yellow bird knits

recent developments.

2011-03-03T23:36:00.002+01:00

last week, i received an email from the school i recently applied to, my first choice fashion design school. and they accepted me!! i have been accepted into the bachelor program at the International Fashion Academy of Paris. i am overjoyed, completely and totally. there are still a lot of kinks to be smoothed out, a lot of work to be done, and my return to paris is still unsure. but the hard part is over, the only thing that stands in my way is money! and though that is a very big obstacle, the fact that i have even come this far is heartening. at the beginning of the year, i returned to america, armed only with a plan. i was going to learn how to sew extensively to the point of making a portfolio and use that portfolio to apply to a school. and in two months, i accomplished that. i increased my sewing skills a hundredfold, i created a portfolio, and i got accepted. no matter what happens now, i know i can do this. and that knowledge is an amazing comfort.

it is still hard for me to believe how great my life is, and how truly blessed i am. i am a smart, talented, and strong woman who is capable of so many things. and even better, on top of those base characteristics, i have been given so many opportunities, an unbelievable amount of opportunities. more so than the average person, and i am aware, and grateful, of that fact. i am not a religious person, instead, i thank my family, the sacrifices they have made and continue to make, and the decisions they made for me during my childhood.

now i still have to find a job. desperately, i need a job. but i wrote my resume today and will begin to send them out as soon as they are finalized. and i have designed nine pieces for the first collection in my store! i hope to have them up and for sale by april, just in time for spring and summer. but here is a sneak peek of a shirt prototype i have already made!

and i recently found a great site, burdastyle.com. its like ravelry, but for sewing!!

yet another change!

2011-02-23T09:40:00.000+01:00

but at least this one is a progression.

this is a very personal blog, one ive had for years. ive discussed friends and family, relationships, and very personal situations. ive grown to have a rapport with you readers, one i dont want to lose.

so this will not be my business/fashion blog. this will remain my 'knitting' blog, i dont want to change anything about the chemistry of this blog, and i dont want it to be made public.

i know what youre thinking, "this isnt public??" but no its not, this blog resides in a tiny little knitting niche of the internet world. its open to people i love and trust: fellow knitters, not customers.

and id like to keep those things separate. im not excluding you, i am extending an open invitation to my new blog, im just not extending those readers an invitation here!

so here it is, the unprepared debut of my new endeavor, Yellow Bird. im still trying to figure everything out, nothing is ready. most of the designs arent even finished (yet they are begun!) but i figure i can share this part of my life with you guys, even if it is a little premature. my aunt told me that i need to create everything under my name now, before someone else does. so though these things wont be up and running for months, maybe even years, they exist and are wholly mine!

my website
my facebook page
my tumblr
my etsy
my email

i think ive decided that i just like all these new technology things, although a website is much harder than i expected. my dad signed me up for a website creation class at our local art center. hopefully that will help!

and still no news from the school, hopefully ill know soon!

my first ever photoshoot.

2011-02-18T08:25:00.000+01:00

well, yesterday marks two months in america and i just had my first photoshoot last weekend! technically, its not my first collection; its more of my portfolio. i did use patterns for some of the pieces, and none of them are for sale! im using this to apply for fashion schools in paris, rather than start a business.

im applying to one school in particular, called IFA. they are my first choice, and yesterday i sent my application in to them. i am unbelievably nervous, they are the perfect school for me. and i hope so badly they will accept me. i did everything i could think of, i worked so hard on this portfolio and my essay. the decision now rests in their hands.

the making of this portfolio was a wonderful process, one i enjoyed immensely. i had the most trouble with the original drawing of my designs, though i am told that gets easier with practice. my favorite part was actually cutting the fabric and creating the patterns themselves. i had to decide how large to make the pattern pieces, how to construct the garment (there are so many options!) and i spent hours drafting pattern after pattern on newspaper until i eventually graduated to newsprint and had a lot less trouble.

but although the act of designing and sewing was fun and something i really loved and enjoyed, the most satisfying moment, the moment of true pride, came when i first saw my model in MY clothes. to see a woman wearing my clothes and seeing them actually fit, actually look good, actually look real was an indescribable feeling. regardless what happens with ifa, with my plans to return to paris, i will never forget the moment when i saw my model in my clothes for the first time and realized that i did it. i set out to design clothes, and i did.

location: the arts district, phoenix az
model: dena nicole brooks
photographer: tressel holloway

ONE: romper

my own original design.

romper is made from both a lightweight knit material, and a pinstripe crepe material.

features a bow motif on the front, with matching side pockets.

halter neckline, with ties.

elastic casing in the waistband and back.

TWO: gathered shorts

my own original design.

made from a lightweight knit fabric.

features a high waist band, with gathers.

side pockets on the front and high pocket flaps on the back.

one-inch cuffs around the legs.

a zipper fly.

THREE: blazer

modified from an existing pattern.

made from a woven houndstooth.

added a grey lining, on the inside of the body and the sleeves.

added reversible cuffs.

FOUR: button-up blouse with ruffles

modified from an existing pattern.

made from a cotton blend.

decreased and rounded the size of the sleeve caps.

lessened the amount of ruffles.

FIVE: pleated shorts

my own original design.

made from a cotton material.

high-waisted shorts with a pleated waistline.

side pockets.

a button-up fly.

SIX: manu cardigan

followed the manu pattern almost exactly.

knit from an aran wool blend.

knit from the bottom up, short-row yoke construction.

features gathers on the shoulders, sleeve bands, and pockets.

boasts garter-stitch detailing.

SEVEN: horizontal-ribbed cardigan

my own original design: pattern written by me. sort of blogged about here, but not really.

knit from a dk weight merino wool.

horizontal ribbing edging; alternate rows of stockinette and reverse stockinette.

knit from the top down, raglan yoke construction.

now, i did not sew the two tshirts! those are store-bought!! the light grey is from h&m, and the dark grey shirt came from a flea market in thailand.

i decided on the name of my eventual line, and i doubt any of you will be surprised. yes, it is "yellow bird". because i have found it! i found my yellow bird, the thing ive been searching for, the thing that defines me and fills my thoughts and drives my day. it's designing clothes, it's making clothes, it's fashion. my blogroll is full of fashion blogs, and my desk is overflowing with international fashion magazines (l'officiel and russh are my favorites) and my facebook newsfeed is overrun with fashion posts from my many recent likes.

as i start out, id like to be an independent high fashion designer, who makes good custom clothes at more affordable prices. but i plan to eventually get into limited edition pret-a-porter, and have multiple lines. i want of course a mens line and a womens line. but id also like two more lines for mixed genders: a line that fits more than just one body type and isnt screen print tees. and the one im most excited about, an eco-sustainable line. apparently, i plan to be very big. i dont want to be famous, though. i have no desire for fame. i simply want to make clothes for people.

ive bought my website, just to preserve the domain name! its yellowbirdcollections.com, and once i can figure out this PHP or PTP or whatever its called, ill put the photos up! (any help in this area would be greatly appreciated, im not as tech savvy as id like.)

but my more immediate plans? im hoping to get accepted to this school and move back to paris this summer. while in school, romain thinks i should create an underground independent fashion line for the parisian youth (he means the twenty-something year olds who go clubbing every night). i agree wholeheartedly, except id like to open up a small online shop with some menswear as well. then once ive graduated and after ive interned for a while in one of the big fashion houses, ill have enough of a base to open a real store. and as long as im dreaming, itll be in the marais...

but it doesnt do any harm to dream, right??

name change!

2011-02-08T05:08:00.001+01:00

the name of my blog has changed to "yellow bird collections". although, after some difficulty, the url will be remaining the same. you can still reach me at yellowbirdknits.blogspot.com

ill be back with a real update in a couple of weeks!! im busy busy busy.

the beginning of a brand new adventure.

