Xon Up or Down

Speaker Volume

2010-07-08T04:04:00.000-07:00

More of a symbol than symbolic
trying to best it would make you a relic.

There's an elephant in the room
and I'm it.
Big nose and obvious
but he's gray and I'm black
the gray may be a reflection
of the rain that has passed over me
I'll wear it like a battle scar,
till its no longer fashion to me.
I wear emotions on my sleeves
My outfits make statements,
more like press releases,
I dress for questions,
this rhetoric turns thread into thesis
booted up like i was born in this outfit
like i was born feeling this way
i sported it so long
im where's waldo everywhere
red and white stripes
this feeling of winning at barely
is killing me while steadily saving me
im producing blood at the rate im loosing
can you picture it
the outfit
the emotion
composed of regret and success
at a rate the cancels each other out
red and white stripes
waldo blended in
because both success and regret
filled the page
but im alone in this book
and the elephant doesn't mind the attention
just wishes it was more impressive
as if the volume never capped
you just turned it up
and until you went deaf
then maybe the attention
would be matched by the performance
(to be cont'd... maybe)

Back From The Future: A Sermon

2010-07-06T03:11:00.000-07:00

Back From The Future: A Sermon from Xon Up on Vimeo.

This sermon was only the 2nd I had done in my return to my home church, Family Of Faith Church, in Wagoner, Oklahoma. The concept behind this message was to inform the Body of Christ, that we're to not only look towards God's promises, but we're to act upon them also. Taking the steps to fulfilling the vision we have from God

New type of post

2010-07-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

For anyone who has read the About Me section of this blog or follows me on Twitter at twitter@troyflewellenjr, knows that I'm a preacher, poet, and philosopher. I have posted poetry, and now am looking into posting my sermons. My philosophy will follow. I am a member at Family Of Faith Church in Wagoner, OK. I've been a ministering there since its conception almost 2 years ago.

Nostradamus Fell In

2010-07-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

death is a matter of catastrophic moments
but this moment in time is brought to you by now
this tense being more cognitive than faith-base
I'm in this present with you

-and im waiting for us to unravel
which for most, it implies explosion
for us, its the moment we respond
to what we've seen beyond each others veil

no prophet needed, we are seeing into the "now"
that has laid naked under covers
it holds the breath you took when i saw you
it can keep it, your energy has become my respirator

life support has been replaced by the love of it
i hope this present vision,
is what youve come to this island for, with me
our now is beautiful and in no way ending
unless we over anticipate the future

Recant(ation)

2010-06-26T02:12:00.000-07:00

I apologize for thinking of leaving
the voice in my ear
had me under the influence
that my now would cure my occurring forever

Faithfulless ( A poetic memo)

2010-06-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

she stays in my ear
when she doesnt stay near
and the distance is growing
and the volume is getting louder
im devoted
my passion and love are religious
and have been practioners of your doctrine
since our communion
studied your apocalypse stories
with fervent attention
but it appears
our end is coming- our end is near
our end is coming- our end is near
love aint supposed to feel like this
or maybe it is when its been improperly handled
im trying to return to the faith
I once knew, but it appears
no clergy are here
love is not meant to be worshipped alone
these pews have grown cold
from lack of occupancy
so proselytization is taken place
if not to know another diety
atleast to experience ignorance
knowing nothing is better
than knowing the wrong thing
so this memo comes on the brink
of self excommunication
resignation pending
lack of communication
the same spring feelings that filled me
are killing me,
this new voice of reason
isnt logical either
but love is faith based
when your services end early
its pamplets are passed out
I've read some before when i was younger
some are familiar
however im still your paritionar
however let me know if your closed
or looking for new members

Letter to a Friend (Runaway Martyrs)

2010-06-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

this is where we last met.
in our thoughts.
congregated in our theories
-our perspectives never really synced
but we held a play list
that kept us to the beat of the same drum
and thats when our histories didnt matter
we wanted to become martyrs
and they die because of their future
being so potent, tales or told of them
and no one knows them
just like we didnt know ourselves
labeled ourselves rebels, because society
was becoming the bastard child
of our God, all praise YAHWEH
our rebellion left to defiance
against hands wielding help
because we knew of the price it came with
we were meant to be runaways
but when i left and you stayed
martyrdom became the least of your concerns
nobody dies for nothing
"nobody's" die for nothing
so im spending this time changing my social status
you didnt care, you were more rebel than me
and when we realized the discipline
necessary to become a martyr
was almost hypocritical to the free birds we became
i stayed and you left
and now our tales are different
and our roads to martyrdom are different
these bars that now hold you
must hold you.
try not to escape
but to face this moment
and let this system that was meant to hide you
reveal the rebel you are
now more disciplined
im waiting at the stake
im building a future so potent
its intoxication will occur upon thought
our thoughts
where we last met

