Writing My Wrongs

Dear Loved Ones.

2012-05-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to go through this pain alone. I don't blame you for being busy, I dont blame you for not having the time. I'm just so tired now I can't hang on anymore. Each day I feel forgotten the hole gets bigger and I no longer smile. I read once that the average human smiles 50 x a day, when you were by my side I felt like I smiled 10x more than that and now I dont even smile that much in a month.

Yesterday I lost all hope that I was holding onto. It was the hardest and loneliest day of my life, realizing people you spent your life with for years forgot your birthday. But I don't blame you. I know you have work and families to take care of.

I'm sorry for the selfish act I'm doing. I hope you don't hate me. I just can't hold on anymore waiting to be remembered. I have no fight or strength left. I'm empty and I feel I'll never be filled up ever again.

I just want to belong, to someone and somewhere and to a story that's true. But I have given up on that.

I'm sorry.

I Will Think of You

2012-04-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

I couldn't say hi first to you
Because I wanted to hold you again
Because I wanted to cry again
I ran away and tried to hide my heart

Tears are persistent
This longing for you is a sin
My head tells my heart
Not to look for you anymore

But I'll think about it again
How could I erase you, who I love so much?
When this night passes and morning comes again
Again, I will face you then

You couldn't love me
The real love is here in my heart
My heart tells my head
That I'm loving you for the rest of my life

Ooo but I'll think about you again
How could I erase you, who I love so much?
When this night passes and morning comes again,
I will have to face this again

The sounds of the raindrops falling, falling
The sounds that digs deep in my heart
You flow from my tears
You flow down

I just think about you
I can't, my love, I can't forget you, forget you
Even if I'm born again in another world
I will love you then as well

I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me

2012-04-18T04:10:00.002-07:00

As your memory floods my mind in the day
A stream of tears flows on its own
Step by step, I see you
Even as I work, tears come without warning

Even when I sing
When I walk the streets
I'm filled with thoughts of you
And the tears flow through

I wonder if you hurt like me
I wonder if you cry like me
I wonder if you live in memories like me

There are many ways to pretend to be happy
Like a wind-up doll, like it's my job, I laugh

Even when I watch tv
Even when I meet friends
I'm filled with thoughts of you
And the tears flow through

I wonder if you hurt like me
I wonder if you cry like me
I wonder if you live in memories like me

Though I smile every day
Because I hide behind a smile
They think I'm happy

But how can I truly smile,
How can I smile without you
I smile and I smile but tears find me again

On the Wings of a Woman

2012-03-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

On the wings of a woman, I came into this world
In a yellow pooh bear blanket
And tiny fingers curled around the hand that held
A helpless little boy

On wings of a woman, my daddy stood so tall
He put in 16 hour work days just to come back home and fall
Into the arms that were strong enough to hold us all

So if I ever fly, if I ever shine
If I ever do something even though the whole world thought I couldn't
Wherever I touch down, I take a look around
And know I got here now on the wings of a woman

On the wings of a woman I passed a city limit sign
50 dollars in the glove box and my mothers stubborn pride
Saying don't you dare give up boy it's your time

So when it's all said and done
No matter who I become, I owe it all to the love I started from.

If I ever fly, if I ever shine
If I ever do something even though the whole world said I couldn't
Wherever I touch down, I take a look around
And know I got here now on the wings of a woman

More Than That

2012-02-11T16:51:00.003-08:00

The punch line.

That pivotal moment that can make or break your legendary joke about Gary Busey and his gigantic teeth. (Have you seen those things??)

Or what about movie quotes? You know, that line from that movie that instantly takes you back to that scene that made you cry your little heart out or laugh until you peed your pants?

For example: when Jerry Maguire sits in his office yelling, "Show me the money!" at the top of his lungs. Or when Jenny anxiously screams, "Run, Forest, run!" hoping that Forest can escape the hands of terrifying bullies. Or from the movie, 'The Help' where Aibileen reminds little Mae Mobley that "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

Words have the power to take us places. They can move us deeply into dreams of love and hope or carry us into the most dismal of circumstances.

And one of the things I love about the Word of God is that it does that and so much more. The stories within Scripture are alive and have the power and authority to take us into Heavenly experiences, whether in beauty or holy terror, that empower us to live a life that's greater than all we could ask or imagine.

Recently, there have been 3 words that have begun to stir a new hope in this broken soul of mine:

more than that.

