Xanax + Heroin

Video Hoe: Oh Sookie

2010-06-28T13:23:00.003+10:00

So Snoop Dogg may be a P-L-A-Y-A, but now he also a vampire nerd. Thats right, in a promotional song (Snoop is no stranger to advertising and sponsor-shit) Dee Double oh Gee seems to be creating True Blood fan fiction through the power of his amazingly tasteful Rap music. HBO's hit TV series True Blood has served its purpose as the sexier side of Vampire pop culture, being described as 'Twilight for sluts', I like to think of it as Twilight for people that aren't Mormon, but I'll take it. Snoopy has also just released a track to be featured on the new NBA game, NBA 2K11. What a massive nerd! So I'm thinkin' S-D is gettin all bored (and broke?) sittin' up in his LA penthouse eatin' cornbread and smokin Maryjane all day.

But Video Hoe is here to analyze the subtle nuances in pop's greatest new videos. So here we go.

The video opens with the theme seeming to be "What would happen if Snoop Dogg visited Bon Temp for a day?" which is very confusing. It's mainly confusing as firstly the HBO series has serious issues with what fucking time period are we in. I mean, they speak with ol' skool southern accents and the only black characters are pretty much retarded. And secondly its confusing because .. why? But when you get over that it heats up. In a similar style to promotional music videos for movies.. most notably would have to be M2M's Don't Say You Love Me, which featured on the Pokemon: The First Movie Soundrack, we see shots from the actual show used as a background in which Snoop does some awful dance moves in front of. Actually they're more like general swagger than dance moves. And there's a pretty nice studded red leather back drop as well. I love how much they reffer to things as 'Tru' in the video (a reference to True Blood's use of the synthetic blood drink called "Tru Blood"). Snoop's number pl8 at the start says "TRU PIMP", and he mentions something about smokin' "Tru Bud" but my fave is when this sexy Fangbangin hoe olds up a bag of "Tru Nutz", spelled correctly ofcourse. I also really love the K-Pop style flashy screens which the Merlott's dancers slut themselves on.

Now the songs itself is amazing. The fan fiction style of it becomes realy apparent here. Snoop is basically confessing his sexy-time feelings for Sookie through the song. Firstly the thought of Snoop and Sookie in a relationship is too funny for words. And then when Snoop implies that he would like to have a threesome with Tara, it becomes obvious that hes not THAT into Sookie. he just likes puss. But anyway, he lures Sookie in by offering her a Maryjane cookie (good rhyme Snoop) and state that he wants to band her in the daytime so Bill won't find out.

I wonder what Anna Paquin or Palanquin or Penguin or whatever her surname is thinks.

The video pretty much speaks for itself actually.. I might juts let you get to it and watch it. Or watch it again and again as I have been.

3.5 / 5 Fangs.

Spotted: It's fuckin' Antwoord!

2010-04-09T16:29:00.035+10:00

Die Antwoord are going to be bigger and dirtier than Gaga my little fame monsters, once I educate you there will be no denying their 'Zef' power. They are your favourite band....you just don't know it yet. Personally i've experienced inner turmoil for weeks upon being exposed to Die Antwoord. Is it for real real? Or just for play play? My conclusion is that it is real...real fucking good and funny as shit and they are taking over the interwebs with their funky crunk junk.

Die Antwoord(Afrikaans for 'the Answer') IS the answer because DJ Hi-Tek owns a PC computer and makes next level beats, Ninja has serious gansta skill and Yo-Landi Vi$$er is just a stone cold fox.

Ninja says it best when he raps that he is 'too hot to handle, too cold to hold.' Man I gotta tap that ass. And steal his pants.

Yes you probz nearly projectile vomitted when you realised the little dude cruisin' about in this clip. He is a South African progeria survivor (one of the world's oldest survivors of progeria) and a prominent Cape Town artist named Leon Botha. And his work isn't too bad for a self taught artist. Check out his gansta shit at Leon Botha.

And remember don't ask for cock or you'll get what you ask for.

Here's some vintage shit up in this interweb page.

Still confused? Shakespeare is the poet for your mind and these cunts are modern day poets for your cock man. Hopefully this will enlighten you.