sincerely
x of man, rebel mind

Death of a Virgin

2010-06-11T14:10:00.001-07:00

Never cut
So pure, it goes straight for the veins
Interesting how some things in life remain
Pure and others become intoxicated
So the mind is both sober
And infiltrated
She kept her chin up
Bright eyed full of luck
Or unlucky how things changed so quickly
Her mood rings was always cycling
A shifting dis-chord makes a sound breakdown
But her instruments played for the hell of it
And when hell was its hottest
She turned to the note in the bottle
Her sips became movements
That would sedate her sexuality
Eventually kept it covered up but told everyone about it
2nd movement was amusement
Just to see where the road would take her
3rd movement (break)
was the one that landed on her dress
She was a mess by then so it was
On to the 4th movement
To buy some security
Insure her responsibility was hanging on her key ring
Which she needed a driver
But learned to do her thing
So underneath the bottle she sipped from
Everything she ever ran away from
She never let go
Next to the get-away, hanged her day to day
So she kept her legs closed,
Can’t let her God’s secret be so exposed
Not because it was God’s but because
It was her last gift to him
And the backlash from not having a present
Meant she felt out of place at the party
So she kept in a box
No matter how many drinks she knocked back
Even went on her knees in servitude
In a pseudo prayer it would stay locked up
And love wouldn’t leave
But problems were cyclical and crescendo’ing
So sips became more frequent
And less decent
No one got passed the box, though
Because no one knew where her heart was
It held the key to it
And they both had the same locks
However, hearts grow cold
And objects in life can get lost in ice
However with no caution to take the wind
Nothing ever changed
Nothing to solve her problems and few to look for the key
So she married her bottle
But they never conceived, only conceptually
Until what poured out her wrist was
Her alcohol and sexuality.

Do the church fan video....This makes you cry and laugh at the same time

2010-06-08T12:06:00.001-07:00

foreign policy: reject the aff

2010-05-30T23:26:00.000-07:00

We are quite the opposites
Sometimes it seemed we were nations apart
Your country’s history and mines
Didn’t collide, But met like ends
I was looking for a treaty
To infatuatedly create our foreign policy
Interested in your GDP, and infrastructure
I became literate in your tongue
(More figurative than I hoped)
Not to impress you but to understand you
Emotions don’t get lost in translation
But still I learned you language
To learn how you love and felt love
But I’m feeling this (speechless moment)
Like my WMD aren’t meant to be discovered
in your territories
Prior obligations with other nations
and my country is too barbaric
so there’s no foreign policy to address
just nations, we’re just nations

different lover

2010-05-30T22:33:00.001-07:00

I am a different lover
From when you first thought of me
The first image was too exposed
The next was us severing
The arsonist’s tree with our names carved in
Eventually burned down
With more seeds to plant
I was exploring more ground
But im a different lover now
No seeds to see grow
Because when I moved on
- My steps were irreversible
And now there’s a new etching
In a new location
Closer to my heart
Further from my past

Dear You:

2010-05-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Lets keep this a secret
Pinky promises with our hands
Full of things we’re achieving
Our goals should be warned
We’re closing in on them
They’re trapped in a corner
But I don’t want to playback
My payback, just the moment
I knew I would make it
I'm embracing right now
In my hands forever
Seeing clouds
That are keeping the Xon fresh
Worlds may little note
But I'm off-key
So others remembering
Are Game-boys for offspring
Not into extra
Just completion
And even though we’re
Not each others reasons
Beacons are being followed
Lines are being crossed
we're winning

love poem #2

2010-05-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

Haven't seen you in weeks
-writings poems
-youre my muse

Can you call me "baby"

talent, minds, and hand grenades

2010-05-24T19:02:00.001-07:00

a 2 year old climbs on top of a chair
smiles and jumps down, classic
primal behavior
even harlots become martyrs
when their lack of achievement
sounds like stardom
me
Im just trying to make it
but the me in me
wants more
money to buy the store but cant afford
what’s in stored
the price to be admired
makes memories out of trial
so im in line for the fountain
my mind knows im thirsty
drink up
work in the morning
dont drink too much
but you want aggressive
and this is two hand touch

men wear t-shirts with affliction
hell, they all going to hell
pursuit of presence
is spiritual negligence
and partitions the perdition
pardon my de la soul
mr Wendell dont have ringtones
and these by gones
be by God
makes these guns
shot by goons
sound so coon
and its in my moments of being medicated
or more socially affiliated
that keep my meditations abbreviated
revelations as half statements
i write in incomplete synthesis
and my audience left at lost

Lov(her) Deux

2010-05-21T23:53:00.001-07:00

I found it in her eyes.
What I was looking for.

