You are an Ace

MASTER MEANING, Create the life you desire

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Wed, 19 Oct 2016 11:25:00 +0000

By Tony Robbins,

What if every problem and pain you had was life happening for you – not to you? What if that obnoxious co-worker is really there to teach you something? What if the school traffic is actually an opportunity to talk to your kids? What if your problems were gifts? How would that change things for you? We all ascribe meaning to the events in our lives, even the little things. We create definitions, and the definitions you choose can instantly transform the way you look at your entire life. If you master meaning, you master life.

So – here’s the question: Is the meaning you are giving to your life limiting you or empowering you? Right now, you can choose new, more empowering meanings for your life and create a new world for yourself and those you care about.

Watch what Tony has to say about embracing life:

SOURCE

A Balanced Life

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Wed, 19 Oct 2016 11:19:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor

In his publication Better Families, Dr. J. Allan Petersen quotes C. Peter McColough of Xerox who says, "I look for breadth of interest. Individuals with broad interests are best able to perform within a company today. We face many societal changes, and a broad outlook and encompassing overview are more pertinent than the traditional circumscribed career preparation. Perhaps one of the most important qualities a man or woman can possess is balance. That simply means that one doesn't go off the deep end. You balance your life with wives, husbands, children, recreational activities, hobbies, physical programs and community involvement. To get off in one area or another, I think, is a mistake and will lead to trouble."

Research is conclusive that the more broad, general knowledge an individual has, the more balanced he or she will be in life. Interestingly enough, it also conclusively proves that those people with a broad range of knowledge are the most creative in the solution of problems, not only in the corporate world, but in their personal and family lives as well. When our analytical left brain is supplied with a broad range of information, when we encounter problems which we've never encountered before, or when we meet unique opportunities, the broader that range of knowledge, the more creative we are in the solution to the problem itself or on the capitalizing of any new opportunity that presents itself.

Now, combine this broad range of knowledge with an ever-growing increase in knowledge, and exciting things really happen. The new input of knowledge into the mind stirs up all of the old input and when new information meets old information, they get together and create new concepts and ideas. The message is clear: Broaden your range of interests; live a balanced life; continue to grow in information and knowledge and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP in all areas of your life.

SOURCE

NEVER-ENDING CONTRIBUTION, How to give even in times of scarcity

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 11:34:00 +0000

By Tony Robins

When you think of your life, do you think about what’s missing? Or do you think about what you have?

If you always think about what you don’t have, you will tend to hold on to everything that you do have, because you feel that you have so little and thus not much to give. But listen to Tony as he explains how giving in times of extreme discomfort, when you feel “lack” and not abundance, can be the most valuable.

The Secret Weapon!

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 11:15:00 +0000

By Howard Partridge

Once you have identified past referral sources, you now have a profile of potential referral sources. You have a reward system in place. Now it’s time to make a visit to their office or store. There is one secret strategy that will do more for your referral relationship program than anything else.

What is this powerful secret? Food. Yes, food. In particular, donuts, chocolates, pizza, lunch, candy, snacks, etc. Food is the international language that everyone understands! Food is the one thing that can gain the attention that you cannot get any other way. The reason is that feeding someone taps deep into the Law of Reciprocity, which says, “If you give me something, I give you something.” With food it goes deeper. It penetrates our most primitive make up. If you feed me, I owe you the time of day. If you give me a treat, I owe you at least a couple minutes of time!

Remember the Five Point Marketing Message from an earlier article? What a great time to share it—while they are partaking of the delicious brownies or candy you just brought! If you walk in with sales materials, what’s their posture? Busy! Too busy to talk. But if you walk in the door with a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, they will listen to every word you have to say! It’s amazing, and I have seen it work over and over again.

I first learned this from my wife, Denise. She’s in radio sales, and I noticed that she would take her clients milk and cookies and, in the afternoon, bring them lunch. She even had a company that made custom chocolate bars and she had the client’s logo branded on the chocolate bar.

Just about every night she’s wrapping gifts for clients and people in her network. All of the closets in our house are jammed with gifts that don’t belong to anyone yet. She buys things as she sees them, then when there’s a need, the wrapping begins! I finally “got it” one hot summer morning when she was walking out the door to go to work with a laundry basket full of things for the pool—squirt guns, goggles, and flip flops. “Where ya' goin’ with that stuff?” I asked. “Oh, a lot of my clients have kids, so I’m bringing them stuff for the pool.” Hmmm…, I thought to myself.

I decided to try it out.

There was a large potential referral source that I had called on 11 times (yes, eleven times). I had nice brochures and a nice introduction, but I didn’t have the secret weapon. Every time I went into this place, I got the same response—a stiff arm came up along with, “We’re real happy with the people we’re using right now. Thanks for coming by.” But this time I went to the grocery store and bought a little box of chocolates for $2.99.

I walked in and a lady down the hall noticed me come in. I introduced myself and she responded with the same stiff arm answer. She obviously didn’t see the chocolates, so I said, “But I brought chocolates,” with a little smile on my face. You should have seen her body language change! It went from the Nazi stiff arm to standing in front of me holding the box of chocolates almost close to her heart. I could almost hear her thinking, Who is this nice man bringing me chocolates! Within seven days we began getting referrals from that company. And they became a consistent referral source for us from that point on. One of my early members increased his business $30,000 per month by making Friday “Donut Day.” He and his wife loaded up the truck with branded boxes of donuts every week and set out to see as many referral sources and accounts as they could. I ran into him at a conference recently, and he told me it continued to work so well that he now has other people delivering donuts on a regular basis. That is the case with us as well.

A final food story that is instructive is about an auto repair shop called Freedom Automotive. My service company has a nice clean fleet of vehicles parked outside. Freedom Automotive obviously noticed the fleet, and one morning a box of donuts and a little card from Freedom Automotive showed up at our office. The next week, another box of donuts. After about the fourth or fifth week, I saw my operations director walking down the hall with a fistful of donuts and Freedom’s card. He said, “We should at least give them a try.” (I mean after all, they might stop sending us donuts if we don’t, right?)

So we called Freedom, and they came to the office and gave us a presentation. They charged more than the shop we currently used. “Yeah, but the shop we use doesn’t even say thank you. They don’t care about us,” we argued to ourselves. In Freedom’s presentation, they showed us how following their maintenance plan would actually save us money. Who do you think we use? Freedom Automotive. This took place about 20 years ago, and we still use them today. I know what you’re wondering, Do they still have donuts delivered? Yes, they still have donuts delivered.