Watkin Tudor Jones or Ninja is a rapper, composer, protagonist, satirist. So that kills the dream a little bit. But Zef does actually exist and he explains that Die Antwoord is a way of "engaging my inner zef, which everybody has. It’s not a persona, it’s an extension of myself, an exaggerated version of myself." To learn more about Zef check out Wat Kyk Jy? the blog.

It's nice to finally be confronted by music rather than just dazzled by Hummers and Cristal flowing off random whores' tit$. You're intrigued but disgusted at the same time aren't you? Good...cause that's the point.

Download their album $O$(spelt correctly of course) immediately from the interwebs with some next level torrent technology. Listen to 'Rich Bitch' it's the song that I can relate to.

Spotted: Ricky Martin Sucking Cock

2010-04-01T15:13:00.005+11:00

Ok so no shit right?! Latino dick-throb Ricky Martian finally came out. But I mean if photos like THIS (look up) have been circulumating for ages then why are we even shocked? I for one am not. So apparently he tweeted about being a "fortunate homosexual man" or some shit. Boo hoo. I think tweeting is defiantly on the bottom of the recommended ways to come out. Mummy and Daddy in Peurto Rico (or wherever) probs dnt have iPhones or interwebs to read that shit! So how do they know? Huh!? Whos telling Sinorita Martin that he son loves to pack fudge? That he loves to lick colon, that he loves to dance to GaGa all night long at The Peel and wake up with a glow stick up his arse.. oh wait that was at my friends birthday the other week. Anyway, you get the picture.

Who's next?.. and I'm not looking at you Ian Thorpe.

Bai.

Did that just happen? Or was that the MDMA?: Numero Uno.

2010-03-24T23:00:00.030+11:00

Another segment? Why not....take a crazy chance why not do a crazy dance? Dats what H-Duff says. So from now on whenever I find something that I'm not sure whether or not it existed for real real or if I just made it up in mind I shall post it here.

Katy Perry bum humming Ke$ha?

You may wonder how I came across this and it's a simple explanation I typed 'ugly picture of Ke$ha' into Google images. And this is what popped up. Pretty hot. So maybe Ke$ha aint so bad. KP is almost Zooey Deschanel.....just sluttier. I actually thought Ke$ha was a dude.

Escaping Alcadadz.

She was hiding in the elephant hat the whole time! Arghhhhhhmazing. 私は父に誓う強姦されていません。(For youse non Japanese speakers it's Jap for 'I swear my daddy is not a rapist'.)

Tyra gettin' all flustered.

"If my mother yelled at me like this it's because she loved me. Take responsibility for yoself!" Guuurrrrl had no rezpect for T-Banks and so she skooled her. This could also double as Tyra's show reel for a potential Oscar winning role. 'Precious' the Sequel?

Burma: It can't wait....can't wait to have Tila on Burma, all over Burma.

Burma is dealing with ongoing conflict, forced confiscation of land, violence and discrimination and some US campaign thinks Tila is a suitable candidate to help infiltrate they are deluded. All she gonna do in infiltrate wit her fake AZN titties. But she's titties with a conscious I guess.

Video Hoe: I (L) Boylimia

2010-03-23T09:04:00.002+11:00

In this brand new segment, "Video Hoe", we will be ANALysing music vids from the intertrons and letting you know if we rate or hate them. Sounds understandably cheesy right? Anyways, were gonne kick it off with a shameless plug of our fave new band CCR.

As mentioned in 'Spotted: Next Big Thing', Camp Camp Rev are a sick new band to have come out of the Melbourne local music scene. Thier Myspace has more info if your keen but now im gonna analyzzee this viddy-vo.

CCR employ two techniques here. Animation, and Babeination. By "animating babes" so to speak, the result is pretty babe. I'm pretty sure these guys got some hardcore filmographers involved on this one.

If you look closely you'll notice the word 'CU*T" pop up in a few frames. Showing that the duo has Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve.. and Talent. And is that not the late Salior Moon theme these kuntz have sampled. Jesus.

Aiight thats enough self promotion. Im gonna go vom off the shame now. But watch it!

Theres nothing else I can say, Eh? Eh?

