develop, but I’ve seen some performers on soaps who look like they’ve never acted a day in their life. Word of advice: there is nothing wrong with doing theater for a few years before trying out for a role on TV. Trust me, theater experience is a huge plus (i.e. Bryce Dallas Howard in The Village, which was her first film ever).

What a Soap Fan Wants #4

I want soaps to not ignore older characters, and I want head writers to develop story lines for these characters. As children, my brothers and I loved watching the older characters. Some of my personal favorites as a child included:

• Katherine Chancellor, Jill Abbott, Nikki & Victor Newman, and John Abbott (The Young & the Restless)
• Stephanie Forrester and Sally Spectra (The Bold & the Beautiful)
• Bob & Kim Hughes, Susan Stewart, John Dixon, Lucinda Walsh, and Lisa Grimaldi, (As the World Turns)
• Alexandra Spaulding (mainly the Beverlee McKinsey portrayal of the character), Ed & Maureen Bauer, Roger Thorpe, and Lillian Raines (Guiding Light)

Many soaps inexplicably think that younger soap fans don’t want to see story lines for older characters. In discussing this issue with my brothers, we agreed that we enjoyed watching story lines for older characters when we were kids far more than story lines for teenage/young adult characters. I can attest that when I was home during the summers from school, I was a bit frustrated with teen story lines. I didn’t care for those characters; I wanted to watch the older characters. Why? It was because the older characters were more interesting and had more going on than typical teenage issues. As a child, I’d rather watch Alexandra Spaulding vs. Blake Thorpe or Katherine Chancellor vs. Jill Abbott fights any day of the week than a teen story line. Soap opera executives and head writers: trust me when I say that young people gravitate towards the older characters. Write for them!

Over the past several months, I got what I wanted and needed in Guiding Light and The Young & the Restless. Those shows made me happy as a soap opera fan; however, some of the soaps I have tuned into recently aren’t even close in terms of quality. Quality, among other things, is a huge factor why many soap fans have stopped watching daytime. I’m sure many daytime programming executives ask where the soap fans have gone. It’s real simple. They have gone to primetime shows where they get better daytime drama than the majority of soap operas. I am one of those fans who seek primetime shows for daytime, soap opera-like drama.

As a soap fan, I am tired and weary. I cannot invest myself in a genre that doesn’t want to save itself. I honestly have better things to do with my time than waste time suffering through unwatchable material. Unless Guiding Light is picked up, I will be down to one soap opera that I watch in its entirety – The Young & the Restless. I am already a “scene watcher” for Safe on Days of Our Lives, and I will be a “scene watcher” for Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia’s characters (assuming Leccia remains on soaps). It’s sad that I’ve gotten to this point. I was once a champion of the soap opera genre, and I faithfully watched all of my beloved soaps without missing an episode (if I could help it). I couldn’t wait to get home from school or after work to watch “my stories” for hours each day. At this point, the only show that makes me run home in anticipation is the Guiding Light.  I’m not on that level for The Young & the Restless, even though I really enjoy it.

There are many things wrong with the soap opera genre. Like Daytime Confidential expresses through their podcasts, I  just don’t understand this industry. How can people hire executives/head writers that wreck one show and bring them on board to damage another show? It makes no sense to me. Like Daytime Confidential, I agree that the only logical conclusion is that the networks want to quit the soap opera genre. Driving soaps out of business for cheaper programming is the only explanation that makes sense. Cheaper programming isn’t always quality programming.

To the soap opera industry, I would like to depart these final words. If you really do care about saving your shows, be radical. Take risks. Listen and take heed to some of the suggestions I’ve written in this blog post. Hire writers outside of the soap opera industry rather than hiring the same people over and over again. They could bring a fresh perspective to soaps. Hire soap fans who are writers to write your shows as head writers. Soap fans care about this genre, and they are passionate about the shows they love. If they were writing the shows, they would give their all because they care on a deeper level than you cannot imagine. I also want to give the soap opera industry this other piece of advice; executives, be executives and stay out of the creative and writing process. Just write the checks. If you’ve never written anything in your life, you don’t need to “guide” head writers in the development of story lines. I’m a writer who knows very little about directing, so I wouldn’t tell a director how to direct a scene.

Sadly, I know I’m being totally naive in my requests, but in a perfect world, these things could repair the soap industry. I know no one will listen to a lone blogger who’s only been a soap fan since I was toddler. However, it would be nice if someone, anyone heard my cries.

Save the soaps. Don’t let them die. Bring me back to your shows. Show me that you care. Write good stories. Make me come back. Give me a reason to remain a soap fan. Do I continue playing for the team, or do I retire my jersey and reflect on memories? What I’m simply saying is this: give a good cot damn!

That’s all.

I’ve caught on to how Guiding Light swings the pendulum for Otalia; therefore, I was (somewhat) mentally prepared for this week’s episodes. I am extremely grateful I had a beautiful Otalia experience the week of June 8 because I knew the week of June 15 was going to be a painful Otalia experience. As many of you know, I don’t read spoilers because I must maintain a “pure” Otalia experience to write these posts, but I was going with my instincts. I knew the writers would dip this roller coaster ride down into a deep valley of depression, and I knew there would be few lighthearted, smile-inducing moments. As predicted, I was right.

The June 15 episode picked up right after Rafe called his mother, Natalia, out over her interactions with Olivia from the June 12, 2009 episode. At the end of the June 12 episode, I felt Natalia knew Rafe spotted the intimacy between her and Olivia. In the beginning of the June 15 episode, I thought Natalia was trying to play the denial card with Rafe. Deep down, I think she knew he suspected the truth, but I felt Natalia was hoping he didn’t know about Olivia yet. When he asked, again, what was going on, Natalia’s replied that they were getting ready for dinner. Albeit true, that wasn’t all Natalia and Olivia were doing before Rafe’s outburst over their intimate behavior. Olivia decided to play along with Natalia’s denial response by agreeing they were preparing for his celebratory dinner. Rafe responded by snapping at Olivia with a bit of “Rafertude.” Natalia immediately addressed it by demanding he stop speaking to Olivia in a bad tone of voice. However, Rafe was building up to a full-blown “Rafertude” when he fired back at Natalia about how she raised him to adhere to the Bible and Catholic church’s teachings. After Rafe demanded an explanation once more, Natalia finally admitted to herself that he was clued in on her romantic relationship with Olivia.

I observed Olivia’s facial expression as Natalia told Rafe she didn’t want him to find out the way he did. I felt like she was recalling a discussion she had with Natalia on the April 22, 2009 episode. Right after they confessed their love for each other, Olivia tried to make Natalia see the consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship. On the April 22 episode, Olivia told Natalia that pure hell would come for the both of them. As Olivia indicated back then, she had time to think about the obstacles and issues they would face as a couple. In the June 15 episode, I felt Olivia was seeing the reaction from Rafe she’d probably imagined from the April 22 episode. However, like Natalia, I’m sure Olivia thought they would be able to tell Rafe together and hope for a less freaked out response. I then turned my attention to Natalia’s face after studying Olivia’s expression. I felt she was experiencing a bit of regret by not listening to Olivia’s suggestion to tell Rafe sooner. Olivia, of course, has been pushing to be out of the closet for a few weeks. Natalia wanted to wait until Rafe adjusted, which I could understand. On the other hand, as Olivia indicated on the June 2, 2009 episode, Rafe cannot be coddled forever. Olivia and Natalia were having a hard time restraining their natural inclinations to touch each other and they were caught. If Rafe had been told earlier, perhaps they could have avoided this type of confrontation from him. I felt these were some of the thoughts running through Natalia’s head as she watched her son’s reaction.

Olivia and Natalia both tried to explain why he hadn’t been told and that their relationship was unexpected. I then studied Rafe’s reaction as he processed everything. He knew what was going on with Olivia and Natalia on the June 11, 2009 episode. I think hearing them admit to their relationship just made what he saw a lot more real. He could barely look at the both of them at this point, and at that moment, I feel like Rafe’s reactions were realistic. I am aware that Natalia stressed the importance of following God’s teachings to Rafe. In his eyes, she was being duplicitous on some of the teachings and values she passed to him as a child. Because Natalia is a firm believer and follower in the Catholic faith, Rafe would look at his mother as a hypocrite right now. As far as he’s concerned, Olivia and Natalia being together romantically doesn’t make sense because of everything he was taught.

Emma’s appearance during the tense-filled moment was a much-needed, temporary interruption. Watching the pain and hurt between Rafe, Natalia, and Olivia was difficult for me because I had sympathy for all three characters at this moment. Obviously, there wouldn’t be a celebratory dinner, and Olivia knew that Natalia needed time with Rafe alone. As Olivia turned to Natalia and told her “it’s going to be okay,” I felt she was assuring herself and Natalia of that. I think Olivia was conveying to Natalia, in her own way, to summon the same strength she expressed with Father Ray when talking to Rafe. Olivia has faith in Natalia, and I believe she wanted Natalia to know that from her words and the way she looked at her before leaving. Of course, I knew the angst would ramp up once Olivia and Emma left the farmhouse, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be so painfully brutal and angering to watch.

I let out a long, frustrated sigh when Rafe jumped to bad conclusions about Olivia. I do not like it when anyone views Olivia so negatively, no matter who it is. As I have indicated in a previous post, this is a testament to how much this character has grown into a heroine. The emotional side of me wanted me to go to war with Rafe when he inferred Olivia was “doing something” to Natalia. On the other hand, when I looked at things in a logical way, his views made sense. When Rafe asked Natalia if Olivia was forcing her into their relationship or blackmailing her, I reflected on the past. I’m aware Olivia doesn’t have the best reputation in Springfield. If Natalia were an angel, then Olivia would be a demon when reviewing her past behavior. This is why Olivia expressed in the June 12, 2009 episode that she didn’t do anything to deserve Natalia. I think Olivia feels unworthy to have Natalia’s love because of her past; however, Olivia doesn’t see the person she has become like Natalia does. The same can be said of Rafe in that he doesn’t see Olivia as she is now. While he knows Olivia has been a good friend to Natalia, Rafe has not been able to see the growth and softening of her personality. He was incarcerated during Olivia’s transformation. Even though Olivia did see Rafe in prison, their visits weren’t frequent enough for him to see her for who she has become. I feel Rafe sees more of the old Olivia, even though he also sees a bit of the new Olivia.

Natalia’s defense of Olivia by confirming she wasn’t forced into anything was spot on. Rafe is unaware just how much Olivia struggled and hurt herself (emotionally) to give up what she wanted to make Natalia happy. During Frank’s courtship of Natalia, Olivia tried to express her feelings to Natalia several times. Others always conveniently interrupted them, or Natalia pushed the conversation to the side because she was in denial about her own feelings. Conversely, Olivia also realized it would be better to give up Natalia and not pursue her. Olivia was not blind to Natalia’s struggles between her faith and the attraction she felt towards Olivia. At the time – specifically February 2009 through mid April 2009 – she grew to feel a relationship with Natalia was hopeless. Even though Olivia wanted Natalia with a yearning that was heartbreaking to watch, she put her desires last. If Olivia “forced” Natalia into anything, it was an ill-fated decision to agree to Frank’s proposal and a rushed wedding. Olivia was unaware that Natalia was getting to a place where she wanted to choose Olivia and pursue her feelings. There were several times when Olivia said things she thought Natalia needed to hear during those angst-filled months. Natalia listened and took Olivia’s advice for a few reasons:

• Rejection - I felt just when Natalia was ready to take a leap of faith, Olivia would say something that she interpreted as rejection. I watched this happen many times, and it was often frustrating to see. However, I can understand Natalia not wanting to step out on faith towards Olivia during those perceived rejections. Even though she could see Olivia’s love for her, Natalia also knew that Olivia was struggling with it as well. After Olivia unintentionally rejected her, Natalia wouldn’t want to open herself up to further rejection so she let it go.
• Familiarity - Being with a man was familiar and normal territory for Natalia. While she cared for and loved Frank in her own way, she was never in love with him. Her heart belonged to Olivia, but exploring her feelings was unfamiliar and completely foreign to her. It was easier to stay on the safe route than veer off course into something new.
• Fear - Natalia loved Gus, and she held onto that love even when they were apart for so many years. No one has ever made her love again until Olivia came along. It scared her because that love came packaged in the female form rather than the male form. It also scared Natalia because I think Olivia is her true love whereas her love for Gus is idealized and fairy tale like. Olivia was far from the fairy tales she fantasized about when it came to her ideas on love.