Find out what your major accounts and your referral sources like and take it to them. If they like Dove bars, take Dove bars to them. If they like Starbucks chocolate-covered Espresso beans, bring those along with you when you visit.

We have all of our existing and potential referral sources on a route. Every month we deliver cookies, pies, cakes, or whatever. We have a number of other “food strategies” too. For example, we cook breakfast for referral sources, hold referral appreciation lunches, and more.

What if your referral sources aren’t local? You can ship stuff. There are a variety of gourmet food baskets you can order online. Recently a man who owns a franchise called Candy Bouquet International became a client of ours—they make custom candy bouquets. I use a program called Send Out Cards . With Send Out Cards, you can send along cookies, brownies, and many other gourmet food items.

Try this secret weapon and see if it works for you. I know it will.

SOURCE

LIFE’S GUIDING FORCE, The Power of Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 11:21:00 +0000

By Tony Robbins

Some call it luck, some call it God, some call it grace. Call it what you want, there is a guiding force that shows up in all of our lives. And the more you acknowledge it, the more it appears.

To understand the power of grace, you must understand that life is not about me; it’s about we. Anytime you do something that is greater than yourself, you get a different level of insight. Your experience is enhanced. Life is really about creating meaning – and meaning doesn’t come from what you get; it comes from what you give.

Ultimately, to be happy you need to figure out what you believe and then live it.

Here’s what Tony has to say:

SOURCE

Balance is the Key

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 11:00:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor

A past issue of Psychology Today detailed a study of 1,139 CEOs of the Fortune 2,000 companies. Their average income was $356,000, which is not surprising. However, one thing that will surprise many people is to learn that these high achievers' number one priority was their family and their number one asset was their integrity. In addition, over 90% of them exercised regularly, did not smoke, and most of them could give their cholesterol level. In other words, they lived quite a well-balanced life.

This to a large degree destroys the old myth about the top executives, doesn't it? How they are so devoted to their jobs that they neglect their health, their families and anything that has anything to do with not making money or doing their job. In short, these men are successful in their personal, family and business lives. They take care of their health and their priorities are well-placed. Countless other studies substantiate the fact that a balanced life is significantly important, not only for our health but for success in our chosen careers and with our families.

Obviously, there are numerous other factors involved. Research conclusively proves that people who have reached the top are people of integrity. They also are intelligent and, in most cases, well-educated. In addition, their ambition, their profession and their position require that they be good students who stay abreast with current events. Most of them love and even have a passion for what they do. In other words, it takes a balance of skill, talent, good qualities and hard work to win in every area of life. This enables them to acquire many of the things money will buy and even more of the things money won't buy. Think about it. Bring your life in balance, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

SOURCE

TIE IT ALL TOGETHER, The Pyramd of Mastery

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 11:07:00 +0000

By Tony Robbins

Let’s take a look at how far you’ve come. We’ve been focusing on the most important areas of your life to have an extraordinary quality of life. To recap, these areas are: Physical Body, Emotions and Meaning, Relationships, Time, Career, Finances and Contribution and Spirituality. Each of these areas requires focus – neglecting any one of them can cause massive pain in your life. To create a life of true fulfillment, you must master all seven areas.

While some areas may be stronger than others, it is important that you continue improve each of them. In doing so, you will create more balance in your life. This balance will allow you to create more momentum and power. Continual progress is the way you get bigger and better results while feeling more fulfilled.

To live an extraordinary life, you must know where you are and where you want to be – and the Pyramid of Mastery is your map for closing the gap and creating the life you deserve.

SOURCE

Necessity – The Mother of Invention

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 11:05:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor

From childhood ice cream has been my favorite dessert. Coming from a large family and raised during the Depression, we had an occasional "churn" of ice cream on Sunday afternoon. We didn't get much at a serving, so that made it particularly enjoyable. Over the years my passion for ice cream did nothing but grow and at one time I could quickly rattle off the four best ice creams available in America and, interestingly enough, the best flavors came from four different companies. To this day I find it difficult to pass the ice cream store without a quick stop for at least a single, if not a double-dip. Unfortunately, my body retains ice cream, so I seriously limit my intake today.

This leads me to a fascinating little story on ice cream and the ice cream sundae. A merchant from Wisconsin named Smithson, out of necessity, invented the ice cream sundae in 1890. They did not deliver on Sunday in those days, so to avoid running short he reduced the amount of ice cream with each order and added chocolate syrup or some special fruit topping to the mixture. The mixture was so well-received that he was asked by his customers to serve it on the other days of the week as well. He wanted to meet his customers' needs and desires, but some people objected to the use of the word "Sunday" because it was the Lord's Day. They felt that to call an ice cream dish after the Lord's Day was profane. That's when he modified the spelling to "sundae." Today the ice cream sundae is still a favorite among millions of people.

Just think - we never would have had the sundae had there not been a shortage of ice cream. The next time you run short of something, think of how you can stretch it out. Who knows? Maybe it will be a bonanza like the sundae. Give it a try, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

SOURCE

FEEL GOOD NOW, Progress equals happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sat, 15 Oct 2016 11:28:00 +0000

BY Tony Robbins

If you want to have ongoing joy and fulfillment in your life, the secret is just one word – progress. Progress equals happiness. While achievements and material things may excite you for the moment, the only thing that’s going to make you happy long-term is knowing that you’re making progress.

To do this, you have to remember: While change is automatic – progress is not. Progress results from actively and consciously choosing to create a life you love; a life where you can’t wait to jump out of bed in the morning because you are growing, contributing, impacting and serving.

How do you start creating a life like that? By first learning that you don’t need an excuse to feel good – you can feel good for no reason.

Watch what Tony has to say and then tell us what you do to make yourself feel good.

SOURCE

A Timeless Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sat, 15 Oct 2016 10:55:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor,

While going through my files I came across a blurb from Catholic Digest written by Mary Kinsolving which is as relevant today as it was many years ago when it was written. Ms. Kinsolving tells a story of living in Manhattan where, as a child, her mother walked her to school four blocks away every morning and then walked home with her again in the afternoon. One hard winter her mother came down with pneumonia and Mary had to go to school and return home by herself. She states that on the way home the second day she fell on some ice while crossing the street and at that moment a car skidded towards her and came within inches of her before it stopped. "The driver helped me up," she said, "and I managed to get home but didn't tell my mother because I didn't want her to worry."

