yilian... everyday...

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2012-01-09T01:13:00.000+08:00

blemishes dilemma

2011-12-10T01:27:00.003+08:00

I am so frustrated with my worsening facial skin blemishes problem. To people out there, stop commenting about it, I already have very high self-conscious on it. The definite aetiology causing this is due to hormonal imbalance and the only definitive treatment is by taking hormone therapy which is what I DO NOT WANT! Stop telling me what to do if you are not a dermatologist or you never experience this problem before!

Totally well-protrayed.

*sigh

Gifts from Julian :) She is back!

2011-11-28T00:06:00.006+08:00

These couple of days, I was so excited because my beloved cousin and cousin-in-law are coming back to KL all the way from Canada. Wee!!! Yes, it is holiday and I am not going home because of them. My cousin-in-law is a Canadian Chinese, so my cousin followed him to Montreal after their marriage, which is about 3 years ago. I really missed them very much. Really excited that they are back to Malaysia for one month. ^^ I even missed my AMSA Intl ECM for this family meet up. @@ ops.

We have been spending time together for two days, exactly one day after their arrival.

Keke, I got lots of gifts from my cousin. Hehe, show off a bit.

Gifts I received from Julian. P&Co long top (which I picked from the store), ZARA turtle-neck tshirt, 725 originals tunic, George cardigan.

Confectioneries from Canada. Some Christmas and Halloween candies and granola bars.

Eiww... the most disgusting Halloween candy that I've seen.

Almost all of my relatives are worried of my severely oily and acne skin problem. She gave me a magnifying mirror from Canada, Mary Kay Matte-Wear liquid foundation that is oil-controlling, and a Clean & Clear active clear speed clearing gel.

Spotted these earrings long time ago but didn't buy it because quite expensive. 4 tiny stuffs for around RM30. Finally bought it for half price during wholesale today.

Keke, okay lah, guilty dy, spend too much of her money coz she is very generous, she paid for almost everything that I buy and all the meals. She even gave me and Jukim RM100 each to buy anything we want and I still got RM60 left which I plan to use it for contact lens. @@ Thank you very much. Muacks. And thanks to Jukim for the temaki dinner and accompany. ;)

Aiseh, no pictures of me and her coz using her camera. :S

it feels bad, being taken advantage, but was I?

2011-11-20T20:25:00.004+08:00

When I sincerely share my stuffs with others and people use it without taking care of it, leaving it uncleaned with residual, it feels bad to me because I don't know how to discuss over the problem. When people use your stuffs for so long and demand to change and make you pay for it, it feels bad because for all these while I have not been asking for anything in return but to share. By logic, without my stuffs at the initial place, they wouldn't even demand for it. When I sincerely cleaned up the public place more than the others and put up effort and money to maintain the place, but others wouldn't care, it feels so unfair. I shouldn't be asking for anything back as the initial intention is sincere, but when I felt that I was being taken advantage, it feels bad. Although I am unsure whether it is right or wrong to have such thoughts, but that is exactly what I perceive and what I feel. Reflect more.

To be in a group...

2011-11-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

To be in a group, help each other. That's what I know and learned. Talking bad about group-mates in front of supervisor over unconfirmed fact, to me, the act is despicable, what more if you are leader whom people should trust you. Sometimes, you just need to be political when giving comments, if you are unsure, give no comment, in other words, shut up! Isn't it easier to you and others?

Parasuicidal? NO!!!!

2011-11-19T17:00:00.003+08:00

yilian went mad? yilian self-harming? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol! Come on. Yilian will never cut her own wrist, I am not that stupid. My wrist was accidentally scratched by the sharp corner of whiteboard in Ibnu Sina while I was erasing it. You can blame me for not being careful but you can't blame me for self-harming because I do not. For girls, having additional scar is so sad. Luckily, it is just a superficial scratch with no profuse bleeding. Hope that the wound quickly heals, and please, please, please do not leave any scar. I don't want people to mistaken me as someone with history of parasuicidal act. :(

My favourite cutlery set

2011-11-05T01:38:00.005+08:00

For those we know me at my hostel, I started cooking my own meal regularly since I was in Year 2. For me as a Chinese, a spoon and a pair of chopsticks are the must-have cutlery set.

