XCENTRIC-ANGEL

END OF THE WORLD! REALLY??

2012-01-29T10:13:00.001-05:00

Its been a long time since I have put my thoughts down. There have been many magical moments the last year, and this year too has started off on a good note. The lessons I have learnt are many. I am sure all of you have also been through many ups and downs last year, and started this year with a hope that it will be better than the last.

But as soon as this year started I have been listening to people talking about the "end of the world" this year. Nostradamus has made predictions which give these assumptions life. The more we think about the end of the world I think we are bringing it closer.

The predictions are many. They say the Mayan's calender ends in 2012 because they predict the world will end. Nostradamus, a french prophet, predicts the end of the world in 2012. Included among 2012 predictions is the belief that there is a 12th planet in our solar system whose orbital path comes close to earth every 30 million or so years. If it doesn't hit us they say, the gravitational pull of this planet will cause massive destruction on earth that we will not recover from. They say that because of this, 2012 will be the end of the world.

There are other predictions like the Armageddon. The Armageddon is the prediction of an ultimate war between good and evil that the Bible speaks of. It is a war that God himself will step in and end. Even those who do not believe in the Bible believe that the way the world is going, we are headed for a final conflict that will bring an end to most of not all civilization.

Apocalypse is different to Armageddon. It is the English version of the Greek word apokalupsis. Apokalupsis is translated as "revelation" in the book of Revelation in the Bible. It means "lifting of the veil". However, the word Apocalypse has historically taken on the meaning of "the terrible judgements foretold to happen at the end of Man's rule on Earth" which are described in that book.

Thus, "The Apocalypse" is another term for the book of Revelation, as well as the series of events described in the book of Revelation. Apocalypse is also a technical term for a certain type of biblical prophecy. An apocalyptic passage in the Bible is viewed as a prophecy describing events that will surely come to pass, and thus cannot be affected by the choices made by men. One of those events is the battle of Armageddon.

NASA regularly monitor solar (sun) activity and can even predict general cycles showing when the most likely time will be for larger flares. In a general way, these predictions are reasonable reliable. But do their predictions include an extra big flare on December 21, 2012? With what certainty can NASA tell us that a solar flare will bring the end of the world in 2012?

It is claimed that on December 21, 2012 there will be some form of mystical astronomical alignment with the center of our galaxy. One version of this theory says that the alignment occurs when the sun rises above the horizon on December 21st 2012 (the winter solstice) at which point the sun will rise in the middle of the milky way, thus causing an alignment between the earth sun and the galactic center.

While astronomy programmes appear to verify this, there are however some serious problems with building a case for the end of the world in 2012.

Some believe that humanity was genetically "seeded" by a superior alien race. They believe that in 2012 this race are going to come back and do a number of things such as rescue us from self destruction, bring us enlightenment and so on... There are also some who believe that they will simply help us destroy ourselves.

Some time ago, a number of people committed suicide as a comet was passing by earth because they believed an alien space craft was hidden behind the comet and the way to be transported on to it and transformed into a new form of existence was to take their lives at that time. It was a tragedy.

What do you think? Do you think that any of these will really happen? I hope not. Because I have plans for my future and I would hate to see it ruined.

by, Teja Priyadarshini

THOUGHTS

2012-01-26T04:57:00.002-05:00

So many thoughts in my mind

So many questions I need answers to

So many hours I waste sitting

So many minutes spent waiting

The final cut to the scene

The final hour of the day

Left with nothing to think

Left with nothing to work my way with

Waiting endlessly for a reason

Waiting forever for something new

Days go by without a shape

Days slip away into years

How long will this go on?

How long will it keep me alive?

Living without a dream

Living without an aim in life.

by, Teja Priyadarshini

DREAM STATE OF MIND

2012-01-23T05:51:00.000-05:00

Familiar places, familiar lanes.

Memories lost, memories gained.

A feeling of belonging.

A feeling of deep longing.

A dream land, in a funny mind.

Of places seen, of places been.

Of jumping off buildings.

Of happy joyful tidings.

A heart set, on a heart met

Of love lost and love gained

A face I see

A face I want to be.

Of dying, of flying

Of living and running

A dream that makes me smile

A dream that makes me go a mile.

Of skies of color, a sky on fire

Dreaming of days not so dire

A dream can take you away

or it can show you a way.

Choose what you like

Choose what you might

A dream state of mind

is just one of its kind!

by, Teja Priyadarshini

CONFUSION

2012-01-15T13:21:00.000-05:00

Clouded, foggy, my mind wonders,

why in life we make such blunders.

Can anyone know what they want,

and do they find what they have sought?

What do people really look for?

Do we always want some more?

When confusion rules our heart,

do we really do our part?

We give so much of ourselves

In the end we sound our own death knell.

Tired and exhausted we lie down,

Angry and prejudiced, on a little mound.

What did we expect of life,

and what did it turn out to be?

On emotions one has no control.

But we die with a tainted soul.

by, Teja Priyadarshini

Mystic Moon

2011-08-08T14:28:00.005-04:00

She steals her way slowly,

like a weightless feather across the sky dark grey.

tempting you with her soft glow

and suddenly the memories flow.

A reminder of a night spent in a lover's arms,

and if by chance of a lover's fight,

her light asks them to stay calm.

Basking in the soft white light,

romantic verses many a poets have had the chance to write.

Her beauty surpasses many of nature's,

she glorifies mountains and rivers where her light reaches.

Slowly and steadily she grows from a smile of a child,

to the bosom of a woman, yet she dies only to be reborn again.

Magnificent is her appearance at her prime,

that even the oceans turn silver appearing as if they are her shrine.

The moon stands alone beaming like a beacon in the night sky,

for all the travelers to lead them by.

by,Teja Priyadarshini

Dreaming about sunshine

2011-08-08T14:15:00.003-04:00

Dreaming about sunshine and red roses,

birds singing in the skies make my heart soar.

Colors are more brighter than I ever knew.

Gone are the days grey and nights so blue.

Life seems to have taken a new turn.

So near is a lover's heart I yearn.

The wind is whispering words so sweet,

I cant wait for the day we'll meet.

Night sky has all its stars shinning.

It looks like a perfect drawing.

All my loneliness has taken flight.

Only love seems to be in sight.

Oh its a wonderful feeling to be in love,

my spirit flies high like a dove.

