Yolinna's Other Mat

On being real.

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:50:00 +0000

An Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams:

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

When I start to get bogged down and tired of replaying the same old aggravations and insecurities, when I get down on myself and chastise myself for expecting perfection, I remember that I am real. I am real. My hair has turned gray, my eyes are dropping out and I am quite loose in my joints. Sometimes my heart feels a bit tired but never broke. Sometimes my spirit feels a little shabby, like the years have taken off the shine but when I spend some time with it, I find the light is still there. When I get a little ragged because the things that seem important to me are not important to those closest to me, I have to remember what's really important; birth... life.... death... rebirth... Sa Ta Na Ma.

I say what I mean. I am who I am. I can't change how others feel about me, only myself. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Sometimes I choose suffering, but then I remember the Skin Horse. Wisdom is not easy, people may not always understand or 'get it' but the realness makes it worth it. I can't pretend to care any more than I can pretend I don't care.

This too shall pass.

Taking Charge

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:21:00 +0000

9 days into the year and I'm feeling like I've gotten more done than I did in the 365 last year. I know there was some Saturn/Mercury/Insert Excuse Here Retrograding going last year but it felt like I was trudging through sludge. Now I'm dancing. More like hoisting...

I got a new laptop as a reward for my efforts last year which is entertaining because a large part of my effort consisted of trying to make my 10 year old PC talk to my bottom of the line laptop while trying to fit 20gb music into an 8gb ipod. First world problems, I know, but when you are trying to run a business where music is a priority; it can be quite time consuming. My newsletter won't run on my old browser... I can't print off my flyers so I have to mail them to myself... just a dozen time wasters that aren't on purpose, unlike the new mystery games I have discovered on my new laptop...

It was a bit cumbersome to move everything off each device onto one device that can actually take it but oh, what a relief to have everything in one place! My cd drive didn't work in my old pc so I have cd's from a few years ago that I can actually put on my ipod now-- neither of my old computers had the capacity for my pictures so they were divided up between the 2 computers, a partitioned drive and cds, this new baby can put them all in one place, it's amazing. Plus, I don't have to worry about random people accidentally putting virus's on my computer because it has fingerprint technology, they can't get in without my finger! (which by the way, I had a horrible dream about the other night, yikes!)

Because I now have a laptop, I don't necessarily need a big desk so the big bonus here is that after 10 years I finally have a dining room again! Yes, the whole house is re-arranged because we took down the desk to put the dining room furniture in which created space throughout the whole house. It's freaking amazing. The house feels like a home instead of a built in apartment over my office. Since we now have a lease at the studio, all my work stuff is gradually making it's way over there and once our lease is up at the other space we'll be able to put all our eggs in one basket... maybe. Life feels sooooooo much simpler.

I get that on the list of world problems, my inconveniences are WAY down but I do feel freer, we even had a dinner party with some of our close friends-- can't tell you the last time I did that. I am planning to do that much more this year. All in all, I have high hopes for 2012 and I feel like I can breathe a bit easier.

Linda: do not mess this up and find ways of filling the empty space!

Twas the week after Christmas...

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Lots of thoughts swirling in my head, random snippets of next year I will's. As in, next year I will stop and smell the roses. Next year I will not be so ridiculous in my scheduling. Next year I will get my house organized. Next year I will earn enough money to let someone else clean it. Next year I will get rid of anything that I am holding onto because of fear. Or obligation. Next year I will only give cheerfully. Next year I will share my abundance. Good or bad.

Next year I will learn to nap. Or meditate regularly. Or both. Next year I will spend more alone time with God. And with my family. And with my friends. Next year I will accept what I cannot change. Next year I will accept no less than respect for myself. From myself.

Next year I will talk softer. And less. Next year I will be less suspicious. Next year if someone wants my coat, I will offer my shirt as well. Next year I will not worry, or anger needlessly over fear of not being able to do my job diligently. Next year I will practice what I preach. Even if it reduces my practice time.

Next year will be one of great joy. Next year will be bittersweet. Next year I will learn about the pinnacle of happiness being twinged with the breath of letting go. Next year I reflect on one chapter of my life closing... and another opening without holding onto the other, letting her fly. Next year I rest safe in the knowledge of a job well done and trust that I will always be welcomed in the heart of my workplace.

Next year holds the anticipation of my highest hopes and biggest dreams. Next year holds the mystery of the next mountain. Next year we will plant the seeds from this year and let them bloom.

And so it is.

Dream? or Omen?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:17:00 +0000

Last night I had another crazy dream. I was directing a play with 4000 kids-- It wasn't really 4000 but it really felt like it. (maybe it was a memory?) We were doing Seussical, one of my favorite plays. I didn't really know any of the kids, they weren't "my" kids but they were enthusiastic. Melodie was with me-- my usual partner in theater crime-- and we were quite overwhelmed with it all. The dream went very fast, casting, rehearsing and opening night were in a blink of an eye. (ha ha, insert pun here)

I walk in Dodd's Hall and the audience is already there, I realize that we have no ushers, no one to stop them. Kids are running around everywhere, eating (a cardinal NO in their costumes), they are running on the stage and through the crowd (another NO, you can't let the audience see you before the performance), I realize we have no backstage moms to corral them. What a mess. Mel and I decide to just go with it. Let the silly play go on, we'll figure it out later.

So we are sitting together opening night, I remember some of our old theater buddies coming in and being sort of embarrassed for them to see this play because we had slapped it together and didn't have the talent we were used to. We kept looking at each other with our Mel/Linda look, nervous but smiling and nodding. Gratefully, the lights went down and the show started. We realize immediately that we had forgotten a very important part of the show: SOUND. No microphones, no body mikes, no overhead, no speakers, nothing. We panic. "oh my gosh, how could we forget such a major part of theater? it's been too long, we are out of practice, we shouldn't have done this..." But we decide we'll just call it a dress rehearsal and none will be the wiser.

Suddenly, we hear this odd voice coming from stage right. "Who is that?"
Melodie says, "oh yeah, remember it's that weird kid with the red hair, I can't remember his name" (again, a cardinal NO, we always know our kids really well by performance time)
I'm squinting trying to get a look at him... and I exclaim, "wait a minute, why is it so dark on stage?!!!!!

