Yellow Agony

Ghost of the Valentine Past

2012-02-02T20:39:00.002+05:30

This is February already, no kidding. And February is the month of love, we all know that. Love is already in air as well as in Barber's shop [1]. Now when I'm a year older and smarter, I don't intend to post something as stupid (or as clever, depending on how you look at it) as last year's Valentine post. In fact, I'm myself enjoying it this time - for this is the closest I've come to falling in love in a long long time.

Yes, the theme of this post is love, or lack thereof, whichever goes better - but warning you here, it is not the sarcastic, romantic or angry me that you know well. There is something else I want to write about today. I've not thought about it often but whenever I have, I have always felt guilty, irresponsible and immature.

This is around April 2008. I had written my JEE & AIEEE and was pretty much having the time of my life. That was the time when internet first started consuming more hours than cricket ball - I was in grip of Orkut addiction. That is when I first met this girl, whom I shall call T, over Orkut. Who added who I don't remember really, but we exchanged a few scraps and next thing I know is I added her onto my yahoo messenger. First time we had a chat, I remember how much I flirted with her. Unlike other girls who used to dig into my flirting skills, she very brutally told me she wasn't interested and that it was hideous and disgusting for me to be flirting with somebody who expected better from me.

I learnt my lesson and behaved myself. And then we had very long conversations for three - four days. Like day long types. I never had a girlfriend, she never had a boyfriend, 18 is the age when hormones are playing football and the burn off from JEE really set it on fire. I fell in love with her, she fell for me.

And then she had to leave for Kota because she had to drop a year. We started talking on phone for hours. Mind you - we hadn't met each other okay. I know its super lame, but that is what I was. This went for a good three-four months - after which I came to IIT. I got busy with N number of things, met so many people, got crushes over a bunch load of freshmen girls. And naturally I lost interest in her. And one day I messaged her ( Yes, I din't have balls to tell her this on phone) that "Its better we both focus on our studies" or something as lame as that.

She of course din't call me back for an explanation, or cursed me or anything like that. We just stopped talking, slowly I grew oblivious to even her memories - and found somebody else who would drive me crazy. I came in contact with T only two times after that - the first when on new years I accidentally guessed she'd be invisible and chatted with her for a while (and she told me that she cried and din't eat a thing for 3 days after I messaged her as she felt guilty that her attraction had made me do bad in acads). The only other time I came in contact was when I called her on her b'day. That time she behaved very cold and angry like the early morning breeze. I knew she felt bad and cheated, that I had betrayed. I din't have to tell her I loved her if I dint, I know. Except I did until I grew out of it.

Obviously to all of you, this is no substance. You meet somebody online, exchange numbers, NEVER meet each other in person, talk for some time on phone and then lose contact, that too when you're 18. Happens, I know. There is no big deal as such, but I feel so stupid and immature when I look back. I tried to find her on Facebook and Google etc several times, with the hope that I might bring her some comfort by telling her how sorry I have been. I haven't found her yet.

[1] : I saw this written on the gate of a barber shop(which I choose not to call saloon) outside IIT : "We'd be open even on the Valentine's day. Do not forget to ask for the special offer then"

No Shave Feb

2012-02-01T23:29:00.002+05:30

Yes, you saw it right - no shave in February.
Go ahead and read more about it here. Its basically a movement started by a friend, for men to raise their voice for some cause of their own choice and show their commitment by not shaving entire February.

I am at least clean shaved today but I'm not sure if I can go along for length and spend Valentine's with grown beard. Though here is a page which is forcing me to reconsider.

My Lady Luck

2012-01-27T08:16:00.001+05:30

Last two days have been so so great for me, I can't describe how I'm feeling right now. I can identify at least 8 different awesome things that happened with me, each of which alone could make my day great. These certainly were the two luckiest days, fortunately back to back in a LONG LONG time. May be I've found her, the one who is lucky for me.

Into the wild

2012-01-24T14:05:00.002+05:30

I want to write something cool. Something so cool that when I read it back I am convinced that my life is going awesome. Do you know what is it that I want to be when I grow up? Okay I'm already 21, but lets pretend there is growing up to be done still. I would want to become Johny Depp. He is so ultra-mind-fucking cool, I want to be Johny Depp. Or Al Pacino. Or Superman, if I don't have to wear my underpants over my pants.

Maybe I should run away in the forests like the guy in "Into the Wild" did. That would be cool. But I'd get bored - for me its often human-interaction that brings the joy. Speaking of which, the chief reason I've been feeling weird is precisely this. People are behaving crazy. I honestly tried to make new friends - result - more people who block me on their chat list. At 2 in night I got a response on this app that plainly went like this - "Hello dear, you are so stupid!"

I don't share a lot with my family or even sister. I dont feel free - in front of them I've to be strong. How can I talk about my fears? And this has hardened into an attitude / habit over years. Since its final semester, most of my friends are living their life off - going out with their girl friends 5 days a week. One of them has quiet recently been charred with fire of ambition. One is plainly avoiding. I feel alone, I feel detached, I feel unloved. And I still enjoy November Rain.

A dozen times before I've referred to my posts as soul less. Not once did I truly mean it, but now I can't be sure. Of course I might say otherwise 6 months later, but then is not because I'm an unstable bastard/pathalogical liar but because reality is complicated. What we live or feel is only a ghastly shadow of true reality, whatever that is.

So yeah, ignorance is bliss.
And Revolutions 2020 is awful.
And Chitrangada Singh is beautiful.
And I'm not doing as bad as it may come out of the post.

2012-01-23T03:14:00.001+05:30

Words are only painted fire, look is the fire itself - Mark Twain

Winter is coming

2012-01-23T01:31:00.002+05:30

This is virtually second post in 23 days, that is not my usual rate, we all know that. So yes, something IS wrong.

I feel lost. I don't think about myself anymore - I think about things. About contests, about people, about places, but not about myself. I don't take out an hour each day to myself during which I'm alone doing nothing. I'm at peace, yes, but I'm not satisfied. I don't feel like writing at all. AT ALL. I wonder if I'd be able to top last year's August-October period ever.

Title of this post has something to do with a novel called "Game of Thrones". I saw its first season couple of days back. Its 9.x ish on IMDB and trust me is only better than that. Go watch it, if you're okay with seeing some blood and sex on screen. I'm gathering courage to start reading the mammoth 5 volume series. Ping me if you've a hard copy (soft copy should do as well, if you've them)

I've been attending individual programming contests more regularly than ever. And - I'm falling everywhere. I believe given my current skills, I should be around 2200 on Codeforces and at least 1800 on Topcoder but I'm a good 300 below my estimate on both. My estimates must be wrong. Probably I need to work harder.

I played cricket today with my batch mates. First match in what 4-5 years? Maybe more. And I bowled 2 overs as well. I'd like to play daily now. I felt energized and youthful after playing - shouting and running around. Yes I should play more often.