In Romans chapter 8, Scripture brings us to an incredible place of redemption and hope that can only be found in the arms of Jesus Christ. A man who was tortured and mocked. A man who suffered a brutal death at the hands of the people He came to rescue. A man who was dead and buried but -more than that- was raised to life 3 days later.

And why?

Because he loved us. You and me. In the midst of all our hate and lust and deficiency.

Here's the verse:

Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised-who is at the right hand of God, who is indeed interceding for us.

You see, the miracle isn't in the fact that Jesus died; mortal man dies. The beauty and triumphant fact that HE CAME BACK TO LIFE is what makes the reality of Jesus so powerful. If he had stayed in that tomb, what all the pharisees said would have been proven correct. We wouldn't be able to experience grace and value and truth and the LIFE that is found in Jesus through his resurrection.

And what does that truth mean for us? It means we too can experience resurrection daily. It means that we, also, have been picked up out of the grave of sin and raised to new life in Jesus.

Now that, my friends, is what you call good news.

More than the fact that Jesus suffered a terrifying death; he prevailed with a glorifying resurrection.

And for those of us who call Jesus our Lord, that same power resides within us.

More than the fact that we are dead to sin; we are alive in Christ.

And because we are alive we need to be living. The world needs life. Society is desperately searching for value and truth and freedom and LIFE. That life is in Jesus. (John 14:6) So, because the world needs life, the world needs Jesus.

In John 10 Jesus reminds us of how he operates. He tells us that he is a shepherd, a guide, if you will, into abundant life:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly

John 10:10

So, as believers in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we are heirs of life. And just as Jesus is a door-holder into abundant life, we are too.

As the world around us dies from hate, injustice and sin, we hold the keys to a life meant to be lived abundantly through Jesus Christ.

More than slavery: freedom. More than doubt: certainty. More than fear: faith.
More than death: LIFE.

Homesick

2012-02-11T10:33:00.003-08:00

High school.

I'm not sure of many other combination of words that makes me squirm the way those two words do. I'm also not sure of a more awkward or disconnected point in my short life.

To put in bluntly, I hated high school.

I was not popular. Nor was I smart or funny. I failed a few classes. Slept through even more. Teachers liked me, though. Only because they saw my potential but were often frustrated with me for my lack of effort.

But did I care?

Nope.

I was quite strange and very much unaware of the importance of that stage of a young person's life…especially mine in particular.

I often felt out of place. I felt like high school had nothing to offer me. I was too concerned with how short life was and how big the world seemed.

And if I'm honest, lately, life has felt this way for me.

Recently, it's been normal for me to express a lack of effort. I've often times found myself feeling out of place. Or, in most cases, brushing off my feelings of disconnection as an excuse to not include myself in things most of my friends, or people my age, would ordinarily find enjoyable.

I've felt alone. Isolated. Unsure of myself. Unsure of my place on this rock we call earth.

To put it simply, I'm homesick.

I've felt as if there is something more. But not just for me, for all of us. I've felt as if the world has nothing for me and is simply a place on a greater journey. A pre-requisite, if you will, to the bigger story. A temporary home that is setting the stage for a much more beautiful destination.

And the eerily beautiful, yet sometimes scary truth is that it's all true.

All of it.

We are homesick.

There is something more. For all of us.

This world doesn't, in fact, have anything for us. It is just a stop on a greater journey.
There is a bigger story.

This is a temporary home that is preparing us for an overwhelmingly beautiful destination.

You see, I'm understanding that this feeling, this homesickness, is real and normal and simply God's way of reminding us that this place, is not what we are made for. We are not made to please the people on the earth. We are not made to store up wealth. We are not made for things of this earth.

We were created for Heaven. We were created to make an impact on someone's eternity, not their existence. We were created to worship God forever.

But we forget.

We get stuck on money. We get stuck on stuff. We get stuck on our jobs and our fame and our followers on twitter and our church attendance. We get stuck on our existence and our salaries. We focus on right here, right now.

We forget about the baby who has no food. The man who has no shelter. The woman who has no coat. The kid who has no shoes. The family who has no foundation. The friend dying of cancer.

We forget that we were created to be homesick.

That heavenly expectation you feel every day? Embrace it.

That holy disposition that keeps you awake at night. Walk in it.

The dissatisfaction of the present? Let it keep you acutely aware of our short lives.

Allow these things to help you make a Kingdom impact on the people you see every day.

Remind people of our destination. Love them with an eternal love. Live like Heaven is coming tomorrow.