The full-blown “Frankenclipse” Rafe brought on continued, and he grew more upset with Natalia as she tried to explain. When he begged her to tell him that Olivia was nothing more than an “itch to scratch,” I felt anger, sympathy, and understanding. The emotional side of me was very upset at Rafe for wanting to belittle Natalia and Olivia’s relationship. He probably saw their relationship as nothing more than an early midlife crisis on Natalia’s side. He also might have felt she wanted to explore the “wild side” rather than sticking with the “tame side.” I know their relationship is none of these things; nevertheless, I understand I’m viewing Olivia and Natalia’s relationship differently from Rafe.

I have watched a slow building romance between Olivia and Natalia for months. There is nothing but love between these two women. This isn’t a kinky, short-term sexual escapade for Natalia and Olivia, but that was probably how Rafe was viewing them at this particular moment. He has not seen the love develop between Olivia and Natalia. Looking at it from his side, it’s conceivable he would think what they feel isn’t long-term. Oddly enough, the emotional side of me also felt sympathy and understanding for Rafe at this point. Like Natalia, Rafe also felt Gus was the one “perfect” love for his mother. He was suspicious about Natalia’s decision to marry Frank. I remember him questioning her about her feelings for Frank. Part of Rafe was looking out for his mother and making sure she was happy. However, I feel like part of him was asking because he probably sees Gus in the same fairy tale manner as Natalia did. Like Natalia, Rafe’s view of Olivia as true love was not the image he ever imagined. In that regard, Rafe is truly his mother’s son. Natalia had months to reconcile that her image of true love is not what she imagined; Rafe has not. Strangely, I view Rafe’s reaction (at this point) in a similar way to Natalia’s reaction when people thought she and Olivia was a couple. The January 21, 2009 and February 5, 2009 episodes show a familiar reaction coming from Natalia. Obviously, Natalia has come a long way since then.

I was very proud of Natalia when she told Rafe she was in love with Olivia and that what they have would not be over soon. She was dredging up that same courage she had with Father Ray, which was the courage Olivia conveyed (silently) to her to have before leaving the farmhouse. Natalia refused to belittle and cave on her feelings for Olivia, even though she was clearly hurting for Rafe and was concerned about his feelings. My heart also ached a bit for Natalia and Rafe during this scene because they were both experiencing agonizing pain yet for different reasons. Yet, it wouldn’t take long for Rafe to decimate the sympathy I felt for him.

I expected more “Rafertude” from Rafe, but he took it to a completely new level. His explosive denial that Natalia could not possibly love Olivia killed my sympathy as sharply as his knife-wielding words cut and wounded Natalia. I watched as Natalia gently reaffirmed her love for Olivia, explained that what they have feels right, and expressed (in the most heartfelt way) that she needs her. Rafe just wasn’t trying to hear it. He was coming up with every excuse in the book to explain what Natalia and Olivia have. To his way of thinking, it couldn’t be true love between them. The emotional side of my brain grew dark with thunderous clouds when I watched these particular set of scenes for the first time.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to cut Rafe some slack. I have tried to give people some insight into his reactions so they wouldn’t dislike him so much. I have tried with Rafe just Natalia has tried with Rafe, despite his “Rafertude.” Unfortunately, I experienced a moment of weakness as my heart dropped during these scenes, and pure disdain for Rafe consumed me. When I watched Rafe blow up at Natalia, I crossed over to the “smack Rafe” side for the first time ever. Just like I dislike it when anyone expresses negativity towards Olivia, I truly dislike it when someone does this to Natalia. The fact that it was Natalia’s son just made it worse. Rafe Rivera had me in a downright “I really can’t stand this kid” mood the first time I saw these scenes. He was already exhibiting a disrespectful “Rafertude” towards Olivia and Natalia, but it grew worse as the June 15 episode continued. I had to re-watch these scenes a few times before the logical and analytical side of me tried to understand Rafe’s viewpoint.

To reiterate, he’s seeing Olivia and Natalia as a romantic pairing as an impossibility right now. I have already addressed why he felt that way earlier in this post; however, Rafe also provided other reasons behind his reaction. He feels that Olivia has been the crutch of support Natalia needed while he was in prison. Rafe might feel Natalia is confusing gratitude and the friendship love they have with romantic love. As Rafe also stated, he thinks Natalia is drawn to Olivia in a romantic way because she has Gus’ heart. All of these things account for the “weirdness” Rafe expressed when he pleaded with Natalia to end things with Olivia. Again, Natalia did not cave when it comes to Olivia. She retorted that they are not weird and that she hopes they can be a blended family one day. She tried to make him see that family and love is what counts, no matter who the person is. As difficult as it was to watch, Rafe’s continuous buildup of anger and confusion towards Natalia was genuine. He was once again feeling like Natalia was being a hypocrite with all of the values she taught him. Right now, he is seeing things as black or white, not grey. It is logical for Rafe to feel this way and see things in this manner. Natalia had that same black or white viewpoint before she accepted that love was love, no matter who it is. As I continued to watch these scenes, the emotional side of me was outraged when Rafe yelled that Natalia and Olivia could go to hell. However, the logical side of me knew that Rafe saying this makes sense. Again, he is relying on what he was taught in the Bible and through Catholic doctrine.

When Rafe told Natalia to “go and get your girl,” I swung from anger at Rafe to heartache for Natalia. I watched as she stood in front of Rafe and took his criticisms silently. My heart ached as Natalia’s face expressed hurt, concern, regret, and disappointment. Once again, I got the impression that Natalia wished she would have followed Olivia’s suggestion to tell him sooner rather than later about them. I really believe that Rafe’s accidental discovery of their relationship played a role in how severely he reacted. Perhaps his reaction would have been a little less harsh if they’d sat him down and explained things. Perhaps his words of anger would have been mere flesh wounds rather than escalating stabs of fury to the heart. In the end, I still felt Rafe would have said some of the same things no matter how he was told.

I felt Natalia was a little defeated by the time Rafe finished his tirade. All of the progress she’d made with Rafe on the June 11, 2009 episode evaporated. If anything, Natalia was at a worse place than I’ve ever seen her with her son. Natalia knew that as well as she cried out his name and watched him storm off in anger.

While Natalia stopped by Frank Cooper’s place to search for Rafe, Olivia went to her favorite frenemy confidant – Doris Wolfe. When Olivia and Emma left the farmhouse, I had a feeling that the “fear monster” would grab a hold of her again. One of probably several martinis at Towers couldn’t give her the reassurance she needed. I could tell Olivia was concerned with how Natalia was handling the situation with Rafe. When her worry drove her to the courthouse to seek out Doris, I wasn’t surprised. Olivia was following her normal pattern when the “fear monster” consumes her, and I smiled because Guiding Light’s writers continues to show me this pattern.

As Olivia explained what happened with Rafe, I discovered that Doris is not the big bad “Wolfe” she portrays at times. Doris’ revelation that she helped get Rafe a job was surprising and definitely unexpected. Before I saw this scene, I actually wondered if Olivia had used her connections to help Rafe land his new job. She did indicate in the June 2, 2009 episode that she would continue to help Rafe. I admit I had a sneaking suspicion that Olivia was behind Rafe’s good luck turnaround on the job search. I was wondering if Olivia was keeping it a secret because she didn’t want Natalia or Rafe to know she helped him get the job. However, to my pleasant surprise, I was totally wrong. Doris was the angel in disguise who helped Rafe get a job, and I definitely didn’t see that coming. I realized then that Doris was firmly behind Olivia and Natalia as a couple and wanted them to be happy. Sometimes I am a little unsure of Doris because she has said/done some things that I agree and disagree with regarding Otalia. I never know which side of the coin Doris will present, but she definitely gave me the good side in doing something nice for Rafe, Natalia, and Olivia’s benefit.

When Olivia explained that they were waiting for the perfect moment to tell Rafe, I agreed with Doris’ response. There is never a perfect moment to come out of the closet to children or anyone else for that matter. I think you just have to pick a moment and prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Clearly, Doris wants to maintain a false illusion for her daughter, Ashley, but Olivia and Natalia do not want this when it comes to their kids. When Ashley walked in on them, I studied Olivia’s face as she watched Doris and Ashley interact. I felt she was taking in the sharp contrast between Doris and Ashley’s lighthearted relationship and the current darkness of Natalia and Rafe’s relationship. I had a feeling that Olivia understood at that moment why Doris lived in the closet. She saw how Rafe reacted, but Olivia is unaware just how turbulent things got once she left. I think Olivia clearly noticed the difference in her situation with Natalia and Doris’ situation. I felt Olivia still would choose to be out of the closet and open in her relationship with Natalia. As Natalia once said, Olivia is one of the most honest and straightforward individuals she knew. Even though Olivia was attempting (and failing) to hide her love from Natalia, she was expressing the honesty of her feelings in other ways – mainly through actions. Here are a few examples:

December 24, 2008

When Emma went “missing,” Olivia was in a panic, and Natalia offered to help find her. They started arguing, mainly because Olivia was scared (and reasonably so). When Olivia asked why she cared, Natalia told her she would “die for that kid.” After those words, Olivia paused for several seconds and stared at Natalia. I think she expressed a moment towards Natalia that indicated, “I think I could fall in love with you for that alone.” Of course, Olivia was already in that zone but unaware of it. Some of her prior actions had started her down the path to loving Natalia romantically.

January 13, 2009

Natalia urged Olivia to take a thicker coat because it was colder than they expected. Olivia’s soul stirring, heart pounding stare at Natalia and her slow smile expressed just how much she adored Natalia for caring.

January 16, 2009

As Emma presented the “My Two Mommies” presentation for Family Day, Olivia was clued into what everyone was thinking – that they were a couple. Natalia was completely unaware of what the other parents and school officials were thinking. Nevertheless, Olivia didn’t release the grip she had on Natalia’s hand during the entire presentation for one second.

January 19, 2009 and January 21, 2009

Olivia tried to get Natalia to see that the parents at Family Day thought they were a romantic couple. Despite everything Olivia threw her way – other than simply saying they think we’re lesbians – Natalia just couldn’t see her point. Considering Olivia had consumed a few martinis at Towers after the presentation, her inhibitions were lowered. As a result, she expressed what the parents were thinking and how she felt by kissing Natalia. The January 19 and January 21 episodes showed two different outcomes on the kiss; however, there was one thing that remained consistent in the aftermath. Olivia never regretted that kiss, and she was beginning to pull any remainder blinders off regarding her romantic feelings towards Natalia.

There are many other examples of Olivia expressing the honesty of what she felt for Natalia from that point forward (and before). However, the ones I mentioned were key in showing that Olivia was walking down a romantic path in her feelings for Natalia. There is no way Olivia (or Natalia for that matter) could hide in the closet forever. Granted, there would be an emotional and mental cost in telling their children, but at least they would be open and honest.