2010-12-09T21:32:00.001+01:00

as i mentioned in my last post, i lived in ireland for two months. my lease in paris ran out, right when my french student visa expired. i needed a place to live, and to plan, because i wasnt quite ready to return to the states just yet. my friend aoife was up for the challenge. she had recently moved into a three-story house fifteen minutes outside of dublin. she asked her new flatmates, and they agreed i could stay as i long as i pitched in for garbage collection and propane for the stove. i instantly agreed. so i brought my tiny backpack, packed with warm weather paris clothes and showed up on aoifes dooorstep. it was then that she told me the tiny little hiccups: one, ireland was COLD. two, we didnt have a room yet, we were living in the laundry room. the laundry room had one queen bed, an armoir, a washer plus dryer, and literally nothing else, if you dont count the mold and snails that came in from the broken window above the bed. i couldnt complain, i was living there for almost free. but it was a little depressing after the charm of being called 'daz', a form of laundry detergent, wore off.

but the house, and the people in it, were amazing. the rooms (yes, even the laundry room) were large and run down, exactly how i like them. it reminded me of the place i lived while in brooklyn; an artists squat. grafitti drawings, and mural paintings covered the walls. it was a completely inspiring place to be.

it was there that i met lynn macpherson, of salty philip. during my brief time in ireland, i worked under her. i learned a lot working under her and was inspired to finally pursue a career path that i had recently begun mulling about in my head. lynn was a scottish designer, living in ireland, fresh from berlin where she had owned her own shop. lynn made eco-sustainable designs only, something i would eventually like to incorporate. on top of that, lynn was only twenty-four. she had owned two shops, and had a studio i was in awe of. these are some pictures from her photoshoot from her most recent collection. the professional ones can be found on her website, linked above. lynn is the one with an umbrella.

ireland is full of artists doing what they love. granted most of them are on the dole, an irish form of welfare, it is nonetheless inspiring. being around lynn and seeing her working, not only showed me it was possible but got me excited to start my own career in fashion.

being with this girl helped too. in case you dont recognize her, thats kulka from ravelry, her blog here. after blogging back and forth for years, i finally met her last year my first time to ireland. then when i returned, there was no question we would become great friends. she would like to start designing her own knitting patterns and we talked drunkenly for ages of opening an etsy shop. she recently started art school at 25, and is giving me the courage to pursue fashion design school at such a late age.

so that was ireland, two months full of inspiration. that coupled with the inspiration given by spending the last several months with an amateur fashion photographer in paris, has given me the drive needed to pursue fashion school.

i used to think that speaking about something made it less likely to happen, a form of jinxing if you will. but over the past year ive learned that not speaking about things doesnt make your dreams happen or problems go away. in fact, not speaking does just the opposite: that simple act of ommission can make everything worse. it is through facing your problems, asking for help or advice, or even just talking until your head is clear, that accomplishes anything and everything. donc, i am appealing to you, blogging world, to offer me advice, even more inspiration, or to simply be a sounding board for me bounce ideas off of.

in less than a week, i am moving back to arizona. i need/i want/i have to finish my last semester of university. however, rather than returning to flagstaff, i will be (eep, those dreaded words ever college student dreads to say) living at home and attending the nau phoenix campus.

i have my reasons, more than i would have thought. the least selfish is i really need to be closer to my parents, my sister, and my nephew. i have spent the last eighteen months away from them, and am planning on spending the next three years away as well, while pursuing my next degree.

the more selfish one is that i will save money. i need to save up thousands of dollars before i can move back to europe. granted, my income will be more in europe, but i will have tuition, rent, AND student loans from nau to pay off. living at home while in america allows me to work, and actually save money.

now for my favorite reason, the one i am most looking forward to. my mother is a seamstress who used to have dreams of designing herself before she became a hippie fighting against the vietnam war. and she has agreed to devote the next six months to teaching me everything she knows about sewing, and helping me create my portfolio/application.

the average fashion school in paris requires a sort of portfolio. they dont look at transcripts of high school or other colleges, they simply look at your work, your innate talent. this works in my favor, as my grades arent exactly shining. (the first time i even encountered the grading system, i was fourteen. after leaving the montessori school i had attended since four years old, i arrived at a public high school and received my first failed math quiz. i havent ever quite adjusted.)

anyways, the portfolio. the portfolio changes from institute to institute, but the most common version is simple. five drawings of original garments, and five photos of those finished garments.

something so simple decides my future. so you bet i am going to work as hard as possible to overcome my slight 'handicaps' and say loud and clear 'i deserve this!' most people who attend fashion school are fresh out of high school and been already making clothes for years. i am certainly not fresh out of high school (going on five years now!), and, if my knitting is not counted, my experience with making clothes through sewing, though existing, is novice at best. (the next few months will fix that!)

now, for those of you that are starting to worry, dont. this is NOT becoming a fashion blog. you will not see me posting daily updates of my outift, or anything like that. although, that works for some people and i find it interesting to read, thats not what im interested in doing. i have no desire to be a model, i want to be the one that dresses the model, that designs the clothes, the one in control. speaking of which, i will eventually need a model for my portfolio, if any of you are in phoenix!

so, if any of you have any tips and advice or even funny stories, please let me know! i am going to be upset, disappointed, overworked, and frustrated the next several months. i just know that this is going to be very difficult, returning to america from a year in paris. returning to school after six months break. and knowing now that my future rests solely upon my shoulders.

but honestly, even more than all of that, this is going to be so much fun. i am starting a new adventure, just as this one closes. and i am more than happy to still have you to share it with.

all photo credits: aoife mcgarry

a return, to more things than one.

2010-12-08T15:22:00.002+01:00

i cant explain why i havent posted in almost six months, i literally have no reason. every once in a while, i would sit down at the computer and say 'okay, today i will update my blog.' but the words never came quickly enough and before i knew it, i would be distracted and onto something else. until today, today seems like the perfect day.

i am still in paris. i am curled up in my room of the sixth floor apartment in the 15ème, wearing borrowed warm socks and a freshly knitted cowl. im watching the snowstorm happening outside the window next to the old wooden desk i am currently typing at. the flakes are large and hurry down to the ground in number, but its gentle and silent as only snow in paris can be. paris in december, even better than paris in the autumn, or paris in the spring.

since my last post, i have since moved out of my apartment in pernety (a sad sad day), spent two weeks on the beach in the south of france, lived in ireland for two months, backpacked around thailand for a month, and then returned to paris.

in one week, i will return home to arizona for christmas and one (hopefully) final semester of school. after i graduate, i plan to attend fashion school back here in paris. its been a secret dream of mine for quite some time, and in my travels, i have met people who not only gave me the inspiration, but the confidence to pursue it. in fact, this past year and six months i have been travelling and living outside the us has given me more confidence, has lead to more growth and maturity than i ever thought possible.

its unbelievable that it has come to an end, my study abroad experience is almost finished. this chapter of my life is officially over, there is nothing else i can do to drag it out. i am not sad, however, although things will be different, i know i will be back. i have realized that my search for the yellow bird has lead me here. there is still something left to discover, something left i havent realized about myself, to be found on the streets of paris or wherever it is that they lead me.

i am tired of promising posts, of structuring my life around my blog (see weekly updates, or formspring fridays, 101 in 1001, or any of that other nonsense that works for others but i failed so miserably at.) it is because i attempted to partition my life into categorized subjects to be posted on a rigorous schedule that i stopped blogging. my life doesnt work that way, my mind doesnt work that way. i am scattered and a mess and i go wherever my whim takes me, and that life is not conducive to such structured blogging.

so, dear readers, if any of you have found your way back or have miraculously been patiently waiting, you can expect a different type of blog to the one before. but i tell you, you wont be disappointed.

the old blog would have promised posts of ireland, and thailand, and promised weekly updates as i attempt to prepare myself over the next six months for my entrance into the fashion world of paris. (there's so much to be done, sewing ruffles and collars need to be conquered, designing has to be mastered, and pattern making has to be attempted, all leading to the portfolio which will decide my acceptance into the school, the possibility for a future in fashion.)

but the new blog simply says 'wait and see, i will be back, with something new to show you.'

chiang mai, thailand.

photo credit: romain clerc

i need

2010-07-05T01:49:00.000+02:00

a zombie survival kit.

i am in paris, and it is one o'clock in the morning. a few minutes ago, the electricity slowly went off, like a fade to black in the movies. i looked up in confusion, only to chance a glance out the window. to my surprise, the view was pitch black. the electricity to the entire neighborhood, perhaps the entire city [doubtful], had gone out. no street lights, no lights in the window, only the light from my macbook remained. there was even an alarm blaring, only slightly off in the distance. the alarm was not that of a car alarm, or an alarm clock. but that of a city wide evacuation or distress. we stood at the window, staring into the complete darkness. before tonight, i had never once seen a dark night in paris. usually, the night is just as bright as the day, only a tad bit more yellow from the artificial lighting.

the difference in reactions between romain and me is quite interesting. romain lit a cigarette and took a video on his iphone. me? as soon as i heard that alarm, i instantly put on my tennis shoes, grabbed the only thing close to a weapon in this house [the kitchen knife], and stood in wait by the window, just in case. it is easy to tell who watches the most horror movies between the two of us.

goodbyes and the final month in paris.