The next morning the streets were even icier and when she came to her first cross street she was terrified and stated that she stood at the intersection for a long time. Finally, an elderly woman came over to her and said, "I don't see very well. May I hold your hand when I cross the street?" She replied, "Oh, yes," and the elderly lady took her hand and "before long we were on the other side." Then Mary Kinsolving walked a short distance and looked back to see how the woman was doing. To her surprise, "She was crossing the street we had just crossed together and was walking by herself much faster than we had before." Ms. Kinsolving then realized that the lady had pretended poor eyesight only to help her cross the street. Much later in life she understood that she could overcome her own fears by helping someone else.

What marvelous advice from years gone past! Take that approach to life and I will SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Good Decisions Start With a Stop

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Fri, 14 Oct 2016 12:07:00 +0000

By Michael Josephson

More often than we like, most of us face choices that can have serious and lasting impact on our lives. Do we go along with the crowd? Do we tell someone off, quit a job, or end a relationship? Unfortunately, these decisions are not preceded by a drum roll warning us that the stakes are high. Even worse, we often don’t have a lot of time to figure out what to do.

It’s no surprise that most bad decisions — the ones that mess up our lives — are made impulsively or without sufficient reflection.

Ancient proverbs tell us to “count to ten when you’re angry” or “think ahead.” But anger and lack of preplanning are only two factors that can impede excellent decision making. Fatigue, fear, frustration, stress, impatience, and emotions also create obstacles to wise choices.

Just as we learned to look both ways before we cross the street, we can learn to analyze every important decision-making situation to allow us to arrive at conclusions that are both effective and ethical.

Each decision, therefore, should start with a stop – a forced moment of reflection to help us clarify our goal, evaluate the completeness and credibility of our information, and devise an alternate strategy, if necessary, to achieve the best possible result. Stopping also allows us to muster our moral willpower to overcome temptations and emotions that could lead to a rash, foolish, or ill-considered decision.

While it’s great to have a day or two to sleep on a problem, or even a few hours, many situations don’t afford us that luxury. But a pause of even a few seconds can often be enough.

Remember, character counts.

SOURCE

Careful What You Leave

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Fri, 14 Oct 2016 10:44:00 +0000

By Zig Ziglar

“The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration but its donation.” Corrie Ten Boom

I love the story told by Glen Van Ekeren in his book, The Speaker's Source Book. It was a hot, humid day in the middle of Kansas City. The eight-hour shift seemed especially long for the veteran bus driver. Suddenly, a young woman, apparently upset about something, let loose with a string of unforgettable, not to mention unrepeatable, words. The bus driver, looking in his overhead mirror, could sense everyone around her was embarrassed by the string of profanity. Still mumbling, the angry passenger began to disembark a few blocks later. As she stepped down, the bus driver calmly said, "Madam, I believe you're leaving something behind." She quickly turned and snapped, "Oh? And what is that?" "A very bad impression," the bus driver responded.

It has been generally recognized as truth that our first impression of a person is one we will hold for the longest time, and the last impression we have of that person is held almost as long. It has been said that we generally make up our mind within a matter of seconds of meeting a person as to whether or not we're going to like them or even trust them. Those few seconds are important and will affect our decisions regarding that person for a long time.

One of the best ways to make a good first impression is with a smile and a pleasant demeanor. Yes, the first and last impressions are important, but over the long haul it's trust and character that determine the length and extent of most relationships. Think about it. Make good first impressions - make good last impressions, and in between be the right kind of person. You'll collect an awful lot of friends and admirers. Take that approach and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Source

Taking Charge of the Balloon

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Thu, 13 Oct 2016 12:03:00 +0000

By Michael Josephson

A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, lowered it to shout to a fellow on the ground, “The wind’s blown me off course. Can you tell me where I am?”

The man replied, “Sure. You’re hovering about 60 feet over this wheat field.”

“You must be an engineer,” the balloonist yelled.

“I am. How did you know?” the man replied.

“Well, everything you told me is technically correct but of absolutely no use.”

The engineer retorted, “You’re an executive, right?”

“How did you know?” the balloonist responded.

“Well, you were drifting in no particular direction before you asked my help and you’re still lost, but now it’s my fault.”

The balloon is a good metaphor for our lives. At first, all we want to do is rise as high as we can in terms of money, position and prestige. Yet as we rise wind currents push us sideways. Eventually, many of us discover that we’re on a very different course than we intended, a long way from the spot we took off from or hoped to end up at. So we blame the wind or anything else.

What we have to realize is that our power of choice is a steering mechanism that lets us respond to each breeze and gust. We can drift with or go against the current. Like haphazard wind currents, unplanned events beyond our control affect the direction of our lives. But, in the end, what we do and become is determined by our choices. The key is to be attentive, to look around to be sure we are going where we want to go.

Remember, character counts.

SOURCE

Chatter of the Masses

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Thu, 13 Oct 2016 10:40:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor

Reader’s Digest is a great publication. It always has a number of articles that are mentally stimulating. The following lines were picked up from a Reader’s Digest a number of years ago.

Small minds talk about people.
Average minds talk about events.
Great minds talk about ideas.

I have come to believe this is fairly accurate. I suppose we all fall into the first two categories; talking about people and events periodically. However, have you ever noticed that those two categories dominate the conversation of most people? Listen carefully and you will hear a buzz of meaningless noise going on around you almost constantly.

It would almost appear as if people were under some obligation to talk whether they had anything to say or not. I refer to this as the chatter of the masses.

If you are not mentally on guard without noticing it happen, you will be swept into this useless waste of time and energy.

If you don’t consciously and deliberately create order in your mind, your environment or the people surrounding you will dictate your mental state of being.

Observe those who are surrounding you on any given occasion. Their conversation and actions could very easily change completely four or five times in less than a minute.

If you think I am exaggerating, check this out for yourself or possibly get involved with a few people in conversation and deliberately change the topic as often as possible over four or five times a minute. If you don’t tell them what you are doing, they will never notice but they will willingly follow.

What does this mean? Well, your mind is the greatest power in the universe. If you’re not diligent you will waste it and go nowhere. Consciously choose to associate with those great souls who discuss BIG Ideas. Your life will never be the same.

Bob Proctor

SOURCE

THE SECRET TO LIVING IS GIVING, Be a part of something that is bigger than yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 11:17:00 +0000

To truly feed your spirit, remember this: The secret to living is giving. No matter how busy or broke you may be, you have something to offer others. So many people miss the opportunity to know that their life makes a difference – but it does. Your life matters – and if you align yourself to be congruent with the truth that you’re here not just to “get” but to give, then other people will feel your authenticity and they will open up to you.

