Y'know, That Reminds Me Of A Joke

2019-09-18T17:54:00.001-04:00

2018-10-03T14:14:00.001-04:00

2018-10-03T13:16:00.002-04:00

Here is my all-time favorite dumb comment.

People occasionally ask me if I know any Spanish. When I say "Yes", they say, "OK, say something in Spanish".

My reply is always "Algo". That is the word "something", in Spanish.

Tests Are Expensive

2018-09-07T13:28:00.000-04:00

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed
away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet led the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably ...dead."

He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, what did you expect?"

A Pet Peeve

2018-08-08T13:19:00.002-04:00

Time for a pet peeve.

Have you ever noticed the little packets of dessicant packed with your order? It always says "Do not eat". Now, who in heck opens up a stereo, or a rug, or a suitcase, and says, "Oh, look! A snack!"

2018-07-04T11:21:00.001-04:00

A stupid joke for today -
Q: Do they have the Fourth of July in England?
A: Yes, but they don't have Independence Day.

2018-01-21T14:52:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever noticed that the abbreviation for "carton" (crtn) is the same as for "crouton"?

I Had To

2018-01-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

2017-12-20T12:33:00.002-05:00

You know I don't usually post pictures. But, in this case, I had to,

2017-11-26T11:15:00.001-05:00

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Canned, and Junk.

2017-11-06T12:53:00.001-05:00

A rabbi, a cook, and an aardvark walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

2017-10-28T14:51:00.001-04:00

Psychics meeting; if you don't know where and when, you're not invited.

2017-10-28T14:48:00.001-04:00

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

This Is A Joke

2017-10-26T13:03:00.001-04:00

If you get it, pat yourself on the back.

Q: Say something in Spanish.

A: Algo.

2017-10-16T09:09:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite dumb jokes. Q: How do you top a car? A: Tep on the brake, Toopid!

2017-10-15T22:00:00.002-04:00

The past,present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

2017-09-17T14:18:00.001-04:00

I heard that President Trump wants to outlaw shredded cheese, because he wants to make America grate again.

2017-08-24T23:25:00.002-04:00

I think I've stumbled on a truth. The reason the world is in such terrible shape is because a whole generation grew up without Captain Kangaroo.

2017-08-08T19:37:00.001-04:00

Not everyone will get this. "Say something in Spanish." "Algo."

2017-07-24T23:40:00.001-04:00

A Shakespearian actor gets a meat stain on his tie, and shouts, "Out, out! Spam dot!"

2017-07-20T12:29:00.003-04:00

Who the heck was Ken Tucky? And why is a state named after him?

Iced Coffee Recipe

2017-06-25T14:34:00.002-04:00

1. Have kids

2. Make coffee

3. Get busy with kids. Forget you made coffee.

4. Drink it cold.

Trump Visits The Wailing Wall

2017-05-22T21:49:00.002-04:00

You probably know by now that almost anything can remind me of a joke. President Trump's recent visit is no exception.

*****

A Rabbi, walking down a New York street, loses his hat. A passer-by retrieves it for him. On regaining his hat, the Rabbi says, "Bless you, my son. I never could have gotten that myself."

On the way home, the guy starts thinking. "I've just been blessed by a Rabbi! This must be my lucky day. I'm going to the track!"

The first race has a horse named "Stetson". The guy exclaims, "Stetson! That's a hat!" And puts everything he has on Stetson, to win.

Stetson wins big, and the next race has a horse name "Fedora". "Another hat!", he thinks, and puts all his winnings on Fedora.

Fedora wins big, too. "OK", he thinks, "one more race, and I'll show my wife my winnings."

But, when he gets home, his wife asks, "So, where's the money?"

"I lost it all in the third race. I put it all on a horse named 'Chateau', and it came in last."

"You idiot! Chateau is house! Chapeau would have been hat!"

"Oh."..."Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. Some Japanese horse won, named "Yarmulke".

*****

It Hurts

2017-05-03T11:47:00.002-04:00

Guy goes to his doctor. "Doc,it hurts when I touch my self." He touches his head, then his elbow, his knee, his hip, and his tummy. "No matter where I touch me, it hurts." The doctor examines him, and says, "I found your problem. Your finger is broken."

Greeting Your Customers

2017-04-16T09:57:00.000-04:00

When I wprked in restaurant, we were always told to give a "two-part" greeting, like "Hello, welcome to Friendly's".

I liked to give my own examples:

Good afternoon. Can I show you a seat?

Hi! How are you today?

Hey! Sup?