2010-07-02T13:43:00.000+02:00

i've been meaning to post this for a while now, but the parisian heat has really been bringing me down. the past days it has been about 30 degrees celsius, i dont know what that it is in fahrenheit. im too lazy to look it up, just know its hot!! "what is this," you say, "but you're from the desert?? its 120 degress there!" well, that is well and true. but arizona is built to conquer the desert, to work against the heat, and create a comfortable living environment. its 120 outside, but 60 inside and we very rarely venture outdoors. paris is not like that. everything we do is outdoors, and to get there you can either walk or take the metro [and the metro is the hottest of all]. but outdoors is better than the inside here! there is no air conditioning, nor even fans. as i type this, it is warmer in my apartment than it is on the open street below. im having trouble adjusting to this strange environment. winter i can handle, i know its different. but summer is too similar and different all the same time. i keep reverting to survival tactics i learned in arizona, but they dont work here. youll notice in all my pictures, my hair is curly. thats because im taking up to four showers a day. no kidding.

despite all of this, the past couple of weeks have been great. 29 june was the common leaving date for all of my international friends, so they wanted their last two weeks to be great. a few remain today, but not very many. the 29th was a very sad day, but i have made amazing friends doing wonderful things so im grateful for the time ive had with them. ive always known this chapter of my life would come to an end, ive been prepared for it. [but well see how calm i feel when the time for me to leave comes!]

the beginning of their end started with fete de la musique. it was basically a day-long festival of music, all across paris. we woke up early and got to tara's house by noon, with groceries in tow. we had a fabulous breakfast of sausages, egg, and baguettes. we begun drinking mimosas in preparation for the day! after brunch, we went to a club called glazart that was holding a music festival of dubstep and reggae. we stayed there for a short while, then went to see danny's jazz band play in a cafe.

the night of fete de la musique is when it got good. aoife and i split up with the rest of the group to meet romain and his friends. ro was working as a photographer for batofar, a techno night club on an old boat! the queue was unbelievebly long, but we stuck it out and got in. aoife and both adore boats, well, mainly any means of transportation. we dont have many pictures, but here are a few, taken by arnold, romains friend.

we also spent days picnicking, and sitting on the banks of the seine.

we also went to a party at a castle, in the suburbs of paris. it wasnt a real castle, but it was built to look like one. there was even a guest house, which looked like a mini castle. it was set in the woods, a large grassy lawn surrounded by dense forest. the forest hid swings and who knows what other surprises, while the grassy lawn housed a pool and a human chess set. i forgot my camera though, so no pictures.

we ended the last weekend on a good note, with solidays. an outdoo rmusic festival, similar to warped tour in the states. only this was techno with a little bit of hip hop, not rock. it was set almost outside of paris, next to the same park romain and i went to for his birthday. so naturally, on the way, aoife and i stopped and took a little break there.

and this last picture shows you the love that exists between my ame sœur/ jumelle [soul mate/twin] and me. who has unfortunately moved back to ireland. :(

[it looks like love, but really shes trying to shake all the grass i put in her hair onto mine.]

and the story behind the "twins". one day, we decided to go to the local flea market at porte de clignacourt. we were walking through the many small, twisted alleyways past the outdoor booths and permanent antique stores. we passed an old french man, sat in a rocking chair. as we neared him, he smiled, rumbled out 'oh, les jumeaux!' and looked away. after that short, odd encounter, aoife became my twin. it is very odd living in paris without her, or any of the irish girls, of the swedish girls, or even my american girls. only the french remain. maybe ill actually learn some french now.

plants and formspring.

2010-06-17T13:55:00.000+02:00

my garden has been growing quite well! unfortunately, two of the plants didnt sprout and the two romain bought i havent been able to save. but two remain, and they are flourishing! they are climbing up the balcony gate and curling around each other. my landlords have agreed to keep them there after we move out. i cant bring myself to move them.

today, as always, romain had to work. i settled in to waste the afternoon away watching french movies, until it was time to meet aoife for our date to rent boats and bcome pirates. just after i had started the movie, and became engrossed in the french zombies [yes, i love horror movies.], romain popped up in my living room with a bouquet of flowers! he'd had a sushi plate to deliver nearby at montparnasse, so he decided to come over for a few minutes! it was unbelievably sweet. usually he brings me potted plants, so it was nice to get a bouquet. [this wasnt the first one, its actually the third. but it is the prettiest, now that its summer!]

now that school has ended, and i havent been able to find that extra job, i have a lot of free time on my hands. so i'll answer the formspring questions that have been piling up!

i love your blog! What's your all time favourite yarn?

i love malabrigo lace or worsted, but i think that debbie bliss cashmerino chunky is my favorite. based on pilling over long time wear, amount of breakage, and color consistency between skeins, cashmerino chunky wins hands down. usually, i dont care for debbie bliss yarns. but this line had none of the usual faults. i didnt find one knot in any single skein!

ive followed your blog for a while now (and a big fan on ravelry!:), and you've definitely got me itching to travel/study abroad! What has been your favorite place in Europe?

well, i havent been many places, im sorry to say. if all of my plans work out, thats going to change! keep looking to my blog for details. but out of the few places i have been, id have to say the southern coast of france. the water is amazing, the wine country is beautiful, and the accent is so endearing!

i love your knitting jacket. Can i have the patron please. I come from the netherlands, and i love your jacket. Afcourse i pay for it Gr Helga

do you mean the truffle? well, i would LOVE to give you the pattern, but unfortunately i used a tutorial. however, i would have no problem answering any questions you may have! or even helping you get started with measurements and gauge.

just message me on ravelry [knitrawr] or leave a comment on my blog [yellowbirdknits.blogspot.com]

here is the tutorial:

http://dullegriet.wordpress.com/tag/truffle-cardigan/

what are you studying in university?

i am studying history, with a minor in art history and french. but i think that's going to change soon! in order to graduate, i need at least another year. so i might make art history my major and history my minor! i'm really not sure yet though, i've got a couple of years left!

What is currently in your purse? Post a photo if you can!

well, there is a story even behind m purse. one day, i was riding the metro to meet romain and arnold in the marais. all of the sudden, the strap on my purse snapped. all my belongings spilled out over the metro floor, sliding and clattering with every jarring movement of the train car. it took me multiple stops to finally collect everything, and after those embarrassing minutes, i ended up being thirty minutes late! on top of that, i was forced to drag them all around, going from store to store, trying buy a new purse. i finally found one from a stand on the side of the road. its extremely large, black, and a little bit manly. but it only cost me twenty euro and i love it. a warning: i never clean out my purse.

the contents [i couldnt fit everything in the picture]:

harry potter et l'ecole des sorciers [book one in french]
my journal
my plan de paris [my map of paris]
my knitting
my ginormous wallet which is jammed full of metro passes, tube passes, school ids from three countries, my passport, receipts from all over the world, and a melange of international currency.
ticket stubs from numerous trips
a bottle of water
a lollipop bought on a drunken trip to the alimentation generale
my half of the wishbone that ro and i once wished on
the remnants of a russian wooden ring ro once bought me
a thank you card that is yet to be filled out, for ro's mother
a pack of cigarettes [bad influence here. very bad influence.]
a pack of french playing cards [that are very helpful when my work gets awkward]
brochures from my trip to monet's house and garden
my skeleton keys [my apartment uses skeleton keys!!]
numerous pens, pencils, buttons, and knitting accessories
a cardigan
various hair accessories and makeup
a stick of gum a bartender once gave me [along with a free shot of beer]
my nintendo ds
my ipod
my unlocked phone and multiple sim cards
a pack of tissues and some cough medicine
a pair of oversized sunglasses and a pair of purple fashion glasses
finally, my camera.

wow, its hard to believe i carry all that around with me every day. no wonder my shoulders are always sore.

but this brings me to my next portion! a few days ago, i received a package in the mail! i love receiving mail so i opened it excitedly to find knitting patterns from the lovely siga! i couldnt find them here in france, so she was lovely enough to send them to me! she even sent me an extra magazine! watch out blogosphere, i will soon be making this. [ravelry link.]

also, its not looking like im going to be traveling much around europe. its a shame i know, but hopefully, this next idea will pan out and my frugality wont be wasted. if i missed seeing you, i'm really sorry. but ill be here in paris for at least another two months. come visit me!

l'anniversaire de romain.

2010-06-16T20:32:00.001+02:00

8 june was romain's birthday. birthdays, to me, are a really big deal. i love celebrating them, and when i was younger, we used to celebrate half birthdays as well. so in the beginning when i realized i would still be in paris for ro's birthday, i told him he needed to dedicate some time for me. he gave me his actual birthday day, so i started to plan. i wanted to do a trip, but with ro's working schedule, it is simply too expensive. he needs to leave friday night and come back sunday morning, the most expensive times to travel.

so, i had to do things that were inside paris. so, a couple days before, i began seriously planning. i went to phildar and got yarn to make him a scarf. [he's french, and thus wears scarves all year round. finally a boy who truly appreciates hand knits!] i went to the grocery store and bought ingredients to make fajitas and a cake.

making a cake in france is very different than making a cake in america. i decided to extend myself even more, and use a french recipe. bad bad idea. i thought it would be easier, cause the recipe ingredients would be written in the same language as in the store. instead, i ended up just messing up and getting the wrong cream, so my mousse ended up more like super sugary boiling frosting. after dropping it on my toes, and experiencing the worst burn blister of my life, romain dropped a huge bomb: his mother had come up from the south for a surprise visit. in my mind, everything was a waste. all the food, all the planning, the failed cake, and the burn. all i wanted to do was cry.

surprisingly, romain still spent his birthday with me. he devoted a different day to his mother. so, in the morning, i packed a picnic. i made sandwiches with expensive bread from the bakery. they were chicken pesto sandwiches with caramelized onions, garlic, and bell peppers. then i sauteed strips of ham, and made a crunchy canadian bacon. romain's favorite food is cold pizza [not what i would have expected], so the day before i had made a pizza and chilled it overnight.

