Wyzequeen

Can You See?

2010-05-30T20:21:00.003-05:00

In the clouds were those that had fallen asleep

You could see their figures as though they were in a line shuffling, waiting to go in

We looked up wanting to know, waiting to know…what would come next

In a flash of light we were sped into a flee, from…

In a peaceful but strange place, there were distant families and unknown faces coming together for…

As we left something amazing happened that led us to a place of wilderness, but not lost

I was left looking, searching for…my love

Worthy (good enough)

2010-02-17T23:56:00.001-06:00

Really?

I just noticed that with a formidable glance you've entered...

What now?

Do I really agree to terms this easily to open...

See I've seen much within the years and tears of such, yet I cannot beckon those thoughts without emotion.

To hold back would be so comfortable...

To show lack would be so....

Usual.

Thoughts open portraits that have been shelved and I vision greatness to plague my weakness.

Darkness becomes me so easily, that light can only shine when you bring this lamp.

Will you become the path that I walk on helping me back?

I need a hand to to carry, one that understands my lack...thereof...

I can't pretend that therein lies no interest.

I can't form ideas carefully enough without thinking of...

Maybe it would be best if...

How can you not feel as though...

Good enough?

Am I?

Can I?

Will I?...be

Questions will continue as I realize...

Worthy.

And yet...are you truly?

I can and I shall...

2008-11-05T04:38:00.000-06:00

I can’t sleep…and this thought that plagues my mind is relentless- it plays drums of haughty strings and I cannot escape to silence.
I cannot began to think of the humanistic qualities of life in which this existence has brought a 44th unrealized for a time when walking was dangerous-but it’s here
There is hope given to many that have not had it for some time. And I can’t sleep...
I cannot look….into the eyes of my lover for there is extinction in the shallow pits of darkness giving income to emptiness
I want to sob… for the things that I have already and laugh for the items whose future still looks ahead.
And I can’t sleep, because sleep would be too kind, it would be some peace and it would be my dream…
And I can’t sleep for it would tear away the thoughts into an abyss, my dear friend I…

Though the Storm Rages

2008-10-16T09:52:00.002-05:00

This particular article really spoke to me. As I was reading it, I thought about how I felt the same exact way and how I have spoken with friends who were going through storms of life without hope or joy to hold onto at times. I think that if this is read with a somewhat open heart, you will take away what was meant for you to take away. I wanted to share this because I felt that someone maybe needs to hear this today. Whatever you are going through you are not alone, and if you are not going through anything then TGBTG! Push forward...and walk with this author.

Where is God in the Midst of Crisis?
Jen Booth

Storms will confront us many times in our lives, expected and unexpected. They come in the form of disasters, deaths, broken homes, sickness, unemployment, you name it. They seem fueled by evil, and we find ourselves forgetting God and hiding from the chaos, defenseless. That is the place the enemy wants us to be -- in a hole, afraid, alone...hopeless. We neglect to look for the many signs of encouragement and reassurance He sprinkles throughout our day. Signs that He is right here with us. Proof that He IS, and that we are never alone.
Not long ago, my State began preparing for Hurricane Gustav. At the nursing home I work at, our administrative staff had multiple meetings on how to aid evacuees from a sister facility on the coast. Even when we were not in meetings, we talked about it. When I got home from work and turned on the news, all headlines blared the "mother of all storms" was shooting straight for us. It occupied most of my thoughts. And each time I thought of it, an awful darkness washed over me.
Real fear.
Memories of Hurricane Katrina flooded me daily. I saw again the hallowed faces of elderly nursing home residents as we pulled them from ambulances, praying they were still alive. I saw relived terror as evacuees in red cross blankets described the flood they survived. I saw the tears of so many single mothers as they held their children and grieved the loss of every possession they owned. The urgency and despair was indescribable. Their hopelessness broke my heart. I thought, Please, God, don't let it happen again! Not again!
I was paralyzed spiritually by the fear. It was strangely difficult for me to pray, and I lost my desire to drink of His word. All I thought about was the approaching storm. Somehow through all of this, the thought came that I might be under spiritual attack. I went to God about it, repented, and asked Him to speak to me. For the next two days, the verse at the top of my email devotional was Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (NASB). I meditated on that verse, and on chapters 40 and 41 of Isaiah. I felt some peace, but was not totally restored inside until I prayed with a friend for deliverance.
Gustav raged on Louisiana, but it was nothing like what we suffered three years ago. And as I watched news coverage, I felt no fear. As tired evacuees came to the nursing home for shelter, I only felt a sense of purpose. God could actually use me to pour out His love on these people when I kept my eyes on Him and not on the storm.
The apostle Peter learned quickly to keep his eyes on the Lord. Can you imagine how excited he must have been when Jesus invited him to walk on top of the sea? And how thrilled he was to feel rough waters become firm beneath his feet? Step by step, he walked to Jesus. Then he looked around... and the harsh waves overtook him. Jesus saved him, of course.
It's the same way with us. Whatever storm you are facing, know that Jesus will carry you through it if you let him. The 9th verse of Isaiah 41 states, "You who I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts, and said to you, you are my servant, I have chosen you and have not rejected you - do not fear." (NASB)
Do you see how precious you are to Him? He will guide you through the storm because you are His. However, the devil is watching you, waiting for you to take your eyes off of your Lord so he can "pounce on you like a roaring lion" and destroy your hope.
A song by Casting Crowns (my favorite group) has the lyrics:
I will praise you in this stormAnd I will lift my handsYou are who you areNo matter where I amAnd every tear I've criedYou hold in you handsYou've never left my sideAnd though my heart is tornI will praise you in this storm
God promises us in Romans 8: 39 that, "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Jesus is always near, waiting for us to reach out to him for help. He never leaves us alone with our pain.
As I write this, another hurricane is barreling toward us. It might be horrible, but this storm is not too big for my God. Bring it on.
Jen Booth is a social worker and a budding author. She resides with her husband in Louisiana. You can contact her at jenbooth26@aol.com

