An Accounting of a Life

DOWNER

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 15:57:00 +0000

There's nothing better at bringing the mood down, at least for myself, than having nothing in particular to do on a Friday night. I used to have lots on my plate these past few Fridays that missing badminton seemed a lot less specific...Tonight, I am suddenly keenly aware that I'm supposed to be playing but I am not. (The Playmates of the Year are all busy in their collective and individual lives.)

Even if job-related hassles mostly involving taxes are kinda finally over, I still can't bring myself to good cheer. It's probably because I've been used to the idea of a particular period of inconvenience transitioning into a bit of convenience, then the cycle repeating over and over again, that I take it for granted. Mind you this is not all only about one's job, it's about the cycle of life in general wherein we are constantly swimming into waves of positive and negative experiences alternating each other.

So I can't be bothered by being depressed. Just a few hours ago, I ventured into the city like a slicker or trying to be one. Completely out of character for me but I actually encountered stupid people in a span of just hours and my condescending attitude towards them just made me even more sullen. And to cap it, moments before I wrote this, Blogger hanged several times forcing me to change internet establishments while secretly cursing either the network or the people running it.

Tried going to the "happy" places but it's "been there done that." I am now wondering if what I am experiencing is what a highfalutin word an office mate introduced me to: anhedonia. I read the link and it could just well be.

One last place to go though before I call it a night. This will determine my fate tonight. Do this I shall. Right after posting this blog entry I will. Yoda, yadda yadda...

RENEWAL SEASON

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 17:26:00 +0000

re·new·al noun \ri-ˈnü-əl, -ˈnyü-\ : the state of being made new, fresh, or strong again : the state of being renewed

More family members have birthdays in March-April than any other consecutive months on the calendar.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Rex Dael Navarro: March 23
Anunciacion Dael Navarro: March 25
Cyndi Lois Camilo Navarro: April 1
Joy Myrn Racal Gitamondoc: April 4
Merxelle Joani Añora Navarro: April 6
Prince NJ Baladjay Besario: April 20
Fact of life is that there is death to counter birth. We like the latter of course. Nature is unwavering though. The world must renew itself by constantly retiring a life and creating a new one. We just don't know the dynamics and/or parameters by which someone is chosen to let live or let die. My deceased father was born in early March. My cousin just died within the waning days of March, on the exact same date her mother, my uncle's wife, died many years ago.

We are born into this world without us choosing to be. Once we are here, however, we do a lot of choosing. Most importantly, we choose to live. But life has many pitfalls and we know we must get up from every stumble, move on from unease, renew our confidence to face the days ahead.

As for the dear departed, it had arguably been and would arguably be a fresh experience for them into a different dimension. The hereafter, in whatever form or fashion, is definitely the freshest human experience. Yes, human experience. Just because somebody dies doesn't mean humanity's lost.

GLAD TO HELP

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Wed, 27 Nov 2013 12:05:00 +0000

YOU CAN, TOO!

A DAY IN A LIFE CAN SOMETIMES BE PERFECT

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 13:19:00 +0000

Today is the day Pacquiao redeemed himself, if not for the millions of Filipinos around the world, for me at least. I am not a boxing fan, there are other sports one can get inspiration from without the oft repeated negativity attached to boxing which is violence. It's always the circumstance that gets to me, the human condition, the pride and self-esteem of a man seemingly hurt by a second of carelessness. In interviews, Pacquiao said as much, that the loss to Marquez sending him hurtling to the canvass was due to carelessness. And he learned the lesson well. That was one perfect boxing match, I reckon. One that does not have to unnecessarily hurt the opponent. Of course, perfection was on Pacquiao's side. Rios was the perfect target for aggression --- he was conceited and too confident in a cheeky way.

Jessica Sanchez was perfect. Singing both anthems seem as natural to her as her birthright. After all, all nationalities involved --- American, Mexican, Filipino --- she can lay claim to. There might be one or two enunciation problems with Lupang Hinirang but hey she was not born here. She can sing our national anthem with 25 percent accuracy and she would still be perfect in my book.

A LUNCH SURPRISE

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Fri, 08 Nov 2013 12:39:00 +0000

The log registered 17. Previously it had been 15. I already knew one via someone I suspect to be spying a friend and that if accepted would use me for that end. "I suspect" means "I judge." I already formed an opinion or conclusion about something I haven't completely understood.

This is me. Classic judgmental me. I am horrible. I judge people, situations, various other features of life that misconceptions can apply. I am not now going to hide behind fallacies on ethics like "everybody does it" or "no harm, no foul."

Today, at high noon, I admitted (more importantly to myself) this unethical behavior of mine in the face of a truly surprising turn of events.

Number 17 was a Facebook friend request, the latest in a string of ignored offers of "friendship" in the context of an increasingly impersonal and less genuine social media. (There goes my judgement again.) No common friends, completely a stranger. Well, that made me push the respond-to-a-friend-request button. I can account for all the other 16, how I'd known each one of them, in different ways and in my corresponding reasons, to be unfit for even the most superficial of friendships that Facebook sometimes does engender or promote. But this one was strange. And so out of curiosity I made 17 a 16 again and gained a new friend.

Friend indeed.

He delivered the news that, though bittersweet because I already made my move and spent considerably (both financially and emotionally) in replacing the things that were lost, was a very pleasant surprise!

His aunt was the woman seen on CCTV picking up my belt bag. The bag is waiting for me, intact. It took more than a day to trace and contact me because of very legitimate reasons but that doesn't matter.