Blue skies and red roses,

a dream coming true when my heart dozes.

by,Teja Priyadarshini

The Dark Side of the Moon

2011-04-25T12:10:00.003-04:00

The dark side of the moon,

so forlone and cold.

Not a ray of light on its surface,

not a hope of warmth in sight.

So is the heart I carry,

a sinners sin, a moments weakness.

The touch of pride,

the lust that does not die.

Like the dark side of the moon

I carry the shadow of my past.

Honor and justice are prime,

but I'll have to pay for my crime.

I have betrayed hope, and drowned love.

There is no way out, that I know of.

I wait around the dark side of the moon,

till there is no air in my lungs.

This side is mine and mine alone.

No one knows for how long now, I've kept this secret alive.

But in the dark side of the moon, no one really knows,

about the miseries the human body holds.

Airless, breathless I stand in the darkness.

Unreal and numb to the world.

My heart is heavy from the whispers of the past.

How long now, will I with hold?

I smile at people as the walk by me,

but they dont know that my life is a lie.

They cant see the darkness I am standing in,

nor can the sense my fear.

Try as much as I can,

I cannot move into the light.

There is no saving me now, from my doom,

nor from the dark side of the moon.

by,Teja Priyadarshini

The girl with the black swimming cap

2011-04-19T05:26:00.005-04:00

Hello! Yes, I am the girl with the black swimming cap. It summer and so I decided to join a pool. I joined a place which is somewhere near the beach. Its a nice pool, a little small though compared to the 50mts pool I used to go to. This pool has a mixed batch of men and women. I am not sure if I should even mention women because there are only two of us who come regularly and there is this other lady who comes once in a while.

You might wonder why should you read something about a swimming pool! Its the most boring thing. What could possibly happen there. But read on, I am sure you will find it interesting.

Now I would like to split the crowd in groups. First you have the kids. Yes, they can be a lot of fun to watch and all that, with the cute little faces in colorful swimming costumes. But just as you begin to swim they always seem to wriggle in your way. When we were younger our moms told us to be nice to the new kids in class or where ever. Here little ones (who are younger than ten usually) are quite cruel to new kids who join the pool . I saw these two young fellas making fun of another little girl with a name a little different from usual. Another time I saw these kids teasing couple of foreign children. Kids whose mother tongue is Telugu, talk to each other in Hindi as if it is a new fad! I mean come on, why not talk in your own language? Because its not 'cool' I guess.

The older kids (mostly adolescents) are spoiled to the core. They only talk to each other about what their rich fathers are buying them and how they convinced them to do so. I mean, whats with a 13 year old convincing his father to buy him an 85 grand LCD TV? Kids now a days hardly play out side, they never know how it is to scrape a knee climbing a tree, or how to even play hop scotch!

The kids in pool are only 1/3 of the population. The remaining are the men. There are the Mischievous Dads, who on the pretense of teaching their kids how to swim, come and rub themselves against the only two women in the pool. It is even more annoying when they turn to you and don't even utter a sorry. Why they do this, I do not know. But what ever it is I hope their wives are watching.

The other kind are the Flirts. These men comprise of generally younger looking men (maybe they are really young, but I can never tell). They are the kinds who would come and stand next to you. And if by chance you look at them with your water-soaked-swimming-goggles-worn-face they smile at you. But the thing they don't know is that after a couple of laps the swimming goggles get real foggy, restricting clear vision. Hence the smile goes unnoticed.

There are yet those who I would like to call the Dudes of the Pool. These are men who are all beefed up and come to learn swimming. Its the last thing you want to see, believe me. Its one thing that men with bulging muscles come and swim next to you, but its another when you see them swim with a rubber tube around them like babies.

The last and yet the worst are the Leeches. These men are big-bellied-hairy-bodied-oglers who for some reason swim right next to the women or right at them, and then hang on to the wall at the deep side of the pool. When you are doing the breast stroke with your swimming goggles on you can see the lower end of their bodies lining the deep side of the pool wall. So if you are a women, you better know how to turn around when you get to the deep side, or you would just have to lay a hand on one of them leeches.

What ever the category, 'men love meat' is not a theory but a reality. Oh don't get me wrong, women do too, but men make it so obvious. This is why most women get put off. If a man wants a woman to take notice of them they should do it with finesse! Especially at the pool. Maybe they should take classes from Mr. Loner. A guy with a great body, and swimming skills that can make a woman drool (an expression...don't really drool in the pool). He pretends he is not interested in you, but when you look closely with your water-fogged-swimming-goggles-worn-face you know he steals a few glances now and again.

Oh well, I guess that is why the swimming pool is so interesting. I sure hope the men can take pointers from my observation and just be bold enough to strike a conversation with a woman, without coming on too strong. I mean lets face it, women population is decreasing day by day! So a little advice from us wont hurt, eh?

Okay then, I have to hop into my swim suit and get ready for the pool. That is all for now from the girl with the black swimming cap.

by,Teja Priyadarshini

The way people walk

2011-03-05T02:04:00.002-05:00

The way people walk, I tell you,

some of them very absurd.

Some have the world on their shoulders,

while some strut around like they are carrying boulders!

'Flap dem feet'. Thats what the mind says to these

who can even out do Geese.

Some, if you may please,

have jelly for knees,

but walk dis-alarmingly with ease!

Some others are graceful like royalty,

on their way for a cup of tea.

While others walk like mermaids out of the sea!

Some walk like Penguins in a fight,

ho ho its a lovely sight.

Some walk scrapping the ground,

making an awful sound.

While some walk like they just got off a horse,

while others walk with a definite cause!

How do I walk? you may ask,

But this question I will pass,

because I am a dainty lass!

Beauty

2011-02-23T01:58:00.003-05:00

What is beauty?

but just skin deep.

No one seems to realize this,

no one seems to believe.

Wars were raged,

many a battles fought.

For the fair skin maiden,

brave hearts have sought.

What about the unseen beauty,

that hides under a pale face.

Of the intelligent spark,

in ordinary black eyes?

What that of which is needed for a happy life,

that which is not seen by plain sight?

What of those hearts who truly love?

Are those to be left behind just to rot?

I see no sense in a love like this,

a love which reigns on beauty seen.

A love that cannot go beyond a point,

is this what love seeks and hopes to find?

Beauty is not on one's face, body or right

but within their heart, mind and might.