Early this week, I was so upset that I could not find my favourite spoon. I thought that I've already lost it. The image of it being thrown together with food garbage keep on flashing in my mind. I am used to believe my sixth sense. I have zero confidence that it will reappear and so, I diagnosed it as lost, instead of misplaced.

I got this set from my dad as a gift from Korea. It is a set of stainless steel spoon and chopticks with cute teddy bear and honey bee engravement. I have been using this since year 1, or maybe since my matriculation hostel life, so long ago that I can't remember when exactly I started to use it.

Since it was "lost", I kept scanning for it whenever my passed by the kitchen, hoping that it "returns". I was soooooo overjoyed to find it reappearing in a mug at the kitchen this evening. Huhuhu.... welcome back, my fav lovely spoon!

Yes, it is actually meant for kids. My dad thought that I was still a kid. That's what every father thinks, isn't it?

The casing with inner waterproof layer. So thoughtful!

See, sooooo cute! Although there are scratches and look worn-out, but I still love it.

I've been losing a lot of things this year. I can't afford to lost more. Oh, yilian everyday, please be careful and do not lost it again!

Bad sign

2011-10-15T22:17:00.003+08:00

It is very bad that most of the time when I dreamt of him, it's either he was lying on bed, gasping for air, seriously ill, or seeing his afterlife soul. At some points, life become aimless with no motivation. Bad sign, bad bad sign.

Tell me what's wrong with this...

2011-10-10T18:39:00.005+08:00

I saw this sign somewhere in the school area. Please have a look at the pictures and see what's wrong with it.

Got it?

Here's my comment...

Alright, you are showing me an arrow which is directing to "kanan" (right-hand side) and it will lead me to the staircase. Err, why do you need to write kanan when you have already show me the arrow. I think if you really want to label that "Tangga" is better.

But wait, look at where is this sign located.

Dush! Obviously, the staircase is at my right. Do you think that I am blind that I can't see the staircase? Even if I were almost blind, I would say that I can see the stairs before seeing this sign which obviously of smaller size.

And what?! Do you ever think that I am so stupid that you have to show me to walk to my right instead of my left? HARLOOO~~~ I am not that crazy to walk into my left side and thought that there's a staircase? Obviously, there's a big wall!

Phew~~~ USELESS sign!!! Wasting resources, or maybe the person just did not know where to put the sign. *shake my head and sigh....

Ohhh, please~~~ Someone please tell me that there's actually a rational reason for them to put the sign there.

Some people do not understand about consent

2011-10-07T21:31:00.005+08:00

I am very disappointed with the act of giving out my possession without getting my consent. Yes, I am a XX and please beware because XX will dig out all the past doings when she is frustrated. Same thing happened two years ago that my very valuable hard-earned possession was loaned to a high risk project without being explained about the plans. Just because that I was not 21 years old at that time, doesn't mean that I do not have my rights. Thanks for making up the issue and my coming holiday plan shall be changing all my possession into my own individual possession to avoid being misused. There's a lot of things that I still keep. I might not be using them, if I keep it sound and safe, it means that I still want it. And I hate it when something is challenging my emotion by triggering flashbacks of my dad.