When you give back to other people and your community, it reminds you what you’re made for. Focusing on the needs of others has a way of motivating you to do more than you thought possible. You feel the benefits immediately. You become more productive. You find creative solutions to problems. You find strength when you’re exhausted. That’s because life supports that which improves the quality of life. When we contribute to our community, we become part of something that is bigger than ourselves.

SOURCE

The Greats Didn’t Start That Way

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 10:50:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor

Basketball fans and in fact most people know the story, that Michael Jordan, considered by many to be the greatest basketball player who ever lived, was cut from the squad when he was a sophomore in high school. Fortunately, he didn't quit playing and the results speak for themselves.

Football fans who have followed the NFL for many years consider Joe Namath to be one of the finest athletes, and certainly one of the smartest, most confident quarterbacks with a great arm, who ever played the game. As a sophomore in high school he weighed 135 pounds and was five feet seven. He came from an athletic family, had athletic abilities and his older brothers were helpful, but he was the fourth-string quarterback on the JV squad. After the second game he approached Bill Ross, the athletic director and head coach at Beaver Falls High School, saying he was thinking about quitting the game "because I'm too small to ever be a quarterback."

Bill Ross smiled and agreed that Joe was too small then and that he wouldn't play much as a sophomore, but "I knew he was a good athlete and that he would grow. I told Joe that it was the wrong time to quit, that he hadn't proved himself one way or the other so I said 'Go home and think about it overnight before you make your final decision.' The next afternoon he was back at practice. Before the end of the season the JV squad played Elwood City in an away game, Namath was phenomenal and the football legand was on his way." Message: Don't quit. Stay with it and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

SOURCE

5 Paradigms You Didn’t Even Know You Had

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 11:50:00 +0000

By Bob Proctor,

I have a paradigm.

So do you.

To continue to grow, though, we must lead ourselves outside of our paradigms.

The following are five common, but often subtle, paradigms that affect the outcome of our lives. Take a look to see which ones might be shaping your life.

1. Paradigm: Everything is fine.

Life isn’t a struggle, but it’s not anything to write home about either. You’ve accepted that this is the best you’re going to get in life. Maybe because you’ve settled or you feel you don’t deserve more.

Or perhaps you just haven’t invested the time to think about what you truly want. Without a goal to pull you forward, you’ve resigned yourself to the status quo.

This paradigm is pervasive; however, it is subtly different for everyone. So don’t automatically push it aside if, at first blush, you don’t think it applies to you. Sit with it for a while to see if anything comes up.

Breakthrough Perspective: I am happy, but not satisfied.

Just like a seed in the ground wants more sunlight, nutrients and water, we all have a natural desire to grow and evolve.

The law of our being is to know more, to do more and to be more. Each time we achieve something, another desire for even greater good develops naturally—if we allow it to.

As you’ll see in just a minute, adopting a new perspective is about telling your truth. In this case, it’s acknowledging that you’re actually not satisfied with “good enough.” You want an extraordinary life; you want more for yourself and the world.

2. Paradigm: I’ve reached my income limit.

You reached a particular financial position and no matter how hard you work or what you do, your income pretty much stays the same. You feel stuck and can’t figure out how to get over this financial hurdle.

Breakthrough Perspective: I am excited about my financial future.

You can earn more money than you’ve ever dreamed of. However, you can’t do it by talking about, thinking, or feeling there’s a ceiling on your income.

Dwelling on your stagnated income only brings more stagnation. The Universe responds to what you believe.

Increased income can come only from right and positive thinking, and well-conceived and properly executed plans.

Start by getting a sheet of paper and writing down all the negative beliefs you have about money and your ability to earn more of it. Then, let those beliefs go by shredding or burning the paper.

Re-direct your mind to develop a prosperity consciousness, and the money you desire will be yours.

3. Paradigm: My best days are behind me.

Many people, particularly in their 40s and beyond, feel like they’ve already accomplished what they can, and there is not enough time left for them to start a new career, relationship, improve their health, or accumulate money.

This belief system will hit home for you if, on some level, you have given up on your goals. You may have a “why bother” kind of attitude.

Breakthrough Perspective: My best years are yet to come.

In The 100-Year Lifestyle, Dr. Eric Plasker says that your body has the hardware to live 100 years and beyond.

If you knew you’d live to 100, how would you change your life? Would you still feel you’ve already accomplished everything you can?

Our life span is increasing all the time. Expect to be prosperous, happy and healthy for 100 years and beyond. Adopting this new perspective does nothing but good for your life today and in the years to come.

I’m nearly 82 years old, and I have huge goals and more energy than many 30-year-olds. And I don’t plan to slow down anytime soon.

So if you feel like your best days are behind you, stop wasting your life and get back in the game. Get ready for your next big thing!

4. Paradigm: I am unlovable.

You feel lonely and believe you’ll never find a loving partner. You might think that if you had someone who loved you, your life would be a lot better.

Or maybe you’re very outgoing and have a great sense of humor, but inside you’re sad and lonely because you secretly feel you’re unlovable. You might go in and out of relationships because you often settle for the first person who shows interest.

Perhaps you believe you’re unlovable because you are overweight, and the number on the scale determines your value as a human being. You might think nobody wants to be burdened with someone your size.

Breakthrough Perspective: I love myself, and that love comes back to me multiplied.

You have the freedom to feel any way you want about yourself. So why would you want to belittle yourself?

If you feel unlovable in any way, create a new image of yourself and become emotionally involved with that image by, as often as possible, thinking and FEELING what it be like to be that person.

Your subconscious mind can’t distinguish between what’s real and imaginary, so get very clear about the image you want of yourself.

As you go through your day focus only on what you want (love, happiness, health). Also, develop a new way of speaking to yourself and others. Otherwise, you will sabotage yourself with negative self-image dialogue.

5. Paradigm: I need the world’s approval.

Whenever you want to do something new, you look outside of yourself for validation.

You seek approval, appreciation, acknowledgement and guidance from your employer, co-workers, friends, clients or parents. Or you look at conditions and circumstances to prove that you’re on the right path.

This paradigm is often hard to see because most of us naturally sell our abilities short. Take an honest look at your life to see if you need outside approval before going for goals or taking on new things.

Breakthrough Perspective: Spirit guides me at all times.