Feeling out of place? It is because you are.

Be homesick.

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because your not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

-John 15:18&19

But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

-Hebrews 11:16

The Ones That Don't Want You

2012-02-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

They say the stars that died a million years ago still shine
But if I said I dont think of you from time to time
I'd be a liar and I'm a lot of things but a liar isn't one
And I am nothing more than the boy you didn't love
I am haunted by the memory of what will never be
And I am haunted by the conversations between you and me
Where I'm laughing denying the simple awful truth
That you will always want the ones that don't want you

The days are getting longer and the nights are longer still
The drinks are getting stronger and it's breaking down my will
So I'm back to reminiscing watching life pass me by
Dreaming of what used to be and the past never lies
You and I were happy once upon a time
I am haunted by the memories of what will never be
I am haunted by the conversations between you and me
Where I'm laughing denying the simple awful truth
That you will always want the ones that don't want you

I hope that you will find live some day
But will I ever fall asleep and not see your face?
You didn't want me
You only want the ones that dont want you.

Of Christian Epistemology: Or, What Can We Know & How Can We Know It?

2011-12-11T02:06:00.000-08:00

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
- The Big Lebowski

If it is extremely dangerous to say that Reason is the enemy and should be eliminated, it is just as dangerous to say that any critical questioning risks sending us into irrationality.
- Michel Foucault

What we suffer from today is humility in the wrong place. Modesty has moved from the organ of ambition. Modesty has settled upon the organ of conviction; where it was never meant to be. A man was meant to be doubtful about himself, but undoubting about the truth; this has been exactly reversed.
- G.K. Chesterton

I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen; not because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
- C.S. Lewis

You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
- Jesus

Many people find it difficult to believe that we can know anything for certain because they find themselves able to doubt everything. However, in my opinion, the assumption that we can doubt “everything” needs to be critically examined. While it’s true that we can doubt any particular proposition at any particular moment, we can never doubt all propositions simultaneously. Ultimately, we can only doubt a particular set of propositions while accepting (consciously or unconsciously) another set of propositions as true.

In my opinion, there are two kinds of doubt – “fake” doubt and “real” doubt. Neither kind, however, is powerful enough to undermine every belief at the same time. In other words, no matter how radical or extensive our doubt might appear to be, it’s always discriminatory and selective in its focus.

Fake doubt can’t undermine every belief because, ultimately, it’s merely an intellectual exercise. Fake doubt is what “afflicts” the armchair philosopher, the person who spends hours lost in thought, wondering how he knows for certain that he’s actually sitting in an armchair. Fake doubt is Rene Descartes wondering if he really has a body or David Hume wondering if there’s actually a world outside his own house. There are various problems with this kind of doubt. For me, the biggest problem is that it’s volitional. Fake doubt can be turned on and off like a light switch. It’s analogous to someone who fasts for several days in order to sympathize with starving people in Third World countries. That person might certainly experience intense hunger pangs, but she will never know the true horror of starving. After all, she can stop fasting whenever she wishes and make a quick trip to McDonald’s. Starving people don’t have that luxury. No matter how radical and extensive fake doubt might become, it’s never radical and extensive enough. It always leaves some key beliefs untouched. In Descartes’ case, he never “really” doubted that he had a body; he just wanted to know how he knew that he had one. Hume, on the other hand, did often doubt that there was a world outside his own house. However, to reassure himself, he would simply go outside to look around. Fake doubt always allows the doubter to retain a link to “reality.”

While fake doubt is an intellectual exercise, real doubt is more of an existential crisis. Imagine a group of philosophers debating whether or not they can know for sure that they have hands. That’s fake doubt. Now, imagine one of those philosophers getting hit by a car. A paramedic stands over him, asking him if he can move or feel his hands. The philosopher can’t. He can’t even lift his head to look at them. In this situation, the philosopher rightfully doubts his ability to know if he has hands.

Real doubt is typically caused by some traumatic experience or personal crisis. Because of this, real doubt can’t undermine every belief because it usually passes once the trauma or crisis that caused it has been resolved. The injured philosopher doubts if he has hands because the bodily systems that make such knowledge possible have been impaired. However, once these systems begin to function again, he will no longer experience that doubt.

However, the question that confronts us is whether or not there are situations where our epistemological systems might be permanently damaged or impaired. Is it possible that in the wake of some trauma or crisis, we might be left in a state of perpetual confusion and uncertainty?

