Yel's Blog

Too Long To Be a Myface Status Update

2018-06-27T14:23:00.000-04:00

Shirley feels like it's becoming increasingly difficult to recognize this once (way back in 2015 for example) wonderful country, because of the Supreme Court permitting the exclusion of immigrants based on religion, the government caging children they stole from non-violent parents, and the government turning away asylum seekers. Oh, I guess the latter isn't new though, since FDR did the same thing to Jews during the Holocaust. But it's still rather un-American. Btw, if we're going to ban all the Muslims because many terrorists are Muslim, then shouldn't we ban all the white Christians because many mass shooters are white Christians? And as long as we're on this digression regarding inconsistency, why are extremist conservatives so angry about government employees such as Sarah Huckabee Sanders being turned away from businesses, when those same extremist conservatives think it's proper for businesses to turn away a gay couple who want a cake for their wedding? Since this Myface (Facebook) status update is so long, should it have been a blog post instead? Yes, yes it should. And so it is.

#MAGALIWI2015 (Hashtag Make America Great Again Like It Was In 2015)

What Ever Happened to the Best Cereal EVER?

2017-11-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

I have written previously of the gloriously delicious and banana-y Banana Nut Cheerios, when I declared it Best Cereal EVER! I have since enjoyed it periodically, for as I stated in that post, I am not much of a cereal person in general. However, for some time, these wonderful Cheerios seemed to have vanished. So you can imagine my delight when they suddenly re-appeared on a supermarket shelf and shortly thereafter in my home. But my delight ended before my tummy received the cheery o's. The Banana Nut Cheerios were little o-shaped imposters.

They did not taste strongly of banana; rather, they tasted mildly of it for the first bite, followed by increasing…something else. 'Twas a flavor I could not put my finger on. Sugary? Sort of. Maple-y? Maybe. Brown-sugar-y? Um, I don't know. Of course, despite my disappointment, I continued to eat them, trying to re-attain the banana-y flavor I so yearned for.

In my previous post regarding these Cheerios, I explained that milk, especially real milk, brings out more of the delicious flavors. Therefore, I must assure you, I did indeed have real milk with my not-so-Banana Nut Cheerios. If you must know, it was a fancy organic and even grass-fed milk. 'Twas my first time having such a fancy milk. I was surprised to find I did not moo as a result of imbibing it. I did not moo at all.

I was uncertain if the lost banana flavor was General Mill's fault or mine own. Perhaps I had a taste in my mouth that altered the cereal, or perhaps my taste buds were on the fritz.

So I conducted thorough research into whether the Banana Nut Cheerio recipe had changed. Of course, by "thorough research," I mean I quickly Googled. In so researching, I learned that the mysterious absence of Banana Nut Cheerios was due to an evil and cruel discontinuation of said cereal two flippin' years ago! Didn't they know I love them? Why would they do such a treacherous thing? Anyhoo, they made what could have been a triumphant albeit limited-time return recently. I then compared the old ingredients to the new ingredients, and it most certainly has changed.

Ironically, the changes in ingredients suggest an improvement in quality and healthiness. There are no longer any chemical-sounding words in the ingredients list, and almonds have been replaced with pecans and cinnamon (I mean, "natural flavors" of these things). There are 10 more calories per the same sized serving of 3/4 cup, and 1 gram less sugar. Instead of a combination of whole grain corn and oats, it's now just whole grain oats. None of this should be bad, except maybe the 10 more calories, though that's only a problem if you have many servings at once (as some people do).

I realized the problem was probably that the pecan and cinnamon flavors are stealing the spotlight from the banana, and those were probably the flavors I couldn't put my finger on. Almonds (or "natural almond flavor" as it were) are probably more mild, and certainly a lack of cinnamon would keep the spotlight on the banana. The old recipe got one important thing right: it knew that bananas were the star of the show.

With my new understanding of what the new Banana Nut Cheerios are, I decided to give them another chance. This time, I had the cereal with Lactaid, another (less) fancy milk whose lactose is removed or something. I don't think the type of real milk made a difference in this case because the cereal tasted the same as it did before. However, my expectations and understandings were different, as I no longer expected anything all that banana-y, and I did expect cinnamon and pecan flavors. And so it was. Because I was no longer distracted by my disappoint in lack of banana flavor, I was able to experience the cinnamon pecan flavor as the initial banana faded. While it is no longer the best cereal ever, and it is not a yummy banana-y cereal, it is a yummy cereal with an initial hint of banana. I can still recommend it, but not as whole-heartedly as I once could.

Dearest M&Ms, You Can Fix This Great Blunder

2017-06-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

I must preface this by explaining that I have a life-long love of M&Ms. Since I was a young-un, I have enjoyed every advertising campaign, and I have enjoyed every variety of M&M. I have even fallen for strange new packaging; "What?! M&Ms in a TUBE??? I MUST have them!" M&M advertising strikes such a lovely chord for me, that in college, I had some plush M&M characters adorning a portion of the wall in my dorm room in a lovely castle (that's right, I was a princess for two years). Furthermore, my love for M&Ms extends beyond the M&M sub-brand, in that I think I love all the Martian chocolates (chocolate from Mars Bars* would be Martian, correcto?)

Therefore, you can imagine my joyfulness and delight when I saw the adorable and funny commercial regarding the new and very exciting Caramel M&Ms. I acquired these new M&Ms as soon as I could, and eagerly ate one. "Ugh, maybe I had a bad taste in my mouth." I tried another, this time biting half of it so I could gaze upon the lovely layers, as one does. I ate both halves slowly, being sure to eliminate any pre-existing tastes in my mouth. My palate was cleared of all but Caramel M&M. The next one would surely be better. I tried another, this time eating it like a normal person might, since, as a not-so-normal, I can only guess what a normal might do. Still no good. I ate one more, for I became determined to ascertain the cause of this bizarre lack of deliciousness. I ate this one more slowly and delicately, trying to savor and separate the flavors in the three layers (caramel, chocolate, and candy). "Ugh, the caramel is gritty, and it's trying to taste like yummy caramel, but isn't quite doing it right." That was it – the caramel is no good. How could the wonderful Martians that created the Milky Way with all its delicious parts including delicious caramel, make this caramel blunder?!

Mars Bars, please, if you are reading this, or even if you're not, please fix it. Make the caramel smooth and delicious, as caramel should be. I believe you can fix the disgusting gustatory atrocities you dare call Caramel M&Ms. They are undeserving of such a beautiful name and such a wonderful commercial. Red was right.

*I know Mars Bars is really just Mars, and I've never actually had the thing called a Mars Bar, but Mars Bars rhymes, and I enjoy things that rhyme, so that is how I shall refer to the Martian chocolate company. I apologize for any inconvenience this might cause.

Sinister Soul

2017-01-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

Why dost thou hurt me so, Sinister Soul?

Dost thou seek vengeance?

I know not of what I have done

To thee, or to thy sister, Sinister Soul.

Wilt thou free me of this pain

That thou hast inflicted upon me?

Or shalt the pain remain?

I step upon thee as I move forward,

Or rather, I step with thee;

With thee, and upon thee.

Thou propelest me;

Thou compelest me.

I stand over thee,

And I stand still.

I step with thee,

And I move forward.

Alas, the Sinister Soul of which I speak

Is a part of me.

Sinister Soul, thou art my Sinister Soul.

Thou liest beneath my Sinister Foot.

My Sinister Soul aches so verily.

Dost thou hurt me?

Or do I hurt thee?

'Tis a dichotomy.

Sometimes, my Sinister Soul

Is itchy.

Oh dear, Sinister Soul,

I have misspelled thee!

I did not know, or recall anyway

That you are without a "u"

And silently bear an "e."

Oh, Dear Sinister Sole,

Canst thou forgive me

For mine orthographic atrocity?

In Defense of Trump Supporters and Why They're Wrong

2016-12-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

Before I get to the Trump supporters, I must write about the petition that is attempting to stop Trump and why I signed it. I am politically opposed to Donald Trump, and I have grown to like Hillary Clinton, to the extent that I can like a politician, that is. But those things have nothing to do with why I signed the Change Dot Org petition. I signed it because Donald Trump is dangerous; he is a threat to everything that makes America great. Did you see what I did there? I turned his motto against him. I go girl.

The petition is asking the electors to not vote for Trump even if they're "supposed" to since the whole point of the Electoral College is to keep the people from voting for someone who is unfit for the presidency. Since Hillary won the popular vote anyway, going "against" what the electors are "supposed" to do wouldn't actually oppose the will of the people. I think the other point of the Electoral College is to help the smaller states be more represented, but I feel like that is less important than the popular vote and the understanding that Trump is dangerous. I don't know if the petition will actually make a difference, but I signed it anyway, because it's something I can do. I did hesitate before signing because of things like democracy and the peaceful transition of power, but decided to do it for the reasons I just stated.

I want to be clear regarding my reasons for signing the petition: it isn't because I disagree with Trump politically, even though I do. This isn't about politics. It's because he is dangerous. I would never have signed such a petition against George W. Bush, for example, even though Al Gore won the popular vote and even though I knew (and was proven correct) that W would start wars, run the country into the ground economically, and stifle stem cell research. Those are political things; he was not a danger to the very fabric of what America stands for.

As I understand it, the main purpose of the Electoral College is to prevent a demagogue from becoming president. I have to admit, I had to look up the definition of demagogue to gain a clearer and better understanding of what the eff that means. Alarmingly, both Google's and Webster's definitions of demagogue seem to be providing frighteningly precise descriptions of Donald Trump's behavior. The Google definition is clearer: "a political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument."

And now, onto the actual purpose of this post: my defense of Trump supporters. Before I defend them, I shall offend them.

There are many (two that I know of anyway) people who feel that many Trump supporters are some form of piece of crap, or deplorable, as Hillary more eloquently put it. I don't think she was wrong to make that statement, since the things she was describing are unquestionably deplorable, and she was obviously not talking about all Trump supporters. This deplorable sect of supporters seem to be racist, homophobic, white supremacists, opposed to religious freedom, etc, etc, etc. I am quite sure that there is at least a portion of Trump supporters that fit these categories of pieces of crap, evidenced by the fact that the KKK support Trump, since the KKK is obviously composed of pieces of crap as described here. For the record, I don't think the pieces of crap are limited to the KKK, based on things I've heard from non-KKK Trump supporters. However, I am quite sure that these categories do not apply to all Trump supporters; in fact, I personally know at least one who is none of those deplorable things. But even the non-deplorable among them have chosen to elect a distributor of deplorable; I saw on Myface (Facebook) a post that stated that all Trump supporters might not be racist, but racism wasn't a deal-breaker for them. That sums it up nicely, I think. So now that I have offended the Trump supporters, I shall, at long last, defend them.