And I'm planning not to sleep tonight. Its only 1:30 AM yet and I've a class at 8.

The Potty Dilemma

2012-01-19T09:25:00.003+05:30

Okay my future blog nikhilgarg.me/blog is a bad boy. Its difficult to configure it mostly because in IIT all network ports are disabled. What it translates into is - I'd continue blogging here until I manner down the bad boy. Also dint I tell you how much I luurve it here?

So two days back I was at Priyas with a friend of mine when his car got punctured. It must've been around 9 in night. He somehow dint' have the tool kit so we couldn't replace the stephanie. Now you might remember that there is a filling station just on the main road there. So we went in there but unfortunately the puncture guy had left already. That was hardly a surprise, given how cold and mean Delhi has been lately. So any case, what the mechanic there suggested was that he'd fill tyre to 45 lbs and we can drive back to IIT befor air diffuses out. Fair deal.

So there I encountered the universal Potty Dilemma in yet another of its multiple forms. We dint know whether to drive fast and reach IIT quickly or drive slow and put less pressure on tyre!

I'm 1000% sure you too would've experienced the Potty Dilemma in some form or the other. Are you yet wondering what it is exactly? Well! Has it happened to you ever that you're fully loaded and undergoing an ultimately strong desire to go to loo, and loo is slightly far away. Now you don't know whether you should run or move briskly or walk down slowly. You might reach fast if you run but you might put extra pressure. THAT is the celebrated Potty Dilemma.

It manifests itself in various forms. Like its raining like crazy and you don't know if you should run or should walk slow. Potty Dilemma again. You've decided to take a jog because your dream girl rudely told you that you've grown a tummy and are unfit and ugly. You reached playground at 7 in the morning & decide to complete two full rounds. But when you finish one, your stamina has given up like crazy but you dont want to stop already - it'd be a facepalm to your ego. Now should you run rest of the distance running fast or just jogging slow? Yes, potty dilemma again. A slightly contrived form - you're out drinking alcohol. You don't know if you should drink quickly or take it slow. If you drink it quickly, you might require less alcohol but it might hit you so hard that you knock out of senses completely. You don't want that, do you?

Potty dilemma is so universal that some might even compare it to the god. No seriously. Notice I dint compare it to god myself. How can I, my Facebook page says I'm an atheist.

Oh yes it is supposed to be a cheap and funny post, laugh cucumber.
Aah, feels good to be back.

-
NG

The Last Post

2011-12-31T23:56:00.000+05:30

This is not only the last post of 2011, but also possibly the last post at Yellow Agony. At least, the Yellow Agony as it is today.

I'm going to shift bases. It has been a long pipe dream and finally it is happening. I'm going to shift to a personal custom blog. I would be blogging from the domain name www.nikhilgarg.me/blog from now on. I'm going to import all my posts to that soon. You please update your RSS/ Readers /Bookmarks etc. This might be the last post or I might continue posting on this URL for some more days, just to give a little longer transition period, I'm yet to decide. But anyway, I hope the new blog would facilitate the exchange of ideas between us. I also hope that the new blog would give me more freedom to express myself in a creative fashion. But most of of all, I hope all of you'd continue showing your love to me. This is my New Year present to the most wonderful readers of this world.

Happy new year folks, I'd sincerely pray to God, that in 2012, you achieve everything that you deserve and desire. Hurray :)

Earnest wishes and love,
-

NG

The penultimate

2011-12-31T23:34:00.003+05:30

I can't describe in words, the joy of having lived a time like 2011. I don't want it to end. But I'm also super excited about 2012. I've always been an even year person - all the best years of my life have been even years - 2008 & 2006. I was even born in an even year-1990. With that in mind, who knows, maybe 2011 was just a harbinger of a yet better time to come. Amen!

Anyways, I've published 109 posts in 2011 already. I don't like this number. I think the number nearest to 109 that I like is 111 - it has lot of 1's which according to numerology is my number, the number of Sun. So I've decided to write two more posts before midnight. This is the penultimate post and the last one would follow right after. Fair enough?

-
NG

Thirty lessons from 2011

2011-12-30T03:23:00.003+05:30

Another year comes to an end.
I suspect a rise in fusion activity at the core of sun causing an increased radius resulting in enhanced gravity to pull earth closer from its regular orbit. How else could we explain how quickly this year passed by?

For me, this was the best year at the college, at least by a magnanimous margin. I had so many crazy & new experiences, I learnt so much and I matured in so many ways this year. Incidentally Yellow Agony too matured significantly and assumed a typical character of its own this very year.

Here are the 30 lessons I learnt from 2011 :

Don't make plans. God will toss them around like shiny green crazy balls from your childhood that bounce a lot.
There is little point in going to a discotheque on midnight of 31st December to celebrate new year unless you got girls with you. They won't let you enter stag, no matter its 2009, 2010 or 2011. Even your finest wardrobe wont help. Though, trying won't kill you either.
Stay fit. At least run/ walk daily for half an hour. Believe it or not, your eligibility goes down exponentially with every single extra inch. And even in general on a more serious note, health is the single most important thing for each one of us.
If your dad tells you in a frantic voice that unless you turn the steering wheel towards right immediately, you'd hit the wall, do it. He knows better than you do. Both the times.
Practice often. How can you do well on Topcoder unless you REALLY desire to do so?
You can have only one of the two : a cool Linux box or a Flash player for your browser. Make your choice wisely and dont cry later.
Smoking is bad for lungs. Like really really bad.
No matter how confident you are, do prepare for interviews. Specially if they are for job and are going to decide your future.
Bhaang at Holi is NOT even one bit cool. Specially if you overdose. True story!
Goto atleast 10% of your classes. That's the easiest way to score grades. And grades DO count in the end.
Meet your old friends from school every once in a while. It might really lift your spirits up.
Take out one hour daily for yourself during which you are alone and are not messaging / browsing. Sleeping won't count.
Anna Hazare IS indeed the leader whose guidance and strength we direly need, given the current political scenario. Yeah I know, go ahead and shove this post up my ass.
Don't drink and code. I know it sounds ultra cool, but its not.
Don't drink and blog. Its not about hiding stuff. Just that you don't mean everything you say when you're high.
Don't be afraid of roller coasters and other punk rides. They're fun. You might regret for a long time if you dint go to Dr Dooms.
A chicken biryani daily would deposit beneath your skin pretty quick. Beware.
Dude. Please do yourself an urgent favor and get a smart phone ASAP.
If you've a crush on your piano teacher, ask her for a coffee before you quit her classes. Worst case she'd politely say no, you'd be embarrassed for a couple of minutes, but you'd have a story for all your life. Best case, she might be single and you two hit off and end up marrying each other. Okay not that far, but at least you won't regret it later.
Creating an extensive wishlist doesn't help if most of your real life friends don't read your blog ever. And also when they are lukkhas.
Don't hold any bias against music of any genre. Folk, Rock, Pop, Jazz, they are all great.Listen to all of them.
However, old school hip hop is the real shit. 'Nuff said :D
Christopher Nolan is a genius. Go back and watch all his movies, if you yet haven't.
Send good night and good morning message daily to at least one of your friends. Get an SMS pack in your phone.It ends up as cheap as dirt.
It the ground starts shaking due to an earthquake, don't wait to find your phone. Don't even think about completing the chat dialogue with the girl who talks interesting . Run for your life nigga.
At some point of time, you have to grow up, become wiser, learn to accept things with true heart, free yourself from fears of past, gather enough courage and- just let go. Forever.
Read AT LEAST one good novel a month.
Don't carry illegally bought alcohol and travel at 2 in night in an unknown city. Cops might come and lock you up. Just saying.
If you decide to conjure up a startup, first work on it, get it up and running and then start talking about it.
Real life is out of internet. Meet people. Talk to old friends on phone if you can't meet them. Make a lot of new real friends. Please don't tell me there are no new people around you - you go to a college dude, just look around.

