(Ed. Note - after months in the cave, I’ve decided this is the perfect story to emerge.  I think you’ll agree and vomit in your mouth.)

Victoria Beckham will be appearing on SpongeBob Square Pants in 2010!   Yes.  I’m ecstatic as well!  No, there won’t be a character created in her image named Toothpick Sally or Bulimic Belinda – but she will be the voice over for Queen Amphitrite, goddess of the sea. 

 The former Spice Girl and current fashionista, who’s already appeared on ABC’s Ugly Betty, is lending her voice to a character on Nickelodeon’s hit cartoon SpongeBob Square Pants, a rep for the show confirms to PEOPLE.

Beckham, 34, will play Queen Amphitrite, goddess of the sea, in a half-hour episode called “Neptune’s Party,” scheduled to air in summer 2010.  [People.com]

Now…back to doing normal stuff.  Just had to get that off my chest.  Ok. Bye.

A lil’ drunken/danked separated at birth for your weekend pleasure…. basically Separated At Birth with a Drinking Impairs Judgement twist.

Toronto Raptor’s Chris Bosh over-danked.  Yo, “eyes open!” Big Daddy!  

And Pookie from New Jack City losing it outside The Carter.

Steeler’s Jeff Reed hammered in Florida back in ‘07.  This is an NFL kicker?!

And the Man, the Weesel, Pauly Shore.   Surprisingly, I believe he’s sober there.

Tamba Bay Buc’s QB Jeff Garcia – obviously after a few cocktails with that pose.  

 Oh….the creature on the right is the winner of 2006 Ugliest Dog Contest, Sam.   Yes, it is real.

The winner of the 2006 Ugliest Dog, Sam.  

Oh….the creature on the right is Courtney Love.  Yes, she is real.

The Geico Caveman and Steve Na…..oops, sorry, left to right I mean Steve Nash and the Geico Caveman.   Oh, Steve Nash is pictured with Dirk Nowitzki, his former Dallas Mavericks teammate, and another random dude with a large mandible.

The Land of the Lost Sleestack and Dirk Nowit…..oops, sorry, left to right I mean Dirk Nowitzki and the Land of the Lost Sleestack.   Oh, there’s that dude again with the large mandible.

THANKS TO DRUNK ATHLETES FOR USE OF THE PHOTOS.

Jim Carrey really handled his comedy back in the mid-to-late 90’s.  A classic that is worth a 21st century look-see is this basketball scene from the movie Cable Guy.  You’ll notice Jack Black – before he made it big – as the extra getting dunked on by Carrey.  Mind you, I use the word big loosely.

Not sure what is more embarrassing for Black.  This scene or that monstrosity of collage of a riddle wrapped inside an enigma disguised as a blockbuster movie called King Kong.  You know what…we should call that duel a draw.  Let’s just rack Tenacious D alongside Envy as the cinematic horrors/embarrassments of the new century and wish I never mentioned any of this.

The recently traded Allen Iverson had is second favorite topic come up at the press conference introducing him as a new Detroit Piston — practice?!   Check out the YouTube above.   Oh, what’s the biggie about practice?!  Check out the YouTube HERE.   Oh, AND Iverson’s first favorite topic?  You’ll have to see HERE.  But, shhhhhh!  It’s kinda of secret I share with Allen….so, please….let’s keep it on the DL.

Yeah!  Global Warming rules!   Cow-a-bunga!

In addition to rising sea-levels and surfing off the coast of St. Louis in 2050, surfers have Alaskan glacial swells to look forward to in the interim.   I’m stoked.  Can’t wait to paddle out in 35 degree water, in a rubber cocoon of a wetsuit, so I can eat shit and crack my head on ice…

The president of the Dominican Republic recently announced that he would be taking drastic measures to attract foreign investments to his Caribbean country.  In addition to putting the entire $300 million GDP into a three-month CD — ok, maaayyybe not — he has appointed major league baseball’s Sammy Sosa as the country’s ambassador of foreign investment.

Sosa, who has said he plans to announce his retirement from baseball soon, will be responsible for attracting U.S. investors to the Caribbean country for project development.

“I am very proud of this designation,” Sosa told The Associated Press by e-mail on Wednesday. “I hope to contribute greatly.”  [STORY]

Rumors are swirling that in addition to Sosa’s role as an investment liaison for the Dominican, he will be opening a chain of bakeries on the impoverished island.  At a press conference, Sosa reasoned, “I love my country. And I love donuts. I used to love beisbol.  But beisbol not so good to me lately.  But donuts always be good to me.” Reporters then responded in unison with a resounding, “WTF!!”

I’m a big fan of the coconut.  Sprinkle that shaved shit over ice cream and I’m in heaven.  Now, mix coconuts in with Japanese television and weird white dudes and I’m in hog-heaven.   If you cut to the 3:37 mark of the video above you get to the Guinness Book of World Record performance for crushing coconuts with your fist.  Cut to the 0:01 mark of the video above and you get a glimpse of the absurdity/brilliance of Japanese television.  Bless dem buggers.

Vice-President candidate Sarah Palin was quite the studette for her high school hoop squad in 1982.   So much so, that she was nicknamed Sarah Barracudawhen she led Wasilla High School to the Alaska state championship.  Her back-court mate had this to say about their ‘82 Alaskan run for glory:

“The final game was kind of surreal,” said Katy Allers, who played in the back-court with Palin. “We never thought we would make it that far. It was just unbelievable.”   [LINK]

And you thought the Republicans didn’t stand a chance?!  I can empathize with feeling kind of surreal when it relates to Palin.  As I’m sure her former co-workers probably feel about her current run for the White House.  You know the co-workers….the fry-cook, hostesses, and over-weight belly hangin’ over the belt-line managers at the Wasilla Hooters.  Reportedly, when she waited there, she invented the Maverickky Hot-Wings and served them with a wink and saying, “these go great with a six-pack, Joe.” 

God I love how I titled this story!  Smart I be.

The tantalizing sexy Megan Fox admitted to GQ that she went through a period in her life where she had a lesbian affair.  Not only that — hold on to your fruit-of-the-loom briefs – but it was with a Sunset strip stripper (say that ten times fast). 

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided—oh man; sorry, Mommy!—that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time—I would go there by myself. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration—like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”  [link]

And then….you ‘pulled her pants down and went to town’, right?  Jesus…”sound bites of inspiration”?!  That’s it?!  I had my pants down around my shoes at “perfume, body spray, girlie stuff”…and then you throw out Dr. Phil on me?!   I’m such a sucker for an ill-fated lesbian story.