When Olivia returned to the farmhouse, I felt she was hesitant and mentally bracing herself to find out what happened between Rafe and Natalia. Olivia definitely had a “prepared for the worst but hoping for the best” expression on her face. She needed it, too, when Natalia explained how her conversation with Rafe went. When Olivia asked how things stood with them as a couple, I already knew the answer before Natalia did. It was in their faces and their body language. Even though Natalia said she didn’t know, I knew. The physical distance between Olivia and Natalia as they cleared up the table indicated where things were headed. In the June 11, 2009 and June 12, 2009 episodes, they couldn’t resist being near each other. At the end of the June 15 episode, I knew that Olivia and Natalia were about to take a step back because of Rafe’s reaction.

As the June 18 episode started, I was mentally prepared for more Otalia-related angst, “Rafertudes,” and at least one “Frankenclipse.” Instead of the angst coming from Frank or Rafe, it came from Marina, Frank’s daughter. When Natalia dropped by Company to find Frank, I detected some coolness coming from Marina. She avoided looking at Natalia during most of their conversation at this point, but this was an understandable reaction. Marina welcomed Natalia into the Cooper clan by expressing it through words and through a gift. She also helped Natalia get ready for her non-wedding to Frank. As far as Marina was concerned, Natalia was a Cooper until she broke Frank’s heart. Even though Natalia has more than enough on her shoulders, Marina telling her not to take advantage of Frank made sense. As far as Marina is concerned, it appears Natalia is using Frank even after hurting him. Natalia definitely isn’t using Frank. After all, he voluntarily stepped up to remain in Natalia’s life, even if it’s on the outer edges. Natalia didn’t ask him to serve as Rafe’s mentor. She didn’t ask him to take Rafe in after he packed and left the farmhouse on the June 15 episode. As I have indicated, I don’t like it when anyone lashes out at Natalia. On the other hand, the logical side of me says that Natalia should expect to receive heat from the Cooper clan. They are not happy with her for hurting Frank, and after observing Natalia’s down expression, she is still regretting what she did to Frank.

When Natalia called Frank from Company, she asked if Rafe was ready to speak to her. I was a bit disappointed but unsurprised that Rafe declined. He clearly needed time to accept the reality of Olivia and Natalia as a romantic couple. After asking how Rafe was doing, I really could have done without a partial “Frankenclipse” from Frank. Marina had already set things in motion for a “Frankenclipse,” and he finished the job. Natalia gets that she didn’t handle things well with Rafe, and Frank could have been a bit more gentler in his response. When Frank echoed nearly the same prophetic words Buzz expressed about Natalia not thinking, it made me sigh in frustration. I do believe Natalia definitely understands this in a clear and obvious way. It doesn’t help to keep hearing people (the Coopers) reiterate this. What also didn’t help was Marina getting back on Natalia’s case again about Frank among other things.

Natalia: “Marina, I was just checking on Rafe. I didn’t plan on any of this to happen.” Marina: “No, see…Natalia that’s the problem. You don’t plan on anything to happen.”

No one plans to fall in love with a particular person. If everyone could plan to fall in love with the right person, then no one would ever be hurt from loving someone. I’m 100% positive Natalia and Olivia had no plans to fall for each other. Believe me, if Natalia had plans on falling in love several months ago, she would have chosen Frank over Olivia. Her religious and personal views would have necessitated it.

Marina: “Life just seems to happen to you, and then everyone around you has to pay the price.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but sometimes life just seems to happen to all of us (at one time or another). Could Natalia have restrained her behavior around Olivia better? Of course, she could have. However, she and Olivia are only human. These two love each other, and they have to clamp down their desire in showing affection because they aren’t out of the closet. After containing their impulses for weeks, it’s only natural that they expressed some of that affection by touching each other. After Rafe went out for a jog, they thought they were alone at the farmhouse for a while, which has been their safe haven. They definitely didn’t plan on Rafe catching their uninhibited behavior.

Natalia: “I didn’t make this situation.” Marina: “No, you just seem to fall into situations, and then you react to them without taking any responsibility or control. And that’s when people get hurt…like my dad.”

When Natalia told Marina that she didn’t make this situation, she was half-right and half wrong. If by “this situation” Marina was referring to hurting Frank, then Natalia did make that situation to a degree. Natalia knew she wasn’t in love with Frank when she accepted his proposal. She was encouraged by Olivia to marry Frank, but ultimately, it was her own decision to make. I understand why Natalia made the choice to marry Frank, and she thought she could go through with it. Nevertheless, she couldn’t do it, and she does have the right to change her mind, even if it is at the last minute. On the other hand, Frank helped make “this situation,” too. After he slept with Natalia, he told her they could slow things down. However, he rushed out in the next instant, bought a wedding ring, and proposed to her. Frank should have known it was too soon to propose. I understand he felt he was doing the right thing but he wasn’t. In his way of thinking, Frank felt proposing would help ease her guilt by sleeping with him. Still, a smart person would know when someone is not feeling them the same way. Natalia conveyed those signals, but Frank was clearly too blinded by love to see them.

As for Natalia falling into situations and reacting to them, I had another eye rolling moment over Marina’s statement. People fall into situations and react to them; that’s called life. No one can plan how to avoid bad or hurtful things in their lives. If we were capable of that, we would never grow as human beings. When Marina made this statement, I felt like she was making Natalia out to be downright reckless. Natalia did take responsibility for hurting Frank. She admitted as much when Frank started arguing with Olivia on the May 4, 2009 episode. Hurting Frank hurt Natalia because it was never her intent.

When I analyzed the statements Marina made, I had another gut feeling that her words would provide more foreshadowing in Otalia’s temporary direction. I would find out later if I was right or wrong.

While Natalia was dealing with Marina’s verbal tirade, Olivia was preparing for the Independence Day celebrations. She also had the misfortune of running into Father Ray. When I watched this scene for the first time, it was my turn to brace myself mentally for this conversation. I “expected the worst but hoped for the best” when Olivia and Father Ray started discussing Natalia. Olivia thanked Father Ray for supporting her relationship with Natalia. As I expected, he told Olivia that he didn’t support them. I then watched the smile drain from Olivia’s face during this exchange:

Father Ray: “I understand things are difficult for Natalia. I understand that both of you love each other. The circumstances shouldn’t justify your actions. That would be a mistake for both of you, for all the people in your lives.”

When I analyzed what Father Ray was saying, I caught the underlying message here. I think when he indicated that he understood Olivia and Natalia loved each other, he didn’t see it as romantic love. When he said “the circumstances shouldn’t justify your actions,” Father Ray was referring to several things:

• Olivia having Gus’ heart, which he thinks would draw Natalia to Olivia
• Olivia being a good friend to Natalia when Rafe went to prison and helping Rafe get moved to a better prison
• Natalia being a good friend to Olivia by helping her while she had complications with her heart
• Natalia functioning as a second mother to Emma while Olivia recovered from heart surgeries

I think Father Ray feels these are some of the main reasons why Olivia and Natalia love each other but only as friends. I agree these are reasons why they love each other as friends, but there are definitely many more reasons why they love each other in a romantic way. However, Father Ray doesn’t see this. I think he believes they are confusing their love as friends with romantic love based on the circumstances they have gone through. As a result, Father Ray seems to think that because they are “confused,” then they are unintentionally hurting the ones they love.

Father Ray: “I don’t wanna make decisions for Natalia. She’s gotta make her own choices in life as you do…but both of you have had a lot going on. There’s been a lot of turmoil in your life since you both got together. And when you’re in the middle of something like that…I just don’t think you could make clear choices. I’m sorry.”

I agree that Olivia and Natalia have gone through a lot together. I agree they experienced plenty of turmoil before they were a couple. I disagree that there has been a lot of turmoil since they became a couple. Theoretically, Olivia and Natalia did not become a couple until the May 11, 2009 episode. Frank was already clued into their romantic feelings before they became a couple. Rafe’s adjustment and subsequent discovery of their relationship is the only true external turmoil they’ve had. If there has been other turmoil since they became a couple, it has been internal to Olivia and Natalia. Their turmoil, of course, has been:

• Figuring out how to be together and how to act with each other
• Learning how manage their professional lives vs. their personal lives at The Beacon
• Determining how and when to come out to Rafe and Emma
• Controlling their desire to be affectionate until Rafe and Emma (at the time) knew about their romantic relationship

On the other hand, I do agree with Father Ray that in the midst of turmoil, clear choices cannot often be made. Natalia has been worrying about Rafe since he came home from prison. He was not adjusting well. He was struggling finding a job, and he was not always relating well to friends and family. His life had little time to stay on level ground after landing a job. Just when she felt she could worry a bit less, her concern deepened to a completely new level since he learned about Olivia. As I wrote previously, Natalia has been playing an imaginary battle of tug of war between Rafe and Olivia. Rafe yanked that rope this week and won in Natalia’s mind. Right now, resolving things with Rafe is her number one priority, as it should be. Natalia is so worried about the situation with Rafe that she isn’t in the right mindset to make clear choices. I think Olivia realized the truth of Father Ray’s words based on her facial expression.

After wishing Father Ray a Happy 4^th of July, Olivia made her way to Company for coffee. I guess Marina felt that her “advice” to Natalia needed reinforcing, which is why she spoke with Olivia.

Marina: “It’s like she reacts to whatever is in front of her, you know. For example, my dad says, ‘marry me,’ and she says ‘yes.’ Why? Because it’s there.”

To outsiders, Natalia’s reactions could look like she’s reacting to what’s in front of her. Of course, Olivia knows that’s not true (as do I). Believe me, if Natalia reacted to what was in front of her, she and Olivia would have taken more than a few tumbles in one of the farmhouse beds months ago.

Olivia: “She’s a good person, and she knows what she wants.” Marina: “Well you wouldn’t know that to be around her. And my dad can’t just keep getting pulled into her life because she can’t stand on her own two feet.”

As I just indicated, Olivia knows that Natalia is not reckless and reacts to anything in front of her. Natalia is very aware of what she wants, and what she wants is Olivia, Emma, and Rafe as a true family. Natalia definitely has the strength to stand on her own feet. She did it as a single parent for years before moving to Springfield. If Natalia lacked the capability to stand alone, she would have remarried long ago. As for Frank still being pulled into her life, he signed up for everything he’s getting. Natalia has asked Frank for help whenever Rafe pulls one of his disappearing acts. It makes sense that she would seek him out because he is Rafe’s mentor. Logically, Rafe could end up communicating with or visiting Frank whenever he decides to wander off the reservation. Otherwise, Natalia is not pulling Frank into her life.

Olivia: “What is it you want me to do?” Marina: “I don’t know…talk to her. Tell her that she needs to take control of her own life.”

I could see the thoughtful look on Olivia’s face. When I watched these scenes and the ones with Father Ray for the first time, I knew that those conversations made an impression on Olivia. I also knew that these conversations provided another strong indicator on the discussion Olivia and Natalia would have once they met again.

When Olivia returned to her office, she found Natalia waiting for her. As they discussed if any progress had been made with Rafe, Natalia told Olivia she was unsure he would come around. Based on Olivia’s facial expression, I felt a hint of the “fear monster” was creeping up inside her again. I felt like Olivia had a pit in the bottom of her stomach when Natalia asked her to sit down. Rather than choosing the vacant office chair next to Natalia, Olivia chose to sit behind her office chair. I found myself chuckling when Natalia gave a slight chuckle and asked Olivia to sit closer. This was the first lighthearted moment I had during the Otalia week, and while it was minor, it was better than nothing. I managed to smile and laugh, so I was happy for that brief moment.

