Wy Me, Mars Tee?

THE BOUWMEESTER AND THE FAT GIRL: A Love Story

2011-02-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

Our story started with a simple text message.

It was way back in 2004, I was 19 then and a graduating student of a state university here in the Philippines. As a young girl, I was always bored and my way of conquering it was to find some text mates over a particular network's chatting service. I was at the peak of my adolescent days where girls like me were overly interested with the opposite sex; boys. When I was in high school, I never had a chance to interact with boys, most especially my crushes. At that time, all I ever hoped was for them to notice me. However, it never happened. And now we come to the part where I was looking for a text mate. I happened to find someone, right from the search engine, a man who was already in his late 40s. He was 47. I think I was born as a flirt (hahaha) so I chose him to be my text mate and interacted with him through text messaging. I could remember those days when my world only revolved on my cellphone. It was my ever trusty gadget; a Nokia 3315. So, our story started.

It was December I think of 2004 when we first texted each other. I couldn't remember the name that he gave me but I gave him a false name. I said I was "Yuan".

We described ourselves to each other. He told me about himself. He said he's a 47 year old guy. I don't remember if he went into details but my impression about him is that, he's single and he's a hottie. I told him, I was 19 year old living in Iloilo. I said I looked like Maxene Magalona which was totally a lie (I'm still in regret because I misrepresented myself as another person). We exchanged text messages, about everything under the sun; our interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and our love life. After many days of texting each other (the other details are too confidential which I don't want to elaborate further), he told me that he already likes me. I wasn't surprised for I was expecting him to feel that way. I flirted too much and he was caught in my bait. I did a lot of flirting as far as I could remember. However, things have turned upside down because I fell for him. At first, I could say that it wasn't really true love. I was just enjoying the attention that he was giving me. He seemed so sweet and loving and I couldn't resist him. He was fun to text with. He has a good sense-of-humor. He was quite adorable in his own ways. He really knew on how to make me laugh. He never did falter on sending me text messages everyday. Days passed by; I learned that he was married. He and his wife were living separately. I never asked him the details of his married life. However, once in a while I got to asked him about some keen details. I also learned that he and his wife have four kids. The eldest was even older than me. The kids live with him. In fact, they have a household pet, a shih tsu named Mougsy. It was Mars's gift to his youngest son. Well, I was quite surprised that he has kids but I accepted it like it was the most natural thing for me to do. I didn't care that he was married. He told me that things have drifted between him and his wife however they were still working together for they still have kids to be sent to school. I recently learned from their eldest son's blog that his parents encountered problems with their marriage and their finances. The result was that Mars's (yes, that's his name) wife went to the United States of America to work. He was left here in the Philippines with his kids. To tell you the truth, I don't know what was their arrangement was and how they were communicating with each other. I never did feel bad that they were still communicating. After all, she was still his wife.

Without much further ado, Mars and me became an item. I became his girlfriend and him as my boyfriend. This all happened via text messaging/long distance relationship. I felt that I was falling for him day after day. He wasn't hard to love with. He was so sweet, adorable, loving and funny. I couldn't resist his charms. He was so thoughtful and he seemed to care about me. I felt that I was lying in a bed full of red roses. I was very happy having him as my boyfriend. Even he was busy with his work, he finds time to text me and to check on me. I was so loved by him.

We loved each other. We were happy. He was my world...

His work at a famous architectural firm demanded too much time from him though. He was being sent to different places most especially abroad to supervise on their projects. At that time, he was still a Project Assistant. They were behind the construction of some SM Malls like SM City Baguio and SM San Lazaro. His boss trusted him so much that he was appointed to supervise some of their projects in sites outside Philippines. In early 2005, he was sent to Xiamen, China for the SM Xiamen construction. It was hard for me to accept that he has to go to China to work there. He said he'll have to stay there for 3 months up to 6 months. Later, he went to China and started to set up everything there. He was so good in Fookien so he didn't find it hard to work in there. In his e-mail sent to me on May 20, 2005, he told me as quoted:

"Hi!!! How are you my Sweetie? Im so sorry i wasnt able to open my email not only until now. I have been very busy and now plang naaayos yung set up ko dito. D ba it haas been long delayed and when i came here it really have to be all me who set up everything for the operation here. Everyday since day 1 was really a real hard work for me and my assistant here. Luckyly he is good naman and mabait kaya lang at first he is totally dependent on me!