Yep, we forgot the other REALLY important part of theater: LIGHT. I freak out, run out of the auditorium, run to the overhead light switches and flip them all on. Only 3 work and they are over the audience and worse; I only catch the tale end of the last song of the first act! How could we go through the whole first act without realizing there's no LIGHT?

I'm running around in a total panic, "get me up on the bridge, I'll do the spotlights!!"
"you can't get up on the bridge, I sealed the hole to make an air vent"
"WHAT???"
"well grab a ladder and we'll put new overhead stage lights in"
"you can't, we lent the ladder to ____ and they won't come back for at least a month and besides, the congregation decided they were too bright, we like a dim light..."
"WHAT???"

Holy moly, I woke up in a sweat. What a nightmare! I came downstairs to make coffee and it dawned on me that maybe it was a sign. I've been really crazy busy this month and part of it has been because I've been trying to plan next year. Trying to leave space in the calendar to do a play. I REALLY miss doing plays. Everyone tells me I'm crazy to try and fit it in. I brush it off.

But SOUND? and LIGHTS? Kinda important.

Better make sure to get that covered first --(she says with a giggle)

dreams and dogs and insights, oh my

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 14:38:00 +0000

Last night I dreamt that my dog, Max the German Shepherd, drowned in my hot tub. I felt horrible because in my dream I forgot I decided to give Max a treat since he had always wanted to get in the hot tub but I wouldn't let him cause I didn't want to soak in fur and dog saliva. So I let him in and went about my day, something to do with people knocking at the door and taking care of business... and then Barry came home wondering where Max was and I remembered. But it was too late. Poor Barry had to really struggle to lift this huge, wet, soggy Shepherd out of the tub and carry it up the hill. As he was struggling, I was watching, saying a prayer for Max and Max opened his eyes. And then they closed. I kept praying and they opened.. and closed... and opened. This went on for what seemed like eternity until finally he started wagging his tail. "Barry, he's alive!! he's alive!" Barry argued that it was just wishful thinking on my part but then finally had to admit it was true.

And then I woke up.

This dream is ridiculous for a multitude of reasons, not the least of is: I don't have a German Shepherd named Max. I never had. In fact, in the dream Barry remarks that although it was sad, at least it wasn't Bubba... a German Shepherd we had when we first moved into our home 28 years ago (28? Holy Moses) Secondly, I would never let a dog in my hot tub no matter how much it wanted to get in... ewww. Although, Suki, my eskimo spitz did jump in the hot tub once. Poor little thing almost drowned cause the jets were running to clean and we didn't know she jumped in and she couldn't get back out; she's a mini-dog. She never did it again. I would assume a Shepherd could just climb out.

I guess probably the important part of the dream was the thinking the dog was dead, actually seeing it lying there under the water, motionless, and then it coming back to life.

Been seeing a lot of hawks lately. Hawks are messengers. I feel like I am getting a multitude of messages lately but I have no freaking clue what they mean. Yesterday was the first day I had my house to myself in months. When that happens, I tend to be a bit all over the place til I can simmer back down again.

Do you think simmering had something to do with it? I kinda wanted to get in my hot tub... but now I'm afraid to open it... I should have never read Pet Cemetery when I was young.

Rules for Gruntlement

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:19:00 +0000

1. Don't drink and blog. Ever.
2. Especially on a Sunday after a tough week.
3. Don't beat yourself up either if you break rule 1 & 2. You are human and real. Give others the permission to be the same. Who wants to read sunshine and light all the time?
4. People are allowed to bitch and moan.
5. People that never bitch and moan, even to themselves, become serial killers.
6. Just kidding.
7. Maybe.
8. Mercury Retrograde ends in 2 days!
9. It's hard to be gruntled when you are trying to be a really nice person. and you understand everyone else is too.
10. Gruntled does not sound like a happier state then disgruntled.

Here we come a wassailing... among the leaves so green....

A funny thing happened on the way to the ....

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:57:00 +0000

You ever get really, really busy and just go into hyper mode and then it ceases and you look around and wonder what the heck hit you? Not that it ever ceases for long. Which is a good thing considering the alternative. But yeah... that's where I'm at.

We had a great time at the Happy Hour Tarot Circle, it seems like it's going to be a really unique, fun time. The Open House was lovely, I was a bit sad because I'm used to it being at my house but I am grateful that I didn't have to try to make all that stuff AND clean my house. Ann pitched in, helping with the jewelry and what not... but I miss creating.. something to keep in mind as I plan my New Year. I had a delightful time putting together my 'potions', but there was too much work and not enough delight. I was also sad to see the amount of dust on my jewelry supplies and ribbons and essential oils. I cannot believe that I hadn't made any jewelry or 'potions' for a solid year, which is what made it so hard. No wonder I'm feeling such a lack of creativity.

Creating is vital. If we are not creating, we are not living. This year was very busy working... but sort of low on creating. I mean, we created a yoga studio, but that was not really new, except the whole space issue... which was heavy on the issue... I guess I'm just feeling a lack of ... newness? brilliance? joy?

Silly I guess. It's Sunday night after an extremely labor intensive week, I suppose brilliance would be a bit lacking. Just happy that my feet are starting to stop aching... oh my, nothing but complaints here, huh?

How bout this:

A horse walks into a bar... bartender says, "why the long face?"

One last question:

If I keep working my ass off, why doesn't it get smaller? Just wondering...

What is Karuna Reiki?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:04:00 +0000

I received my final Karuna Master attunement on Saturday. Words cannot contain the bigness of that statement. I started on this Reiki journey many moons ago-- if I get ambitious (and have time) I will put the links to my other posts about the steps on the way here. It's been an amazing journey, so many twists and turns, so many completely unexpected experiences and the destination is a complete surprise. I feel like I'm on the top of a mountain, looking back at my trail and realizing I could have never predicted this path in a million years. Of course, I can't see the beginning because it was a leap off a different mountain... the beginning of a fool's journey... a leap of faith, so to speak.