Now I know better. The incident was more about my own carelessness than it was about a perceived dishonesty. Just because everybody in the room concurred that a certain interpretation of events shown on a seemingly unassailable modern device called closed-circuit television must be true doesn't mean TRUTH has been conquered and lies cleared.

Tomorrow, I'm going to meet her and claim my belt bag. And make amends.

Hopefully, I can claim my dignity back, too.

NUANCES

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 19:08:00 +0000

It's the first time that I use mobile/tablet in posting. Quite difficult! The keyboard is smaller and it's like creating a very long text message.

Anyway, I am here and will endure this. Hello to all viewers of this blog, mostly from Indonesia/Malaysia as can be gleaned from the sidebar message board. I haven't blogged as frequently as I wanted to. At times Facebook seem like the faster choice. And Candy Crush and googling took most of my spare time recently.

Since the 'downfall' of the Philippine Stock Market, I have been looking at references all over the net to make sense of stock investing. That is an admission that I haven't really understood the entire process and yet I relatively poured in a lot. The consolation is that I have always been clear that I'm in it for the long haul. Human emotion takes over once in a while but this is war! No time to think about fairness. Foreign investors pulling out and going back to their turf, this is what hurts us. It's all about the hot money going in and out of the country. It would have been equitable if stock performance hinges solely on your portfolio companies' real worth. Alas, warring perceptions cloud everything.

It's that time of year again when we remember the dead. The dead. That was surreal to me. I used to take death for granted. I have done some pretty bold moves in my personal life in the past but I can hardly picture myself in the same persona at present. The timelines had separated right about the death of my father. That's when I realized death is real in all its essence. Since then I have been aware. All probable causes of losing one's life come flashing in as frequently as the steps one takes every waking hour. Even in slumber the dead comes back to give reminders of our mortality.

The other day I observed two sets of families at the bank and at the train. The kids at the bank were irritatingly playing as if they were in a playground. The parents were right there giving in to the kiddie shenanigan oblivious to the stares of irate clients. The father is an OFW, the expensive watch and the necklaces both his and the wife say it all. He must have just arrived and could not afford emotional sanctions for the kids especially at this time of giving them an early Christmas because in all probability he will be away again soon.

The family at the train is quite impoverished yet there was a sense of resiliency about them and they kept to themselves hardly glancing at the other passengers. I reckon they must have come from the province and were traveling to the city either infrequently or for the first time. The three kids range from 3 to 7 years of age, the youngest carried by the mother with some overweight and cheap bag in tow. The father looked working class, had a serious demeanor and also carried an even more overweight inexpensive luggage. The kids were surprisingly polite even as the little 5 year old girl cried while alternatingly staring at her parents as if pleading something.

The contrast made me try to analyze their actuations and trace these back to their backgrounds and stations in life --- deductions perhaps ala Hercule Peroit (spell check) or ala Hannibal Lecter for the more sinister conclusions.

But being single what struck me the most is the notion that the set of parents were clueless about venturing into having children and their future styles of parenting as I was clueless about what life may offer to a single individual who chose otherwise. As we all are, they are just living their lives as presented to them. No one could have anticipated the nuances of the daily grind. This may seem obvious but ultimately what I am driving at is that as we take our steps forward in life we can never be too confident of our paths. We are confronted with the present despite or inspite of what we did in the past. It's not as easy as cause and effect. It's the random call of the universe tempered only by eons of evolution.

BLANK SLATE

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 09:02:00 +0000

I'm flabbergasted (! - an exclamation for this hifalutin word) by the the changes a week, or even a day, makes. Same time last week I was rushing out from work into the rain and made a decision brought about by my very wet shoes (and feet, of course) to find leisure while bad traffic and rain reign. Saturday, I was not drunk enough at a birthday party to not have returned home safely. I did wake up late in the afternoon Sunday and only left my pad for a massage and back to it to again sleep for the coming work week. In other words, I was busy in a succession of days through the weekend.

But now, on a flyday, I have nowhere in mind to go! It's as if I am suddenly confronted with a white and blank sheet of paper and I have to write what to do in the next two days. I have plans to join a group in next week's Puerto Galera trip and that's too many days away.

This is actually refreshing. And the weather is good. It is as if I am free to do anything at will. I haven't felt this way in a long time. That maybe the reason why this is so astounding to me.

AT RANDOM

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 22 Jun 2013 07:24:00 +0000

Feet are swollen or they feel as if they are. Having endured gout (at a young age, the doctor said, half complimenting I reckon), I am not alarmed at all. My kind of gout is twice or thrice a year and I had it only a little over a month ago. Must be the badminton this morning. But hey, my stamina's been improving. I know I have been a rusty player ever since I got into the game years ago. Years ago was different though. I was younger (obviously) and I have always regarded age as a big factor in everything. Today I am still a shabby player by my standards but I have learned to appreciate the subtleties, both in the playing and in the interpersonal dynamics.

Weekends are reserved for the pursuit of happiness. I can't do the pursuing 24/7. When they say that melancholy makes someone's heart empty for happiness to fill, I believe it is so. Life is always substituting one for the other. Weekends are a hit and miss endeavor. Still, I think that if one pursues happiness, it will come around and linger more. It's because one is more conscious of it when it does come as opposed to just accepting the alternating moods as a matter of course.

