xXxWhispered

Am I Bad?

krabii.ozine@gmail.com (krabii) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:04:00 +0000

I'm beginning to believe that, I'm loosing friends because I'm becoming so bad..

It's like, what I've become was the worst for some people. And now I'm wondering, is this still the real me? Or maybe, it's really hard for them to accept the kind of me that I've become.

Last week I watched Kimi ni Todoke's 4th episode, Rumors. This just really got me that I have to blog it out. Misunderstanding became its theme, And Sawako's character gave me a view from a different perspective.

I don't know if I can still be called as their friend. How long has it been? 2 months? almost 3 months? I'm already less of a friend to them and is just a mere someone who's scared to make new friends again.

"You change for 2 reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to"

I would rather go for the latter. I didn't intend to disappoint those people around me of who I have become but what appears to me now is that, I've become the worst person that they had had and the only way for them to avoid me is to leave me behind.

Now my own version of misunderstanding comes in. Is it for me that they left me behind, or is it for them? Is it for me that they left without any notice for me to feel less hurt or is it they left me behind to lessen the burden that I'm giving them? Everything was so sudden, everything happened without me knowing it. Fate just really made things so twisted that there were not a single word was said.

Now, time flew well that only air fills the gaps between what's suppose to be filled by them. I'm now scared, and even more scared to look at them, because I might just get another turn away look from them. Because from that very moment, when I was making a smile ready, all I've got was that kind of look from her, and that just ended everything up for me. It's like I've got no choice but to accept that they had already been moving on without me, that they have nothing more to ask because they already have everything. So what's left for me to do is to become civil, to act professionally as if I was new on that job, putting all those 3 yrs hidden and to make a new experience of me being alone.

Then just a while ago, I watched Seitokai no Ichizon's 5th episode which is all about who people are when they are living on their private life. This now really made me pity on myself because this episode just made me realize that there were already a lot of things that they went through which I am not anymore aware of, making me not just less, but not anymore to be considered as a friend.

I see them almost everyday at work, but to how I see them there is so far away from how they really were if it's just themselves alone. Then more than that, you're left guessing. It's just really so far different on just seeing them than knowing personally what these guys were doing for the past 3 months.

What I'm pointing out is that, I'm not anymore worthy to make myself aware of what's going on with them. I'm already less of a friend, and the worst person in the kind of place that I am now. All I just have now is the composure that I've been building up not to break down.

And then as i was writing this, I'm hearing "Heal the World" from our neighbor. So is fate doing something tricky again?

Soon, one of them is moving in to our team and I know the gap between us will be causing some hindrance at work, but this doesn't make me regret of recommending him in. I'm not going to cause him any bad anyway, so rest assured, I'm not planning on causing you burden. And anyways, I think you already made it clear that tasks should be separated, right? I know that it must be that way, but that just gave me a slap on my face. I don't like this to get so personal but I know ever since in college, I've already been giving you headaches, so maybe it's better this way. You'll do your way, I'll do mine.

All About Things

krabii.ozine@gmail.com (krabii) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:37:00 +0000

I'm starting to learn how to live life without worrying much. I don't want myself to suffer again about things that will not really help me grow up. It's still always better to cling on happiness rather than drowning yourself in sadness.

When Ondoy hits our country, Ozine made a step of helping the affected people through voluntary works and by gathering donations. The happiness that I felt on helping those typhoon victims is immeasurable. It's a different feeling, a different kind of happiness that one can feel. Plus the fact that the people who you are with are also your friends that are also willing to help. The feeling of happiness that time is just.. overflowing.

I'll be facing a new kind of life soon. Still unsure of what will this lead me but as long as I'm happy.. I know this will not fail me.

I'm starting to do things that I am enjoying. And I think I will be enjoying this more when that time comes. Kinda excited, yes. Because finally I got to learn that there are still people like them who are willing to be there for me. I didn't really expected this. I think, it's fate that lead me towards this.

It's not that I'm not anymore expecting for some things to happen, but things just really have their own way to sort everything out. And that still bothers me, wondering if things would still get better than what it is now. Maybe by then, anyways.. It'll never be the same as what it had been before, right?

Fate is still buying me some time to think. The "should stay or go" thing is still on my mind. It does really needs to consider a lot, and will surely affects a lot. I don't really want to go on like this. Having thoughts like this which is really making me half-hearted about what I'm doing. I need some answers. Haaay.