The type of dream that I was dreaming for

2011-10-06T20:57:00.004+08:00

I had a very pleasant dream this morning. I was at school, well in this case I was referring to medical school. Behind the school's big tall building at the border of the city, it was a huge piece of cabbage farm which we never discover before. The air is fresh and the view is so soothing, contrary to what is in front of the school building, busy dusty city. I ran back to get two of my friends to share the scenery. Well, both of the friends are labeled as good friends with no looks or even gender portrayed in the dream. Sounds quite dangerous but I know I was dreaming, so I wouldn't care although I am not able to manipulate my dream yet. Back to the story, there was a long and wide soil road in the middle the farm, starting from the school and leading to an unknown place. We know it is some heavenly place. Three of us hold our hands together and ran as happily as we could with all our energy but with laughter. It was so tranquil that the sky was even purple. As we ran along the road, we were no longer surrounded by cabbages but beautiful green trees which were getting taller and taller. We were totally amazed by the scenery. The road become steeper but we did not even think twice whether or not to stop but just to continue our journey. We then realised that the road led us to a magnificent mountain range with small yet beautiful waterfall at the peak of the highest mountain. We ran up to the peak, it was so steep that we can't even stop running. If we stopped, we could have fall. It was until we reach the peak where we rest on a big rock at the waterfall. From the peak, the whole scenery of the forest, cabbage farm, school and the city were clearly viewed. We know it is getting dark soon, so we only stayed for a while at the peak and ran back down the mountain. But on the journey back, we were able to stop by a shelter with a pond and a well. There were tiny fishes in it. We were told that taking the water can bring us good blessing. So, I took some water in my hands and take a small sip, trying to avoid accidentally drinking the small fishes too. While my friends washed their face with the water. We ran all the way back to our school with no exhaustion at all. In fact, we felt more energetic and happy to continue our life. My alarm rang, I woke up and welcome back to the cruel world! =(

Sorry, no pictures. Can't snap any picture using real life camera and bring it back here.

... three months

2011-09-30T23:04:00.006+08:00

It is almost three months already, but I am still not used to it. If it wasn't so and so, it wouldn't be like this. But everything is too late now, too late that nothing can be done. Till now, I still do not understand why it will be like this. I just don't understand. Sometimes I have weird dreams, searching and searching, trying to find a way to reverse. Try to meet up somewhere when I know it isn't true at all, everything in it is my own imagination. I was aware and conscious about it being untrue, but when those time comes, I will just let myself be drown in it. I know that at least that's the only way we can meet again. My biggest lost. No other thing can be as bad as this. Other unfortunate things around me, are just minor addition to my pain. But I am still living, with the hope that pain got lesser. How would my future be?

Sinful weekend

2011-09-25T10:39:00.007+08:00

Finally the torturing posting is over! Yeah, it's Friday, Friday~~ The past three weeks were terrible. Two weeks later it will be our study week. So, I took this opportunity to spend my weekend for some fun. Burn some money also, but I think worth to exchange some happiness, except for the last dish I had last night-Daddy Dry Pork Chili which was recommended in one of the blogs I read. Thought it was something chili fried, but turn out to be like rendang, and taste plain except for some spiciness.

Friday evening, went to watch Nasi Lemak 2.0. It was not bad, think a bit overrated but I still enjoyed the Indian and Baba Nyonya part. Love the part when they hide behind the tree and flower. Kekekekekeke! XP Then, we walked around Viva Home to look for a "lestolen". It took us so long until we decided to go to Lavanzza Cafe. A nice place with pretty interior design and good atmosphere. Alison was attracted by the macaroons and we decided to make a try.

We ordered a prawn-chicken dish thingy, but we were served with another dish. Not sure if it was me that tick the wrong dish on the menu list or they made a mistake. So, I requested to have a look at the menu list, but turned out that "I" really ticked the wrong one. Thankfully I was in good mood that day, so we just accepted it. Then, the chef gave us a piece of free cake. (you can interpret the hidden meaning behind this). But I lagi good mood loh, so nevermind lah. Anyway, the dish and cake were superb delicious.

Note: Semua gambar dicuri dari "Buku muka" Alison Lee. Muahahahaha, but she didn't buy copyright. XP Blekkkk~~~ Her credit la.

The insane (left) and sane (right). LOL! XP

Chicken leg. Ohh~~~ sedap~~~everything on the plate tastes good.

Opera cake. Got it for free, so it is double-delicious!

Yam and strawberry mini macaroons. Super sweet, too sweet. Texture like coconut candy. Err, not delicious. Won't try it anymore. The strawberry taste like rose, think they took the wrong flavour.