In Christian philosophy, this isn’t merely a possibility; it’s a firm reality. Christians believe in Original Sin, an event that tainted every aspect of humanity – including our ability to know God, the world, and ourselves. However, though Christians argue that the human mind is flawed and finite, they don’t find the kind of epistemological chaos in the human condition that other philosophies like existentialism find. Existentialists believe that human attempts to find truth and meaning always lead us into the Absurd. Theistic existentialists like Soren Kierkegaard claim that to find truth and meaning, people must abandon rational thinking and make a “leap of faith” into the Absurd. Atheistic existentialists like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, however, condemn Kierkegaard’s leap of faith as “intellectual suicide.” Instead, they suggest that people must come to terms with the Absurd, creating meaning for themselves rather than trying to find it from some external source.

In my estimation, the problem with existentialism is that it attempts to reject reason while relying on it at the same time. Ultimately, this is self-defeating. We can’t refute reason with reason, and we can’t think outside of reason. As Ludwig Wittgenstein explains,

“We cannot think anything unlogical, for otherwise we should have to think unlogically…the truth is, we could not say of an “unlogical” world how it should look. To present in language anything which “contradicts logic” is as impossible as in geometry to present by its coordinates a figure which contradicts the laws of space; or to give the co-ordinates of a point which does not exist.”

Let me use an analogy to explain this problem. Let’s suppose you’re in college. You come back to your dorm one day after class only to discover that your room is completely trashed. You confront your roommate, exclaiming “This place is a mess!”

Nonchalantly, he replies “How can you make that claim?”

Well, in my estimation, there are only two legitimate ways you can claim that your room is messy. The first way is you have a frame of reference, one that includes clean, orderly rooms that you can compare with your room. If you’ve seen clean rooms before, then you know your room is different and you can make rational propositions about this condition.
However, it might be possible that you’ve never seen a clean room before. It might even be possible that there aren’t any clean rooms in the world. Every room in every home in the world is perpetually messy. However, in this case, you could still claim that your room is messy if you have some innate idea of clean, orderly rooms in your mind. However, if you’ve never encountered a clean room and you don’t have any innate ideas about clean rooms, then there’s no possible way you could say “This room is a mess!” You wouldn’t even know what a mess was. Your statement would be meaningless.

Existentialists are confronted with a similar dilemma. They can only claim that life is absurd if (1) they know of some sensible, rational life that can be compared to ours, or if (2) they have some innate idea of a sensible, rational life that conflicts with the physical reality we experience. To my knowledge, existentialist philosophy denies both these possibilities. Therefore, in my opinion, existentialism is meaningless.

Unlike existentialism, Christian philosophy doesn't see the our search for truth and meaning as ultimately absurd. Existentialists argue that human beings have a drive to find something that doesn't exist in the universe. Christianity, however, argues that human beings have a drive to find something that does exist in the universe. However, the reason they fail to find it is because they have a deeper and darker drive, one that ultimately negates their desire for truth and meaning. In existentialism, the problem is the universe. In Christianity, however, the problem is "not in our stars but in ourselves." Our epistemology is limited by our own mortality and hindered by our own sin, not the cold, cruel nature of the cosmos

Depressed

2011-12-06T13:03:00.000-08:00

Your stomach rose, your stomach crept.
Your stomach filled with air from a theft.
The diaphragm all the time unaware.
Drew inch after inch of this pitiful air.
Not to scare or to hinder.
Forced down through the cleft.
Thievery mocking in silent shared breath.
Binging on H and then 2 on to O
Drawn back to the lungs that will handle the blow.
Wind circulates through the plates, through the blood.
The pilot light out from the beat held above.
A trace of vibration round hollowed and bare.
Knocking for life within bodies to share.
Shattering, smashing like waves of the sea.
Rolling through ribs cut in two just to see.
Punctured and tunneled, a hand reaches depth.
A lung compromised waits deep and depressed.
No life line or ringing, a body lay still.
Just speak but a word to avoid having killed.

It’s easy for us to forget we breathe, simple as can be but it goes unrecognized until influenza or allergies rear their ugly heads. We do it when we sleep, most vulnerable to anything and everything but our bodies just keep breathing for us. The metaphor here is simple, for me breathing is as simple a task as any but for some a struggle and in the moments it took me to write this someone out there breathed their last bit of air. The metaphor continues, just as breathing is essential to life I believe that love is equally essential. Within that comes the need to feel worth, the anomaly is (within the metaphor) sometimes we have to be broken, opened up and most vulnerable to actually love.

