♧ x e r o ' s C O R N E R ♧

Love game

2012-01-27T02:19:00.001+01:00

Until yesterday I haven't been aware of the term love game
I always thought it was just something ppl called it

But it seems the game is about either getting someone or runaway from someone - by using strategies
Call me naive but those kind of things never crossed my mind . But I know some of my friends are really good at it. By sending signals, using others etc etc

I have never been good at getting someone I like nor getting away from those I don't like

When I think about it, aren't all games the same?
By killing others, making teams or using strategy to move you around to get some prize or points
Or
Escape from some monster or bullets
Or both

Maybe it is because I have never been good at playing cards or computer games

Of course we all have to use strategies to get what we want - lying to our moms about homework to get more time to play, planning workouts and diets to loose weight and love is apparently a part of the big game called life

I just never thought it all was a game before
Our life is a game - you constantly loose and win
And by winning and loosing you build your empire, team and gain experiences
And maybe someday you will loose it all and start from the ground

But we don't know if we die, what would happen - maybe the same game, maybe a new
But we have to do what we try to do in computer games - not to die and win

sense of time

2012-01-26T02:27:00.000+01:00

okay . I have been sick for a while . 7 weeks and 2 days to be exactly . wow just as i look in my calendar I realised it has aldready been 7 weeks...

but . today was the first day I've got the wrong weekday.
In 7 weeks I've had the sense of time . or sense of weekday. I lost the date long time ago, but I could tell that today is monday and in two days my therapist would come ect. ect.
but today I got it wrong.

not that it is important, because I have got my mom to schedule everything for me . but the thought was intimindating - for the first time in 7 weeks or . in a year I lost it - I lost the control

not that I am a controlling kind of person, but I lived on my own, had my own plan for everything - but today I finally realized that I was not in control with myself . not only phisically . also mentally .

I could not even count the weekdays . it is seven days.. it is not that hard . 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 -
but I lost it

writing everything untill here went fast . but now I am stuck.
Maybe should I just refer to the previous post about To change was not the hardest, but to realize is.

Many would have thought . what is the big deal, you made a mistake counting, so what, everybody does.
but I think the most intimindating part of this is I realized that I like control, eventhough I might not seem to be, and I have always wanted to do the opposite.

but I don't know . maybe I just over-interpret the situation, but the chills that ran through me because of the situation is real..

Complexes

2012-01-21T23:41:00.001+01:00

Everyone has complexes - things about themselves they dislike

I have just started to like myself a little more then I broke my back . Now I'm back hating myself again . Fml

The only way to succes

2012-01-20T15:30:00.001+01:00

Lol i Think it's my first post about makeup

It's 2am in the morning

2012-01-15T01:49:00.001+01:00

It's not the prettiest picture and it's not taken by anyone I know -

but it's what in my mind -

it's the city I was born and raised -
it's where my family live -

it's me

Lol I think it's the first post ever made about my family lol

Two years of blogging lol

Damn

2012-01-13T19:59:00.001+01:00

I did it again
Comfort eating

I hate myself

Discover photoshop

2012-01-10T20:50:00.001+01:00

Picture taken long time ago but have just photoshopped it now

I think it's the first time I actually can get what I feel about a picture right - everytime I feel like something is missing . This time is closest to finding the thing that makes the picture perfect

What about tell me what you think
It's shitty quality I know

X

2012-01-08T00:38:00.001+01:00

I hate comfort eating
It doesn't solve the problem
You feel so bad afterwards

But you can't help but doing it

Courage

2011-12-22T00:52:00.001+01:00

Next time you are about to give up
Stop
And think about how much you have done for going so far

Old feature on ipod touch/iphone

2011-12-20T20:40:00.001+01:00

Omg I looove this "new" feature on iPod /iPhone for locking orientation Now I can lay in bed and write on my iPod with no problem of screen turning all the time hehe! To get in on you just have to tap home button twice and on the "page" in the new bar where the bottoms for play and skip there's a rotate-locking bottom :))

knowledge

2011-12-16T14:15:00.001+01:00

I believe in placebo
I believe in getting sicker by knowing how dangerous your disease is

And I feel it in my body

I feel the level of pain depends on what the doctors tell me about my condition

Sometimes I feel you should not tell the patient the actual status when it changes in 2 days anyways

Sometimes it's not the wound that hurts, but the knowledge about how bad the wound is

Sickness amd health

2011-12-14T13:30:00.001+01:00

The worst part of being sick is to know what you miss

know your value

2011-12-04T12:23:00.000+01:00

learn to say no..

