ym drlow, ym hsart, ym dekcip tuoqes,

A REQUEST TO A TOP GENIUS AND SCIENTIST IN THE WHOLE WORLD

2011-02-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

I am just a poor human who has a mere wish ... xD

My gravest request is that you will try to experiment microchips or something9 (what you call miraculous science - made to help humans in his own convenience and life comfort xD) ,that is to inject in some other brain and after he's done his part of learning what I ask to (for instance, helping me memorize an entire book or bunch of terminologies , difficult and complicated formulas, ) I'll take that microchip once done that has the information or learned infos, memorization and critical analysis (for example)

There are things I am capable and am not.Multi- tasking skill may have limits too . You can't do all things at a time right? And when emergency and urgent events happen that only require minimum time , my head is aching ... pressure is inevitable. And I hate it because sometimes just thinking them bring earthquake to my nerves.

Wish I could lend somebody's brain and let her study , examine , analyze , solve , calculate, whatever ... my work if I have some things too to be done.

untidy morning indeed >.<

ym drlow, ym hsart, ym dekcip tuoqes,: the balloon and the wind

2011-02-10T03:49:00.000-08:00

ym drlow, ym hsart, ym dekcip tuoqes,: the balloon and the wind: "fb chatmode ^_^ ahw im the wind , i can let you fly my light weighted black ballon to where you wanna go. i just blow where direction you..."

the balloon and the wind

2011-02-10T03:43:00.000-08:00

fb chatmode ^_^

ahw

im the wind , i can let you fly my light weighted black ballon to where you wanna go. i just blow where direction you want to
haha

ahw nka tie ako

ah i see then i will wait till that one who ties you will let u go

nsa n date ron?

10

nka tie sa kamot mo^^
ah

but i am also the wind does that mean i am also in cahrge of leeting you go when u want to?

no,dont blow me away from u

what if you're the one to ask me to?

balloon cant talk >.
thats escaping...
haha

cos u cant tell what if im right
tama?

no
mali

i am a sinful human

ur not alone

and i can hurt you beyond your knwing
how can u handle that

well thats a surprise

u had asked me that in the past . and there are so many unexpected things thats worst to happen in the future'
how can u handle that
yeah life is full of surprises indeed

i know..

yea

ym drlow, ym hsart, ym dekcip tuoqes,: IDRAWMYOWNSCARS

2011-02-10T03:09:00.000-08:00

ym drlow, ym hsart, ym dekcip tuoqes,: IDRAWMYOWNSCARS: "I've been thinking lately about all the silly things I had done. The ol' films about those bad, worse, worst scenes were playing in my head...."

IDRAWMYOWNSCARS

2011-02-10T02:21:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking lately about all the silly things I had done. The ol' films about those bad, worse, worst scenes were playing in my head. They just popped out even I didn't mind it purposively. Like in dreams. Sometimes I caught myself being in deep meditation and I got blank. I don't know by writing my current feelings and thinking here would give me least comfort and ease. I have nobody to share. I didn't have friends in near. I didn't know even to scream aloud. So when I grieve for someone or something, when my wrath has nothing to do to anybody, when I want to rampage, when I'm injured inside.. badly, I learned to whistle it all . Only the wind, my dear wind hears my pain and confessions to my dirty sins. Even I changed a little , or more than little, whatever... the dirty mem'ries never go...they just stay. That's all I'd realized. even I was sorry for those wrongs still they never disappear, they just haunting me whenever they want to pop out like some fictional guardian who likes to annoy me. Why ? I don't believe now that when you're sorry you'll be free from it after. But it does not. Since the day I knew the right and wrong and the morality, whenever silly doings I do, those were judge by the society and even by my own environment, family and friends. And those different judgment heard by my conscience and guilt appear before my evil soul. Even to humans that I caused pain and headaches, even they forget it, that's better , still I can't forget it... it kept haunting me like I should receive punishment till my body will turn to ashes. Or maybe even afterlife, this soul that'll left will be burned in hell. Well, I deserve it that., I had never denied my sins but I know I was sorry for them but I ... to be cont >.<

welcome back

2011-01-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

I welcomed myself being back from wandering.