I will not be defending the deplorable portion of Trump supporters, i.e. the racists, homophobes, misogynists, etc. I will be defending the ones who are not deplorable, for whom deplorable things about Trump were not a deal-breaker.

As crazy as it sounds, I think there are people who wanted to vote for someone who holds their political views. Some of those people, mostly Republicans probably, only saw one political option, and it wasn't Hillary Clinton. To be honest, while I understand the political opposition to Hillary by Republicans, it strikes me as odd since she seems moderate to me, and therefore potentially appealing to both parties. But then again, I also think the same thing of President Obama and John McCain, both of whom are opposed by the other party. Perhaps this is reflective of people's inability to compromise on anything. But I digress.

Those Republicans were left with one awful candidate who claims to hold their Republican views, and I think they felt like they couldn't bear to vote for someone on the Democratic side, even though she is moderate. Oh, I guess the above paragraph wasn't actually a digression after all. They couldn't bear to compromise their political views, even if it meant electing a dangerous demagogue.

I had trouble empathizing with these voters, until I really imagined myself in their position (I'm normally better at empathy than that, I think). I imagined a scenario in which an alleged Democratic version of Trump (so Trump from a few years ago then) but with the current state of crazies would run against a Republican whom I find vile as a person (because it seems there are people who hate Hillary as a person as well as a politician) and whose political views are contrary to mine. So Ted Cruz. I imagined a Democratic but still just as dangerous version of Trump running against Ted Cruz. What would I do? I disagree with Cruz on probably everything, and I don't like anything about him at all. But he's not a danger to our beloved country the way Trump is. Cruz wouldn't start a nuclear war because someone hurt his feelings on Twitter. He wouldn't scapegoat entire races of people the way Hitler did. He wouldn't attack journalistic freedom. I would like to believe that I would be able to look past the politics, since this really isn't about politics, and vote for the person who is least evil and least dangerous for our country and its people. I think I would be able to do that, as hard as it would be to vote for Ted Cruz, because ever since I was little, I understood that politics is always a choice of bad and worse, and we must vote for the lesser of the evils. In my scenario, Ted Cruz is clearly the lesser of evils when compared to Trump. While I believe I would ultimately make the right choice and cast the sane vote for Ted Cruz, it would be an incredibly hard decision to make and it would hurt my soul to cast that vote. So I understand the non-deplorable Trump supporters; it probably would have been too hard for them to vote for Hillary.

And now, I shall get to the part about why the Trump supporters I just defended are wrong. I do understand how hard their decision was, but they made the wrong one. They should have been stronger; they should have made the difficult decision to vote against their views that are merely political, and vote for the person who is not a danger to our beloved country and beautiful Earth. They made the wrong decision. Now we must all suffer the consequences. This isn't about politics.

Idol Joy

2013-05-08T23:36:00.000-04:00

SPOILER ALERT: American Idol Season 12 Top 4 results are mentioned below.

On March 9, 2013, I added the following to the end of an update at the end of this blog posting about the 2012 season of American Idol:

"If you're interested in my Idol thoughts regarding the 2013 batch, there are currently only four of the Top 10 who I really like, in the following order: Kree Harrison, Lazaro Arbos, Angie Miller, and Devin Velez. While he is not in the Top 10, I also really like Charlie Askew, who has a wonderfully apt last name that appears to be real. I hope he finds success and happiness. Aside from talk of her last name or whether she is pleasantly askew, the same could be said of Aubrey Cleland."

Today, I almost added another update to that blog posting, but then realized this should be a whole new blog posting. The following is that new blosting (I didn't want to say "blog posing" again...Oops):

Sometime since the 2013 Top Ten were revealed, I grew to also love Candice Glover. I am now thrilled with the Top 3 such that I would be equally happy with any one of them winning. Off the top of my head, I cannot recall another Top 3 that I have loved so very much and so very equally. I want there to be a three way tie.

Regarding my other two (non-Top-3) favorites, my love for them dwindled a bit since both of them took some time off from being great. Devin never redeemed himself until his Save Me song (or whatever Idol calls it) and I was therefore not sad to see him get voted out. Lazaro did redeem himself after a few less than wonderful performances, but by the time he was voted out, most of the other contestants were just better than him, so I wasn't heartbroken. However, I do still love him.

Regarding a non-favorite who I did not mention previously, I do not currently nor have I ever loved Amber Holcomb, and the judges' and Jimmy Iovine's love for her has baffled me throughout this competition, which is interesting since Jimmy once said that he was baffled as to why America doesn't seem to love her like the Idol people do. I can't speak for all of America, but from my tone-deaf perspective, Amber seems to spend about half her singing time off key. I think she has had exactly two performances that were good, and I can't remember what they were (which might itself be another indication of why I don't love her). Anyway, I was thrilled that she was voted out, leaving this magnificent Top 3.

Please note, my comments about all these people refer only to their singings and performances. I love them all as TV-people, since they all seem to be good people and/or are good at being people.

More Economics from a Dummy

2013-02-24T12:01:00.000-05:00

The following has existed as an unpublished draft for more than a year with the second half added a few months ago. Most of it is probably not relevant anymore. Enjoy!

As I explained previously, I know just about nothing about economics and my interest in it is nearly non-existent as well, to the extent that I would rather learn about the cell biology of how grass grows or the quantum physics of how paint dries than about economics. However, I have been thinking a little bit about some of the things I put forth in my economic theory, and I think I need to add to it. Like most sequels, this is not as good as the first one.

Fun with Flat Taxes

One of the disjointed parts of my theory involved a flat tax for all. Recently, flat taxes have been the topic of ridicule via the ridicule of Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan. I learned about that plant from a chart someone posted on Facebook, and some googling I did later (though I apparently didn't save the links I learned from). It seems that Herman Cain would charge a 9% income tax for people and corporations, and a 9% national sales tax to either replace or add to state taxes. I’m not clear on the latter because I’m not clear on the difference between the apples and oranges he keeps talking about in the clips of debates I’ve seen on The Daily Show and/or Colbert Report (like this one). Herman Cain would also remove all tax deductions. Based on other clips of things I’ve seen on The Daily Colbert (here's one), it seems that Rick Perry also has a flat tax plan where he would charge 20% taxes for all while keeping tax deductions in place. (Herman Cain and Rick Perry were Republican candidates who lost the primaries for the 2012 presidential election. These now-obscure references are partially what render this blog posting no longer relevant.)

Obviously, Herman Cain and Rick Perry got these ideas from my blog, because there is simply no other possible explanation of how one could think of a flat tax or simplifying the overly complicated tax code. I spoke of a flat tax, as part of my three-disjointed-pronged economic plan that could easily make me president, and they took that idea and added some stuff that I do not approve of and never intended for. Please note: I am not crazy (at least in this respect), nor am I serious about having any part in Herman Cain’s or Rick Perry’s plan making.

Lots of people (well, at least one person) feel that Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan is a terrible idea, and I agree for the reasons those people state. Someone at the Huffington Post explained that it would end up taxing lower income people a bit more than they are currently taxed, and it would drastically reduce taxes for corporations and the very wealthy by a lot. I haven’t googled Rick Perry’s plan, but it seems like it might be an improvement on Cain’s plan. Clearly, that’s quite an endorsement, since it is coming from my uneconomical brain via my blog-typing fingers, I mean digits (because digits are economically related!).

While Herman Cain’s flat tax plan is clearly not fair and good, I still believe that my flat tax plan could be fair and good. My plan is extremely vague, which leaves it open to suggestions from people who know about the economics. If you don’t feel like going back and reading about my plan, I will re-state it and de-Cain it here: We should pick some percentage, and charge that percentage of tax to all people. I don’t know what that percentage would be, but I would want it to be a fair one for all. Furthermore, this would only apply to taxable people, and says nothing about how to tax corporations. Despite what the Supreme Court says, I cannot include corporations in the semantics of “People”; my brain simply won’t allow it. Thus, how to tax corporations is another thing that is left vague in my tax plan for people smarter and more knowledgeable than I to handle when I become president. I’m kidding of course -- I still won’t run for president. Anyhoo, my tax plan would not have anything to do with sales tax, since I would never have thought of changing the way sales tax is, and after reading the Huff-Po article, it’s clear that it would be wrong to give the power of sales tax to the Federal Government. Regarding Herman Cain’s removal of all tax deductions, I think I would leave that vague also, because I think some deductions are good, so long as they don’t allow people to screw over the government via loopholes and abuses and such. Yes, I think that is sufficiently vague to ensure success.

Speculators are Evil! Eeeeeeviiiiiil!

One of the other disjointed portions of my theory states that commodities trading is wrong and should be eradicated. Later, it occurred to me that there is a precedent for my proposed illegalization of commodities trading: insider trading! Like insider trading, commodities trading hurts the whole economy while benefiting a few traders. I assume that is why insider trading is illegal, and so, commodities trading should be too.

Political Predictions

This does not in any way bring me to another disjointed, unrelated point. This point is so unrelated, in fact, that it has very little to do with economics. Jon Stewart delineated the bizarre doomsday-like predictions Republican presidential candidates make and have made in the past regarding the horrors that would befall this great land if Obama was/is (re)-elected. He highlighted the bizarreness of these predictions by emphasizing that the previous predictions have not come to fruition. This brought to my mind the predictions I made about what could happen if George W. Bush were elected president. The difference, however, is that my predictions came true, except that W. was not actually elected (the first time anyway).

At the time of my correct predictions, this blog did not exist. Instead, I had a verbal blog, i.e. I occasionally told people what my thoughts were. Thus, I verbally pre-blogged (or “told”) at least one family member or friend (but probably more than one) that if George W. Bush became president, we would undoubtedly go to war, and the economy would suffer. Obviously both things happened.

The economy thing could have happened anyway. From what I barely understand, it seems that it is possible that the economy simply goes through cycles, and whoever is president at the time either gets credit for a strong economy, or is blamed for a bad economy. However, I’m pretty sure President W. Bush caused all these economic problems we have now that I am trying to fix via this blog. I know this because I heard during Mr. W. Bush’s campaign that he ran every business he had ever owned into the ground, so I naturally deduced that he would therefore run this country into the ground, since its economy is but a giant business (or so I assume).