Religious texts tell us that we were created in God’s image, and we are “a little lower than the angels.”

So if you think your desires aren’t important, or you have an image in your mind of yourself as doomed to fail, that’s a false idea that you must let it go.

When you have a strong desire to do, create, or express something, that longing is divine discontent. It’s Spirit calling you. And if you answer the call, you will be guided and assured of success.

No matter how many of these paradigms you can relate to, you can shift to a new way of thinking.

What happens when you change your perspective

What do you see when you look at the illustration below?

At first, you might see a young lady. However, if you shift your perspective, you’ll see an old woman.

Whatever you perceive to be true about the illustration (i.e., it’s a young lady or an old woman) affects how you think, feel and respond to it.

That’s the power of accepting a new perspective of your paradigm.

Now I would love to hear from you.

SOURCE

THE POWER OF CHUNKING. Making more time for what really matters to you

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 10:35:00 +0000

By Tony Robbins

How much free time do you have these days? Did that question just make you laugh out loud?

These days, we are pulled in so many directions and we have so many demands placed on our personal and professional lives that the idea of free time usually stays just that — an idea. But what if there was a way to bring a higher level of efficiency to our lives? What if you were able to focus on achieving your goals instead of checking on a seemingly endless list of to-do’s? How could this change the quality of your life?

That’s what RPM planning is all about.RPM is a system of thinking, not a time management system. And it works by focusing you on the key results that are most important in your life, so that you can maximize the results of your life and maximize your sense of fulfillment and joy.

One of the core components of RPM is what we call chunking.

WHAT IS CHUNKING?

Chunking is the grouping together of information into ideally sized pieces, so they can be used effectively to produce the outcome you want without stress or shutdown.

You see, a major source of stress in our lives comes from the feeling that we have an impossible number of things to do.

We’ll often take an objective and pull it apart into a million pieces or tie it all together into one abstract whole. For example, if you take on a project and try to do the whole thing all at once, you’re going to be overwhelmed. And similarly, if you take a task and break it into too many small steps, it’s equally overwhelming, daunting and frustrating.

Most people can only focus on a limited number of things at one time. When most people are learning, they tend to remember things that are grouped into three’s. And anything above three things becomes too much for us to remember. In other words, most people tend to get overwhelmed after three difference pieces — or chunks — of information.

When people don’t reach their goals, it’s often not because of ability. It’s because of the way they’re focusing on the number of items, or rather, the way they are chunking things. By taking all that is coming at you and putting it into ideal-sized groups your mind can handle, you are positioning yourself to accomplish your goals.

START BY CAPTURING

To begin the chunking process, you must get the ideas out of your head and onto paper (or into your computer or mobile device). We call this processcapturing.

Keeping everything locked up in your mind is just another way to add stress to your life. You need to adopt a routine where you always put down the things you want or need to accomplish. Remember, human beings are able to focus on a limited number of things or tasks at once. Usually anywhere from five to nine items can be handled at a time.

Document the ideas, meetings, communications and required results. Capture the things that are a must for you to accomplish, whether they are the things you really want or situations that demand your attention. Write down everything you have to do this week. Consider this a dumping ground for your thoughts.

LOOK FOR COMMONALITIES

Now that you’ve captured the things that are a must for you to accomplish within a week, begin looking for commonalities. What items relate to finances, or relationships, or career, etc.?

Chunk those items on your capture list that correspond to the most common areas of life mastery: health, meaning & emotions, relationships, time, work/career/mission, finances, and spirituality.

For example, you might have a problem with a romantic partner. Or perhaps you neglected to get in touch with a friend you’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you have an upcoming family function to get ready for, among a litany of other things “to do.” These items could fall under the general area of “Relationships.”

THE ULTIMATE OUTCOME

Now that you’ve chunked these items together, it is easier to see what the result you desire is. In the example we gave above, the clear result is to improve your connection with others.

When you start thinking of your to-do’s as clusters of desired outcomes, you’ll keep stress at bay and learn to focus on your greater goals, rather than getting overwhelmed of the minute details. Why? Because you will start to feel inspired, rather than forced to follow through. And when you feel so inspired by a purpose, you’ll come up with a more effective action plan to get there.

There are so many things competing for and demanding your attention in life, if you don’t make a conscious effort to decide in advance which things you’re going to focus on, you’ll live in reaction to demands of the moment. Focus is the ultimate power that can change the way we think, the way we feel and what we do in any moment. When we change our focus, we change our life.

Source

Hope to start the day

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 11:25:00 +0000

By Zig Ziglar

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions?

How do I get myself motivated?

How do I keep myself motivated?

How do I get out of discouragement and despair?

How and where do I find hope?

It seems that no matter where I travel in the world, these are common questions. Everyone has faced difficult circumstances in their life. Everyone wants to know how to get up when they get knocked down.

Today I was reading The One Year Daily Insights written by Dad. I discovered a quote of his I did not remember and it gave me incredible hope.

Here it is:

“The God Who made you can make you over.” Zig Ziglar

Now, that is an overflowing bucket full of hope!

Think about the quote for a moment – to believe anything else is telling the Creator that He is not big enough to handle your problems.

If you are not happy with who you are and where you are right now in your life, that is OK. You are not done yet! You can do something right now to improve your life.

And if you are looking for hope, well, you are not on the journey of life alone. The Creator of hope wants to share.

You are Born To Win, so go ahead and Live To Win!

Tom Ziglar

P.S. Quote of the Day: “The God Who made you can make you over.” Zig Ziglar

The Importance of Meaningful Connections: How I Prepared for My World Domination Summit Keynote & Why No One Does Anything Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 10:47:00 +0000

by CHELSEA DINSMORE

Last week I stood on stage at the World Domination Summit (WDS) and delivered a 30-minute keynote speech to more than 1,000 people. (Note: we will publish the talk as soon as we get it in our hands!)

It was scary.

It was exciting.

It was overwhelming.

It was something I never dreamed I was capable of doing.

And while I stood on that stage on my own, what I delivered by no means came together solely from my own efforts.

So, today I want to share with you the process I used to face this new challenge, in the hope that you might take from it some tips, tools and mindset shifts to help you face your own new challenge. This is not “Public Speaking 101”—this process is simply a way to face anything that feels outside of your comfort zone—and why meaningful connections are absolutely key to that.

How I Prepared for My WDS Speech

I don’t really have much public speaking experience. I was senior class president in high school, so delivered a short message at graduation. I delivered remarks at Scott’s memorial service. And back in April I gave a speech on connecting to a group of students. So, I am by no means an expert.