I am intrigued by the image of a circle of mountains, and me with my little knapsack, steadily climbing each one and then throwing myself joyfully off the peak, only to trudge on up the next one. Wish I was a painter... I'd call it Linda's Magnificent Journey. In my knapsack I carry a piece of each mountain, which gives me the courage to climb the next and the wisdom to find the trail. The sky is a beautiful purple and red, and the next couple of mountains are shrouded in long strips of white clouds, hiding the tops, that occasionally peak through with a glimpse of crystalline diamonds, the sun reflecting off the snow. Higher and higher they go...

But I digress.

Karuna Reiki® has 4 levels, 2 practitioner, 1 master, 1 teacher. Usui Reiki has 4 levels, 2 practitioner, 1 master, 1 teacher. The Usui and Karuna teacher levels include 2 Tibetan attunement symbols. So for those of you interested in titles, I am now a Usui/Tibetan/Karuna® Reiki Master-Teacher, which means nothing to anyone but Reiki practitioners on the same journey, but is sure hard to fit on a business card. But the knowledge contained in each of those words is transformational and transcending. If I opened my soul and let you see a glimpse of what I've seen and done on this journey, it would take your breath away... as it has mine.. and that's no small statement for a yoga teacher.

Usui Reiki has been passed from master to student since Dr. Usui discovered it in his search for the healing energy that Jesus gave the disciples. Karuna Reiki® has been developed from ancient healing traditions from many different cultures, channeled and tested by a group of Usui Masters, guided by William Rand, the Western world's leading researcher and authority on Reiki. If you want further info on Karuna and Rand, visit his website at www.reiki.org. My training lineage travels back to Dr. Usui through William Rand, as does many of the worlds Reiki Masters. The differences between Karuna and Usui Reiki are immense.. but it's comparing apples to oranges... one is not more powerful than another, just different.

In my mind, I sort of see it as the difference between Christianity and Hinduism. Both believe in one God, but in different forms. Christians follow the Father, Son, Holy Spirit; Hindis have many more. Usui Reiki has 3 symbols plus a Master symbol. Karuna has 8 symbols plus a Master symbol. Each symbol invokes a different intention-- sort of like when you see a heart, you think of love, or a peace sign, or a cross or an Om... each symbol helps you zone into your blessing for your client. Karuna has been called the Reiki of compassionate action, Usui the system of natural healing... you see how it is difficult to pigeon-hole? And there is no need. I use both interchangeably in my healings, they work quite well together. With each level I've completed, the energy just gets stronger and stronger, and I just become more and more blessed.

Today I feel on top of the world! My face feels bright, my heart is light, I am rejoicing in the season of Light and love and about to go on a mushy rampage! Seriously, I have never felt this good in my life. I see the abundant banquet and am stepping into my council of elder's shoes, smiling at the wise ones around me.

And so it is.

Why can't every day be like Thanksgiving weekend?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:45:00 +0000

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my job. Most of it. 99% of it. Which is quite a bit all things considered. But I love my life too. Sometimes I feel like I spend far too much time on my job and not enough on my life. Sometimes I even think my job IS my life. Which it is, sort of. But there's another side where I'm not in charge, where I'm lazy (gasp!), where I like to listen to music that has words (!!!) and where I play mindless silly games with my silly family, cackling and carrying on.

At Thanksgiving, other than the whole cooking and (ugh) Christmas decorating, I am just me. I sit. I schlep. I eat (way too much, which is a strong selling point for working) and chill out. My daughter comes home and we giggle over little inside jokes... esp. at church :-(... and we do girly things like go to a beauty parlor and get gelaties... not at the beauty parlor of course. But alas, she is on her way home. I am trying to motivate myself to conquer my long to do list. The fact that I am WAY behind doesn't seem to be all that motivating.

Things are changing in our world. I want this little slice of time to stay. I don't want to go to the next part.. and the next... and really to the next. I want this 4 day weekend, with family, to go on and on. I want to sit on my couch and look over at my baby, all grown up and wise, and just bask in her loveliness. But I know that her loveliness comes from her being off my couch. The wisdom is from her spreading her wings and learning about the world beyond this one. I am blessed that this is one of her landing spaces.

Fine, I'll get up and do my work. After a shower. And maybe another bon bon or two.
Hope your Thanksgiving was lovely, too.

3 in a row?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:13:00 +0000

I don't really have time to blog today. Of course, I didn't yesterday either. But my head feels clearer, I feel like I am back in me mode. It's funny, I have done the 3 pages a day from the Artist Way on and off for years... but I find that it evolves into a to do list, or worse, ends up being the same old whiny crap year after year. Life doesn't usually change that much year to year if you look at it by the day. It's when you look back 5 years or so that you realize, "holy moly, who saw that coming?"

I went to a crystal bowl soundscape Friday night. I am trying to do stuff that I would have done before I started doing it primarily for work. It's important to remember how to be experiencing instead of giving the experience. For example, it was interesting to watch other people doing my job, leading a group. I'm usually really hard on myself about not being organized enough, or not being clear enough or people not liking me. (sheesh, does that EVER go away?) It was great to see that even though these teachers were not exactly overly organized or great speakers, in fact, at one point Barry & I were sending calm Reiki to one of them, everyone, including me, had a really great experience. Something to tuck away in the back of my mind when I start beating myself up. Like I wish I had tucked away the grammar rules for the use of commas and semi colons....

Anyway, this meditation was really interesting. We were in this little room-- not even as big as our studio-- and the teacher had 7 big, beautiful crystal bowls. (I'm not gonna lie, I was coveting those bowls) She began to play them and the sound was immense. Like, I felt it was reverberating around my head... at one point, I started to think that I wasn't going to be able to take that noise for a whole hour, I may have to start screaming and run out of the room. But then, this beautiful angel started singing. She had the clearest, purest voice I've ever heard. She was singing ancient chants and hymns, it was gorgeous. I felt someone place a large crystal on my solar chakra and the warmth of the crystal combined with the warmth of her voice and I became mesmerized. My body felt so heavy I couldn't move. Just kept sinking deeper and deeper into the earth. To the point that it almost became uncomfortable. Almost.

