Xoli's Purple Pimptastrophe!

Merrie Olde England

2006-11-12T22:44:00.000+02:00

Why didn't I wear my long-sleeves!? What the hell am I doing here!? It's cold. It's expensive. And, I'm dressed inappropriately. It's a bit early to be forming stereotypes, but so far people here seem extremely quiet and subdued, especially when coming from the constant social hubbub that occurs whenever you gather a group of people in Africa. I don't fit in either. As further evidence I'm

Go see "Tsotsi"!

2006-02-08T18:43:00.000+02:00

I finally saw Tsotsi last night. Tsotsi is the latest South African contribution to the Academy Awards, other recent ones being Yesterday and Charlize Theron. The title "Tsotsi" is Safrican slang for a gangster. It was one of the first slang words I learned when I got to South Africa when a guy got shot in the neck in a shebeen a block away from my house in the village. Here's an example of

The Perils of Purple Hair

2005-12-28T11:50:00.000+02:00

This is the heartwarming story of a boy (or a very immature man) and his hair. I went to a hairstylist yesterday in Jo'burg. I wanted blue hair. This is what I got... For some reason, it's bluer in the photos than in real life. The hairstylist insisted that it was royal blue. I insisted that he was color blind, that my hair was the color of my car, my blog, and that I looked like the

Bru, my life is like so hectic, hey?

2005-12-27T12:25:00.000+02:00

Ahhh, the joys of chaos... I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but since it’s okay to plagiarise myself I’ll say it again here: It’s hard to live and write at the same time. So yes, it’s been a while since I last updated this blog. It’s not because I want to put it into retirement, or for lack of things to write about. In fact, it’s because there’s too much going on for me to take a

Looking for Hungary

2005-11-11T19:29:00.000+02:00

I'm nearing the end of my stay here in Hungary and feel I have something very important to say: Europeans can not dance. I know this because they think I dance really well. I know that because the women at the clubs and music pubs keep saying, "Dance with me!" and then put my hand on their waists so I can feel exactly how rhythmless they are as they shake the little they have and bounce up and

Üdv Magyarorszagrol (or, Hi from Hungary)

2005-10-30T18:48:00.000+02:00

Communist DoorbellsI've found myself in Vác, Hungary. Marton tells me it's populated by working-class communist alcoholics. It's very quaint - old buildings, old drunk men, and backwards toilets shaped in such a way that before you flush you're forced to see what you've most recently digested. Actually, it reminds me a lot of South Africa. Everybody gets really drunk - the pubs open at 6:30

This post is gonna suck...

2005-10-17T17:38:00.000+02:00

I really can't remember what has happened that far back but... Friday (October 7th) - Dinner party at Paul's. Then go to Colour Bar. Snog with Brooke. Nothing serious, but weird since it's my first time to make out with a white girl since 1998 and first American girl since 2001. Saturday - Wake at 7AM to transport Tumoale to exam in Pretoria, but I have to drop Brooke off. Tumaole smirks at

Love in the Time of Meningitis

2005-10-03T22:26:00.000+02:00

Hi. It's been a while. My life has been a hectic soufflé with a sprinkle of schizophrenia garnish for presentation. It's a bit hard to live and write at the same time... For beginners, I went to go visit Tumoale and Itumeleng last week Tuesday night. As I entered their flat it was unordinarily quiet, and Itumeleng stood in the modest kitchen preparing dinner. "Tumaole's still at work?" I

Karma comes 'round

2005-09-19T22:01:00.000+02:00

It's Saturday afternoon after a late Friday night. We're already behind schedule coming from Pretoria. I am rushing Tumaole home to Sandton so he can wash up and emcee a beauty pageant. A series of violent deaths have marred the recent past of Eden Park, a coloured township near Johannesburg. One of Tumaole's friends, Colonel, worked with a couple local churches and organized the teen pageant

Pimp My Blog

2005-09-16T15:10:00.000+02:00

Me scowling and eating Ethiopian food Kigali, RwandaBOOYAH! Check out the blue border and caption around the photo on the right!! Nice, ne? Warning: Geeky stuff follows... I spent a good part of the past week trying to figure out how to pimp the photos on my blog. In fact, I spent all of last Friday after work inhaling the CSS specification but still couldn't figure it all out and it was

Follow the day and reach for the sun

2005-09-09T19:20:00.000+02:00

I made the mistake of looking at Lavinia's blog. I knew better, but the damn thing is RIGHT THERE, just a click away. The girl is already flirting or hooking up with a new guy and we just broke up last Tuesday. For some reason, that really hurt and disappointed me. Now I'll admit this is partially due to ordinary jealousy, but damn. This is stupid, I know. I break up with her, and now I'm