I knew that Present W. Bush would bring us to war because he stated during his campaign that if anyone, in any way, attacked us or harmed us or whatever, we would go to war. He said this in such a way that sounded to me as if he were looking to go to war, and would react to any trigger with war. Clearly, that made me nervous.

So, to conclude, I was right, but I wasn’t making crazy predictions based on nothing; I was making accurate predictions based on things I heard during a presidential campaign. Furthermore, I am a predicting genius! But I sill won’t run for president!

No Alternative to the Hunger Games

2012-06-10T10:30:00.000-04:00

***SPOILER ALERT: The Hunger Games trilogy (novels, not the movie) is discussed below.***

WARNING: Please do not steal my words or thoughts without crediting/citing me. Thank you.

After reading The Hunger Games trilogy and discussing the end of it with a friend, I thought I might attempt to write an alternate ending. This friend was deeply disappointed with the actual ending, feeling that the tone of the trilogy had shifted, causing our strong and heroic Katniss Everdeen to wither into a sobbing, weak, and pathetic not-so-hero. While I felt this ending was fitting to the trilogy, I thought an alternate ending could fix the problem that my friend was having with it. However, I have come to the conclusion that the trilogy ended as it should have, and that it therefore should not be tampered with.

During my young adulthood, I disliked happy endings in fiction, for they rarely reflect reality and render otherwise moving tales stagnant. However, now in my old age (early 30’s), I have found myself craving happy endings, for fiction is an escape from harsh and painful reality. But the fact is, happy endings don’t have the effect of tragic ones; they don’t stay with you – they don’t forever change you as tragic endings can. “They lived happily ever after” is idealistic, optimistic, hopeful, happy, and unattainable. “They died tragically” and “They tragically fell from grace and heroism” can motivate human brains/minds to think, change, grow, and flourish.

The Hunger Games trilogy does not have a purely happy ending, nor does it have a purely tragic one. It is bittersweet – simultaneously deeply and painfully tragic, and deeply and genuinely blissful. Katniss lost so much throughout the books, yet she appeared to be unbreakable. However, with each struggle, she cracked, until the ultimate destruction of her spirit and fire, fueled by the murder of her little sister Prim, Prim was the source of her fire, the source of her Mockingjay wings, and the source of her drive to fight and to live. Without Prim, she could never be the Katniss that she had been – her flame was gone. However, her ability to survive and love remained, kindled by Peeta, "the boy with the bread." The rebellion was successful; because of Katniss, who had the good judgment (because this is fiction) to kill the evil President Coin, the country of Panem could live up to its name and nourish its people with the metaphoric bread of freedom. Katniss, Peeta, and their children could live happily ever after, with her tragically extinguished but happily though more weakly rekindled flame.

President Snow was never able to extinguish Katniss, "the girl that was on fire." When President Coin was introduced, her eyes were described as the color of slush, which led me to believe she was a watered down version of Snow. However, in the end it became clear that she was in fact, the waterlogged version of Snow – Snow made heavier with water, finally able to extinguish the girl that was on fire by extinguishing Prim, the source of Katniss’s flame. Snow attempted to destroy Katniss by hijacking Peeta, her biggest fan, and turning him into a weapon programmed to kill her, but Coin took this concept further. Not only did she (unsuccessfully) attempt to use the hijacked Peeta to kill Katniss once she was no longer useful to Coin, but she used Katniss’s best friend Gale’s idea in her murder of Prim, and she thus used two of the most important people in Katniss’s life as weapons against her. Where Snow’s evil plans failed, Coin’s psychopathically evil plan succeeded to the extent that she destroyed the fiery essence of Katniss. Unfortunately for Coin, however, Katniss remained intact long enough to rightfully kill Coin.

Coin did not hunger for freedom for all; she only hungered for power, as her monetary name suggests, since money is power. Her decision to have another Hunger Games with Capitol children as revenge demonstrates that she and Snow are two sides of the same coin, and clearly elucidates that she would perpetuate Snow’s tyranny, rendering the revolution utterly pointless since they would undoubtedly revert to their old, oppressive ways. Katniss agreed to this Hunger Games proposal, allegedly for Prim’s sake, but that didn’t make any sense, since Prim would certainly never want such a thing. I’m still somewhat unsure of whether Coin or Snow killed Prim and the Capitol children, but either way, killing more children simply couldn’t improve the situation. This was blind revenge gone too far. Katniss’s obsession with seeking vengeance on Snow had bloomed like Snow's rancid rose into something horrible. Driven by revenge, revenge on the innocent children of what might be the wrong people, Katniss had become her own enemy, the Capitol. She no longer saw who the real enemy was. Katniss came to her senses when she killed Coin, which is of course ironic since she was exonerated via insanity. She killed Coin partially as revenge for Prim’s murder since Coin was the most likely culprit; however since the culprit remains unclear, her true motivation was to defeat the real enemy: the oppressive Capitol that Coin presided over. Katniss realized that it didn’t matter who killed Prim, for revenge on her murderer would not provide a purpose to her death or all the others who died for the rebellion, but ending oppression and allowing for a true revolution would. Coin’s death marked the end of oppression, and the end of the Hunger Games. Obviously, Snow also had to die, even though his death alone would not have ended the oppressive era as Coin’s death did. Regardless of whether Snow killed Prim or not, he oppressed, killed, and pimped so many people for so long. He allowed the Hunger Games to go on. I’m glad he died, but I wish there had been a way for Katniss to do the honors. Come to think of it, perhaps she did cause his death. He died after Katniss killed Coin, either by choking on his bloody laughter or by the ensuing mob, both of which were caused by her assassination of Coin. Therefore, Katniss did kill Snow, albeit indirectly. Woohoo.

Regarding my uncertainty about who killed Prim via the two part exploding silver parachutes deployed from the Capitol hovercraft, I am leaning toward Coin and the rebels. I remain unsure, though, because if it really was Plutarch and Coin, one would think that rebel medics wouldn't go to help the injured children, and Capitol medics would, however, the reverse is true. I imagine Coin could have been willing to sacrifice some medics, particularly since Prim was among them, to make Snow look even more horrible, in case recklessly killing Capitol children wasn’t enough to drive a wedge between the Capitol citizens and Snow, and thus quickly ending the war. Snow claimed that he could not be behind the silver parachute murders because there would be no purpose for him to kill those children, however, if the real target was Katniss the Mockingjay, symbolic leader of the rebellion, there would certainly be sufficient purpose from his evil perspective, because Snow killing Katniss could have quickly ended the rebellion with the Capitol as victor, and he wanted to kill her anyway. Since the compassionate people who went to help the children injured by the first set of explosions were part of the target, and since Katniss and Prim are compassionate, Katniss (or Katniss via Prim) is clearly the intended target of the exploding silver parachutes, and therefore both Snow and Coin could be culpable since they both wanted Katniss dead or destroyed. The fact that the trap utilized the concept that Gale described suggests that it was Coin and the rebels, however, Gale thinks like the enemy to create his traps, which suggests that it could have been Snow. Snow’s amusement at Katniss’s assassination of Coin suggests that he was not the perpetrator, amused by the fair and just assassination of his enemy; however, it could also indicate his joy at successfully manipulating Katniss to wrongly believe that Coin was the culprit. The latter seems more in line with Snow’s character, particularly Snow’s hijacking of Peeta, and if that is the case, then the joke is on Snow, since Katniss killed Coin for the sake of the revolution and not (as much) for revenge. Despite all of my confusion and evidence on both sides, I think the book (or I suppose its author) expects us to believe that Coin killed Prim.

Getting back to the trilogy’s ending, Katniss’s “happily ever after” could only happen with Peeta. I don’t believe she was ever in love with Gale, though she obviously loved him dearly. Throughout the trilogy, she fell in love with Peeta while growing apart from Gale. Perhaps the shared experiences with Peeta and lack thereof with Gale contributed to this, as people sometimes do grow together and apart with shared and unshared life-changing experiences such as three Hunger Games, or three wars, but of which happened, since the Hunger Games are partially controlled wars. Gale’s unintentional hand in killing Prim sealed his separation from Katniss, because aside from the obvious (that Katniss always cared more about Prim than herself), it crystallized the fact that Gale lacks compassion, as demonstrated by his concept that was behind the trap that killed Prim, which takes advantage of human compassion. Peeta, on the other hand, is the essence of compassion. Through two Hunger Games and a revolutionary war, he managed to avoid intentionally killing anyone (unless I’m remembering wrong). Furthermore, Peeta brought Katniss back to life twice: after her father died and after Prim died. He gave her the bread that gave her the hope and therefore the ability to survive and he planted the primrose bushes to give her hope once again, that she could survive. Thus, Gale’s bomb concept killed Prim, whereas Peeta salvaged Prim’s spirit when he planted the primrose bushes for Katniss. Gale still had an essential role in her life, since he salvaged her family’s past and her bow and arrows. Peeta’s primrose bushes and Gale’s bow saving are what revived and rekindled Katniss and returned her to herself, at least to the extent that was possible.

Katniss never wanted children because she didn’t want them to fallow in her footsteps in the Hunger Games, but the Hunger Games no longer existed, so her children could play in the meadow of freedom and safety as the lullaby she sang to a dying Rue promised, and that was all Katniss ever wanted. Even this is marred with tragedy, in that the happy meadow lies above the mass grave of the fallen citizens of Katniss’s home, a place where I think a memorial garden might have been a nice gesture. In the end, Katniss is as happy as she could be, amidst the tragic circumstances.

If I were to write an alternate ending, Prim would have to not die, for without Prim, Katniss has to be transformed as she is at the end of the trilogy. But if Prim hadn’t died, Katniss would not have had the fuel to kill Coin, so perhaps in my alternate ending, Katniss could be fueled with the desire to make Prim’s death meaningful beyond Coin’s assassination and the successful end of the rebellion. I had incorrectly predicted while reading the trilogy that Katniss Everdeen, as her last name suggests (Everdeen = ever + dean = always leads), would become the leader of the new, post-rebellion country. (Apparently, I was only correct to the extent that she was the leader of the rebellion as the Mockingjay). Therefore, in my alternate ending that I’m not writing, Katniss would become the democratically elected president of Panem, where she would ensure that oppression would become a thing of the past. Of course, this does happen in the trilogy, except with President Paylor rather than President Everdeen, so my ending would simply maintain Katniss as the still-unbreakable hero.