romain came over, and after opening my present, the unfinished scarf, we went to a park called bois de boulogne. now, this isnt your every-day-run-of-the-mill park. it's about fifteen minutes outside of paris, and theres a wildlife preserve in the middle of it. the wildlife preserve is on an island, with a sort of moat going around it. the only to cross that moat is by a little ferry that waits on the dock for you. it's interdit to picnic on the wildlife park, so we just explored for a little bit. it was really very lovely, there were bunnies and other sorts of wildlife running around.

when we got too hungry, we took the ferry back and sat by the side of the lake. we sat there for hours. i had planned for us to go to a photography exhibit afterward, but we were just too lazy and couldnt bring ourselves to move.

after the park, romain had to go to work. so he dropped me off at home [he drives a scooter, which is why we were able to go to that park.]. while he was working, i made dinner and finished his cake. i ended up making a french recipe for a chocolate cake with a melted heart. the french dont use frosting, so instead i sprinkled it with powdered sugar and shaved chocolate. i didnt have any decorating bags or tips, so i cut a too big hole in my only ziploc bag and had to make do. i sloppily wrote 'bon anniv' on it using melted white chocolate and a little bit of cream to keep it from hardening too quickly. ro has never seen the usual caliber of the cakes i make, so he was suitably impressed. i was ashamed, but it tasted great!

katy and i have a pull-out table so i set that up and we ate at it for the first time together! we then watched the final episode of flash forward which we had been saving until we could watch together.

it wasnt anything too romantic, or too extravagant, but it was certainly enjoyable!

le sud: les derniers jours.

2010-06-16T17:03:00.001+02:00

finally, the last post about the south! this is the last in a series of three. here are parts one and two.

saturday, we woke up incredibly late. by the time i got downstairs, i had missed breakfast completely and it was time for lunch. and what an amazing lunch it was. as this was the last complete day we had with everybody, romain's mother outdid herself. the first course was a tomato-mozarella salad. normally i detest tomatoes, but i loved this salad! the tomatoes were juicy and sweet, and i had missed mozarella cheese. cheese is looked at very differently here. the cheese that is cheap back in the states, like cheddar or mozarella, is really expensive. but goat cheese and camembert and fancy cheeses which would be gourmet in the states are ridiculously cheap here.

the second course was a curry with fish and rice. i dont usually eat curry with fish, mainly chicken. but this was good! jerome's wife detests spice, so mme clerc made a very mild curry. but for those who like spice, [comme moi!], she included a side dish of spice to add to it. so it was really very good.

the dessert was amazing, however. she made a chocolate mousse! all from scratch! plus, after seeing my penchant for strawberries, ie me eating a whole carton all by myself, she served fresh strawberries with it.

after lunch, while his brothers prepared for their departure the next day, we went to one of the little towns in the south around his house. this one was called saint-maxine. the architecture in the south is amazing, and so quaint. the town just felt so romantic! romain, having grown up there, didnt see it that way though.

we stopped and got some ice cream, which claimed to be the best of saint-maxine. it might have been, at one time, before it had been frozen, defrosted, then frozen again. but the guy gave me extra chocolate to garnish my cone and the flavor was amazing, so the icy chunks didnt bother me.

when i focus, i lick my lips. i was having a really hard time choosing soap. ro caught me at that perfect moment, right when i was mid-thought. the south is known for its soap, its really quite special. we bought soap from a tiny stand in front of a square, dozens of bright colors and soft scents gently grabbed my attention and i just had to have one. but despite my protests, both ro and his brother bought me one each. i have saved one for america, but am using one in the shower now. my skin has never been this soft before.

saint-maxine boasts the church where the tomb of mary magdalene is housed. also, the cave where mary magdalene hid. but i didnt go see that one. we went to see the tomb, but it wasnt that impressive. im not religious, i dont know the story of mary magdalene, so this wasnt a very moving experience for me. im sorry to say, we didnt even spend five minutes in the church.

we had to cut our "outing" short, because in french culture dinner is at a specific time and if you miss, there is hell to be had. we arrived two minutes before dinner, and sat down immediately at the table. ro's mother had worked even harder, since this was the last dinner we would all have together. honestly, it might have been one of the weirdest dinners i have ever had.

i dont like cooked vegetables, so i pretended to eat those, slipping them onto ro's plate when no one was looking. but the cod was amazing, and the yellow sauce was even better. i've started buying it here even. its called aioli, and it makes everything better. the snail isnt an escargot, its a sea snail. it is eaten cold and it is absolutely disgusting. not even the yellow sauce could make it better.

after dinner, romain and i went and met up with his friends. i had a horrible time. his friends reminded me of my friends in flagstaff: the hippie clothes, the hippie hair, and the hippie music. but the resemblance stopped there. they were all unbelievably rude. no matter what language i spoke, french or english, they wouldnt speak to me. romain says its because they were afraid, but i didnt get a feeling of fear. it was more like apathy, no only simply cared to speak to me. there is a difference in the youth of paris and the youth of the south: the parisians always want more friends, are used to strangers, and welcome them. the youth of the south is the exact opposite; they have their groups, dont need more, and dont know how to act when strangers come amongst them.

i am willing to admit some fault, however. if lauren who speaks french fluently had been in my place, she would have been fine. or if katy who doesnt speak french but doesnt care had been there, she would have been fine. but me, who speaks french but is afraid, failed. i am too shy to ever succeed in those kind of situations.

sunday, we stayed around the house. ro's brothers all went back to paris. we had waited too long and the sunday train had sold out, so we were forced to leave monday. mme clerc was unbelievably sad. the house was empty and quiet, and she went to bed for most of the day. it was the first time i felt intrusive, knowing if i hadnt been there romain would have been comforting his mother instead of entertaining me. i tried to take a nap, but he wouldnt hear of it. eventually, i got too bored and we went for a walk. he took me to what he called a man-made lake. but in arizona, the man-made lakes are actual lakes, with fishing and boating and whatnot. this was more like a man-made puddle. but it was pretty, and i enjoyed the downtime with romain.

when we got back, his mother had prepared a lunch: leftover cod and cold microwavable pizza. she was definitely depressed that everyone had left. ro and his dad were walking on eggshells around her, and i stayed quiet, offering random french phrases and large awkward smiles.

monday, we didnt do anything but leave the south. ro's dad took us to the train station, and ro seriously looked like he was going to cry. t

my time in the south was amazing. to anyone who likes to travel, i would seriously recommend going to the south of france at least once. i was very apprehensive about meeting ro's family, not only because they speak french, but specifically due to the fact that one day ro and i will have to end. i cant live in france my whole life, and he has no desire to come to america. so, it felt very weird getting to know a family that i may never be part of. but i am very glad i did it, i have learned so much about french culture, but even more about ro and who he really is. i think one of the most interesting things is knowing where someone comes from, and how they became who they are!

this was the last thing i saw while pulling out of the train station in aix:

does it look like an impressionist painting? well, that's cause it inspired many of them. all the most famous french impressionists lived in aix, and painted that exact mountain. as an art history major, that was the most inspiring image i've seen in a while.

hard truths.

2010-06-16T13:18:00.002+02:00

life in paris is going incredibly well. it's hard to believe i only have seven weeks left here, then it's on to another chapter in my life. we're still in the basic process of planning, so im going to keep it under wraps until decisions have been made. but here's a little hint of what might possibly be in my future:

well, ive been inspired by a recent blogging trend. blogs are edited, secrets i am reluctant to share are omitted, and things i am ashamed of in real life are hidden and kept quiet.

i am not ashamed of that. my blog isnt fake, nor is it overly happy. there are just a few things im not ready to share with the entire world. since this post is about honesty, there are even a couple of things i'd share with the world, but not with the family who reads this blog. something about anonymity makes it easier to confess that which plagues you. a bunch of strangers worried about me is nothing like my family worrying.

but in the spirit of honesty, im going to open up a little part of me i had kept closed.

my mother has/had cancer. im not really sure what the technical terms mean, 'remission' and 'markers'. im too far away, not in constant contact, for my parents to explain properly. [this is the only picture of her i have on my computer. she doesnt pose for pictures, she didnt know i was taking this. its blurry and the background is horrible, but i like how its soft, just like her.]

we realized something was wrong the wednesday before i left for england. my mother and i had a dual doctors appointment [my mother and i are really close. i havent been to the doctor once without her. emergenices excepted.] we finished up the half of my appointment, and the doctor then asked my mother to strip so of course i hightailed it out of there. after a few minutes, the waiting room became too tedious and i went back inside. the doctor, assuming i knew everything, didnt mince her words as they were discussing the symptoms. i had never seen my mother so shaken, so quiet. i knew something was up, but other tests were ordered so i wasnt too apprehensive.

