Writing in capitals, sometimes known as writing in ALL CAPS, is something to be avoided.  It sounds like you’re shouting, and there’s no quicker way to break rapport.

I know you might think it’s a good way to highlight something important.  I know you might imagine it’ll help to break up the text, and draw attention to a key section.  I know you might feel you can get away with it because you’re sharing an important and powerful message that people will absolutely, definitely and I mean DEFINITELY want to hear.

You can’t.

Trust me on this.

Whoever you are, whatever your message: all caps sounds like shouting.

And in a noisy, busy world, full of e-mails, and too many reports to read, and text messages and twitter streams flooding on by… it’s too much.  It’s too noisy.  It’s too harsh on our digital ears.

Drop the all caps.  Use bold if you want: it helps your words to stand out… without making me rub my ears

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You don’t want to overdo the positive messages in your writing or you’ll start to sound unreal (and break rapport with your reader).  You also run the risk of creating too big a stretch between where your reader is currently at and where you and they want to be (which means you need to go back to pacing.)

But you don’t want to shoot yourself in the foot by adding in unnecessary doubt.  Focus on the positive message you’re putting across, and edit your words so the ideas you’re putting across avoid the negatives.

This is also a way of working in a subtle embedded command.  Your reader can pick up on a simple verb phrase like “avoid the negative” and accept it (subconsciously) as an instruction or invitation.

Here’s an example from a piece of work I was editing recently.  The author was attempting to create rapport with her readers through reassurance, along the lines of ‘you don’t need to do this because I’m telling you to, but because all the evidence points towards this being a sensible approach’.

The phrase ran:

“You won’t be compelled to do this because I’m telling you to, but because of the evidence you’ve gathered…”

What the reader actually picks up on is not the reassurance but the negative instruction:  “You won’t be compelled.”

This has two subtle effects.

1) The reader internalises the embedded command “you won’t be compelled

2) Rapport is not enhanced but weakened.  You’re undermining the trust relationship by injecting doubt in your own teaching.

An alternative would be something like this:

“If you’re compelled to do this it’s because the evidence you’ve gathered points you that way..”

All I’ve done is added in some extra words and changed the construction to include an “if”.  Yes, that still allows for an element of doubt (it’s not a command, it’s just a possibility that you’ll find yourself compelled to do this).

Can you see how this works in the embedded command?

It’s also a way of enhancing rapport: you and your reader, on the same side, working towards the place both you and they want to be.

Remember: pacing and leading… on the same side.

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Yes, that means you need to think about who you’re writing to first – and that simple act will, in itself, help you to create rapport.

It means getting in tune with what they’re thinking and feeling, what kind of problems they’re tussling with, what kind of hopes and dreams make them smile.

Think about them when you start to write: what kind of mood they’re in, what frame of mind, what kind of things are bothering them.

Find some words for that state and work them into an early part of your writing.  It sends a subtle signal to your reader that you know where they’re at.  That you’re on their side.

It gets them, instantly, on your side.  They’re with you because somehow you know what it’s like to be them.  You’ve named their experience and in so doing you’re pacing them.  Walking right alongside them, walking in their shoes and breathing in their rhythm.

It’s a powerful first step in creating rapport.

TIP: look for words that are more universal than specific.  It’s hard to know *precisely* what someone is thinking or feeling, and if you get the words slightly wrong you’ll break the connection.

General and universal language is more likely to do the trick.  Take a phrase like “you know what it’s like when you feel stuck“, for example.  “Stuck” covers a multitude of sins, and each person will experience it differently.  The word is wide and general enough that lots of people can connect to it (and nearly everyone has felt some form of stuckness at one time or another.)

The extra words I’ve suggested adding in (”you know what it’s like..”) also play a part.  The suggestion that ‘you know what it’s like’ gets them to go inside and find that feeling again, and notice it.  It makes their feeling of the state of stuckness more specific to them, despite the general nature of your language.

It’s another simple way to send a signal that you ‘get’ them and that you’re on their side.

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Using punctuation in the wrong way – in the wrong context – can break it.

Take an exclamation mark for example.

Writing online is changing our use of the exclamation mark.  If you spend any time on Twitter you’re likely to use it as a short hand way (one character, and you’ve only got 140) to signal:

• That something’s really interesting or unusual

• That you’re really pleased to see someone

• That you’ve taken notice of what someone’s said

Other users will understand.  They’ll smile and use exclamations back.