The Samsung 7" Galaxy Tab is a week old and my only complaint is about how sensitive the touchscreen mechanism is. It's annoying to touch something you don't intend to; makes you unintentionally "like" someone's post on FB for instance. Otherwise, it is a wonderful gadget and a good buy.

I have blogged about "place addiction" before and I can't seem to recover it from Blogspot. Suddenly I find myself gravitating towards the cinema as an example. Good thing if a great movie is showing like what happened the other day when it was rainy and sensing heavy traffic on Buendia I decided to walk the length of the walkway along De la Rosa and ended up watching "World War Z" at Glorietta. The film is hyped in my opinion because it stars Brad Pitt. The storyline is thin but the special effects are great which in my mind makes a movie great even if other aspects of it aren't. But I am digressing. I was supposed to logically end up in EDSA where presumably there's a better traffic flow at that time than in Buendia. However my feet, when left to themselves, rearrange all the atoms of my body to go to the movies because I may have been so avid a moviegoer that it's become an addiction that gets hold of me. I have to admit an advantage of places like cinemas: architects and building planners do position them in very convenient locations that they can't be missed. It's akin to drug pushers positioning themselves where addicts and potential clients converge in a mutually secure place of business.

Speaking of movies, I heard not from a single source that "Man of Steel" is boring or lacked the excitement of the previous Superman films. I strongly disagree. I only wished they could have used the iconic musical score. Read somewhere that the producers wanted to cut off all ties with the movie's predecessors and that meant getting rid of the original score. Well, it is fine by moi. Still a great movie.

PHILIPPINES MIDTERM ELECTIONS 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 12 May 2013 12:57:00 +0000

The election tomorrow (second Monday of the month of May) is national in scope but does not include choosing a President and a Vice-President. That is why it is described as midterm --- it happens during the middle of the term of the President (or Vice-President). Thus it was three years ago when we elected officials in a presidential election and we shall do so again after another three years.

For me, there is this spirit of being in the middle, of not really taking sides in all the discussed issues in the campaign period. Having said that, perhaps it is coincidental or just a flimsy excuse but I plan to vote for only six (out of a maximum of 12) senatorial candidates. I'm taking the polls literally by half.

Here are my picks for those who care to know:

1. ALCANTARA
2. ANGARA - (*H)
3. BELGICA
4. GORDON - (** but tolerable and does not outweigh my perception that he has been, and will again be, a good senator)
5. MAGSAYSAY (JUN) - (*H)
6. POE - (* because she proclaims her father to have won and therefore technically forms part of a dynasty but that is only "technically" and I still think she is deserving)

And if we can only UNVOTE, these six are definitely those I will UNVOTE for:

1. Binay - */**
2. Ejercito - */**
3. Pimentel - */**/*H
4. Hontiveros - **
5. Maceda - **
6. Villanueva - **

Kanya-kanyang trip lang and these are my perceptions against them:

*Am totally against political dynasty no matter how competent the descendant is. For me, one politician is enough for a family (direct blood relations) within two successive generations (i.e., grandchildren are ok to follow the footsteps of a grandparent). One big exception though: *H or a Harvard degree.

**Nayayabangan ako sa mga itu. Kahambog ug kakatalan ani nila. They come across as arrogant. Again, these are my perceptions and they may in fact be humble people but they haven't been able to project that to me to me to me to me in their various appearances in all sorts of media.

As for the rest of the senatorial candidates (the 21 of the total 33), sorry, they just didn't register!

Yun lang poe!

LSS

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 04 May 2013 11:23:00 +0000

PHILIPPINE STOCK EXCHANGE

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:59:00 +0000

It's exactly been ~~three~~ two years since I took a close relative's advice to invest in our country's stock market. I couldn't be happier with the results.

Aside from having been able to save and sort of fooled myself into it (because otherwise I wouldn't have the will to do it without the extra motivation of earning more, greedy as I am, admittedly), I profited a whooping 30% of my total investment so far. And these are not unrealized earnings from my portfolio. These are "real" profits because I have withdrawn them. My personal strategy is that I wouldn't withdraw more than ~~my total investment~~ my accumulated profits so that at any given time my portfolio should be more than, or at least equal to, the total amount invested.

For those who are unaware and are curious, I use an online account. Gone are the days when investors used to have brokers actually trading on the floors of the stock exchange. Picture those busy stockbrokers inside a noisy and large open space inside a building with phone lines galore. They are now largely replaced by a website! I use COL Financial as recommended by my "angel" of a relative.

My portfolio now consists of 60% blue chips and 40% other stocks that I chose out of the blue (though they are not blue, lol). I have since "retired" two of my original blue chip stocks because I felt I needed the cash and gathered from various sources that it was a good time to sell them. Mind you, these sources are not very technical at all --- they are mostly random people with educated guesses. Although I am into a financial profession, I really don't like analyzing huge technical data available for the determined investor.

As of now, I have three "leading" stocks with profits in the double digits and waiting for my decision to once again reap. I am setting a certain amount of profit as target. This time my new strategy would be to just sell the equivalent number of stocks to the amount of profit thereby not "retiring" a stock entirely. That way, if the price rises some more in the future, more profits can be gained.

Waiting to get reaped are SMPH, NIKL, and ALI. To know more about the companies behind these abbreviations, go to COL Financial now and satisfy your curiosity!

STRING THEORY

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:53:00 +0000

It's fascinating to say the least. And what terms! Supersymmetry, Superstring...almost like Superman or Superstar, words very familiar and denoting things fantastical and popular in our culture. That these are described in the superlative means that we are dealing with extremes. Basically, literally and figuratively, extremely (or as scientists would say, infinitely) small and large things.