You'd be missed my dear friend, 2011. Come back again some time.

-
NG

Hey Jude

2011-12-23T21:48:00.002+05:30

I feel like I'm going back to basics.

Yesterday after lunch, I suddenly had an urge and I went to this shop and bought a cosco cricket ball. I started hitting all the different walls of our verandah with it and the wall would take it on its ego and so would hit me back with an equal might and I'd dive and catch it back just to repeat the duel again - maybe with a different wall, maybe at a different height, maybe from a different angle, maybe with a different speed.

It felt so so childhood-like. So so refreshing, so much fun. Back in days, I was a cricket manic. I used to play cricket over 4 hours daily on average. And now I hadn't rolled a cricket ball in what, like 4 years? Oh children, I get why they're so happy always - they got sport in them. So today morning, I was doing this whole hitting-wall-wall-hitting-back thing, though this time in lobby. I threw a ball, it hit a canvas painting hanging on one of the walls and the painting fell down. Instead of picking it up, I started laughing hysterically. For over good 30 seconds. And then I called my mom and hugged her.

If you know me, its very very rare for me to laugh without a smart ass joke just due to shear pleasure like this. So while I was laughing, some punk figure inside my head who looked alarmingly similar to Chandler told me - "Congrats. You too can get happy. You too are normal. Ha! " and - and it made me laugh more.

Though I don't play any real sport no more, but I still do programming daily. I think thats the closest I can come to sport now - topcoder matches. So yeah, lets play, lets do better on topcoder and jump up in rating. Also today in a very long time, say exactly in one year I felt that thrill of pleasure in coding - proof being the fact that I reconfigured my templates and editor. I used vim (emulated in kate) the whole day. And I can't describe how energetic I'm feeling right now.

My stay at home, howsoever brief induces a positive change in me, and takes me back to the good old life cycle and philosophy. I luuuurve it :)

PS : I'm also getting pro at driving now. I mean you should totally watch the way I control the car. I even hit 4th gear yesterday :P

We came. We saw. We conquered.

2011-12-20T02:08:00.001+05:30

/*This is first hand description of my team Proof's victory at Asia Regionals of ICPC. You can read last year's post here. In comparison, this post is slightly more technical, less sensational and little longer, so beware*/

8:05 AM : We're standing outside the competition arena. Contest begins at 8:30. I'm filled with a strange calm and silence. Unusual for me on an important day. Pradeep & Rudy also look fairly confident. Our goal is not merely to qualify this time - we're almost sure we'd win the site. We want to solve all the ten problem. During our walk to breakfast at 7:20, I had proposed a target of solving six problems in first 2 hours and then at least 1 more per hour. Lets see how it goes.

8:32 AM : Its a couple of minutes since the official timing began, however we got our logins and problem sets just now. From here onwards, its the formula. Pradeep starts typing in the templates, I take first five problems and Rudy rest five. Problem A is simple dynamic program, with context of problem and statement wording both deeply smitten with language of fantasy novels. Its a 2D generalization of a qualifier problem. Immediate solution. But there would be nested min and max. I decided to toss it to Rudy for later. Meanwhile G is trivial. Rudy and Pradeep get it accepted. At 5 mins 27 seconds, we're the only team with a submission. We're the leaders.

8:38 AM : Pradeep has got back to template writing which was suspended briefly for problem G. I continue reading. B is simple geometry. Constraints are so weak that I could as well move over all lattice points and do stuff. But I'm sure there would be at least 1 more super trivial problem. Lets nail that first. Problem C screams of max weight matching. Edges to be created using knapsack problem. But knapsack is too large. Oh wait a second, number of items is small. Meet in middle should work. After that Min-cost flows or Hungarian. Easily doable in 15-25 minutes, but for later. Problem D reminds me of adhoc greedy/DP Topcoder Div 1 mediums which I hate so much. I don't have any immediate solution for it so I move on to E which is number theory. Extra trivial again. Considering Rudy hasn't found any other immediate problem from his set, lets code it. I with help of Pradeep finish it in 2 minutes. At 14 minutes, we've 2 submissions, though we're not at top. Incidentally however, these few minutes would be the only time of the contest when we won't lead.

8:50 AM : Rudy after fiddling a little with nested min and max, wrote down the DP expression for problem A and got it accepted. We've done 3 problems now and are at top again. Rudy & I switch programming and watchdog chairs, I start coding geometry. For a couple of minutes I'm distracted while coding, thinking about something I shouldn't have been thinking about in a contest. This one requires some basic geometry machinery like Point and area etc. Rudy and I fumble with debugging for 3-5 minutes before getting it right. At 38 minutes, we've 4 problems. Doing other 6 problems in remaining 4 hours & 22 minutes doesn't seem that bad now, does it?

9:10 AM : I've seen all other problems as well. F feels like Floyd-Warshall on only critical points and then some extra check for querying. But might get dirty. G we already got accepted. Problem H, I haven't read as Pradeep claims to have a solution already. Problem I is virtually unreadable. I wish problem setters had used less dragonish and more mathematical language instead. Problem J looks basic - some variant of BFS probably. Meanwhile Pradeep too declares that he has a solution for J - a simplistic BFS. His solution though essentially same, is slightly simpler than mine, so I let him code it while I explain it to Rudy.

9:30 AM : Pradeep has finished coding J. I tell him I don't find his code clean enough, that I've a bad feeling. At first attempt we get wrong answer. All three of us attack his code immediately and start browsing. I immediately spot a bug, Pradeep rectifies it and Rudy suggests a small sample case to check if it would really make a difference or not. It does. We submit and get accepted. 1 hour 10 minutes and 5 submissions. Not that bad, though speed has slowed down a little. Meanwhile Rudy has been claiming for over 10 minutes to have a solution for problem I. He says its some segment tree thingie. I haven't even understood the problem yet. Also he has modeled problem D as min-cost-flows with lower-bounds. This is like really really heavy duty stuff - we've never coded it, but then we know the theory. So yeah, hoping for the best.