10/1/08 12:18am

2008-10-01T00:19:00.004-05:00

This is a rough of what I just wrote....I finally felt inspired to write- Take away what you will.

I am washed feeling the pain of this loneliness, seeking comfort that I shall not find in the those who enter to console…I wish for a vanquish of emotion in my life, for objects of desire with no stake. I long for a love that shall not be tempted into being removed and I have a heart for those who hurt -yet I remain –untouched, as an oxymoron of thoughts.

I have a block of nothing - I cannot write well to express my individuality and my muse has become my distant past so I cannot create within a new cure…I want to feel nothing as you wrap your arms up and play interested in things you shan’t…I pray to exhale the smell of request, of your mere attendance displaying an empty bow without an audience.

With each exhale I leave nothing to imagination but fruitlessness and anger, so I place a label on the boredom that I have come acquainted with to replace…it offers me no solace which sucks!...

As a new begins, I realize that I am in sheer desperation as I need an outlet to my frustration…I have a cloak of being that is deserted and efforts have placed themselves in an attempt to remain dark.

At this point I know not what I scribble because insomnia has taken over and now I have no pill to wash closed eyes among the needy…I had an almost wish for my muse to take part of my quiet anger to bring flesh smelled colors to life...yet I realize great pain comes with knowing that truths beginning.

I grow bored of this attempt to create a line on a page that continues and aspire for a cloud of smoke to come and leave its fog upon me bringing misplaced judgement.
Now I sit in the heart that has become my temperature impending the realization that I have found a clue to my prose that was considered lost…Ending a note that made no sense to end...allowed the gaze of this game you play that I have no time for, therefore I continue with my life’s pleasures.

I wish for a wash of emotion that can take me from this place where no destructive behaviors lie to torment the reality of which I am.

Can it just wash over me to take away all that I need, leaving only fragments for my education as I wish not a recurrence of the simple ideas brought forth from childhood. A cavity of anger washes over me to understand of what I will be given, something higher than I had imagined…How I wish for a wash- an emptiness that fills all voids to enclose happiness without a nuisance of longing, only a wash on clean fabrics-fresh and exhilarating… O how I wish for a wash.
Now I close my taste at a halt and let it wash over

`How to Hook Up Your Bathroom...So You Can Hook Up Later!'

2008-08-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

Why is it that women suffer through the nastiness of men’s bathrooms? There is nothing worst than the smell of urine that has been festering and now baked into a guy’s toilet. I think that guys should start to understand of how they are looked at when a lady visits you for the first time to enter into a bathroom that has been hit by a hurricane. Do you want her to return? Or, do you want her to run screaming and holding her nose like she just smelled the equivalent to the world’s sewer consumption.

As a woman, there is nothing more attractive than a clean man, I mean you can be a manly man and still be clean, it is possible. But seriously men, a little cleanser can go a long way especially when it comes to hooking up with that hottie you met on your way to the gym. How many women do you have to turn away that never return until you’ve figured out that your bathroom scared her away? It is that serious.

I know that it hard for some guys to commit time and energy to cleaning up what some call the nastiest part of the house, but hey if means that you might get lucky and keep a woman around-do you not think it’s worth 10 minutes? Yes, that right I’ve broken it down to a science; that is if your bathroom is not borderline landfill. It is possible to clean your bathroom to the point of, “Oh, that’s nice” or “I can’t wait to see you again.”