Anyway, so much for that now, Just want to tell you that i missed YOU so much and i Love You very much !!! I been crying nga at night when I miss You. there were even times na i wanted to just give up and everything here and just fly back home there! kaya lang d naman basta ganoon lang. I have a commitment to my Boss to set up everything here. At last naman things are now going okay especially here at the opis. Meron narin internet connection d2.

So, hw are you my Sweete? did U miss me? I miss You so much na. I LOVE YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I LOVE YOU !!!

P.S. : i also received your message from Arch Jay: " MI VIDA ES QUE TRISTE AFUERA MI QUERIDO Y HEROE" !!! WOW !!! Really! Please translate! d na ako marunong ng Spanish eh, Puro Chinese na lang !! Hahaha ......"

That was indeed so sweet of him to send me an e-mail like that. I liked the fact that he misses me a lot. My only wish was for me to be with him and comfort him whenever he needed me. I was deeply touched by his sweetness. I loved him more and more. I felt the intensity of the love that he was giving me. I considered myself as the luckiest person in the whole world. I was so full of love; nurtured by his love. I was living out of love. So deeply in love with Arch. Mars. I was thinking of him 24/7. The distance between us didn't stop me for being so in love with him.

Love...love...love...

We found love in each other...

I didn't wait for too long. After a few months, he came back. He was fresh from the airport but he immediately sent me a message. While he was in here, we didn't stopped texting each other; sending "cheesy" messages to each other. We enjoyed our love in every way possible except for one thing...we never met yet. Our relationship mainly was based on our communication with each other. Yet, he still didn't have the freedom to stay here while he's working. His trip to China wasn't the only time for him to leave. Months passed by and he was again asked by his boss to go to the U.S. (if I'm not mistaken), again, work-related. But this was after the unexpected tragedy that befell on us. A major turning point in our lives.

In January 12, 2006 (the dates are quite accurate, if at all not), while he was at work, he received a very bad news. He told me later that he was informed through phone/cellphone that his wife was dead. She was at that time living and working in the U.S. Mars was so devastated. I knew that he was in shocked and painfully in grief. I felt sorry for him that he lose someone he dearly loved in just a split second; catching him and his kids unprepared. It was the most terrible thing that ever happened to their family. He had grieved already with his father who passed away in 2004 because of renal failure. I felt that he was in terrible pain. I felt sorry for the kids too. Losing a loving mom like her, would be the most painful thing to be endured. I knew he was so down. He told me that he and his eldest son might go to the U.S. to fetch her wife. However, his wife's employers were so understanding that they arranged everything for the his wife's casket to be sent in Manila. When his wife's corpse arrived, he became busy with the funeral preparations. He told me the kids were still dazed by what happened. I knew how bad they felt. I've been in a situation too where I lose a loved one. I felt so bad too. I were in sympathy with them. I never knew in fact how to pacify Mars. I knew that he still love his wife and that will never be taken away from him by someone or anyone, even me. I wasn't able to find words to appease his grief. I felt that I wasn't of any help to him when he was in pain. I felt bad that I couldn't be on his side when he most needed me. I wanted to fly to Manila to comfort him. I was so enraged that I wasn't able to do anything to comfort him when he's in grief. I felt so useless. Even our communication were interrupted. I saw it coming and I accepted that things will never be the same until their grief will be uplifted. I perfectly understand his situation. I admit however, that I am missing him deeply. His absence in texting saddened me so much.
Without receiving any text messages from him, my world was shattered.