i had a week before i left for england. my mother had promised to sew some skirts up for me, and i selfishly pushed her, even though it hurt her stomach. for you to understand why i do that, you must understand that because of my gastroparesis, i live with literally constant stomach pain. not a single day goes by where my stomach doesnt hurt. ive gotten to the point where i can ignore it, control my nausea, and maintain a healthy weight. its horrible, but i am thus not compassionate to stomach pain. i really try to be, but i just dont understand how for ordinary people, the stomachache is completely debilitating. if i were to give into that urge, i would accomplish nothing. even typing this, my stomach is killing me. if i caved, i would throw up and lay in bed all day, wasting this beautiful day in paris.

anyway, the day before i left, we were panicking. the minutes were numbered, even seconds counted. my mother took a couple of hours to lay down, her stomach hurt so badly. i simply couldnt understand this. although i was smart enough to recognize that things were getting worse.

the next day, i left bright and early to go to the airport. after a few hours of chitchat, i was ready to go through security and board the plane. the second i stepped up to give my mother a hug, she started bawling. the most tears i have ever seen from her, came out on that morning. it was then that i realized something was terribly terribly wrong. these werent the normal 'oh, i wont see you for a year' tears. these were tears of 'i dont want to die while youre in another country'. i managed to tear myself away, and walk through security. my mother followed me on the sidelines, still crying. security tried to remove her, but upon seeing her tears and me standing in the security line, they actually let her stay until i was out of sight.

her deterioration was something i didnt understand as i wasnt able/allowed to see. it was shown to me in small selfish markers: skype calls and emails were only answered by my dad, text messages went ignored, my credit bill responsibilities, after her missing a couple of payments, were passed to me, and most painfully, advice was sought but not given. i had always been used to asking my mom advice, she has a way of saying what i dont want to hear in a way that makes me want to hear it.

then, in december, my family finally allowed me to see all of what had happened to my mom. she was hospitalized, and i left london a week early and returned home. i missed my exams, and my grades have suffered, but i dont regret it. she was let out of the hospital the night i returned. the skeleton that laid on the sofa was a terrifying sight. my mother has always been overweight. always. i cant remember a time when she didnt wrap me up in tight, enveloping, and comforting bear hugs. except this time. she looked like she had lost hundreds of pounds and her hair was falling out. it was terrifying. i laid with her in her bed, where i would for the rest of the month. it was in that first night, drugged out of her mind from the hospital, that my mother asked me not to go to france. now, that is a selfish statement. if i stayed it would have been only for her. my mother doesnt make selfish statements. ever. she is the most giving, mst self-compromising, most suffering -in-silence woman i have ever met. she has never once asked me for anything, even though sometimes my choices hurt her. until then.

i think telling her i had to leave was the hardest thing ive ever done. explaining to your possibly-dying mother how you are going to leave her alone for seven months is a nearly impossible task. especially because i didnt want to go, i wanted to stay and feed her food until she fattened up again. i spent the rest of the month shoving food at her and refusing to leave her alone for even a few minutes. my mother was too out of it to remember that request, and said nothing when i left for the airport. she was too sick to come with us. which, horrible as it is, made it easier to leave. i could have never boarded that plane if my weepy mother stood at security again.

[this is my father. he is sleeping with his first grandchild.] my whole life, i have been closer to my mother. that is not to say i dont love my father. i adore both of my parents, they have given me so much more than they were able to. as parent roles go my mother is the one i confide in, my father is the one who i want to be like. but, in the past year, i have had to rely much more heavily on my father. our entire family has. my mother was the breadwinner, my dad was the artist. unfortunately, an artist salary does not support a daughter in another country and a wife on chemo. so my dad has stepped up in ways i never thought possible, ways im not so sure i could have. when i get back, i am going to step up too. i have put my parents in a horrible situation which i will endeavor to fix whenever i return home, be it in july or january.

i am lucky, we are lucky. my mom is doing loads better; in remission, markers are down, returned to work, etc. there was even a celebration dinner and she's taken to sewing again.

well, i think thats all the truth one post can handle. im sure many of you have been touched by something similar, cancer is something that unfortunately affects us all.

recently,

2010-06-08T01:50:00.001+02:00

i've realized that i only seem to post about romain, and i do so much more than that! its just that relationships dont come naturally to me, so times with romain are documented and dissected. everything else, though amazing, comes easier to me. i dont need to think them through as much.

with this post, i want to give you dear readers a true glimpse of what my life is here. i wanted to show what paris is truly like, which is a very wild, very crazy, very fashionable, night life. just this weekend, i snuck into a closed party at three in the morning, by climbing fences and hiding behind cars. the next day, i went to an abandoned pool and saw three djs [including justice!], and lounged on an inner tube.

[bottom left corner.]

[left center.]

[bottom right corner.]

other nights have included drunken clubbing at social club,

or colorful nights spent at festivals,

we've gone to clubs with pools inside of them,

[this picture of katy and denis is amazing.]

drank on bridges over the seine,

seen our friends perform live, and gotten tear-gassed. paris goes insane in the night time, and its usually so much fun. rather than describe the nights, i thought id post some of the pictures!

no matter what we decide to do, it usually ends looking something like this:

i hope i didnt overload with the photos! i still owe a bunch of posts, i just wanted to show something different than usual. :)

oh, and very few of those photos were actually taken by me.

le sud: jeudi et vendredi.

2010-05-19T13:26:00.008+02:00

thursday, i woke up refreshed and feeling better. we woke up early, disturbed by the cries of young emma. i headed downstairs in my pajamas, wanting to be there for breakfast. breakfast was very relaxed, everyone was left to fend for themselves. that morning, we went to a french open market, which is like a huge collective yard sale. i found an old tobacco pipe with the a carving of a round-cheeked gust of male wind, and a pocket watch that wouldnt open. i didnt buy them, as i had no cash. but it was still really interesting to see the things people had collected over the years, then randomly decided to get rid of.

after the market, i showered, got ready, and went back down, prepared for whatever the day would bring. it didnt bring much, just hours of sitting around speaking french, which is much more exhausting than you would expect. romain and i gardened some, lay by the pool, fooled around with his camera, and played some fighting video games. [i won, as always.] it was this day when his family begun to try to get me to stay in france. romain's belle sœur even begun trying to get her baby to say "tante anna", claiming if she said it i couldnt on good conscience ever leave france. they also referred to romain's mother as my future mother-in-law. however, i think that was just cause they didnt know any other words or the meaning attached to it. they also kept using the phrase "what's the hell??", which i absolutely loved.

as romain is a photographer, his idea of complete entertainment happens only with a camera [or techno music]. these are the result:

and my personal favorite:

he also adores taking videos, here are a couple:

hear the french in the background??

for dinner, i got to experience true french wine. they dug deep into their cave de vin [wine cellar] and pulled out a bottle from the late eighties. it was good, i was suitably impressed, yet i am not a big fan of wine. never have been. everybody said that would change once i got into france. i think i like it less, cause i am surrounded by it and have no other affordable options. for dinner, ro's mom made enchiladas. he had told her i like them. they were good, but they made me miss home, where they are exceptional. again, we stayed up talking but not as late as the last night. the exciting charm of reunion had worn off, and people were just tired.

friday, after much delibaration and arguing by the family, we decided to go to the beach. we went to cassis, ate in fancy restuarant, played in the waves, and laid in the sand. we didnt go to the coves, but it was still an amazing trip. i ate at my first fancy french restaurant, each course was around twenty euro. now, i am not classy. i am an artist. this was a huge deal for me, one i was not comfortable with. romain has spent too much money on me, as has his family. but my complaints were ignored.

it was weird, being with the frenchies at the beach. not a single one had any desire to go anywhere near the water. they sat on the edge of the beach, in their tights and shoes. it took a lot of prodding to get romain down to the water, and even more major convincing to get his shoes off.

after the beach, we went home and ate dinner. this time the wine was from 1978! a full ten years older than me. i didnt like it, but neither did romain, which made me feel better. i guess some wines age well, and some dont. there is no way to tell. romains mom had mad chicken, and placed barbecue sauce on the table solely for me. now i dont really like barbecue sauce, but apparently, its the american thing to eat!!

after dinner, we ironically enough watched an american movie about a country singer in arizona. it wasnt very realistic of my life, at all. it made us all seem like backward rednecks. romains family was amused by this portrayal, especially romain. he vowed jokingly never go to flagstaff. the movie was the first true english i'd heard all weekend, and it felt very weird to hear it. i keep thinking the phrases over again in french. i'm at that point in between languages. im definitely not comfortable hearing french, but im no longer completely comfortable hearing english. its a very odd place to be.

i found an aerial view of romain's house on his camera, dont ask me how he got it. ill leave you with that. i am off to uni!