Anyways! they already did it. Some things were already been revealed.. or should I say, became kinda formal. lolz! What happened that day was really something that really made me think a lot. I'm super loving that 25% but still I have to make things a bit limited. I just can't force it out. And I still know where my place is. I love the fact that he knows, and can handle things right even if its all new to him. I just wish that things between us will be better.. than this..^^

What I Want

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:32:00 +0000

I want to see it clearly.. Things that I really want.. Or even those things that I didn't knew that I wanted.. It's just that.. lately.. I've been wanting a lot of things now.. And we all know what's WANT and NEED right? Well here it goes..

What surprised me were these two things that suddenly popped out on my mind when I was at the bus going home. "I want to own a car, and to have a billboard of me over there.." Can you just imagine that?! I mean.. that will always remain as a dream right?! I mean the billboard thing! C'mon! Reality.. hello! hahaha! Just to remind myself.. never did I wanted to own a car before and even to have a billboard of me hanging anywhere! So those were just 2 of my most surprising thoughts I had lately.

For the "MORE REALISTIC" ones.. I think, I'll be making a confession here. I've been idolizing "some" people lately. I've learned that these cool guys are really those whom I want to look up to. By just looking on to where they are now and to how successful they had become.. I'll bet.. You'll gonna say "Cool!" or "Wow!" to these guys.

Who i'm talking about are the Uy brothers, Dennis and Bryan, Gosiengfiao sisters, Alodia and Ashley, and Jehzeel Laurente.

Starting with the Uy brothers, Dennis and Bryan. I learned about this people way back 2003 or 2004 when I joined the Anime Club forum before. They were not really the one's I've became close to that time but I knew that these two people were somewhat the "Heads" of that anime forum. Years later, 2008, t'was actually last year when I first got to know them personally. Thanks to that Dorm EB, I happened to be "baptized" and be part of the group! haha! Now for you to know, they are the ones responsible of the longest running Anime Events here in our country so far!

Ozine Fest, AniCon, Otaku Taiiki.. all these events, which were also been covered with various tv stations like tv5 and channel V, were organized by these two cool guys and of course by the Otakuzine Anime Magazine which is one of the best leading anime magazine here and was also started by these two! And now they have a new one out, Otaku Vault.

Before I was just a mere fan and reader of their mag, but now? I can even talk with them, be with them, and a friend to them.. I even became part of the event staff because of them!

Next, Gosiengfiao sisters, Alodia and Ashley. Same as with Dennis and Bryan, I met them first on the same Anime Club forum way back. They were the moderators of that forum before. I even remember having some talks and chats with them there. People whom I didn't realized that I will be meeting face to face.

Picture I got at the White Hat Charity Event

They are now well-known on our country's cosplay realm. No one will ever get mistaken when someone would ask if who are today's Cosplay Princesses. I'm not going to dig into details anymore because I know that you know them already more than I know them. Confusing? haha! Anyways, you might be starting to call me a fanboy but here's the case, I admire them for how they do things from cosplaying, merchandising, became a model for young cosplayers, even got tv appearances, endorsements and a lot!

It was I think at the Schizen Orchestra Event when I first saw them personally. As usual.. they are one of the judges for the cosplay competition. But my most close encounter with them was when they attended at our Otaku Taiiki Event, where in I became one of the human barrier as they call it. haha! Just part of the job as one of the event marshalls. There I also met their mom which I also look up to. So humble and really kind-hearted. So maybe from there, we already know where the half of these two ladies came from! ^^

Now, its Jehzeel Laurente's turn. I dunno if I already seen this guy at Nuffnang's movie screening of Burn After Reading. I just can't recall, but I think I did when we're all in the line of going inside the theater.

Picture got from Nuffnang

He's just my guy when it comes to blogging. He's just simple, humble and yet so powerful and rich! haha! He's a web developer, freelancer, he does everything online so well.. earns online too! just imagine how many bucks of dollars are coming into he's account every month! or even every week! He owns a lot of sites, not all of them are for profit though, but all of these are so active! You can see it on their google page ranks! He also got some tv appearances and his blog got published on national newspaper as well! All because of his great job in the field of blogging!

And by the way! Jehzeel was nominated and is now one of the finalist for the Nuffnang Asia-Pacific Blog Awards! Please help me in supporting him and the other Filipino finalists win the awards! Please vote using the widget on my sidebar! Thanks!

So there! They were just so awesome, right? They are just really the products of Hobby, Passion and Hard-Work combined! I want to be like them and I want to be successful in whatever path I choose.

I Didn't Only Lose Things

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:26:00 +0000

Just finished watching the final episode of 07-Ghost's season 1 a while ago and thought of doing something like this. This just really became one of my favorites so far. It's mostly about how strong your will is when it comes to standing by those people you cared the most. About how to to know what's just about something that you want to believe in. About the truth that has many forms as there are people.

Now, just how will you be giving meaning on this 3 pics posted above?