My alternate ending would still be bittersweet. Even though I would still have Katniss and Peeta together with their kids, Katniss could never be happy as President. Presidents live in the spotlight, they perform for the camera, and some are puppets of other political leaders or movements. Her marriage to Peeta would be in the spotlight too, and even after her time as president ends, for the rest of her life, she and her family would remain highlighted in the public eye, always performing for the cameras. She would never feel that her love or her life were real, because there would always be an element of performance, of fakeness. In the real ending, there are no cameras, and there is no spotlight – there is no reality show. There is only reality. She believes her life is how it would have been if there had been no Hunger Games, and if she were president, she could never have that luxury. And that is why the end cannot be altered. It is perfect, because Katniss is happy, even if relatively flameless, weak, and irreversibly broken. Furthermore, she did give Prim’s death meaning beyond the end of oppression in that she lived a happy and free life; her life is not only free from oppression, but it is free of the puppet strings wielded by people in power.

As I wrote this blog posting, the true meaning of Katniss Everdeen’s last name materialized in my brain. Aside from indicating her role as leader of the rebellion, it also signifies the role her father played throughout her life, since her last name came from her father, as last names often do. Her father, in his life and after his death, has educated and guided her through every struggle she has faced. He would always be with her.

This strengthens my belief that the book ended as it should, given that we make a few assumptions about Katniss’s family’s future. In the end, Katniss states that she does still have her fire, fueled now by the hope that Peeta brings and by the desire to give meaning and purpose to the deaths of Prim and all the others who died for the freedom of Panem. Their is evidence for Katniss's new fire; she returned to her hunting ways and I choose to assume that she is proud of her part in history, though she is plagued by PTSD. I incorrectly predicted sometime during the first book that what we are reading is Katniss telling her children about her experiences long after the successful rebellion. I was correct in my predictions that there would be a rebellion, that it would be successful, and that she would have children since the only reason she insisted that she didn’t want children was because of the Hunger Games. It is still possible that Katniss could tell her children of her experiences and the crucial part she and their father played in the revolution that gave them freedom, since the trilogy ends with the children still rather young. Thus, I choose to believe in a post-epilogue where she will tell her children, and that the books are that history lesson. I also choose to believe that she teaches her children to hunt as well, so her father’s teachings will be passed from generation to generation, forever guiding, forever educating, and forever leading.

A Sad Idol Day

2012-04-20T12:47:00.000-04:00

**SPOILER ALERT AI-11 Top 7 parts 1 and 2 results are discussed below.***

I am heartbroken and shocked that Colton Dixon was voted off American Idol. He should have won. I couldn’t even vote for him because I couldn’t get through, which is normally an indication that a contestant will not be eliminated. Therefore, this is obviously a big conspiracy.

Colton could have at least been the traditional “shocking” Top 4 elimination, as Chris Daughtry was so many successful years ago. Colton certainly should not have been voted out at the Top 7 level. Last week, the judges were absolutely correct to use their save for Jessica Sanchez, because she and her massive talent also don’t deserve to be voted out this early. Since Colton was removed, I now believe that Jessica should win, with Joshua Ledet as the runner up, and Hollie Cavanagh in the Top 3 (since she has improved so much). Regarding Skylar Laine and Phillip Phillips, I do think they are quite talented; however, I’m simply not the biggest fan of either. I am a bit of a fan of Elise Testone, but I don’t think she is as talented as the rest of the Top 7.

Someone on the TV suggested that Colton was voted out because of his performance of Lady Gaga’s "Bad Romance," however, I loved that performance – I love what he did with what is probably Gaga’s best song ever. My guess is that the red blob he added to his newly blond hair might have had something to do with his removal. However, as I stated previously, his talent is so phenomenal that what he does to his hair is rendered less significant. Anyway, regardless of why he was (wrongly) voted out, it shouldn’t have happened, and I know that he will be successful. I very much look forward to buying his CD when it is released, for there is no doubt that there will be one to begin his (knock on wood) long and successful career, and that it will be amazing.

The dimly bright side to Colton’s elimination is that I can now go ahead and buy all of his things on iTunes. You see, I am not a fan of iTunes (I love Amazon MP3), so I was waiting until the season was over to go and purchase all the American Idol contestants' songs that I want, and thusly minimize my exposure to the dreadful iTunes. Since Colton’s are the only songs that I absolutely need to own, I will go ahead and buy his songs now. Perhaps I will make another journey to the iTunes hellscape at the end of the season for some of the other songs of the other contestants, but such a treacherous venture might not happen. I wish these things were not exclusive to iTunes, for Amazon MP3 is so much better.

UPDATE April 24, 2012

I saw Colton on the TV, and he has removed the red blob from his hair, so he obviously read my blog and took my implied advice! There is no other possible explanation! Woohoo! Unfortunately, however, his hair remains blond.

I was listening to one of Chris Daughtry’s Idol performances (his best one ever), and I realized that I love Colton the way I love Daughtry. They both have the kind of voice, emotion, and talent that reaches deep within my soul and brain, captivating me and causing me to mutter with admiration, “OMG, I love him so much.” While Daughtry’s effect is stronger than Colton’s, Colton’s effect is still undeniable. This provides further certainty that Colton will be tremendously successful.

UPDATE March 9, 2013
SPOILER ALERT: American Idol Season 12 Top 10 results are mentioned below.

It seems that my hopes and predictions were wrong, in that Jessica Sanchez did not win, but rather was runner up to Phillip Phillips. I did end up venturing back into the iTunes hellscape to purchase some of Jessica's Idol songs, and I will likely buy her debut album when it is released this Spring. Moments ago, I purchased Colton Dixon's album A Messenger, which is wonderful as expected.

If you're interested in my Idol thoughts regarding the 2013 batch, there are currently only four of the Top 10 who I really like, in the following order: Kree Harrison, Lazaro Arbos, Angie Miller, and Devin Velez. While he is not in the Top 10, I also really like Charlie Askew, who has a wonderfully apt last name that appears to be real. I hope he finds success and happiness. Aside from talk of her last name or whether she is pleasantly askew, the same could be said of Aubrey Cleland.

Long Overdue Idol Thoughts

2012-04-05T19:59:00.002-04:00

I’ve been meaning to make a few statements regarding American Idol this season, but I haven’t been very bloggy lately.

At the time of the Top 24 revelation, I erupted in “Woohoo!”s when Colton Dixon made it though. The judges had redeemed themselves from last year’s terrible lapse in judgment. When he made it through this year, I knew immediately that he would surely win!

When the Top 13 was revealed, I was happy with the contestants. I felt they were all good enough to be there, even if I didn’t love all of them. I was still sure that Colton will win, and it was clear then that the runner up would be Jessica Sanchez. In the following weeks, I concluded that Joshua Ledet would be in the Top 3. Thusly, my predictions were established.

I had become a big fan of Heejun Han, both for his funny and cute personality and his lovely singing; however, I sensed that he wouldn’t win. At the time of Heejun’s Billy Joel Week performance, I knew his Idol time was short. Jimmy Iovine had complained that Heejun was not taking the competition seriously, however, I believe he was; he took the singing very seriously, it seemed, but maintained a healthy sense of humor regarding the non-sing-y portions of the program. This changed with his Billy Joel performance, when his singing became a bit of a joke. The following week, he regained his singing genuineness; I was once again captivated by him as he sang beautifully. However, his humor was dampened, and I believe that is what led to his being voted out. I believe he could have lasted at least one or two more weeks if he had simply maintained the balance of serious singing and funny personality-ing.

I liked all the rest of the Top 13 contestants, with the exception of Deandre Brackensick. I don’t like his hair, and I am not moved by his singing at all. In the weeks following the Top 13, I found that his arrogance and something about the way he moves prevents me from liking him. His mediocre singing is, of course, also a factor in my disliking. Currently I am hoping that tonight will be the time of his out-voting, for regardless of my personal thoughts about his arrogance and distasteful hair, his talent is no longer up to the par of the other seven remaining contestants.

UPDATE April 6, 2012

***SPOILER ALERT*** Top 8 results are mentioned below.

Woohoo! Deandre’s hair was voted out last night! And Deandre's mediocre talent was voted out with it! I would take credit for this wonderful elimination, however, I posted this blog posting moments before the results show began, so obviously all the voting had long since ended. But I can still take credit for thinking and hoping that he would be voted out, and thus telepathically influencing the universe! Woohoo! I go girl! (Notice that I didn’t actually vote this time, so I can’t take credit that way).

I would like to take a moment to address another hairy issue: Colton’s hair. I love Colton’s hair, for it contributes to his rock-starriness. However, I’m not a big fan of the blondification of his hair. While he does still look (and sing) like rock star, and I still love him and want him to win, I simply prefer the previous state of his hair. I must emphasize, however, that I don’t hate it, and even if I did, his talent and voice are so amazing and beautiful that the other stuff is rendered far less significant. To conclude, I love Colton.

House of Disappearing Actresses

2012-01-09T23:17:00.001-05:00

**SPOILER ALERTS: The following might refer to things that have happened on House M.D., Lost, Person of Interest, Once Upon a Time, and Grimm up to the date of this blog posting. Any reference to the future is my own speculation, and therefore is extremely likely to come true, for I was right about at least one thing on Lost.**

Before I begin my digression-full meandering discussion of House, I must tell you that while searching my blog for the posting where I elatedly realized I was right about something important on Lost, I noticed that as of right now, I have written 23 blog posts with the Lost label! 23! 23 was one of the numbers! Holy crap! I absolutely didn’t do that intentionally, and I didn’t even notice until now (if I did, I don’t remember)! Jacob’s numbers invaded my brain and blog! I told you there might be spoilers, so please stop complaining, 3 people who still haven’t watched the Lost finale yet. You know who you are.

Onto the actual purpose of this blog…

Before this evening’s rerun of House where Thirteen made her final appearance, I thought about my previous blog postings where I wondered and googled about Thirteen’s and Cameron’s at-the-time potential impending departures from House, and I realized that I never addressed their apparent actual departures. So I’m doing that now, since the TV admitted that it read my mind by airing that particular episode hours after I had those particular thoughts.