I felt like I'd traveled to many places where I met different personalities.

Some yield me positive results, many weren't effective.

The me has back yet I didn't know if I can face the world being like this... like I used to be.

If those attitudes were gone in an instant then did I just trip myself again from switching?

Ooh. I should make another resolution as to reprimand myself from being silly.

Farewell o' just get oldie' year... sorry for being cold and crazy :) I just might've possessed from such a devil shit that just fucked up your worlds.

I couldn't see anybody now.

I've lost my interest to trip.

But I guess.. switching still...remains.

Well... goodbye to past.

Future? I love it!

well, Everything remains to be seen yet :))

COLD CHRISTMAS

2010-11-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

Christmas... Oh.. It is a normal holiday for me. Glam Xmas tree, excitement of everyone, exchange of presence, picture - picture ,togetherness... and whatever they do, casually do when Christmas is here. It's an ordinary day for me, I began to feel that way when I started to live away from my family. I don't feel sad when I celebrate it to anybody else because I don't feel it anyway. But when I used to have you I started to feel the solitude whenever holiday is coming to town.

Needless to say, My Christmas will be COLD.
Snow never drops here,
yet I felt frozen inside the fact I know I will spend it alone.

I only have silver oldies, treasure and pleasure, dear to my heart remembrance here that are safely sealed in my memory. Well, I guess that's the only option that makes me be with you.. again.
I wish for your happiness from a distance...

Merry Christmas Bloo.

Silentia screma

2010-11-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

current status: lost, lackadaisical, undead corpse inside , almost insane

Hey pal! Have you ever had experienced extreme hurt that you wanna scream yet there's no room to yell it out?

I need a place...
A place where I can loose all shit feelings I feel right now.

After I read your message on the screen, tears never hesitate to fell on my messy cheeks. It's good my seatmate wasn't bothered or maybe she just let me since we're stranger to each other.

Truth is really cruel, wasn't it? It doesn't give me warning. It just hit me in second like a bullet right through my soul. Now my soul is in bad state. Every functions of my brain dispersed for a moment. My heart is currently in the operating room. It can't bear the depression. I hate it. I hate being hurt. But this one is too big that I lost my 90% or over of my sanity and reasonableness. I tried to keep my senses . I tried to make things rational but it's like a malfunction robot that mixed up it's program and began to rampage. It tormented my heart and mind. Come hell or high tide, tears just fell unhesitatedly. It just keep falling and I sobbed silently because I don't want anyone around notices it.

Why it's always like this?
Why I allowed this crap take over my bright life?
L-O-V-3 Is really unbearable! ***

After learning the damn truth, I feel like I need not a few but many shots! I want to go back where I used to drink so my memory with my feelings bit by bit EVANESCED. But I know it won't be so effective and it will affect some of my current urgencies.

Since I dunno where to go, I let my slippers settle my destination. I walk like dead on the highway, while thinking what I'm gonna do now. I was wondering if it's now a normal phenomenon for someone who have feel depression, breakdown, bitterness, suffering from love and uhh whatever emotion that is unbearable to walk alone in the street like a lost soul. Then, I glanced my phone and I saw our characters' snapshot smiling together... it doesn't cheer me up. Instead I feel a menthol, bitter-mint within that it burst another batch of tears. My heart was buckled tightly that causes my breath slacking from it's normal beat.I quickly divert my thinking onto something that would stop the provoking emotion. But my mind is currently malfunctioned, what should I do? I think of some persons yet I know it's a burden to hug her and cry it all out to her shoulder. Till I arrived at my rented room. I shut myself to bed and continue the tears I've hold for hours. But I still managed to cry silently on my pillow to avoid trouble to my buddy.