9:50 AM : Rudy is a pro at segment trees plus we don't even know problem I so we let him code alone. Meanwhile, Pradeep starts telling me his solution to problem H. Its some sequence/substring problem. I without even listening to his solution, suggest a simpler alternative. We're convinced its correct and easy to code. Rudy declares problem I is much more complicated than what he thought it was. So we postpone his code and I start coding H. Pradeep is explaining my solution to Rudy. I declare I don't need any watchdog with this problem.

9:55 AM : Rudy convinces Pradeep that my solution to one part of H was wrong, one part was correct. They have in fact developed the correct solution already. Seemingly its the same solution Pradeep started with - I must've heard him in first place. Team chemistry is clearly on low. Lack of team practice is to blame probably. So while I give up coding chair and they start extending my half written code further, I try to understand problem I again - just to give up again shortly. Now thinking about F - its just all pair shortest path on a graph with only critical vertices. Floyd Warshall should do fine. Should I think some more on F or start coding C, the meet-in-middle-max weight thingy?

10:07 AM : I have been to washroom and back. On my way back, I've a solution to F. Meanwhile they got accepted verdict on H. We're moving strong with 6 problems in almost 1.5 hours. This is much better than my target of 6 problems in first 2 hours. We already have provably correct solutions to both problem C and D - both using min-cost flows. Now with my solution to F as well, who is going to stop us from doing all 10 problems?

10:12 AM : Pradeep is reading D and fine tuning a greedy solution. I'm explaining to Rudy my solution to F. We need to decide which one to code first - C or F. Considering we'd need to use heavy duty machinery of min-cost-flows in C, we start doing F. I start coding and Rudy sits along. Code comes out ultra clean - much much cleaner than we both anticipated. So much so, that for a moment I'm awwed by its neatness. Rudy too. But its too slow and doesn't run in time. We do a quick asymptotic check again - its going to take 10^11 operations in querying. It had to time out. Hello, what were we thinking earlier ? How could we be so immature to code & submit a problem without even checking if asymptotically its fast enough or not.

10:40 AM : Rudy has got back to coding problem I. He would soon declare that he doesn't have anything substantial, when he understands the problem better. Meanwhile Pradeep & I are trying to make querying faster for F. We essentially have some critical vertices, we find all pair-shortest-paths amongst them. For any two other vertices, we need to move over the critical vertices from both sides. Can we compress it to only one side? Can we use a clever Bellman-Ford? Can we prune some vertices ? Can we do anything? Can we prove Reimann-Hypothesis? No progress at all.

10:45 AM : I'm coming back from washroom again. And I've the solution to F. We can compress it not only from one side but actually from both the sides. A non-critical vertex only has two choices of critical vertex it could go to. I'm dying to code it. I run back and tell Rudy about this idea. Next thing I know - my fingers are beating the keyboard hard. Super rush of adrenaline. High of today's contest began with this. Under 10 minutes and we have it working. I submit it and guess what - we get a compile error! WTF!

11:08 AM : How can we get a compile error? Same code is compiling & running perfectly on our machine - and judge machine is supposed to be ditto as any contestant's machine. We're all visibly distracted by this - having not gotten a problem accepted in over an hour now. We immediately post a question to judge. I convince others that we should start coding C - and this would be taken care by ICPC authorities that they refund us our lost time by accepting the compile error submission. Pradeep I suppose is stuck between the cross of D and I. I start coding C, Rudy sits alongside.

11:30 AM : Its 3 hours. We still have only 6 submission - no solution got accepted in last 1.5 hours. Judge hasn't replied to our compile error problem. We're half way done with coding C when site director (Prof Nandan Kumar) and chief onsite judge ( Anil Kishore) come to our terminal to examine the problem. Seemingly there is a stupid warning which is causing the trouble - comparison between unsigned and signed integer! Even world finals allows such petty things. They make us submit twice while examining different sources of warnings, taking 5 minutes. We finally get our 7th problem accepted at 3 hours and 15 minutes. This compile error was bad on part of contest management. Not only we lost 45 minutes and 2 penalty submissions, we also lost our focus which was going to cost us all the more in next one hour.

11:50 AM : Problem C is ready. We submit and it throws back a Time Limit Exceeded message. We note that we din't do asymptotic checks even on this one. Not again - this is too shameful a mistake to make. Our code seems to be 10 times slower than required. Hey, but that is easy to manage. I suggest that we can replace binary search in meet-in-middle with a sliding window thing. That should do the trick and remove log factor. Rudy codes it under 2 minutes and submits. But still not fast enough. Also we spot an error that we were not sorting our subset sum arrays. That was a major bug anyway. This part of code we wrote when jury came to our terminal in association with problem F's compile error.

12:20 PM : We're trying a host of things to speed up C. We've made our min cost flow algorithm faster though Rudy points out that in worst case, it shouldn't matter at all. He is right. We also think about modifying the meet-in-middle a little to create unequal halves as number of operations done on both halves are unsymmetrical. That too doesn't work out. We're literally restless now. I'm going to washroom again, mostly in superstition as it has been lucky for me. This time however, no revelation calls. Rudy and Pradeep submitted problem C again with some changes and while I enter, I look at them from a distance and they both nod in disappointment. Must've been another TLE.

12:40 PM : Its over 4 hours. We're stuck with 7 problems only. Two of other teams - AlephNull and TuringMachine are at 7 problems too, though we are ahead in time and hence still at top. Again, who is this team - AlephNull? I can't believe it. We were going to solve 10 problems and here, if both of our competitors get a solution now, we may not even qualify. Lets start from basic again. Lets look at code from scratch. Oh wait a minute. Rudy spots a bug - we're not clearing our subset-sum vectors! Can your fucking believe it! It had to time out - no matter how much optimization we did. Add two clear statements, one each for right and left parts. And boom. We get an accepted - with 8 problems in pocket and 45 minutes yet to go.

12:45 PM: I can't believe we wasted around 1 hour due to a stupid bug in my code. This would be that if-only sad moment from this year's regionals. I later would establish the connection between jury's visit in regards to problem F and this bug. The previous bug that we corrected - sorting the left/right vectors and this one clearing the same vectors - they both are related. This is the part I was writing when jury came to us. And when they left, our attention from code had been broken and we forgot to add these lines. .

12:52 PM: Okay so what next? Problem D or I ? We know that we can solve only 1 more problem now, if at all and for that we'd need to focus all our collective attention on that. So which one - D or I ? I have read D but it doesn't appeal to me at all. Pradeep told me his greedy heuristic some time back but its too much of heuristic. He has no proof/intuition. I don't even know problem I yet. Pradeep explains it to me. Being the data-structure-person of our team, I can tell in a jiffy that its a DS intensive problem - and too bad the first time I understand the problem is when only 40 minutes are left in contest. Oops not 40 but 38. Tick tick. Turing machine has got I, so we might also get it. Nobody has got D. Not a very difficult choice between D & I, aye?