The Reiki Master, who was Karuna like me (a different branch of Reiki) started coming around giving Reiki. One of the reasons I went was to get Karuna reiki, I've given it but never received it. He started at my feet, and I was a bit surprised because his hands were cold. No worries, I know Reiki isn't always passed through warm hands. I didn't feel much energy from him but I think it's cause I was trapped in an ego mind instead of just experiencing. By the time he got to my head, his hands were warmer, I kept wondering whether he could sense that I was Karuna too... again, ego mind. Ugh. It was pleasant for sure, but I was feeling more energy from the crystal on my belly. All the while the noise is tremendous with the bowls and the singing, it was a really wild experience.

And then suddenly, it was quiet. The teacher played a small Tibetan bowl on either side of each of our ears... and then silence. She came around with a rain stick... after all the noise, it was so beautiful. After a few more minutes of absolute silence, she starts to bring us back.... asking us to roll over when we are ready. I sort of panic a bit because I don't know whether to grab the crystal off my belly first or wait for them to get it but when it became obvious they weren't going to, I slowly roll over. Yep. No crystal. No where. Never was. Interesting...

I've always had a solar chakra imbalance. Whenever I received Reiki from my teacher, that was where I felt it most, regardless of where her hands were. I thought I had worked that out. Apparently not.

Anyways, it was a great experience for a multitude of reasons. I spoke with the folks after and will be bringing them to my studio, I think our people will love it.

Whoops, look at the time! Gotta go!

Glad I got that outta my system...

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:11:00 +0000

So, back to our regularly scheduled programming....my son and I had an interesting conversation the other day. He (lets just call him Negative Nathan) was saying that he didn't believe in the idea of soul-mates and that you should only be in a relationship when it's good and if the person starts to become really annoying, you should just break it off. Like, it's okay to argue a bit, but if you get to the "I don't like you" stage, it's time to throw in the towel and move on to the next.

Having been married for 32 years, I strongly disagree. In fact, his mere existence is proof of the error of his thinking. We didn't have Nathan until we'd been married 7 years. We probably would not have lasted 1 year if we followed his philosophy. Hell, we probably wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I tried to explain to him that relationships are how we attain the biggest growth in our lives, they act as a mirror to reflect the things about ourselves that we don't want to see... that when the relationship gets tough is the time that you actually begin to even HAVE a relationship.. up til that time it's just a fantasy. Or Lust. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

He, being Nathan, disagreed. Of course. He said it applied to all relationships, not just marriage, so when friendships get tough, get out. I thought about my true friends-- you know, not the "Hi! How Are You? Let's Have Lunch Someday" ones.. My best friend who has been my best friend for at least 30 years. We had a rip roaring fight in the first year or two of our friendship. I refused to be in her wedding for goodness sakes-- it was a crazy time. We got through. We worked it through. And we discovered a true kinship. She is closer to me than any exterior family member I have. That would have never happened if we followed the Nathan rule.

I got to thinking about my business partner slash great friend. When we formed this business relationship, I idolized her (I have a tendency to do that). I thought she was the smartest, most brilliant person I'd ever met. We'd have long philosophical conversations that I'd walk away from in awe. I really liked her. As the business unfolded, and troubles set in, life got very stressful. We started bickering. We even had a point where we thought we may have to walk away in order to maintain any semblance of friendship. It was a TOUGH year. As Rev. James says, "People behave badly when they get stressed." I think we would both agree that we made some assumptions about each other that weren't entirely accurate based on the high level of stress we were feeling.

The cool thing is what's on the other side of that craziness. I no longer idolize her. But I really admire and love her. She's real. Not a fantasy. I've seen her warts, so to speak, and I feel much closer to her on a completely different level than before. I miss our big conversations, for sure. But I like the way we work together, I think we really complement each others strengths. And weaknesses. Now that we know what they are. Sometimes I think we irritate the heck out of one another. Cause that's what family does occasionally-- our training ground for relationships. I'll take a deep realistic love for someone over a fantasy any day.

The people that we allow to push our buttons are the ones we know will always have our back. You won't know that if you don't stick in for the tough parts.

Relief?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 14:56:00 +0000

Man, it's been a crazy year. I have 10 blog posts hidden from public view that I may or may not publish... I don't really want to go back and read them. This has been a tough year. I blog to clear my head, but some of those thoughts had to stay inside.

The weird thing is that one of the biggest head cloggers has finally been resolved. But instead of relief, I just feel numb. I went to a meditation Friday night where you had to decide what to let go of at the beginning. By the end of the meditation I couldn't remember what it was and decided that I must have truly let it go. Yesterday, a comment was made that I instantly reacted to. And realized, oh yeah, that's what I let go of. NOT.

I tell my clients all the time that sometimes it takes time to get rid of years of accumulated stuff. I am the last person to expect to be instantly better after a long siege but I do feel like I should at least have a sense of relief. And I do. But I'm tired. I get that things had to be what they were for blah, blah, blah reasons. And I also get that the first year of "starting" a business is probably the toughest. And I get that the biggest growth comes when we are uncomfortable. I think a year of going, going, going would have an impact regardless of the circumstances. I know it will get better. I'm asking for help, I'm picking up my "tools" to guide me, I'm praying and meditating, I'm actually giving myself permission to not always be in charge and I'm allowing myself to receive instead of constantly giving... I'm taking very deep breaths. And I'm being patient with myself, not requiring myself to 'get over it' until I can release it for real.

I thought about going to church today. I was thinking that now that the lease issue is solved that I would really like to go back to my church 'family' and personally thank those who stood by me, who fought hard and believed in our mission and didn't try to deny their connection to me. I received the most beautiful e-card from 2 of them, made me break down and cry, there are some really wonderful souls who just 'get' it. I am so thankful to them for their support, even when I was ready to throw it all in, just give up and move to Alcatraz. I am grateful. I guess the thing is... the ones I really thought had my back, who were my best friends, who I spent many hours of time outside of church, laughing and sharing our lives... haven't heard from them. All year.