And my weeping continue silently till I fell asleep.

RESULT: head ache and eye bags

T___T

ANOTHER SHATTER

2010-11-09T02:46:00.000-08:00

Help.

I badly need someone

My tears don't stop.

It just keep flowing on my messy face

My heart still in pain.

...

to be cont.

status: lost.

ANTISOCIAL: B_E_W_A_R_E :)

2010-11-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Are you antisocial?

I've met a lot of people that confessed he/she is antisocial. It means they don't like to socialize around the group or lack of confidence to show his self to the society.

Some misunderstand that they are antisocial because they don't like to be part of social persons - people who's exposed to fashion and glam life. They

prefer to be simple and jam to mediocre friends who are so-true for them.

These are misconceptions indeed.

AccorDing to what I had surfed down here from mentalhealth.com: Antisocial Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by persistent disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood. Deceit and manipulation are central features of this disorder. → in short delinque

ncy.

Often they are more agressive and have unpleasant behavior towards other people and may cause harm to them. They don't even care or pay least concern. They're danger zone, keep out!

But they can be diagnose of course.

I just want to impart what I learned because sometimes those words that we encounter we think can be msileading and scatter that misconception ... because his word is also your another word

for your every day vocabulary.

credits to googleimages and mentalhealth.com

WHAT IS A FRIEND?

2010-11-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

tomodachi : amigo : amiga: friend:

I won't bother looking around again in the wikipedia or any other sites that define what is a friend. I will define it my own according to what I see and experience being in friendship. Sometimes, looking for another meaning on the net or on the shelves will bend you out of shape if those ideal sweet meanings are not meet with your current friends. You expect more than what is reality a friend can only do for you or what that person you treat as friend is contrary to your anticipation.

♥ A friend is someone who will believe in you when the world says it's hopeless and even your family. The only one left still congratulating you how many times you quit for the job and reapply.

♥ TRUST. that's the first ingredient for a friendship to blend well. Enough is better.

Don't expect too much and depend on your friend, if she's a real friend she knows you need her in your better or in your worst times.

Some say, if you've been bully by some pranks... • she will defend you or fight for you... if you're friend really make it on the battlefield, then lucky for you. Contrary to expectation, most friends remain rational, calm,or keep silent. They don't like to involve in such childish fights. Even it's good to picture out your friend can do that but actually that won't solve anything.

Some say , she's your crying shoulder • True. She is your handkerchief. You can sniff and sniff and cry all your heart out. But, not all the time. What if she's not in the mood, can you rely that tears of yours to her shoulder? Some friends too do not tolerate such weakness all the time. It's ok if it's oft. You should be more dependent to yourself, not to rely your weakness to her all the time.

Some say friend will always be by your side • Partly true. If you mean it that she's visible by your side oftentimes, then you might agree. What if she's a thousand miles away from you? Would you reckon the promises and sweet nothing words? My friend is over there. She's working abroad. And I'm here. We're certified friends! And I don't feel so alone. I made two simple music vids 'by your side - faber drive' ; 'tabi - paraluman ft. kean' just to remind her I'm still here. You might be confuse now... Thinking of her makes me feel she's just beside me. Afterall, we know our hearts beat as one. It's just how you think makes you feel it.

If everything turned down, who else you'll gonna depend on in this world? • Some say... friends esp. when family is the one that abandonned. Don't be hypocrite. You're making things more complicated and miserable if you rely to mild humans. Like what I previously stated , depend more to yourself. Your friend is also a human. Think of the worst possibilities that will gonna happen to your life ... then evaluate if that friend of yours can be count on. She may support you but not your ultimate shield. She can lend you her strength but be tougher too in that way she might defend you all the way.