I was asked to speak at WDS back in November. So while I had about 10 months notice, in reality my real prep came together starting in June.

My first step was to get the message I wanted to deliver together.

STEP 1: START WITH THE END IN MIND

I was given broad instructions on the topic of my talk. Basically it could be anything that fit with the theme of the event: how to live an unconventional life in a conventional world. I had been an attendee at this event two times in the past so I sort of knew the theme, the crowd and the energy I was going into.

To get some focused space, I retreated to a family beach house by myself with my journal, my computer, my lessons from my weekly planning process since September, and a ton of ideas to hone my message into something that could be delivered in 30 minutes.

I knew that I wanted to talk about why and how I have processed the loss of Scott over the last 11 months. But how could I possibly narrow that down to a few main points? There are soooo many things that I have done—but I knew I needed to relate to the audience and deliver something that left them with a take away.

So I first came up with my outcomes—an important step in determining how to pare anything down!!!

And then I spent many hours, a lot of procrastination, a few glasses of wine (and at one point an entire chocolate bar in a single sitting) coming up with my main lessons from the year. I had 25+, which I grouped into about five main lessons and then ended up choosing three to fit into the time limit. I tried to choose ones that would relate to any difficult situation and that also provided take away’s the crowd could actually implement.

STEP 2: STEP AWAY TO LET THE IDEAS BREW

I then went on a trip where I let the general ideas brew. I casually talked about it to almost anyone who would listen to help me integrate the ideas and flow (and also to get feedback).

I sought further inspiration as I was traveling since I had the general ideas on my mind already. I thought about it in my moments alone. And I did some initial writing of the talk as I traveled (because as I mentioned, my best writing seems to happens when I fly).

This was a casual approach to helping me fully embrace the overall idea of the talk.

STEP 3: SEEK OUT A VILLAGE OF HELP (AND PRACTICE A SH*T TON!)

We talk a lot at LYL about cultivating meaningful connections and this is exactly why.

The message I delivered on that stage last week was not a result of my doing. It was a result of the input of a village of people.

Just a few to be exact….

And this is why meaningful connections matter.

Because I was asked to do something that had the opportunity to make an impact. And while I could have stood up there and said something, what I said was 10 times better because of the advice, feedback, strategy, input, love, and effort of those around me.

If I hadn’t spent years cultivating actual meaningful connections (where I added value in some way shape or form to them), they likely wouldn’t have been willing to add value in return when I needed it.

Meaningful connections make giving and receiving help easy—it is a two-way street.

I scheduled dinners at friends houses and offered to cook for them (add value) in exchange for them listening to my talk and giving feedback. One, because it is really hard to practice on your own (although the family cat Nui, did hear the speech more than any other). Scheduling those dinners not only kept me accountable, but also practicing in front of your best friends and family members is far more difficult than practicing in front of a large group where there are bright lights and you can’t really see into anyone’s eyes when your story makes them cry…

As hard as it was to change what I had been trying to practice, hearing people’s feedback helped me understand how they took my message. I asked every single person what they liked best and where they got lost, or what they didn’t fully understand. It would have been easy to sit and think I knew exactly how people were going to take what I said, but I got a lot of insight as I heard what people actually heard.

To Add Value, Be Grateful

With my business connections, I had people hop on the phone with me despite their very busy weeks, meet slide deadlines with only days and give me loads of support before and the day of.

But only because I wasn’t only asking for help. In some way in the past, I had given some sort of advice, help or something else in return.

And I made sure to leave those connections with a thank you from me. Some people received gifts in the mail, others email thank yous with how their advice specifically helped me deliver what I did that day.

Honestly, adding value to someone isn’t all that hard—as everyone loves to hear how they helped you out. So paying attention to their specific advice, implementing it and letting them know the outcome is one of many ways to begin to cultivate meaningful connections with others…

No One Does Anything Alone

At the end of my speech, I received a very generous standing ovation.

But that standing ovation was not for me….

It was for all those who helped me prepare what I delivered on that day.

It was the effort of many, not just one. It was the result of connections cultivated over years. And it led to some very cool outcomes—including a girl who got a tattoo immediately after with something I said on stage!!!

And that is why, as we have mentioned before, we are super excited to release Connect With Anyone in just a few weeks. Because not only was it Scott’s proudest work, but he did not build Live Your Legend alone and I have not kept it alive alone.

So today I encourage you to think about who you have in your corner? And what connections you currently have where you give and receive value?

Because if there is anything I know, it’s that those connections are what have gotten me through this very difficult year. It’s those connections that help keep LYL what it is today. It’s those connections that gave me the strength to stand on that stage last week.

And, it’s those connections that will lead to whatever lies ahead…

To the people who make me a better version of me,

–Chelsea Dinsmore

SOURCE

Managing My Depression Is a Constant Struggle. Here's What's Helped

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 11:01:00 +0000

BY JOHN ROMANIELLO

We throw the word "depression" around a lot. That's the unfortunate truth. We use it to describe a weeklong period of sadness after a breakup or a few days of feeling bad when things aren’t going our way. I don’t mean to trivialize those experiences or emotional hardships. But being sad is not the same as being depressed—that’s only the smallest part of it.

Depression is about feeling trapped by overwhelming unhappiness, completely surrounded by an impenetrable fog of misery, and a general acceptance of the idea that it will never go away.

Winston Churchill called depression “the black dog.” His reasoning was simple: Like a hunting dog, it would always be nipping at his heels, following him. For some people, the black dog is omnipresent. For others, like myself, depression comes and goes—but even when you’re not suffering, you’re always aware of the black dog off in the distance, waiting to close in. This is an uncomfortable thought to which one must adapt: Even when you’re not depressed, you’re afraid of depression.

In My Case

When I say I’ve suffered from “debilitating” depression, I mean exactly that: I’ve had long periods of time (three months or more) when getting out of bed was the only thing I could accomplish each day. And sometimes that was a stretch.

There have been times when I would break down and cry for seemingly no reason or randomly snap and put my fist through a window before I could rein in my temper. There were months when I hid from friends and family, pretending everything was fine and that I was too “busy” to see them while sitting alone in the dark. More often than I care to admit, there were times when I needed to be working on some massive project, but instead would spend a weekend watching an entire season of some TV show I’d already seen.