I'm not ready to go to church. I am far too beat down and vulnerable. I can't be sure of my own feelings yet.. I need to get distance and perspective. I need to see clearly. I'm not one to put on a false smile and pretend to be okay while quietly working behind the scenes... and it's REALLY hard for me to figure out those that do. Don't want to be paranoid. Or stupid. So it's not time for church. Maybe later.

For now, I'll meet God in my back yard and in the eyes of the people who love me. I miss the welcoming arms of my church family, absolutely. No question. But I need to get a bit stronger to deal with the rest of it. The nice thing is that some of them reach out to me.

And for that, I am thankful.

11/11/11

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:14:00 +0000

I was reading my facebook wall this morning and was struck by the dividing line between the "woo woos" and the "whoa nots". Since I walk a line in the middle (I hope) I can certainly see both sides. 20 posts thanking our veterans and their sacrifices... 20 posts saying now is time to wake up to love and compassion. I can't help but think of the unsung heros of our world, the veterans who don't get parades and applause, the ones who make quiet sacrifices without fanfare. The ones who fight hard without bloodshed. The ones who heal those damaged on every level by war and hatred.

I think of the women keeping the home fires burning, taking care of children without respite. Keeping a smile on their face when the loneliness of missing their man and the worry over losing him is close to hysteria, but yet they keep going.

I think of the babies born never knowing their father.. or worse, the children sentenced to a life of missing the comforting arms of their mother. I think of the parents who have lost their precious son or daughter, never dreaming that they would outlive their child. I think of the households where the daily energy is worry, anxiety and sadness.

I think of the innocent in the way, the ones who didn't get to make a choice whether to go to war or not. The ones whose homes are destroyed or worse, the ones whose lives are destroyed in ways most of us can't possibly understand. Thank God we can't understand.

Finally, I think of the peacemakers, the ones who fight in different ways for a better world. The ones who are accused of not caring for their country or worse, not supporting their "troops". The ones who speak up and say war is wrong. The ones who believe the only true way to support a veteran is to get them out of harms way. The healers and lightworkers sending and praying for peace, every minute of every day.

The "woo woos" believe that today is a gateway to the world waking up, to a new era being born where love and light are what is celebrated. 1111 is an awakening-- are we going to continue doing things the same way, getting the same results and wondering why? Or are we going to use our glorious brains... and hearts... and find a new way, where we let go of wanting power more than compassion? Where we realize that winning at the cost of the people is not really winning? A world that is truly united... and not just 50 states.

I would NEVER take anything away from the men and women who believed so deeply in love for their people that they paid the ultimate sacrifice. I am grateful to those who fought so bravely and so valiantly for their cause, even if it wasn't theirs to begin with. I wish blessings on the survivors of war, all of them, and hope that God comforts their wounded bodies and minds and spirits. Thank you is not enough.

However, I would call to the world to watch your words, watch out for what you are manifesting. 1111 is a snapshot into the world you are creating... are your words peaceful? Are they loving? Are they manifesting light? Or are you saying that pain and war and suffering are inevitable and necessary? We create what we feel is truth.

And so it is.

Peace Pole

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 23:28:00 +0000

Life has been swirling. There's been an earthquake, a hurricane and a flood. We've been to Fenwick and Lake George. We learned how to do Reiki drumming. And Chakra toning.

And then suddenly, it's September.

Barry & I have spent the day making a Peace Pole for outside the yoga studio. We have a Reiki Share tomorrow, September 11th, the 10 year anniversary. We decided we needed to do something and a peace pole seems like the perfect thing. It's a large 4x4 that we've painted white. On one side we've painted "May Peace Prevail on Earth". We've painted it again on the other 3 sides... in Japanese, Hindi and Persian. I did the Japanese & Hindi, Barry the Persian and English.

We had much debate over which languages to use. We thought about Haitian Creole to honor our youth that just got back from Haiti. We thought about Spanish/Mexican but since we didn't know which one we decided that our friends that go to Honduras could gather with the youth and make their own pole LOL. We thought about Cherokee and German to honor our ancestors. The possibilities were endless but finally we decided to do Japanese to honor the founder of Reiki and the founder of Peace Poles. Hindi/Sanskrit to honor our yoga studio and Persian to honor the day with a hope for peace, as well as some lovely members of our Reiki community. Of course, those 3 are probably the hardest ones to write, which sort of makes it all the more special. I put a "sorry if it's wrong but my intentions are good" message in a hidden place, being a bit worried about Kanji, knowing just a small brush stroke in a wrong direction completely changes the meaning of the words... hope I didn't write "may peace prevail in my pants" or something stupid like that.

There are over 200,000 Peace Poles placed all over the world since 1975. If you do some research you will see pictures of Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, the Pope, all standing next to planted peace poles. There are peace poles planted in every continent of the world and in almost every country of the world. And now, there will be one at CCPC in the memorial garden. Or, if someone at CCPC decides to have a problem with it, there will be one in my yard, LOL.

It's so awesome. We got a solar lighted cap for it so peace will shine all night, every night. We will dedicate it, charge it with Reiki and use it as a constant reminder of what's important.

May Peace Prevail on Earth! Today and Everyday!

Amen.

In the Blink of an Eye

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 14:05:00 +0000

Suddenly, the house is quiet. It seems empty. The light is dimmer. Was it really just 3 years ago that my baby went off to college? How is it possible that she is a Senior? It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around.

Everything is always a bit more exciting when shes around, and this summer was exceptionally so. It's wild to think that 3 years ago she was counting the days til school ended and this year she was counting the days so she could get back. She loves Montreat. She intends to stay there. So much so that she overcame the last hurdle to adulthood, her final fear so to speak.