Some friends promise to lend their hand when your down and outcast. WHO??? There is no other human who can lend their hand all the time. I bet.All of us have different things to do everyday, everytime. Think of your INVISIBLE YET VISIBLE FRIEND. Treat HIM as your friend. HE's just there all the time watching you. Sometimes, we never think of Him because what we need is the one who can appear right before our sight, who will embrace us because we're hurt.

FRIENDS COME AND GO. True. No matter what kind of a friend she is, still appreciate her value. Afterall, each of them leave us lessons and experience that certainly we can use in our next stopover of friendship not just that even in our daily life. If you observed, some bitter friendship learned you to become more pleasant person. .. or helped you grow.

:))

PERFECT GUY?

2010-11-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

Where is the GUY I'm LOOKING for who will SATISFY my body, mind and soul?

What is perfect guy for me?

A girl or woman usually has her list of qualities for a perfect guy.

PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY:

1.Appealing

2. has erudite tastes

3. high browed

4. SLIM

5.organized

6. neat

7. clever

8. his sweetness are done in unpredictable way

9. can drive me crazy...

10. has self- control

11. even he's intelligent still it's better he knows how to give care to other people

12. CHRISTIAN (mind & soul)

and ETC - ETC means it's no use to write more attributes because I don't mean any real guy in this world.

If I ask my friends about their mate,they could tell a few but I realized that what good that guy for you might not necessarily look good to another girl. Then

perfect guy doesn't exist?

Looking for the perfect guy is undeniably what we girls desire to. . .

And lately, I was bothered a least, even the guys were around me yet I'm still looking better than him. I felt like I'm becoming perfectionist. I fantasized men who are already in my save memory.

And they can be seen on the screen.

I could only watch at them acting or singing .

They are the only men who makes me smile and get back my mood.

If I feel so stressed, I only think one of them who is so appealing and think his pure smile as my vitamins. Since those guys do not exist in my world,I thought to initiate and dare myself searching if there's such a guy who at least I could say I desire and do some effort. If only a guy appears even once in my life like tae kyung (in the koreanovela he's beautiful) or Channing Tatum, then I'll sign the contract of being a bachelorette forever!

Drama movies and teleseries really touch people feelings in many ways.

And I won't deny that I could wish I should've seen this movie with my date and

do sweet-nothings and toast our heads like kids and touch each other's nose.

Although we see couples on the TV or in movies who seem so in love and are perfectly match, they don't really exist in the real world.

Other human ,generally males, may think I'm so fairy-taled and think it's so absurd, Ahh, men are just envious because he's not the one I choose to.

To bad for him he's such a sore eye :)

Anyway, I 'm not in a hurry to look for a relationship, I'm still full of oxygen to live on my own.

De facto is, These full-of-charm guys are my vitamins both from stress and anxiety.

Rather than men who appear in my sight who give me so much headache.

Say, Even my cute Tae Kyung or any of my desired men will look like a chibi, a highbrow person, a stick cartoon I still like him. Ha ha!

That's the magical charm an actor/model possessed , no wonder :)

Appealing, erudite tastes, slim, organized and neat, clever, his sweetness are done in unpredictable way, can drive me crazy...

and ETC - means it's no use to write those attributes

because I don't mean any real guy in this world.

Some say it's very typical for us women, it's a give/take relationship. The man ought to give what woman wants and the other part, woman takes what she needs from her mate. It's not that we're living too much in fancy world. To think it is ridiculous for you might be. I think man couldn't blame us habitually looking or listing good attributes a guy must have, physically or emotionally. Especially, when a woman gone through bitter or displeasing past relationships

or see her guy is deficient or too lousy. And maybe she has gone through an ideal and she wants that relationship again and again, in short ADDICTING relationship. lewl.]

Hey, the subjects were obviously from the koreanovela 'He's beatiful' because they're delightful and sweet. But doesn't mean my writing about my perfect guy was rotated only by it.

credits to googleimages .

SADNESS IS CONTAGIOUS!