you can't just fuck with me and walk away-

deadtired

2011-11-30T23:09:00.000+01:00

I'm deadtired of my emotions are so easy influenced

grenade

2011-11-24T17:16:00.000+01:00

anger

2011-11-16T11:48:00.000+01:00

sometimes your motivation is anger.

when you are angry you don't agree

you go riot

you fight

you want to prove that you are better than what the others think you are

you do your best

you deliver over a hundred percentage

I have a lack of motivation in these times
I remember the reason I made very well last summer in my exams was because I was angry at my physics teacher to give me a C on my diploma, I always get Bs and As in the rest of the year.
I was so angry I could kill, so I wanted to prove to him that I'm better than what he thought, so I got very good grades in the other subject

I need some motivation now, I've not been taking care of school since the school started. and it kind of sucks, because the last year is the most important one

then or now

2011-11-10T01:31:00.001+01:00

when I look back at time.. I don't know when I can say is the time of my life.

when I was little I didn't know much about what's going on in the world or just around, therefore I didn't have much influence on what happened around me nor to me. I just followed the grown-ups and did what they told me to.

then time pass by and I got to know what is happening around me, what others do and what is considered to be "normal". I wanted to feel the freedom and I started having troubles with my parents.

once you've tasted the sweetness of something nice, it is hard to let it go.

now I've got the whole arm, life doesn't seem to be easier but the opposite.

I saw my post where I wrote "take me back in time" well I'm not sure I want to now. Sure I didn't have so many things I have to do and face myself as I have to now, but were things really better then? I just lived in ignorance..

I really feel like my life is falling apart and I don't know how to get hold on it.
I've been sick a lot and I made it through, and now when I'm good to go, it seems to be even harder. The focus has been moved... from the physical to the mental..

and who am I fooling

nothing is easy

who am I fooling

I keep getting exhausted by nothing

just another random post of my thoughts, that came to me
I don't know about it makes sense or not
I don't think it will make sense to me when I wake up tomorrow morning. if I ever get up from bed
I guess life is to survive, other are fighting too but I'm the one who is crying about it

please say YES

2011-10-30T09:45:00.001+01:00

well I have been down for some time now, and last wednesday I suddenly got some energy, it came out of nowhere. So I've decided to go on a "yes man week", which means I say yes to everything, unless it's ethical incorrect, physical impossible etc etc

things have gone well since :)

yesterday Muhittin and I sat and smoked shisha, I bought some tobacco to him from Morocco, and suddenly I felt high, so I was like "mchiiiiit" ("I'm gone" in Moroccan) and after he left I totally died, I ended up going to bed 9pm while I promised Caroline to go out drinking because it's her birthday... DAMN

well. you have to learn not to buy "speciality" tobacco obviously lol

interesting...

2011-10-30T09:37:00.000+01:00

a photo taken on the airplane from Agadir Morocco to Stockholm Sweden

why when people I'm interested in, show their interest in me make me loose my interest in them ..?

let's pretend nothing's wrong

2011-10-03T23:02:00.000+02:00

it's best for everybody

nothing's wrong
we're all good and happy

no one's starving or anything

everything is good

White flag

2011-10-02T23:03:00.001+02:00

Giving up

Once again

insecure

2011-10-02T20:19:00.000+02:00

when one has to make up excuses to do what one really feels -
to oneself
to the surroundings

when the excuses give one courage

give one strength

-

to learn to let go
let go of thoughts

to admit to oneself

admit the personality
the feelings
the weakness
the existence of the side, which has been hidden long

how

how to cross the street
when the cars
are racing
and you can't

I have always waited
and yet I'm standing
watching everybody else cross

I have to learn to take action
to find the overpass
to cross the street

the big street with the high-speed cars

Too many times have I given up before I even tried
Making bad excuses to myself about giving up

Now I'm making bad excuses to everyone else and myself to do what I actually want
improvement ?
I don't know

I'm still making excuses
but I'm aware

I don't want to be like this anymore
but the step of taking action is hard

I've been like this too long to change... What would the others think...?

I'm still making excuses
sigh

learn to let go
one step at a time

Mood: Placebo - Every You Every Me

2011-09-28T18:24:00.001+02:00

goal

2011-09-21T19:06:00.000+02:00

since my accident and I started at my school I've had a goal, which is ride bike from home to school before I graduate

And I did it this monday

I've reached the goal of my rehabilitation - I feel rather normal even there are still a lot of thing I can't, an example to be jumping

Vis stort kort

irony

2011-09-21T15:53:00.002+02:00

I'm laying on my bed - writing an assignment about bacterias, diseases, epidemics hygiene and how the Danish government tackles the situation in 1851 to 1914

while I'm having a fever on 39 degrees and I have no idea why

lol