Reading (the subtitles) only just that would really make you think. Well, it just depends on how you interpret it though.

It's all about growing up, being not just that stupid brat but to who you had become. I dunno, but as what people say, when you lose something, you'll gain something better. And maybe, I think I'll just have to believe in that. Though I still really don't see what that gain is.. I'll just think positive about that.

For those who are watching this series.. "Season One Finale. Series to return in 2010."

TH Picture Editor: Me ^^

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:23:00 +0000

Because it became my habit to be still be up until 2AM, here's what I've done! haha! Editing some pics using Picasa 3!

Oh well.. Happy that this day didn't turned out really bad. Somehow, I enjoyed the day through these pics..^^

The Currents

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:29:00 +0000

What's the biggest shot? The Office. I finally named it my "Loneliest place on Earth" and hell yeah, so true! I now only go to the office for plain work and to super patiently wait for the clock to hit 4PM or until all my tasks are done, then go. Looks so boring right? Nice it may seem if I'm pretty much busy, so this made me somehow loved Tuesdays, Wednesdays and even Saturdays, since these days are the busiest days of my week, but hell to Thursdays and Fridays! These are just the damn wicked days which really kills me to death! Days that at most of the time, I'm doing nothing! So the pain is there, the sadness is there, sometimes, even tears are there.. just say, c'mon! what else could you ask for! I'm lonely and so much broke!

I'm not really hiding it. You may see me smile at times, laugh at times, but that doesn't mean that I'm fine. I'm even thinking of leaving.. again. A thought that was already been with me months back. And its coming back to me again. I'm even giving myself weeks to decide before the processing of my Visa comes to place. I love my new job now, but it's just like being in a relationship. Love isn't just the thing there. I love my new job but I'm not really happy about staying there. I love doing the job but it's more like I fail doing it right because of my unstable state of being in such place like that. Honestly? It isn't anymore good for me to be in that kind of atmosphere now, if you know what I mean.

If you are not aware of what's this all about? then crap! Almost everyone's noticing it already. And its been over a month now so how couldn't you notice it? I even had a post about it here before! But you know what? If you really didn't even get a hint of what's been happening? I envy you. Simple. Because you don't give a damn about it. If only I could ever make myself care less about this fuckin drama, then I shouldn't be hurt like this!

You know why? because you guys just simply made this scar that I had deeper than how it was before. Pretty simple right? But anyways, there's nothing more to do. Like I know its worse, and now I just gave up and is now expecting things to get worst, or if not, for things to stay like this, if not forever, for the longest time.

So as long as I still don't have my decision, for as long as I still don't know how to get these things be explained to my superiors if ever I get my decision.. I'll just have to endure this whole damn thing until I get used to it.

Move on? Dammit! You already know how hard it is for me to do it! I know that this kind of same thing already happened before between me and my bestbud, It was so hard to accept that things went on like that between us. Same to now, I treasure all those almost 3 years of being with the company.. of being with them.. but i just might as well put all of those inside of my treasure chest since these will just be good to be called now as treasured moments.

---

Next best shot? Ozine. They are now my pure source of happiness. I can smile and laugh genuinely whenever I'm with them. I love it when there's gonna be an event or meet-ups because being with them make me not to worry. I'm always being pre-occupied with joy and fun! Everything feels just so light they're just like my haven.

So from there, you might know pretty well where I'm getting my strength and where the biggest push in my life is coming from. Love from them is overflowing and that is one thing that I can be proud of on having them.

These are just some of the recent pics that I've been with them! T'was Jam and Ukiya's day to treat us after their birthday! ^^

---

Next up! Star Cinema's In My Life. T'was its 2nd day of movie screening when I decided to go watch the movie. Though I was at the mall on its first day, I didn't got the time to watch it alone. Anyways, starred by John Lloyd Cruz, Luis Manzano and Vilma Santos, what made me love this movie is the diversity of its plot. And I also loved the fact that they laid it to its viewers so naturally where in it seemed like that everything there were just normal. Making me believe that this kind of movie will somehow change the way of how people think in regards to gay relationships and parent on actually knowing who and what their children are and what they had become.

And also, I really have my personal reason on why I watched the movie. Somehow, this is my way of supporting the film to show how our society must see things beyond what is actually there. I mean, personally, I had this right and wrong issue which I really hated, but this shouldn't be treated as something bad and wrong.. this movie just really made it best on showing how things must be accepted. That these kind of things should be treated as normal as other things are being seen.

---

So there. I missed blogging, really. I know that this will be gathering a lot of criticism, you can take it to yourself, but you can also slap it straight into my face. Its up to you.

I think I hafta make a slogan out of this, These are just my thoughts and my side of my story. Things can be changed but this will be kept original.