I found and promptly bought two books from Hawking. I haven't had much success with Greene. But YouTube videos (dubbed as NOVA series hosted by Greene) are excellent replacements and they may even be more understandable. But I get sleepy every time and in fact always snoozed when I watched the hour-long videos. I don't know why. One would think that reading a book promotes drowsiness more than moving pictures. It has, I suspect, something to do with a personal phenomenon of mine sleeping during even the most action-packed sequences in practically any movie I saw inside a movie house.

So it would seem that my interest in String Theory is forever saddled with (1) inaccessibility of reference material, (2) personal physical limitations including underdeveloped mathematical ability and short attention span (sleepiness), and (3) psychological pressure.

Psychological pressure. I feel that all problems in life are solved if only I could understand what eminent scientists know about the theory of everything. It promises a solution to the age-old question of where we came from. I think that if we can understand with a decent sense of certainty (despite the so-called uncertainty principle) how and why we exist, we are in a better (or, in the best) position to deal with all our perceived problems, personal or en masse. Of course, other people swear by religion. For them, everything is clear and being guided by the divine. For me, though, there is psychological pressure. Because I have been thrown into the specific life I am living in which I am not satisfied by deity in explaining existence. Adding to the pressure is the conflict between desire/yearning for knowledge and my previously mentioned limitations.

But there is a silver lining (not related to the movie, hehe). I imagine that my predicament is inherent in humans. So I don't necessarily have to blame myself if for the life of me I could not understand a single mathematical equation central to theoretical physics. Kaluza-Klein theory, anyone? G_{\mu\nu} = 8\pi T_{\mu\nu}, what the hell does this mean? I'll try to explain. (The silver lining, not the equations.)

Math geniuses exist. They are the proponents of the various theories of everything. They validate results of experiments and the rest of the world would know from their efforts the level at which humanity has achieved scientific progress. As of the moment, these mathematicians and physicists admit that humanity is nowhere near a complete explanation of everything. In their superior intelligence, after centuries of effort and specialization and devotion, they still could not get to the basic component of matter. String Theory remains a candidate, not nearly the graduate. My theory is this. Geniuses though they are, we are all the same. Understanding of our existence is in direct proportion to our personal abilities. A religious person who is steadfast in his faith does not care much about atoms and gluons --- he is pretty clear and should feel no pressure whatsoever and should be able to face head on (and solve) whatever problems he may encounter --- as long as he lives "by every word that comes from the mouth of God." But this religious person must also struggle with his faith. There are no sacred cows. He is no different from a scientist struggling to prove gravitons and the higgs boson. He is no different from me who is very much interested in science but is stifled by limitations and therefore also struggles to have a glimpse of the physicist's realm. The struggles may not be equal but they are equivalent. And I dare say that the intensity of hunger and/or incompleteness is the same. The following is my favorite analogy. A beggar/destitute finds a ten-peso coin on the street and is naturally elated by it. The pleasant surprise that he feels is equivalent to the feeling of a person who is better-off financially and who suddenly wins a million-peso prize. Ten pesos and a million pesos are obviously not equal. But relative to the financial conditions of the two persons, the emotional effect on them can be said to be equivalent.

To sum it up, we are all in the same plane. The key is in the living. I will live inspired by what the future brings in terms of discoveries about String Theory and hoping for its resolution in my lifetime even if I will always be in the fringes as an ordinary citizen awaiting news from CERN. Just as Hawking is inspired to continue his monumental scientific work despite the physical disability (motor neurone disease). Just as the pious live a divinity-inspired life.

SILVER LINING

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 10:41:00 +0000

I thought the film was uneven but the Oscar-nominated and -winning (Lawrence) performances are deserving of the accolades. I like the fact that Jacki Weaver is an Australian who must in real life be very different from her American character in the movie. As a whole, I find the movie contrived in some parts but spontaneous in other areas especially the scenes between the two main characters. Jennifer Lawrence's role was kinda under-developed, meaning, one doesn't really know her motivations throughout the movie; it's as if it was always assumed that the audience would know. Maybe it had something to do with the production focusing more on the male lead. In which case Lawrence would still be deserving of an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. (Depriving Anne Hathaway of an Oscar because of that is another story.)

I also thought the title is unusual and unappealing and then realized it grows on you. It's like a song you don't like at first but later go LSS with it. Once in a while, it is inspiring to watch movies like this that tackle the human condition no matter how melodramatic they can seem sometimes. One idea I get from watching is that in our country, it is worlds away compared to America when it comes to how society deals with "crazy" people. They just don't get the attention and respect here.

EINSTEIN IN YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 07:11:00 +0000

From Mort Orman, M.D., a remarkable insight about how Einstein "discovered" E=MC Squared:

"...I admire this story not because it relates to the science of physics, but because it relates very directly to you and me. It relates to who we are as human beings. It relates to our own capacities to think, reason, and understand how life really works. It even relates to how much stress we experience. Knowing how Einstein arrived at E=MC2 helps us appreciate that we are all capable of achieving similar breakthroughs. Each of us is capable of waking up one day and realizing that:

1. The truth about life may not be what we've been told;
2. The truth about life may be very different than what most learned people believe;
3. We don't always need proof, evidence, or the agreement of others to embrace a new "truth" if we have good reason to believe in its utility.