First things being equal buy cleaning supplies, yes the products you use can actually cut time in half and eliminate how much cleaning you have to do; and no you do not have to spend a fortune on cleaning supplies.

The first task in ‘getting to clean’ should be started in your shower, the place you will work at getting this hottie sometime in the future. There is a simple cleaning mix you can create with a spray bottle, rubbing alcohol, and white vinegar, items that I should hope you have in the pantry. Mix components, shake and use on your showers doors and mirrors. Oh and for the grime and scum, simply use Orange Brite™ Cleanser by Comet and this will do the trick, it cost less than 5 bucks and will also add a orange scent that will be equally attractive to your new visitor. Time equals about 3 minutes which results in the start of a spotless bathroom.

The next fearless task, is the cleaning of the toilet and floors. Now this task may eat away at the remaining 7 minutes depending on how dirty and utterly horrid it is. For this you will need, gloves (yes gloves, because I’m sure you wouldn’t want your hands to touch any waste that has decided to remain). Clean and Flush™ Flushable Toilet Cleaning System by Comet (which really helps, cause you don’t have to get down and dirty with the toilet) will do the trick. It’s a toilet wand that is easy to use and will allow you to have a radiant toilet, without touching the filth or you guys case- debris of leftovers.
The floors are simple, buy a broom; you know that sweepy looking thing that witches in movies fly on, something that most have avoided. This take less than two minutes and you will have completed the task to a workable bathroom that will impress your new visitor into amazement, because every other guy she’s dated was a nasty slob and never, ever had a clean bathroom; and you will diminish those moments where she had to push the guy away to run to the nearest potpourri aisle to recover making her take you in her arms.

So now, do you think this task is doable? Wouldn’t you rather make an impression that brings about lasting visits to your humble abode? This is sure make a enduring fancy by your visitor, and when your boys hang out at your place they will not be afraid to venture in to the walls of doom formerly know as your bathroom. They will be impressed and ask for your advice, because you are the man and the guy they always wanted to be. They will give you high-fives because you are with the hottest woman that is impressed by your cleanliness. All of these efforts will be given unsaid thanks and gratitude, and of course: Mission complete, you have a repeat visitor (a woman)!

© 2005 Zequille Nicole Johnson

My Sweet Temptation

2008-02-01T10:36:00.000-06:00

My sweetest temptation…you are blind by my ambition to leave you…I wish for nothing more that my sanity restored to a point of consistency

I wish nothing more of you, yet when your words flow over me, I forget all sense of how to walk away…I see your honesty on levels of sold distances and I wish I could play meaning on my IPOD.

I long for the cold brisk of truth to set in with each encounter to revolt me back to life…back to open eyes…back to see you for what you truly are.

No pun against your existence, yet I have a life to live…and with each moment of our shared existence I know that am wasting valuables that we can never obtain…

Why does an allowance of torment live in this reality? We know that nothing remains after I leave, so enjoy one more moment of that glimpse… Your heart begs to be seen, yet I have no eyes for that part of my soul…All is lost on you and I know this yet I cannot bring myself to resist you…

And each time I say no, my heart speaks yes to open the flood gates of confusion over us well again…you sing peace to my flesh and the company of you warms my spirit…I cannot begin to forget all of the time spent…notice I did not say wasted, as I feel now it was never a waste to be blessed with your life’s burdens…

I seek the candle’s flame to relive the moments of transpiration... Entanglement, bewilderment and speech…. Can you forget the hours or the places or me? I never knew the amount of respect you did have, because disrespect seemed so glorious…and what of it… now does not represent a time of a future for us, so why do I harp on this notion of explanation to myself.

Smile sweet innocence that once foretold our history, until that first moment. When I just made a decision…I need a quiet moment to myself in my mind that plays no DVDs of you. I should just leave the place of caffeine and sit in the warmth of a place with new stories that re-played to have sustenance prepared internally.

And as I sit and watch the interaction of those unknowingly, it’s common to me that I wish for an entrance of something that will not occur… I must close this lid now and leave, for I am not comfortable here anymore, I seek my sweet temptation.

1/27/08 2:49pm- Wyzequeen

Peace?

2007-06-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

Let go and wash me of this…I remember all and while it is not my thing- I have.
Rid me of this disaster that I call love…for love would not torture me so sweetly…my fear of standing alone has come to pass and I ache at this reality….so I wish not to belong in the realm of such deep ruin much longer than I can stand….
I can’t feel my feet as I walk the path intended upon so I want to run…run into your arms and find my solace that became my ever so awaken dream.
But now I fear I have tormented myself far too long….
I fight to win the race that’s now over and I take with me the victory of a treasure more powerful than Gold.
Don’t wish upon a thought provoking dream…
Come….seek your solace in me.