le sud: le premier jour

2010-05-18T01:11:00.003+02:00

well, i came back from the south today. it was an amazing trip, and to be completely honest, i'm a little sad to be back in paris. the south of france was beautiful, better than anywhere else i have been so far. the architecture was bright and colorful, but quaint and old. the weather was gorgeous, the clouds were bright and fluffy and stood still in the sky, and the blue was almost electric neon, shining down in shades i had never seen before. the sun was bright but there was a slight wind to lessen the burn. i am so tan, i finally feel mixed again. it took six days in the south to undo what seven months in london/paris had done to my skin color!

meeting ro's family was both like and unlike everything i had expected. there was nine of us, four couples and a baby girl of six months. a couple of days before we were supposed to leave, i looked up french etiquette online. i was told, by multiple sites, to always always always bring a gift. so i walked myself to monoprix, and bought a potted plant. bright orange gerber daisies, with lots of leaves. but that didnt seem like me, nor did it seem like enough. anyone can bring a plant, especially an unmarked one that was only five euro. so i hunted through my newly-acquired phildar stash and stumbled upon two skeins of dk purple wool blend that just wanted to be made into a baby dress. so i started it, realizing i had less than 48 hours to both knit the dress and prepare myself. i knit until six in the morning, and in my fatigue, forgot to shut the window on the freezing storm that was pouring down on the paris streets. i would feel the effects of that later.

the day before our departure, ro's aunt decided that she wanted to meet me as well. she had been trying for months, after realizing i was illicitly staying in her shared home with romain, when she and her husband went out of town. [i threw away a tampon. she's going through menopause. not a hard puzzle to figure out.] i had managed to avoid meeting her, stating the obvious fears of speaking english, social faux pas, etc. however, that excuse becomes a little ridiculous once youve agreed to stay with a boys parents for a week. meeting the aunt seems a little less daunting...

so, after ro's work, i met him there with my valise in hand. she was incredibly nice, and only laughed about ro breaking the rules and letting me stay there. she didnt seem mad one bit, whereas i had expected her to at least chastise. she spoke frenglish, just as i do. she offered food and left us alone, heading to bed. it gave me more hope for the next day.

due to the aforementioned open window, i spent the night in a cold sweat, unable to sleep but unable to wake up. i kept sneezing, coughing, and shaking romain to bring me water and mouchoirs or tissues. i barely slept an hour.

the day broke bright and early, and i felt like my head was going to explode. but i ripped myself out of my bed, wanting so badly to dress myself properly for the first meeting. we arrived at the train station right on time, and i passed the four hours knitting furiously. i was still unable to finish, upon arrival, only the ties on the dress were left. we sat for twenty or so minutes, until his mom arrived. a short, small woman dressed in jeans with bright grey roots and auburn hair stepped out of a dented dark turquoise car. this was not what i expected. where was the majesty that being rich and french affords? where was the haughty attitude, the condescending smile, and the judging looks? it was then that i realized i was not in paris anymore. i was in the south. i had heard things were different, people were different, but i had not realized. she bounce-stepped before me awkwardly, shyly, and i could tell she was searching her words, trying to speak english. i knew the moment she gave up on that, because out came a bubbling stream of french syllables that i could never have hoped to understood. bright turquoise eyes, a mirror of romains, stared welcomingly at me, waiting for an answer. i only smiled, said i didnt understand as we both looked at romain for translation. that would be how it was for the rest of the trip, for mme clerc did not speak a word of english. what she did speak was made-up in her head, [she liked to add "-ly" to words] and i had to work harder to decipher her english than her french. but she was a beautiful, happy woman who was frustrated by our language barrier and unbelievably excited to have her sons at home.

his dad arrived moments later, in a separate car. the family has eight people, traveling anywhere is an adventure to say the least. the car matched more what i expected, european, shiny silver paint and dark leather interior that smells like rental car. the man was also more what i expected, polos and khakis, pressed to fit. until he spoke english in a quiet friendly rumble, his face split by a smile and creased by laughlines. his ears, his jaw, his nose, all reminded me so much of romain. it was amusing to see romain standing in between them, and be able to match each feature of his with theirs. because my parents are different races, its much harder to assign specific features to each. this was a novelty i am not used to.

we waited a couple hours for his brothers to arrive, making chitchat in the car, in the rain, and in the station. chitchat when you dont know each other is hard enough, chitchat between the significant other of a child and its parents is even harder, but chitchat when you dont speak the same language is impossible. the combination of all three was overwhelming for my already sick body, and i fell asleep, my head on romains lap in the back of the car.

then, suddenly, his brothers were there. it was like a storm hit. i was met by delighted cries, kisses, and baby coos. expecting to be forgotten in the jumble of reunion, i took a step back and prepared to wait. it took only seconds before i was swept up in a cloud of bisous, immediately greeted. i answered every question, but clung to romain. one thing not made evident by this blog is i dont like to speak. i'm not a talker, i was raised by the silent types and prefer to be that way myself. not a single thing about this family was quiet, the chatter was nonstop and switched languages so fast i could barely keep up. however, in those six days, i learned more french than i have during my whole stay in paris.

we drove the forty minutes to his house, and i was treated to views of blossoming early vineyards and mountains painted by all the best impressionists.

his house was large, two sprawling stories, and bright yellow. it was situated at an angle, running diagonal to the street, and set back a few hundred meters. a pool and a garden that would be better called a forest surrounded it, a terrace covered in bright yellow flowers was on one side. bright aqua shutters bordered each window and each door, much like every other house in the south. i had never seen a cuter, more quietly stylish, house.

by the time we got to his house, i could barely stand i felt so sick. unsure of whether i was ill or simply always looked this way, romain's mother tentatively asked me i needed some medicine. i responded quickly that yes i sure did, and she pumped me full of three different pills, handed me a robe and some slippers, and turned to play with the baby.

it was only two at this time, and lunch was promptly served. we all gathered around a very large table and began to speak. romains mother brought out a couscous and a cucumber dish that i was very pleasantly surprised to discover i liked. i ate my fill, rejoicing that the food was so light and perfect for me. i had feared that my stomach would not be able to handle the french eating habits, and was so happy to find that fear unfounded.

that was, of course, until she brought another dish. i had forgotten that french meals all have three courses. it was an amazing meal, but i could barely eat more than a few bites. romain explained my stomach to his family, and i was met with sympathetic glances. being able to only eat one course seemed interminable to them.

after lunch, we all gathered around, sat and talked until dinner. we ate a meal of fresh french and spanish charcuterie. possibly the worst thing i could have eaten for my stomach, but the best tasting thing i have had in a while. i discovered on this trip that i could subsist solely on baguettes, saucisson, and goat cheese without a problem. dinner was fewer courses than lunch, but not by much. dessert was an almond butter fudge, brought back from spain, i forgot the name, if anybody knows it, please tell me!

we stayed up talking until midnight, and romain would not allow me to go to bed before any else, declaring it insufferably rude. so i nodded off in my chair a couple of times, head clouded with cough medicines and fever. my fever broke during the night, and i woke up the next morning refreshed and with only a slight sniffle that would persist the rest of my stay.

but it is one in the morning here, i am worn out from a day of travel and this entry has already gotten quite long. i will post more details tomorrow, what we did on the rest of the trip. goodnight! i'll leave you with one last photo!

a new endeavor.

2010-05-08T14:37:00.000+02:00

i realized that this blog, and my life, has been severly lacking the very thing i started it for: knitting. i have completed three projects in france, which i promise i will post soon. last night, i had the brilliant idea last that i should combine my two loves of knitting and travel! i will now start going to yarn stores and posting about them. hopefully, if i ever get to travel around europe, i will be able to go to at least one yarn store in each country. i really enjoy going to yarn stores, i have yarn bought from all across the united states, a couple of different cities in england, and of course, france.

it's odd, but i always feel like a fraud when i go into a new yarn store. i feel like an inadequate knittter, with too few years of experience, much to learn, and something to prove. its a very humbling experience, im always too shy to talk to the staff and ask for advice at first. i think it is because a yarn store can be such a personal place, for the regulars, that i feel as if im intruding. its really hard to explain, its such an odd sensation and ive never understood it myself. it may be because im so young, and so inactive in the knitting community. back home, i always make my mom come with me. everyone always assumes she is the knitter, and she acts as a buffer/conversation starter. i dont know if ive mentioned this in the blog before, or if it comes across at all, but in the real world i really am quite shy and am horrible at small talk.

now don't get me wrong, i really do enjoy going to new stores. i love the moment of surprise when i first walk in, as each shop is set up differently. that first second when my mind perceives the array of colors, of textures, always stops me in the doorway. ill look around for a few seconds, to acclimate myself and take in all i can, and let the calm that crafting always creates set in. then someone will usually approach me, and the calm is scared away; i immediately feel like i dont know anything about knitting at all. i think that is it right there: its easy to be confident with people who dont knit. but when confronted with someone who is living my dream and knows so much more than i do, i feel like a novice. but after a few moments of conversation, i settle down and the calm comes back. there is something very relaxing in sitting in a new yarn store, connecting with the staff, learning new tricks and tips, and discovering yarn you never knew existed.

so, i will begin my reviews with the first yarn stores i ever went to. [review just sounds so pretentious, i mean, who i am to review? so if anybody knows a better word, please let me know.] it is my favorite by far and is the standard on which all stores are now judged. im sure its grown and changed through the years, i would love to make it back there sometime.

stash.