Spotted: Tila Tequila in Chapel St Gang Warfare

2010-03-17T13:29:00.006+11:00

If you are unaware who Tila Tequila is you probably aren't reading this blog, so that's k babe. But if you by some strange chance are then here's the low down. Tila is a topless model turned Myspace sex symbol turned Bisexual turned MTV Celebrity turned big slut that I personally love. She has a certain vibe(rator) about her that screams "i need to be loved". After 2 Seasons of 'A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila' on MTV mid noughties, she still found no true love. I mean whats a Vietnamese born mega babe meant to do?! actually go out and meet people?! Bitch please, those shows should have delivered the goods. Most recently shes been accused of being clinically insane after tweeting and causing on street rampages due to the death of her non-gender specific partner Casey Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson fame), who she was clearly only dating for all the free lube.

So.. we may have paid 28 bucks each to witness Tila Tequila herself visit our humble city. This is how the night unfolded in numbered bite sized chunks..

1. Where Am I?

First off, she stated "I love you Adelaide! (not Melbourne) and then went. SHIT! Oh god I'm in Melborrrnnneee Right?". This meant she was off to a great start. She was clearly intoxicated and on some form of illicit drug which everybody in the room wanted in on.

2. Like A Slut..

One "song" Tequila performed was 'Like A Virgin' of Madonna fame. Im pretty sure she was so wasted she thought she was Madonna. But she didn't even have a proper backing track, that bitch just sang over the top of Madonna. Riiighhhttt. And Virgin? Tila? Nah!

3. Nice Nips.

Her first outfit (Before her 45 min outfit changing and quick anal session interval) was basically a string of beads over her incredibly amazing tits. Even I wanted to lick them titties.

4. Muzak?

I don't think she actually performed a song. Oh! No wait! There was one called 'I Fucked the DJ'. In which she tried to climb up to her DJ and rape him. She is about 2 feet tall BTW.

5. AZN War.

During the night about 10 people were evacuated from the club as there was so much AZN gang violence. I was actually scared for my life. Oh and some guy went ape shit when I spilt my drink on him

6. Conclusion

All in a a pretty heinous night. B- would not buy again, I'm just glad I got to see T-T's T-T's! Hoi hoi hoi. I'm funny.

SILENCE NOW! Be gone with you.

In Too Deep: into Gaga's gaping gash!

2010-03-13T20:13:00.027+11:00

Gaga shake yo tit and show us yo clit! Godamn gurl........after watching the video clip/short film for 'Telephone' I wish that I had of created a video reaction like everyone did for 'Two Girls One Cup'. My fuckin' pussy needs a serviette after watching that! Alright I'm just dying to discuss my favourite moments because that was the best 9 minutes and 32 seconds of my life right there....even better than the time I saw Tila Tequila's nip nips.

Exhibit gAy: When we all saw Lady's Ga Gunt. Self explanatory.

Exhibit Beyonce: Watching Honey Bee feed that dirty Gatalian whore. I love watching feeders at work.

Exhibit Ceebs: Some serious headgear. The statement 'All you need is smokes and phone' has been taken to the next level. Pretty sure she got hardcore fingerbanged in that scene by the babe butch dyke. Tegan and Sara better watch out or GaGa is going to steal all their fan fans.

Exhibit Deez: More product placement than you can poke your hermie dick at. The best product placement was defs selling homosexuality. If there are any straight gurls left in the world after viewing this i'll be very surprised. Shit that babe on the right looks alot like my auntie.....bitch never bothered to tell me about this gig.

Exhibit Jaizzzzzz: Relief knowing that Jai from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' hasn't died from AIDS yet.

I really wish that the batteries in my vibe didn't just die. Guess i'll just have to remember how to drive manual again. Sha-moan?

Linkz:
http://mashable.com/2010/03/11/lady-gaga-telephone-video/

Melbourne Is: Half-Assing.

2010-03-11T16:00:00.004+11:00

Hay! Melbourne has always been renounced as the city of tranzport. I mean we gots trams, Adelaide only got 1! Pssh. And of course we're all in immense joy over the newest, kewlest, most high tech, AZN technology money could buy.. or kinda buy and then have not work properly. Myki! Mykee is the new credit card style ticketing system that Melbs is investing in. More like My-not-ki. hoi hoi hoi. Anyway this is my first example of Melbourne being filled with half assed shit. Oh and the uniforms those Myki help people wear are simply disgrosting! Fluro pee-green and blue aint a good match.