Based on what I have heard from various sources such as the TV and my mom (who read a magazine article), it would seem that Olivia Wilde (Thirteen), Jennifer Morrison (Cameron), and Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy) have left House M.D. This is not new news, of course, and all their characters have had closure on the program, but as I said, I felt that I should address (or at least mention) their departures here, so that my blog can have closure regarding these characters as well.

All three actresses have already moved on to other things such as movies and other programs on the TV. I don’t know where Lisa Edelstein went, but Olivia Wilde made some movies whose commercials I’ve seen. Jennifer Morrison is now the star of another show called Once Upon a Time.

I discovered Once Upon a Time last week when ABC had a marathon of it. I read in the Wikipedia that it was created by a couple of Lost writers, with Damon Lindelof (Lost co-creator) as a consultant, so it’s not surprising that it easily drew me in. It’s a show about fairy tale characters, and is thusly similar to another new show about fairy tale characters that also drew me in called Grimm. Together (with an emphasis on Grimm), these two programs have caused me to get the original translation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales (free on Kindle!), which are more violent than Disney would have us believe. Some of the Amazon reviewers explain that the Grimm brothers were just jotting down the folk tales of oral tradition, and therefore their stories might not have been intended for young children. At some point in my adulthood, I did notice some excessive violence, even in the childproofed versions of these tales that we were all told.

Anyway, getting back to Jennifer Morrison, her character on Once Upon a Time is really quite different from Cameron, in that the former is far more bad-ass than the latter. Perhaps because of this bad-assed-ness, I find that I like this character a lot better than Cameron, who was probably removed from House because the writers ran out of ways to keep the most moral character from being annoying. That is not to say that morals are annoying – I rather enjoy morals – but it is to say the character had been falling down an annoying spiral since she married Chase, perhaps because she was probably still in love with her dead husband.

Emma Swan, Jennifer Morrison’s Once Upon a Time character, maintains Cameron’s morals while exhibiting a satisfying though small degree of bad-assed-ness. Cameron was nearly one-dimensional, while Emma already has depth after only a few episodes. Both Cameron and Emma are good, but Once Upon a Time seems to have the same theme that Lost had – that nothing is purely good or purely evil, and everything and everyone possess both good and evil facets. Thus, Cameron was simply good with non-evil flaws, while Emma is predominantly good. There is the sense that Emma is capable of evil, as all humans are, but she chooses good, as clearly explicated in yesterday’s episode, where she made it clear that she wanted good to win over evil, for the sake of her biological son.

It’s unfortunate that Cameron, Cuddy, and Thirteen were written out of House M.D. for one reason or another, particularly since House hasn’t been as good as it was since their departures, but I’m glad that the three actresses are doing other things. I believe Olivia Wilde and Lisa Edelstein chose to leave House, and I know that Jennifer Morrison did not, so I’m particularly happy that she found employment on this new program that, at the time of this blog posting, is better than recent House episodes.

Unfortunately, Once Upon a Time and Grimm might end up getting cancelled, because that seems to be the fate of most shows that I watch from the beginning, such as Flash Forward and Free Agents. Let us hope that the only curse on Once Upon a Time (and Grimm, and New Girl (the other new show I watch)) is the fictional one on the non-parenthetical program. Oh, I also occasionally watch Person of Interest, because it contains Ben from Lost (Michael Emerson, not the character) and because it’s a good show, but that program should be safe from my inadvertent curse since I don’t watch it regularly. I should mention that The Simpsons is the only exception to my inadvertent curse that I can think of at the moment.

Before this blog posting ends, I must digress once more, and in so doing, I shall create a fun Lost numbers bookend (blogend?) for this posting. I thought it was rather cute and fun that in the pilot episode of Person of Interest, Michael Emerson’s character had a mysterious and cryptic list of names and numbers! Hahahahaha, yes, I thoroughly enjoyed that Lost allusion!

Economics from a Dummy

2011-07-26T21:25:00.003-04:00

**DISCLAIMER: If any of the following appears strange or offensive in any way, please assume that it is intended as exaggeration or hyperbole.**

Although I know almost nothing about economics, I shall present my economic theory here. Thusly, it shall, quite literally, be an idiot’s guide to economics, in that I am the idiot.

My Lack of Credentials

I was forced to take an economics course in high school – a whole semester of a course! I was told at some point in my life that I should love economics, for it is a social science infused with math, and these are two things I have been known to enjoy, excluding of course, my K-12 (minus 8th and 11th grades) difficulties with actual social studies courses. However, not only do I not love economics, I rather detest it. I find it painfully boring, and I find myself unable to grasp most economic concepts. It’s very possible that the former is causing the latter; in fact, I would argue that it most certainly is, as evidenced by my love of hardcore neuroscience and hardcore physics despite my inability to grasp things in those fields of knowledge. This is evidence because my lack of understanding with interest feels entirely different from my lack of understanding without interest. Furthermore, even when I do understand something in economics, I am still intensely bored by it, and I think it might be impossible for me to have any real interest in it.

Anyway, the point is, I don’t understand much of anything that involves economics, and I think I got a B or less in that economics class I was forced to take. Thus, I am by no means, an expert or qualified in any way to postulate any kind of economic theory or even thought.

My Theory (or Quasi-Theory, or really Non-Theory)

My Non-Theory has three nearly unrelated parts.

Part One: It’s All a Gamble

Something suddenly occurred to me today that I am quite sure no other human on Earth has ever realized before. In fact, I am so sure of this, that I am not even going to Google to confirm my statement.

It occurred to me that the whole stock market is nothing but institutionalized, society-encouraged, legal gambling. One is expected to invest money in something with the hope that that money will grow, but it’s very possible that the money will shrink significantly. One is expected to continue gambling that money, and decide at what point the stock should be sold, which is also a gamble. One is then expected to continue this never-ending loop of buying and selling stocks, and thus, the gambling never ends.

One of the few things I remember from that economics course that was forced upon me in high school was the claims of the importance of investing, particularly in the stock market. I believe it was a guest speaker that explained that it is best to start early, and that our parents would likely help us. Clearly, these stock-pushers wanted to get the kids started young on their new legal gambling addictions, and clearly they wanted to get as many of us involved in it as possible, while we were young and impressionable, by having an authority figure that we were to inherently trust to tell us of all the wonderful things that might happen if we invest early. This very clearly indicates the degree to which our society encourages stock market gambling.

Since I couldn’t help myself, I did Google, but I will just pretend that this wasn’t the first Google result of many that indicates that the stock market being a form of gambling is a commonly held belief.

Part Two: Commodity Stocks will be our Downfall

Some time ago (I don’t know how long ago, hence the use of “some time ago”), I saw a video on the interwebs that explained commodity stock trading. I don’t know what that video was, and I am far too lazy to find it for you. As you should expect if you read the beginning of this blog posting, I failed to understand the bulk of what the video explained. However, I did understand one thing (that might or might not have been explicated in the video): The commodity stock trade will be our downfall.

The man in the video and people that I have seen on the TV after I saw the video explained that commodities are things like oil, sugar, coffee, and most importantly, cocoa. From what I gather, it seems that Wall Street people make presumably psychic speculations about the future of these commodities and then pretend to trade them via the stock market. Their pretend trading causes real things to happen to the prices of these commodities in our real economy, and I am therefore quite sure, will inevitably cause real problems and our real downfall as a society that once had a real economy.

The gambling of the commodity portion of the stock market is far worse than the normal stock market gambling. It’s a game involving imaginary trades that result in real changes that affect real people and real chocolate. I therefore suggest, with my complete and utter lack of credentials and nearly complete lack of economic understanding, that we abolish the commodity stock trade, and that alone will fix our economy. I’m sure of it – as sure as I am of the originality and pure novelty of Part One of my Fabulous Non-Theory of Economics.

Ultimately, I felt bad that I didn’t look for the video that first taught me about commodities, so I tried to find it, but I could not. While unsuccessfully searching for it, I saw several snippets that seem to agree with me in that commodity speculation is damaging, and I won't pretend those don't exist. Here are some French people talking about the need for regulation of it. This suggests that I might have understood this better than I thought I did. I go girl!

Part Three: Simple Taxes for Simple and Also Not Simple Folk

A few months or a few years ago, I had a brilliant thought. Instead of arguing about different groups of people being taxed different amounts, and instead of having horribly confusing tax laws and forms, why not have a simplified theory on taxation. Since I’m playing fast and loose with my misuse of the word “theory,” I figured I should continue with that trend. Anyway, my simplified taxation non-theory is as follows:

Pick a percentage, and require all the people to pay that particular percentage of their net (or would it be gross? I'm not entirely sure what these things mean) income to the government as their sole taxes. That way, the wealthier people will end up paying higher taxes, the poorer people will pay lower taxes, and no one will complain because it will be 100% fair. Perhaps a few tweaks here and there would be necessary, but I think this could work really well.

For someone who knows nearly nothing about economics, I sure am smart, with my brilliant ideas! But I won’t run for president, and you can’t make me.

Poor Weiner

2011-06-06T22:29:00.008-04:00

Well, it seems another politician has another sex scandal. Often funny and friend of Jon Stewart Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted that he sent a picture of his weiner in his undies to a woman on the Twitter. He says he meant it as a part of a joke, and that he has done other inappropriate things on the interwebs and the phone, both before and after marrying his wife. He also says he has never met any of these women in person, clearly implying that the hyper-flirtation only happened from very long distances.

I think that as far as political sex scandals go, this is really quite ethical, assuming that Congressman Weiner is not still lying. It’s really nothing compared to Eliot Spitzer and his adulterous use of hookers, or Bill Clinton and the jobs he had his interns doing while he was married. As Congressman Winkie, I mean Weiner (sorry, I had to) said, he didn’t break any laws, and he will cooperate fully with an ethics investigation insuring he didn’t break any House rules. He also didn’t make his wife stand there with him while he confessed as some Eliot Spitzers did. He mentioned that his wife understandably thinks he’s an idiot, but is not divorcing his dumb a**.

I’m comfortable making these statements about Congressman Weiner’s relative morality, assuming that he is not still lying, because, like David Letterman, he took full responsibility for his immoral actions; he made a point to state that the woman who was the recipient of his bulging photo is not responsible for this at all, and should never have been dragged into this mini-scandal. His apologies, his remorse, his shame, and his tears seemed sincere to me. Of course, he could be a good actor, or I could be an idiot who feels bad when boys (or anyone) cry and take responsibility for their actions. Conversely, as much as I love Bill Clinton for his politics, his intelligence, and the nice things he does for the world, he is a good example of a disgusting immoral sex-crazed adulterer who tried desperately not to take responsibility for his actions.