[source.]

country: united states.
website: stashyarn.com
address:
884 colusa ave
(between catalina ave & solano ave)
berkeley, ca 94707
neighborhoods: east solano ave, north berkeley.
hours:
closed monday.
tue-fri: 11:00 - 18:00.
sat: 10:00 - 18:00.
sun: 12:00 - 17:00.

this store specializes in handmade specialty yarns so it is quite expensive, but definitely worth it. the store is set up in a pleasing way and i remember wandering for hours, getting lost in the many textures and feels. before this shop, i had been to only micheals and jo-anns, thinking acrylic was as soft and as good as it gets. when i first walked in, my fifteen year old self couldn't even speak. i was living in berkeley as a nanny for the summer, with a self-confident, expressive mother from germany. she, upon seeing my inability to speak, instantly took over the conversation and i was left to my own devices. i had charged myself with buying yarn for my second sweater and my first hat, to be made for a potential boyfriend. [yes, i was trying to use knitting to con him into dating me. it worked.] i left the store with needles and skeins of grey yarn in tow, figuring grey was the most manly color. in those days, i refused to wear greys and blacks as i had an enormous fear people would think i was depressed. my sweater would be fire engine red. i started the hat, with no concept of gauge or even needle size. i simply followed the pattern's directions, ignoring that fiddly bit at the top. it just didnt seem important. i usually ignore the amounts in a recipe, so why shouldnt i do that with a pattern? a few hours later, i had a hat! unfortunately, i had knit it on a 32 inch circular instead of a 16 inch, adding a "few" extra stitches because it was too tight. i'm sure you can guess the result: i ended up with a bag instead of a hat. [i gave it to the boy, remarkably he kept it and two years later, we ended up giving it as a bed to our ferrets.] but i digress. the point of the story is, after my debacle with gauge, i was quite confused and had no idea where to go next.

so, back to the store we went. the woman who owned the store sat down with me and very patiently explained gauge and using a circular needle to me. i will never forget how nice she was, how long she sat without charging me, and how much she helped with my second sweater. i started modifying patterns in that very yarn store, using formulas for conversion i learned in chemistry. unfortunately, i never finished that sweater. i came back to phoenix and forgot the pattern in berkeley. but that store, with the yarn organized by color instead of size, with the wonderfully expensive yarns that caused me to overdraft my account [yes, you read right.], and the knowledge that lead to me becoming the knitter i am today, will always have a place in my memory, as cliched as it may be. if you're ever in the area, i highly suggest you check it out.

formspring friday, art inspiration, and five days.

2010-05-07T13:07:00.003+02:00

first some art:

[berges de la seine à chatou, maurice de vlaminck.]

we studied fauvism in my art history class yesterday. it was then that it hit me: i am studying about a movement of art in its home country, and in its native tongue. beyond that, in the early 20th century, a new movement was formed that combined fauvism and cubism. it was labeled "l'ecole de montparnasse", because all the artists lived in montparnasse. guess where i now live? montparnasse! i tend to forget, get wrapped up in my money troubles, but i am amazingly lucky.

well, my first week on formspring? it was much more fun than i expected, although i did feel a bit narcissistic each time i answered a question. it got to me think about things that i had been avoiding for a while now, so thank you! if you have a formspring, let me know! i want to know more about you.

questions i have answered this week:

whats on your needles now? and next?
well, a few weeks ago i finished my manu. sadly, i havent cast on anything since then and am starting to feel just how much i miss it. problem is, none of the patterns out there are catching my interest. i really want to make a lacy cardigan or featherweight hoodie, but nothing is striking me as interesting. i chose manu because of all the little details, which were quite interesting. manu is a wonderfully written pattern and produces an amazing garment. but even that got a little old with its miles and miles of stockinette.

i want a challenge. i think its high time i start designing.

either that, or ill just make a summery, v-necked version of this thing of beauty.

do YOU have any ideas for me??

If you could go anywhere after you leave your semester abroad, where would you go, and what would you do?

i've been thinking a lot about this, because my desire for a prolonged return to the states is not strong. dont get me wrong, i want to go home and see my family. i just dont want to stay.

in a perfect world, i would return to france with noodle in tow.

in an ideal world with no money problems, i would spend a semester teaching english or studying in greece.

in my highest hopes and dreams, i would live on a farm in south america and learn to spin wool into yarn from llamas or sheep.

favorite thing you ever knit? link to pattern?

that's easy! my truffle cardigan, hands down.

project page. blog post. tutorial.

Who's the most overrated athlete?

now, you know i pay no attention to sports... so, you tell me.

Girl, you crazy. How'd you get so CRAZY?

hahaha no clue but im definitely glad i am!

what do you miss most about the states?

it's hard to think of things like that right off the top of my head and not in the moment... um... i definitely miss my family, my dog, speaking without feeling self-conscious of an american accent, and peanut butter. oh, and everything being open on sunday.

How do you support yourself while living abroad? Did you save for a long time? Do you have help? I would love to study abroad, and I was just wondering how you do it :]

i took out an oversized loan, to be honest. i really wish i had saved up instead, but i was unable to find employment over the summer. in paris, i have a job which really really helps. in addition, im planning on getting a babyspeaking job after school ends. my parents, and especially my sister, have been a huge help, i couldnt have done this without them. if you can study abroad, do it! it is worth it, no matter how hard you have to save or how much debt you incur!

Where do you get inspiration for your knitting?

when i was living in arizona, i would scour the internet through ravelry or various fashion blogs. thats changed since living in london and paris. i now just watch people on the streets and sometimes am even inspired by the architecture. also, the cold weather and rain really make a person want to knit!

Do you have any plans to write your own knitting patterns?

yes, i do! i actually have two sketches drawn up already. i have a very rough draft of the one i'm most excited about, and even a few swatches. i'll be looking for test knitters once ive actually finished the garment!!

Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

surprisingly, i have never broken any bones.

Do you want to be buried or cremated?

cremated, with my ashes spread along the coast of oregon.

the promise of a train ride: six days.

2010-05-06T12:05:00.003+02:00

last night, the boy bought us train tickets! [yeah, he bought them, i'm poor. more on that later.] there is a sort of family gathering at his home in the south, and we will be attending. in less than a week, i will be on the beach, swimming in his pool, relaxing in a tiny town outside of aix, and, oh yeah, meeting ro's mother. yep, the stereotypically overprotective, head-of-the-household european mother who speaks only french. eep.

that's aix. it's so cute and quaint!!

[source]

i couldn't be more excited and more scared all at the same time. meeting the family in a foreign language is something i never thought i would do. i have one week to become completely fluent! i guess i better start practicing my french even more...

tattouage.

2010-05-04T16:28:00.000+02:00

lately, i have had images floating around in my head. some have been there for years, others only weeks. now i am not posting this for anybody to tell me tattoos are a stupid idea. if you dont approve of tattoos, please, i dont need to know. that being said, if you have any ideas, helpful criticism, or just any advice, i would love to hear it.

now, this is a serious undertaking for me. i want to put thought into this, and plan accordingly, as i hope to be adding more than a few to my body. i have found my tattoo artist, which i admittedly didnt put as much thought into as i have the designs. however, he tattoos my friends, speaks minimal english, parties with us, and is willing to do them at a discounted price. he isnt some stranger who cant understand my french and will never see me again, it actually matters if he messes up. he specializes in detail, which is perfect as i want only black outlines. i have high hopes for this partnership.

in the past few days, i have been reading blog after blog about tattooing. i have learned quite a bit about the process, how to prepare, and what to expect.

all that is left, is the designing. i am going to leave most of the designing to him. i cannot draw nearly as well as he can, and he knows what looks best. that being said, there are key elements that i will include. i am going to try to write them out, so as to clear my head.

my own drawings:

right forearm/dip: train tracks viewed from side, simple telephone poles with one black bird on wire. possibly one flying away as well. [this tattoo idea inspired my new header.]

right shoulder blade: a triangle of airplanes [just the outline] turning into a flock of black birds, flying towards the top of my shoulder.

helpful images-

left inner upper arm: end design unknown, elements to be included: one or two from a set of classic matryoshkas, a spool of thread with thread branching out attached to needle, empty birdcage hanging by thread, and a mini ribbon pottery tool. this one will need a lot more thought.

helpful images-

not my own drawings:
[more cliched, less designed, but just as meaningful.]

left rib cage: the little prince taking advantage of a flock of wild birds to make his escape from his asteroid, including stars and flower.

left wrist: a ball of yarn, with thin needles at diagonal.

behind right ear or outer left forearm: a small anchor.

every single one has an intense personal meaning, which i am sure is easily guessed just by reading through my 'about me' and the post detailing the search for my yellow bird.

they still need some thought, and i am going to wait just to be sure i always want them. that being said, i have had my piercings for years, some since i was fourteen, and i havent regretted a single one yet. in fact, i miss the ones that have healed. it took four months of debating to just get my lip pierced. it takes me so long to actually get something, that when i finally get around to it, i love it for life.

any thoughts? this is a really big deal, and i want to know everything i can.

connected.