To be...

2007-06-15T14:36:00.000-05:00

A smile, a glance and I was lead into a whirlwind of thought that every passion could not blind… A story began almost as of any other and faint whispers left lights were darkness once called home.

My heart trembles at your sight bringing with it bravery by design…do you know this design?

My subdued fire burst into flames by your charm, your life, those….eyes and I swear I have never felt lips this perfect… and without remorse it was as if I were meant to taste.

Yet with greatness comes pain….of not knowing, not seeing….of…hurt…and in one full swoop one path lay broken with a grasping for air as it left the bodies as corpses.

Obsidian butterfly emerges to breath life into what had fallen victim to circumstance…life to the brokenness that was to live separate…and I meet those eyes again, those fearful glances of “what if” calming into a solace of what now?

Shudder to think that these pieces be left in collapse, that their be no hope where it once lived out its life fruitless…where restoration has risen, glance at the darn of hope still left to be…

One by one the thought of something that could never be fixed swallowed by the fortitude of our first glances-seeing no crack, yet a new structure developed stalwart….left as though magic were performed on the hearts and minds by those who befell…

If you were meant to be here then be- no question of wanting not to stay.

You have become my soul and torn as such, the healer will prevail.

Misunderstanding

2007-04-13T23:37:00.000-05:00

Extreme victors of romance lie dormant on the steps of disparaging thoughts to produce distraction…the levels of my mind can’t bare thought without presence of…
the mystical way you enter a room torments me to relive a fantasy that I can not play…well…

Why do you seem so cautious yet reveal chaos, and can I live in that moment?

My anger torments me…so I have become this deliberation of past moments not sought out quickly and the room fills unlike any scent I know…be brave and dutiful is a shame that I have come to forget, sweet child, yet I know not how your silence has become so welcomed.

Laugh if you must, but I must lie here in the silhouette of this place in dire need of some restitution…you are unlike any thing that I have shown in likeness…

Any revolting thought about which we have dreamed can only live in science fiction and I have no wonder become a relentless game where dung lives to breath…do I…No- it’s sickening to feel to the emotion bubbling over like a pot of hot water on a cold stove and I feel it, know it and own it…what do you think?

I wish only my thoughts would flow so freely as my mouth does and without it, I am nothing to the effect that I started…but a past.

The taste in my mouth bitters a sweet smell of flesh burrowing in the darkness of light and the vast contradiction that I am is not what I have…

The village of people that have not lived, live ever so peacefully and you blame love on their acts of tranquility…do you know nothing of the place within that pushes hard to free itself?

Or have you come to this place for solace, temporarily seeking a setting that was removed long before your utterance…why not fight for the program to continue when the guide has lead you astray.

Follow your glances, seek advances and take advantage of the moment placed in front of you…O wise Poet, understand or you will be left to live this peace as only a piece that was missed when separation tweaked it.

Unplug your detrimental canopy, allow the light to shine through…I am the lotion that will keep you from being burned by the suns rays of hurtful pleasure- yet you do not know that…So continue on…

Inside the Room of My Soul

2007-03-28T10:21:00.000-05:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Unknown To Myself

2007-03-27T10:44:00.000-05:00

I feel an emptiness, a longing for….the unknown…I have no words of complaint for the things that I have not said, yet I wish to divulge myself to… myself…how can the sweetness of a of smile and the calm of a touch not be adequate …I question my intentions of restlessness… I question my stance of reality to question my presence…Have I grown tired of the whimsical thoughts that please me to stay?

What is this driving patience that I feel to be contented with being confused…Am I not confused only wishing to bring moments back of myself to have fortitude about the things I do not have….what does it mean when we weep a silent prayer of vigilance, capture a thought in the daylight only to bring about darkness.

I haven’t pleased myself in this longing desire to flee, I have become a victim of my despair and now I have only created a stench of rotting and decaying flesh….a smell that now has grown sweet…being welcomed with delight and I ponder on what does that mean.

Have I embraced the darkness?

Numb only to the facts of the day, yet becoming a solid form in liquid shape, meaning nothing- feeling absolutely…everything…I feel you in the darkness as I dream.

I can see in the darkness… and I really don’t mean to…

I want to close my eyes and become the warm salver that brings joy and happiness back, yet can I exist but for a moment to live…my quiet eyes hold no despair for the contempt that I have found solace…my eyes have shown no glory or mercy for the nature of things that I learn daily…I want to become something else.