After the funeral, things have gone astray. He said that because of the funeral, he was indebted to his company. I don't know why they came to that situation. I didn't asked further. I didn't know what to think. He may be concealing something from me. I just don't know. From that time on, our exchange of text messages were not so active anymore. It has been reduced from about more than 20 messages a day to just 10 messages per day. The messages went scarce. Until one day, he told me that he was to go abroad. I couldn't remember well if he had already resigned from his company. I later learned that he resigned from his former company and went abroad to look for a job. Fortunately, he landed a job there. I knew because he told me so.This happened in 2008. Before he left, while waiting for his plane, he called me up to tell me that he's about to board on the airplane. I cried a lot upon hearing what he said. I was informed by him but knowing that he would be away for 2 years, I could only hope for something. After the call, he left his phone to his daughter. I cried so hard that night. I was so deep in pain that I desperately looked for someone to talk with. Little did I know that it seemed to be the end of everything...

I was in pain...I cried a lot...I died the day he said goodbye...

Year 2010. Two straight years after he left. It was early that year that I happened to catch a glimpse of his picture on his son's blog. I couldn't believe that he was already in Manila. I didn't have the slightest idea. In a span of two years, he never did communicate with me. It was a very long wait. He never sent me an e-mail (I gave him my e-mail address) nor tried to send me a message via text messaging. I waited for nothing. I was thinking that maybe he was still so busy with his work that he kept on forgetting to send me a message. I was deeply saddened. I never did hear anything from him, not even a word. After a year,in 2009, I texted his daughter asking for his father. She was so kind in telling me that his father hasn't arrived yet. So I waited and waited. It was a good thing though that I was still in school. I became busy in studying. I was so into my schooling that I sometimes forget about him. I was used to my daily routine and it seemed that I have quite forgotten in until that day came when I saw his picture in Mike's (his eldest son) blog. I was enveloped with excitement, love, pain, and hate when I saw his picture. I felt that I was betrayed by him. I also felt that he lied to me. I came up with a conclusion that when he decided not to inform me that he's already home, it only means one thing: that he has chosen to forget everything about me. I was enraged with anger. I cussed and I cried. I couldn't contain my anger that I could have find him and kill him at that very moment. I felt the bitter taste of pain. I was forgotten. I was abandoned.

A few months after, I braved the odds and I sent private messages through his kids' FB account. Nobody tried to reply at first. I used a different account name and I sent them messages. Mike, unfortunately backfired at me, sending me a private message, telling me that to him and his family, I never did exist. He mistaken his Dad as a gay having a relationship with another female (he thought the FB account was really mine). I came to know that one day, when he and his brother came to a heated argument, Mars tried to pacify them. Mike thought that his father favored his younger brother so he suddenly snapped at his father and told him that he might be gay for having a relationship with another male. Mars was so shocked upon hearing that and he asked his son on where did he get the idea that he might be into a relationship with someone. Mike told him about the private FB message. Mars figured out that could be from someone who is most likely me. I was so clueless about the fight/encounter. At that time, I was waiting for a message from Mars which I could get anytime. I was indeed right. In May 2010, he texted me telling me to stop bothering him and his kids. He told me that I already caused them a lot of troubles. I was so shocked upon reading the message. I couldn't believe that he was more scandalized by that issue than by sending me a message, apologizing for what he did. I was so happy when I received his message but immediately got disappointed after reading it. I thought we were going to communicate with each other again. His message was indeed a rebuke for what I did. I was annoyed because he sounded so angry in his text messages. I didn't expect him to be so. He also warned me not to bother his kids anymore; either by e-mail or by sending private messages through Facebook. I became so angry with myself after reading his messages. I should have not done that mistake. I should have stayed away from sending private messages to his kids. However, I felt sorry too for I hurt his kids and made them so confused. I should have not interrupted with their happy lives. I admit that I was causing them too much trouble. After that message, he never communicated with me again. I was again in pain.

