Scott Dann is a new hero of mine.  If you don’t remember his story, Dann, a Blackburn defender, ruptured his testicle during a match with West Brom back in December.  The injury was sustained as he stretched out to reach the ball (soccer ball) while scoring his first goal for the club.

Here is where the label “hero” sets in.  Dann scored in the 72nd minute and somehow finished up the rest of the match.  At the end of the match, Dann reported the “discomfort” to the team physio. The physio believe that it was just slight internal bleeding (in his crotch) and sent him home.

The extend of the injury was not known until Dann decided himself that it was time to head to the hospital.  This conclusion of course was reached when Dann was getting ready to head out for a night on the town.  I’m not sure what type of preparations Dann was making for his outing, but apparently his ruptured testicle was just a bit uncomfortable to carry on.

It was only when he got to the hospital that the full breath of the injury was brought to light and the surgeons decided to operate immediately.  Dann speaking for the first time since the injury had this to say:

“Our physio, Dave Fevre, is very experienced and he’s never seen an injury like it before. And it’s even more painful than it sounds. It was not a pretty sight. I overstretched and clashed with the goalkeeper, Ben Foster. I was in severe pain and couldn’t run, but I was determined to carry on, despite knowing that something was badly wrong.”

If it is actually more painful than it sounds, I think I would have been asked to have been put down right on the field like an old horse.  The fact that he says it was more painful than it sounds and then continued on for 18 more minutes (plus stoppage time) puts you right into the YCIS book of heroes.

ESPN has reported that West Ham United had made attempts to lure Chelsea flop machine, Fernando Torres, and Manchester City outcast, Carlos Tevez, to the Championship League club.  Co-owner David Sullivan has revealed to West Ham Till I Die:

“We tried to get Torres from Chelsea.  Well if he couldn’t score in the Premier League, come along with us for a month. We might fire him up. They just said ‘not at this moment in time. Three times we asked [ Tevez]. Three times they said ‘no chance’.”

In related news YCIS UK reporter has reveled that there has been a number of lower league clubs from England and America who were looking sign some of the worlds top players, which naturally were laughed off.  Here is a list of a few of these absurd attempts much like West Ham’s:

1. Portsmouth {Championship League} made an inquiry about the availability of Lionel Messi.
2. Real Salt Lake {MLS} asked about signing Cristiano Ronaldo for a month long lone.
3. Plymouth Argyle {League 2} asked about the chances of signing Robin Van Persie.
4. Portland Timbers {MLS} made an attempt of signing Hope Solo.

I guess this phrase applies: “If you don’t make any calls… you don’t make any sales” – John Candy in Brewster’s Millions

This promotion is designed to bring about a fusion of the rhythm, speed, and tempo of the game with the equal counterparts of soccer.  Messi seems to be very excited about this particular project:

“Music is a big part of the game and fan experience, so it feels very natural to bring them together.”

My brain immediately went into convulsions think of the different captions for this photo, so we decided to leave you with just the background for this photo, and see what you can come up with.  Win this competition, and you will receive a Pepsi Max which I’m sure you will promptly return to us.  Actually we will just save you the time, and give you our respect.

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Last Week’s Winner: Andy

“Bosingwa never thought his prank of replacing Abramovich’s hand lotion with superglue would backfire so horribly.”

Liverpool thrashed Brighton 6-1 in the FA Cup matchup at Anfield.  This consisted of 3 own goals topping off a very embarrassing day for the Seagulls.  The only thing that saved them from being the most embarrassing thing on the pitch was this scene from the match.  This look of shame is classic and is a perfect representation having “a few too many pints” and of the “Monday Morning Wake-Up Call” to your nearest alcohol treatment center.

So, please enjoy because this is your “Monday Morning Wake-Up Call.”

Did AC Cesena score, or is this a family reunion of a soldier who just returned from war?

The flair for the dramatic causes me to turn away from Serie A.  The league is just hard to watch.  The players are amazing, but the play, well it gives me the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as when my wife tells me that she heard of this great new movie starring Ryan Golsling.

If you don’t believe that this league is as dramatic as I think it is, then please convince me otherwise.  In the same way my dissatisfaction with movies that are classified as “romantic comedies” does not take away from the skills of the actors involved, these reasons must not discount the skill of the league, I just can’t watch it.

In an interview with ESPN, Torres came out and admitted that he must improve.  I’m not sure who he was admitting it to exactly considering everyone already knew this.  But it is nice to know that Torres isn’t so completely absorbed with himself that he realizes that 5 goals for £50M is not quite what the Blues were expecting.

“Personally, I have to improve. In my time at Liverpool there were games where I would not be playing well or I would be doing nothing but every time I touched the ball, I scored. It’s such a strange feeling now because I am feeling better than ever physically. I am not finding the chances and when I do find the chances, I cannot score.”

Right after this he went on a long monologue explaining to the reporter that the sky is blue, the earth is round, and spiders have eight legs.  I think that Torres feels if he just comes out and says that he can’t score that he will break whatever curse is over him.  It’s not an entirely bad idea either, not that he really needs to draw more attention to the fact that he hasn’t scored in the league since September 24, 2011.