2010-11-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

My life is tossed like a paper. My balance of thinking is slowly dwindling like I was a dipsomaniac! Even though I don't entertain unhappiness currently yet I felt like there's always an instant invitation of the dark when I'm awfully bent out of shape. Optimism disappeared like dead petals scattered on the air, no matter how I tried to repeat those positive words in my mind. I could see how beaten myself in the broken mirror. I keep feeding my fighting spirit that it won't lose even if I will discover later I was alone fighting for myself. That I will get lose in the end.Even some of my friends that I thought are FRIENDS will eat me all up down to the marrow of my bones. I shall not quit because of their pointless threats. That is not important for now. . . I must keep striving even the world look at me like a creep. A living corpse who's still striving to get her life back!
Afterall, No matter where I see, I couldn't deny I have thought this world is also a hell. There is no difference being in this world or in the underworld where they called the HELL! Because people commit sins in no limit. People betray their own kind. People hurt their love in their selfish ways. To question myself why I'm sad... can be really contagious. Therefore, I must prevent myself from wretchedness and things that makes my heart heavy. Sigh, it's easier said than done, huh? Being alone is another luck for it to inject inside my soul. And the toxins of sadness will create another scenery and that is why you can see it through my face :(

MONSTER DAY NOT ALL SOULS/SAINTS DAY !

2010-10-31T16:54:00.001-07:00

monster... oh! monster! don't go near me. I'm scared of you! (tee hee)
I wonder why people celebrate halloween. Wearing all monster-like costumes and smeared make ups. We supposed to commemorate our departed loved ones. Were our loved ones are creeps ? deathly pale vampires ? cut head monk? flying coffin? white ladies? walking grim? They were certified monsters, I believed! But our loved ones are not monsters. Those monsters we're impersonating came from hell. I remember I asked my aunt who used to be as a choir member since I was a kid. Then I asked her why this celebration happens? We're praying for the dead not to raise those beasts from hell. It's like she was astounded on my question. It's undeniable how fun halloween party is but I wonder if this is also an invitation for scourgians to attend to. It's like we are giving once in a lifetime a chance for devils to enter to our world adn celebrate with us. Would that be great to you if the one you're dancing with is a real junkie who almost want to swallow you alive? I have heard some stories they experienced that during their party. But sometimes since your all-costume you cannot pick out the real-one monster! well, we are going today or tomorrow to visit them sleeping at their tombs. I hope they won't get badly disturbed with. Happy all souls day. Best regards to the wondering souls out there!

faber drive - by your side

2010-10-18T02:33:00.000-07:00

have you ever thought..?

2010-06-28T21:09:00.000-07:00

the cross .
as cicero referred to it as abominable punishment.
that inflicted terrible suffering on the crucified person
before he or she died.
and yet, nowadays people wear it around their neck, hang it on their bedroom wall, and have come to identify it as a religious symbol, forgetting that they are looking at an instrument of torture.

from the the story of hanz and fritz...

acomodador

2010-06-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Was there a point in your life you've been stucked? ; failed? ; unable to move on?
this point called ACOMODADOR

The acomodador or giving-up point :
there is always an event in our lives
that is responsible for us failing to progress;
a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappointment in love,
even a victory that we did not understand,
can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on.

i've read this from the novel of P. Coelho.
I was being hit by the term
and boosted my weak soul to get uP!

we have to learn how to fail on something,
so we can achieve something else.

we must find our own way to beat the acomodador from ourselves.

praise me, and i'll get myself squared.

2010-06-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

when people praise us,

we should always keep a close eye on

how we behave

change

2010-06-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

"No one can make a sea disappear"

invisible thief__

2010-06-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

you help me build my life
and had nearly destroyed me
you were like a thief in the night
who stole my heart and dignity
and without the intention
of returning back home

nakarelate lang ako sa isang nobela ni PC.

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

2010-06-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

what pain taught me...