After Olivia was re-seated, Natalia managed to bring up some things in her conversations with Marina and Frank. She talked about how things would look between them to outsiders, which confirmed some of the foreshadowing I picked up the dialog (with Marina and Frank). Oddly enough, Natalia also seemed to channel the dialog that Olivia had with Father Ray and Marina as well. The writer in me lit up right at the beginning of Natalia’s dialog to Olivia. When I watched these scenes for the first time, I noticed that Guiding Light’s writers were dropping foreshadowing breadcrumbs throughout the June 18 episode. It was extremely pleasant to see the writers retrace their steps through those breadcrumbs, which eventually led to the discussion Olivia and Natalia had at The Beacon. As Natalia went over the timeline of their relationship, I watched Olivia’s face fall as the pieces fell into place. She was remembering her conversations with Father Ray and Marina, and she was going to heed some of the things they said to her. As a result, I was not surprised when Olivia stopped Natalia and told her she agreed. I think Natalia expected Olivia to “hold on tight,” but she “let go” this time, which explained her slight surprise.

Olivia: “I love you. And I know how I feel…”

In last week’s post, I explained how Olivia and Natalia communicate “I love you” to each other. I expressed the desire to hear Olivia say it a bit more, and she granted my wish this week. Like Natalia, I know how Olivia feels, but it was so nice to hear it.

Olivia: “I want everyone to know that even if we’re separate…without the drama, I choose you.” Natalia: “I choose you, too.” Olivia: “So this means we take a step back…”

There were good things and bad things mixed in this dialog but nothing that worried me enough to push me on the ledge. The good involved Olivia and Natalia choosing each other no matter what. These particular lines were my favorite in this week’s episode. Their words gave me comfort in knowing that whatever happened would not break them up permanently.

The bad involved the build up to a temporary break between Olivia and Natalia. In real life, the writers had to develop a way to write Jessica Leccia (Natalia) off the show for her one-month maternity leave. Olivia and Natalia’s discussion about being separate and taking a step back is a part of that. Natalia quitting her job was a second step towards the temporary break.

As Olivia helped Natalia prepare her resignation and recommendation letters, I knew their step back wasn’t as far back as I feared. The smiles and affectionate looks they gave each other gave me temporary peace. I realize that there is something larger in store to remove Natalia out of Olivia’s life, but I was just soaking in the moment just like they were.

Later at Towers, I found myself smiling when Olivia walked over to Frank and Marina’s table and delivered these lines:

Olivia: “I wanted to say that I’m sorry…I can’t take your advice you gave me earlier about Natalia…the one who can’t control her own situations. Because she came into my office today and she handed me her letter of resignation.”

I thought this tactic was downright brilliant of Olivia. While it was Natalia’s decision to resign, I felt Olivia was part of the plot to help resolve people’s image of Natalia. Additionally, I enjoyed how Olivia rendered Frank and Marina speechless towards the end of their exchange. After watching Frank and Marina take turns making Natalia feel worse, I was satisfied Olivia managed to shut them up.

The depressing Otalia week would end with the June 19 episode. The episode started with Olivia and Emma (aka Jellybean) doing a bit of plotting and planning of their own for Rafe’s birthday. As Olivia dropped Emma off for summer camp, they discussed buying him a video game, which is one of Emma and Rafe’s favorite pastimes. I smiled during these particular scenes. After the heavy angst during the Otalia week, I needed some Jellybean on my screen. When Olivia and Emma interact, they often provide fun and smile inducing scenes. I wasn’t disappointed with these particular set of scenes. After tentatively agreeing on the video game to buy Rafe, Olivia explained why there might not be a birthday party. Of course, she explained it by saying “big boys don’t really always want parties.” This is true, but the real reason why there probably wouldn’t be a party is because Rafe is still upset at Natalia. Naturally, Olivia didn’t want to give any indication that there is strife. However, she prepared Emma for the possibility that there wouldn’t be a party and asked that they be extra nice to Rafe. When I heard these words, I wished someone would ask Rafe to be extra nice. I understand he’s upset, but I agreed with Natalia at the end of the June 18 episode. She’s still his mother, and he should show her some respect.

While Olivia was saying goodbye to Emma, Natalia was at the grocery store buying ingredients to bake a birthday cake for Rafe. After accidentally dropping an egg, one of Springfield’s most eligible bachelors, Matt, made his way over to Natalia. I smirked when Matt asked to buy a cup of coffee because I knew what he was up to. Although I didn’t write about it, Matt tried to put the moves on Olivia the week of June 15. Now he was sniffing around Natalia. The poor guy is just clueless that they just aren’t interested in him. As far as he’s aware, they’re single and available, so I can’t knock him for trying. Even though Natalia agreed to Matt’s offer of coffee, he wasn’t about to get any of her sugar.

As Matt walked with Natalia, I realized I was watching something very familiar. He had the same scene with Olivia on the June 12 episode. Guiding Light flipped this scene by putting Natalia in Olivia’s shoes, which I actually found entertaining. When Matt mentioned that his bike “got him around,” I smiled again, especially when Olivia showed up and said, “I’m sure it does.” I knew then that Olivia was aware of Matt’s tricks on Natalia. I watched how Olivia studied Matt before she glanced at Natalia. Olivia then repeated that action again before settling her green gaze on Matt. I detected a bit of jealousy coming from Olivia from the sly look she directed at Matt. My suspicions were confirmed when Olivia told him she would take Natalia’s grocery bag. Her slick “you have fun” response was another one of those indicators. Olivia was definitely jealous, and when she asked Natalia if he was hitting on her, I grinned. Since I have been watching Olivia and Natalia, I have never had any indications of jealousy coming from either one of them. Even when Natalia dated and was engaged to Frank, I never felt Olivia was jealous. Sure, she was envious and in pain but never jealous. Watching Olivia experience jealousy with Natalia for the first time was amusing. It showed another growth point in their relationship, even if they have taken a step back.

When their conversation switched from Matt’s pickup attempts to Rafe’s birthday, the mood definitely changed. Even without Rafe’s actual involvement in this scene, he was able to generate a partial “Frankenclipse.” I watched Natalia’s spirits dampen when she said she didn’t think Rafe would drop by to celebrate his birthday. Olivia noticed that the brief spark of sunshine in Natalia had darkened when discussing Rafe, and she asked Natalia if she would be okay. When Natalia answered with a sad yet unsure nod, I noticed Olivia’s concerned expression as she gazed at Natalia. She was definitely aware that Rafe’s distance from Natalia was having an impact. Olivia was also aware that Rafe’s birthday was bringing Natalia down when it should have been a happy time. It’s why she asked Natalia to “say yes” to her question than just giving her an unsure nod. Even though Natalia managed to smile before saying goodbye, it didn’t fool Olivia. As she let out a long sigh, I felt Olivia could have used an impromptu martini break.

Later at the farmhouse, Natalia was alone and finishing her work on Rafe’s birthday cake. Even though Rafe was definitely not on my favorite person’s list this week, I was glad he showed up to see Natalia. Frank – another person not on my favorite person’s list – managed to make Rafe see that birthdays are about the parents, too. I admit I was grateful to Frank for imparting that bit of advice, and I was glad Rafe listened. When Natalia looked at Rafe, I think she was measuring his demeanor to determine if he might bring more “Rafertude.” When he smiled, Natalia smiled, and I felt she was glad he wasn’t going to be difficult…at least for this special moment. Rafe sat down to join her in icing his cake, and I felt a bit happier for Natalia because his gesture made her day better. Like Olivia, I don’t like to see Natalia sad, and Rafe’s small step forward made a difference to Natalia.

As Rafe and Natalia talked, their discussion drifted to the rift between them. They were able to have a civilized, calm conversation about her love for Olivia and their religious beliefs. Their talk was not in-depth, but at least Rafe was able to get through the discussion without getting upset. His mood was down, yet he appeared to be getting over his shock and anger bit by bit. Natalia told him she would like to explain where she stood on loving Olivia vs. her religious believes, but she didn’t push him. It was Rafe’s birthday, and she was just happy to share it with him. I suspected Rafe showing up to celebrate his birthday meant a lot to Natalia, and these words confirmed what I believed:

Natalia: “Cause you’re not just my son. You’ve been my best friend for half my life…and I miss you.”

These lines were the most touching in these scenes. Natalia spoke them in a soft, gentle, and slightly heart aching way. Her sincere yet sad facial expression was the perfect compliment. Those words and that look obviously affected Rafe because he confirmed he missed her too before giving Natalia the hug she sorely needed. Unfortunately, the temporary truce between Natalia and Rafe ended as soon as she suggested they have dinner with Olivia. Rafe cut things short and left the farmhouse, leaving Natalia all alone again.

On the other side of Springfield, Olivia and Frank had an accidental run in while looking for a birthday card for Rafe. I found it interesting that they both reached for the same type of birthday card at the same time. To me, it was a symbolic indicator of these things:

• They both have great taste in the same woman – Natalia, of course.
• They both equally care about Rafe and his well being.
• They both could be key factors in Rafe’s life once Natalia is out of the picture (due to Jessica Leccia’s one-month maternity leave).
• They might actually become friends again; Frank isn’t so rude and mean to Olivia anymore.

I also found it surprising that Frank actually said hello to Olivia, and she was just as surprised as I was. After a brief discussion where Frank avoiding looking at her, they reached for the same birthday card at the same time yet again. They then both suggested the other buy the card and said so at the same time. Frank glanced at Olivia for the first time before looking away, and she glanced at him right afterwards before looking away. I smiled at this scene because I had one of those light bulb moments that I never saw until this episode. In some regards, Olivia and Frank think similarly and convey things that Natalia loves. Here are some of those similar qualities between Olivia and Frank:

1. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both do anything for Natalia, no questions asked. Even though Frank is hurt and still upset with Natalia right now, he is helping her by taking in Rafe and keeping an eye on him. Of course, Olivia has done numerous things to help Natalia – getting her money back from the hedge fund disaster, moving into the farmhouse to help Natalia pay the mortgage, and offering Rafe a job.

2. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both defend Natalia against anyone who tries to hurt her. Frank went after Doris and ended up fighting with her bodyguards when he thought she was defaming Natalia’s character. Olivia went after Doris when she thought Doris was using the “My Two Mommies” presentation to hurt Natalia.

3. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both are good people. Natalia (and Olivia) often referred to Frank as a “good man.” Even though she didn’t say that about Olivia until recently, Natalia knew that Olivia was a good person, too. Again, Olivia expressed her goodness in actions, not words, and Natalia knew that.

4. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both look out for Natalia’s best interests. Even Father Ray pointed that out in the April 14, 2009 episode when Frank and Natalia went through pre-marital counseling.

There are other similar qualities, but some of these things explain why Natalia loved Olivia and Frank. Of course, the difference is that she was in love with Olivia, and she loved Frank simply as a friend. In a strange way, Olivia and Frank are two opposite heads on the same coin in the similar qualities they share. Oddly enough, Natalia kept flipping that coin in the air, and it kept landing on Olivia’s side.

Frank offered Olivia some advice on a birthday gift – by giving Natalia and Rafe time and space. I sighed at this because this was Olivia’s intention on the June 2, 2009 episode. Granted, the “I can’t stay away from the force of your gravitational pull” effect got the better of Olivia, but she has been trying.

