PartMule off on Friday, 6/27/08 

I’ve got my squad working tirelessly on content for next week.   But…little bastards…their contracts have this “recess” clause, which I don’t find amusing!   Afternoon milk and cookies, whaaat?!  My contracts team is officially fired!!

As Tom Cruise can attest, Scientology has this ability to draw out the gay side of a man.  And – case in point – John Travolta’s recent foray into cross-dressing (see Hairspray) has gotta make ya wonder even further. 

And….now, Will Smith, arguably the world’s most popular actor, goes on David Lettermen and is smacking lips with the host?!  (see 1:30 mark of the video)  And, as you know, Smith and Cruise are jummy jummy…hmm?  It’s gotta make you wonder where all the great male actors have gone!  The Rock Hudson’s and Tony Curtis’ of the acting world will never live again!  Fuckin’ L. Ron!

As is the customary rite-of-passage when offices close in Italy, employees are given exit interviews by Human Resources, paid-out unused vacation, hopefully given fat severance checks (well…good enough), and play bocce!  This rich tradition has only recently made it over to the states and has replaced office whiffle ball as the #1 close-of-office ritual.  

The reason for bocce’s rise?  It’s fairly simple.  Improved office services state-side.  The swift break-down of office cubes has enabled robust playin’ surfaces prior to the actual office close date.  AND…it’s damn fun bouncin’ that sucker around the 18th floor for those 17th floor office trolls to wonder “what the f*ck is going on up there!”

UPDATE:  Apparently, building engineers DO NOT appreciate the bocce high-toss.  Our “Around the 18th Floor” tournament was cut short this afternoon…bastards.

When it comes to John Daly, I’m surprised that this beer can/golf tee activity hasn’t been captured on film before.  Playing with Kid Rock at the Buick Open Pro-Am makes this kind of activity a no-brainer.  Literally.  These guys have no brain cells remaining.  Ok…Ok…that’s not possible.  Maybe a few are still swimmin’ around in those caves called craniums.

FYI — I tried to find the YouTube of Daly teeing-up a Marlboro red a few years back, but I’m having trouble locating it.  If I remember correct, he kind of scolded it, so he went with a Marlboro 100 on the next hole…blasted it 350, dead-center.  Very true story…you can’t make this shit up.

Props: SbB

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SEXY BEAST JOHN DALY NAKED!

GOLFERS SHOULD BE FAT PEOPLE THAT SMOKE AND DRINK HEAVILY

ROMO, TIMBERLAKE, LAUER TACKLE TORRY ADMIRABLY

The year was 1986.  The space shuttle Columbia exploded.  MLK’s birthday became a national holiday. The Chicago Bears shuffled to the Super Bowl.  The Chernobyl nuclear plant exploded.   Mike Tyson wins his first world boxing title.  And Len Bias died.

There are very few moments in your life that are stamped and engrained in your memory.  Where you were. What the day was like. Who you were with.  I so vividly remember that day on June 19th outside my Mom’s house.  My buddy running up to me, just two-days after Lenny got drafted by the hated Celtics, telling me that Lenny had died. My heart sunk. “What?!”  I couldn’t move. “Nah, man!”  I was devastated.

Reluctantly, since I’m a die-hard Laker fan, I had just come to terms with the fact that Lenny was just drafted by the bastard Celtics. It was tough to watch the hated Celtics just win the NBA title that year…AND get the 2nd pick in the NBA draft…AND get LEN BIAS!!  The Celtics went 67-15 that year…AND they got LEN BIAS!!  What a crock.  Completely unfair.  The specimen of all basketball specimens was going to the Celts?!  Fuck.

I had watched Lenny with a passion coming up with the Maryland Terrapins.  As a kid, I lived outside College Park and had gone to many games at Cole Field House…I had always been a Terp fan…and had followed the squad even from afar after moving to California - Adrian Branch, Buck Williams, Ben Coleman, Albert King…and especially Lenny Bias. 

We used to play dunk hoops in late high school and early college.  We used to try an emulate our favorite players moves, shots, walk…everything.  Who did I try and emulate?  Well…check out the 1:26 spot on the video above.  I swear, I was watchin’ that very game, that block, and you can hear the massive Lenny scream “Gimme dat!”  That’s what I remember.  That was what I “tried” to emulate (remember…were talking dunk hoops).  That’s what I miss. 

As I’ve noted repeatedly on this thing called a blog, my career as a finance director for a major publishing company is coming to an official close this Friday.  My current company was acquired by an east coast publisher and about two months ago I was asked to relocate to Boston from San Diego.  Which may have been attractive if the departing city wasn’t San Diego…AND if their senior management team were better aligned in their integration strategy then the duo in the above YouTube. 

Really.  Striking similarities. 

Tiger Woods fought the pain of an ACL tear at the U.S. Open last week by keepin’ energized throwing back cortisone shots vicodin apples.  Those lil’, sometimes sweet, buggers kept the dude crankin’.  Now, you too get some of that Tiger apple juice by bidding on Tiger’s chawed apple cores for the low cost of $6…oh, my bad…that’s just the shipping!   And there are multiple Tiger apple cores selling on EBay!

BTW….one dumbass bidder won one for $40.  Another core was bid up to $36,000 at 7am PST on 6/25/08…must be a attracting the serious collectors!  Riiiigghhhht.

Props: THE BEAR DOWN
 

It’s Lenny Kravitz’s butt-crack!!  Yes! That’s right!  Stop the presses!  Stock the cupboards with lots of water and canned goods!  Have sex with your hot cousin!  Only eat one serving of vegetables a day! 

TMZ reported Lenny was in Prague with his butt-crack.  Annnd he drives in cars.  Riveting!

With fuzzy little yellow balls being smacked around at Wimbledon this month, officials have become fed up with flying rats…umm….pigeons dumping on the spectators.  So, as a deterrent, flying marksman….umm…hawks…had been deployed to scare the shitting menace from the sky.  But…it didn’t quite work.  So, real marksman have been hired to shoot the crappin’ beasts from the area.

The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do the job,” Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said.

“But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn’t deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach,” he explained.

The marksmen were summoned by Wimbledon as pigeon droppings on the restaurant tables were thought to be a health hazard.

The decision to call in the marksmen was condemned as “cruel and illegal behavior” by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which complained to the tournament organizers and the police.  [Story]

And you thought PETA would turn a blind-eye, didn’t ya? That maybe a more lenient PETA might just realize that flying rats are a scourge on our society…that the shitting bastards shouldn’t be allowed to shit, crap, and disease lay all-over the place.  But, nooooooo…apparently PETA feels pigeons should live on the Earth, unscathed like all God’s creatures, and that we should be relegated to vegan-pigeon substitute product on our dinner tables!  Sick PETA bastards!

After the Laker’s humiliating loss to the Celtics last week in the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant and fam took off to Cabo San Lucas to enjoy some time in the sun, R&R, and pervy paparazzi to capture the moment for us voyeurs back in the States.  As you can see from the photos, Colorado concierges ain’t got nothing on Vanessa Bryant.  

On a side note, of all places to go for your post-season vay-cay…Cabo San Lucas?  How ’bout the French Rivera, some Caribbean gig, or Tuscany?  Sorry, I’ve been down there many-a-time and its a great lil’ fishing village and all…but after some great golf, 25 shots at Cabo Wabo, and tranny stippers named Hectorina, it ain’t nothin’ but a glorified Rosarito.  

Props and More: CELEBSLAM

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