The Unbearable Obscenity of Telkom

2005-09-06T21:17:00.000+02:00

You guys rock! I want to thank everyone for coming through and reading all this stuff from the Henryverse and leaving awesome comments! Everyone except Adam, that is. Instead of writing about that time Nipun urinated on me, I'm thinking I should write about that time Adam drank an entire bottle of vodka at South Padre Island when we were 17. We left him in the hotel room and when we returned we

Factum est

2005-08-31T18:43:00.000+02:00

It's done... I'm not sure what's been done. But I did it. I broke up with Lavinia last night. I'm not even sure entirely why, because I think I love her. This will take some explanation. First, I really don't even have anything bad to say about her. Lavinia is intelligent, pretty, and destined for success. The perfect girl, right? After meeting her, one of Shoni's friends told me "If you

A Typical Blog Entry

2005-08-22T07:14:00.000+02:00

This weekend I taught Lavinia how to drive her new car, which meant several times of "Don't stop in the middle of the intersection! You're in 4th gear. You have to put it in 1st! Oh my god, there's a bus coming! Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil..." The weekend started calmly enough with me driving to Pretoria and picking up Lavinia at her dormitory. We

Deux Yankees en Afrique Centrale - Part 1

2005-08-19T19:10:00.000+02:00

Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 My name is Henry. This is my travelogue. Sorry, I have a feeling this is going to be a bit long. Yes, I know. I never return email and then you get this big stinker in your inbox. And it’s bulk email at that. Since most of you have jobs, classes, or lives to attend to, I’ll give you the condensed version first: Basically, I’ve been spending the past two-and-a-half weeks

Me and Phuza-Face

2005-08-12T18:08:00.000+02:00

As a bit of introduction, phuza (pronounced poo-zah) is the Zulu verb meaning "drink". So if you happened to go to a Zulu frat party and Zulu's happened to have frats, you would probably hear a group of guys chanting "Phuza! Phuza! Phuza!" around a guy doing a keg-stand. Now, when combined with the word "face" into to make "phuza-face", it becomes derogatory slang describing the face of a

The pimptastic rules of engagement

2005-08-12T10:36:00.000+02:00

ACK! Ok, you people don't seem to understand what the point of this blog is... This blog is about how cool I am. Got it!? So any comments about me farting on people, what a pansy I am, or what a crappy son I am are completely inappropriate and contrary to the entire blog-motif here. Remember - Henry is cool. Henry is awesome. I will post a comment reaffirming these truths. (Repeat ad

Absolute human truths

2005-08-11T17:06:00.000+02:00

So about six months into Peace Corps I mailed this out. I had been placed in my permanent site where I'd be for two years, a township called Silobela in the middle of nowhere in the province of Mpumalanga. I had a new name, Xolani, and a new family. I was working with four elementary schools still coping with the repercussions of Bantu education from South Africa's Apartheid past... Date: Sun,

Ngisaphila!!

2005-08-08T13:15:00.000+02:00

I sometimes feel like I'm on the Peace Corps assignment that would never end, so I felt it would be appropriate to post the first mass email I sent as a Peace Corps Volunteer in South Africa... Date: Tue, 11 Jul 2000 Sanibonani! (Hi, y’all!) I am in Grobersdaal right now and have ten minutes to write, so this is gonna be short. I just found this internet cafe and wanted to send a quick message

You never really can be honest, can you?

2005-08-05T12:55:00.000+02:00

Maybe I’ve got this all wrong, but blogs tend to be endless ramblings of everyday lives, right? Sure enough, there are plenty of blogs centered around specific topics, but generally a blog is just about the owner of the blog, about their stupid cat and whatever they think makes their lives interesting.But, let’s just say I came into work yesterday morning reeeealy hung-over (or babalas’ed as they

You people actually read this crap!?

2005-08-02T09:38:00.000+02:00

Wow, I was actually quite stunned to see I had comments. So, uh, thanks Roya and Douros, for stopping by! For the regular readers of my blog, you will now see that I have redecorated my site. So come one, come all, and bask in the tacky purple awesomeness! I'm thinking of calling the scheme "Evil Purple" or "Tacky American". If someone has a better name, I'm all ears. (Or

Back by popular demand

2005-07-13T11:37:00.000+02:00

Awesome! My crap blog already has had two readers! Imagine if I actually wrote about my fascinating life. I'd have millions of readers! I could be a cultural point of reference. Leaders and decision makers would ply me for advice. Maybe just to start, I should write about that time I rescued a bunch of HIV-positive retarded babies from a burning overturned schoolbus that was about to be hit by a

My very first blog

2005-06-27T14:52:00.000+02:00

Hi everybody. This is my first time to ever try this blogging crap. I'd just like to take a moment to say... Lavinia, wa bora! Love, Henry