The grammar rules around exclamation marks haven’t changed: it’s just that the custom and practice, the culture that you’re writing in makes it acceptable to use them.

Things change when you shift back to a different, more traditional medium though.

You need to be careful with exclamation marks when you’re writing for print.  They come over as much more exaggerated than they do online.  They draw undue attention to what you’re saying, and exaggerate it for effect.

This can also mean you create the opposite effect to the one you intended.

Take for example a bit of encouragement you want to offer someone in a teaching or coaching context, translated into the written word.

You’ve just asked someone to answer some questions or do an exercise.  You need to find some way to acknowledge their effort and encourage them to keep going.

Well done!

You  might want to say.

Except well done! runs the risk of sounding a little phoney, a little patronising, a little over keen. (Can you hear the difference between that and a simple: well done.)

To some people it might sound sarcastic, and that you don’t really mean it.

Create any of those effects and you’ve broken rapport.

Keep it simple.  Keep the tone quiet and plain.

Sotto voce.

Well done.

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Assume they have goodwill towards you.  That they’re willing to suspend disbelief.  They’re willing to be persuaded.

Start with that assumption and write that way.

It will make your writing sound more persuasive and confident, and it’ll save you a lot of wasted words too.

Because if you start with a negative belief – that your reader needs persuading or convincing – you’ll end up throwing in a lot of extra words to try and persuade them, to justify your position, and to explain what you want to do.

And it’s not just extra words you’re throwing in: you’re throwing in doubt that wasn’t there before.

Your reader wants to believe you.  They want to be persuaded.  They’re with you already.

Don’t slow down the pace unnecessarily.

Trust your reader’s on your side.

Breathe it in.  Trust it.  Believe it.

Then write as if it were so.

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Grasp that bit and the rest becomes easy.

Pacing and leading is how we establish rapport with people and then engage, connect, teach, guide, support… in ‘real’ life. The same principles apply in the written word.

The simplest way of thinking about it is as a journey.  You’re going to ask your reader to move from A, the start of your writing, to B, its conclusion.  You’re going to lead them there.

Now think of that journey as a walk.  You’re going to walk alongside your reader.  You’re going to walk them through your words.

This is where the concept of pacing comes in.

Think about a time when you went for a walk with someone.  Perhaps someone you didn’t know all that well, but wanted to, and were hoping to enjoy the experience of the shared walking time with them.

Imagine they set off really fast, making you walk faster and faster to catch up with them.  You’d be feeling a bit puzzled and confused, perhaps a bit left behind, and maybe even breathless   You wouldn’t be feeling as positive towards your companion. In fact, a good degree of distance might have opened up between you.

(Perhaps literally, if they kept on walking, and didn’t notice they were lagging behind )

Now imagine a different scenario. It turns out your companion walks really, really slowly.  Shoe-scuffingly, painfully slowly.  So slow it’s almost unbearably frustrating.  You’d give anything for them just to speed up a bit and get on with things.

In both instances your companion has broken rapport with you.  They’ve set their own pace: too fast, too slow, without paying attention to you, and the speed, the pace, that you naturally go at.

The secret to establishing rapport here is to pace before you lead:

• Walk alongside your companion
• Allow yourself to relax, and adjust to their rhythm, breathing, pace
• Adjust your pace to that of your companion until you’re walking easily and naturally together

The feeling of easy companionship you’re now enjoying is rapport.

You’ve done it by pacing your companion.  (And yes, to get back to the writing analogy, your reader.)

But your job as writer is not just to walk alongside them – you’ve also got to take them somewhere.  And that’s where the leading comes in.

Back in our walking example you adjust your pace: a little bit slower, a little bit faster, and you’ll find your companion adjusts to your pace… without feeling it’s awkward, too fast or too slow.  It feels natural.  They’re walking comfortably alongside you.  It feels relaxed and easy.  You’re leading – but you’re still in rapport.

That’s the essence of pacing and leading, and the easiest and simplest introduction to rapport that I know.

Remember the idea of the walk: where your reader is starting from and where you want to take them to.  And remember to pace, pace, pace before you start to lead.

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