That’s what depression is like for me: a general inability to perform. And with it, a feeling of shame and guilt for not being able to do so, compounded by the ever-growing anxiety of deadlines.

In many ways, being truly depressed is sort of like being immunocompromised: It weakens you emotionally and psychologically, wears you down to your bones—and suddenly, things that would not normally affect you or which you could fight off with ease overwhelm you. When I’m depressed, I’m infinitely more susceptible to things like guilt, fear, shame, and regret. I’ll dwell on mistakes I made years ago and think about all of the ways I could have done things differently. I’ll feel ashamed of myself and my actions or inaction—and actively fantasize about the ways the lives of everyone around me would be better if I were simply not there.

Small setbacks seem like incomprehensible obstacles. Tiny transgressions seem like reasons for justifiable homicide.

Small setbacks seem like incomprehensible obstacles. Tiny transgressions seem like reasons for justifiable homicide. Mustering up the energy to shower sometimes takes days. Sleep comes unbidden or not at all. Training is half-hearted at best. Food turns to ash, and everything that isn’t made of chocolate seems to be made of cardboard. Life is pretty sh*tty.

Coming Out the Other Side

Since I’m clinically depressed and not bi-polar, I don’t have cycles of depression alternated with extreme mania. I just have periods of being depressed and periods of being a relatively normal human being. Most of the time I’m fine and happy and productive. I’m typically brash, boisterous, happy-go-lucky. I’m friendly and goofy and annoyingly passionate about love and life and sex and food and literature and music.

But depression doesn’t really follow any schedule or come at predictable intervals. Things just start feeling awful, and then they feel worse. And then you sort of get used to feeling awful. And then maybe things change a bit.

There is no massive change, no celebratory event, no clear signal that the storm has passed. Things just slowly get better. Day by day you’re able to function just a little bit more.

There’s an old saying about the month of March: It comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Depression, then, is the March of your emotional calendar. And like March, it strikes suddenly and takes over absolutely everything. When it fades, it’s gradual. There is no massive change, no celebratory event, no clear signal that the storm has passed. Things just slowly get better. Day by day you’re able to function just a little bit more. And then one day you look up and realize you’re doing pretty well. Things seem less gray, and the world seems to offer reasons to keep living.

And there are reasons—thousands upon thousands of reasons. And they’re all around you. You just need to wait things out long enough for the veil to lift so you can see them. Now let’s talk about how to do that.

How I’ve Coped

Therapy and medication are viable options for treatment, as are other less clinical approaches: meditation, exercise, certain dietary changes. All of them work in their own way. While I dislike medication, I admit that antidepressants, taken in moderate doses for short periods of time (8 to 12 weeks), have seemed to get me through the hardest times.

Whether you find yourself besieged by depression and/or thoughts of suicide, or you know someone who may be in distress, I’d like to provide some other resources that have helped me.

1. Pick up the phone.

If you’re actually considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline immediately: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

2. Educate yourself.

If you’re exploring depression from an academic perspective and trying to figure out how the pieces fit together in your particular emotional landscape, I encourage you to spend some time reading the following articles:

Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide, by Tim Ferris
This amazing series on The Art of Manliness, collectively titled Leashing the Black Dog:

Part 1: My Struggle With Depression
Part 2: The History of Depression
Part 3: What Causes Depression?
Part 4: The Symptoms of Depression
Part 5: A Realistic, Encouraging, Compassionate, No-Nonsense, Research-Backed, Action-Oriented Guidebook to Managing Your Depression

3. Do nothing; be silent; be still. Breathe.

Take a moment and try to take the long view.

Perspective is important because chances are whatever fresh hell you’re experiencing is a temporary thing. Eventually you’re going to feel better—or at least, less awful. Your experience of depression, however powerful, is an exercise in exposure to the impermanence of humanity—and there is simply no real upside to facilitating death with suicide. Because once you’re dead, that’s it. Game over.

While I admit that the idea of committing suicide might occasionally reach out to the tortured artist in me, the pragmatic side of my personality rails against the thought. Because suicide is permanent—and ultimately robs the world of whatever contributions you may make in the future. What if Hemingway killed himself before The Sun Also Rises? Or The Old Man and the Sea?

While I cannot claim any Pulitzer Prize-winning manuscripts, in my own small way, I change lives. I have a file on my computer of emails filled with several hundred notes from people who have said my work has changed their lives; those are lives I would not have had the chance to change had I checked out years ago. To me, that is a reason to keep living.

4. Take control.

I’ve come to believe that suicide is an attempt to feel in control, and both depression and anxiety result (in part) from feeling out of control. So take control—of something, anything.

Take control of your body. Cut your hair. Get a tattoo. Sign up for a transformation challenge. You’d be surprised how this can help. (I am endlessly surprised by how many of my clients tell me they were suffering from depression before starting their fitness journey.)

Take control of your environment. Change something. Devote five minutes a day to imposing your will on something external. There have been some surveys that suggest that something as simple as making your bed every morning can mitigate the symptoms of depression.

Take control of your mind. Meditate. Read. Write. Examine. Discuss. Whatever seems interesting to you, dive into it and allow it to eat up some of the energy the black dog is trying to siphon from you. I have a friend who was experiencing intense feelings of anxiety and who decided to address it by taking control of his inbox. He made it a game to see how many things he could unsubscribe from or delete in a single day then tried to beat it the following day; within two weeks, he was at inbox zero—and he said that helped.

5. Do less.

A big part of feeling out of control is simply feeling overwhelmed. If you have too much sh*t to do and your ability to produce is already hampered by your emotional state, then you’re not going to get it all done. Trust me, this will push you further in depression.

If you can eliminate something, do it. Do less. Say no to as much as you can. Push off any obligations or projects that aren’t immediately urgent. Delegate things to other people, and actually allow them to help you.

6. Ask for help.

This is the hardest thing of all but also the single most important—and the most beneficial. If you’re anything like me, you feel deep shame about asking for help and more so about needing help.

I find it almost impossible to look back now and get into the mind of the person I was in those moments—but I do know that I did not allow myself to ask for help.

I’ve had three actual suicide attempts: two of which I can say in retrospect were more a cry for help (ironic, as I never told anyone about them), and one that qualifies as what mental health professionals label a sincere attempt. I find it almost impossible to look back now and get into the mind of the person I was in those moments—but I do know that I did not allow myself to ask for help.

What I’ve come to believe is that suicide is something that is contemplated for extended periods of time— yet the decision to execute is made in a single moment. Had I just reached out to someone, anyone, I would have gotten through that particular moment and been able to lean on them for support.