Dear God

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:18:00 +0000

Sharing something that someone shared me.. I know this is something that you may hear on some churches.. but I don't mind.. It's nice eh.. try listening to it.. you'll know..^^

FM Static
Dear God

Dear God I wrote this letter,
To put my thoughts on paper,
Sometimes life seems like a criminal,
Without a well planned caper
I know Youre the answer,
But I forget the question,
How do I know You love me,
When no one else, seems to care

Ive tried everything I thought,
Might help me understand things,
And it didnt tell me anything,
Or even play my heart strings
So Im writing You this letter,
To wait for Your reply,
I am so tired, of not believing,
Ill give You a try

I dont know, but I got this feeling,
That todays gonna be my turning point,
Everyday I get a little bit closer,
It feels so good to finally be over
I dont know, but I think Im learning,
This type of thing,
Never been my calling card,
Sometimes you just gotta look closer,
Instead of searchin so hard

So when I start to get down,
And the world fills up around me,
And my head starts
Spinnin like a top,
From the way my heart beats pounding
I can look up for a second,
And know that Im alright,
I spent so long, not believing,
Its my turn to fly

I dont know, but I got this feeling,
That todays gonna be my turning point,
Everyday I get a little bit closer,
It feels so good to finally be over
And I dont know, but I think Im learning,
This type of thing, never
Been my calling card,
Sometimes you just gotta look closer,
Instead of searchin so hard

I Can Get Used To This

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:55:00 +0000

Just for share.. kinda relates to the current "what's going on with me" now.. Enjoy the music coz I enjoyed it a lot! ^^

David Choi
I Can Get Used To This

I kept all of my feelings locked inside of me,
Finally found someone to trust with everything,
Oh I try so hard always to be a man,
But right now I just,
I can't understand how I can't control.
Oh, I think love's got a hold on me.

[Chorus: ]
Such a foreign feeling, but you know...
I can get used to this, I can get used to this, I can get used to this now.

Comfortable and feels so real,
I can get used to this,
Stuck in this happiness.
I can get used to this now, Yeah...

[Verse 2:]
I think this is the first time I've ever felt like this
And found someone I would never want to miss.
I feel like a child,
I get butterflies,
Sorry this is the only way to describe.
Think I'll let it go,
Let this love get a hold of me

[Chorus:]
Such a foreign feeling, but you know...
I can get used to this, I can get used to this, I can get used to this now.

Comfortable and feels so real,
I can get used to this,
Stuck in this happiness.
I can get used to this now. Yeah.

[Bridge: ]
Love feels so good…
Better than I thought it would.

Such a foreign feeling, but you know...
I can get used to this, I can get used to this, I can get used to this now.

Comfortable and feels so real,
I can get used to this,
Stuck in this happiness.
I can get used to this now.

La da da daa...

Going There

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 17:48:00 +0000

I'm halfway there..
Maybe I'm right..
Maybe I'm wrong..

Emotions can really get through you..
It can either make you strong..
or weak.. and even weaker..

People say..
I'm so sensitive..
At times, even over sensitive..

I learned..
That it isn't just a trait..
It is actually me..

Now I'm trying..
Learning on how to control it..
To make it easy as just to turning it ON or OFF..

I know..
Being one can make..
But being one can also break..

Things might be so complicated..
That's why I want to understand it..
Even if it needs me to go branch by branch..

I've always been me..
Might be wearing masks at times..
But it just breaks easily..

If I'm mad, I'm mad..
If I'm sad, I'm sad..
What you see is what you get..

I don't have to create a face..
Different to what I truly feel..
In front of those who knows me well..

But maybe there are still a lot..
A lot to know..
A lot to learn..

Anyways, I'm almost there..
I may meet anyone..
They might meet me there..

For as long as there's someone..
Who knows me well..
And knows where I'm coming from..

I can say..
I'm still alive..
And will continue on..

In Solitude

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:54:00 +0000

I got myself sick again..
Stuck at home taking in these meds..
Its been 2 days already..
and I don't know if I can still make it..

This isn't what I wanted..
Everything's so fucked up..
Now, I want to make an escape..
Far, too far from everything..

Things aren't the same anymore, I know.
"People change, so do I.."
Just like the breeze..
It came by so lightly.. swiftly..

I'm longing.. who doesn't?
I wanted to feel the warmth..
a hug perhaps,
or even just a shoulder to lean on..

But is it still possible?
I've been looking..
What comes to mind..
nothing.. no one..

Tears doesn't seem to think twice..
It doesn't even hold back..
It just pours down..
who cares anyways?

Shivering..
I wanted to be numb..
Coldness envelops me..
And my heartbeat's fading slowly..