I no longer wish the darkness to flee…but I desire to have it re-positioned into another furnace of thought and now I ache constantly and it has become cold.

Now the coldness brings chills of fear to my form and I have not known this type of amusement in the past 7 months…or was it years?
Do I welcome the thoughts that they produce within or have I already captured them making them something else entirely…making them… obedient.

My soul needs rest and I am tired of trying. I desire to have the rest of my mind to live in a place where I no longer feel. With a test you can become what knowledge you create or its said. Now my ramblings offer me no ease at which I can escape, so I read hoping to relieve some suffering…

Your words magnify me and without them I feel that energy has been lost. So now, you won’t speak! Pull the strings of hair from my head to have this moment replaced with a moment in time that we were in utter reverence…and I ramble on to nothing wishing only for you to speak a silent gesture that never comes…praying that I never forget this moment because it has made us…History.

Retaliation

2007-03-05T07:44:00.000-06:00

Did I piss you off with that offering my by brutality…I can be that which you thought I was not…and knowing myself to know you is all you could really see or were you walking as a blind man…
No, not calling you our of your name- but a vocation of what I was seeing- peering into the windows of my sold soul…I was trying to do too much

How can the bullshit you place in prose relegate me in your life- when you seem so eager for me to be around…I love you and that utterance of fact now sickens my stomach to offer remorse to the thought of the you in we….

Nasty how I can turn around that which I have learned and you being the successor have not played the game all too well…oh, I’m sorry it was me!
It seems that you were playing Halo and I was on Monopoly thinking you were even on the board…why fight when peace was all that was needed or was it just a piece…

I have deigned to be there, but when I offer the possibility of the latter, you retaliate…why?
Or are you really a prose that simple…

You come off as an aberration that overrates himself to a position higher that it appears…although you may not be talking to me- How can you conclude that this prose, in its simplicity, includes everything about you.

However irrational this may be my venting of the situation of thought came about from years past- but in all my talking you hear nothing but what you feel is necessary for thought of you to strike…

I know that once pen hits the paper there is no recourse and although it may seem well or well off…I truly was the one that is truly the aberration, after all.

The you we were to understand

2007-03-05T07:43:00.000-06:00

The I in me clings to every word of the page like a favorite tune on 97.9…and I don’t even listen to that station!... I am a created fantasy, one that not even the we in me can tame- yet I have forfeit thoughts of rationality to allow IT to creep in on a snowy haze…ruining all…. I am crushed and I miss you…

My tears came from the snow and while I wished for them to wash me clean they brought amongst them an unpleasant fever…Now I have only acquired a comprehension of the me in I…so the you in we could live, can we live?

I had a bad reaction to the shellfish… one the brought about your departure…and I still smell you…..I guess sometimes women should just shut the fuck up!

How can I be so bold as to allow you to enter into a place that dwells in darkness…I fear now that the taste of me sours your stomach and I should have never opened that can of beans…Yet I feel the coward of the you in we have brought about a new silence, one the demonstrates possibilities of your existence of the you in us.

How does the displeasure of thoughts disintegrate into the abyss of spoken word…now it seems that you hide behind your prose.
I have denigrated my existence…and while I’d love for the you in we to accept it, I will not ask for it is something I am unsure of…

I was told not more than 2 weeks ago to walk away, but how do you walk away from something that is no longer there…how do I become someone I am not…why do I even try…I really don’t want to leave… almost as a need.

Your style reflects a passion within me to shine and I wish that the light would no longer blind my existence….I have come to a place of restitution- though I cannot see it at this distance because your silhouette blocks the light.

Will you move over three steps?

Can I really live here in the places of thought that wish not to be disclosed even as its maker…I am not something that I am only to become something that I am not…I am what I thought was to be…so, do I share this…
And I am angry and no sleep can make shelter for the mind and cloudiness for the soul; because I can’t be spoken to…there is no direct line to open communication if I don’t allow it…

You can’t expect me to feel wanted as every outside aspect is telling me to flee…I can only fight but so much before death takes over and leaves you to see the I in me as nothing…Why do you close down so brilliantly and allow no one in…is this your past not really dealt with- something that you’ve strewn through the years as a normalcy…I want to understand.

Do you think that you were you good enough! Don’t use me as a puppet toward your enjoyment, I have cut the strings…I am not the chameleon that you claim, notice the reaction to the shellfish…

So what is this….Are you scared?...I need to understand!

If you can no longer deal, walk away…. but answer my questions first…There is a need to understand.