Later, Olivia picked up Emma from summer camp and headed to the farmhouse. They found Natalia sitting alone and filled with melancholy in the kitchen. I felt Olivia was taking a bit of Frank’s advice (as well as her own) when she wanted to drop the gift off and leave. However, she also started to pick up the gloomy vibes Natalia was expressing. I could see the concern again in Olivia’s face as she studied Natalia. I felt that Olivia was torn between giving Natalia space and staying to offer her support. It’s why she asked Natalia what she wanted her and Emma to do. Natalia managed to perk up a bit when she asked them to stay and enjoy the food she’d prepared.

I managed to crack a huge, unexpected smile during the next scenes. Olivia and Natalia were standing over the kitchen sink with their backs to Emma, and Emma was trying to sneak some cake. I found myself laughing when Olivia stopped her without turning around. Emma asked how Olivia knew what she was up to, and Olivia told her she has eyes in the back of her head. This was such a classic mother and child interaction that was so realistic. I had similar experiences with my mother and my maternal grandmother when I was a little kid. It was a nice throwback to my own childhood, and it definitely made me laugh. I appreciated the Guiding Light for adding a simple, short yet meaningful scene in the midst of the sadness. I had a lighthearted moment to lift me up (temporarily) in the midst of the heavy Otalia angst and I enjoyed it.

I had a feeling Emma and Olivia’s interaction lifted Natalia’s spirits. She went along with Emma’s suggestion to add candles on Rafe’s cake. As all three of them sat at the table, I felt happiness and sadness at the same time. I was happy that Natalia, Olivia, and Emma were smiling as they added the candles. I was sad because I wish Rafe had been there to share the moment with them. He is truly missing out on a beautiful family experience, but I understand Rafe’s need for space.

Even though Rafe managed to annoy me in the June 15 episode, I ended up feeling sorry for him by the end of the June 19 episode. As he walked the baseball field and sunk down to the ground, I could feel his loneliness. He was clearly missing being with Natalia to celebrate his birthday, but stubbornness, confusion, and pain was keeping him from going home. Rafe needed and wanted space, and he definitely had plenty of it. I am sure his time alone will give him a bit more clarity. I hope he can soon talk to Natalia and see where she stands on Olivia vs. her religious beliefs. Even though Father Ray didn’t understand, I have faith that Rafe will see why Natalia is “testing all things and holding fast to that which is good” in Olivia Spencer.

I have to acknowledge the wonderful performances in this week’s Guiding Light episodes. One of my favorite scenes involved Crystal Chappell (Olivia) and Frank Dicopoulos (Frank Cooper) when they were trying pick out the birthday card on the June 19 episode. The other involved E.J. Bonilla (Rafe) and Jessica Leccia (Natalia) on the June 15 episode. As painful as it was to my “big purple heart,” I loved everything about the scenes where the Rafe was trying to convince Natalia that her feelings for Olivia weren’t real. I am not that familiar with E.J. Bonilla’s work on Guiding Light, and what I’ve seen has been restricted to fall 2008 up to June 19, 2009. I can say that beyond any doubt, his scenes with Jessica Leccia on the June 15 episode were fantastic. Bonilla and Leccia brought out something magical in each other for this episode, and I was blown away by it. I just truly appreciated and loved both of their performances. Those particular scenes made me sad and frustrated that Guiding Light is canceled. I am watching the actors give their all every week, and I wish another network would open their eyes to this amazing show. It’s a treasure.

I would love to take a moment and shower Jessica Leccia with “happy fun times cookie kudos” after this week’s episodes. Watching her is truly an engaging experience that just thrills me. She just continues to impress me with her portrayal of Natalia. Not only am I watching Natalia Rivera grow, but I’m also watching Jessica grow as an actress. I love to watch actors/actresses blossom, and I clearly see that in her performances every week. It’s just astounding. As usual, Jessica continues to kill me “DED” with the facial expressions she conveys. However, I’m also paying closer attention to and enjoying how she expresses emotions in the tone of voice. There is a reason why Jessica Leccia is on my favorite daytime actress list, and this week in particular reminded me why. Once again, I would like to thank Jessica for giving me the definition of beauty with her acting.

To the Guiding Light, I would like to say that as every day draws closer to September 18, 2009, I grow more saddened. I see the hard work the cast, the crew, the writers, and everyone involved in this show is doing. I see a show that is artful and amazing. I see a show that I love so much that it’s become heartbreaking to watch the past two weeks. I have been upset over the cancellation of other shows I watched. However, Guiding Light’s cancellation hits close to my heart unlike any other show. It almost feels like I’m watching a family member slowly die and I can do nothing to stop it (even though I’m still trying). The networks really need to open their eyes and see what I and millions of other fans can see. Guiding Light is TV’s oldest running program, yet it’s actually more progressive than newer programs. How can you let an institution like Guiding Light die? To the networks out there, open your eyes and behold the beautiful light that shines from the Guiding Light. Give this show a chance.

Special Announcements

I normally complete my Otalia posts on Saturdays, but last week and this week, I didn’t post them to my web site until Sunday. If you’ve been reading my Otalia posts since April 20, 2009, I’m sure you have noticed that they grow longer in length. I continue to stretch myself writing about Otalia, and I am always experimenting in how I write about them each week.

As I’m sure you see every week, I love to tie in current week’s footage with past footage. As a result, I have to go back and analyze the past footage as well. While many of the past Otalia scenes I discuss are imprinted in my head, I go back to watch them again. I verify I have the month and date correct in my posts. This task is taking more and more time to do each week, which explains why my publishing deadline is slipping. Therefore, I wanted to let you know there is a good possibility I will not finish my Otalia posts until Sunday some weeks. I will continue to aim for Saturdays, but it might not be possible at this point. The Otalia scenes are extremely layered, and I honestly can go off into another direction for pages (and pages) if I didn’t stop myself. Plus, I have to get some sort of sleep. I think I’ve slept maybe eight hours from Friday-Sunday. I like to write these posts in one straight, all night writing sessions. However, due to growing page length and the amount of footage I’m analyzing now, I might have to adjust my Otalia writing method. I just wanted to let you know that if you come to my site and don’t see the Otalia post, it’s not because I’ve given up. It’s because I’m still working on it. The best way to track my progress is through my Twitter profile. You can follow me (if you want to) via my Twitter alias, The Hive Mind: http://www.twitter.com/thehivemind.

By the way, I haven’t forgotten about the Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition post. I had to take last week off from writing it. I will provide an update on its status this upcoming week.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

The week of June 8 provided a four-day Otalia week filled with spectacular highs and new twists. While the Otalia rollercoaster has been on level track, the story zoomed through new yet thrilling loops that left me stunned, dazed, and amazed by the time this week’s ride ended.

The June 9 episode started with Natalia fulfilling her promise by spending more quality time with her son, Rafe. Natalia planned a day of volunteering at her church – as head of the cookie committee – along with Rafe. When she went up to his room to see if he was ready to leave, Natalia found Rafe still sleeping until she awakened him. Granted, Rafe woke up with a bit of his “Raftertude,” but I actually considered his response with Natalia normal. I can recall not being in the best of moods when my mother woke me up for school as a kid. I sometimes had a bit of my own “Rafertude” since I am not a morning person; maybe Rafe isn’t either. Additionally, he had to abide by prison rules by being “ordered” to sleep and wake up at a certain time, so he was probably enjoying sleeping by “Rafe’s rules” instead.

When I watched Natalia urge Rafe to get up and get his day started, I felt like I was watching another normal mother/son interaction. Despite Natalia’s attempt to get Rafe involved in normal yet helpful activities, he wasn’t too keen on the idea. Rafe felt that she didn’t need him to a part of the cookie committee but Natalia did. I saw this effort was a way for Natalia to spend quality time with Rafe by helping him adjust and feel better about himself. I agreed with Natalia’s assessment that the best way to take your mind off your own problems is to serve the community. Volunteering their time to escape from their problems was something they both needed but for different reasons. I would notice that volunteering, as escapism, would be a theme for the June 9 episode. After Natalia urged Rafe once more to help her, his “Rafertude” evolved into a temper tantrum – complete with a child-like response of kicking the bed covers. Instead of getting upset at Rafe, I was actually laughing at this scene. Natalia refused to let his temper tantrum deter her goal of getting him ready and going with her to the church. Her sunny response of “Let’s go” as she pulled the covers away and left Rafe’s room made me laugh again with encouragement. Natalia was not about to give up helping Rafe like she promised. This particular scene reminded me of the October 6, 2008 episode when Natalia found Olivia sleeping in a room (other than her own) at the Beacon. In the October 6, 2008 episode, Olivia conveyed a bit of her own “Rafertude” towards Natalia once she was awakened. Just like Natalia was trying to help Rafe in the June 9 episode, she helped Olivia by saving her skin with Decker, Olivia’s boss with Galaxy Hotels.

As Natalia and Rafe got their day’s started, Olivia was getting her day started by dropping into Company for breakfast. While Olivia only asked for latte and a toasted apple butter muffin, she got an unexpected side order of sexual innuendo from Josh Lewis.

Josh: “Lynn, bring Olivia’s muffin over here.”Olivia: “You get your own muffin.”Josh: “I’m not interested in your muffin at the moment. I just want some company.”

Although I wasn’t watching Guiding Light at the time, I’m aware that Josh and Olivia were married to each other. Whenever I see them interact, I always notice their chemistry. This time was no different when I watched them chat about their love lives. When watching them together, I also found myself smiling after Olivia used the exact same words I’ve used in describing her relationship with Natalia; it’s in a holding pattern. Of course, Josh is unaware of the person Olivia is dating, but his reaction seemed a bit surprised yet pleased. I’m aware Josh would like nothing more than to “fill Olivia’s time” with some of his handy “clock making skills,” but he’s in love with Reva, something Olivia noted during their conversation. Although Olivia is in love with Natalia, Josh’s sexual innuendo about looking for a way to fill her time made her pause. I felt like I could read her thoughts as she faced unexpected sexual temptation and remembered that she had needs. While Olivia has displayed longing and desire for Natalia the past couple of months, I felt Josh reminded her that she really has been celibate for far too long. When she told Josh to keep his hands off her muffin (and made me laugh aloud in the process), I felt Olivia was telling him to stand down yet in a flirty way. Despite being reminded of urges, Olivia was focusing on keeping a clear head and working to keep the “horny monster” from invading her body. After all, she dealt with the “fear monster” over possibly losing Natalia the week of June 1 and didn’t need any other complications. As I would later see, Olivia’s battle with the “horny monster” was far from over, and her strength and resolve would be tested in multiple ways.

As Olivia ate breakfast and she and Josh discussed their love lives, I saw some of the “old Olivia” resurface. I think Josh’s sexual innuendo pulled out the flirty side of Olivia, and once it came out, it couldn’t be stuffed back down so easily. Olivia’s flirtation with Josh didn’t bother or worry me when I watched these scenes. In fact, I felt this was subtle testing on Olivia’s part to prove she still has “it” when it comes to men. The March 26, 2009 episode where she talked with Doris Wolfe about her sexual power over men comes to mind. In addition, while she is in love with Natalia, I think Olivia is still attracted to men – namely Josh. Since Olivia became aware of her feelings and attraction to Natalia, I have watched her turn on the flirting with other men along the way. However, I felt that Olivia was forcing herself to flirt with those men to disprove and dissipate her feelings for Natalia. She always backed down on the flirting when reality hit her, and she realized she couldn’t betray herself and disregard feelings for Natalia. With Josh, I believe it’s a bit different because of their history together. She doesn’t have to force the attraction; it’s already been established. Nevertheless, Olivia stayed true to form since she fell in love with Natalia. Yes, she flirted with Josh, but she also started to ease her foot off the flirting gas pedal. I could see that Olivia was thinking about Natalia after Josh’s comment about “volunteering for a service project.” I watched as Olivia put on the brakes after she agreed with Josh that helping was good. Obviously, Josh was aiming for a round of meaningless sex with Olivia, but she wasn’t going for it. Her mind was already focused on Natalia and finding her way back (mentally and physically) to the person she loves. I could hear the distraction in her voice as she spoke with Josh and left him alone and grinning after her at Company.