I'm on my way now..
Leading this solitary path..
Down the road..
With unfamiliar faces..

There's no one there..
Who knows me well..
The depths in me..
Everything of me..

Maybe I just have to..
Start again.
Dream again.
Hope again.

Maybe that's it..
Maybe later..
Or til then..
Who knows?

Already Gone

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:15:00 +0000

I know right, i hate that title post but its what I think is fitting for this post. I'm not gonna dig in about that song.. I just really so hate it.. why? read the lyrics.. you'll know! Anyways, there are still people reading my blog.. nice to know.. the old ones, and there are also the new ones.. But I hope you're not getting tangled up by the posts that you're reading.. It sometimes doesn't concern you but it's always been about me..

Someone told me.. keep a journal of how you feel for the day and not of what you did, that way.. you'll grow as a person. I'm trying. Sometimes its just hard for me to blog everything out. Sometimes I thought that I'll just keep everything to myself. But most of the time, I tend to blurt it out without thinking how this will affect the readers. But again I'm gonna tell you this, this only contains my side of the story. This is how I think and how I see things.

Tears ran down yesterday, can't help it. I just dunno what to do. A lot of what ifs went on through my mind.. thinking of what should be done. But still, what I thought best was to remain like this because I will never be the same me anyways.. I've got no problems if someone's gonna approach me and be as casual as like before. And wala namang naging problema noon dba?! It just so happened when that day came when nobody tried to talk to me and now lasted to almost two weeks! Should I be the one reaching out? I don't know. If people decided not to, then be it. At first I thought that they might only be busy with their stuff. But that was the only day that I remembered that I haven't got the chance to talk with them even if its a busy day to all. Then Wednesday came. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Its becoming evident as those days were passing by. So let it be.

Its fine with me. If its because of me that they decided then that's nothing for me to argue with. I know that I'm being so hard to understand now. I'm so hard to deal with now. People can get tired, I know. And even before, I was telling this to him. I don't want to mess up with the fun of the group so its better if I'll be gone. Me being there will only give limits to everything, if I'm not there, people will not be going to worry anymore.

7 Days and Counting

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:49:00 +0000

And yes.. they are really giving me this Someone-they-call-Tuko like kind of treatment at the office.. Am I beginning to be air-headed too?! Or..

Is it maybe because I didn't attend the wedding plus the fact that I've got nothing to write down on to that card because I really don't know what to write because of the bitterness in me towards that thing? or is it because of what happened when Tugang shared with me the pictures of the office's Sportsfest which I don't want to see anymore because of who I saw there and giving them a "FUCK!" reaction?

Had I become so cold out of pain which made them become so fed up of me, got enough of me and got tired of me? Or is it because I was already been DUMPED & REPLACED by the group for they already welcomed "a NEW member" to THEIR FAMILY?

It can't be helped, because of what's happening.. maybe I'll just have to let things be. I already lost someone who happened to be my life. I was moving on, I was even on the point where I'm not using the things that came from him anymore.. Remember the BOX? And putting all of them there. But it seems like now I'm loosing even these people who makes up my life.

Now going to office left me with only plain work and I'm getting used to it. Maybe I just happened to be so bitter towards this LOVE THING which made everything so messed up. Hell yeah, some says my life is sad this way. But what I say is, maybe its better this way. If being with them will just hurt me.. then I'm better off alone.

But I must admit, LOVE is a beautiful thing but it happened to me as my worst nightmare. Now I'm afraid.. and I can prove it now. Someone's knocking in but I am so much afraid to open it up. Its not that I'm not ready yet coz I know if its IT but I just wanted to make sure that my feelings are true to know that I'm also into it. I don't want to just "give the favor in return" of what's been given to me because it isn't really my kind of thing. I know its wrong like that, and i don't want to make that kind of wrong be right.

It may sound that it became hard-ER for me to love again. I am now just being cautious. I value myself and I don't want to end up picking up the shattered pieces of me again.

My Sense of Deduction

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Here I go again having an unstable mind and a disorganized line of thoughts about something. This whole day, I mean yesterday's whole day, since its all ready 4AM, just had my head so occupied by things which I'm not sure of. I'm bragging about what's right to do on things that I wanna do because I'm scared of making mistakes again. Scared that I might be wrong again.. that I myself is still a mistake.

Giving deductions to things after being so distressed is still making me.. weak. And thinking of what's the rightmost thing to do now makes me so helpless. I know that somehow, I can still find my right kind of wrong but.. does this always have to torment me every time I'll gonna make a wrong one be good and right?

Maybe what I'm afraid of is rejection, maybe that's why I'm afraid of doing things right even if i know its right all along. But Perspective varies among different minds. What is right to some may be wrong for others, and it goes on and on.