Race

2007-02-14T07:45:00.000-06:00

I feel the race of my breath beating silently against my heart…dryness fills the cup of my tongue and I am speechless…I wept silently then inwardly revealing the shiver that overtook each word on the page, not wanting it to end.

Erection from each limb succeeds to open my eyes and live truth…maybe.

Such breathtaking presence shakes me from the cold into the heat of winter and…WOW…I am really here…not wanting to leave the essence as I draw nearer to the window exclaiming victory…victory!

I feel a sudden urge to listen attentively…touch indecently…and whisper, euphorically…moving the very being into creation…the one that’s hidden out of sight, deep in the crevices…your thought provoked an ember contained and the fire spake before I was able to notice there was voice.

Magnificent.

My mind weeps again as I realize I am no longer awake but in a dream…in a state of being…I am foggy…my eyes glaze over and I realize I cannot see. I am sober.

The metaphors used instinctively captured me revealing the next phrase…I swoon, and believe that I can walk a straight line- drunk…My sanity is torn…I can’t find my way out of this pleasure unfocused…I lapse into a creative funk and strewn my fantasies while revolving around them… I collapse, heart pounding silently against my thoughts and I cannot believe I am here…the static that clings to me, burns and blinds and I want to rid myself of it but I am not withering due to it, so I weep.

I weep a song of patience one so trivial to my being that I am disclosed, misplaced and I wait…the pattern has found me utterly disgusted of the significance it brings to sound…I can not wait and I forced to drive a path that I have designed utterly impossible…I want to close this off and being again a new driven path- roads that I have not known to create on the fly.

Silence.

I watch as the days go by and I am satisfied being unfulfilled, how can I want more when I do not strive for- patience.
I race toward a figure unknown- learning utterly that it’s my reflection in the shadows of the dark surrounded by light, inviting light. Living…for light…and I race.

Silently I wait

2007-02-07T13:44:00.000-06:00

I have come to fight the thoughts of pestilence submerging fortitude into the abyss of dreams I want to live…is it the loss of interest that brings me to a place of defeat…I sent a text to reveal the me of thought and I cannot play here in the mind of dreams, so I give in and listen to silence while I await you…

What does it mean when we say nothing…have we come up with a black hole to live in…So I play temptation with the flute of disparaging to prolong time…I don’t want to loose an era for the future…I have suspended all pleasure for this to come out…and the pit reveals the disclosure of this nervous feeling…

What am I to say except, shut out the thoughts of contemplation and BE…forget the minds of we- separate…love? What is this, except a common fallacy shared by all…

I can’t forgo the sunshine, the pounding of my blood vessel to bring us back while sinking ships with its red clay sea…I want to smoke away the silence that lives in us to see your butterfly untrammeled and fluttery a boisterous soliloquy, revealing all sources of displeasure.

I can’t talk the mind of shrewd bliss…cleanse the windows of your soul and be complacent to be peaceful…unknown to my reasons…you’re still here…
Are you?
I cannot hear the whisper of your footsteps among the shadows of night and I have come to listen to the silence while I wait…

I hear you peacefully reciting an oral musing while I await the silent music of pieces… falling…I give you time knowing that I am not what I have seen…your beauty is opulent and while it makes no sense for it to be here, I still welcome it.

Mystery mystifies the pursuit…yet I remain inward proposing to widen the clutter that I am…listen to me while I await the silence of you…

When I became the failure, you saw no reason to stay, but no reason to come to my aid- vainly hoping that I would pull myself out of the darkness…why do you turn so easily when the sight displeases your vision…your life is full of things that I cannot master and while securely I rest on the blanket of knowledge, you can never fully understand what breaks me to remain. Loose rationale has forever lost its place in my home and I cannot come to bear the fact that emotion is trying to replace it…it’s never been welcome.

I am so clearly swayed by thoughts that I will loose out on time that I have become patient in my waiting…wanting, searching, for a way to break the silence and free the bird that can never be captured…Have you thought about what it means to remain still?

It’s frightening.

My gracious attempts to please you have been lost with an attempt to understand myself and why I am so accommodating… I dislike a rocky boat and while I rationalize away emotion, it creeps up in my attempts to be normal- a fact I never have come to recognize.

I wonder why is it that I wait.

The beats slow to a whisper and I know that I am waiting….not for you but for myself.

You didn't have to ask

2007-01-22T09:34:00.000-06:00

You don’t have to ask for something that came so freely….something that my heart bought into the thought of…I never asked to meet you, I never asked to seek you and yet time revealed to me another agenda…one not my own...one that I now know….So….