Look back over your own life for a moment. Aren't there times when you saw some truth other people couldn't see or refused to acknowledge? Weren't there moments when everyone around you all thought or felt the same way, but you had the courage to see things differently...and you were eventually proven right? Bet you didn't know you had some Einstein in you!..." READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE

CHANGE OF BLOG ADDRESS

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 08:07:00 +0000

This was not a conscious effort. Today, out of a number things I could have done online, I chose to change my blog address. As I said I did not consciously set out to do this. It just occurred to me to change it. No big deal but certainly something to blog about. But why? Because I can. Honestly, as I was signing on to this blog, I immediately saw SETTINGS and absentmindedly I pressed on it --- that's when I saw I could actually change blog address on a whim!

Anyway, I guess this is for the better. I feel some people cringe at the hubris of using "accountingtopbestschool." I do too but did not act on it for years. The new address is simple and one I certainly own: http://www.basnavarro.blogspot.com.

BLOGGING IS A NARCISSISTIC ENDEAVOR

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 09:40:00 +0000

I blog because I fancied myself to be a writer of great caliber and thought my grammar was exceptional for a non-native user of the language. I often used the word "I" right in the first sentence showing how important I must be. (The reader will not miss the intention.) Authorship is brandished for fear that someone else might take credit for what I created, made time for, and showcased.

It's been said that many writers had been taught that in order to become a better writer, they had to write more. I agree --- in addition to an already formed self-awareness that I am a natural writer. This conceit must have come from school where there had been teachers early on who found potential in me on this aspect. I built on those a priori events which encouraged me to want to hone the craft.

I am a narcissist, no doubt. An expert offers the following signs of an unhealthy ego. (Someone like me?)

“I have a high opinion of myself”
“You will never meet anyone like me”
“No-one does these things as well as I do”
“I can do anything better than anyone else”
“There is nothing I can’t do”
“I am not treated as an equal”
“You have no idea of how much I am capable of”
Running co-workers and other people’s capabilities down
Pointing out other people’s faults when someone else compliments another person
Failing to recognise the gifts, achievements and talents of others
Never discussing how good or capable other people are
Incapable of listening to other people’s conversations without butting in with own experiences and examples (Story topping)
Expressing anger when you acknowledge other people’s capabilities rather than his or hers.
Not asking other people questions and having an interest in their life, making conversations about self
Making ‘I am unique and special’ statements
Requires constant approval and recognition
Feeling angered and unsupported when not receiving constant approval and recognition
Displaying a loud, defensive or uncomfortable demeanour when meeting new people, whilst interacting with these people (not comfortable as ‘self’)

But here’s the thing: I am NOT those descriptions, in all honesty. Or at least not in the league of those ardent practitioners of such habits of behavior making them their mantra. And remember, denial is nowhere in the list thereby saying a lot about my contention.

That's the bombshell. I thought narcissism was me. I never ran away from it, even embracing the fact that I am a narcissist. I am a narcissist and I am wrong, the latter supplanting the former.

Recent events made me realize this. I will thus welcome the new year with a much appreciated bit of enlightenment. I don't like fuzzy. This one is crystal clear.

2012 REBOOT

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 07:39:00 +0000

I always have a tongue-in-cheek attitude towards apocalyptic predictions though I must admit that at times they do make me seriously ponder the age-old question of the existence of the afterlife. What is clear is the present spanning what has been our lives (read: human existence) so far. Previous to that and the future that follows in a linear universe are as vague as can be.

For some physicists, we may have just been rebooted in so seamless a fashion that nobody noticed. This idea interests me, part of my general curiosity about physics. If a computer can be rebooted, so can we. "The Matrix" movies may have been old but the idea is timeless and current.

It's Christmas once again and life continues in its endless cycle. I don't have to elaborate my attitude towards Christmas. It suffices to say that I find Arthur C. Clarke's "The Star" fascinating especially his suggestion that the star of Bethlehem that represents a major cornerstone of Christianity is actually light from a supernova (read: destruction). What irony!

On a personal level, I do not operate well under fuzzy conditions. This maybe the reason why I try to find clarity from the physical sciences. I do recognize that clarity can come from religion as well as synthetic means. Anything that works to gain understanding is fine by me. If something is not clear and confusing, I tend to get nervous and worrisome.

Lately, I've been a bit depressed. There are a variety of reasons and as I can't pinpoint the major one, they may have been equally responsible. To the seeming horror of some friends, I bought a GNC product, St. John's Wort, as a Christmas present to myself. Took about a dozen capsules since then and I am hoping that what I feel different is the positive effect I am yearning for.

If there's a perpetual New Year's wish I want granted it is that I will be clear and enlightened about little things and big things, about what it means to be alive as an individual and as part of the collective. I wish to once and for all know if we are just rebooted and rebooted. And to never again look up in the night sky and ask the stars "What are you?"

ROBIN HANSON

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 08:40:00 +0000

I am a fan of Robin Hanson. His work is always intellectually stimulating, albeit quite challenging to understand or comprehend. But with effort, I think I can follow his sometimes complex ideas. I feel more alive and I think I am a better person after reading these:

Robin Hanson's Blog "Overcoming Bias"
http://www.overcomingbias.com/2012/10/on-play-hell.html

Our activities split into work and play. And positive and negative extremes are described as heavens and hells. So there are four possible work-play extremes: work heaven, work hell, play heaven, and play hell.