1:00 PM: For problem I, I've an idea of using 2^k jumps and precomputing some stuff. Excited I start coding it, only to realize in 5 minutes that it is wrong. I want to think about I for 5 more minutes. Rudy on the other hand is trying to remove lower bounds from his formulation of D. He infact is making so strong progress in it, that we decide to ditch problem I completely and focus on D. As we'd see later, it was a bad choice. In next 10 minutes, he has a complicated but a provably correct model without using lower-bounds. I can't believe this. I distinctly remember once discussing with him what is the class of cost functions except linear that can be managed by a combinatorial variant of min-cost-flows and both of us were convinced that there is no other function. Today he found one!

1:24 PM: We've coded min-cost flows for problem D, most backbone code copied from that of problem C. Its giving wrong answers. Time is ticking. Algorithm is correct, we're sure. Would we get it right in last 5 minutes? Breathing rates totally maxed out. Its like a race between my fingers' typing speed and our brain's thinking speed. Each one is pushing the other harder. Couple of bugs removed. Oh Rudy knows the real bug - there are multiple edges between same pair of vertices - my min-cost-flow doesn't handle that. That means a change in backbone structure itself. That's usually suicidal, but we've written the exact same thing once or twice before in some other setting, so we might pull it off. Rudy starts dictating - I'm typing brainlessly. I've lost it by now. Can't handle the nerves.

1:29 PM: Only 1 minute left. His transformation of back bone min-cost-flow is complete. It gives correct answer on first case. Without testing other cases, I submit it with around 45 seconds remaining. Without even waiting for verdict, get back and run it on other cases - it doesn't work. There are more bugs yet. And - and time is up.

1:32 PM : We've won the site having solved 8 problems. Other two teams stayed at 7 only. People are congratulating us. Why don't I feel half as alive as I did last year even after finishing second?

1:50 PM : At lunch, I started thinking about problem I again. And within couple of minutes I had a correct solution to it which would've been easy to implement as well. Okay so this is the second sad if-only moment of the day - if only I had understood the problem I earlier and given it some thought!

But all is well that ends well. At least we've algorithmic solutions to whole of the problem set now.Hurray!

Grass is always green in Goa

2011-12-17T15:41:00.003+05:30

Yeah Goa got canceled. I had my bookings confirmed for over a couple of months now. But one friend didn't get his job. Other two were on verge of getting F grade in BTP(thesis) projects unless they stayed here all winter and worked. So we called it off. I came back alone from Bombay. Now I think grass would always be green in Goa.

My last two novels have been small, simple first attempts by Indian Females. Some time back I read a novel called "Vague Woman's handbook" and last night on my flight back to Delhi I was reading "(In)Eligible Bachelor". I loved reading it. A perfect novel for a light read to be finished in a couple of hours.

Also, I think one matures when he learns to use the local travel of the city independently. I finally used Bombay local independently this week for the first time. I also drank white rum though it wasn't a first. What was first however is the fact that I lay down on a cement stones' pile in IIT Bombay at night after getting drunk. Interesting. That reminds me somehow though don't ask me exactly how, I should get a girl friend this semester. For real.

Also oh I almost forgot to tell, we did kick ass coding in Amritapuri and made a pretty fucking convincing victory this time. We were on leader board for all but 5 minutes of a 5 hour contest. And now I'm going to Warsaw and take it from me, I'd definitely be the first India to win a medal, this year. That is not a matter of debate.

Kerala (again) 2011 - part 1

2011-12-11T09:09:00.001+05:30

Dec 11, Amritapuri
I just finished my breakfast. Now sitting in the main auditorium for the inauguration ceremony and while I write this, the flavor of the special corn flakes from the morning flood my mouth. They have this recipe of corn -flakes in which they put in lots of dry fruits and some other things that I don't recognize and its the yummiest breakfast ever. So much for my first morning at my second trip to kerala this year!
Pradeep is busy fiddling with his camera. He even shot us while folks out here were putting a conventional sandalwood tilak on our forheads. And Rudy is probably still thinking about the ultra cool science fiction -cum -fantasy discussion we were having at breakfast. Wait till I write a more optimistic version of The Last Question!
Anyway just a lazy day ahead.
Let me catch you later.

Its galla time baby!

2011-12-09T09:27:00.001+05:30

So 'nuff of meaningless hassle already. Its that point of my life when I should stop worrying and do something truly fun. So here I am - blogging :)

I'd leave for Kerala tonight. My fourth visit to Kerala in three years. Boy don't I love it there? I'd have Indian regionals for ACM-ICPC at Amritapuri University. Last year we went there as underdogs.This year Proof is undisputed champion. So naturally there is a level of intrinsic confidence but seeing my luck over last few days, you never know. But but but - if we do qualify, good news is that the world finals would be in Poland. And so I'd get a chance to make a whole Euro-trip. Did I just hear a woot?

After that I'd go to Mumbai for a couple of days, meet some family and friends. And then I'm off to Goa where I would join my other friends coming straight out of Delhi ( Very NWA, straight outta Compton feel, no ? :D ) Though I'm not attending Sunburn and technically won't even be staying for Christmas, one week just before that. For all I know, I'd spend my Christmas in train back to Delhi with some of my best friends, probably playing poker. I think, I better start packing my bags already.

So next 15 some days, oh its galla time baby.

Something in the way again

2011-12-06T21:34:00.001+05:30

I'd put in a lot of quotes in this post, just beware. And I'd start with my recent favorite one - "If you want to make god laugh, tell him about his future plans". I wrote this very quote on Yellow Agony several months back and its second time in my life I can connect with its every single letter. When I sat in for placements 5 days back, I had only two guide principles in my mind :

I stay in India at any cost
I leave software world and goto finance

There were epsilon chances of me not making through the firm I wanted to go to-everybody knew it, even that firm - they even called me the previous evening to ensure I'm joining them. Result? Next day, I had such a terrible time interviewing that I cried the following morning. My parents had warned me two months back of "Rahu's Mahadasha". Doesn't matter. What matters really is that now finally I AM going to USA for a giant SOFTWARE firm which we'd call 'EM' just for the sake of secrecy. I had everything chalked out - number of zeros in the monthly pay check, when would I buy my own flat in Gurgaon, how big my first car would be, where would I spend my holidays. I had even planned what would be my Facebook status when I'd get through. Everything was planned. But the plan failed. I dint want it to fail but it did. God had his pack of mid day laugh. I cried. And the rest of the Earth, well it did not stop rotating.

Now I think God has his own vision for me, his own plan. A couple of days into it and I already regard it as a divine intervention to give my life a higher purpose. Speaking of which I'd like to congratulate three of my friends for reasons, special and unique to each of them which I'm not disclosing here. It basically has something to do with their placements. Ankur Dahiya, Rudradev Basak and Nikhil Garg(Yes a friend of mine has exactly the same name as me. Balls?) I'm proud to have you as my close friends and I've learnt plenty from each one of you.