My next example is this. If you know what this is and your a Melbournian you're already vomming out your gunt. I know I am. Another try-hard super-future-azn-city-or-just-London idea was a big ol' wheel. These babes were gonna build this big white thing, which they did and it operated for like 2 weeks before the dodge parts from Korea (im sorry guys your musics is amazing but not so much engineering) or was is Japan? either way, it failed epically. H-core. Ka-put!

So seriously guys.. get some motivation, or money or something! Im tired of not having useless peices of infrastructure already! Gimme the key and the wheel and some kind of medal for speeding up the process. screw that, I'm a hero!

Night Y'all.

Fash Train: Stop 2.

2010-03-09T12:44:00.010+11:00

I think i've finally found a fashion trend that Fash Hayley hasn't discovered yet. It's the re-emergence for the mighty bowl cut.......all the cool babez are doin' it.

It's so in. It's so now. It's so the future!

But then I realised it's also our past. How could I have been so naive? The bowl has been the preferred style for most elite celebrities at some point in their career. I highly doubt that success can be achieved without a good bowl.

Sometime even a braided bowl cut works.

Or the gay bowl.

And this is where it all began, on the 96 tram. Because we all know that the peepz that ride this line have the money to look good. Shaaaawty!

Welcome home sluts.
xo

Spotted: Next Big Thing.

2010-02-23T11:47:00.002+11:00

Shit these guys are hot. CCR are an up and cumming pop/rap duo who intend on going all the way, consensual or not. Consisting of Melbourne based hotties T4M (pronounced Tam) and L4 FuNdwa (Pronouced La Fon-dwa). But it hasnt been smooth sailing already says the duo who are set to tour mid this year for the first time. I investigated.

The two were 45 minutes late to the interview we had set up, showing their true 'too-cool' personas, and possibly herpes. They seems slightly intoxicated too. Who can blame them, after a shamefull split between former members T1m (Tim) and CH4rliz3 (Shar-leese). The two former members were said to have been abusing drugs, stealing moneys from the CCR account, and having sexual relations with T4ms mother and father. The news spread fast in the underground pop/rap (and crunkcore) communities as people favourite new band (of She Gay fame).

After the split, this one-hit-wonder group are out to change their image, with a string of newer fresher sounds without the help of their ex-comrades. But will they succeed? With 2 new tracks already released I'm Easy and We (L) Boylimia we can only expect more of this deliciously lame music in our ears.

You can check out CCR's new stuff at their myspace ..
myspace.com/campcamprevolution

Jingle Jingle.

2009-12-24T11:36:00.003+11:00

Thats right kuntz. Its that time of year, and just a quick little shout out from your fave CelebraBloggers Prof Sam Oak and Whitney Port. We're both off for a bit, Whitneys going to the Maldives before it completely drowns (who cares right?) for some tanning and maybz some cheap hookers and I'm off to Iran to teach under privileged children how to blog.

Oh heres a little pressie from us..

Seish.

Missing b4ybz.

2009-12-05T20:56:00.005+11:00

Some sick cuntz stole my baby(fathered by my black up dancer, baby daddy K-Fed) and my sweet ride from Carlton yesterday so if any youse see either of these items please send express post to 123 Swanston St Melbourne VIC 3000 (which coincidently is the address of fashion haus Deborah K). If not I buy dems again off ebay for a reasonable price. I can't be arsed making a missing persons poster. That's gay and people collect them so no one ends up finding your shit anyway in the end.

Melbourne is: Guided Tours.

2009-12-03T22:30:00.030+11:00

Recently I visited Sydney as an adult for the first time and well....it was shit. All dems them got is a pointy singin' building, a bridge that costs a shit load to paint and cheap prostitutes at your disposal throughout Kings Cross. And I've never seen so many white people in my life. Sydney is full of those cuntz. Melbourne on the other hand loves/ruvs everybody and we aint afraid to show it. Let's see what our vastly multicultural citizenry thinks about Melbourne.

Melbourne from the Asian perspective.

Melbourne is a shopping paradise....well Footscray is. And Dim Sims now include extrinsic flavours...I thought it was pretty straightforward cat's testicals you can get that from Mr. So Wong at your local market. I wish that sequence went longer. I may or may not have gotten a soy wettie.