On the other side of Springfield, Natalia and Rafe started preparing for their day of volunteering at the church. Rafe exhibited more child-like yet amusing behavior when interacting with Natalia outside the church. I found myself adoring Natalia more than I thought was already possible as she turned on the Mary Poppins sunshine and charm with her son. After listening to every sourpuss response by Rafe, Natalia would fire back with more sunshine and dimples…up until the last exchange. I felt she became a tad bit disheartened by Rafe’s attitude. While he wasn’t in full-blown “Rafertude” mode, he was definitely not into “happy fun times cookie day.” I wasn’t upset at Rafe’s attitude because I actually understood where he was coming from. Once again, I found his responses to Natalia normal, even if it did dishearten me a bit when I watched these scenes the first time. However, when I re-watched these scenes, I looked at things from his point of view. Not many young people Rafe’s age would be enthusiastic about spending the day baking cookies and volunteering when they could do be doing something else. I know I wouldn’t have been when I was his age, so I understood his position once I got inside his head. Still, I was hoping Rafe would lighten up just a bit and help Natalia at the church. When he wiggled his way out of volunteering, I could see the worry and disappointment in Natalia’s expression as she watched him leave. My heart ached a bit for Natalia because she is trying so hard and giving everything she has to help her son. Rafe just isn’t reciprocating and being receptive to her outreach. I still feel he should be basking in Natalia’s attention. When Rafe was in prison, he couldn’t have her attention or her time the way he can now. Again, I’m looking at this from personal experience in knowing people who have been to prison and adjusting afterwards. They enjoy the family time after being denied it while incarcerated.

While Rafe ran off to talk and play catch with Mallet, Natalia was at church, setting up for a day of intense cookie baking. Unfortunately, Rafe wasn’t the only one who bailed on her, but it seemed like everyone else on the cookie committee did the same. As I watched Natalia forge ahead anyway, I felt a bit sad, yet I also felt deep admiration for her. She’s such a naturally good person who doesn’t let any obstacles stop her. Natalia often had to deal with issues alone as a single parent, so she is accustomed to handling challenges or problems by herself. Granted, this issue just involved baking 50 dozen cookies, but it provided me with a subtle representation of her inner character. I’ve always known these things about Natalia, but for some reason, I saw that more than ever during this scene. Once again, Natalia managed to endear herself to me, but she wasn’t the only one. Olivia did the same when she showed up at the church.

I had a feeling that Josh’s suggestion to do volunteer work would lead Olivia to Natalia. I could see and hear the extreme, unexpected joy in Natalia when she spotted Olivia. Her smile for Olivia made me smile, and it instantly lifted any sadness I felt about Natalia being alone in her cookie baking challenge. To put the sprinkles on the cookies, Olivia brought Emma (aka Jellybean) to help, which made this scene perfect for me.

As the three started baking, I found myself grinning again but for a different reason. Based on my research, I discovered that Olivia is an amazing cook. I’m also aware that Natalia makes a “mean chicken and rice dish and lasagna to die for” (see the February 5, 2009 episode), but it’s almost as if cooking doesn’t exist for Olivia anymore with Natalia around. Therefore, when I watched Olivia actually prepare food, I was glad to see the writers incorporating a bit of her hidden talents in the kitchen. I also found the idea of Olivia baking satisfying in a simple way because I remembered something from two 2008 Guiding Light episodes. The December 19, 2008 and December 22, 2008 episodes in particular showed Olivia and Natalia’s opposite viewpoints on cookie preparation. In the December 19, 2008 episode, Olivia scoffed at Natalia wanting to put in the work of baking cookies when they could be delivered from Towers. In the December 22, 2008 episode, Olivia had Christmas cookies for Emma delivered. Natalia wanted to bake them, along with Emma’s help.

While I’m on the topic of cookie preparation, I noticed four other interesting morsels.

Cookie Preparation 101 Course

When they were trying to decide which type of cookies to bake, Emma declared that peanut butter cookies were her preference. This was another scene, which had me grinning. It was a clear throwback to the peanut butter sweetness between Olivia and Natalia in the April 30, 2009 episode.

Cookie Preparation 102 Course

The second thing I noticed was Olivia’s admission that she enjoyed “baking cookies” with Natalia. As I watched Olivia willingly bake in the June 9 episode, it gave me another indicator how Natalia has changed her. Only her love for Natalia would have her donning an apron and having fun preparing 50 dozen cookies without complaining.

Cookie Preparation 103 Course

I realized that being with Natalia seemed to alleviate the “horny monster” Olivia felt around Josh. This would not be the first instance of Olivia gravitating towards Natalia’s calming sphere. I would see later on that Olivia would seek out Natalia again when the “horny monster” returned.

Cookie Preparation 104 Course

While preparing cookies, I spotted more couple-like moments between Natalia and Olivia. I noticed that Olivia popped a chocolate chip into Natalia’s mouth in one scene. In another scene, Olivia took a bite of a snicker doodle cookie and shared it with Natalia (then Emma). In both instances, Natalia was completely at ease and showed me that her progress in being with Olivia (as a romantic partner) was still intact. I also enjoyed the teasing between Olivia and Natalia about their baking efforts. When Olivia made her comment about Natalia sneaking the chocolate chips out of the bag, I thought Natalia’s facial expression was priceless. She definitely had that “busted” look in her eyes, even as she finished munching on another chocolate chip. As for Natalia, she noticed and teased Olivia about sneaking cookie dough. It was heartwarming to watch this interaction between Olivia and Natalia. They both made each other aware that they’re watching one another when they don’t think the other is watching, and Emma’s involvement in the fun banter made it more pleasant. Their couple-like behavior was dialed down with Rafe’s return home, and it was nice to soak in these simple yet meaningful moments.

What made the baking scenes even better was watching Rafe come to his senses and join in on the fun. It was nice to see Emma’s enthusiastic response to Rafe as she ran into his arms, and I was thrilled to watch Rafe receive her enthusiasm in a normal way. After the flare up between Emma and Rafe, I was happy to see Emma react this way to his appearance. This scene reinforced that they view each other as siblings. They argue, get over it, and move on. As Rafe carried Emma in his arms to help with the baking, I could see the joyful smiles from Natalia and Olivia. The look Natalia and Olivia gave each other expressed their happiness that Rafe was trying. I could almost sense some hope in their smiles that soon, they wouldn’t have to stay in the holding pattern. As Natalia indicated, Rafe didn’t stay long, but I agreed with Olivia that his showing up was progress. Any bit of progress in watching Rafe adjust is a good thing, and he seemed friendly enough with Emma and Olivia.

With the cookie baking initiative behind them, the June 10 episode started with Olivia making a phone call to Natalia. As I watched this scene, I realized that Olivia and Natalia seem to play phone tag in the most wonderful way. I have noticed a few other scenes where they have left each other voice messages over the past several weeks. Each phone scene is loving, and it shows how much they miss each other when separated. This scene provided another real life moment involving the “love bird” phase, and they are doing the things people do at the beginning stage of a relationship. I also immediately noticed that Olivia was wearing a purple bathrobe, which was a direct shout out to Otalia fans. As a fan, I appreciated this touch by the wardrobe department, and it made me smile because it was an acknowledgement to the Otalia fans.

While Olivia was glowing with love at the Beacon, Natalia and Rafe were meeting with his parole officer. The stark contrast between Natalia and Rafe’s manner on him being home became completely clear to me within moments. Natalia was a lot more optimistic, bubbly, and conversational with the parole officer. Rafe was pessimistic, disinterested, and short when responding to the parole officer’s questions. When I read his body language, it indicated to me that he did not want to be there. I could understand Rafe being a bit uneasy around anyone related to the prison system in particular. However, I found it interesting that Rafe was allowing Natalia to do the talking for him. He has claimed he wants to be a man, but he reverted to child-like behavior (for the second time) by letting Natalia take the lead. When I watched this scene and listened to Natalia describe Rafe’s progress, I felt like this was her parole meeting, not Rafe’s. I understand that Natalia was trying to help, and it seemed like she took on the responsibility of reporting his progress because Rafe wasn’t about to expand on upon it. Honestly, I’m glad she was there to step up to the plate. Mentally, Rafe was everywhere else other than the meeting with his parole officer, and he could have struck out had it not been for Natalia.

When the parole officer finished listening to Natalia’s status report, he reiterated that Rafe’s parole mandated employment. I immediately thought about the two job offers Olivia gave him, and I feel like Natalia was thinking the same as she nodded and glanced at Rafe. After the meeting, I was glad Natalia addressed Rafe’s behavior and told him he needed to put on a good front. Clearly, Rafe was still in pessimistic mode about his life, and he felt that Natalia trying to make him see the good in himself wasn’t going to change things. I thought his responses to Natalia were actually genuine. Newly released ex-cons do go through this mindset, especially if they’re trying and getting doors slammed in their faces. Of course, Rafe tried to become a cop and had his dream crushed. While I haven’t seen him pursuing other jobs, I am under the assumption that he has been trying and being turned down. Despite his attitude, I loved how Natalia refused to believe that Rafe’s view of himself is the real him. She isn’t being naïve either. She has faith in her son, and I can see that she wishes Rafe had more faith in himself.

At Company, Olivia stopped in for another cup of coffee. She ran into Blake Marler who was consumed in a romance novel to the point of breathlessness. After she managed to tear herself away from the story, Blake suggested that Olivia read the book. Olivia’s response of “uh, no I shouldn’t” when she saw the cover made me aware that the “horny monster” was returning. The expression on Olivia’s face showed me that she really didn’t need a reminder about her celibate state. However, it was too late since I could see Blake’s innocent suggestion had refocused her mind on the sex track.

When Blake asked how Olivia was doing, I realized this is the second time someone noticed that Olivia was not herself. I felt Josh knew it early in his discussion with her (in the June 9 episode), and he definitely knew she was not herself after she rebuffed his sexual innuendo and proposition. Blake realized it after their discussion about the romance novel from the way she looked at Olivia. I felt that Olivia was trying to hide what she was feeling from Blake, which is why she turned away to sweeten her coffee. As she turned away from Blake, Olivia glanced at but didn’t acknowledge Frank Cooper, and he did the same. While I feel that Frank’s attitude towards Olivia has softened, he still isn’t ready to be friendly with her like he was several months ago. When Blake expressed concern about Olivia with Frank, I felt that his changing of the subject was a normal reaction. He wouldn’t want to talk about Olivia considering they’re in love with the same person, and Olivia is the reason why he’s not married to Natalia. I would rather Frank change the conversation than say something negative about Olivia. For me, Frank is slowly redeeming himself in my eyes, and I see him becoming a character I could like again.

As Olivia got ready to leave, she ran into a bit of car trouble and popped the hood. Josh happened to be in the area and decided to check out the trouble Olivia is having with her car. Josh also decides to make trouble yet again by going for another round of sexual innuendo with Olivia and cranking up the heat.

Josh: “Hi there.” Olivia: “Hi.” Josh: “You need some help?” Olivia: “I need something.”

This was the beginning of an Olivia’s celibacy breakdown while driving on the Natalia Rivera Expressway. I heard the breathlessness in Olivia’s voice as well as the need build up inside of her.