Among common scenarios we discuss and imagine, we know of many work hells, such as galley slaves. We have fewer work heavens, such as where one gets work credit for a play-like activity. We also have a great many play heavens. But we rarely talk about play hells.

But consider: it might take you years to find out that you are embarrassingly bad at your chosen hobby or sport. The radical science theory you pursue for decades could just be just wrong. You might go out dancing every evening hoping to catch someone’s attention, only to always see him or her go home with someone else. Your so-called best friend could spread nasty rumors about you. Your kids could despise you. Your lover could cheat on you. You could get divorced. These are play hells, most every bit as hellishness as typical work hells.

In the US today, only 14% (24/168) of adult hours each week are devoted to formal work. Since we devote far more time to play than work, I’d guess that most of the actual hells around us are play hells. Yet such play hells seem neglected. There are far fewer charities devoted to helping folks cope with them. And there are far fewer regulations designed to reduce them. The law also slights them – rarely can one sue about harms that arise from romance and friendship. Storybook heroes that sally off to rid the world of work hells far more often than play hells.

I suspect we inherited this tendency from our foragers ancestors. Foragers have many rules about fights, hunts, and sharing the product of work, but far fewer rules on romance and friends. To foragers, work was more overt, play more covert.

Wikipedia entry on "The Great Filter"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Filter

With no evidence of intelligent life other than ourselves, it appears that the process of starting with a star and ending with "advanced explosive lasting life" must be unlikely. This implies that at least one step in this process must be improbable. Hanson's list, while incomplete, describes the following nine steps in an "evolutionary path" that results in the colonization of the observable universe:

(1.) The right star system (including organics and potentially habitable planets)
(2.) Reproductive molecules (e.g., RNA)
(3.) Simple (prokaryotic) single-cell life
(4.) Complex (archeatic and eukaryotic) single-cell life
(5.) Sexual Reproduction
(6.) Multi-cell life
(7.) Tool-using animals with big brains
(8.) Where we are now
(9.) Colonization Explosion

According to the Great Filter hypothesis at least one of these steps - if the list were complete - must be improbable. If it's not an early step (i.e. in our past), then the implication is that the improbable step lies in our future and our prospects of reaching step 9 (interstellar colonization) are still bleak.

If the past steps are likely, then many civilizations would have developed to the current level of the human race. However, none appear to have made it to step 9, or the Milky Way would be full of colonies. So perhaps step 9 is the unlikely one, and the only thing that appears likely to keep us from step 9 is some sort of catastrophe or the resource exhaustion leading to impossibility to make the step due to consumption of the available resources (like for example highly constrained energy resources).

So by this argument, finding life on Mars (provided it evolved independently) would be bad news, since it would imply steps 2–6 are easy, and hence only 1, 7, 8 or 9 (or some unknown step) could be the big problem.

Although steps 1–7 have occurred on Earth any one of these may be unlikely. If the first seven steps are necessary preconditions to calculating the likelihood using the local environment then an observer can infer nothing about the general probabilities from its pre-determined surroundings.

OPT OUT

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:06:00 +0000

Choosing not to be involved in, or part of, anything has its consequences. Serious involvements have serious repercussions to those who fail. The successful ones, however, have bragging rights. But that is all there is to it. You can proclaim your happiness to the world because someone 'completed' you and your union is strong; because you have a strong sense of belonging to an organization that shares your passions; and because you have accomplished great things and earned titles, trophies and labels by participating in many of life's competitions. After the proclamation, or proclamations (because there could be many in your lifetime), you die. And whatever your beliefs are in the afterlife, after death: you either have a clean slate, those triumphant moments never to return, or you simply stop being and nobody cares about your accomplishments because they don't mean anything without you or anyone else appreciating them.

I have come to realize those to be true. That is why I could be a hermit and I couldn't care less.

Choosing to be alone most of the time, unwilling to immerse into the rat race, I strive for balance. In the daily grind, a sense of humor saves me from normally frustrating and annoying situations.

I was going to throw out the garbage and locked the door of my pad without the keys. Early on I was irritated by some noisy students working on their school project with bits and pieces and what have you. They were conveniently and completely occupying the hallway in front of my door and my nearest neighbor's. One of them is apparently a relative of my nearest neighbor and got permission. They forgot to get permission from someone who is ultimately subsidizing the entire building's rental by his being alone in his unit while the rest of the units in all three floors average four people. They sway and move their things in angles to let me pass and murmur apologetically but I hold a stern face to show my displeasure. I am a snob that way. I have no inclination to make social gestures with these students and my neighbor who tolerates them. In fact I don't want to have anything to do with them except that I couldn't choose my neighbors for as long as I am content having my residence in the apartment building.

A few seconds after conceiving my forgetfulness, I decided to go ahead, never looked back, went down and dumped the garbage. I would have yelled 'Shit! I forgot the keys!' right then and there but that would mean soliciting sympathy from the very people I don't want to have anything to do with. So I proceeded, silently embarrassed and frustrated. As I threw the garbage on the designated pile in the street outside, I kept thinking if I had a spare key inside my belt bag and if none, how I would go about sleeping tonight and preparing to go to work tomorrow without access to my pad. And then it struck me. I would not be stressed by this. Shit happens and life is fleeting. I wouldn't waste my time obsessing about how clumsy and stupid I had been leaving the keys hanging behind the door they are supposed to open. Still, I didn't want to have anything to do with the damn students. Maybe I could find a twig somewhere or a wire long enough to get to the keys though the windowsill. But I would do that only after they're gone. I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of looking at me while I awkwardly fetch the keys. (Here comes the Grinch trying hard to open his door while we desperately move our things to clear his path.)