The West Gate Bridge is now referred to as 'the belly of the serpentine beast'. But don't worry its cool cause its rather secure. Except when yo crazy daddy is throwing you off. I wonder if there's a re-enactment musical on the bus tour? And Yeah sista watch out Q'Land Melbourne gots some big thangs too. Mostly vacuumm cleaners though. My favourite thing about Melbourne is the disco sector.

Melbourne from the 'i'm tucking into a bit of dead roo' bushranger perspective.

Firstly I needs to say..... I wrote that theme song. Actually I learnt something too....after Israel, Melbourne is the most multicultural country in the world, made up of over 120 ethic groups...we must be well over due for some mass genocide. Come one Australia the world already thinks we're lazy...hop to it. We have clearly finished cleaning up all the roo, crocodile and possum we got...move on to bigger and better things. Let's kill some baybz now.

Not only does music waft out of pubs and clubs the smell of vomit does too ie. At Star Bar, Sundays biggest night. And was that another serpentine reference regarding Melbourne? Wendy your a slut we all know what you love Botanical gardens, because it's perfectly secluded so that you can use Rohypnol(or 'roofies'....thats what all the cool babes call it) on unsuspecting wildlife and digitally rape them.

Melbourne from the Ramsay St perspective.

Who else other than Holly Valance to do Melbourne justice. She is a true Australian treasure and has the experience to back it up. She is the most baybin and qualified hoe to show us what our city has to offer following the years she spent in the gutter out the front of the 'Epsy' in St.Kilda. I almost went bankrupt paying her for wristies. I just knew even then that the gurl had talents. Down boy got to keep it down boy. Okay?

Ps. Prof Sam Oak seriously fuck you and clean up my fucking vomitt like a good wifie.

K-Poop?

2009-12-01T12:25:00.002+11:00

So as a new era begins in our lives, welcome to the already too obese blog-o-sphere a new blog! Its called K-Pat and its the prefered child of X+H writer Whitney Port (K-rice). K-rice has decided to explore her love for enimalz and blogs by stalking your unguarded pets and touching them inappropriately before using these sick pornographic images to entertain the masses. What. A. Babe!

But does this mean the end for X+H?! Hells no. Were still kicking even know its mainly me doing all the posting. But this cool. Good ol' K-face got enough junk to fill 2 useless blogs.

So now for my indepth analysis on the K-Pat logo. It starts with the Katy Perry font, downloaded from the interwebs, lightly coated in hair. And actually that's about it. But its pretty hot. Give her a comment about it or something. I hear she likes lemon and sugar crepes. Take her one in and she might even say thanks! he he he.

Ah thats enough, I'm clearly bitter about this whole thing. I miss you K-babe. :(

Spotted: BAYBZ

2009-11-23T17:10:00.003+11:00

Taken from the new collection of art garments by (kinda?) famous fash designer Charlotte Webb, comes these amazing photos released just moments ago. Modeling the collection, celebrababes Lil'-Lo, and S-Rida present themes such as Hope, Destiny, and of course.. Cyrus.

The shoot, which we had spech back stage priviliges too, went smoothly, exepct for a few diva moments by our famous models. Lil'-Lo demanded fried chicken at one point, to be serevd with white rice and grape soda. Her request was ofcourse processed, but the work experience kid took 20 minutes to return from the nearest KFC, causing uproar.

We'll be seeing more from these boganistas soon.

Melbourne Is: Culture

2009-11-15T15:16:00.003+11:00

Sup homies and holes!

Who's the real vulture? Culture? Or the vulture? I'm not too sure about this conundrum, and either do Footsrcay based hip-hop group BANGS. And why would they, there too busy rolling in money and women, not to mention going on classy dates involving the movies and 2 for 1 Whoppers. They're the freshest new face on the Melbourne hip-hop scene. Hailing from Sudan (cultural) they intend on takin' gurlz to da moviez, being babez, and general just 'tude.

I love that Melbourne is so multicultural. I mean some days i'll walk into an asian store and find something at least half decent and smile to myself. We even have an entirely Asian run pretzel store in Melbourne Central station. And its really shit too.