Also I'm going to start blogging at a website named on my own name (Savy captain? :P)

Oh and I just recalled I had to put in a lot of quotes. Well the post is almost over and I haven't done that yet so lets skip it but I wanted to sprinkle here and there some gazals. Maybe I'd write more on it.

Till then, love etc.

-
NG

PS : Shammi ji, Jagjeet ji and now Devanand sahab. Gods must be really angry. Or that the world is ending in 2012. Right Rajat ?

Relapse & recovery

2011-12-02T23:50:00.001+05:30

So I've entered a new phase of life though not as smoothly as I imagined. I got a few job offers last night, though not from the couple of places I wanted to go so dearly. I was rejected and it wasn't easy to accept this rejection. See I have faced rejection before - from scholarships, tests, people. But this was the worst of them all. Not only did it mean that I wasn't getting my favorite job, it also meant that my confidence and ego were going to jump from the 112th floor of a building and not even crashing over the expensive BMW parked in the street but dying sheepishly like a coward midway of fall by a heart attack. That too when I was at the peak of my self confidence and had no iota of doubt in my own ability. So yeah last 2 days have been phenomenally difficult for me.

I am doing a little okay today. Finally getting a more unbiased wholesome prespective. The jobs I've got aren't bad. Some might even call them awesome. Infact today I was looking for reasons to not have chosen such job before and I couldn't find any. I think I was too closed. Too tight. I probably wanted to get away with the decision hassle, din't want to step into the uncertainty zone. Take a path which is convenient and tried tested. e.g I was paranoid that I don't want to move out of the country come what may. So blame it on the internal defense mechanism in me for writing this but I think I can already begin to understand the good side of December 1 activities.

On a side note a friend asked a very casual question - if he was making the right choice in choosing the firm he chose. That set me thinking what is the meaning of right choice. I know we've all pondered upon this question that what is it we want from life, at least a gazillions times each. But this time it was different. It was like real. Like I understood the question for the first time. Like my thought process mattered. Like it wasn't bookish bromide scattered around but more experienced wisdom talking which had the power to make a difference to my life.

And I tell you what-I couldn't see anything when I tried to think what is the job I want to be doing 3 years from now. When I told this to him, he said a cool thing that I never believed but now this is one thing I so closely saw in those few hours when everything was going hay while. He said no one wants to do anything at all. All they want is to be happy. And then he gave me his list of to-be-happy-ingredient-list. It had almost nothing to do with the work/industry you're in. I think he is right. Its mostly in the head what we make out of things and what we dont. After all it just boils down to deriving that inner satisfaction.

What is that inner satisfaction? Want me to spell out everything for you, don't you?

Surviving survival mode.

-
NG

Calm down. Calm down. Caaaaaaalm dooown !

2011-11-30T23:24:00.001+05:30

All the 21 years, 3 months and 2 days of existence of my little self were probably spent in preparation of only one day and that one day is tomorrow. Okay its a fancy and exaggerated way of saying that I'm sitting for my campus placements tomorrow and - I'm hyper right now. I know I need to calm down but how can I do that - knowing that hopefully by this time tomorrow, I would've entered a different phase of life.

If you really love me, why don't you pray for me?

See, told ya

2011-11-24T23:56:00.001+05:30

Real short. Here is a study that gives cognitive proof that my classically legendary post on hot names wasn't rubbish after all. Huh!

Satanic Drive

2011-11-21T22:45:00.001+05:30

I've had more time for myself this lazy semester and I've been thinking about stuff. And you know, I've realized a lot of things. One of them is that there is indeed no spoon. The other is I both have an abominable interest and talent for writing. Okay not so much of the latter, but any case I've decided to take it a little more seriously and rise above the usual rambling mode of Yellow Agony. So I've started a new blog that goes by the name of Satanic Drive. I plan to put more refined, matured and serious writings there - mostly stories. In fact it'd be a joint collaboration with Ms Harsha Malhotra, a close friend who also happens to share the passion for writing. And - boy, she can write.

As you can notice this new blog is on word press - yeah, I'm going pro baby. What you should also notice about Satanic Drive is this post. Yes - IT IS an adaptation of a recent post at Yellow Agony which you might have read. Go through it and don't skip any portions thinking you've read the original post. I've rewritten it completely to transform it from a real life incident narration to a fictional story. Hopefully its more focused, sharper and entertaining now. Tell me what you think- I'm really excited about writing it.

And here is your homework - put Satanic Drive on your reader, subscribe to feeds, follow or do whatever, but just keep showing your love. Its a critically tender stage for the writer inside me. And we all know how critical love is in nurturing a child.

Cheers for exams etc.

-
NG

An Unusual Walk

2011-11-13T05:56:00.001+05:30

November 13, 2011

5:56 AM - So I disconnect the phone, text her saying I'd talk to her in the day, walk back from balcony to the lab on the same fourth floor and start writing this blog post. Maybe she'd feel bad, but I did what I had to do. I'm sure she too won't be able to sleep today, very much like myself. I convince myself, I'm not responsible for that.

5:45 AM - I look around to see another human figure in the corner. Probably a girl. I feel confused and distracted - how long has she been there. Do I know her? What if its who I thought it was for a split second ? I've lowered my volume but I'm certainly not in my full calm. I don't remember what all did I talk on phone after that. You can call it whatever you want. If I try harder to remember, all I get is a hazy feeling that she was telling me something about me being a loner and little too matured for my age. I can't possibly be entirely sure.

5:30 AM - I've stopped walking now. My phone is no longer in my hand but in my pocket. Still standing at the balcony, still staring at the light coming out from north, hoping to identify its source, deep inside knowing that I'm not really looking & trying hard enough. I just told her that I'm a pathetic singer and how I was embarrassed in front of my class when I was in class 3 for singing the song "Apun bola tu meri laila". She knows my piano teacher was very hot - must've been reading my blog regularly. Good tastes on her part. A bit relieved to know that she herself is terrible at music. She likes writing letters, not emails but hand written letters on paper, that too only in blue or black ink. I aint written one ever. Interesting! I suggest that she can write one to me and I'd reply her back. Though I'm doubtful she would.

5:20 AM - Her friend's phone balance got over 10 minutes back after which I called her up. Her voice is so much clearer now. She sounds less sleepy. Did I wake her up? Should I feel guilty? She complains I speak too much. While I tell her I do so just to ensure conversation is going on & things stay jolly but otherwise I prefer peaceful silence, she starts laughing. For a moment I get distracted and start thinking about the winning strategy of Alice. Should I feel guilty about not giving her my full attention? The view here is beautiful. Its cold out here but peaceful. She tells me how she likes when people sing for her. Tells me how he sings for her often. One moment, I feel like puking at this overdosed romanticism, while at the next, I'm beginning to understand the concept of romance, remembering my own days - all of them. I think they make a cute couple together.