In these moments of vulnerability, opened up lying on the table for the doctor to pry, it’s with the hands of the physician that we are brought back to life. The air circulates through us, just as love can so do. But unlike breathing, we are conscious of the love we seek and may someday find (or have already found) just not until we’ve been opened up and examined and for lack of a better term, “fixed.”

“No life line or ringing, a body lay still. Just speak but a word to avoid having killed.” This is personal, the ringing represents the phone and the speaking represents the person on the other end. It could be anyone, but sometimes you just need to hear from someone. “Depressed” doesn’t represent a feeling, it represents an action, when our chest has depressed and all air has left our bodies we then need to fill it up again. Elementary, I know, but the point is that you don’t know for certain you will take that breath after breathing out, just like you don’t know if you’ll receive love in return after giving it.

If you wouldn’t purposely cease breathing in fear of the next breath, don’t stop loving in fear of what comes next. If worse comes to worse, there’s a great physician that can “fix” you

Two and One.

2011-12-04T07:29:00.001-08:00

Two and one connected at
The broken Son’s reflection.
In the pool of blood erected
on a cross we built ourselves.
A roman and a jewish man
Reflected in a pagan stance.
Divided by the lines of judgement
Buried underneath.
Jerusalem Hallalujah
A Savior King our Yahweh God.
A birth and death, victorious
The world has never
Known another King.
Jesus. Dirt and Mud.
Eyes once were shut til you spoke your words.
Jesus. Lord of the Earth.
Change the blind of Christianity.

Clocks

2011-11-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

I memorized the lines of your face intertwined
with my fingers though bare hold a rhythmic disguise
Over dust and the trees care to bend at the knees
to fling falls winter leaves said summer time goodbye
The dirt on your brow mixed with sawdust you plowed
from the plank you were proud grandfather did ring
Burned at the core from the sky to floor
in a secret you swore to keep me safe at ease

Grow me, grow me your garden
Where infinite life springs, springs up from the ground
Show me, show me you’ve fathered
The grandest of ages, to be my grandfather.

The furnace you lit calms the bold winter grit
burned the drops from my spit and crushed cans lay nearby
Concrete adorned with the ash from the boards
you had cut into four swept away by the young
Acres of land you would tend with your hands
by the turn of the years from the window you’d stand
Lathed with an age a sharp knife carved with grace
followed twenty one guns to my grandfather’s grave

Know me, know me the deepest
Know all of my secrets, from when I was a boy
Love me, even in my weakness
You did through the seasons, til death led you home.

Yes I know, that life someday.
Will end and all, will fade away.
Until I see, see you again.
Oh I will rest with God just like you did back then.
Yes I will rest with God until we meet again

No Idea

2011-11-07T15:03:00.002-08:00

You’d probably like me better if you had no idea who I am
See, once you get to know me you’ll uncover all the bad
The inner discord flailing ‘round like a jagged laser beam
You’ll see inside the tyrant of the mind that makes up me
Displayed my imperfections will send you running for the hills
But on the outside looking in you’d think my glass had never spilled
Perhaps it’s that I’m a christian that you love to watch me fall
Or you think that I deserve it I’m not perfect, after all
I suppose I just can’t blame you because I know I feel the same
The only guilty party here is the man walking in shame
If you’d no idea you knew me you might think I’m really cool
But somewhere along the way you figured out I’m just a tool
I’m selfish and pretentious I can’t tie my own tongue down
My cynicism follows me like the lost looks to be found
I’m not claiming to be perfect if I were it’d be a myth
If you want to know the truth perhaps I ought to plead the fifth
I’m just another sinner with a savior I so need
For every good, I’ve done 5 bad, I’ve kept track of all my deeds
Yes, no idea of knowing me might leave you better off
There’s plenty who have left my side and plenty often scoff

One Life Inside of Another.

2011-10-27T01:02:00.000-07:00

Feels like one life inside of another.
I embody you. Who embodies me?
Sometimes I’d rather just disappear
That way none of you’d have to hear
Me ringing melodiously
The worst news ever

Clothed in tattered
Broken America
The enemy
Is lying
Clothed in blasphemy
Our old enemy
Beat us with
Apathy
Our own Apathy

The Good Guys

2011-08-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

We’re out here. Regardless if you’ve had the pleasure of enjoying our company or have, as of yet, missed experiencing what magic we can create in your life, we do exist. We’re the few but proud, the sweet but fiery, the strong yet humble. We’re the good guys and we’re simply asking for one chance; one chance to take your hand and capture your heart.