And so I had to blog about this, spent a few hours in an internet cafe to while away until the students got through their night's quota of schoolwork from hell. Hopefully they're gone by 23:30, my appointed time limit at this cafe...

My actuation in this case perfectly makes sense to me. And it actually amuses me. We have to enjoy life while we can and whenever we can. Even if it means opting out.

POSTSCRIPT. 02:00. They are still there and I am marooned inside a 24-hour internet cafe. Earlier at the Baclaran night market, bought P100 worth of paraphernalia: a toy basketball net for toddlers and a plastic curtain rod. Might as well net these hellish students ahead of the keys!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 06:51:00 +0000

Happy 1st Birthday to my niece on September 30, 2012!

S A C U V I   Z   E L A P E D A A Ñ N A V A

SABA                                             MEGAN XAPPHIRE
CUECO                                         ESPINOZA
VIOLETA                        GURREA
ZERNA                                           AÑORA
LATORRE                                        NAVARRO
PEREZ
DAEL
AÑORA
NAVARRO

WHAT IS ZERO?

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 11:24:00 +0000

In my hurried research about the question, I came across what I think is a brilliant discussion about this fascinating 'thing' called ZERO.

From Joshua Bell (www.ted.com/conversations):

"Zero exists in math, in statistics, and in our personal comparisons, but my problem has always been 0 in nature. I guess a more accurate description would be trying to find "nothing." As has been stated, 0 Kelvin would cause what would basically be a violation of everything known about science, and probably cause Heisenberg's zombie to go on a rampage. So zero can describe things in math, a midpoint between some assigned negative and positive coordinates. But what actually is zero in nature? Sure you can use zero with an identity of forces, the block doesn't move if I push left and you push right with the exact same force. But that's because we assign the identity 1 to the desk, and movement as 0 in our macroscopic sense. It's not actually a nature 0 though, the desk is made of atoms in constant vibration. Another thing that's always got me is space. One of the unsolved problems in physics is the theory of gravity, ironically the most well formulated and least understood of the forces. Gravity by basically saying every particle interacts with every particle in the universe, of course decreasing exponentially with distance, but still interacting. How though? and through what? and what exactly is force? I'm only a senior in college going for a physics major, but the concept of relating math 0 to nature 0 has been a fairly constant thought throughout. Like how the atom is described, a dense nucleus with a rotating electron, but the distance between the nucleus and electron is vast. Well what's in the space between? obviously they're interacting, but through what? So what confuses me the most is that there's never nothing, the universe is full of particles and forces and fields which move, oscillate, radiate, vibrate, but never completely STOP. So what exactly is 0?"

THOUGHT PORN

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 09:21:00 +0000

In daily life, the nitty-gritty always confounds me. But fortunately not to the point that I couldn't function properly enough to get done whatever it is I'm confronted with. At least to external observers, everything seem unremarkable, out of the ordinary. In my mind, however, automatic thought processes following an act or deed begin. And they are often perplexing, mixed-up. It would need additional thoughts to counter them before I'd settle into either a compromise to stop the internal debate or postponing the inward discussion for later. If there is such a thing as 'poverty porn,' then what I do is 'thought porn.'

It is not by any means entirely detrimental to my health that I have overarching and instinctive thought processes. It has served me well in some occasion where I'm satisfied with the compromise. It is always a compromise when you battle with yourself: no clear winner or loser. After all, neither outcome can occur at the same time; unless you subscribe to Hawking's concept of alternate universes.

What am I talking about and can I be any clearer?

To answer that, I need to elaborate on a specific instance. My pad is located in a messy apartment complex in the middle of a bustling commercial, albeit poverty-stricken, part of the metropolis. To deglamorize it further, it's kinda akin to ghettos of say, New York City or Paris, only more rundown, more impoverished. It is not unusual for me to arrive in the dead of night, sometimes overextending to the next day before sunrise. We have 'natural' security guards in the form of squatters living off the small area in front of the pathway leading to the cul-de-sac that stops right to the main doorway of the apartment complex. Our guards sell street stuff by day and sleep right there by night. I don't mingle with them but other tenants do. Their condition, though forced on us, appears to gain legitimacy by the fact that the building owner does not seem to mind and some tenants are 'bribed' with small errands and a little help to the postman to deliver mails to proper recipients. I have judged these people with all my heart. I have given them voices in my head. In the spirit of fair play, they have legal representation in my mind, their case difficult to defend in reality. We do hear news of squatter demolitions served by the proper sheriff but in our little part of the world, it is psychological. So I pass them by without looking directly in their faces. They feign affection or familiarity, I can sense by the body language. But I act cold and distant because in my thoughts, I already formed a compromise. I will not initiate action and will not utter a single slur against them for as long as they stay timid and not intrepid in my presence. They will act as they are, our 'natural' guards and harmless.

In the office setting, in various other situations that form part of our waking hours, and even in dreams and nightmares, issues come up for analyses through the automatic thought process. If no compromise is reached, the struggle to understand and find reason continue.

I am hoping that I will form the right judgments. Our decisions in small and big ways constitute our time spent alive. We have less than a century to battle with ourselves. Our thoughts will become our actions, our actions will become our personalities, our personalities will become the persons we are in the eyes of God (if you believe in one), in the eyes of aliens (if they have a pair or set) and in the eyes of all that is capable of observing (including our very selves).