5:00 AM - I tell her I too have grown up going to roof every now and then, though not for crying like her but for star gazing. I lied. I mean I was a star gazer as well, I also remember whenever I got angry or sad to the point of crying, I used to go up and cry alone. My dad would find me eventually and would cheer me up in the end. I dint tell her this - not because I dint want to or because I dont trust her with such personal details, but mostly by an automatic response. I've become too much of a privacy freak lately. I figure at some ponit of time in last 2 years, I started asking more and telling less. But I get nervous when I lie. So instead, to cover up my nervousness, I tell her how I would go to roof at nights to talk to my first girlfriend, very much like now. Only difference being I'm talking to my friend's girl friend who herself is a very dear friend. And - beep. Her phone goes off.

4:45 AM - While I'm standing outside the gate of Bharti building, I'm trying to remember why would I come here at this hour. Can't answer myself yet. I throw the empty tea cup from Lipton in a trash can by the gate and go up. Its significantly warmer in here. No cold breeze, no smell of wilted grass. Some might even call it cosy, I'd call it stuffed - blame it on my mood tonight. Hopefully balcony would be fresher. Maybe I should get back to coding. Maybe not. I feel very lyrical. I am now seriously thinking about writing a blog post on abstract thoughts that circled my mind while walking. My phone rings - its an unknown number.

4:30 AM - I've just crossed Kumaon and reached Lipton, though I dint plan on it. I take the ear piece out of my earlobes, and ask for a cappuccino. They're short of supply so I'd have to settle with a cardamom tea. The exchange student gives me a brief stare. French probably. I sense he is unsettled by the loner circling aimlessly at 4:30 in morning with his earphones blaring while he is sipping on his tea.Or may be he is trying to guess who is it that I'm listening to. I continue sipping unaware of the sound it is making. A truck unloads near Shivalik. Irrelevant. Some invisible force makes me turn towards the academic area instead of going back to the hostel. I feel like a puppet to this force. What can I possibly do there again ?

4:10 AM - I'm walking really slow. Even the old professor on an early morning walk with his really short wife overtook me. I've reached Nalanda grounds but instead of going back to Nilgiri, my hostel, I start another round of walk. Some song by Jal has just faded. I really can't tell which one - all I can tell is that the sound of airplane when it ended was very distinctive of tonight and I'm in front of FX right now, thinking about the Baby step, giant step algorithm for discrete logarithms, wondering what else can come out of it. One thing is certain already - my casual walk has already turned into a long night.

3:40 AM - I don't understand why Alice wins. What is the winning strategy I cant see. Disappointed, I enter an online typing race. First race sees me type over 80 words per minute. My phone beeps. Its her. She often sends me a late good night message. Tells me how she'd like to go to the place where guys in five point someone drink vodka. She has told me this before I think. Not sure. I anycase decide to wrap up and call it a night. Quickly type exit command on the terminal. Carry my phone, unwrap the ear piece and plug it in my ears. While I do so, I wonder if there are nanobots in my own pocket too who entangle the ear piece chord. I remember seeing a comic strip on this. Anyways, I think if she's awake I can call her. I won't be able to sleep now, its too late already and I'm still fresh. She sounds very drowsy, though she continually claims she is not. I tell her I'd call her in morning & disconnect. She is a very lovely girl. It must be easy to fall in love with her. Speaking of which, every single late night I walk back from the lab, I can't help but fall in love with the yellow carpet of light tastefully laid down on the road just outside Bharati building, the smell of wilted leaves coming from the playground diffusing through the air and sound of a multitude of crickets crawling tirelessly. I love IIT campus at night. Hey, I could write a blog post on this. How about tonight itself?

3:20 AM - Time limit exceeded again! Why is my program not running in time? Could I make it run faster ? I'm beginning to exhaust my patience already. Its a neat piece of code - fast too. But not fast enough. After spending over 1.5 hours trying to make it run in time, I give up. I have mailed problem statement to a friend who is better than me with these things. Hopefully he'd get a faster solution. I'm tired so I goto balcony for once to relax. Its so fresh out there. I drop a good night message to a friend who complained a couple of days back that I've not been regular with my goodnight message service lately. After this, I come back to the lab again to look at another problem from scratch. Its a game problem, Alice and Bob are playing some game as usual and I've to tell who has a winning strategy. Hmm, lets see.

1:20 AM - I can't sleep. I've slept the whole day. Internet in hostels is jammed already. A little chat with my BTP partner has almost convinced me that our algorithm in our BTP might not be correct really. I any case don't want to think about it tonight. Everybody else is asleep. What to do ? Should I go to the lab? I would get internet there. But its a long walk at night. I just have had a heavy dinner, so yeah, walk would be really good. Good music at such a walk feels great. Though today I decide to play neither rap nor metal. They're too strong. They don't let me fall in my own thoughts- they own me, my brain's thought facility. So I start the walk while listening to old Hindi classics. Badan pe sitare, Jhumka gira re, pyase do badan. They turned out to be too weak - I stayed in my own mind all the 15 minutes of walk. What could be something midway? Maybe Jal ? I should take a mental note.

12:30 AM - Both of my solutions pass the system test. Yayy! I must make a good over 100 point jump in rating today. Though it was the day of terribly stupid and costly mistakes, all is well that ends well. Maybe topcoder doesn't hate me that much anymore. So now what next? I think food. My friend is on phone with his girlfriend so I'd have to eat alone. The standard part of my order - 1 Maggi & 1 Paneer paratha stays even tonight. In the variable part, I order 1 egg paratha. I dont know why, but baby step giant step algorithm is not going out of my mind. I've a little idea about our BTP, I should go tell my BTP partner about it. He luckily is from the same hostel as mine. By the way, paneer paratha today is extra crispy and yumm.

7:50 AM - I am writing in present right now, about to publish this post. It has gone incredibly long. Anyways, this was me trying to pull of a Nolan, with a non-linear narration of last night. I leave it upto you to assess the amount of fiction content in this post. Hope you enjoy reading it, tell me if you do. By the way, did you know even Prestige and Batman Begins were made by Nolan? He is a true genius.

The wunderkinds

2011-11-09T20:12:00.000+05:30

I love watching movies but I don't know people. Like I love character of Batman or James Bond but I don't know who play them. You're obviously out of your mind if you expect me to remember people like directors, cameramen, writers etc. But but but - but I saw Memento recently. Yeah I know a few years too late but the point is I had a real adrenaline rush towards the end. Literally. Without an iota of doubt I'd rate Memento in my top 3 movies ever : other two being Dark Knight and Inception. Observant readers might have noticed how all three share their director. So anyway, this last weekend I happened to see another short & weird movie called Following and I swear, in last 5 minutes I knew it had to be Nolan. I verified and I was right. Nolan is plain genius.