We’re the guys who will look you in the eye, softly shake your hand and respectfully smile when we’re first introduced. We’re the guys who will open the door for you and allow you to walk in ahead of us. We’re the guys who will pay for the entire meal and playfully scoff at you when you suggest we let you cover the tip. We’re the guys who know how to make you laugh and would never dream of making you cry. We’re the guys who wouldn’t dare disrespect you by pressuring you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. We’re the guys your friends approve of and wish they had. We’re the guys who are faithful to you and only you — respecting you when we’re with you and when we’re alone. We’re the guys who smile when we think of you and call just to say we’re thinking about you.

We’re the guys who write their own vows because no one else can properly express the way we feel about you. We’re the guys who make the best husbands because we treat you as an equal and not as a possession. We're the guys who cook you dinner because we know you’ve had a rough day and going out to eat isn’t the same as eating a meal prepared with love. We’re the guys that protect you and allow you to feel safe when the world is beating down your door. We’re the guys who remember your favorite song and hum it to you when you’re falling asleep in our arms. We’re the guys who can be the spiritual leader of a relationship —building a foundation of prayer and devotion so that our house may stand strong in Him.

There’s an army of us gentlemen and we know how to treat a lady. We know what it takes to make you happy and we strive every day to put you ahead of ourselves. We’re out here and all we need is a moment — a moment to make you sigh sweetly and smile eternal. We’re the good guys and we do exist. We just need a chance.

Why Wait?

2011-08-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Some of us are born with this inherent desire to change the world, to be a hero, to impact other people in a way that resonates beyond the quarter you gave the homeless dude yesterday. We often like to imagine it on some grandeur scale where a multitude of people were affected, and that defines the success of our desire to be great. I’m not assuming this is always the case, I’m simply stating what I’ve witnessed in ministries and organizations that you and I see at work everyday.

But why wait to be great? Why wait to be a hero? There are hurting people around you that need help; today. There are broken people that refuse to reach out to someone and you may just get placed in their path, but you forgot about how you wanted to change the world. I say this because, I get the feeling sometimes we wait until it’s too late to have a positive impact on this world.

I live in Vancouver, BC where opportunities to help and serve this community abound, yet I never find myself reaching out to any of these organizations that are already doing what I’ve sworn I want to do; the truth is I’m lazy. I don’t think I’m alone in this, I’m sure there’s plenty of us that can find ways to start giving our time and energy to something that isn’t self related. Yes, I'm sure your music will help people but you’ve got hands and feet too and they don’t always have to be creating. Yes, I’m sure your video will really draw people in, make them think and question things but while you’re not holding the camera or editing you can be serving. Put down the pencils, put the books away, you’ll have plenty of time for that - go serve!

It doesn’t take reaching a multitude, or any HUGE sacrifice, and it may even go unrecognized but real people are in need of real help out there. Let’s encourage each other to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and even if you’re not into Jesus you can help too; the more the merrier.

Note to self: Change someone’s life today, don’t wait for tomorrow.

Inspired by you

2011-07-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

You're like the sun in the sky

The clouds flying by above me

Why the world is alive

The look in your eyes it makes me

See color in this black and white life

You make everything right

You are the light in the spark

The wish on the star I'm making

Now I finally see how sweet it should it

Baby without you I'm incomplete

But with you, I'm a masterpiece.

My whole life is a song about you baby

You're the best part of the picture that I am painting

And this love can turn nothing into something beautiful

Everything I do is inspired by you

Every beat inside my heart

I was standing in the dark 'til you.

Inspired by you

Everything I am and everything I will ever do

My whole life is a song about you baby

You're the best part, you're the best part.

Never Fades

2011-06-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dug a hole so deep that you ran out of dirt?

Have you ever broke a heart so bad that it ran out of hurt?

Have you ever had love and gave it up?

You had it all but it wasn't enough

So you crossed that line, you can't push rewind

Then you know how it feels

To lose the only thing that was real

You try to move on but you never can

'Cause what you've done wont ever change

And a memory like hers never fades

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night screaming out loud?

Wishing it was just a dream but the tears falling down

Tell you, you're never going to heal gonna have to deal

Gotta get up and get on with your life 'cause you can't push rewind

I pray someday that we will find the road

That leads your heart back to mine

And you, you know how it feels

To lose the only thing that was real

I try to move on but I never can

'Cause what we had wont ever change

And a memory like hers never fades.