Then, we happy happy go back. The next day, we went to another "lestolen" at Aman Suria Damansara. Took us 1 hour to reach the place coz we dunno where it is, we berpusing-pusing like a teddy bear. We even pass through 1U. Opps, too far from Cheras and I think we took the far route. Sorry la, can blame me for picking such a far place, but please blame Google map too. This shop is called Andes Byo, famous for the PORK burger. It is a small simple lestolen. It was 7.15pm and there's no one in the lestolen. So, initially we were reluctant to go in because we worried if the food there not nice lah. Wanted to change to another lestolen nearby- Betty's Midwest, but we were too lazy to change place after 1 hour's car journey. So, we picked this lestolen anyway. Luckily, right after we went in, the lestolen started to fill up with other customers as well. Phew~~~ The lestolen has very comfy warm feel.

Warning: crazy woman and non-halal stuffs below.

Waiting~~~

Bubble gum, bubble gum, give me bubble gum. I am bored.

喜 (Joy)

怒 (Anger)

哀 (Depressed)

乐 (Happy)

Itu pun dia! PORK burger.

Ohh.... thick pork patty filled with cheese.

Don't want tell about the chili pork again liao, tak sedap, din even care to snap a pic of it.

~FIN~

Blek! XP

Finally, I feel like a human again.

How I wish...

2011-09-07T19:09:00.002+08:00

How I wish that I could hire my own PA.

How I wish that I could have two supervisors.

How I wish that I could have 48 hours per day.

How I wish that I could be super smart.

How I regret that I went home for holiday last week.

i enjoyed ENT

2011-08-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

It has come to the end of ENT posting. I really enjoyed this posting. Lecturers are very kind to teach us and patients are very cooperative too. I am really glad to have Prof Sani as my supervisor. He is superbly awesome! You understand or not?! Thanks to him, I am able to learn without excessive pressure.

Group picture on the last day of the posting at clinic.

Anyway, I am back home now for raya holiday. It's hard to explain that I actually dislike staying at home too long. I'll rather spend my holiday alone at hostel.

How good-looking can you be while at OT?

2011-08-22T23:23:00.006+08:00

This was how I looked like when I was rushing all the way to OT to see my CWU patient's procedure after SSM session last week. I simply grabbed the clothes, mistook the size and here's the outcome.

How good-looking can you be as a medical student?

Luckily this is only in OT when everyone have to wear similarly, except for the cool surgeons and anesthetist who got their own customized surgical attire with embroidered names. But anyway, those shirts and pants are really comfortable. Zzzzzz....

V65.2 Malingering

2011-08-19T01:00:00.006+08:00

According to DSM-IV-TR, Malingering is...

the intentional production of false or grossly exaggerated physical or psychological symptoms motivated by external incentives
under some circumstances, Malingering may represent adaptive behavior.

On the other hand, factitious disorder is not motivated by external incentives.

Simple words, using the layman term, malingering/factitious disorder means lie.

Sometimes, we have to beware of malingering/factitious disorder, so that we will not misdiagnose.

A few songs that I am "snacking" on...

2011-08-15T22:40:00.002+08:00

don't want to discuss more

2011-08-04T02:01:00.002+08:00

Being independent is generally good. But it has its disadvantages as well. It is easier for the person to be neglected by the others.

Don't want to discuss more.

Some memories back when I was in matrics

2011-07-27T23:26:00.002+08:00

Looks scary right? This was my room during my matriks time. I remembered I took this pic during study week. Look at my wall... full with notes. Seriously rajin.... not like now... *sigh

My messy study table. I am still using the same clock and milo container for stationeries.

WAHHHH!!! This was our room door. EPIC design! We wrote all the nonsense stuffs on the door. Supposedly it was quite clean, but we decided to conteng it sepuas-puas hati before we graduated from there. Noted the writings on 1... "leaving kmm on 18/4/08". I miss syu, syida and aisyah.

The nice scenery from our block. Ulu place ma!

Everybody loves Gabriel

2011-07-19T00:17:00.006+08:00

My cousin's cute son...

The polite friendly public-figure look.

"Hi, pretty lady. What can I help you? Oh, you want my hug?" XP

The serious big boss look!

"Why is the company profit rate increase by ONLY 10% in a month?! You are FIRED!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA! sleepy look

Nap time~~~ zzzzzz

Btw, like his hair? LOL!!!!

p/s: Why so cute la?~~~

Don't go to early

2011-07-13T23:52:00.002+08:00

don't die too early, or the others will be suffering... in every aspect of their lives.