She came home this summer determined to get her drivers license. For a multitude of reasons, she hadn't gotten it before, the largest being fear, the smallest being time. This new adult came home, booked her own class and set herself a goal of getting the license before July 1. She got a bit sidetracked when her best friend scooped her up for a road trip.... and then of course, there was the whole issue of a car for her to drive... but the worst was trying to get an appointment to take the stupid test! After she finished drivers ed, and driving with the instructor which went from coming home bursting into tears over how hard it was to drive around here.. to complete confidence over how easy it was for her to parallel park.. and we worked a deal to help her buy a cute little red car.. she signed up online for her appointment. In Salisbury. Which is about 2 hours away. Why? Because they had the first available appointment, 5 weeks (!) away AND they were the only place that had an appointment BEFORE she had to leave to go back to school. 3 days later.

Talk about pressure. Here she has this cute little red car... which may become OUR cute little red car if she failed the test. She's not coming home again til November since she's planned a road trip to Florida for fall break... (an aside: wth? she's not coming home? who IS this person?) So, we had 5 weeks to stew over what would happen if she couldn't drive to school. And when could we get her back here so she could retake the test? My stomach hurts over the thought of it all. I sent more Reiki on Thursday as she was taking the test than I think I ever have.... but, as with everything else, I should have had confidence in this new adult. She has amazing determination. And the ability to withstand pressure and thrive. She has matured, no more shrinking violet here... She was gonna do it and she did.

So, she just drove off in her cute little red car. Full of bubbling excitement and anticipation over going home. To her new home. To the life she has created for herself. Where she is an adult, with great friends and 2 great jobs and a busy, active lifestyle. To camp and hike and kayak and learn. Everything I have wished for her is coming true.

I forgot to wish for it happening a bit closer to home.

"All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind...." Rhiannon~Stevie Nicks

Bluebirds Part 2 & 3

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 14:14:00 +0000

Last week Gretchen, my friend Carol's daughter, brought me the most beautiful gift. Carol loved the image of the mad bluebird-- had put it on her SoulCollage cards, I can still see the sparkle in her eyes when she would show it to me. "How can you not laugh when you look at this? Such a great picture!" In fact, when my business partner, Ann, received a commission to work with the photographer, I think Carol was more excited than she was. Imagine how thrilled I was when Gretchen came in with my gift and it was Carol's signed, framed picture of the mad bluebird! I know how much Carol treasured it-- I will do the same. Hung it right up over the shelf that I've placed the little bluebird statue that Carol gave me before she died. Every time I pass them I smile.

This last Saturday was SoulCollage. SoulCollage days are still a bit tough, it just feels like a big ole hole is at the table. This one, although it was amazingly attended, still felt like something was missing. I include the framed pic Carol gave me of her Linda SoulCollage card next to the candle in the center of the new cards that are created during our session to honor her. But at the end of the day, I still feel a bit wistful. This past week I was determined to find a picture of a bluebird to put on my Carol card but was unsuccessful at finding just the perfect one. I was talking to a fellow SoulCollager after everyone had gone, explaining how I really wanted to make a card for Carol but just can't seem to find the pic. I was standing at the desk, with my hand on my big SoulCollage card box, while my friend was saying, "so it must just be really hard to do these gatherings... " and I was agreeing, explaining that I really had considered giving them up entirely but the first one after she passed was so well attended that I felt that Carol was reaching out to me from beyond, making sure I kept doing them! As I'm talking, I look down and gasp. My hand was resting on a beautiful picture of a bluebird!!! No kidding!! It took my breath away.

I bought that box months and months ago. I never once noticed there was a bluebird on it! In fact, I'm not so sure it ever was there but for the sake of sanity, I will just think I overlooked it :) What an amazing coincidence. A bevy of bluebirds flying all over my SoulCollage card box. Who da thunk it? I don't really need to make a Carol card with my whole daggone deck being surrounded with her spirit. Crazy.

My cup runneth over. Carol, you are too funny. Miss you!

Just kidding...

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 13:04:00 +0000

Yep, the brink was just a plateau...

But we may have found an oasis...

or an island off the mainland.

But it would be better if it was vice versa.

You can't have everything.

At least not all at once.

But most of life is much, much better.

I love my partner.

It's good to have the excitement back.

Makes it much easier to get through the hard times. Or the BS.

Sort of like marriage, life has it's ups and downs, we learn that all is not ever truly lost unless we want it to be.

It just takes hard work and perseverance. Good thing that doesn't bug me. Story of my life-- but a good one. When it's on to the next chapter anyways...

Praying for the uptight. May they see the trees for the forest.

On the Brink

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 14:01:00 +0000

Today seems a monumental day. Of course, lately, most days seem monumental. I am hoping that after today, most days will seem extraordinary. Ordinary with a bit of extra here and there. Happy extra of course. Can I put that order in, please?

"I'll take a regular day with a side of special and a little extra spice. Thanks!'

It would be quite nice to begin moving forward again. Seems like we keep going back to the same points over and over. Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water... the tsunami hits! Be kinda nice to float, smiling, lending a hand to others floating by, sharing our preservers happily, without being worried they will be ripped from our bodies.

Our classes have been a bit smaller lately. I'm not really worried with summer and vacations being prevalent but I'm hoping its that and not our upheaval and what not. I remember when I was taking Tai Chi and absolutely LOVED my classes and my teacher but then he started bickering with his landlords. I could feel his angst each week, and sometimes he would even share his frustration with a few of us. It became harder and harder to go to class. Not because he wasn't a great teacher... but because life is just too stressful to take on stress at your stress relieving place, you know? He eventually left and then came back but it was never the same. Plus, once you get out of a habit...

Oh dear, here I am talking myself into issues where there probably aren't any. Life feels better, much better. We've been blessed and we are blessed to know it. We are poised to move on, and some really great things are looming ahead. All start up businesses go through much upheaval and turmoil til they find their groove. I think we are really lucky to have so little of it really. Things could have been much, much worse. We found our groove very early... just needed to find the right music to go with it. Now that we've worked out a lot of it I feel like we'll be break dancing before long. Anyone know a good Zumba teacher?

"Let's get it started in here... Let's get it started in here" (waves hands to the roof)

Bluebirds

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:26:00 +0000

Had an amazing thing happen the last day of vacation. I've been really trying to think everything through, trying to decide whether to stay at the studio, stay partners, move, quit my job, start all over, blah, blah, blah. The closer it got to today, the more I was dreading coming back. Been arguing with Barry, money, car issues, just everything, you know?