I hate that you've come to this palace christened self-insanity…a place that you have come to bear the darkness of my sight…I only wanted to express to you….Me…but time was something that you could not offer…and I wasted it with utterance of misfortunes….my mind was lost and I could not say what I needed to say…something so minimal …an epiphany that could you now come to understand…Me

The sight of my presence shakes me to realize that I have come to a place that I no longer want to be…I want one week ago…exactly…a situation that replaces here and now…

I want to say some greatness to make us stronger….I want to say…

"Defy my gravity and fall into a place that you no longer loathe….see reality for what it is and leave emotion behind…see, truly with your eyes and not just with your heart and open yourself to the possibilities… of…life…"

I wish there were magical phrases to capture thought and make words disappear to reveal themselves shattered in an utterly impossible fallacy….I have seen the light, yet I am this crippled being with out limbs being forced to search out that way…all I needed was support... stability- yet I could not form the prose- disappointment faltered inward where the callous-altering blisters punctured serene pleasure.

I know I tired you out with cold phrases of discontent… uproar was not meant to be involved in this place that we have called our locale, now I sense you’ve grown weary of being this resident…and I did not plan for this…I only wanted you to understand my insanity on some sane level…on a perceptive level…my insecurities falls into place eloquently because…

You didn’t have to ask for love…. it was freely given.

Who effing cares....

2007-01-22T00:00:00.000-06:00

To know the answer may plague you with ideas, unknown….does it really intrigue you to have that wisdom….how can many be involved in so much, yet you disallow the happenings of my divine pleasure….I would say to hell with you but then the point would be mute….

From poetry to pride you have not known what intentions are real, you live in a fantasy of fiction and plague and welcome me with open arms….do I divulge the distinctions that you’ve overlooked?...can I enter in the dark and bloody supports that bring salutation to my senses…another glass filled to the brim hold me to the page of the scepter which pierces my soul of flesh.

Open your eyes dammit!…see only what you wanting to see, gets you where?...tell me, so that its known what feeling I need to eradicate from existence…the feelings I thought were mutual… But with this new presence, my self cannot live here anymore- you welcomed the alter ego to awaken….

Is there room?
Are you capable of that question?
Do I call?...or leave my sentiment out of the equation to follow something new?

Don’t worry you say….to you…I was, I am…..Not, any longer…and then I call- No answer…forget it! You have lost so royally, I have nothing left here for you….

I hope that it makes you happy- I no longer care!

Chants of my mantra

2007-01-05T14:47:00.000-06:00

Is it a task so simple that begs no response…I know not what is spoken in the mind of the wonderer, yet I welcome the interpretation…I’ve forgotten myself, my dainty sanity- elusive…

Wild flowers can’t pretend to be bushes yet you attempt façades, leaving open shutters to windows bellowing nudity…inner sanctum can’t be pierced when its filled with lead…so how can I remember a phrase looked upon with contempt.

If my solitude displeases you then make awareness, not allowances…bring forth degradation of prideful attempts to please yourself…fortitude can’t be bought and sold as slaves…I wonder, ponder and ignited within a philosophy to allow partition of my sensitivity to things unknown….these have brought me far beyond this place of complacency and yet I wonder how indifference views induction.

Why can’t words leave like the flutters of my gut…haven’t I said anything?

Impossibilities…me?

Let it go, let it be- chants of my mantra. Be still and have peace invades my very aspect as I come to terms with the reality of it…It? I have lost every space of my insanity…leaving me to question sanity… am I that unbearable to leave questions unanswered, non-deserving.

Chants of my mantra…befriend myself….Chants of mantra….peace….I will not fulfill this life legacy unresolved….I can not.

Rather ignorant to have ignorance….can anything be done….have you given up all hope…is this the truth?

I hope that with chants of mantra, I can provide that stability needed…if not- let me know.

Garden Of Unity?

2007-01-04T13:40:00.000-06:00

Enter into the garden and behold the beauty of your delicate orchid….attempt to grasp something that may wither subtly, so silently understand the insubstantial feel may invoke-pain…

The plan is…the plan was….deferred and now I have this open wound beginning to heal…you have…quiet.

Push past weeds of vague possibilities seeing that you have arrived…in the fragrance of my undisclosed address… Can you see butterflies retarding from frivolous intentions….their path designed a unhappiness that I wish not to disclose…enter into the closed door….enter in and find black walls wishing to be painted with light…

My question are imploring….So tell me, how do you feel…really?
Is this something that you want to hear?
Is this something that you are able to play?
Questions that lie dormant….not truly deserving an answer…no answer truly being possible…actions can only satisfy what really begs the difference…

And I can not hold my tongue any longer….your presence lifted into my reality has found a home….Unable to detect where it’s placed… But it’s my obligation to locate the floor to trap it… to inspect it…to clean it…later finding that it was never there...