This simple truth goes unseen by us

we look at the skin and lose our heart thus.

Is it worth a thousand lives? Is it worth a million lies?

Is beauty of the face worthier than the heart?

or did someone leave out that part?

Anger, rage bring tears to my eyes

what people see in physical beauty I just cannot see, even if I try.

But still the world will go on

seeing beauty as it is.

Not stopping for a minute to see through it.

Physical beauty is skin deep,

yet no one believes nor wants wants to peep.

The Stranger - Part 2

2010-11-02T04:03:00.009-04:00

All was well in my mind. It was a beautiful day. Warm sun, cool breeze. You can almost feel winter setting in. I opened my eyes to look at the window opposite my bed. I stared at the pigeons perched on a iron railing on my neighbour's terrace. The sky was cloudy and I felt good.

After a few minutes of solitude, I turn to pick up my phone from the bedside table. I was surprised to see that my phone screen was blinking and said 22 unread messages. I was wondering who would send me so many messages? Did mom message? Was there an emergency?

No they were messages from my new friend, Devika. I was surprised.

Hi. how are you?

I am glad we are friends now. It feels so nice talking to you.

Do you think I should go to office today? I dont feel so well.

Would you like to come down for coffee?

Why are you not replying? Are you sleeping still?

Dont you have to go to work? Get up

So on and so forth. First I thought it was sweet. But then by the time I got to the 20th message I was annoyed. I mean who is this girl? I hardly know her. Why on earth is she texting me so much?

So I picked up the phone and called her.

"Hello?"

"Hey hi, Tanya here", I said sleepily. "I just saw your sms's. Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Just missed you. So I texted", she said. "Would you like to come down for a cup of coffee or maybe some breakfast?"

"No. I am actually getting ready for work. I am late. Slept in past my time" I said making an excuse.

"Maybe you can come here after work?"

"Lets see. I will let you know"

"Ok. Have a nice day"

"Yeh, you too", I said before hanging up.

I had a weird feeling in my heart as I sat there on my bed with my hair all ruffled thinking what it could mean. Why am I feeling weird about the whole thing? She seems like a nice girl. And my first acquaintance in the apartment. So I decided to stop feeling weird about it.

Later that day, when I was coming back from work I decided to drop by and say hello to Devika. She was surprised to see me. We had some coffee and talked. This was a beginning of a friendship and soon my weird feeling disappeared.

We started spending time daily. We also started talking a lot about our lives. She told me that after her separation from her husband she fell in love with her classmate from college. She also told me that he was married but has filed for divorce. I told her about all my attempts at love and how I am single now. I also told her about my best friend Ritu and my mom.

She was just a friend to me. But for her I was becoming something more. She would ask my opinion on every small thing. I started getting a feeling of unease. I felt like I was her lover. A feeling I never got from any of my close friends.

"Tanya, are you at home?" She said over the phone one day.

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, are you coming down for lunch?"

"In a while" I said, still lazing around in be. It was a beautiful cold Sunday afternoon, with just a hint of a drizzle.

"Ok. Tell me, should I take a head bath or a body bath?". As soon she asked me that I got very irritated.

"Please Devika. You want me to decide about something like that for you?" I must have sounded irritated on the phone cause she quickly said her goodbyes and hung up.

Later when I had gone down to her place, I apologized for my behavior over the phone. She didn't mind, and we went on to have a lovely lunch.

A few days later Ritu, my best friend, called to tell me that she would be in town. So I called up Devika to tell her this.

"I am so happy. After such a long time" I said elated.

"Will you introduce me to her?" She asked. If only I had noticed the change in her tone.

"Sure I will. Why wont I?"

A few days later my best friend Ritu landed. I was so excited. We had three days to ourselves and we already made plans having loads of fun. Ritu's flight had arrived late that night. She was so exhausted that we decided to sleep. The next day was a Friday and I took the day off to be with Ritu.

At breakfast the next day I mentioned Devika to Ritu.

"Oh! A new friend huh?" Ritu asked, between mouthfuls of scrambled egg.

"Yeh. Nice girl. I am sure you will like her" I said, applying butter to my toast.

"Well why dont we meet her after breakfast?"

"Yeh ok. I will let her know we are coming", I said taking my phone out to text her.

"Ask her if she would like to go partying with us tonight. The more the merrier", Ritu said, finishing off the last of her scrambled eggs.

We went to Devika's place in the afternoon for lunch. She was making a special lunch for Ritu. I thought it was very sweet of her to do that.

"Hi Devika. I am Ritu", Ritu said, extending her hand.

"Its so nice to meet you finally", Devika said taking Ritu's hand.

"What did you make? It smells yum", I said heading toward the kitchen.

"I made some lovely chicken curry and fried rice. Are you guys hungry? Would you like to have something to drink?"

"What do you have?" I asked.

"There is some Coke in the fridge if you want some", she said heading toward the fridge.

"We have it with the food", said Ritu pulling a chair to sit.

"Fine. Shall I serve the food then?", Devika asked.

"Ok", I said.

As Devika got busy in the kitchen Ritu turned towards me and said, "She seems sweet. I kinda like her".

Little did Ritu and I know what was going to happen next.

Keep reading for more.

The Stranger - Part 1

2010-11-02T03:33:00.002-04:00

Have you ever wondered as you walk through life, thinking who would even look at me, or who would even care, that there is some one who is always watching you? No, I am not talking about God. Do you some times feel a chill down your spine, when you are perhaps walking towards your apartment? Has your heart skipped a beat because you feel that you just saw someone by your window? Eerie isn't it?

This is a story of a very normal person. A person who would have perhaps not even been noticed for she looked too 'normal'. As I recite this story please bare in mind, this story has no resemblance to anyone living or dead, and is purely fictitious.

It was poruing one Friday evening, as I rushed back from a long day at work. My body was giving up on me. Yet I stood there patiently at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the lift to descend.

People who stay in my apartment block have this overwhelming feeling of If I didn't go in the lift why should I close it when I hear the bell for it? Why should I care if somebody is stuck in it? So I waited and waited for somebody to close the lift door on the third floor so that I could go home.

A girl joined me. I guess she was new to the place and around my age. So I looked at her and smiled. I said that there must be something wrong with the lift. She looked at me and extended her hand to introduce herself.

"Hi. I am Devika. I live on the 1st floor"

"Hi, my name is Tanya. I live on the 3rd", I said shaking her hand.