Never fades, it never fades.

That Kind of Man

2011-06-18T15:29:00.001-07:00

I want to be the kind of man that fights against injustice. Not because it's cool, but because the hungry have no strength, the poor have no means, the lost have no way and the hurting have no chance.

I want to be the kind of man that stands when everyone else is sitting. Not because sitting is wrong but because there's a generation full of people who are longing for rest.

I want to be the kind of man that takes action. Not because I'm bored but because God calls me to move.

I want to be the kind of man that never compromises. Not because others tell me not to but because I believe in the promise that God has something specifically for me.

I want to be the kind of man that speaks with authority. Not because I have all the answers but because the God who created me does.

I want to be the kind of man who knows when to be still. Not because the work is finished but because God desires my heart and not my ability.

I want to be the kind of man that admits his weakness. Not because I want others to feel sorry for me but because I desire others to see that it's God moving through me.

I want to be the kind of man that gives generously. Not because I feel pressured but because I feel freedom.

I want to be the kind of man that listens attentively.

I want to be the kind of man that stays accountable.

I want to be the kind of man that loves unconditionally.

I want to be the kind of man that shares sacrificially.

I want to be the kind of man that lives simply, grows daily, follows wholeheartedly, communicates unashamedly and helps selflessly.

I want to be the kind of man that works hard, makes disciples, guards hearts, stays pure and seeks holiness.

I want to be the kind of man that provides, travels, cries, hurts, laughs, exercises and prays.

I want to be that kind of man that goes after the heart of God, protects the heart of every woman, fights in the face of every giant, worships the creator of the heavens and lives for the glory of Jesus Christ.

I want to be that kind of man.

Jesus Wept

2011-06-02T14:16:00.000-07:00

Not only is it the shortest verse in the Bible, but, for me, it's also one of the most beautiful moments in Scripture.

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

2 very powerful words that mean more than we may realize.

Context:

Lazarus (Jesus' best friend) grew deathly ill. Jesus got the news but chose not to come and rescue him. Why? So that He could later have the chance to bring God glory. (John 11:4) So later, after the news of Lazarus' death, Jesus returns to Judea with his disciples. When he gets there, Jesus does what any of us would do in the event of our best friend's death.

He wept.

And we know what happens next. In verses 38-44 of chapter 11 we see Jesus do the unimaginable…

He raises Lazarus back to life.

What's beautiful about this? Jesus could've chosen to shake the situation off. He could have laughed at the others involved simply because He knew what God was going to do through him in just a few short minutes.

Instead, Jesus chose to feel the very same way you and I would feel if our best friend died. He was moved to grief.

Jesus wept.

So never can I say that Jesus doesn't know how I feel. Never can I say He doesn't understand where I am coming from.

Not only does he know, but Jesus himself chose to put himself in my shoes. He chose to feel the same emotion you and I would feel if we were in the same situation. That's beautiful.

I encourage you to go and read this story over in John chapter 11. Do it.

My Hometown

2011-04-19T00:55:00.006-07:00

There's a break in the barbwire fence

On the edge of the Fuller farm

Halfway between the cottonwood trees

And what's left of that rusted out car

There's a crack in the stained glass cross

On the back of the Fellowship Hall

And somebody wrote out "I love Jenny"

On the 4th street sidewalk

Every line, every inch, every mile,

Every bit of my hometown

Is in my mind; in my veins;

Every breath that I take, it's in me now

There's a million miles of you

That I've never driven down

There are years and years before me

So let it all come pouring out

Every scar; every tear; every smile

In the corners of your heart

Every step that you take, every breath

That's making you who you are

I want that city limit sign passing me by, feeling

Driving down Maine on a Friday night

When I look into your eyes

I wanna know you like the back of my hand

And when I fall I want you to be my place to land

I wanna know that at the end of the day

I am yours and that's never going to change

That I'm safe and sound in your solid ground

I wanna know you now, like my hometown

I love you if...

2011-03-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

I love you if you keep me happy and healthy.
I love you if you keep me wealthy.
I love you if you give me what I want.
I love you.
If.