"More than anything, more than anyone.. I'm the one who doesn't understand myself. I've been standing still this whole time. Since that day, I haven't taken a single step forward.. I'm so pitiful, I'm so ashamed."

But then, at this instant I already realized. And I guess I just took my first step forward. Maybe from here I can go wherever I please and it all now depends on me.

"If strength begins to when you understand your weakness.. then I can still move forward."

I may be having this disoriented thoughts.. but now.. I can step out with no shame.

Good thing I listened to Mina on watching Pandora Hearts.. It really helped a lot on bringing me up again. And also to my new best friend.. we might not have known each other well enough and we haven't seen yet, but lifting me up really lessen the weight in me. Thanks.

Sleepy Head

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 07:15:00 +0000

Is feeling sleepy at work.. >.< Got myself hit the sack at around 1:30AM this morning. So really lazy to do things. Good thing because I manage to finish all my pending tasks this morning. Hmm.. I just have to wait for the other bunch of files to come and do the findings.

(2 hours later)

Just had my powernap! haha! and somehow i'm half? awake! lolz! Still waiting for the file to be finished on their side though. I just hope I could get outta here early immediately after work, I still have to drop by at Megamall to pick up my new glasses.

I just hope I can get a good night sleep later to prevent this kind of sleepy experience again.. haha!

Anyways.. I'm now owning The Atrium one after the another! lmao! Don't dare mess with me there! hahaha!

Me, baby Rye and Arashi went out yesterday. These two school boys just really wanted to go out coz school is killing them already.. haha! Midterms, Prelims and all! Since yesterday was a holiday, again, thanks to Tita Cory, we went to Megamall unplanned for the day. We actually started talking about going out since the other day but we just can't think of what we will be doing. So I just then realized that things would be a lot easier for us if there's gonna be a nomnom session. Hahaha!

Plus the fact that it was raining so hard and there were just few public vehicles yesterday really make some of us stay at home. But still baby Rye and Arashi decided to still go to Megamall even if its already 6PM! lolz! My mom even asked me what the hell am I still gonna do there when its already 6PM?! haha! What I just told her then was, "we'll be looking for a new pair of shoes.. "

So then I headed off and met them there. We looked for a new pair of shoes and bought one. Then we went to Executive Optical to have my new glasses done and to buy myself a new set of contact lenses. then here comes the story of The Atrium. lolz!

There will always be a time when all of us will start asking, "San tayo kakain?" I know right! And because of I don't know where I will be meeting THEM again.. I just decided to dine in at The Atrium whenever I'm gonna be with baby Rye and Arashi and the gang and experience the taste of all those restos there. Oha oha! Very goal oriented right? ahaha!

There are really a lot of choices to dine in from and what we had tried already were Eskimo Boy and Teriyaki Boy. so far so good! Now I wonder where we'll be eating next! Hehehe!

Too bad my phone's cam got broken.. I think I will really be needing a new cam soon for this kind of times and also for the upcoming training that I will me with soon.

So there, I think the file that I was waiting is already on my mailbox.. so... hafta do some work now! ^^

The ScribeFire Way of Posting

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 07:35:00 +0000

Today just happened to be one of the most laziest day we had. Laziest because there's nothing much to do. Only did some revisions on some files and that's it. Now we're just waiting for the clock to hit 4 then we're off.

Anyways.. mum's here to help me process my papers for NSO and DFA. Really hafta rush things out most specially on renewing my passport. But DFA just doesn't permit us to renew my passport coz I still don't have a copy of my birth certificate in NSO. So what comes first now is to settle this birth certificate thing. I just hope that the process will not take long coz I don't want to cause a delay on scheduling our training. >.>

30mins more before 4PM.

Haay.. I think I'm back on practicing this idea again. "I only eat to nourish my body with the nutrients that it needs" I don't think I am enjoying having meals again.. with other people..

So I'll just cut this short for now.. Back to plurk and tweets!

Over the weekend

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:46:00 +0000

I wonder who's reading this lame blog that I have right now.. I mean, I almost became an inactive blogger these passed few weeks.. so.. just to let me know.. if you happened to drop by.. could you please leave a comment like what the others do on my shout box... please?

Anyways, these weekend happened to be the not-I-used-to-have weekend. I went out on a Sunday and just sat in front of my PC the whole Monday. Where in what I should have done was be in front of the PC the whole Sunday and do the chores on Monday. Isn't that my usual thing over the weekend? lolz. Oh right.. I consider Sundays and Mondays my weekend since these are my days off.