Josh: “What seems to be the problem?” Olivia: “I don’t know. I don’t know. Uh, I don’t even know why I opened the hood. Isn’t that what you do when a car won’t start?”

During this exchange, the “horny monster” had begun another invasion inside of Olivia’s body. I watched how she moved slightly away when Josh was checking out her car. While he was only reaching for the hood support rod, I felt Olivia didn’t want any contact with Josh in case she combusted.

Of course, there was tons of double entendre in their words. Josh was propositioning Olivia again while trying to fix her car. She was trying to resist it when she said, “I don’t even know why I opened the hood.” Olivia had allowed the “horny monster” to rise to the surface after keeping it trapped inside. I think she was wishing she’d never run across Blake or Josh in that instant. However, I also felt she was letting him know that her needs were consuming her when she said, “Isn’t that what you do when a car won’t start?” I felt this was Olivia being her old self by being flirty again. Yet, I also realized that her needs had begun to cloud her mind, and I felt the sexual frustration had started to take control over her words and behavior with Josh. I felt that her body (and only her body) was responding to Josh’s appeal and sexual innuendo. Her mind hadn’t caught up to the warning signals yet.

Josh: “Would you like me to take a look? I mean, I fixed a stroller yesterday. Maybe I’m on a roll.” Olivia: “How about it? It’s all yours.”

At this point, the “horny monster” inside of Olivia was breaking her down to a point where she wanted to pull off the Natalia Rivera Expressway to the nearest rest stop. This time when Josh inspected what was underneath the hood, I could see that Olivia didn’t move away from his nearness. In fact, I felt like she was in an intense battle with her needs from the sexual frustration on her face. I had a moment where I felt like Olivia wanted to pull Josh down to the cement and have her way with him to get sex off her brain…at least for a little while. However, she managed to win this battle and held on to her control by a thin string.

Josh: “Looks like the battery cables are loose…Now, maybe if jiggle it, just a little bit, we can establish some…contact.”

At this point, Josh broke Olivia’s thin self-control string. I could see it in her aggravated yet slightly bouncy body language. Sexual frustration had won, and she surrendered when Josh swooped in for a kiss. However, Olivia didn’t react with the heat and fire like I expected when kissing Josh. I expected more hunger yet was relieved that she didn’t exhibit it. I realized that while she surrendered and enjoyed the kiss, I felt Olivia’s brain was catching up with her body the moment he kissed her. This is probably why she didn’t kiss him as hungrily as I thought she might. Even though Olivia was in danger of hydroplaning on the Natalia Rivera Expressway, she stepped on the brakes at the right moment and steadied herself on the road. Her love for Natalia once again made her realize what she was doing was not right. It took her a moment to resurface but she did it.

When Josh went in for another pass at her lips, Olivia was in control of her body at this point. Josh’s witty remark that “it wasn’t me, it’s you” made me laugh right along with Olivia. He was definitely right about that. This scene was funny, but it also made me proud of Olivia for not derailing her relationship with Natalia by going further with Josh. Granted, she kissed him back and enjoyed it. What she did is also considered cheating in some people’s book. I normally would view Olivia’s behavior with Josh as cheating, but for some reason, I don’t quite see it that way. I really believe two things made her respond and give into sexual frustration: 1) her previous history and chemistry with Josh and 2) her long celibate state. Her celibacy, sexual awareness of Natalia (especially her innocence), and the holding pattern in her relationship mostly explained why she found herself in a bit of trouble with Josh. I wrote in my “hanging on the ledge edition” that I worried about Josh becoming a possible obstacle between Olivia and Natalia. As I watched their interaction, I never found myself worrying she would go too far or gravitate back towards her ex-husband. I would have had heard alarm bells going off inside of me if Otalia weren’t so far down the path as a couple. I am so confident in Olivia’s love for Natalia and their relationship that this was just a minor blip on my radar. The only concern I had in this encounter with Josh is that Olivia needed to talk about sex with Natalia. As I would find out later, sex and Natalia would grow into a bigger issue for Olivia.

To help relieve her excess sexual energy, Olivia resorted to yoga when she returned to the Beacon. Unfortunately, her method of relaxation wasn’t working like she’d hoped. I had another laugh out loud moment during the yoga scenes in particular. I watched as Olivia floundered around on the floor in the child’s pose and pleaded with herself – in a downright frustrated voice – to relax. Once again, the “horny monster” resurfaced with a vengeance, just when she seemed to control it earlier. The upward facing dog pose along with the yoga master’s unintended sexual innuendo pushed her to the brink again. I could read the expression on Olivia’s face as need masked her face and consumed her body. I felt she wanted nothing more than to “relax, relate, and release” at that moment. Olivia said aloud what I already knew; yoga wasn’t working. As she scrambled up from the floor and put on her shoes, I felt that Olivia was on a mission when she left her room. I would later discover that her journey led her to the most unexpected of places.

As Olivia stormed off to her secret rendezvous, Natalia was on her own mission – one that involved searching for Rafe. He disappeared after storming away from Natalia when his parole meeting concluded. She had been looking for him since their disagreement, even enlisting Frank’s help. After searching for Rafe at Company, the store, and Gus’ grave, I could see the escalating worry on Natalia’s face. When she called Rafe and left a message for him to let her know he was all right, I could understand Natalia’s irritation. He isn’t returning her calls, and she is worried that he might fall into trouble, which could send him back to prison. Again, I’m going to go with real life experience here by saying Natalia’s frantic searching and repeated phone calls are very normal. She isn’t just being a worrying mother, but what she was feeling is something others in her position experienced.  As I have indicated, I know people who have been in prison. Those individuals’ loved ones also expressed the same worry, fear, and anger Natalia felt. There were times when those individuals went off the reservation and were unreachable when they first got home. I recall some of those loved ones doing the same thing Natalia did when Rafe disappeared. Therefore, I understand where Natalia is coming from. She isn’t just being too clingy in her search for Rafe. Fortunately, her son wasn’t getting in too much trouble. He was only trying to buy a beer at the bar before Frank blocked his efforts.

Natalia finally caught up with Rafe at the bar where she found him drinking (a soda) with Frank. As she overheard his conversation with Frank, I think she started to understand some of the things Rafe has been experiencing. I believe Natalia realized she would have to go with a different approach in relating to Rafe. I just didn’t expect that approach to involve her pulling up to the bar stool and ordering a beer. Natalia relating to Rafe in a friend-like manner rather than a mother-like manner provided me with an unexpected yet pleasing revelation. When I see Natalia drink, it’s usually a glass of wine. I didn’t know she had it in her to try and drink like Olivia Spencer would. Nor did I expect her to let her hair down and kick back in the way she talked about hanging out. I haven’t seen a side like this from Natalia before, and I have to admit that I enjoyed it immensely. I have only seen her behave in a similar yet far more dialed-down way in the March 3, 2009 episode after swindling Jeffery and Josh in a pool game. Naturally, Rafe didn’t feel that Natalia would fit in at the bar, but she showed him that she could hang with the boys. I had to laugh aloud again when Natalia asked the bartender for a shot. Her sunny disposition – complete with a dimpled smile – as she asked for a shot made me feel like I was in an alternate universe. The idea of Natalia drinking shots in a normal world doesn’t exist, but in the alternate universe, it did…and I loved it. She just needs Olivia to teach her how to consume her liquor properly and she’ll be just fine. It seemed that Natalia’s willingness to “hang” impressed Rafe and Frank. I feel like they were both looking at her with new eyes, especially when she suggested a pool game.

After watching the bar scenes, my admiration and love for the Natalia character deepened. She just refuses to quit with Rafe, and she kept trying until she found the right angle to relate to him. Natalia has the most loving heart I’ve ever seen in a soap opera character. After all, she did give her dead husband’s heart to the woman who tried to steal him away from her. Natalia’s strength and resilience is something that is encouraging to anyone who encounters her, and in real life, her take on life is inspiring to me.

While Natalia was knocking down drinks down at the bar with Frank and Rafe and playing pool, I discovered the location of Olivia’s destination – a sexy lingerie and toy store. When I realized where Olivia was and the um…pleasure item she was purchasing, you could have knocked me over with a feather…thrice! This scenario was the absolute last thing I expected to see, especially on TV’s longest running program at that. At that moment, I realized that I loved Guiding Light even more for being brave enough to go where I don’t recall any other soap has gone before. The idea of Olivia purchasing a pleasure item to ease her frustration was absolutely, 100% realistic. She doesn’t want to cheat on Natalia with a man, yet she has no idea if they would ever become sexually intimate. On the other hand, Olivia has to do something to relieve her frustration, so this option is completely understandable.

Surprisingly, Olivia seemed a bit self-conscious when she started to pick out her pleasure item. I think she felt that way primarily because of her reputation as a sex vixen. If she wanted to, Olivia could have a man at the snap of her manicured fingers to ease her frustration. I felt Olivia’s self-consciousness was coming from a place where she worried about her reputation and felt concern about maintaining her “sex vixen cred.” She doesn’t want anyone to know that she needs a pleasure item for…pleasure. Unfortunately for Olivia, Blake busted her.

Olivia’s startled reaction to Blake unsettled her for a second because I’m sure she didn’t expect to run into someone she knew. Her natural denial towards Blake and insistence that she was only reading the box was an understandable reaction yet a funny one for me. However, Blake was understanding and tried to ease Olivia’s embarrassment and self-consciousness. As I expected, Olivia tried to deny that she doesn’t need a pleasure item. Even as Blake explained her reasons for having her own item, Olivia still denied that she doesn’t need “this.” Hmmm, I guess that wasn’t quite the case. I noticed Olivia perked up at Blake’s suggestion for the most effective pleasure item. While Olivia said she doesn’t need “this,” she feels like wants “this,” and in the end, she took Blake’s advice and then some.

After becoming unexpected shopping buddies, Olivia and Blake made their way back to the Beacon. As Olivia poured them a glass of wine, I caught a significant, juicy morsel in their conversation. Apparently Olivia didn’t just buy a pleasure item, but she purchased some lingerie, too…and modeled it for Blake. I found this revelation interesting and not just because she modeled lingerie for Blake. Olivia was clearly thinking of the future and enticing Natalia with lingerie. Personally, I feel Olivia doesn’t need the lingerie to entice Natalia. She just needs to turn on the heat with that smoldering gaze and press her inner siren call button. Believe me, if she presses that button, Natalia will come. Nonetheless, it was nice to know Olivia was thinking about killing Natalia “DED” if when the opportunity arose.

Blake and Olivia continued their discussion about whether or not Olivia truly needed a pleasure item. It’s this portion of the conversation between Olivia and Blake that I loved the most. Olivia was still on the fence on her decision to purchase her pleasure item. When Blake mentioned that it saved her from making bad choices, I focused my attention and listening skills because I felt I was going to hear something significant. Olivia admitted that she turned down Josh’s proposition and confessed that he wasn’t what she was looking for. Olivia also confirmed what I suspected – that she hadn’t had sex in well over a year, even prior to Gus’ death. Her explanations as to why she had been celibate – transplant, recovery, etc. – were true. However, despite her urges, I also know that she doesn’t truly want anyone else as a lover but Natalia. It is why Olivia continues to stop herself in the face of every temptation. Blake’s advice provided Olivia with the perfect guidance she needed. Blake’s revelation that she would give up sex just to share one hour with her deceased husband (Ross) was exactly what Olivia needed to hear. I could see the resolve in Olivia’s expression, and I felt she was taking a page from Natalia’s good book by “testing all things and holding fast to that which is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). After offering that advice, I completely forgave Blake for her “purple blocking” appearance at the spa during Natalia and Olivia’s getaway. In fact, I could have hugged her, especially after finishing the June 11 and June 12 episodes.