2010-06-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

Pain.

have you suffer enough pain?

me? uhm i dont really know.

Pain is inevitably, undeniably part of life. It's human nature to cry, scream out louder, kneel under the rain, drink till the night surrenders...et al.

Was it wrong to express like this?
I just want to loose all the negative emotions -
the feeling to avenge,
the feeling to kill, the feeling of being dispirited, being betrayed, stabbed....
But i dont think that meant I'm BrokeN .weaK.hopeless.incompetent.pathetic. incapable to love again, incapable to move ahead more than you'd expect.

BIG LOLS.

Thanks for that. pain made me realised where are the shattered pieces of me. made me discover the 'lacking' in me. made me realised there's more to life than being enslave in your world.

pain resurrected me from being dead in all the things that I just overlooked.discounted.and whatever.

Pain made me realised that I need to be connected and reconnected. that I should not live this life selfishly alone. It challenged my pride and confidence. And disregard the world of formality and accepts the low ways of conversations and communications.

even though I always babbling about death, my death and the waiting of death...don't mean I'm not capable of living. I just don't quite follow the rules of this world,in fact, we haven't really know who set really these rules. Apparently, I too am only capable of losing a life , surely unsure of bringing some lives in this complicated world.

when loneliness shadowed me...

2010-06-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

If you have ever lost someone very important to you,
then you already know how it FEELS,
and if you haven't
you CANNOT possibly IMAGINE it.

It's crazy how at one moment
from a bond ,
when you have recklessly spend your time
with that someone
no matter what other people say
no matter what critics and ugly comments
receive , heard.
you both go on and on
like white birds flying and crashing
with the waves of the sea

It's still amazing and
I could say no one can unlock
our inseparable hands

but time has come
uff! I hate our destiny.

I'm not her future holder
she has a life too
And I knew this right from the start
I met her
That she had another life afar from me
it's inevitable.
Nevertheless, we cannot live all our life together
and spending all our free time alone

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away"

"It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone"

by rascal flatts

while it's playing in my mp3
It's like I make a music video inside my head
Me watching her take steps going inside the airport
Even if i hold much of my tears
it really poured out
damn.damn.damn.
feeling' boneless.
feelin' gray.
feelin' crazy.

[It's ironic
She doesn't remember this song
when she's the one who listened this before
And I just ignored it[

Obviously, this was my song when she left me.

All i have now
are the memories that i don't really know
if it help or it hurts more
it makes me smile
it makes me cry
it squeeze my heart
it breaks my head

I have memories wit' her everywhere!!!

Randomly at the mall shopping @ artwork and elsewhere
@ mcdo beating their ads wit fries in the fudge,
convenience store late @ night,
walking in her street
going to downtown
Every stuff in my room,
playing games @ cafe
her ALL.

I miss you best.

God bless.

♥

my color personality test

2010-06-02T07:25:00.001-07:00

peachcake8 took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

""Is intimidated by the activities going on around ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

the sudden loss of 'r chief blood [violet mode]

2010-06-01T19:21:00.001-07:00

the loss of someone...[breakdown mode]
what should i feel?
I know i supposed to cry
but my head kept tellin' me
why would I?
when years have gone
I used to live without a father in my side
there were no how-are-you's
No...Nothing at all.

I know the death of my father is unpredictive,
unexpected,
no signs at all.
when my father almost loss his breathe, 99% dying...
I just thought if it all flashback to his mind
all his lacks,
defection,
failure for his family:
to his son and daughters
being unable to show the role of a father.

" Ano kaya ang mga huling sambit ng kanyang bibig
at huling laman ng kanyang isip."

Not all wounds get healed
If not doctorized by the person
who caused you agony and trouble within,
time take cares of it.

So I hope they won't demand me right away
to forgive and consider asap
it's because he's now dead
I still believe there's the right time
to lighten all the weights inside.

I know my heart and my mind
will gotta find a way to fix all itself

sayonara.