Well now I’m going to ride this unicorn bitch into the sunset.

The fictional tale of “Year of the Chick” is ideal for anybody who’s ever felt out of place, or ever met a creep-face at a bar, or ever tried searching for love. In other words it’s mass appeal, but with never-before-seen kind of moments (like a tea-time family set up for arranged marriage doom). The story also includes some facts of life from the modern world we live in (like talking to a stranger on the Internet…and hoping he’s not a pedophile).

Now that this monster of a project is released, it feels like I just had a baby, except it’s measured in kilobytes instead of kilograms (PS: it will be measured in pages by December 1st, when the paperback version is released!).  Unlike a real baby though, my e-book hasn’t triggered a never-ending flow of lactation (or any lactation at all, to be clear—is this making you uncomfortable?).

So yeah, this diapered e-book baby is MINE, but if you want, it can also be yours as well.

“Year of the Chick” is book one in a trilogy. Book two is already complete in the form of a screenplay, which in the 2011 season has made it to the semi-finals or better in FIVE different screenplay competitions! (more details in the info section of my Facebook Author Page).  All of this means that 2012 will be the year of: turning a screenplay into a novel, releasing book two, and writing book three. Completion of these tasks will require a shit-ton of hours dedicated to writing in 2012.  With a full-time job. No biggie.

Please wish me luck in my continued quest to live two lives, for as long as I have to keep doing that!

Important shout-out: I’d like to plant an open-mouthed kiss of gratitude on my Toshiba Satellite A100 laptop. This old clunker got me through two hundred (and one) blog posts, two separate book attempts I eventually shelved, the creation and completion of a full-length novel, the creation and completion of a humor essays novel, and one full screenplay (and lots of porn…just kidding). I’m not even annoyed that in the last two months my laptop took it upon itself to randomly die repeatedly at least three times a week, forcing me to save my novel every thirty seconds in the final stages of completion. Not to mention that the battery is completely fried. I’m not pissed at you at all, Toshiba A100, but I will throw you out the window in the very near future, paying no mind to the bystander’s head you smash into.

Which brings me to my other important quest for 2012: save up my pennies for a MacBook Pro!

PS: thank you to anyone who ever read the various versions of my blog since 2007, and anyone who ever encouraged me on this path to publication!

Toodles,

Details for “Year of the Chick:”

E-book available now at: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Smashwords (which is compatiable with most e-devices internationally)

E-book will be available by December 1st for:  iTunes, Barnes & Noble Nook, & Sony Reader

Paperback (!!!) will be available by December 1st

It’s the smell of 2009 (along with the smell of meat-sweats I’m giving off,  in these times of eating more and showering less…don’t judge).

2009 means something else as well; it’s time to say goodbye to the “Year of the Chick”…it’s time to watch it burn.

No wait, I’m not really going to burn this blog.  On the contrary, I think I’ll keep the link alive.  And really, how could I not?  When so many people rely on this site for their creepy Google searches? (“three-boobed chicks” would be a personal favourite)

But life moves on and the earth keeps spinning, so here is my new address:

Romi:  http://romimoondi.wordpress.com

You can see for yourself what’s it all about, but let’s just say that if you didn’t know me then, you will definitely know me now…

…So thanks for your visits in 2008, and I hope you’ll come along for the brand new ride…

So did the year turn out as I had hoped?

Well, let’s see…

…I gave myself a year to find man.  Once I had him hooked, I would vault my way past arranged-marriage pressure…right?

Not exactly.

What I’ve realized now is that finding a man is only the beginning, and even though I’ve come that far, I don’t exactly see a prince.  What I do see before me is a screen full of bits, bytes, jpegs and smileys. 

Mix it all up, and you have yourself a “cyber dream man”.  Maybe it wasn’t what Disney had in mind, but holy hell I have fallen fast.

As for the tricky matter of the parents, I won’t mince words: I’m screwed.  I guess I saw it coming, ’cause even when you find a man, you can’t tell your folks until he’s ready to buy you for a dozen cows.  I’m not really sure if my Internet man has a dozen cows, nor am I sure if he’ll offer them up for a lifetime of Romi “ass”.  If that’s not expensive enough, he’ll have to pay a surcharge of a dozen goats (penalty for being a white guy).  Meanwhile the “parental-approved” bachelors keep piling up…

…So there’s a lot that hangs in the air, and it always will…until I meet the cyber guy for real (or until I’m drugged and wed to someone else).

And when we do eventually meet, I wonder what he’ll think.  I wonder if he’ll run at the very first sign of my bedtime drool (sorry, it’s a problem).  Or perhaps he’ll find it odd that I sound like a valley-girl (moreso than I do on the phone), even though I’m wayyyy super-smart.

All these things, all this excitement…all these reasons to projectile vomit.

If there’s one thing I finally know, it’s that the image in my head of  a knight in shining armour (like the one who rescues damsels on his big white horse),  is at last officially shattered…

…and I couldn’t be happier.

On a final note, 2009 will NOT be the “Year of Cyber-Love”, or anything similar to that.  I know I’d have a lot to tell, but I really need to woo him in private now (surely you understand). 

As for my blogging ways, I’ll be back in a couple of weeks, but with something a little different. 

Until then, this tired chick needs a little “R & R” (but please end the year with a bang on my behalf (and yes that pun was intended)).