After Blake left, Olivia downed another glass of liquid courage as she eyed her pleasure item from across the room. When she finally lifted the box in her hands, Olivia realized that she really didn’t need it. She knew exactly what she needed and headed out to seek it.

Despite Olivia’s promise not to return to the farmhouse unless she was invited, two things drove her back:

1. The “I can’t stay away from the force of your gravitational pull” effect between Natalia and Olivia was a lot stronger than I expected. I knew it would bind them together as I wrote last week, but it reeled Olivia back towards Natalia a lot sooner.
2. The need to be around Natalia’s calming nature worked for Olivia the first time when Josh propositioned her. I think she remembered that in conjunction with Blake’s insightful words about Ross.

As they greeted each other, Natalia filled Olivia in on the news about Rafe’s new job. As Natalia stated, Rafe’s job was a step towards progress, which also represented a step that would end the holding pattern in Olivia and Natalia’s relationship. Once again, I am so thankful that Blake came into Olivia’s life when she needed it. Olivia told Natalia that she didn’t want to see their situation as waiting and wanted to cherish their moments. The rewarding smile on Natalia’s face was simply beautiful, and I smiled right along with her.

When they sat down outside to relish in their alone time, the dam of constraint in touching each other and expressing their feelings showed some cracks. I knew it was hard for Olivia to contain herself, but I would later see that it has also been hard for Natalia. I soaked in every tender moment of their conversation on how much they missed being with each other in every way. I was also happy to hear Natalia reiterate to Olivia that she wants private moments with her all the time. When Olivia told her they might have to give up some things to be together, I knew immediately that she was referencing sex as one of those things. Although Olivia didn’t attack the subject in a forthright manner, I felt Natalia understood what she was saying. Natalia responded by saying she wanted all of the things two people in love share. After Natalia uttered those words, I spotted more cracks in the dam of constraint when she reached out to caress Olivia’s face. Natalia’s caress prompted a gentle response by Olivia as she grasped her hand and kissed her palm before holding it in hers. To my surprise, Natalia pulled a move out of Olivia’s playbook by executing “bench scoot 2.0″ and sliding closer to Olivia. When they pressed their foreheads together, I almost felt the first mutual kiss was about to occur. I watched as Olivia stroked her hand down Natalia’s hair and back, and Natalia lifted her hand to cup the side of Olivia’s face. They were positioned perfectly for the first mutual kiss as they gazed at each other. However, I also had a deeper feeling that the mutual kiss wouldn’t come just yet…and it didn’t. Nevertheless, I was far from disappointed, especially after what happened next.

The intensity, desire, and yearning between Olivia and Natalia ramped up in a way previously unseen. As they caressed each other tenderly on the bench, Olivia admitted in a whispered tone just how beautiful she found Natalia. Olivia has told Natalia she was beautiful before but never in that manner. I felt Olivia just couldn’t hold back the desire anymore, and the words were ripped from her heart, just like her confession of love but in a more subtle way. I noticed the low burning flame in Olivia’s eyes had a direct effect on Natalia. I heard how she released a pent up breath before telling Olivia that she makes her feel beautiful when she looks at her in that way. At this moment, I knew they were so totally lost in their world that nothing else existed but them. When Natalia told Olivia she could sit and stare at her forever, I really felt the honesty in her words and knew she found Olivia just as beautiful. As Olivia explained that being close to her was enough, I received a total and complete shocker.

When Olivia told Natalia if sex never happens and that she wouldn’t love her any less, I was completely floored by her admission. I watched how temptation and the “horny monster” grip Olivia the week of June 8 at every turn. I knew she had listened to Blake’s advice, but I was genuinely shocked at how much she listened. The fact that Olivia was able to admit that loving Natalia was more important than sex cemented the fact that this is the love of her life. I knew that, of course, but I’m not sure Olivia knew how deeply Natalia held her heart until this moment. If the love of another person can fundamentally change your behavior and make you strive to be a better person, than there is no doubt that you have found true love. I think Olivia has known that Natalia was her true love deep down inside, but this revelation surfaced to the top for the first time. I think she started to walk the path in knowing Natalia is “the one.” With the admission that being with Natalia in a non-sexual way is something she can live with, there is no question of that fact. Just when I was beginning to process Olivia’s shocking confession, Natalia dropped another surprise on me.

Because I watched Natalia consume herself in guilt after sleeping with Frank, I wondered if sex with Olivia would be an issue. Natalia’s views on sex relate back to her Catholic upbringing and the fact that she became pregnant (out of wedlock) with Rafe when she was 16. From a conversation she had with Olivia on the March 11, 2009 episode, Natalia led me to believe she hasn’t been sexually intimate with anyone other than Gus and Frank. She views sex as a sin if it occurs outside of marriage, and I watched Natalia guilt-trip herself after sleeping with Frank. As a result, I’ve always been a bit concerned how Natalia views a sexual relationship with Olivia. To my infinite relief, she admitted she wants to be intimate with Olivia as a lover. In fact, Natalia almost seemed a bit surprised that Olivia would consider sex as optional in their relationship. Olivia also seemed a bit caught off guard that Natalia wanted that level of intimacy as well. I’m sure she was remembering how awful Natalia felt about sleeping with Frank; however, there were other reasons (namely her love for Olivia) as to Natalia’s guilt. In the end, I think Olivia was relieved she would get to express her love for Natalia in a physical way.

As they continued their discussion, I had to smile as they talked about their fears and non-fears about being sexually intimate. Natalia insisted she wasn’t afraid and then asked Olivia how she felt. Olivia tried to put on the brave front by shaking before nodding her head and admitting she was terrified. I laughed at Natalia’s reversal when she also admitted the truth and shared that she felt the same as Olivia. Natalia’s heartfelt “I love you” and promise to figure things out gave me hope and comfort. Her words also made me realize something else.

Since the Otalia love confession, I continue to notice that Natalia expresses her love verbally for Olivia far more than Olivia does for Natalia. I feel there is a reason for that. As I have stated before, Olivia wears her emotions on her sleeve when it comes to Natalia. She has done so for months, which is why Natalia knew Olivia loved her long before she confessed the words. I think Olivia doesn’t need to say how much she loves Natalia because it’s so incredibly expressive in her non-verbal communication. Because Natalia kept her emotions for Olivia largely sealed in a basement, it is different with her. I think Natalia expresses that love verbally to Olivia because she is introverted and made it hard for Olivia (and fans) to decipher her feelings. Therefore, I think Natalia feels the need to tell Olivia every chance she gets. I confess it would be nice to hear Olivia express her love a bit more verbally; however, as long as Natalia doesn’t doubt Olivia’s love (how could she?), then I’m fine with how they express their love.

During their conversation and touches of love, Natalia and Olivia were unaware that they were being watched. Rafe returned early from his jog, and he caught every suggestive gesture while Olivia and Natalia drowned in each other. I could read the disbelief in his face as realization sunk in, and I was concerned how he would confront them. Instead of taking on the situation head on, Rafe decided to process what he saw and fade out of the Otalia background by walking away.

Unaware they’d given themselves away, Natalia and Olivia continued their love fest in each other. Olivia confessed she never thought she could have what she had in Natalia and expressed that she was unworthy of it. Considering Olivia’s wild past and her ability to wreck lives, her statement made sense. Of course, Natalia countered by saying that it was untrue and expressed how much Olivia made her happy. I smiled at this entire exchange and laughed when Natalia volunteered to prove it through her “I love Olivia dance.” This was a nice way to lighten the heavy but completely enjoyable and emotional scenes between them, and it paved the way for Rafe to return with the new insight he’d gained.

I watched how Rafe observed Natalia and Olivia. I think he was still processing the idea that his mother was involved with another woman, which is why he didn’t confront them with what he saw. To be honest, I was glad Rafe didn’t unload on them right then. The last thing I needed was a “Frankenclipse” brought on by a potential “Rafertude” after Otalia’s beautiful but not so private moments.

After Olivia and Natalia made celebration plans and separated to prepare for dinner, Rafe made his way to the Beacon. Olivia hadn’t returned, and instead he found Jane babysitting Emma. When Jane invited Rafe inside and told him she would go visit her “friend,” I had an immediate reaction. Olivia needs to fire Jane. The emotional part of me wanted Jane to be fired for bringing Emma up to the spa and interrupting Olivia and Natalia on their getaway. I was annoyed at the time, but the rational side of my brain knew that wasn’t a valid reason to fire Jane. However, in hindsight, I wonder if Jane allowed herself to be “manipulated” by Emma on purpose. Jane might have been dating someone in the hotel since the spa getaway. Maybe she had got a call from her mystery date and decided to ship Emma up to the spa so she could have her fun back in Springfield. Regardless, I feel Olivia has justifiable grounds for terminating Jane if she learns about this. I wonder if Jane has been leaving Emma alone in the hotel room while visiting her special friend. All I know is that no one should “force” Jellybean to keep secrets like this and possibly risk her safety if she’s being left alone.

As Rafe talked with Emma, I could tell he was trying to pump her for information and decipher how much she knew about Olivia and Natalia. Listening to Emma’s response revealed two things: 1) her innocence and 2) her sincerity in how she views her mother and Natalia. Emma is too young to understand that there is a lot more going on between Olivia and Natalia, but she is wise beyond her years in seeing other aspects of their relationship. This scene between Rafe and Emma tugged at my heart and put a big smile on my face. There are times when I feel that Emma is the smartest person in this family. As Olivia recently said, Emma knew that she belonged with Natalia before they did. With Rafe, I feel that Emma was letting him know that she is in a loving environment and that their relationship has not been harmful to her upbringing. I think he will come to remember this moment with Emma in the future.

When Olivia and Natalia completed their errands, they both returned to the farmhouse for Rafe’s celebratory dinner. Since they were alone again, it was unsurprising that they had their guard down in their interactions with each other. As they laughed together and poured champagne, Rafe was watching from a distance. Unaware that they weren’t alone, Natalia decided to lift the curtain on some of her sensuality and reveal that side of herself to Olivia. Her intimate, whispered request for Olivia to have some champagne gave me an eyebrow raising moment. Natalia showed me that Olivia wasn’t the only one who could strike a match and light a low-burning flame. Judging by Olivia’s pleased facial expression, she had no complaints about this new side of Natalia either. As Olivia started to sip from the glass Natalia held to her lips, Rafe snapped them out of their private little world by calling out his mother’s name and demanding an explanation. I studied Natalia and then Olivia’s faces as they realized they’d been caught. I felt Natalia was trying to gauge Rafe’s reaction to see how upset he was and determine just how much he’d seen. Olivia looked worried about Natalia, and I felt she was trying to see if Natalia would get upset over Rafe’s unexpected discovery of their relationship. As Natalia stared at Rafe, I felt she just wasn’t sure what to say to him at that moment. I don’t think she expected to discuss her romantic relationship with Rafe so soon. As a result, I’m not sure Natalia was completely mentally prepared to talk to Rafe just yet.

The good news is that at this moment, he’s not full of anger. Although upset and flabbergasted at the idea of her and Olivia being a couple, I’m glad Rafe didn’t react with revulsion. If he totally felt repulsed by the idea of Olivia and Natalia being together, I don’t think he would have kept his thoughts to himself for as long as he did. To me, this is an encouraging sign right now. There might be some rough waters ahead; however, I honestly feel that no matter what happens, Rafe will grow to accept Natalia’s relationship with Olivia. As Natalia likes to say, he’s just going to need some time to adjust.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!