The worst word you can add to 3 words that need no additive. Throw that “if” in there and you’ve thrown a wrench into the machine. Did you hear the vinyl scratch? So, my question is, why are we/I so comfortable saying it to God? I can already hear the cynics, “well God has requirements too ya know?” To which I reply, “He’s GOD!” You wouldn’t be here without him, that’s not a challenge that’s just fact. How does your body know what you need to stay alive? How do you find the food every single day to stay alive in the first place? And how does your body digest this food everyday so that you can repeat the process? You know me, I’m the bubble burster, you were created; that wasn’t coincidence.

Alas, we love him if. We want to love the Lord, the God of all creation on our terms. You’re not alone, we all do it. I certainly have and do and that’s precisely why I’m writing about it. You don’t have to say it, you show it. The same way your spouse knows the difference between whether you really do love them or not, they can tell, I don’t need a spouse to know that. It’s the same way anyone would know, it’s almost always obvious and if it’s not they are either a great liar or you’re in denial. I’m saying this because, we’ve made it acceptable. We (and yes, don’t forget I do mean myself) so want to justify it more often than not so we start to re-write our own rules and then somehow it becomes ethical and moral and Jesus is nowhere in sight.

The wake up call is the cross and the man that hung on it, for you and I. He didn’t say I love you if… He didn’t give us commandments so that we feel bullied and prodded at like cattle, perhaps it had something to do with what’s beneficial for us and Him. You were made for his Glory, he made you AND he died for you. But you love him - if. I love him - if. I love him if he lets me cuss. If he lets me get drunk. If he lets me have sex from time to time. If he lets me slander and gossip. If he lets me be lazy and not do work for his Kingdom. If he lets me disobey him - that’s what we are saying.

Being a christian isn’t about how much we can bend the rules and what we can get away with while still trying to be in the good graces of God, it’s about being as much like Jesus Christ as we possibly can. It’s just, I love you.

What Does Love Mean To A Four-Year-Old?

2011-03-24T15:31:00.001-07:00

Saw this on a website.

Some people asked a group of 4-8 year olds what love meant…their answers are beautiful.

Enjoy. :)

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca- age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine-age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6 (Funny!)

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8

I think we have a lot to learn from these kids. Love is so much deeper than a word and so much more powerful than a feeling.

I love love.

2011-03-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

Stretch yourself a little every day. Go beyond the comfortable and familiar to discover that thing that could potentially make you more alive.

Read a book from someone you don’t agree with but still has validity in their words.

Take a second look before writing off that artist.

Listen to the music that offers a new sonic landscape for your ears.

Hell, wear that shirt that sits in your closet b/c you’re afraid how people will look at you.

Adventure doesn’t have to take you away, it simply offers another destination... a new experience.

In other words, try new things. Your location, friends, and experiences don’t have to define what you like or who you are. Creativity, likes and opinions aren’t as meaningful when it’s oversaturated by the group you surround yourself with. Ever heard the expression, “familiarity breeds contempt”?

To be cliche, there’s an unfamiliar world around you with endless discoveries and possibility awaiting. Let it surprise you.

You’ll find that when you start exploring, others will want to come.

Back to the Start

2011-03-02T01:41:00.000-08:00

One more morning I'm waking up

Same old feeling inside my gut

I know in my soul that it's never enough

I'm back to the start, again

All these nights they keep haunting me

Wait for my dreams to come and set me free

Oh but it's just like it used to be

I'm back to the start, again

Back to the start

Oh and it tears us apart

I know that it's breaking Your heart

I keep going back, back to the start again

Walking in circles in blistering heat

Wearing down the tread of the shoes on my feet

Praying for Your rain to come pour down on me

But I'm back to the start, again.

Back to the start

Oh and it tears us apart

I know that it's breaking Your heart

I keep going back, back to the start again

Break me down 'til there's nothing left

So all I have is You

Show me all that I've got left

Is what brings me back to You.

I'm Back to the start

Nothing could tear us apart

I'm right where You captured my heart

I just want to go back, back to the start again

Take me right back to the start, again

Better Off Lovers

2011-02-20T20:53:00.004-08:00

Baby we go round and round on this carousel ride

Seeing what we could be then let it pass us by

If we both just let go and stop believing all these lies

I know it wont take long, no it wont take long to realize

So many places filled with faces

But they all lead me back to you

I've been trying to catch my breathe

'Cause I've been running from the truth

In the end we'd be better off together now

Than when we tried just friends and every now and then

We talk just to see how the others been

Tried distance but you were just too far away

But when the sun goes down on the other side of town

And we're both with another, our hearts wont lie

We're better off lovers