So there, though I left the house yesterday at around 6PM, it still made a difference to my Sunday. Right? Hmm.. let me just remember what I did yesterday morning.. Geez.. there's nothing to remember coz I woke up noon yesterday.. haha! the early (yet is really late) part of my day just happened like how I spend my Sundays just that I have to go meet my baby to bring to him the book that we borrowed from Kyo. It's gonna be his Midterms already by next week so we just really hafta have that book as part of his review.

But that book has its own story as well and I dunno how or what to feel about it. haha! Twas Saturday after work when I went to SM Megamall to meet Kyo for the book. I came kinda early even though I left the office at around 7PM already. (Oh well.. going home late is a part of another story by the way..) I planned of doing the groceries after getting the book but when I arrived at the Supermarket I decided to eat dinner first while waiting for Kyo to arrive.

Since I don't have some cash with me.. I thought of using my card to eat and do the groceries. So I really hafta think of to where I hafta eat. Then Kenny Rogers popped into my mind. All the way from the Supermarket, I went back walking to Bldg A. (The FX I rode on my way there dropped me at the end entrance of Bldg A so just think of how long I needed to walk from there to the end of Bldg B to reach the Supermarket. Lolz!)

But to my surprise, there sitting and eating on that same spot.. is my ex with the present! Imagine all those tiring walks I have to take only to figure out that I'll be ending up seeing them! c'mon with the fate! I really didn't know how to react, knowingly that my ex (I dunno if its just me but..) and I had this 2-3 second eye contact.. (or maybe its just what I thought..) Or did my ex really saw me right there and then? Now I wonder.. But what happened there was something like near to "walang pansinan" kind of thing..

It took a couple of minutes before I got over it, really, Since I am really not yet ready to face them being together right in front of my face.

So I just went straight to the counter and pretended like nothing happened. I was even asked by the waiter if I was willing to sit next to a not-so-old woman since there are no other seats available. It was just fine but what's really tricky is its almost the table next to where those two are! Funny thing right?

But anyways.. I got myself busy replying to my baby's texts so I really didn't noticed them since I was also waiting for my food to be served.

Then there came Kyo with the book! Haha!

Now on my Sunday. I took a nap on that afternoon and woke up almost 5:30 PM. Rushed to prepare myself coz baby and I were suppose to meet by 6PM. Twas really raining hard that time which really made may shoes wet! But still I'm fine, so anyways!

I brought with me this uber thick but not too old Physics book. Kinda heavy too, I must admit. Haha! Again, i dunno why, but why are those FX drivers dropping their passengers on that very end entrance of Bldg A?! Hmm..

So from there, I started walking again to reach the other end of the mall. Yes! straight near to Dunkin Donuts beside the Supermarket! I texted my baby that I'll just be waiting for him at Bldg B but I still really don't know where I will be waiting him because I was also thinking to where I will be having my dinner there!

We met at Timezone and gave him the book. He already knew that I was thinking of where to eat. Since he haven't taken his lunch yet, and I was looking for a place to eat dinner.. we went up to look for some place at the Atrium and ended up eating to where Krno treated us for an Ice Cream!

We stayed there for almost an hour talking and updating each other about stuffs at school and work and friends and about what we'll be having on our next Anime event. Everything just went smoothly and decided to do it again soon. Somehow, being too far and not having the day to day exchanging of chats and texts for quite a while helps for meet ups like that, right?

Having that talk made us realize one thing. We're both not lucky in love but is doing better career-wise. Him at school and me at work.

Maybe I'll be focusing first on making my job a little more stable. I just happened to be in a level higher now than what I am before at work. One thing that made my office mates tell me not to worry about love first since I'm at the edge of my career now. And this also somehow goes to my baby. He's doing good at school even though he's really facing some "friendly" issues right now. And he's back on being an NGSB kid. Let's just say that the flingy serious type of thing didn't work on them.

So there! Maybe things will be better this way.. As like to what I learned from Delamar of The Morning Rush, I can say that having this TMR with my baby will just be fine for now. TMR? Temporary yet Meaningful Relationship.. cool huh?

So what's up for today? Oh right! I slept at around 2AM this morning and woke up at around 10AM and was shocked to see that my grapes (on my farm at Farm Town) were already being wasted one after the another! Then imagine this! I spent almost my whole day remodeling my whole farm! Yep! You could check it out on Facebook if you're on my list of friends!

So.. now that I spent my whole day in front of my PC.. could you excuse me now for I still have to hit the laundry? Haha! By the way its already 9:22PM! Cool! So ciao!

Difference

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Its been quite a while. So you might ask.. what's makin me busy?

I really don't know.. All I know is.. I'm enjoying killing the time. Resorting to things that can make myself occupied for my everyday.