A few months after, I went to Manila for a purpose. I went there to take up the Bar Examination which was in August 2010. I came to Manila in July 2010. I stayed in a condo unit (courtesy of my father and mother) in Taft Avenue. In the days that passed by, I was just there in my room, scanning my books, studying, smoking and reading my favorite comic books. I was quite happy at that time. There were lots of things for me to do and places to go to so these mainly kept me preoccupied.

I was surfing the net when I found out that he has an account in Facebook...

One day, as I was browsing something on the net, I decided to look for him in Facebook though I found an account of him earlier in Friendster. Surprisingly, I found his name and discovered that he had in fact, a FB account. I sent a friend request to him but unfortunately, he declined my request. I was hurt. I felt that I was being ignored. It was my lucky day perhaps in August 13, 2010. While I was checking on FB, I noticed that Mars was online too. I quickly sent him a private message asking him if he was really online. He answered that he indeed was. To make the long story short, we exchanged messages with each other. I asked him if it was possible with him to go into my place. I was shocked when he answered that he'll come to see me the day after! I was so excited that I wasn't able to sleep. I cleaned my whole room at 3 in the morning. I will finally see him for the first time and after so many years. It's going to be our first ever glimpse of each other!

On the Day We Finally Met

It was August 14, 2010 when I first shed my eyes on my first love. He told me he's going to arrive at 10 in the morning. I kept on glancing on my wristwatch. It was already past 10 in the morning. He hasn't arrived yet. I thought he changed his mind and will never see me anymore. It was almost 11 AM when someone rang the buzzer. I was taken by surprise. I quickly got up. I fell asleep while waiting. I was so excited at that moment that I could have opened the door in a flash! Then, I opened the door. There he was, outside the door, looking uncertain , wondering if he should come in or not. I ushered him inside. I felt so happy at that time. In fact, it was the happiest day in my life! It never occurred to my mind that the day of seeing him would finally come. I could have died there in an instant! He asked me on what I feel that I have finally seen him. I was lost for words. I couldn't say anything. My eyes were brimming with tears. I was simply overjoyed. I was very emotional on that day. In the next few hours, all we did was talk, lay down in bed, ate our lunch (he bought Korean Food) and talk again.

We ate lunch together.

We both lie down in bed...of course, nothing happened!

I was so overjoyed. But he wasn't staying for so long. He had to fetch her daughter from school. And then the most memorable moment happened. As he bid for goodbye, he surprised me by embracing me so tight, prompting me to hug him back. In fact, he asked me to. He was smelling so good that I could have melt into place. The embrace was very heartwarming; I have never been embraced just as tight and loving as that!

He embraced me as if there's no tomorrow...

But wait! There's more... I floated in space when this thing happened. The most unforgettable and the sweetest experience happened to me. I was caught by surprise when he lifted up my chin and then...HE KISSED ME!!!

He kissed me!!!

That was the sweetest thing that he did to me. He kissed me on my lips. It was just a smack but the kiss was brief but was also the sweetest! He kissed me again when I was about to open the door for him. Prior to that he embraced me again and planted a kiss on my lips for the second time. I was so "kilig!" I nearly shouted at the hallway for I was so happy...

THE AFTERMATH

You see, life is unfair after all. Unlike with most love stories you may have read, our story fell short of what it should be. Our story was supposed to end up happily. Sadly, it wasn't. The truth is, on the day that we met, and before he finally kissed me, he told me to move on with my life without him. I was so hurt that I sobbed and cried so he put my arms around my waist to comfort me. The other truth in our story is heartbreaking. He told me that he's suffering from renal failure. He was diagnosed in the early months of 2009 and he discovered that his health was declining. He said he only has 1 year or even less to live. He told me that he's already dying. He decided not to continue with our relationship anymore. It was the hardest thing for me to bear. I died the day when he said Goodbye. My heart had stopped beating since that day. I couldn't accept what he had asked of me. He broke my heart. He made me love him and killed me with it.