Anthony Weiner didn’t admit to his tweet until, I assume, he realized his past inappropriateness was going to be disinterred. According to the NY Times blog, he made his announcement after another bout of inappropriate internet behavior from a month ago was revealed. Nonetheless, less than two weeks of lies followed by a full confession is really rather impressive for a politician.

If you’re sensing that I hold politicians to much, much lower moral standards than I hold normal humans to, you're absolutely right. Thanks to people like Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and probably millions more, I have learned to assume that all politicians are either evil in some power-hungry way, or are whores. Perhaps the hunger for power facilitates the slutty behavior, since the slutty behavior might simply be another way to gain or use their power. I don’t know if this hunger for power is a pre-existing condition for politicians, or if it’s something that happens after a person has been in politics and the power they are inherently given morally corrupts him…or her I suppose, but we never seem to hear about female politicians being adulterous sluts. Perhaps the direction of the power-politics causality depends on the individual.

Anyway, the point of all this is that while Anthony Weiner’s wife is absolutely correct in saying her husband is dumb, and while he clearly does have some moral issues, if he is not lying, it’s really nothing compared to the real sex scandals out there, and in my mind, it does not and should not affect his ability to do his job well, and to do good things for the world. If the far-more-sexually-immoral Bill Clinton could do it, then the much-more-moral-because-he-accepts-responsibility Anthony Weiner can definitely do it. I’m glad he is not resigning.

(Note: I added the link to Jon Stewart's coverage of this scandal after I published this blog posting.)

UPDATE June 14, 2011
Here's someone else who doesn't want Anthony Weiner to resign, and who also feels bad for the remorseful virtual adulterer.

UPDATE July 14, 2011

On June 16, Anthony Weiner unfortunately resigned.

A Very Gaga Future

2011-06-05T18:34:00.000-04:00

Since Lady Gaga’s latest album is now almost two weeks old, I’ve been thinking about what her next brilliant album will hold, and I have thought of two fantastic ideas (pardon the reflexive horn tooting). I hope you’re reading this, Gaga! I love you!

Gaga reminded me on an MTV interview of what I had already learned previously – that she was trained as a young Gaga in classical piano. So it occurred to me that glorious and magical things could happen if Gaga were to infuse her music with classical stuff (I’m partial to Beethoven and Mozart, but just about anything would be cool). I almost always love when genres collide, and I think a Classical-Gaga marriage could be spectacular.

My other brilliant idea came to me some time ago (I have no idea how long ago). Gaga has mentioned in various interviews that I’ve seen on the TV that she is a fan of Metallica. I have read somewhere recently, probably on an Amazon review of Born This Way, that metal fans enjoy the Gaga. As a metal fan who also enjoys pop, I assumed my Gaga love came from my taste in pop, but perhaps my rock/metal taste also had something to do with it. Anyway, this suggests that Metallica might in fact enjoy the Gaga (that is pure speculation). If Gaga’s love for Metallica is requited, then it might be fun for the world if Gaga were to collaborate with Metallica to create something beautiful. I can imagine the voices of Gaga and James Hetfield duetting beautifully, and some mixture of the music of both could be beautifully interesting. Maybe they could even throw in some rockin’ Beethoven!

I should mention that the collaborate-with-Metallica idea is not new to me. I have previously thought that Metallica should collaborate with Evanescence, Avril Lavigne (because she performed Fuel surprisingly well, I think on the MTV), and probably others that I can’t remember now. I have also joined Josh Groban with various other artists in my brain (again, Evanescence comes to mind). Oooo, Josh Groban would also sound great with Metallica and/or Gaga!

I hope all these people read my blog and take my fabulous advice! I wonder if any of them Googles themselves. If they do, maybe they’ll find this…

Is Gaga Self-Censored?

2011-05-29T14:37:00.007-04:00

***WARNING: The following contains foul language, though it does not contain language about fowl. Viewer discretion is advised.***

I initially became irritated upon hearing the bleeps in the amazing Lady Gaga song “Government Hooker” from the amazing album Born This Way, because I am not a fan of censorship on things that I buy. This had happened before, when the word “bitch” was censored on the allegedly explicit version of “Bad Romance” from The Fame Monster that I bought. Clearly, that drove me crazy, as I searched desperately for a truly explicit version (I eventually found one somewhere, but I don’t remember where). As I heard the bleeps at the end of “Government Hooker” on Born This Way, I thought I had another annoying search for foul language on my hands.

However, I have decided that this time, the censorship might have been intentional. In “Bad Romance,” the word “b*tch” was altered to sound like “bit,” thus creating a clean version of the song that sounded clean and not too edited. However, in “Government Hooker,” the words “f*ck “and “f*cking” are covered with actual beeps that are disruptive to the song and don’t blend in the way the “b*tch,” altering does. If one doesn’t pay attention to the lyrics of “Bad Romance,” the censorship goes unnoticed; however, there is no doubt at all about whether there is censorship in “Government Hooker.” The censorship of the expletive is clearly explicated in the latter song.

Because of the apparent intentionality, I realized the censorship, particularly of the word “f*ck” fits perfectly within the song’s meaning. The song seems to have several complex meanings, according to this website, but one meaning (that at the time that I am writing this) is not mentioned there explicitly. The song seems to be about government hypocrisy. The government (via the FCC) censors the word “f*ck” as symbolized in the song with the bleeps, yet so many politicians are often found f*cking hookers and mistresses (“I wanna f*ck government hooker”). The hypocrisy continues, as so often, the government figuratively f*cks the people it represents as well as the people it doesn’t represent (“Stop f*cking me government hooker”).

Gaga, nice work, adding at least one layer of thought to your fantastic music. This is yet another of many reasons for why I heart Lady Gaga.

Unfairly Idol

2011-05-24T23:48:00.009-04:00

I’m somewhat irritated with the people who build the American Idol contestants and their careers. On tonight’s competition of the final two, the third song of each contestant was the single that was selected to launch the winner’s career.

Scotty McCreery’s song, while performed with a beautiful voice, was a rather boring, childless song that has no emotion for the singer or audience to connect with. Scotty is young, but he is not a toddler proclaiming “I Love You This Big.”

Lauren Alaina’s song, on the other hand, was a lovely, passionate song about a mother; obviously, that song has a clear emotional connection for any singer who has or ever had a mother and any audience. In this case, that is even more true, since Lauren’s mother was in the audience, so Lauren would have to be a callous psychopath if she didn’t emotionally connect with the song and the audience. Needless to say, she sang “Like My Mother Does” beautifully, and she sang it with loving emotion. She also sang it with a sprained voice, as Ryan Seacrest explained a the beginning of the program, which is impressive.

I can’t help but think that the American Idol gods recognized the obvious superiority of Scotty’s talent, and therefore provided a vastly better song for Lauren to try to even the scales. However, disparate song quality tips the scales in the wrong direction, and masks the talent of the singer who deserves to win.

I do think Lauren Alaina is talented and deserves to have been in the top four. However, Haley Reinhart, James Durbin, and Scotty McCreery are all more talented than she is, and were and are more deserving of the American Idol title. Regardless of who wins, obviously, all of these people will have fabulous careers.

UPDATE May 25, 2011
***SPOILER ALERT: AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 10 FINALS RESULTS WILL BE EXCLAIMED BELOW***

Woohoo!!! Scotty won despite the crappy song they chose fore him! His talent won! Woohoo!

On a side note, I think Scotty and Lauren are dating and/or in love. That's adorable if that's the case. How cute would it be if they were to get married in a few years and have some country babies? Whether or not they actually are dating or in love, I'm glad Lauren was clearly happy for Scotty, and didn't appear to be devastated. I look forward to Scotty's, Lauren's, and some of the other contestants' success.

UPDATE May 26, 2011
Scotty and to a lesser extent Lauren deny that they are dating, and claim to just be BFFs. I think and/or hope they are lying; they're adorable together and they sing well together.

Gaga Farming

2011-05-22T16:02:00.017-04:00

My obsession with Zynga’s FarmVille has finally amounted to something undeniably worthwhile and wonderful, in that Lady Gaga and FarmVille have joined together for the best promotion ever. The awesome GagaVille promotion allows us farmers to listen to the whole Born this Way album three days early.

I absolutely love this album, and I think it’s the only thing I’ve been listening to for the past couple of days. About half the album made my brain rejoice immediately, and the songs that I didn’t instantly love grew on me very quickly. The songs range from good to amazing.

GagaVille itself is pretty awesome too; with all the cool crystals, unicorns, and electric roses, my Gaga-fied farm has become quite shiny, and the GagaVille farm is the most bizarrely beautiful farm ever. This promotion makes me wonder if Gaga farms too, and I bet she does! That makes me love her even more! It’s nice when two obsessions join together to form one ginormous sparkly obsession.

UPDATE: May 23, 2011

Now that this magnificent album has officially been released, I have discovered that what was streaming in GagaVille was not the whole album (that is if I’m remembering the stream correctly, which I might not be). Anyway, now that I have the complete album via my GagaVille game card (which also came with remixes of “Born This Way” and “Judas”), and now that I have the tracks rather than a trackless stream, I can tell you which specific songs are amazing, in my opinion. Yes, I realize I could have easily found the track listing and done this before, but I didn’t so stop complaining.

Before I get to that, I feel that I should address the “Express Yourself” similarity of “Born this Way,” since it was just brought back to my attention by Weird Al Yankovic’s wonderful and funny parody, “Perform This Way.” I have noticed that at least one other song on Gaga’s album also sounds reminiscent of Madonna’s “Express Yourself,” and I think that elucidates the probable intentionality of Gaga’s invoking of that song. A large part of Gaga’s message is to be yourself, to show the world who you are, and thus, to express yourself. Gaga was very obviously influenced by Madonna, and I had assumed that was the extent of the “Express Yourself” similarity, but hearing Weird Al’s allusion in the context of his parody somehow crystallized for me that the similarity is likely not accidental. I heart Weird Al, and I heart Gaga.