"I wish someone could close the lift door. I cant climb up two floors now".

Our apartment had its ground floor where the first floor should be and 1st floor where the 2nd floor should be, and so on and so forth. If you look at it that way, my apartment is on the fourth floor. Finally the lift came down after almost a few minutes of waiting, which felt like an eternity. I climbed into the lift and so did Devika.

She got off at the first floor. "Bye. Nice meeting you", she said with a smile. "Yeh, same here", I said, returning the smile. By the time I got to my apartment I forgot all about Devika and returned to feeling sorry for my aching body.

The next day again after work I bumped into Devika again.

"Hey. Hi", she said.

"Hi"

"We bumped into each other again. This is nice. Maybe we should be friends. How about coffee? Do you want to have a cup of hot coffee at my place?" she asked expectantly.

I was too tired anyway, so I accepted her offer and went up to her place for a cup of coffee. As soon as I stepped into her house I noticed her talking to a few photographs on the wall.

"Hi my love. How are you doing today. Mama's back home"

"Why are you talking to photographs?" I asked, rather solemnly.

"Well there is nobody else to talk to so I am talking to the pictures of my kids"

"You are married? You look so young to have two children", I said.

"Well, long story. I will tell you when I have the time. But let me make you some coffee", she said and hurried into the kitchen.

I sat down on one of the plastic chairs, which was a part of her plastic dinning table set. Her house was sparse, a few plastic chairs, an alter there, few curtains and a neatly kept kitchen.

"So what do you do?" she asked me from the kitchen.

"I work for an IT company. I am a Business Analyst", I said.

"Oh wow. I work in a school. I teach English to primary classes"

"Oh that's nice. I always wanted to be a teacher"

"Well it doesn't pay well but I manage" she said placing the cups of coffee on the plastic table.

"So why do you stay alone?" I asked, wondering whether I asked the right question or not. She stared at me for a moment, sat down on a chair opposite mine and said, "well...I am separated". Wow...I thought in my mind. How should I respond to this?

"May I ask what happened?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh long story. My husband and I didn't get along, he abused me. So I got out about couple of months back. I am only worried about my kids. I wish I could get them from him" she said.

I noticed that there wasn't much emotion in her voice or on her face. Maybe she is still in shock. My mind was working over time. She went on to explain how her husband abused her and how she was tortured by her in laws. I was shocked to hear the story myself. Immediately I began to sympathise with her.

"Don't worry. You will be alright. How old are you?"

"I am 31"

"Oh..well...you are still young. And who knows you may find someone suitable this time"

"Really? You think so?" she asked, almost as if the words coming out of my mouth are magical.

"I'm sure you will get your kids back as well" I said, not knowing what else to say. "Oh, I think I finally found a real friend in this new place" she beamed.

We exchanged phone numbers and then I left. I did not know how a stranger could affect me or my life. But what happened next was something even I would never have dreamed off.
Keep reading to know more...

Love Story

2010-10-25T08:27:00.009-04:00

This is a story of two lovers,

staying away, world's apart

Their love knows no boundaries,

their feelings fly to each other like a lark.

Fair maiden, she awaits her fate,

strains her ear to hear her lover's call

Her lover does arrive at her gate one day,

Alas! Yet there is a puzzle he has to solve.

Mountains he climbed,

Rivers he swam,

all this he did,

just to take the fair maiden's hand.

Yet the doors were bewitched,

theyheld a secret.

they asked him to drape them

in a fabric that has not been stitched.

The lover goes far,

the lover goes wide,

to search for this fabric,

with which he can get his bride.

Little did he know

that the fabric was gaurded

by a fire breathing dragon,

at the foot of a mountain?

He fought bravely,

he fought with his might,

he fought through the day,

and into the night.

At last the dragon was slayed

all the pain, he had braved.

The lover took the fabric at once,

and made his journey back to where the fair maiden lay.

The gates looked down upon him,

as he made his way to them.

They saw the fabric in his hand,

and disappeared to another land.

The castle door stood open,

here is where the fair maiden awaits,

her lover ran to her, with his arms wide open,

and in a loving embrace they stayed.

'O, darling I missed you so.

My heart is not mine anymore.

For your love I cried every night,

the pain, I fought with all my might'.

'I am here now, my love, my life, my soul.

I will always be here now, by your side.

Battles I waged just to look into your eyes,

now I will never let you go by'.

Promises were made,

and promises where kept.

A new journey begins,

but this is where my story ends.

2010-10-05T06:22:00.002-04:00

I am hurt

I have been ripped apart

But why should I be sad

why should I feel for someone

who didnt bother about me?

I have tried to stay calm,

I am tried to wade through the storm

My heart aches once again

for something that cannot be mine.

I have lost in this game before

I have hurt like this before

Should I get used to it?

Or is love just testing me?

Havent I given it my all?

havent I promised to catch you if you fall?

Then why should I be the one to suffer the loss

When all I did was let you be the boss?

Yet my heart aches

wants to re-live those days

when we were so in love

when nothing mattered but us.

The laughter we shared

the scerets too

Holding hands

under the twilight sun.

I am hurt now

and so are you

My heart aches

But there is nothing I can do.

Time

2010-10-05T02:54:00.005-04:00

Time is not a valuable thing, it is what destroys life as we know it. We think time is slipping away, we are always in a hurry. But what we don't realize is there is nothing like TIME. Just moments in our life that makes it worthwhile. Think about it, think about the first time when you fell in love. Did you note the time? The hour maybe? No. But you remember the moment in Time. Not the day, the hour or the minute. But the moment when your hear beat faster, when your lips quivered with the excitement of the first kiss.

Time makes us believe we are getting older and that in due 'time' we are going to die. We are not going to die! That is nonsense. Death is not certain. We believe in it so much that it becomes certain. We can choose to live. We can choose to remain young forever. I believe that when we stop believing in how old we are or how many years have gone by or how much time is lost, we can actually live forever.

You may think I am a fool to say things like this. But if you really listen to these words, deep inside your soul a voice will tell you that it is true. Man created time because of the sun and the moon, the day and the night. Man created calenders so that people will remember certain moments in time. But if we believe that along with these calenders we age too, then we would be old men and women in no time. When our ancestors could live for more than 500 years, why cant we? Why have we forced our minds to believe that we can only live to a maximum of 80 or 90? Its a mass programming technique that the society uses to make sure certain rules are followed.