"kerenah" chinese elders

2011-07-10T20:33:00.004+08:00

Chinese, especially the elders, I mean some lah, only some will do all sorts of things to make you cry during a Chinese traditional funeral ceremony. I know that it happened already, but I just don't understand why they like to remind me about it. When I was standing or sitting fine, I don't think it is necessary for them to come to me just to tell me that he left me. As stupid as "do you know that he had left you?" Come on! I am his daughter! In my mind, I was thinking, "could you please shut up?!". But of course, not to say it out lah. Fine, I just take it that they don't really understand about common etiquette or they just don't know the way to comfort people. Anyway, out of all the things, the one that I dislike the most was an elder who cried seriously bad and very loudly next to me during a ritual, I was trying to be strong and ignore all the distractions around me by just focusing looking at the joss stick. What happened is that in the end of the ritual, she came to tell me that she was actually trying to make me cried because I am his daughter and I should be crying loudly all the time non-stop with dramatic aggression or fainting. O.O?! Shut up!*in my mind. My mental strength tells me to ignore all these rubbish comments that are trying to make me weaker. If I were to be crying like her, I might affect my mum's emotion, making her feel even worse, and my dad will be feeling sad looking at me too. It's true! My cousin said she saw my dad sitting next to his altar. He was looking at me and crying. My cousin then nod her head and my dad nod his head back. So, if I were to be crying aggressively, how would my dad put down his worries so that he can find the light? Sigh. And I think my dad could never make me see him because I am a medical student. How much I wish that I could see him just like the others...

Memo for myself

2011-06-21T00:33:00.005+08:00

What I am currently rushing for and will be missing for these 2 weeks?

CWU psychiatry
emergency clinic
SDL3-Anxiety ds (thankfully, read for SGD dy)
? community activity
CPC emergency medicine (one of my fav topics, haiz)
SDL- Psychotrophic drugs (oh,no! my worse subject- pharmaco!)
orthotic & prosthetics lecture
SGD2-mood disorders
SGD3- psychosis
legal aspects of medical practice
SSM research topic for proposal
2 SSM sessions
2 clinic sessions
AMSA-JC stuffs... etc... (aiks, forgot to prepare documents for ECM T.T)
read! read! read! read psychi!!!!!
need some sleep also.

+ lots of other personal stuffs that trouble me.

I realise that I can't live without...

2011-06-12T01:37:00.002+08:00

I realise that I can't live without...

COTTON PAD!

I waste, err... I mean I use a lot of cotton pads everyday.

Of all the functions of it, these are the top uses of cotton pad:

~ apply toner

~ remove make up

~stuff it on my oral mucosa after applying Oral Aid (when I got oral ulcers)

~ and the most powerful use of it is....

to clean off oral plaques on teeth!!!!

I am never satisfied with my oral cosmetics since young. So, I always make sure that I brush my teeth after meals, at least 4 times per day. Whenever I am dinning out and unable to brush my teeth after it, my whole body feels very uncomfortable because I can feel the plaques on my teeth!

Tell you,

no matter how good is your toothbrush,

no matter how good is your brushing technique,

no matter how hard or how long u brush it,

no matter how many times you brush it,

your teeth will NEVER feel smooth and shiny clean.

But nevermind, I am so happy to find this superb thing in this world...

the COTTON PAD!

Try this, after brushing your teeth, use a cotton pad to rub every tooth in your mouth. You will find that there's still some yellowish plaques on the cotton. Trust me, try this, and your teeth will IMMEDIATELY, INSTANTLY become shiny clean!

And remember, oral plaques on teeth surface is not only the problem that will affect your oral hygiene, you need to floss your teeth frequently so that the slits between your teeth are clean too.

So girls,

why my handbag is so heavy?

coz there's a lot of stuffs inside,

including cotton pad and oral floss. (also a lot of other stuffs la)

Oh, how I wish that it wouldn't be weird if I can brush my teeth in public washroom. :(

Maybe MOH should make a new campaign,

"Kempen berus gigi selepas makan, di mana saja anda berada!" @@

*featuring spokesperson, the Marshmallow. Xp