Trust me, we are all watching, some in support of you and others cheering each minute that passes by adding to your drought.  He goes on:

“My present and my future are here. I have many things to do here and I want to do it because I always did what I wanted in every club I’ve been at, so this is not going to be different.”

I’m not exactly sure what he is referring to when he says “I always did what I wanted in every club I have been at”, but if I were a Chelsea player I would get Stevie Gerrard on the phone ASAP to find out exactly what that means. Clearly this is a player that is struggling mentally and it is painful to watch at times, even for those of us that think it’s a bit amusing.  It begs the following question, so a poll it is!

As the war of words continues on, Gary Lineker shows that he may be well prepared for the season veteran of the “Tweettacks” of grizzled veteran Piers Mogan. Lineker shows his wit is as sharp as his finishing as Morgan can’t resist engaging the “Twitterverse” again by lashing out at footballers.

Not sure as to why Morgan feels that this is his place, but if you review the commentary between these two, Lineker is still quick on his feet.  I say FOX or FOX Soccer hire him now, and by now, I mean right now.

Less than 24-hours after the signage at St. James Park was removed to make way for a surely to be hideous “Sports Direct Arena” glowing sign, Newcastle fan Michael Atkinson decided that he would take it upon himself to replace it.  St. James Park is an iconic name and the thought of this no longer being a part of the fabric of Newcastle has caused quite an uproar.  The removal of the sign is clearly a move for a rebranding of the entire stadium, and what some Gerodies fear will force the “St. James Park” name into the annals of history.

The signage was taken down in the middle of the day with Newcastle fans quickly taking to social media to voice their displeasure. This is where Atkinson heard about what was going to take place, so after a few pints, he decided he was going to do something about it.

“I couldn’t believe that they were doing it in broad daylight. It seems that whenever the club is doing well on the pitch, Ashley just kicks us fans in the knackers.  People on Facebook were saying someone should go and put a new sign on the stadium once it had been taken down and I thought why not. I had a few cans of lager in the house, I’d had eight cans of Fosters, so at that point I decided I was going to make a stand and speak for all Newcastle fans.”

A few cans of Lager (no name) and eight cans of Fosters (not sure why he named it) I’m sure eased the pain of getting kicked in the “knackers”. I’m glad that he had enough stability to actually write “St. James”.  Hopefully he was arrested before he got to the word Park instead of forgetting how to spell it.

Atkinson went on to say:

“I knew I was going to get arrested for what I was about to do, but I didn’t  care. ‘I’d do it again, no doubt. Ashley can’t keep treating us fans like this. He has done some good such as buying Cisse, but when things are going well, it seems that he just does things to annoy the fans. It seems that he revels in being the bad guy.”

Atkinson isn’t alone in his feelings either.  Large numbers of supporters’ groups are coming forward to voice their concern over Mike Ashely’s decisions as well.  As quickly as it went up, it was gone.  Ashely will continue to look for a deal to sell the naming rights to the stadium generating an estimated £10m a year.  While the Newcastle brass insist that this is only a temporary measure, money talks for Ashley, and that is what has the Toon Army worried.

In City’s pre-match presser Mancini was asked about comments made by Carlos Tevez where the Argentinian striker said that he was “treated like a dog”.  These comments came from an interview Tevez gave to an Argentinian television station just before he traveled back the Manchester to try and get back into City’s squad.  Not too sure what fantasy land Tevez lives in exactly, but I doubt going on television and saying that your former manager treated you like a dog is the best way to work your way back into the team.

Mancini had this to say about the situation ahead of City’s match with Porto in the Europa League:

“I don’t want to answer your question because the game is more important than this. But I answer this question and then no more, because we have this game. It is an important game against a top club like Porto. I totally disagree with Carlos, what he said, because I never treated him badly. Maybe the opposite, I treated him too well, always.”

Again this may just be a misunderstanding.  Dogs are usually treated very well.  What Carlos was saying was that he was treated well, like a nice dog.  Man, Mancini, you always have to read into the negative side of things.  Now will you let him back into the team?

When asked the “one more question” that Mancini refused to answer he caved once more.  Responding to the question about where Tevez is currently, Mancini said he is currently undergoing obedience classes at the kennel while City is in Portugal, and that he should not speak unless commanded to do so.

Who died after this latest strike?

When Aaron Ramsey scores goals, not only does he break the hearts of opposing fans, but people die.  Not just ordinary people either, famous people seem to be the target of this curse.  Below is the shocking evidence of Ramsey’s recent rampage:

• May 1, 2011, Ramsey scores -Arsenal vs Manchester United / May 2, 2011, Osama Bin Laden dies
• October 2, 2011, Ramsey scores – Arsenal vs Tottenham / October 5, 2011, Steve Jobs dies
• October 19, 2011, Ramsey scores – Arsenal vs Marseille / October 20, 2011, Colonel Gadaffi dies
• February 11, 2012, Ramsey scores Arsenal vs Sunderland / February 12, 2012, Whitney Houston dies

Who is next to fall from the curse of Aaron Ramsey?  We may not know for months considering his strike rate, but nevertheless celebrities should tune in to every Arsenal match.