But enough about Asia. Its Sudan's turn. These fresh of the boat hotties have even directed this amazing clip to their new hit song 'Take U To Da Movies'. Its kind of like Jay-Z meets Footscray Community Centre. I'm also feeling there deep cultural roots in this song too, making it even more cultural..They're almost celebrablack. Does this mean they carry celebraguns? Hell no, there aint enough faux five dollar notes in the blue screen backgrounds of they're clip to buy one round of ammo. Snap.

Im off to buy some XXL t-shirts and shutter shades bling from Hip Hop Master. If you also want this look visit them at 6A Paisley st Footscray. Shit yeah.

Silver Cigarette award for excellence in: Wig Design

2009-11-07T17:21:00.003+11:00

Introducing JONTE'.

Yes you may remember him from various Beyonce video clips or even his first hit single 'Bitch U Betta'(click here to check that out). This bad ass androgynous muthafukka will sensory rape your eyes, and then make your ass bleed just a little bit, all in 9 inch heels. But my favourite thing about JONTE' (besises that he speaks fluent Yapanese) is that he manages to maintain a masculine image consistently, even though he ware make-up and heels. I'm fuckin' scared of him.

I also apresh his name. J-O-N-T-E-' (very important not to forget the '). His success in Yapan probably stemmed from this name spelling choice. These babes are infatuated with the very thought of touching JONTE' that they seem to be creaming there pants as he dances (and sings?). Also my fave line in the song is "Yeah I tuck my dick, but it's still there chillin'". Its awesome. He babe.

Thats about it. Vote for me on Idol.

Euroshit: Düsigñér Labéls

2009-11-03T21:32:00.003+11:00

Bergen, Norway

Kaunas, Lithuania

So why does Europe have to be so classy and trashy at the same time? I'm not entirely sure but I think it has something to do with Gicci. Norway's finest boutique. The shoppers of Gicci can expect quality and design for an affordable price, you can even smell the sweat from the hideous Filipino children who spent minutes crafting the seams which will inevitably split due to the amount of rolls these chubby Norwegians have (probs from all the whale they consume).

In Kaunas's highly regarded shopping mall, Akropolis, which features an indoor ice-skating rink (surrounded by cheap restaurants so people laugh at you when you fall), aquarium escalator and bowling alley that serves beer in tubes lies a secret! The very designers Versace and Gucci have visited the upper level car-park! Not only visited either, they seemed to have had an interest in street art before becoming multi-billion dorrar designers.

Thats all, you can go shave your back now.

Cumercialized.

2009-11-01T14:31:00.001+11:00

'Don't judge too quickly', I haven't become completely lazy by posting ad commercials I just believed that everyone must see these bad boys. If only we had quality ads to fill in the time between Ladette to Lady and infomericals about Thun Lizzy's Sux in 1(Thin Lizzy's 6 in 1). I don't have a mortgage but i'm sure if I did I would be calling up Ameriquest.

#1

No one likes a bloody pussy. Am i not right guuuurls?

#2

I'm just going to eat this shit and take a shit. Confusing.

#3

Daddy-o's and Pedos are same thing?

#4

If that killed your love for x&h....I ceebs to care.

In Too Deep: Size Matters

2009-10-27T22:14:00.004+11:00

So. Its been forevs since an 'In To Deep' has graced your expensive wanky Macbook screens. So I decided to go out on an abstract limb and produce one about size. Size isnt a place or a thing or a size.. its an attitude, and as you will learn it comes in many forms. The scale i'm using to judge these size related hilarities is "inches". As i see it fits. And I like making cock references. The more inches it gets the more it deserves to be on this site as a size related thing.

Exhibit A: Novelty Over Size iPhone.

Yes. A rare breed indeed. These macro iPhones were developed by the corrupt Chinese government to attract babes through tourism, then to rip them off when they pay 20c for a photo and then learn it is infact not a real iPhone. I was pretty excited it was 20 degrees in Tokyo when I saw this bad boy hangin' out at the mall. He kindly let me take a photo with him (must be a hard life as a celebradyke [especially one with celebraAIDS]).

Inches : 6"

Exhibit B: Paris Hugeton.