There’s something to love about a “yes.”
Simple. Realistic. Giving.

I found it in her eyes.
The want to please.
The want to be respected.

We bloomed in the January of our bond,
Pollinated by newness
And what lied in a kiss.

I was anticipating winter
Or splintering summer,
But we remembered January.

It snows in January
But we lived beyond time,
Seasons can frustrate impulse,
Thus we lived in January.

Even when time tempted,
Circumstance panhandled for change,
when we didn’t seem to blossom,
And others said to plant more-

Seasons changed,

But our month stayed the same.
Warred on every
side, except my back
you had it like my heart.

writer’s note: loyalty is under appreciated.

(Longer) Sleeves

2010-05-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

we couldnt become lovers
because my arms felt different to you
you're armageddon left me stranded
holding on to thin air
i fell
into knowing you

your mockery made me persistent
and this antithesis
became my rite of passage
although many of my brothers
died in its process

i was blessed at conception
anointed at entrance
into this rotating schema of matter
but someone shot the stork

i now wear its feathers where
angels wore them till worn
out, im now aware that the ware
i've become is different
than the other beings molded

hoping it makes me a target
i now wear my blood on my sleeve
red eye photos remain uncircumcised
circulating through heaven
while peter sips night from the little dipper

attending gate keepers and alcoholics synonymous
he had a problem with the first step
I dont, but I'm not better
my admitting was not admittance
into your heaven
but was relief into contentment
and communion with unleavened
-emotions

I hear God is protecting me from you
I'll let him
I hear he has plans to go old school
80's end times and all
the only sport with 122,000 on one team
and folks are still auditioning
tryout posted on handouts
by niggas in togas

or in long basketball shorts
with fitted caps
making these cd's replace crack
personally
I dont thinks its working

And...
so quickly
I fell in air
and you're still hatin on my arms

trick, do you know who i am
my means betray my me-ness

I once drove this taurus
to see twins who managed to get rid of crabs.

who else rocks A1's, folk-music ringtones
repents, preaches, poets, and been picked up
to get locked out

and you cant get passed my arms

Adidas - Adi-Rise Mid Shoes - Gray

2010-05-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

Adidas.com

My style

2010-05-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

Love Poem #1

2010-05-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

this jaded black skin
- kiss
- touch

How does it feel?

Im threatening (brought to you by the letter y)

2010-05-14T05:48:00.000-07:00

im not angry
Im black `

whats become synonymous with one of my cultures
has created cults based on anonymity and enmity
yet we are no more homogenized than artistry

i love your boxes
i have a few of my own

whats become of stereotypes are our expectations
so now what legitimizes our autonomy as equity
is repossessed by mental infancy and bigotry

Cold press

2010-05-14T05:26:00.001-07:00

lets not talk about love no more
its sick, the sadism is saddening
and the ramifications are permanent
the love we write about aint happenin
lets become prolific and simple
the complications of this birth
is shaping our earth
and the pen aint worth the verse
i once pricked my finger
to write about love
because thats all that seems to matter
work for some,
sports for other
politics and religion for the rest
and we're all sleepless over love
so lets talk about something else

redeeming quality

2010-05-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

Im into her
Like permanent ink
Fitted
New era
Where the
Origin looks like tempura
But its collard greens
And green beans
And even more
American than
We’d think

But, she’s in my head
Like a place to rest her head
No need for her to move
Because the room
Stays cool,
And the linens fresh
Playing Lennon’s best
I am where I am
Because
She kept her step

And then, she’s what I remember
Like California nights in summer
everyone dances
but she loves the drummer
and she loves the humor
and I was afraid of rumors
so I keep her distant
in fact, lets remain
silent (shhh)

But I’m into HIM
cause HE wanted me
despite my hers and shes
however complicated
HIS patience was waiting
to be activated
so Grace could
have me reinstated
and at the end of every poem
becomes my
REDEEMING QUALITY

attraction

2010-05-04T09:29:00.001-07:00

i'm attracted
to her
i cant turn my eyes
from the sun

but this attraction
is only a detraction
from the caption
at the bottom of
the big picture
my name is not mentioned

does your mind
photo shop like mines
airbrushing your image
were it isn't

but
what if my aspiration
are symptoms of
admiration
then my intention
could be treated by
occasion or separation

my taste has altered
but my plate has kept me full

I like it a lot. Normally, I'm a fan of the clutch, but this man purse is amazing.

2010-04-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

Check out this site --- http://www.louis-vuitton-review.com/

These are so DOPE

2010-04-17T12:57:00.000-07:00