What rules? Why should we have rules? If we were born carefree and were taught only about Love and not Time then we would not have had so much of anger and hate all around us. We would have had a Garden of Eden right here on Earth. Its not impossible. Nothing is. It is as possible as the human ability to fly or as possible as the ability for Bees to fly.

Imagine a Bee. It has wings which are 1/3rd of its body size, making it physically impossible for it to fly. But someone forgot to tell the bee that. And you see it buzzing around happily gathering honey from pretty plants.

Time is something that is Eternal. There is no past or future there is only an Eternal Now. What we thought was our future once is now maybe our past. And the past was once the future. Hence there is no past or future, but what is happening right now. The 'now' is Eternal.

So my advice to you is - Forget that time exists. Only remember that what exists is you, your happiness and how you want to spend the moments in your life. Don't regret anything you do. Because what ever you did was your conscious decision. Enjoy life, live it. Dont let time restrict you. Live in the Eternal Now.

Look into my eyes

2010-10-01T09:14:00.002-04:00

Look into my eyes, will I live to be a 100, 300

or will I just let the years go by?

Look into my eyes and you'll see the wisdom of

all those years gone by.

The sparkle and shine,

will they fade or will they remain by my side?

Life is cruel, yet it leaves on my lips a smile.

Will I continue to live or should I just die?

No, death is not what is certain, but is life?

Yes, comes the answer from deep within my eyes.

My soul knows a secret, yet my eyes cannot decide.

I want to live forever, but I see life pass me by.

I hold on to Time, like an insect on grime,

yet knowing I will live till I am 1005.

Look into my eyes, they will tell you no lies.

Is it possible? you may wonder, do I have the strength to survive?

Truth is I will, and why wont I?

Look into my eyes, to see the eons that have gone by.

The hate and suffering too will one day surely die.

Will I survive for ever?

Yes, my soul will go on, and my body too.

Look into my eyes, they will tell you no lies.

Goodbye

2010-10-01T08:44:00.004-04:00

I am walking away,

but these streets ask me to stay.

The smell of the air, the tender love and care,

experiences I have had here are so rare.

I fell in love here, my heart swayed with joy,

But I have to go now. my heart was destroyed.

I see faded memories watch me walk by,

truthful moments and many lies.

The road knows me, the trees have seen me laugh,

the air pleads me to stay, my life is a downward graph.

I have to leave to pick up the bits of my life,

I may not live this life twice.

As the city fades like a distant memory,

I suddenly feel very happy.

I want to start over again,

I just need to know where to begin.

I am happy, I am scared too.

This is a new life I have to woo.

Let me do my best, let me go,

above this city and its bright lights, I have to soar!

I am leaving behind all the pain and hurt,

only taking with me the love I've got.

I say goodbye now to these streets I have tread,

to a good life they have led.

Am I dead?

2010-09-23T06:37:00.007-04:00

Lazy thoughts in my head,

make me wonder if I am dead.

Cookies, chocolates and ice creams too

this is not want I want from you.

Free wild and absolutely high

Hands out, I run towards the open sky.

Yellow flowers sway and dance

I laugh at the owl's stance.

Blue, green, yellow and pink,

in all these colors my feet sink.

Cool waters tickle my feet,

when I try and move them to an African beat.

The sun has started to melt,

in the dark green grass I knelt.

My body heavy, my mind still active

fireflies hold my heart captive.

Cool breeze dries my sweat

as I lay their in Nature's debt.

I realize that the breeze is not the gentle wind,

but the fan in my room that is on full spin.

I feel lost and helpless in my bed,

what if it was true, all of what I just said.

Lazy thoughts like these in my head,

make me wonder if I am dead.

A Year Older

2010-07-30T04:33:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday to me

I dont know what I will be,

I am a year older now,

oh boy, and how!

I made a wish on my birthday,

But that was so yesterday.

If wishes came true,

I would have wished not one but two.

Will I find true love,

or will I take a nun's vow?

I hope to reach great heights,

but it will take great might.

I am a year older now,

and I wonder how?

Is there something to look forward too?

Is there something interesting to do?

Happy Birthday to me,

I wish the future I could see.

Let Go

2010-07-27T07:00:00.004-04:00

You try and try, but it sticks like glue. Sometimes we wonder why we cannot let go of things, situations or people, who do not make us happy. The more we avoid them, the more it seems to bother us. Why does this happen?

We go through life hearing, seeing and feeling many emotions. They subconsciously effect the way we think. We don't realize this, but our brain is like a super computer. It picks up and stores information in the back of our mind. It could be something we heard. It could be something we felt very briefly when someone shouts at us. But it none the less gets stored. We harbour these subconscious memories and react to them in moments that catch us unaware.

Many of us have at some point felt pain. Immense pain, that could bring negative thoughts into our minds. Like, 'I am not good enough', 'I am not beautiful', 'I am not capable', etc. You may say that you don't think that way. But in a situation you were badly hurt, a negative thought like the ones mentioned above or even worse thoughts could get deeply implanted in your sub conscience. Your waking conscience is not aware of this. But every time you feel sad or hurt, this implanted thought comes to the forefront and makes you feel even more miserable about yourself. The result? Self hatred or projected animosity to others around you.

When we avoid a painful situation and try not to think about it, the feelings felt which were embedded in our sub conscience, make us feel irritable and negative about things that are yet to happen. What happened in your past, could and will effect your present and your future. But the lesser known fact is, how you look at your present and future can also change your past. Confused? Let me explain.

Lets take a very common example. A girl falls deeply in love with a boy. They make promises of sharing their lives together, they have dreams and they make plans. Suddenly the girl finds out that the boy is cheating on her or he is lying to her or is a bad person. The immediate outcome is a big fight and a painful breakup. The emotional torment the girl goes through, makes her form opinions about people, or situations in life. After sometime, the girl can have trust issues with the opposite sex. She may become unhappy thinking that whom ever she will be with next may also hurt her. Or even worse, she may stop believing in love!

Her present and future are effected by what happened in her past. But if she could just calmly analyze her past and see what went wrong, she would not only understand why the boy hurt her, but she could also learn valuable lessons about herself. Past events if calmly analyzed and understood only makes one stronger and wiser. But never weak or venerable. So by letting go of anger, hurt, vengeance, etc, we are not only becoming better people, we can have our happiness back and a better future too!