My aspirations now compounded by ominous growth that entered the garden….Showing that the life of this delicate and wonderful orchid is vanishing.

existential

2006-12-19T11:20:00.000-06:00

Where is this quantum of existentialism…I cannot hear the heartbeat through the cold distance….show me the way…and although blind, I wish not see the items unclear- vague possibilities have brought upon drought in a nation withering opulent….I have sought my donor and while I posses the creativity, I cannot bear the simplicity of this…

Lavish upon me your wisdom….I welcome the corruption….I wish not only to entertain you…. stop the whimsical; allowing it to evolve into the butterfly that you are….how can you entertain such pretentious acts….I have not and am no fool to equip myself with bleakness such as this…I want cold steal piercing fleshly caramel revealing within a forethought of preponderance….and still, you seem cold…. Yet to provide warmth…would be…obvious

How do I substantiate the inadequate…..remain lost…to later find that it please us to neither question nor release…haughty pride plunges forth to expose…I am lost

Unexplainable Ecstatic

2006-10-25T16:56:00.001-05:00

Cower as I shout your name from the rooftops
The ache of isolation sets in to draw me to blurt expressions of sacrifice
Although I want nothing more than your patience, I want that smile…
Your contentment would be my pleasure
Can we be the idiom of what my core is?
Can I just see…everything
I see you in me, while longing to bring it out- I know I cannot.
I grieve the loss of familiarity and the desire for a grasp intensified as I closed my eyes for a night of restlessness.
Yearning is wrong, right?
Speak to me- to tell myself that the desire will be fulfilled shortly and cease existence
Not just the corporal connection,
I want to meet your soul at the door and bid it farewell as it enters the disquieting effects of my essence.
Is it possible that I could be…
You are an unspeakable desire

The 5 Commandments of Dating

2006-10-12T14:15:00.000-05:00

I read this article http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind61011.html it gives some very good information that I just had to share on dating. I think that if read by both sexes there may actually be some relationships out there that could stand the test of time, lol.
But read it, it may save you thousands of dollars!

My Post from Empirical Mysticism-Bravenet

2006-10-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

This is my porn as the sunrises off my mountain peak into the blue above
The glance you provide bounces off my soul and beats within the warm flowing flight of my imagination.
How ideal of you to be so…
Anticipation builds as the hour draws me near to you…Can you feel it?
I can be extremely fanatic when it comes to your voice… breath upon my lower extremities
And you know this…
I can’t contain the pleasure that it provided with an utterance- yet you have become familiar with me so well, how?
In this experience of education, I am the pupil. So teach me.
What delight!
Warmth…your passion derives from your soul of thought, and I am pleased.
This is yet another magnificent design…
My heart races at a mere consideration of indecency.
Touching without a touch, and now I am weak.
Bring me your depth, your perception as your glance touches my soul- I can no longer bear, so now, I must release.
And I can’t wait until…your glance touches me- indecently.

Read the threads for this post by clicking on the title, as they are sure to bring forth that much needed inspiration that will open doors...
This will also bring clarification as to the meaning of what I wrote here. But I just had to share this with those that read my blog.

Loss of dominance

2006-10-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

I detest those feelings.
Why must I conclude the negative when I know nothing of the actual?
I swear my psyche is torn on things to bring discomfort- yet perseverance prevails!
Trusting is an attribute that I long have struggled to afford, because I cannot control.
I swear on these things that must be costly to life- to let go…
Keep on-step ahead of those…to that which is detrimental, but keep close.
My mind runs ramped through thoughts of…disclosure.
I cannot control.
Breathe fickleness absence.
Like warriors in the field, I crave to be the last standing.
I scrap and struggle with myself to be the victor of…me.
I feel small, minute even- still frustrated.
I cannot control.
I have little patience for the things of this life,
The clock and I are not acquaintances.
I cannot control the fears or desires of my heart,
Those things that plague bad breath upon me and shudder at thoughts of my victory.
My essence, all that is me is ramped.
“I no longer am, but I am becoming…”
What! Thoughts of indiscretion and patterns or habits, hard to break.
Do I misguide my heart into fortitude? Is it misguidance?
How well would one know the tell-tell signs of… gratification
My spirit soars when being blessed with presence- but will it after time
Will what trust that I have built be broken? What prosperity I have built up?
Or will you complement, balance and match with… all?
You know the clock and I aren’t friends,
And don’t want to make hasty selections
How intimidating, me.
I can’t do but the stomach the loss of…control.
My emotions of time and space and…well, rationale
I can no longer wait, I want this have since I seen it-but…
But…
I cannot control.