Now my heart's broken and it's still bleeding. Yes, he's still alive. He may be smiling peacefully in his sleep now. I don't know why this is happening to me. I have loved someone more than my self but I've got nothing in return. Perhaps, he never did love me. Or he simply gave up on me. Up to now, we have no communication with each other except for a couple of private messages through Facebook. Well, he's ignoring my messages. He doesn't care and he never will.

Never say Goodbye Mars...I still love you so much. I'd rather die than live without you...

I am still hoping however that we'll have our love rekindled in the right place and on the right time. Who knows, perhaps that'll all happen in heaven. If he'll die, I'll make sure that I'll die with him too. That's how much I love him. I just hope that he'll come to know that...

MAY I GO OUT?

2011-02-11T08:46:00.000-08:00

I haven't gone anywhere this past few weeks. I have been staying in our house, staying put for weeks now. I have only gone once to the airport last January 27th to fetch my sister. Since then, there was no reason for me to leave out of the house. That makes my life even more boring. In times where I am just confined here in our house, I get to remember the number of times when me and MC would go in Red's located in Iloilo Terminal Market, which is locally known as "Super." We would usually forestall our fast-pacing walks just to stop there and buy breads that we would bring home. If luck's with us, we would grab some drinks, eat Caldo with egg (my personal favorite) and spend our time talking about something and everything. We used to laugh hard at each other's jokes, making us forget that it's already late enough for us to find a ride home. This is only one of the many things that I am still missing a lot.

On the other hand, I also miss eating out in some restaurants where their products could get a little bit expensive. For one, I am craving for Sbarro's Baked Ziti and their overly-delicious pizzas. Wow, it was months ago since I last dined in Sbarro's. On my nephew Kyle's birthday, we went to Smallville, one of the many night spots located in the City of Iloilo. In there, we found them eating in Amalfi Cucina Italiana, obviously an Italian Restaurant. I had a hard time looking for something to eat. Their menu book was screaming with Italian language which made me really confused on what food should I try to eat. Finally, we ended up choosing a Pollo Pesto pizza (I hope I remembered the name well). It was very delicious. It's a thin-crust pizza. Usually, I don't like thin pizzas but that experience made me realize that thin-crust pizzas are as fairly good as that of thick-crust pizzas. I think I do have a liking for Italian foods considering that I also like KFC's Twister. Of course, it may be considered as a Mexican food cause it's wrapped in a tortilla, but there might be some disputes with regards to its origin because KFC's Twister has pizza sauce on it, pepperonis and mozarella cheese to complete the sandwich. Anyway, when I eat it, I feel like I'm being sent to heaven.

Amalfi Cucina Italiana, Smallville Complex, Iloilo City

Pollo Pesto Pizza

Yeah, you could say that my only reason to go out of the house is to have some chow somewhere. It's mainly my reason why I wanted to go out. Apart from that, when I get to eat somewhere, I'm also having a reason to explore some places far beyond where I dwell. I haven't gone to the malls for quite some time. I haven't exerted too much effort to go to the city to stroll. You see, you should have lots of money to be spent. It's extremely important for me to have some cash on hand so that wherever my feet will take me, I can just get my wallet out and hand in some cash for my binge-eating and instant splurges. In order for me to achieve that, and for me also to get out of the house for the very same reason, my very mission is to find a job where I can have a decent pay. I have to exert a lot of effort on that. If I can finally have one, I can ask my mother this: "May I go out, Nay?" I promise that it'll no longer be a hard thing for me to do.

