First, this may come as a bombshell to many but I have to tell you that you’ve probably been doing something wrong all your life. Your parents probably taught you how to do this and I’m sorry to say that means your parents are probably less intelligent than a chimp! That means you are marginally less intelligent than a chimp also.

What have you been doing wrong all your life? Peeling a banana in the wrong way is what! Yes, you’re thicker than a monkey because you can’t work a banana! Morons!

So now I will impart upon you knowledge that saw me bullied as a child and stared at as an adult, how to peel a banana correctly. Well, lets say intelligently rather than correctly. You’ve been grabbing it at the stalk end, digging your thumb nail into the stem. Maybe you’ve even been cutting it with a knife or biting it, getting that yucky bitter skin tasts in your mouth, ruining your first bite of the banana.

Well no more, turn the banana around the other way and pinch either side of the little crusty spot. This splits the skin and you can now peel it. It even peels neatly in two pieces. Monkeys know this stuff, so did I and now you do too. You can now stop being as thick as your parents and sit back smuggly as onlookers stare at you when you peel a banana correctly. Welcome to my world and the ranks of humankind who are truly as clever, at least, as a monkey.

You’re welcome, I’m just a sharing kind of guy so just wanted to give my friends something. It may even come in useful as soon as tomorrow morning if you are one of those that has fruit for breakfast. Please leave a comment if you would like your banana proficiency certificate but badges to sew on your banana eating trunks are extra.

So now the question is whether to stand back and marvel at the innovative pillars or knuckle down and lay the roadway atop the clever towers hewn from technology. Instead of steel, concrete and tarmacadam I have just a few words to bridge the chasm between my thoughts and your understanding of them. I will work very hard to make it a solid sturdy bridge, and just hope what I share with you is a destination  worthy of the crossing.

I guess I’ve put it off because I can be a little wordy and far from eliquent when I get caught up in something. I haven’t quite found that line between uncomplicated and patronising and that scares me a lot. I don’t want to take up somones attention and fail to repay that with clarity or, heaven forbid, offence. Confusion is bad, right?