Our happiness, our lives, are in the decisions we make. If we choose to stay positive, no matter how adverse the situation might be, we will definitely be happy. Letting go is tough. It takes time and patience. But its not impossible. Harbouring negative emotions not only effects our mental health but also our physical well being. Headaches are a common manifestation of an emotionally driven physical ailment. Diseases like cancer are also caused by negative emotional state of our minds.

Think about - We could just relax and analyze our problems and let go of our unnecessary emotional baggage, or spend all our life savings on hospitals and medical checkups. Love yourself. Know that at the end of the day, we are answerable only to ourselves. We should be at the top in our list of priorities in our life. Nobody is as important as you are to yourself. So just let go and see the magic unfold!

Attention

2010-06-22T07:39:00.009-04:00

We may not know till the truth comes out, how a soul suffers through all the wonderful things it could have but refuses, because it thinks that it doesn't deserve it. I am going to tell you an unusual story, but not so unusual situation. A story about a beautiful boy.

He was born as the fourth child. He had pretty brown eyes, that twinkled when he smiled. But life was not so kind to him. He was just a month old when he heard his father yell at his mother, "I never wanted him. I asked you to get get rid of him when you had the chance". To which the little boys mother replied with a loud cry of agony as she was kicked on the stomach. The baby boy started to cry. Loud unbearable screams, as fear gripped his little heart. His mother did not take him in her arms. neither did his father come. He lay in his crib and cried the whole night.

This boy was called, Jack. He grew up with the same innocent features he was born with. And the fights continued. The arguments never stopped. One day when little Jack came home from school he saw his father with another strange woman. His mother was crying uncontrollably in the living room. His father took the lady into his bedroom. As soon he saw Jack, he started kissing this other woman, and touching her everywhere. Jack was confused. He didn't know what to do. His mother started to scream at his father.

But before Jack knew what was happening, a flower vase was hurled through the bedroom, where his father was in the middle of stripping his clothes off. The flower vase unfortunately hit Jack on the side of his face, bruising it badly. Jack was so frightened ran from the room, straight to the attic and huddle up in the corner. Tears were streaming down his face, but Jack was too shaken up to realize he was hurt.

Jack never had birthday parties, no friends he could call home, nor could he make a sound when he came home. But it was his birthday, he remembered, as he sat huddled in the dark attic. He just turned 7. His life was a mess. His parents didn't want him. He had no where else to go. His siblings where much older than he was. And there was no one who could help him.

After a while, with the bruise still throbbing, he slowly headed down the attic. He could still hear his father screaming. His mother wailing. As he came into view, his father looked at him venomously and said that he was a mistake. He never wanted him. He stormed out of the house that night. Jack never saw his father again.

The smell of coffee brought Jack back to reality. He was sitting in a road side cafe drinking a double latte. It was his 29th birthday. He had a job as an assistant manager in a pharmaceutical company. He was in charge of the shipments of drugs. He was smart. Life had thought him many things. He was a tall, rugged man now with chiseled features. The only thing that did not change were his baby brown eyes. They still looked as innocent as they did when he was born. His cell phone rang disturbing his thoughts. His mother was on the phone.

"Where are you, son?"

"I'll be home soon ma, do you want me to get something for you?"

"No. I think the neighbours don't like us. They look at me like I live in a zoo" Jack's mom fell apart ever since Jack's father left. They never got along. And that night Jack realised that staying under the same roof with his mother was too much for his father to take. After his father left, Jack and his mom moved into a smaller place. Jack was very attached to his mother. He wanted to look after her. But he knew he could not have a normal life. Anger dwelled in him since he was a little boy. He had to have everything his way.

"I'll be right over ma. Just watch some TV or something'" Jack heard the phone click on the other side. He put his phone back in his pocket and asked for the cheque.

He hurried out into the rainy street. As he was waiting for a taxi to come by, he looked across the street and saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. It wasn't hard for Jack to have any woman he wanted. He was a smooth talker and a well dresser. He never attached feelings to his one night stands. And when he saw this gorgeous woman, he knew he had to have her. After all, it was his birthday!

He crossed the street with ease and purposely bumped into her. She looked up at him annoyed.

"Hey, watch where you're going"

"Sorry, I didn't mean too". Their eyes locked, and Jack gave his most innocent smile. The woman smiled back. Jack stood next to her.

"You look like someone I am going to be with for a very long time"

"Excuse me?" The woman was used to people flirting with her all the time, but this was a brand new line.

"Do you like Coffee or Tea? You've gotta choose one, so that I can tell you where you've been" Jack said confidently.

"How?"

"Coffee or Tea?"

"Coffee" She said looking at him coyly.

"Lets go some place where we can have the best Coffee, and then I will tell you"

"What? No..."

"Don't worry, I don't bite" Jack looked so innocent that she said OK. This coffee escapade led both Mary and Jack, to fall in love with each other. Jack never really told Mary what happened in his childhood. But every time Mary had to go away on work, he would tell her that his father was a bad person and that he had many wives. This worried Mary. Jack even told her that he was a drug trafficker once. He said that he was so angry at his father for hurting his mother that he would kill him one day. Mary didn't know how to react to it all. She was brought up in a lovable family. The only fights they had were when they had to decide where to go on a vacation.

Jack told Mary stories about how his father was so ruthless that he did not bother to find out if his mother was still alive after he had left. But what worried Mary the most was that he kept telling her that he was going to kill his father.

One day, the news of Jack's father's death reached Mary. She rushed to see Jack. He was sitting at home with all the lights turned out. His shadow was the only thing Mary could see till her eyes adjusted to the dark.

"Jack, are you alright?" There was no reply.

Mary looked around the room for the light switch. As soon as she turned it on she was horrified to see blood on Jack's hands.

"Oh Jack, what did you do? What is all this blood? Jack, tell me. What happened?"

There was still no reply.

"Its OK Jack, we'll handle this. We'll take care of it. Lets just get this blood washed of first, alright?" Mary said reaching for Jack's hand.

Jack suddenly grabbed Mary's wrist. He looked up her, with a madness in his eyes.

"You think I am stupid? You think I will not know?"

"Jack what are you talking about?"

"Don't try and hide it now" Jack said screaming. Mary was taken aback.

"Jack, I know you are upset. I know you are hurt. But you've gotta relax. Where is your mom?"