Getting back to my thoughts regarding the Born this Way album, the following songs are amazing, and I think they are the same ones that my brain loved instantly. I will parenthetically refer to track numbers on the regular edition (the special edition comes with three additional songs and some remixes):

“Marry the Night” (Track 1)

“Government Hooker” (Track 3)

“Judas” (Track 4)

“Americano” (Track 5)

“Hair” (Track 6)

“SheiBe” (Track 7)

“Bloody Mary” (Track 8)

“Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)” (Track 10)

“The Edge of Glory” (Track 14)

That leaves the other songs that I either instantly thought were really good, or that grew on me to become really good. These opinions obviously refer to how I feel now, and that could obviously change in the future; as I listen to these songs ten billion more times, they might grow on me more to become amazing (or I might get sick of them). Nothing on the album sucks, or is even less than really good. That said, these are the just-very-good-right-now songs, in my arrogant opinion (just kidding, it’s humble):

“Born this Way” (Track 2)

“Bad Kids (Track 9)

“Heavy Metal Lover” (Track 11)

“Electric Chapel” (Track 12)

“You and I” (Track 13)

The three additional songs on the special edition version seem to fall under the “just really good and not yet amazing” category, which might be why they are not on the regular edition.

“Black Jesus + Amen Fashion” (Track 9 on Special Edition)

“Fashion of his Love” (Track 11 on Special Edition)

“The Queen” (Track 15 on Special Edition)

I heart Gaga.

It’s a Conspiracy!

2011-05-10T00:21:00.000-04:00

The TV once told me that people like conspiracies because they are more interesting than reality is. I agree with the TV (I think it was the History channel), and I think there’s more to it than that. I learned many a year ago in an anthropology class that people like to find patterns since it's what our brains were built (by aliens I presume) to do, because without patterns, things like sensory stimuli such as lights and sounds wouldn't make any sense and thus couldn’t become objects and words that we perceive. I think, as this thing from CNN sort of suggests, conspiracies also add more meaning to coincidences, which, again, makes thing more interesting.

With all of that being said, I think one thing is clear: Conspiracies are all just one big conspiracy to distract us from the truth: the TV talks to me and aliens built us for their amusement. Isn’t that more fun than reality?

Musical Mediocrity

2011-04-26T00:26:00.000-04:00

I’ve been doing a lot of complaining about today’s music, and in doing so, I have addressed the quiet lack of passion in some of it, and the tween-specificity of another sector of it. What I will discuss here resonates with those aspects of the crappy music of today, but also addresses an issue of mediocrity.

Why on earth is Train so successful? That is not to say that I think they’re bad or that they don’t deserve their success. They are probably good people and they do have some good music and talent. However, they are not, in my opinion, as great as everyone seems to think they are. Their songs are either kind of nice until you get sick of them, like "Calling all Angels," or not so great and I was somehow sick of them instantly, like "Drops of Jupiter."

One of their more recent songs, “If It’s Love,” seems to be a list of clichés that are almost chanted and that sound very much like the list was thrown together nonsensically, amidst very catchy choruses and a handful of meaningful lyrics. I'm not suggesting that clichés never belong in songs. When used well, a cliché can provide deeper meaning than new phrasing could, such as Jay-Z's modified use of "If you can make it in New York you can make it anywhere" in "Empire State of Mind." Phrasing that sentiment without the use of the cliché wouldn't have the same potent meaning that it has. Train on the other hand, uses countless clichés in “If It’s Love” to create a meaningless list. Clichés should be used wisely and few and far between (see what I did there hahahaha).

Perhaps the catchy choruses are the key to Train’s success. Britney (Spears) had that song, "Womanizer," that seems to be nothing but a catchy chorus repeated incessantly, and people appeared to like that a lot. I didn't; I liked the chorus once or twice, and then could no longer tolerate it for the duration of the song. Therefore, Train's insertion of lists of clichés between catchy choruses in “If It’s Love” is definitely an improvement compared to Britney's abuse, I mean use of the catchy chorus, which makes the former tolerable and at times even enjoyable. However, by no means is it a great song, nor are they a great band; they are merely good.

UPDATE July 21, 2012

I heard a new Train song and I liked it! It’s “50 Ways to Say Goodbye,” and while it is yet another list of things rattled off to a catchy tune, I actually like it! I like the Phantom-of-the-Opera sound in the verses, and I like the Mariachi-band sound in the chorus. I often enjoy merging genres, and this quasi-merger of show tune, pop, and Mariachi created a nice, strange sound that I find myself enjoying, and I’ve only heard it once so far. Of course it helps that I rather enjoy the occasional funny song. Well done, Train, you’ve risen above your mediocrity for this song, despite maintaining what appears to be a lazy approach to music creation. Please note, as a person who is incapable of humming in tune, let alone creating music, I am not one to judge. But I will anyway.

(Later that day…)

In a flash of glorious, wondrous, and grossly exaggerated epiphany-imbued brilliance, I suddenly understood where the band name Train must have come from! It very obviously refers to their sometimes-used style of music writing. The lists of things are but a train of thought! Get it? Train of thought…Train…Get it??? I know, I’m a genius. Thank you for your kind applause.

I feel that I should defend Train. I have never purchased their music except for “50 Ways to Say Goodbye” and I think I might have purchased “Calling All Angels” at some point. Thus, I have never purchased nor heard their non-radio songs. It is therefore very possible that what doesn’t make it onto the radio could be better-than-mediocre. I have noticed that some non-radio and otherwise less popular songs of other artists are billions of times better than some of the most popular and radio-friendly songs. For example, Kelly Clarkson’s “Addicted” is vastly better than her “Stronger,” though I do enjoy “Stronger” as well. Therefore, there does exist the possibility that while Train and perhaps other mediocre bands and singers are great at appealing to popular tastes in mediocrity, they might in fact be great composers and songwriters with depth beyond their shallow puddles of popular music. Perhaps the real question is: why do popular audiences prefer so much mediocrity?

Music through the Ages

2011-04-26T00:10:00.000-04:00

I don't understand the extent of Taylor Swift's success. She seems like a nice girl, she's pretty and blonde, she's been writing her own music since she was a teenager, and she obviously has some talent. The problem is, I'm not under-exaggerating the latter quality. It's just some talent; her voice is only ok, her guitarring seems good, and her songwriting is decent. But there's so much monotony in her melodies, and there's so much of a formula that she seems to follow. I'm not even complaining about her excessive use of fairy tale-like plots. I will say that I think she might beimproving and growing as an artist with more experience that she is having as a person and as an artist, so perhaps she will eventually manifest or at least approach the level of talent people think she has now.

I'm also baffled by the Bieber and his enormous success. Perhaps the arrogant, not-so-talented Justin Bieber will find his way into a blog posting of his own. Nah, I think I covered everything about him. I will only add that I saw some clear evidence of the far less than brilliant nature of his talent in an interview he had with Access Hollywood Live, where he was asked about Christina Aguilera’s botching of the National Anthem. He explained that since he is Canadian, he doesn’t know the American anthem too well, which I think is understandable, given his youth, though if he is going to continue to be famous here in America, he might want to learn it. Anyhoo, he then proceeded to sing the Canadian anthem in both English and French, and well, he sounded extremely mediocre – so mediocre, in fact, that there is no way he would get through the first round of American Idol auditions with that singing. When great singers with enormous talent sing impromptuly (hahaha, that’s not a word, but that never stopped me before), such as Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, and Steven Tyler, beautiful and flawless singing comes out of them. Bieber’s lack of brilliance in his impromptu (I wish there was another word for that, I’m sick of it already) renditions elucidate the mediocrity of his talent. Also, that one song I keep hearing (“Baby”) sounds like something I could’ve written with my black hole of talent, and he doesn’t sound so great there either. (In that song’s defense, I’ve heard the chorus about three gazillion times, but I’ve only heard the actual song once or twice.)

I don't dislike all of today's music; rather I enjoy a lot of it from various genres. However, it seems that the things that seem to gain the most popularity are the things that I guess I'm just too old to get. Or maybe it’s just not my taste.

After speaking about this with my sister, I have learned that I am, in fact, old. She pointed out that the music industry markets the Taylor Swifts and Justin Biebers of the world specifically to the young’uns, just as they marketed Britney Spears and the like to the young’uns of the late ‘90s, and the Debbie Gibsons and Tiffanys and the like to my generation in our youth. It seems this breed of pop music artists are created specifically for the young demographic, such that each generation of tweens will always enjoy the music marketed to them. They love and obsess over the music when it’s fresh, and think fondly and nostalgically when they grow up and the teen idol has either grown with the times and become integrated in the more general pop music or has lost all popularity except with that one special cohort.

The originally tween idol music is so specifically directed at the youth that most older teens and adults simply hate it and can’t comprehend the popularity of such silly sounds. My sister was absolutely right about this, for as she spoke of the marketing only to the targeted demographic, I remembered that my mother who generally has good taste in music has always found Debbie Gibson to be squeaky, and while I hear what she means, I love her 80’s music and I always have. To confirm, I asked my mother what she thinks of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, and she reacted with equal disgust towards each, exclaiming that she hates their music and always has.

This phenomenon is rather interesting, especially if you consider the reaction of later teens to the music directed at tweens. Based on my own experience, I think older teens might fall in the middle of this spectrum of emotion toward tween music. When Britney Spears first came into my consciousness, I liked her music; I didn’t hate it and I didn’t obsess over it. I still like her music, and yes, I still don’t love or hate it. I had a similar reaction to Christina, however, she musically matured better than Britney did, or perhaps her talents exceed those of Britney, because I grew to love Christina as she matured and the beauty of her voce shined through and rose above the teeny-pop. My mother once again confirms this, in that she hated Christina and Britney, still hates Britney, but now loves Christina.

Musical Clone Machine

2011-04-25T23:23:00.000-04:00

]I've been listening to song samples on Amazon, and I find myself thinking that some of these albums are kind of nice, but I feel like I've already heard them by other, better artists.

For example, I heard samples of a Bullet for My Valentine CD, and it does that nice thing where they mix rock screaming with melodic elements, but Red, Skillet, Three Days Grace, and obviously Linkin Park who (in my opinion) perfected it, all do it better, so why should I buy this lesser though similar music?

I listened to samples of something else – I can't even remember what – and it sounds like yet another Blink-182, Sum 41, and/or Offspring crappy clone. Why can't they be more original?

I realize I'm supplying multiple examples of similar things that are good, so maybe it's just that some artists are able to stay within the line of being inspired by something to create something that's different enough so that you can still uniquely identify them, and others are leaping over that line and just making crappy copies of things. I think some of the "crappy" ones might actually be decent copies, but they're just not good enough; perhaps "mediocre" would be a more fair word.