Went out a while ago to eat my dinner when thoughts started to rush into my mind again. Like someone within me saying.. "I need to be inspired.." I don't know about this line but I suddenly remembered this.. "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"

I'm not really a geek to apply that line to my life but on how I look on to my life now.. Life at work's really starting to eat the whole of me. Maybe taking my daily dose of kilig from people isn't enough.. But is there really still a need for me to look for this 1% of inspiration for me?

Or maybe its a sign that I'm so much depriving myself from feeling the "inspiring" type of love that's why the inner me is making its way out.

People now kept on telling me.. I was given an opportunity because I'm a failure in love.. just like what some of us now about.. its either you're good on the one but fails on the other one..

Now that my chance to grow mature at work was somehow settled.. must I give time to look for that 1% inspiration? Will that make any difference if I'll just give it a 100% shot at work and drain myself doing the killing of time off-work?

I've been encountering chances lately but I always ends up being scared. I hate to tell this but I dunno if I'll make myself serious anymore for the next person that will be involved in my life. Because a while ago, I suddenly remembered about my ex-es.. I always tied the word "forever" with them but in the end.. all are just gone out to waste.. So what lies on my head now is this - "Sooner or later things between us will just get too loose so I don't wanna waste any more time and emotions over that thing again.."

Yes.. I'm hopeless but yet I'm hoping that I'm not going to live my life so alone..

For now I think.. I can live on with just my daily dose of kilig just to feed my heart with emotions that it has to feel.

"I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right.
I cry, I cry.
I'm Shaking from the pain that's in my head.
I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away the life that I led.
But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die."

Hafta Post

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:35:00 +0000

Hafta chillax.
Hafta stop wasting time.
Hafta get serious.

Hafta plan.
Hafta do it right.
Hafta make it happen.

Hafta go to sleep now.
Hafta go to work early.

I'm so so single.. lolz!

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:50:00 +0000

yeah! Make it single times 2! haha!

Just realized that 4 days ago.. t'was my first year being single.. then just a while ago.. there goes another thing happened that made me single times 2! haha!

Its not bothering me much now.. I'm happy for my NGSB baby that now he found the one he's waiting for to be his girlfriend.. nyuuu.. alright.. hafta admit this one.. kinda sad coz i dunno if he's still goin to be my baby after that.. but knowing that he's going to be happy knowing that somehow he found another piece of his life now.. I'm gonna be good with that na! hehe.. anyways.. whatever happens.. he'll still be my baby naman.. wag lang magagalit si gf.. kahit na sya na pala yung katext ko kanina.. lolz!

oh well.. think its time to sleep na.. still have to go to work later..

nyt guys!

OTAKU TAIIKI UPDATE 070809

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:02:00 +0000

UPDATE

Otaku Taiiki will now be on AUGUST 23, 2009 at SM Megamall, Megatrade Hall 3! An Anime & Gaming Event from the cool makers of Ozine Fests & Anicon! Be there! ^^

Php 100 for tickets!

From Kyou's Chapter

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:08:00 +0000

Clannad OVA
Ryou to Okazaki..

"Don't apologize.. If you apologize, and I forgive, then it would be as if it was all a lie..
I want to treasure those times as precious memories..
The fun times.. The hard times.. All of it..
And so.. don't apologize.."

I miss this

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 13:43:00 +0000

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
FREE MP3 DOWNLOADS @ MP3-CODES.COM

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

Just Another Post

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Got busy. Oh well, intentionally became busy.. thinking that I might forget about what I feel if my mind is so occupied.

I got busy but not with games this time. Busy meeting some Ozine friends, busy chatting and meeting people online, and busy looking for things that will help myself financially.

Yep, somehow I'm back to my goal.. financial freedom! harharhar.. but still it will take time.. because of the fact that i don't wanna accept workloads here at home.. It will surely take some time to reach my goal.

I don't really have a lot to post now. and this is the end of this post.

Limited

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:49:00 +0000

Do I have to be limited to what I'm supposed to be talking about? Of what I wanted to tell and what I feel about..?

See, I can't really start a post now thinking that I might be saying something which isn't supposed to be seen in here anymore.. dang!

its so hard to be the empath type of person.. there!

OTAKU TAIIKI UPDATE

xdisme@yahoo.com (Rashid) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:17:00 +0000

OTAKU TAIIKI UPDATE

THE JULY 4 DATE WAS POSTPONED AND WILL BE MOVED TO A LATER DATE.. PLEASE WAIT FOR FURTHER ANNOUNCEMENTS.. THANKS!

Please see http://www.otakuzine-mag.com/ for future updates.

Otaku Taiiki at SM Megatrade Hall 3! Another anime event brought to you by the cool makers of Ozine Fests and Anicon! Be there when it happens! ^^