PS:  To everyone who’s joined me on this horny, idealized, pathetic, and amusing ride…thanks.  Thanks for your advice, your opinions, your laughs, and even for your quiet reading.  Wow…now I’ve just puked on my laptop from being so cheesy (does anyone have a cloth and some disinfectant?…)

Through it all I’ve kept the details scarce…which brings me to some reader questions:

-Who is this guy?  Where’s he from?  What does he look like?

With all the identity fraud that floats around in cyberspace, it seems like the time to prove that he’s an actual guy (especially since I’ve been known to exaggerate (i.e replacing human encounters with trolls…but no, that was really a troll)).

Okay then; cue his picture, name, and country of residence:

…oh wait, I’m not going to do that.

I mean yes it was me who started this blog, pouring out the details of a desperate man-hunt (in that “too much information” kind of way).  But the “cyber guy”?  He didn’t sign up for any of this; he didn’t sign up to have his face all over the Internet.

And that’s why I’ll keep his identity safe (unless he decides to emerge on his own).  Whether or not that makes me a fraud, I will leave the decision to you.

Before I “wet blanket’ this post any more, there is a little something I can tell you.  It’s the “special ingredient” in the KFC…it’s the “X-factor” in American Idol…it’s the “magic” in the bra that turns my “mini boobs” into juicy ones.

It’s all the stuff that’s amazing.

So here you are, here is the “cyber guy”…

…He’s working on a really cool dream (even though he’s working 9-5 for a very demanding company).  Sometimes he’ll spend an entire weekend working on his dream.  Sometimes he’ll even skip a shower just to get things done (in the “no shower” times, I am glad that he’s a few thousand miles away (is that bitchy?)).

He’s a super-fantastic runner.  He can marathon it up like nobody’s business.  It has something to do with a slow heart-beat and a giant heart (and no he’s not making it up!)….It’s funny how it works, since I have the heart of an overweight grandpa monkey.  When I run for longer than five or six minutes, I am likely to puke on the side of the road.  So fine, maybe we won’t ever run together (or maybe we will so he can point and laugh).

He is so funny, that he can fire off jokes with the velocity of Superman on “super crack”.  I always need my A-game with him…and I like that.  He also endorses my weirdo-humour, like the kind where I make fun of random things and random people.  He’s actually pretty good at “random” too, so much so that I strongly believe we could sit on a bench and ridicule folks for hours (ahh…one of my favourite things).

He is so serious, that when the world goes wrong, he is always there to ask how it could be improved (and he is very good at living the answers).  It’s the sort of thing that helps me see the world from a wider view, and that’s how people change for the better.  His values are so strong, that he will never back down for the hollow excuse of avoiding confrontation.  I respect that.

He is so cute, that he says we’ll build a fort in front of the TV, so we can watch DVD’s all day…we already have a movie list (I made him put “Bridget Jones’s Diary” on that list…he was none too thrilled).

Oh, and here’s the bonus round:

-He is so…freakin’…hot

It was all about “the guy” who’s been on my mind, and the fact that he’s a “cyber-guy” (not to be confused with a “cyborg” from the Terminator movies…though I think he would be cooler as a “cyborg”…well I’m sorry but he would be ).

Just to refresh your memory, “cyber guy” is an actual dude, but to me he’s a dude that dwells within the thick and tangled branches of the Internet.

Anyway, back to the story of “You’ve Got Mail” (minus Meg Ryan before she got her lip injections, and minus Tom Hanks before he turned into a freak who slicks his hair back )….

…So I was laughing it up and living it up within the confines of my email inbox.  All the while I was watching a ticking clock, the one with my parents’ faces as the dial (“Are you ready to find a nice Indian boy?”).  And that’s how the year kind of went…up until a month ago.

 That’s when I recognized the “cyber guy” for the man he’d always been.  I was suddenly remembering things he’d done, but through a totally different looking glass…like the time that he messaged me for an entire day while I was stuck in bed with a crooked neck and nothing to do (how sweet)…or the time that he sent me every single song off a great CD (one slow attachment at a time), because he knew that I wanted it (aww…)…or maybe all the times that he’s been the one I’ve known for my entire life (how does he do that?)

And here’s a more current event: we talked on the phone.

The anticipation of waiting to hear his voice was incredible (in that vomiting kind of way).  By the time I heard his opening words, it was confirmed: he has a “sex god” voice.  If you’re wondering what that means, remember that he lives an ocean away…in other words he has a different accent (and did I mention he sounds like a sex god?).  As for the conversation, it certainly wasn’t awkward (phew).  No I would say it was effortless and awesome (I can barely wait to speak to him again)…

…So now that the secret’s out, and now that my heart is running away from my brain, I wonder where to go from here.  One thing’s for sure, I’ve been getting a lot more jealous.  Whether it’s the pictures of him smiling with a babe by his side, or the messages of female adulation from his “friends”, paranoia has become my new best friend.  The best I can do is know that we’re in each others lives for a reason…beyond that, there are no spoken rules.

So here we are, living two different lives on two different parts of the earth…what’s next?….Is it time to meet?

(oh, and did I mention he isn’t Indian?  So yeah, that might be a problem…(unless he dyes his hair and practices a  different accent…))