If only we can improve on our thought processes so that we will become the best that we can be. Isn't that one of the ultimate human aspirations, to be the best? Alas, it's a struggle. We are obviously imperfect. Even scientific geniuses make many mistakes. We can only accept, not regret.

MONSOON IN MY MIND

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:12:00 +0000

There are times when I just keep on thinking --- of various themes and thoughts too many to mention in a snap --- that I lose track of time, and sometimes, space. Looking at the built-in cellphone clock, I stare without comprehension; the same old feeling when during cramming time in school, you stare at words from a textbook/notebook to understand and hopefully memorize and you just can't because your brain is too busy dealing with the pressure of studying. But lately, pressure is being replaced by, it's only now blogging about it that I realize, the many stacks of issues playing in my head about which little has been shared to other people. Not that I couldn't talk endlessly and invade your senses by my monologue given the right timing but that these are mostly trivial stuff (albeit sometimes with grander implications) that I seem to relish creating in my head. You don't talk of these things extemporaneously in my opinion, you internalize them.

In light of the monsoon season in Metro Manila and the unprecedented damage it has wrought so far, I'm sharing a thought.

The media as represented by the most visible of them all - television - seem to have schadenfreude during disasters. They are bearers of bad news, no less than the President himself criticizes them as such in a recent dressing down in a speech pointed at a former Vice-President who now returns to his original vocation. I agree with P-Noy.

Worse, media have once again its crowning glory during the last few days of flooding. Yes they mobilize donations, help create awareness, etc. But they sensationalize. And the look in the faces of the news anchors and reporters, with their expensive-looking jackets and "bad-weather" paraphernalia (to figure these out, try watching our local TV news shows), it does not match a bit with the inherent sadness of what they are broadcasting. I think if I were one of the flood victims they are featuring and watch myself on TV, I will feel offense and degradation. Nobody's outwardly insulting but the actions are subtle; you can only analyze and conclude after watching the news almost every night.

Perhaps part of the general culture. The "haves and have-nots" mentality due to the great economic divide of this country manifesting itself into television becoming a medium wherein economic superiority is brandished by those who made it (i.e. highly-paid newscasters) to the rest of the populace (i.e. flood victims).

WHAT IF?

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 12:44:00 +0000

What if Skycable didn't have problems in our area today and yesterday while I was at my pad eager to watch TV? What effects, cosmic or otherwise, could missed TV shows have in my life? If an airplane fell down on the apartment (something not impossible to happen in our vicinity) and I was there instead of here (blogging outside at a survivable distance where wifi is available), is it serendipitous or plain old luck? What if it's something deeper, more profound?

This makes me digress to how indeed we haven't been in control from the very beginning. Control freaks freak even more. No matter how hard we try, some things are meant and are not meant to happen. Believers in destiny rejoice. And it feels kinda liberating to think that destiny strikes both ways. All our perceived past mistakes, the ones we subscribe to youth because we couldn't bear to take the responsibility, they have all been facts in our lives --- no ifs and buts about it --- they happened to us because they were once negative possibilities that eventually became reality. So do our lucky moments, the happy times of our lives.

How much did you lose financially in the past 5, 10, 20 years due to bad decisions, wrong moves that cost a lot, unforeseen circumstances that made you lose money? P50,000, P1,000,000...? It doesn't and shouldn't matter except for one thing. If one can assign a value to these losses and realizes that there is no way, absolutely no way, that you would have that amount today had it not for those reasons, then one feels no regret because you aren't destined to hold that amount today anyway. And why is there absolutely no way you would otherwise have the amount of loss if you hadn't "lost" them? It's because you would not have those losses if you didn't have money to lose in the first place. What you had was "money to lose," not necessarily money that you will have if you have not lost them.

There are simply too many complicated factors that govern one's everyday life. We were never in control and never will be. Everything is all up in the Higgs field and the bosons controlling it if you are into this stuff. Else, everything is all up to God and the extremely influential psychology that does the controlling if you are into the divine.

BIRKIN SCAMMER

noreply@blogger.com (Bas Nav Sacuvizelapedanav) — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 17:16:00 +0000

Manila or its so-called "high society" is abuzz about the Birkin Scammer. Read the link.

Assuming you read the link or you already knew the story, the main subject 'Shiela' is no longer a mystery. It doesn't take a genius to search for her identity which is just lurking around the net. The supposed reason for the secrecy is that legal action is yet to be filed against her. But I doubt that a lawsuit can prosper given the circumstances. Extremely rich people will never come out in the open and testify that they have been singlehandedly scammed by this woman. And the fact that the story unfolded months ago (February of this year) proves that indeed the circumstances make it difficult to prosecute the alleged crime.

My beef really is not whether justice is served or not. This situation punctuates the disparity between the wealthy and the poor in this country. For us who are not (even in our wildest dreams) part of 'high society,' all we can sometimes do is drool over the tale of millions of pesos involved in a scam brought about by a bag or a purse or whatever you call this branded piece of accessory that had long become a status symbol the world over. Mommy Dionesia marked her transition from poor to rich with this bag. Not a car, not a house, but a bag! And not just a bag, it is one that could fetch up to P6 million a piece.

For the uninitiated, see Wiki's entry for BIRKIN.

Postscript. I will be trying to 'analyze' my Stats with this entry. Let's see if this story sustains interest.