Turn Down That Incessant Quiet Music!

2011-04-25T23:13:00.004-04:00

I’m officially an old lady since I turned 30 almost a year ago, and I can therefore say that I don’t get the music these kids are listening to these days.

The not-so-good music these days that these kids today like seems to involve a folksy quality that I find boring. It doesn’t all suck entirely, but the hype surrounding how allegedly great some of these artists are is entirely unwarranted. A lot of this stuff that they love so much, like John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and a few years ago those Moldy Peaches from the movie I didn't see (Juno) and probably other stuff I can't think of right now, seems to lack the passion, the enthusiasm, the emotion, and the musickiness that I personally love in music. What do I mean by “musickiness”? I don’t know, that’s why I made up a word. It's a lot of dull, quiet, singing, perhaps with some potentially profound lyrics, which I only say because I vaguely remember hearing some lyrics that sounded pretty good in the midst of some painfully boring music. I have no problem with quiet, but I do have a problem with nearly monotonous or otherwise repetitive music. Perhaps I'm being too harsh.

I don’t hate music by any means; in fact, I love it and can’t live without it. Really, I think my brain would revolt if I didn’t feed it music through my ears, or “listening holes,” as we called them in my day. Please note, I have stolen that construction from Grandpa Simpson on The Simpsons (or maybe I was just inspired by him).

Some of the old lady music that I do enjoy includes Metallica, Beethoven, Evanescence, and Shinedown. I also like a lot of present day music, such as Lady Gaga, Carrie Underwood, Three Days Grace, and Green Day (are any of those still present-day?). I also like that Christina Peri song ( “Jar of Hearts” ), and not just because she is the sister of a guy from Shinedown. It’s funny to hear about the guy who goes around collecting a jar o’ farts. Hahahahaha, but seriously, I do really like the line “You’re gonna catch a cold/From the ice inside your soul.” It’s simultaneously simple, profound, and cute. This song nicely demonstrates that quiet music and good lyrics can exist within the realm of good music that involves enthusiasm, emotion, and passion conveyed by a great voice, great song-writing, and tremendous talent.

UPDATE July 19, 2011

Well, it seems that Evanescence lead singer Amy Lee reads my blog and was influenced by it. I say this because that is the only plausible explanation for her stating that music of late has been lacking in terms of rock. Anyway, I’m glad my blog (or perhaps not my blog) has compelled her to bring more rock back to help fill the quiet void.

Mind Console

2011-04-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

It’s interesting how something can pop into your head at the exact moment that you need it. This happened to me twice that I can think of, though I’m sure it happens more often than that. Both times, it was the most perfectly relevant line from two songs that popped into my head at just the right moment to provide comfort in difficult situations.
First, about one or two years ago, I and someone else were struggling with a difficult situation. At the most difficult and stressful time, Seether began to sing in my head, “We’ll rise above this.” It was just the chorus from "Rise Above This," just the one line, and it was all that I and the other person (whom I told of course) needed to hear. It helped reduce some of the stress, allowing us to, in fact, rise above the struggle.

Just the other day, I was filled with anxiety about something. Kelly Clarkson kindly snag in my brain, “I wish I could say to you, ‘It’s gonna be all right”” from “Save You.” Again, it was just the one line, and it was just what I needed to hear. I felt comforted, knowing that it would be all right, and the anxiety dissipated.

It seems the comfort the music and lyrics provide is far more profound when the music pops into your head subconsciously than it does when one consciously invokes the music. It is as if the brain knows what it needs and conjures it, but if one has to think of something comforting, then perhaps it isn’t what the brain truly needed. That is not to say that thinking of something soothing won’t comfort a person, but it is to say that there might be a stronger effect when it happens spontaneously or without conscious effort or thought. Perhaps it is the surprise of the perfect fit of the lyrics to the situation that happens without any effort, and perhaps the effect is the same as it would be if one happened to hear the song or the lyric on the radio at just the right moment. Perhaps it is simply the recognition that something perfect happened as if by coincidence, and therefore, as if by magic.

The brain is truly amazing. Along with all the other amazing things it does, it generates memories of consoling lyrics from songs that it knows, at the moment when it needs the comfort that the words provide. The brain is truly awesome, as well as like totally awesome.

Katy Perry’s Fireworks Need More Sparkle

2011-04-23T14:50:00.001-04:00

I want to like Katy Perry, I really do. I certainly don’t hate her. However, I can’t seem to like most of her music.

I want to like her for a few reasons. First, she is beautiful, and I want to like pretty people, as I think most humans do. Secondly, she is friends with one of my future husbands who doesn’t know I exist, Josh Groban (my other future husband who also doesn’t know I exist is Seth MacFarlane). Thirdly, she seems like a genuine and kind person. Finally, she has a unique voice and obvious talent. Before she ventured into the land of Pop, she was a gospel singer, and went by her real name of Katy Hudson. Clearly she changed her name to avoid confusion with Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson.

I do like a few of Katy Perry's songs; I love “E.T.,” I kind of like the very catchy “I kissed a Girl” and “Hot N Cold,” and to a significantly lesser extent “Teenage Dream” and “Firework.” I like the Warblers (from Glee) version of “Teenage Dream” about a million times better than the original. Interestingly however, I’m not much of a fan of Rachel’s version of “Firework” (also from Glee); I only like it about as much as the original, which says a lot since I generally love Rachel’s (Lea Michele’s) songs. I think the problem with that song is that it’s too loud, and the singer is verging on shouting (kind of like how Rihanna almost shouts the chorus of "Only Girl in the World”). I guess "Firework" is intended to be loud and shouty, since it’s metaphorically about fireworks, which tend to be loud. However, the loudness of fireworks (especially the loudness of their finales) is my least favorite part of any firework experience. In fact, I hate it more than the 80 hours spent in the car after it’s over to get out of the parking lot and the traffic. I love “E.T.” because it’s a great song filled with Katy Perry’s passionate love for aliens, and she doesn’t shout at all in that song; rather she sings beautifully.

Anyway, I don’t know what it is about Katy Perry’s music that keeps me from embracing most of it. Perhaps it’s the loudness, or perhaps it’s just that while her voice is unique and good, I don’t love it. Perhaps it’s also that I sense that she writes what people want to hear rather than what she feels. Yes, I think that’s a big part of it – ironically, it is her commercial appeal that reduces my ability to like her. I’m sure there are a lot of artists and performers who I do like, who do the same thing, but perhaps I expect more from Katy Perry, since she seems to have so much talent that perhaps isn’t shining through all the glitter of commercial poppiness. I guess I just wish she would shine through her own fireworks.

Jew for Jesus in a Dream

2011-04-15T16:33:00.001-04:00

DISCLAIMER: NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS INTENDED TO BE OFFENSIVE TOWARD ANYONE OF ANY RELIGION.

I had the strangest dream a few months ago. I have strange dreams at times, amidst the boring and mundane ones, but this one could win a strange award, as far as my dreams go anyway.

As this bizarre dream began, I was walking across a very busy street. I think I was jaywalking actually. I couldn’t get safely across alone; I needed someone to help me. Someone (a regular person) was trying to help me cross this insanely trafficky street, with far-off shouts of “stop!” and “go!” With each step, the traffic became continually worse, and when I got halfway across, I felt like I couldn’t possibly make it the rest of the way, even with the far-off human guidance.

Just then, Jesus picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. I felt completely and utterly safe. Yes, Jesus, and please bear in mind, I am Jewish, or more precisely, I’m an agnostic Jew. Yet Jesus literally saved me in my dream.

In my dream, I knew it was Jesus, but he only partially looked like the traditional Christian, probably false view of what Jesus looked like. His head wasn’t very clear in the dream; actually, none of him was, but he had short hair (blonde I think), and he wore all white. SPOILER ALERT: LOST PLOT WILL BE MENTIONED NOW! While you might want to exclaim, “OMG! Maybe it wasn’t Jesus, but rather Jacob from Lost!” but that isn’t likely, as the rest of my description will illustrate. My dream Jesus was somewhat deformed in that his right arm and maybe his right leg weren’t really there and there was something that looked kind of like a drum instead (perhaps representing the little drummer boy?).

After he saved me in my dream, Jesus went on to help some other people. I don’t remember the details of who he helped or how. I said something where I referred to him aloud to other people as Jesus, and he said quietly to me, “No, don’t tell them I’m Jesus. Say G-d, or Orange.” I understood that he didn’t want his identity as Jesus revealed. I don’t remember anything else, and the dream might have ended there.

At first when I awoke, I couldn’t figure out why on earth I would have such a strange dream. I can’t emphasize enough that I’m a Jew, and an agnostic Jew at that. I don’t believe that Jesus was divine, and I don’t’ believe it’s possible to truly know if there is or isn’t a G-d at all (though I do tend towards faith). Nevertheless, in my dream, Jesus saved me, and made me feel completely safe and comforted, and I think at peace.

Later that day, I remembered some things that happened the day before that could explain the bizarre dream. I had eaten a truly delicious red orange (a Cara Cara navel orange) the night of the dream, and that is likely why Jesus told me to tell others that he is G-d or Orange. I suppose I felt the orange I had eaten was deliciously divine (it really was).

My orange consumption only explained one tiny aspect of my dream. Sometime after the Orange revelation, I determined that the divine nature of my dream came from Stephen Colbert. The night of the dream, I had watched an episode of The Colbert Report in which Colbert spoke of Bill O’Reilly’s certainty of G-d’s existence based on his lack of understanding of how the tides work. Neil deGrasse Tyson then came to Colbert's studio (via his wormhole of course) to explain that the tides are controlled by the moon, prompting Colbert to praise the Moon as G-d. When Tyson explained that the Moon is not G-d, Colbert praised Neil deGrasse Tyson as G-d, proclaiming “Neal before Neil!”

I think it’s clear then, that my Jesus dream was induced by Stephen Colbert and all his talk of who or what G-d is, and by a divinely delicious fruit. If I were a different person, I imagine my dream could have converted me to a Jew for Jesus, or even a full-blown Christian – not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Hey, look, by quoting Seinfeld, I inadvertently juxtaposed Christianity with homosexuality, and there’s nothing wrong with either.) But alas, I am just too practical (in terms of finding real-world explanations for my strange dreams) to put all my beliefs in one dream-woven basket.