IN LONELINESS AND DESPAIR

2011-01-07T10:18:00.001-08:00

"Insults have broken my heart and left me weak, I looked for sympathy but there was none; I found no one to comfort me." - Psalm 69:20-

Just imagine a life when you are lonely, suffering from pain, and there's no one to listen to what you've got to say. Yeah, it's hell. What about when, in addition to what you felt, you're also treated like a scum, making people around you wear their noses like they've smelling something rotten. Worse thing is, these people are your family. Just take for example in my case, where, I have a mother who never tried to understand how I feel. When I get so irritable because there is something which annoys me, she easily gets mad and throws accusations at me like I were the one who created those annoying things. She never pacifies me nor try to calm me. Instead, she puts on with it and feeds my anger more by scolding me; pointing out that I'm just being a brat and miserable because of me being so fat. Of course, what she's saying is out of the bounds of an argument. I am being so miserable because I have her as a mother. All other moms have been so attentive in asking their children on why they were behaving badly. Mine's got no concern; she's more concerned about how will I look to other people who might think of me as an overgrown elephant. What's more irritating is that I can't help but to get hurt by what she says. One day, I saw on her phone a message bound for my sister abroad which says that she thinks of me like a sow which needs to be feed all the time. What kind of mother will talk of her child like that? I may not be pleasing to her but what was she thinking when she sent that message to my sister? You know, when it happened that you were her daughter or her son, you would probably hate her like that. She pisses me off like hell. I wish I could trade her into someone who would listen to me and cherish me as her child.

And what would you feel also if you have an ex-boyfriend whom you love very much and he would act as if you never had a relationship at all? Imagine the pain you'll feel if you were telling him that you love him that much but all you get in reply was "Thanks." And maybe, if you'll tell him "I love you" again and again, you will get the same answer repeatedly which in the end you will feel that every time he replies the same, you're feeling more and more hurt and vulnerable. It's no difference to a situation where you are being slapped repeatedly or in a situation where you're being ran over by a car, again and again. Sometimes it's better when you get to argue with a stranger for it will not hurt you that much. However, when the same argument comes from your loved one, it's not easy to deal with anymore. It's like being caught in a situation where you've got nowhere to run. You have to deal with it and bear the pain. In my case, I have to bear the pain; I get insults and accusations, take them all inside and when the time comes that I will need help, I'll just abandon the thought for there's no one to listen to my lamentations. I'll have to absorb the pain and live in despair. There's no one coming for me.

DISAPPOINTMENTS IN UFC 125

2011-01-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

I was checking on the net when I saw a friend's tweet saying that Vera's nose was smashed up! I wasn't able to see it on TV for I have been spending the time dreaming about someone. It was only past 4:00 in the afternoon when I realized that UFC 125 had already took place. It was then in this late night that I get to watch the replay on TV. The preliminary bouts were quite exciting most especially that of Guida's and of Gomi. At first I thought Gomi's gonna win the match. However, because of Guida's playful mood, it turned out that he outlasted the Gomi's fighting skills.What's more surprising in the event also was the match between the Korean MMA star Dong Hyun Kim and Nate Diaz. It was obvious that Nate Diaz thought that he won the fight however, the judges' score cards were in favor of Kim. Kim won via unanimous decision.

The main event was between Maynard and Frankie Edgar who recently defeated BJ "The Prodigy" Penn. On the first round, Edgar was dominated by Maynard; he even tumbled down because of the blows thrown by Maynard. In the next four rounds, it was an exchange of numerous blows and take down attempts. In the end, it was surprising that the score cards turned it to be a split draw, with Edgar retaining his title. Maynard was truly disappointed.

Lastly, it was Vera and Thiago Silva's turn inside the Octagon. Vera, who was defeated in his last match wanted his comeback to be victorious. He had undergone facial surgeries after his match with Jon Jones. Alas, the match between him and Silva was no difference. Silva defeated him via unanimous decision. It was a total dominance of Thiago Silva, whose wits and power overdone Vera's fighting skill. Vera had not done so much in this fight. It's kinda annoying that he got to brandished the Filipino flag in his fighting trunks. I am proud of him because he's a Filipino but the way he acted inside the Octagon was no thing that's worth my full attention. He should train well and really hard. However, I think he needs his broken nose to be fixed first. It's no hard feat however when you clown around when your nose's broken. It was such a humiliation for Vera. Well, lessons are learned after every match but fighters should take note that even if they think that they have enough skill to win, there's always a chance that their weaknesses will be discovered which will lead to their downfall.