"She lied to me too. She supported you. I had to do it" Jack said clenching his hold on Mary's wrist.

"What are you talking about? Where is she?" Jack looked at Mary. And with one swift move he was up on his feet, twisting Mary around and strangling her with his arm.

"Come. I'll show you where she is" Jack said leading Mary to the kitchen.

"Jack, you are hurting me. Let me go" Mary was almost choking.

"Come out, come out where ever you are" Jack said like he was playing Hide and Seek.

"Jack what are you doing....aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh" Mary screamed when she saw her. Jack's mother lay on the dining table. She was bleeding from her neck and wrists.

"Ah...there she is. Look ma, even Mary knows now. She came looking to see if you were OK" Jack said.

"Jack what did you do to her?" Mary said almost weeping.

"Shut up you bitch! I had to do this because of you. If you hadn't done what you did, and if Ma here, didn't support you, then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't hurt my Ma..." Jack said looking at the almost lifeless body on the dining table.

"You think I don't know. I know cause I saw. I saw you and my father. You were smiling and talking to him like he was your lover. I saw. I saw you two getting into my father's fancy car. He took you home, didn't he? You made love to him, didn't you? Now its time you go to where he is now. It was difficult killing him and all. But there is nothing I cant do, I am the Best anyone could ever be" Jack said.

Mary was stunned. She looked around to see if she could get out. With the adrenaline kicking in, she elbowed Jack with all her might. As Jack doubled over and weakened his hold, Mary tried to run out of the kitchen. She was not quick enough though. Jack caught her by her hair, and the impact led Mary to crash into the kitchen wall. Both of them fell to the ground. Mary was screaming and was trying to crawl away from Jack. But Jack was strong. He caught Mary by her leg and pulled her to him. Mary used her free leg to kick Jack on his face. As Jack recoiled, Mary stumbled up and ran into the hall.

Jack was quick to recover. He ran after her and hit her with a candle stand he picked up on his way. Mary reeled from the blow and fell to the floor. Jack was standing above her now, holding his bleeding face. As Mary tried to collect some strenght, both of them heard the sirens of police cars. Jack ran to the window to look outside.

Mary gathered her strenght and picked up the candle stand Jack hit her with.

"Hey, Jack, I didn't sleep with your father" she said. Just as Jack turned around, Mary struck him as hard as she could. The candle stand hit Jack's temple and he fell unconscious to the floor.

Mary ran out onto the street where the police cars where already parking. An officer ran to her and asked her if she was alright.

"He is in the house. I hit him with a candle stand" Mary said, trying to swallow the blood in her mouth. The officer rushed into the house with a gun in hand. I came to know that the person who called them was Jack's mom. But she collapsed before she could tell them to hurry.

Soon an ambulance turned up. As Mary was helped into the ambulance, a gun shot rang in the air. The echo of the gun shot told her it was all over.

Tears welled in Mary's eyes. She knew he was dead.

If only she hadn't gone to meet his father, to try and convince him to come back to his family. If only she hadn't bothered to know that many years ago the doctors diagnosed Jack as delusional, all of this wouldn't have happened. If only she didnt bother to answer Jack's question on the street one rainy afternoon, Jack would still be alive.

Life Through A Window

2010-06-07T05:40:00.007-04:00

Lost in thoughts of how my day went, I sat in the back seat of the car, in the cool AC, looking out at the busy streets of Mumbai. My head was filled with random thoughts. Each fighting with the other to become the 'Thought of the Moment'. I passed many houses. Some small, with little paint or decoration. Others large, with huge gates as if to protect them from large predators. The humid weather of Mumbai mixed with the thick fragrant smell of the car perfume, numbed my mind.

I passed many tall apartment buildings. Most of them look so old that they remind me of ghosts lurking around in broad day light. As I looked at these almost dilapidated buildings, I noticed the small windows that were etched into the sides of these buildings. The traffic picked up and our car stopped in front of one such building. Since I had nothing better to do, and since the thoughts in my head were picking up pace, I decided not to listen to them. Instead I looked aimlessly into the windows.

As I glanced into the apartment window, I saw a small dinning table made of iron and covered with a plastic cover. The fancy type ones that you get from the footpaths of Mumbai, probably after bargaining to more than half its rate. I smiled at the thought of endlessly bargaining for a plastic sheet. As I looked, a blue color fridge with rusting sides caught my attention. It reminded me of my childhood. The first fridge we bought for the house was also blue. I smiled at the image in my head, and the excitement I felt when I first saw the refrigerator. The smell of plastic when you opened the fridge door was something on cannot forget.

Suddenly a small girl of ten appeared, wearing a printed frock. Her hair was tied up in two plaits with the help of her school ribbons. She looked neat. Oiled hair. Clean face. I assumed she was of a middle class family. Her mother came from behind her and shook her up. I knew it was her mother, because of the striking resemblance of their features. But why was she shaking up that poor girl? In the next instant I saw her mother slap her across her face. The little one was shaking and crying. For a moment I sat upright in my seat. What was going on? Why was she hitting her?

A man came out from a room next to the fridge. He was a huge, burly man. He wore a dark blue colored checkered lungi, and a white banyan. He didnt look nice to me. He looked like someone who would do bad things. I saw him lift the girl on to the dinning table and hold her by her shoulders. He was telling her something. But I could not hear a word. The din to of the traffic was too much. He looked and the women and said something to her. She disappeared into another room, and came back holding a knife in her hand. I was shocked! Just as the man took the knife from that lady's hand, the traffic started to move.

I panicked. I didnt know what was going to happen to the poor girl. Immediately I removed my cell phone from my pocket, and instructed the driver to stop the car. I called the Mumbai police station and reported what I saw. The police on the phone was not at all interested. He wanted to know why I was bothered. This angered me and I asked him to connect me to the commissioner. Beep beep beep was the sound I heard next. He hung up on me.

I remembered a friend of mine who invited the Mumbai commissioner as a cheif guest to one of his charity events. I called him up and asked him for the number. When he heard the anxiousness in my voice, he gave me the number without too many questions. I got off the car, and went searching for the window. I didnt know what was going to happen.

As my call connected to the commissioner, I looked to see if the little girl was OK. I saw that she was still sitting on the dinning table, and the man was holding the knife close to her face. The woman was no where to be seen. Just then the commissioner picked up and I told him what I was seeing. He immediately issued orders for the cops to take care of this situation. He asked me to go back home and that I would be intimated in case they came to know something.