If you haven't heard already you're probs a lesbian or live in a third world country that doesnt even have novelty over sized iPhones yet (pssh lames). PH her-hot-self has coined a new phrase. Coined here means took an exsisting word, made it sassy-sexy-cool and now all of teen-hollywood jiz all over it. Its 'Huge'. As in "Huge" is the new "Hot". So now all you have to do is call people huge and your an instant babe. One word of advice though, steer clear of refering to your token fat friend in such a manner. Shes vulerable right now.. as I raped her.

Inches: 17 1/2"

Exhibit C: Refer to Exhibit D

Exhibit D: Micro Dolphin Breeding.

Yums. Have you ever wanted to take a dolphin, make it mini, dep fry it and brand it as a packet of chips?! OMG right, me too. So now its reals. I have decided to forget about modeling and go for my dream of becoming a Micro-Doplh breeder! In stores soons.

Inches: Babe"

Spotted: Eat, Sleep, Shit?

2009-10-21T23:01:00.003+11:00

AHHH! Hey there pathetic bored losers, its been ages that I've posted as unlike you I have an awesome life filled with joyus things that keep me busy. Like my new boyfriend (my iPhone that is) Anyways, It happened a while ago now but when I saw it, it was fresh. Its Janice Dickinson making an absolute ass of herself on Finland's Next Top Model. Now as we all watch FNTM religiously I'm sure you've seen it.

But for those weirdos that don't have any taste in TV progamming, here it is to check out.

I love how she refers to modelling as a thing you have to eat, sleep and shit. Well duh. I mean its just like that time I got AIDs and I literally eat, slept and shat it. Infact I eat, sleep and shit many things.. like the product of that cup left over from those 2 Brazilian girls in that viral video.

I also love how she abuses the girls who are clearly hotter than she ever was. Gimme a Fin over J-Dick anyday. The chick who has the messy room.. big babe. But I guess they did get the real scoop on the modelling industry.. its fucked.

Now in another video, that I cant seem to find (i deplore you) she falls down the stairs, abuses the girls some more calling them "dumb model bitches" and then explains what happened the next day. And of course its just that she mixed up her "vitamin C tablet" with a "headache pill" and then may have had a few "sips" of "champagne". Thats its cunts, if "off".

Fash Train: Stop 1.

2009-10-16T14:24:00.025+11:00

A new segment aoooooo!!!!!!
Fash train highlights our most treasured moments of our public transport week. What's hot and what's not.

Day 1. Saturday. TramPARTY.

'Twas an average Saturday night. Everyone was out, slutted up and ready to get wasted. But the peeps at New Workers Club that night had a dirty secret! They were congregating for a special locomotive event planned for the West Preston 112 tram at approx 11pm. It was Take Away show meets Flash Mob but better than both put together. As it went down everything that we hoped would happen did. The Pecocks played at the special event, a guy somehow managed to crowdsurf on a packed moving tram, someone smoking some green, and so many people jumping that the tram was bouncing off the tracks. We made it 2 stops before the lights went out and the tram driver asked 'everyone get off the tram now'. Basically we pissed of and bemused alot of innocent passengers and it was worth it!

Here is the band singing their litte hearts. Not that we could hear shit from where we were.

The beautiful and crammed people.

Innocent tram travellers. The babe to the right must have just put her shirt back on She was going wild seconds before that.

So then after being kicked off the tram these kuntz started dancing with the zebra busker who takes song requests.

Day 2. Monday. Staring down science fiction novels.

Some kunt trying to conjure some anal rapist elf out of his World of Warcraft cheat book. Actually is he one of the guys in my 3D Modelling class that was talking about swords. FYI 'if a sword has a design on the blade it is no considered a weapon but it still needs to be behind glass'- Freak from class.

Day 3. Wednesday. Train arrest at Glenferrie.

'I apologize we will have to stay at Hawthorn station for a few minutes, a passenger on a train at Glenferrie is ill and requires assistance'-Train Driver.
Yeah sure Mr. Train driver you make Megan from OzGirl look like a convincing actor. We couldn't figure out why this would hold us up at Hawthorn for so long. Sam concluded that it was an excuse for someone committing suey infront of the train ahead and that was why. 10 minutes go by, still no movement and I ask loudly to a silent train, 'Seriously how long does it take to scrap blood and guts off train tracks?' Lolz.
But wait now we have police in bullet proof vest searching the train. -'Um should be panic?'-Whitney -'Fuck it let's grab that other train'.-Professor Sam.