Though as a side note on Memento : I really wonder how powerful conditioning actually is with regards to our memory. I think we all carry with us our own versions of reality daily. We perturb memories so that we end up remembering things different and in the end it becomes rigid and we forget our conditioning effort. Think about it. How are you going to remember the latest important incident ?

But do you know who else is the wunderkind ? Eminem of course. Really how many people can rap over 70 words in 10 seconds without losing clarity or diction or rhythm?

And all girls are super women. How else can you in 5 seconds, looking at feet of a random passer by walking briskly, claim that she had a pedicure done. That too the French one. I am amazed at shear observation skills. I should try to live less in my own mind maybe.

Anyways here is a form you could fill up for me. Its for a course and you can help me with it by giving your response latest by tonight :)

-
NG

PS : I totally love Gmail's new look. Terminal theme is super cool. What do you think ?

Update : Thanks to thechemicalengineer for pointing out that Nolan is also the director of The Dark Night. Updated it in post :)

Confessions of a three headed monster

2011-11-05T00:25:00.001+05:30

Confession # 1 :
There is no three headed monster. It was just a flashy title to add some zing & draw enough people to actually read this post. Though I think it worked, I'm not sure if its 'pristine' on my part to care so much about appreciation.

I love to write blogs still I need people to read them.

Your comments inspire me, why shan't I need them?

Confession # 2 :
I don't think I can ever understand music. Notes & octaves just don't like me. So I've left piano classes already. Somewhere deep down inside I'm afraid that I would never be able to gather enough courage to give it a shot again.

His idea of passion is immensely simple.

He only does stuff that he can and

later pretends this is all what he is into.

Confession # 3 :
I was born a techie and I shall remain one forever. There is a fat chance however that I would take up a finance job.

We tread forever to leave whole world behind us

Why then on judgment day, we choose gold minus

stairway to heaven. We just let the cash blind us !

Confession # 4 :
I just don't understand the concept of romantic/sexual love. I only understand pure friendship and pure lust. How do these two mix, I don't understand.

I am sure I could be the sincerest well wisher you ever had.

How can it change with sex which anyway is for my gonad.

Confession # 5 :
I'm irritated with feminism to the point that I almost talk like a male chauvinist. I believe feminism like any other reservation mechanism is helping entirely wrong set of people.

Can you yourself be sure if it is really you or just that its a pink day.

You really faced oppression ever or were lucky to be born this way.

-
NG

PS:
This is 250th post to be published on Yellow Agony(excluding 9 unpublished drafts). Hurray!

Update : I have restated confession # 4 to enhance clarity of expression.

Diwali and other things

2011-10-27T01:09:00.000+05:30

I dont think I'm too late yet - still 3 more minutes remaining before Diwali ends. At least they were when I wrote previous sentence. So before everything else, I wish you all of you folks a very happy Diwali. Hope you had a real good time. Or something like that.

Anyway I figured why firecrackers look so beautiful. That is because smoke makes a dense background screen and you see all the lights on top of that. Pretty much like that old tattered cloth in back of puppet show you saw on your school trip to Jaipur. This dense smoke screen cuts off the background and lets your senses focus. You love the light because you see nothing else. This is what I observed today about smoke - for the first time in 21 years. That too while holding a broomstick that caught up some serious fire flames kindled by a spark that originated in fire cracker show going out in the street. Damn fire, it really burns.

But wait I observed more about smoke. I realized I totally love the smell of the smoke, at least I did until it became too omnipresent for me to feel any longer. I've a weird olfactory sense, the other day while talking to a friend I realized how I find petrol smell delicious. Delicious, of all the things! Every other strong spirit smell from kerosene to distemper paint - oh they all own me. Here is a pointer to all the females trying to draw my attention - smell good and you got me hexed. In fact the only thing that has the potential of drawing me into smoking full time is smell of burning tobacco.

Anyway an aunty complimented me a couple of hours back by saying - "You could be next him. Ermmm - one who just died". I later figured she was referring to Steve Jobs and it was an intended compliment indeed. Of course she doesn't know a lot about him or me either for that matter but it felt great. At least much better than it does while you're wrapping up a string of crockery items to be given as Diwali gifts to all those people whom you don't give a tiny fuck about. So much for the Diwali theme.

I figured I'm a very shy and an old fashioned person. Conservative is probably a better word. Like I just can't ask my little cousins or juniors if they got a girlfriend or not. Or if they started drinking already or not. I have great female friends about whom I don't know if they got a boyfriend or not. Its so tough to jump out of skin and talk about things that my adults never talked to me about. Not that I'm complaining. Just stating as a matter of fact. Actually come to think of it it, now they've started talking to me about these things. Every single relative & neighbor keeps telling my mom - "Oh he is in IIT. You don't need to find a girl for him. He'd choose one from IIT himself." And they then ask me while making their stupid naughty-gossip-face - "So punk, you got one already?" And every time this pops up all I can do is fake a sheep smile & tell them - "Oh I'd let you know before anyone else. After all I'd need your approval first. "

And you know the worst part of it - my parents probably DO expect me to introduce them to somebody on my convocation. Put IIT's sex ratio on top of that - mayn, thats a truck load of pressure right there. In fact if I tell them I don't got no girlfriend whom I plan to marry, they might as well think of me as a loser and tell me - "Oh you aren't good enough for even that!" Gosh, I'm 21 for fuck-sake. I dont understand why our Indian adults just understand only four milestones in life :

Getting into college
Getting a job
Getting married
Making babies

Whatever happened to other important milestones like - first masturbation or first night out or first love or first kiss or second love or first fail grade or third love or first drink or first cigarette or first poker game or first joint or first bike etc etc ?Aye captain, life is short. Whatcha gonna do? Don't waste no time. There is just too much to live and experience and put a check mark on. I sincerely hope you too are living enough of it daily. God knows, I might even pray for you.

With warm Diwali wishes,
Lets put a smile on that face.

-
NG

PS:

Just in case you dint notice, I was going furiously sarcastic on smoke and pollution. I aint touched no cracker in years. I appeal same to each of you.
I can also write about happy things like daffodils and bees if required. So don't give up on me already.
I feel like this is my 'blogasm' in several weeks. Aah god, it feels naaice.

In which I don't sleep

2011-10-16T21:14:00.002+05:30

I've been coding for 40 hours continuously now having slept for 5 hours in past 65 hours. I'm disclosing it today on this blog - I'd decided to go for a start up some 4 months back when I was in Bangalore. Read this post. Though after coming back we stopped working on it. However as a part of Yahoo Hack you, we restarted it some 40 hours back. And in 24 hours, we went from a "Coming Soon" on our website to a fully functional sexy & sophisticated web application - a feat I can't believe myself yet.

So here is the pencil. There are still some bugs in code, we need to fix all that and do some more artistic work with UI. After that we'd be releasing our product called "Hisab" in first week of November. Wish me luck for that.

Exhausted but proud,

-
NG