2010-05-03T23:44:00.002+02:00

[source]

i've finally caved and joined some of the numerous social networking sites. some of them are seeming a little pointless now, but i'm hoping i'll soon see the point!

i'm on ravelry, twitter, formspring, and tumblr.

i wanted to join twitter so i could text updates instead of blogging all the time, but it turns out that service isnt available in france. neither is sms blogger either. i guess nobody wants to make french versions, but i am still disappointed. hopefully, i can add some apps to romain's iphone.

if you have any of these, please add me or whatever is it you do!

thankful for...

2010-05-03T14:12:00.006+02:00

the foire de paris and a stand of russian matryoshkas aka nesting dolls. [i collect them.]

ro''s scooter and the ability to avoid the metro.

the return of my friends from an extended absence.

april showers, because they bring may flowers. [my garden is beginning to sprout!]

meeting the boy who will draw on my body permanently. [i found my tattoo artist. i cant believe it.]

[week 22]

thankful for...

2010-04-29T14:06:00.004+02:00

my windowsill garden.

those cans will soon be sunflowers, lavender, oregano, and belle du jour.

the plants on the side are muguet, and they bring good luck. or so the wrapping said.

the apartment to myself.

the compassion of a boyfriend when that solitude becomes loneliness.

picnics on the bank of the river marne.

house parties outside of paris.

being the only english-speaker at a party, but not being the only girl. [finally, french women!!]

a spring break spent speaking only frenglish.

[week 21]

thankful for...

2010-04-22T14:04:00.006+02:00

visits from friends who live in different countries. [megan!!]

finally sightseeing around paris.

blackcurrant sorbet.

free tickets to disneyland. again.

picnics on the side of the seine.

beers taken on terraces.

nights spent talking and playing cards.

[week 20]

a return, hopefully for good: week fourteen.

2010-04-21T15:50:00.002+02:00

oh wow it has been so long. im not even going to try to catch up on all of my old posts, i have forgotten those things completely. surprisingly, i havent missed blogging. my life has been great and busy, with spare moments leisurely enjoyed, responsibilities shirked and ignored, finances dwindling rapidly, and time spent with friends and people who are slowly becoming family. i cannot believe how time has gone so quickly, there now rests only 15 to 16 weeks until i depart, depending upon whether i leave in july or in august.

my french is progressing slowly. every time i think im getting better, understanding more and quicker, somebody comes along with a quick tongue and proves me wrong. the only strong change i see is i am losing my ability to speak english, and the way i phrase my sentences and my choice of words has become decidedly french. yesterday, i took a nap while ro played chat roulette with his friends. i dreamt about what they were saying, and understood more in my sleep than i do while awake. i think because i tense up, dont let the words flow through me, and try to pick apart every single word. i am going about this the wrong way. that being said, this morning i was able to watch a french cartoon and understand most.

my friends are making me jealous, off traveling to spain and italy or visiting home, while i rest here, chained by my bank account. as my father has lost his job, my back-up plan has evaporated and i can no longer afford to leave france, i might not even be able to afford to stay through july. i have spent the week alone, and am looking at another week sans mes amies. thankfully, ro has been able to sense just how upset this makes me [it might have been me crying over it multiple times, or maybe it was me saying 'i hate this moment' over and over] and has been trying to make up for it. he has decided not to leave me alone, except when he works. by the end of this time, i might be going into boyfriend-overdose. but those who read my blog regularly will know just how much it affects me to stay in one place for very long, how much i need to roam and travel, even though i absolutely adore the place i am in. it has literally been years since i have stayed in one place for this long, as i am coming up on five months without moving now. and though the place i am staying is france, the consolation of that runs out quickly. i have taken to riding the rer trains outside of paris, to the end of the lines in zone 5, just to feel like i am going somewhere. it is hard, to be seized with this much jealousy. i want to hear their stories, i want to be interested, but every time they come back with pictures and tales, i get antsy, sick to my stomach, and cannot sit still. this inability to travel is literally eating away at me. i have all of europe at the tips of my fingers, but am unable to do a thing about it.

i am starting my liquid diet today. i have been sick, my stomach hasnt emptied once, since my arrival in france. i cannot blame the french diet, the responsibility lies solely on my shoulders. i am not someone who can eat meat. yet, since september, i have been stuffing my face with all the meats i refused myself while in america. the thing that finally drove to me change, however, is of course my finances. i simply cannot afford to eat this much meat here. it is way too expensive. so i will empty my stomach, start fresh and cheap.

well, back to form, after way too long of a break. here is my weekly update!

13 april. [tuesday] i am on spring break! all i did was work, we had a picnic in front of the eiffel tower and played poker with penny centines. yep, i get paid to do that.

14 april. [wednesday] we had a work carnival, which started off super slowly. but i got to watch my students cover themselves in chantilly, or whipped cream. and then we played a game called "save the bacon" and i realized some of my students are actually cool. shocking. i had a friend from england coming in the next day, so i spent the night cleaning my apartment like crazy while katy packed for her trip. you remember megan, my bff while in england? well, she came to visit! luckily the weekend spent alone was made much better by her presence. it turns out shes studying abroad in california next semester. finally a reason to return back to the states, besides the obvious family, whom i miss dearly of course.

little sidenote: it is morning and ro just left for work. i am sat in the living room, typing. one of his friends spent the night and he just came out of my room in his underwear, posed like superman, turn around, sprinted back inside my room, and started yelling french obscenities out of my window. he was quickly answered, and proceeded to hold a conversation about the noise of construction. he then returned to the living room, answered my question of how he slept that he had left ignored, and asked for coffee. my opinion of arnold is, as of yet, undecided.

15 april. [thursday] i woke up bright and early, and headed to the eurostar station to pick up megan!! we then spent all day sightseeing. we went up the montparnasse tower, had a picnic at monceau, went to the arc de triomphe, climbed up the 284 steps, and were treated to another breathtaking view of paris. after, we walked down the champs elysees, attended a service at notre dame, and finally ate sushi with the boy.

16 april. [friday] again, we woke up early. but this time, for disneyland! there were no problems with the pirates of the carribean ride, but big thunder mountain did break down while we were queuing. i had never been to disneyland studios before, and i enjoyed it much more than the regular disney. megan works for disney, so this time i got in free again!

17 april. [saturday] we watched the man u game at an english club in the marais. i hadnt seen a game since leaving london, and it was fun to watch. after that, more sightseeing. we saw the eiffel tower during the day, cooked dinner, then went to see it again at night. we also went to sacre coeur, and walked down the pigalle/monmarte area. we even went up the eiffel tower, and got to see paris at night. it was a good end to megan's visit!

18 april. [sunday] megan left early in the morning, and i spent the day enjoying doing nothing. we had walked so much all weekend, and it was nice just to relax

19 april. [monday] the boy took me to spend the night at arnold's house. it was the first time i had been "out of paris" with him, and i didnt know what to expect. the banlieues are nothing like paris. they are quaint, and small, with houses close together but still separate. the houses look like french cottages, and remind me of the countryside. we ate saucisson, talked for a bit, and went to bed uneventfully.

20 april. [tuesday] ro didnt work during the day, so we had a picnic on the marne and they drove me around, showing me where he grew up. we also went shoping, but due to my money situation, i bought nothing. ro did, however, buy me a few plants for my garden. that night, ro skipped work and we went to a french version of a kickback/barbecue. i met a few of his close friends, whom i have never met before. for the first time in my experience here, i was at a place where the number of french woman was equal to the number of french men. in fact, with the addition of me, the girls outnumbered the boys! that has never happened before, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. i didnt realize it, but this marked the beginning of an entire week spent only with french people, and thus, speaking only french. it was good to see what life would be like if i stayed on after all my american friends left: confusing, life would be exhausting and confusing. but i could have some girl friends, which i didnt think possible before.

weekly highlights:

dates: 13-20 april [days 98-104]
sights seen: many places in paris i had never been!

something new: i attended a church service in french. i'm not religious, but megan is.
someone new: the boys friends! most notably, THE ex!
somewhere new: the banlieues.

what i miss: speaking english. my friends. megan.
what i love: speaking french. the boy's friends. paris.
what i'm not so sure of: speaking french. how long i have left. money.

thankful for...

2010-04-15T13:42:00.005+02:00

ma recette du piquenique parfait [my recipe for a perfect picnic]:

saucisson sec [dried sausage]

fromage de chevre [goat cheese]

une baguette [a crusty stick of bread with a fluffy center]

coca light [diet coke]

vin [wine]

mes amis [my friends]

le printemps et le soleil [spring and sunshine]

[week 19]