The night before, I was dreaming of my job, nothing spectacular, just different scenarios, Reiki, Yoga, SoulCollage, etc. But the thing that stood out was that at each scenario, Carol, my dear friend who just passed, was there. I would be stewing about something trivial and then look over in the dream and she was just sitting there, smiling. Saying it was ok. I woke up thinking that was really nice, to at least be able to see her in my dreams.

But I sorta forgot about it in my dread and doom and gloom of having to go home. I was sitting on the deck, staring at the water, just feeling real sorry for myself when out of nowhere a bluebird flew right into my face! It completely took my breath away! I've only ever seen a bluebird once before, about 30 years ago, briefly, when driving through Virginia with Barry. I was stunned and excited, then it hit me: right before Carol passed, she gave me an unusual birthday gift. A beautiful, little bluebird statue! At the time, I thought it was odd but I really liked it and put it on a shelf in my spirit room. As I sat there realizing the connection, I realized what it meant... she was telling me to choose happiness. Just like she always had. Find my joy. Do it.

Carol was an amazing woman, she never backed down from a challenge, she just kept trudging on, searching for happiness. I feel like that was a total affirmation that she is still with me, guiding me and helping me keep perspective. I don't know what the future holds in so many aspects of my life right now but I do know that I will be on the lookout for bluebirds!

Blue Bird People are learning to embrace the beauty, Love and happiness that lives within themselves. Bluebirds are considered a sign of spring and a symbol of happiness and Love.

Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 13:34:00 +0000

After all the twists and turns of the last month.. 6 months... year?... I have decided it's time for a break. Fortunately, we have friends with just the place to do that. We've been coming to a modest trailer right on the water for at least 20 years, it belongs to my best friend's family, has switched hands and lots a few times and has now even switched houses. It has landed in the best spot in the subdivision, with the best unobstructed view and it's an actual house now, beautiful! New furniture, new things to look at, but enough of the old touches to keep the kitschy charm.

Rhia and I are here for a week, Barry will join us mid-week. It seems like a long, delicious stretch of time... until I think about all that awaits me when I have to leave. I feel a sense of panic at the thought, strong enough to make me start actually noticing how much the hated townhouses across the bay cost. I bet people up here would love low cost Yoga-- Reiki Healing--SoulCollage. Or maybe I just will pack it up, let it go and apply for a job at 7/11. Or maybe I will just leave this area all together and go south to my family's roots. Edenton, NC looks mighty good right now. What to do?

Feels like I've been fighting for years, ready to lay down my arms and just give in. Give in to the status quo, give in to the mindlessness, give up on trying to make the world better. Join the fray of let's be miserable and find people to blame it on. Make money be the most important thing in life, instead of people... and Spirit. Check the box on Sunday so I can do whatever I want with the rest of the days, including trashing the box. I'm just so tired. Music, worship, theater, yoga, it's all been one big character assassination, and usually by a bunch of characters that haven't a clue about mine. Don't want to have a pity party in this beautiful spot so I'm just meditating, watching the water flow, waiting for the answers to come and being patient when they don't. I've learned enough through all my years of study to know that you can't force wisdom, it comes when we are quiet, when we stop asking, when we just listen.

In meditation, I often tell people to drop their questions into water, wait for the ripples to subside and sometimes the answers are in the stillness. I hope I have enough time to wait, feel like I am at a major crossroads with a slight sense of urgency... as if time is running out. How do I start over at 50? What does God want? What do I want? The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that I am meant to be a Reiki Master, a Yoga Teacher, a helper of lost spirits... only, if that's the case, why has it been so hard? Maybe I'm not absolutely sure of anything...

Toss it into the water... wait for the ripples to fade and listen for the still, small voice.... it's gotta be in there somewhere.

Future of Imagine.

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 18:01:00 +0000

It is with great shock and sadness that I report that Imagine Yoga & Wellness Center has been asked to vacate the premises of the community building at Christian Community Presbyterian Church.

The session for the church has decided that it has become too complicated to navigate the twists and turns of our occupancy. They would need to hire a tax accountant that will work with the Attorney General's recommendation that the 2 rooms we are occupying be taxed accordingly, as we are a for profit, not a non profit. Although Imagine is willing to cover the costs of the taxes and said accountant, the session still voted to ask us to leave, which we will do as soon as possible. Although we are not privy to the private meetings of the session, we understand that there has been great controversy over people's opinions about whether a for profit should be allowed to operate out of a non profit building. Although Ann & I donate many hours of our time and resources to CCPC, we were advised by our accountant & lawyer to form an LLC and not become a non profit even though we fit many of the requirements. We decided to strike a balance between fee paid and free offerings to permit us to continue to use our gifts wisely in the future.

The church is allowing us a grace period to figure out what we will do with all the many friends and students who look forward to our classes and services. Ann & I have agreed that we will not let you down; we will do everything in our power to find a space to hold classes and appointments, shares and workshops. We are willing to rent by the hour or by the month, if possible. If anyone knows of shared office space, or reasonable hourly rent at a school or church, we would be very appreciative for any help or information you can give. We will definitely hold all scheduled classes until we get re-settled elsewhere.

We are committed to retaining our mission of providing low cost, welcoming spiritual wellness to all, regardless of religious affiliation, and are deeply saddened by CCPC's decision. We are very grateful for those of you that supported our mission and did so much to try to bring different forms of worship to our church.

Namaste', Linda

Curling up for a long summers nap

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 18:27:00 +0000

I'm done.

What a stretch of craziness, exhaustion and down right HUH???? the last few months have been. Feel as if the Universe is pounding me on the head, "Can you hear me now? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" Ugh. I don't get it, I hear it.... but I'm not sure what it's saying.

I thought I did that menopause thing pretty well. I'm all... "oooh, see I'm a yogi... menopause jumped on me and I flicked it right off!" But dang... is the reason I am just. so. done. cause of the menopause? Or cause of the lunatics in my mind? Or the lunatics in my life?