Professor Oak trying to piece everything together.

I'm pretty sure that they ended up arresting this babe.

Soz it's been a while. 'I'm gonna kill the sun!!!!"
xo

iPhones are Homoerotic

2009-09-17T11:45:00.002+10:00

Introducing.. http://guyswithiphones.com/

Its basically a whole heap of babes taking photos of themselves with iPhones. Thats about it. But! The whole point isnt the babes at all. Its totally about the iPhone.

iPhones themselves are quite sexual. I mean think about it. the shape, the choice between black or white, they seriously are similar to cock. Except you can't GPS navigate yourself out of a sticky situation with a cock. Maybe. I have tried

I love the image above as it showcases how amazingly multi-racial this concept is. And it is. Its also the most un-superficial thing ever. I mean having an iPhone isnt vain enough, but uploading images of your ripped bod (probs with AIDS) makes you so much cooler. And sassier.

Anyway, I'm off to take some more shots of myself. (BTW I'm the one of the right.)

Later, cunts.

Spotted: Bronson.. All Grow'd Up?

2009-09-14T22:00:00.003+10:00

What is going on. My favourite childhood characters are all turning into trashy sluts or lame shuffling Corey Worthington wannabes. Sigh. First Vanessa Hudgens, now this?! All those times I thought i could relate to Bronson (lovable lil' redhead from Round The Twist) through his ups and downs in my favourite beach-side town.. its all over.

Seriously this clip makes me wanna vom just a little. Its just like when Carson was on Big Brothet a few years ago and they all went crazy. And I was all like 'kuntz please', its Carson, who gives a shit. But then you actually do kind of a shit. And you wish you didn't.

So if shuffling (non-Melbournian readers should Wikipedia 'Melbourne Shuffle') wasn't lame and weird enough, chuck in a D-grade child celebrity and you make it worse! Remember that kids.

I just want his mom to come out going 'BROOOONSSOOOONN!' and slap him on his lilly white ass.

In Too Deep: V-Hudge Career Moves.

2009-09-12T18:48:00.007+10:00

Vanessa Hudgens is the hottest and tightest piece of arse getting around right now. Forget our past scanda-whores divas Britney, Paris and Mel Gibson. It's all about the V-Hudge! She's hanging around now like a sticky piece of shit on your toilet bowl, no matter how many times you flush, it's still there. This bitch is popular and will keep getting paid..... most likely in digital camera memory cards. Due to her history in 'flash' photography this segment will be rated in 'flashies'.

*'Flash' photography meaning getting naked not artifically lit photography.

Exhibit A: Film-Thirteen
Flashies: 5.7

Thirteen was infact Vanessa's debut film....not bad for someone who moved onto the faggy pseudo-musical series that is High School Musical. I love musicals and this was the only one I couldn't bare to watch. Absolute filth, Judy Garland must be turning in her grave. Well its either about that or she realised Liza Minelli was actually her genetic daughter. Vanessa played Noel who was Tracey's(Evan Rachel Wood) best friend from across the street...before she became a tramp.

Exhibit B: Solo music
Flashies: 9 and ¾

Vanessa always makes sound decisions when it comes to her career. Especially when it involves fluro sneakers. Yay shameless plug for Ecko. I love when songs are written for products. Like 'Ring of Fire' for the popular hemorrhoid-relief commercial. Example in video form below.

'Basically what we gonna do is dance"....wise gurl.

Exhibit See: Rock, paper, scissor tournaments
Flashies: 33

Alright so they have rock, paper, scissor tournaments on Disney now, between the notorious 'good-but-bad' girls Vanessa and Miley. If only this was a contact sport and Vanessa jammed her arm down Miley's throat removing her larynx and feeding it to Pluto as an afternoon snack. If you can't be bothered watching all the video it's cool Vanessa wins. Zac mentioned that she had pretty quick hands. Youse kuntz don't even know.

Exhibit D: Nudie shots
Flashies: 169.99

All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in her new film 'Bandslam.' Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into film reel, they’d call it 'Bandslam.' I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see her barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.

She really should be taking this guys advice.