I was shaking as I got into the car and drove back home. What will happen to that girl? Where is her mother? Home was a nice thing to come back too. But what I saw, made me feel if all homes where a good thing to come back too?

As I tried to relax and not think of what had just happened, my cell phone rang. It was the commissioner. He had quiet a story to tell. The burly man was a human trafficker. He wanted to make use to this girl. He had told her mother, who was not his wife, that the little girl would make a lot of money for her. She was greedy enough to agree to his plans. The little girl refused to go away with this man. So her mother tried making her understand and shook her up. When she still refused, her mother slapped her across her face. Then this man came out and was trying to explain to her the benefits of making money. When she still didn't agree, he asked her mother to get him a knife.

She was told he was going to use the knife just to scare her. But when she brought the knife, he took it from her and place the sharp blade on the child's throat. Her mother was worried. She tried to stop him. He knifed her in her stomach. The little girl was screaming and he put the knife back at her throat. When I called the commissioner he readily informed the police squad of that area. The cops reached just in time to save the poor girl's life. The man was caught and handcuffed. Her mother, though badly stabbed, was rushed to a hospital where she was undergoing treatment. The girl told the commissioner what had happened.

The commissioner said that he was looking for this guy for a very long time and that I had helped him capture a most wanted criminal. I was still shaking from what I saw. I asked him if I could meet the little girl once. He asked me to come over to his office in the evening.

I went to see the girl in the commissioners office. I saw her sitting on a wooden bench still in the same frock I had first seen her in. Her hair was a mess, probably from the struggle. She looked up at me and I stopped in my tracks. She looked into my eyes. As if she was saying thank you. I looked into her eyes, and I saw myself staring back at me. It was my childhood and not hers. It was me not her. It was my mother, and not hers. I chose to live a better life.

A loud horn sound suddenly woke me up from my dream. The strong smell of car perfume once again filled my nostrils. I sat up straight and looked out of the window of my car. I was speeding away on a flyover over looking the ocean.

Enchanted

2010-06-01T05:33:00.002-04:00

Enchanted Forest

Swirling black dress

Shimmering skies

Soft white light

Moon gleems in glee

The brown eyed maiden

Knotted hair flowing

Like a river cascading

Twirling like a disc

Sweet fragrant air

Caressing her face

Deep Crimson, wild

Flowers etched in the dark

Soft feet, soft step

Whispers heard in the void

Shinning stars on the satin black

of the dress. Images come,

Images fade. Eyes closed

I become that girl

Wild, free and on her own.

Door

2010-04-08T06:20:00.004-04:00

Imagine a life, when you have to share your room with your sister or brother or even your mother. And then finally when we get a chance we take a deep breath and feel, finally we are on our own. What a feeling that is!

I too felt that if I lived on my own I would feel like as if I am on top of the world. Yes! I am. Probably not on top of the world, but the last floor of my apartment building. I moved into my new flat with two roommates sometime in Nov. The winter was just starting in Hyderabad. Everything looked good. Ours is a duplex flat, and my room is the one on top.

There is a spiral staircase that leads up to my spacious room. As soon as you climb up, there is a huge French window (the one that is like a door from the bottom to the top) on the right. This led to a terrace with a nice view of the City. It was all nice. But the worst part was that, my room doesnt have a door!!

But I compromised and thought that with a lovely terrace and a spacious room what else could one need. My flatmates promised that they wouldnt come up without my permission, and that sounded like a fair deal. So I compromised and took up the room without a door.

Advantages -

I can just rush out without locking the door
Doesn't feel claustrophobic
I can only think of these two

Disadvantages -

Anyone can walk into your room
Esp when you are not ready
If you think you can pull a 'commando' without anyone seeing, you are gravely mistaken
If you want to drive someone out or maybe slam the door in anger - well wadya know - NO DOOR!
The feeling of not having a door makes you feel incomplete, like a house without a roof
This feeling intensifies, when I would have watched a horror/thriller flick on TV
Birds somehow love the door less room (I had to once try and catch a pigeon with my roommate and make it fly out of my room)
When you want you rommies to know you want to be felt alone, again there is no door!

So you see, my door less life has no ending. Hence I have decided, I am going to shift into another place. And the first thing I am gonna check is if the doors are intact! Now as the temperature rises I have realised what a mistake I have made. Because even if I do get a cooler, the space to cool is not limited or cut off by a door. That would mean more electricity and less cooling.

I am on a serious lookout now for a room with a door, and hopefully by end of this month I will find one.

Change

2010-04-07T13:10:00.004-04:00

I have had a lot of people look at my blog and tell me that its very depressing. Some others have told me that I write about things that happen in everyone's life but many cant express. But nonetheless they too think life is worth bitching about. So I have decided that if life is anyway a bitch, why give it more pleasure by letting ourselves feel its victory over us.

There are so many things in life that give us happiness, but I have realized that we are still stuck on things that don't give us pleasure. Its like this perfect boy, who is very well behaved and who listens to his parents. But suddenly out of a fist of anger he does something horrible. One bad thing erases all the good you have ever done. And this good boy becomes bad.

In life too, we may have so many good things that happen to us, like our first friend in an alien city, or the smell of rain, or the hug you got from someone you have a crush on. But we forget all this and focus all our energies on the bad that happens. Why do we do this?

We do this because we need to vent out our feelings, our frustrations, our anger and sometimes even our loneliness. Then why blame life and call it a bitch? Life is not all that bad. Yes, sometimes we don't know why we react to a situation in a certain way. But in the end we blame it on the people around us or best yet, on life!

Agreed that life through some unexpected curve balls at us, but that doesn't mean we don't equip ourselves to bat. We need to know, even understand, that tough times are the only ones that make us realise the joy of happy moments. For example, when we are separated from the one we love, and when we meet them again, it feels so nice. But if we were always with our loved ones, then we may not probably realize their worth.

There are some cases which are reversed. Sometimes when we feel suffocated with people around, being on our own gives us immense pleasure. But we wouldn't have realized it until we were placed in uncomfortable situations.

What I am trying to say is that, life maybe good or bad. But it could be fantastic if we found all the small things that make us happy. So from today, I am hoping to write more positive posts and probably share with you how life could change if we stayed positive and happy.

Blessed Be.