Need a break. And fortunately, I'm just about to get one. And unfortunately, maybe an even longer one.

Cryptic? Hells yes. You wouldn't believe it all if I told you anyway.

The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head....

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 23:12:00 +0000

It's been a tough couple of weeks.

I still can't believe she's gone. She would have been thrilled with today, with the Reiki Share. With this weekend and my Crystals class. I stretched myself amazingly beyond any comfort zone and came out blessed. I can see her now, smiling and nodding her head, refraining from saying "I told you so" but knowing that I know she told me so.

I feel so grateful that she remains in my head. And in my heart, not a surprise.

So much has changed, it feels. I must carry on but I know she gave me the tools to do so. In this last couple of weeks I have let people see me cry. I have said what I needed to say. I have given myself permission to be afraid and to do what needed to be done in spite of it.

Carol would be proud.

The knowledge that you are loved.

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:03:00 +0000

I first met Carol many years ago when her mother was in hospice. A friend had told her about yoga in the Sanctuary and she quietly came in one night. She had been caring for both of her parents, in fact, had remodeled her home to accommodate them. They both passed within months of each other, Carol by their side. She had many health issues of her own, cancer, open heart surgery and a rare disease called Myasthenia gravis, MG for short, that created muscle weakness and fatigue. Most people would have never dreamed Carol was sick, even I had trouble remembering, she was so strong.

She started coming to yoga regularly, once then twice, then whenever yoga was, Carol was there. One night, Divine Spirit whispered in my ear and spoke through me saying, "May you be blessed with the knowledge of how much you are loved." Carol looked right at me and I could see she was very touched. I went and sat down by her and she shared her story. From that moment on, we were spiritually bonded, that phrase repeating through our lives, sharing our destinies, helping each other cope. I am who I am because of Carol.

When Carol started coming to yoga, there was no Yolinna Spirit or Imagine. Yoga was free, I was insecure about charging for anything... or I guess I could have just stopped at I was insecure. I wasn't Reiki. Or SoulCollage. I was just a person feeling like I had something that I needed to share. Carol recognized that something and helped me figure out what it was. And more importantly, what to do with it. She guided me every step of the way, encouraging me, advising me, and even doing a lot of it for me. Whenever there was an event, people were used to seeing Carol there.

Carol LOVED SoulCollage. She volunteered to be our official SoulCollage helper. She was a retired psychologist, having worked for many years with addicted moms, multiple personalities, you name it, she did it. Some of the stories she shared with me over many, many lunches were hair raising. She never flinched, just did what was needed, that's who Carol is. She started programs for saving the children, served on many boards, including the local MG chapter, even being the Charter President... she did so many amazing, huge things that I couldn't even begin to name them. And I won't have to, many others will. But she took all these life skills and she shared them with me, coming to every SoulCollage event, working up her own "script" to get people to try it out, sharing her cards with every new person and most importantly, gently guiding reluctant psyches to "open up, take a look, it's not that scary, we are with you..."

She was so proud of her cards. They were amazing gifts for her, someone who did so much for others, they gave her the ability to counsel herself. They gave her the ability to mark her journey. She had a heart attack last year that scared the bejesus out of us all... the first thing she did when all was well was make a card about it. People would come in, she would proudly show it "this is my heart attack card!" and gently guide us through all the positivity the card showed. Once again, teaching us that all of life is precious, and that everything has a message that can be used for growth. Carol is such a wonderful teacher.

When I became a Reiki Master/Teacher, Carol decided she wanted to be Reiki too. I was thrilled to have her join our Reiki circle, had been doing Reiki on her for years and I knew she would be an amazing healer. I will never forget the delight in her voice when she worked on a child for the first time, "The energy is so LIGHT, so PURE, what a joy!" She had been slowly becoming .... slower, I guess... at that time. She had developed diabetes, she wasn't feeling as energetic, she hadn't been coming to yoga as frequently but she would still go sailing with her husband and most important to her, take care of her daughters. In fact, Carol became a Level II Healer for one reason only: to be able to send healing to her daughter who lived in Oregon. Carol is such a wonderful mother.

When Carol's daughter was getting married in Oregon, Carol went right to work, flying to Oregon, helping her daughter who was somewhat "loose" with her wedding plans :) Carol gently helped her with stuff like silverware-- lol, the comical stories she shared after still make me chuckle. I can see her face so clearly, "so, I told her that although we are all free spirits, most of us don't like to get pate' on our hands." or something to that effect. Later, much later when I had been asked to officiate my first wedding, Carol, once again guided me through, even bringing me her precious DVD copy of her daughters wedding to show how great the officiant was. I was brought to tears watching it, at one point the officiant offered the crowd a chance to share a blessing... Carol stood right up: "May you be blessed with the knowledge of how much you are loved."

Carol really wanted to be a grandmother. When her daughter got pregnant, Carol was elated. She would come into yoga, grab my hand and excitedly share the latest. When I didn't see her for a couple of days, I called and she shared the sad news that her daughter suffered a miscarriage. We went to lunch and I tried my best to comfort her, she was devastated. After some time passed, she asked me to attune her to Level II because her daughter was trying again, going through fertility treatments. "I have to make myself not fly out there and impose myself on them so I need to have something I can do to help." I have no doubt that everyday Carol sent Reiki to her family. Once again, she was elated when her daughter was pregnant and very sadly, devastated when it wasn't meant to be, flying out to be by her side and try to help her through.

This was less than a month ago. I saw Carol the day before she left and then not again until I gave her Reiki in the ICU last Weds. Never, ever in a million years did I think that would be the last time I would see her. Carol was so strong, guiding me every step of my journey, I would not be who I am today without her gentle loving care. I only wish I could have done more, but I really think God decided it was time for His precious soul to get some much needed rest.

May you be blessed, dear Carol, with the knowledge of how much you are loved and how important you are to so many people who's hearts are heavy with sadness at your passing. I will miss you, my friend.

Publish?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda) — Sun, 15 May 2011 17:14:00 +0000

So far I have 5 entries saved.

Publishing seems like a bad idea.

How bout this one?