Ask for help. From a friend. A loved one. A stranger. The hotline. A support group.

SOURCE

What Contribution Taught Me about Connection (and Why I Refuse to Lose Faith in Humanity)

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 11:32:00 +0000

by CHELSEA DINSMORE

Have you ever had an experience that changed you? One that touched you so deeply or inspired you so fully, it caused to to act differently from that point on? Well, here’s a little story about one of those experiences for me…

I visited Africa for the first time 9 years ago. Shortly after that trip, I quit my soul-sucking Public Relations job and decided to pursue something that actually mattered to me. It wasn’t just being away from the office for a few weeks that did it. It was the lessons that lingered afterwards, the reminders that I couldn’t seem to shake.

I recently shared 8 reasons why I think exploration is the best education—but really, it’s pretty simple. It’s because:

Your experiences create your passions.

So, after that initial trip and quitting my job, I had plans to go spend some time in Africa through a fellowship program. But Scott and I then decided it was something we wanted to do together (and was what we had planned to do after summiting Kilimanjaro). I put that dream on hold for a bit to prioritize some other things in my life—a decision I am glad I made today.

But to honor that lingering spark inside of me, recently I joined a trip to Kenya where the focus was adventure and contribution:

SOURCE

How to Stop Worrying – 8 Simple Tips to Help You

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 11:00:00 +0000

by Remez Sasson

What are worries?

These are nagging thoughts about something you fear might happen. If you pay attention to these thoughts, they would grow stronger and attract similar thoughts, and in no time, the fear would grow and occupy your mind and affect your behavior and even your health.

If you allow these thoughts to fill your mind, they would grow stronger, deprive you of peace, and make you unhappy.

Worries start as thoughts, but soon negative emotions get involved.

If you do not stop the worries the moment they start, they turn into a self-perpetuating cycle of negative thoughts, negative mental images and negative emotions.

According to Wikipedia:
“Worry refers to the thoughts, images and emotions of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats. As an emotion it is experienced as anxiety or concern about a real or imagined issue.”

According to Merriam Webster:
“To think about problems or fears: to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen.”

Is it possible to stop worrying?

Yes, you can stop worrying, or at least, eliminate most of your worries.

I would like to offer you a few tips to help you stop worrying. Reading them is great, but practicing what you read is more important.

I would like to ask you a question, what about not creating worries at all, instead of creating them, and then practicing tips to stop them?

Yes, this is possible, but this requires some inner work on your part. Are you ready to invest some time and effort in this worthy goal?

When there is more inner peace, worries will find hard to get into your mind. In this situation, a mental state of no-worries will become natural, and you will not need tips to stop worrying.

A peaceful mind does not create worries. When there is inner peace, worries go away.

Okay, here are a few tips that I hope you will find useful.

How to Stop Worrying

1. It is easier to eliminate worries when they just start, than after they grow stronger. Try to be aware of the thoughts that pass through your mind and when you feel that worries are starting to build up, do one of the following:

Read an inspiring or funny book.
Read a few inspiring quotes and think about their meaning. You can find a collection of quotes in the quotes directory here.
Work out or engage in any kind of sport to take your mind away from the worries and not let them grow.

Get busy with any activity that you love doing. You may, for example, watch a movie, read a book, take a walk or meet friend.

2. Analyze them to find how real they are. Often, they are just unreal fears that create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Often, there is no reality behind them. There is no reason to let them trouble you if they are not real, but only imaginary.

If they are real, instead of worrying, look for ways to deal with their causes. Sometimes, you have to do just a few changes in your life to eliminate their causes.

3. Often, thinking about what is the worst that can happen, if the worries are true, will reveal that it is something not so scary, which you can deal with it. This would make you feel better.

4. Ask yourself, how many of your worries came true. The mind moves from one worry to another. Therefore, many worries do not receive enough attention to grow strong enough affect your life.

5. Do you worry about what people think of you? Can you read their minds and know exactly what they think? No, you don’t, and it is quite possible that they don’t think about you at all, and you just get concerned in vain.

Often, we arrive at the wrong conclusions and wrongly interpret people’s behavior and reactions. This creates unnecessary suffering about things that are not real at all.

6. When you feel weak, hungry or tired, worries arise more easily. Therefore, in these situations, give yourself some rest, eat or drink something and get some sleep. Afterwards, it would be easier to deal with what is troubling you.

7. Stop what you are doing, and ask yourself, “What can I do right now to stop worrying?” Try, even though it night not always easy, to detach yourself from the negative thoughts in your mind. Think of ways that can free your mind, at least temporarily, from these thoughts.

8. I know that meditation is not everyone’s cup of tea. However, it can help you stop worrying and start living a more peaceful life. Simple meditation, for a few minutes can help. Of course, you need to train yourself with meditation for some time, before getting results.

Remember, worries are thoughts, and you can refuse to pay them attention. Your attention give them life and strength, and if you deny them of your attention (which is possible, but not always easy to do) they will grow weaker and leave you.

SOURCE

4 Scientifically Proven Ways for Recovering Self-Esteem after Failure

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 11:30:00 +0000

BY Ilka Emig

Have you ever failed miserably?

I certainly have. It’s awful isn’t it?

Failure leaves you disappointed, angry, desperate, and hopeless.

It crushes your self-esteem and convinces you that you’ll always be a failure.

You wish you could know how to get your self-esteem back.

Well, we’ve all failed at least once in our lives. Living without failing is simply impossible.

We fail if we don’t reach a goal. We fail if we don’t deliver as required or if we don’t perform as expected. And we fail if we make a mistake.

Some failures are better to hide than others, and that’s why some people seem to never fail. But deep inside, covering things up is hard, isn’t it?

Because one part of you always knows that you have failed and how you feel about it: Your brain!

You just may not realize how much your brain controls your responses to failure.

You also may not realize how much control you have over your brain —and how that can empower you.

You Control the Power to Change your Brain

As we go through life, our brains create new connections that affect our beliefs and emotions, often to the detriment of our self-esteem.

Fortunately, we have the power to change our brains to help rid our minds off the beliefs that don’t serve us.

The science behind this is called neuroplasticity, a fancy word for a simple but fascinating truth: the brain can always change throughout life.

It doesn’t just learn and create new connections; it can also break old connections.

This amazing ability of the brain and the nervous system to re-organize its structure, function and connections is researched more and more.

This knowledge is used to understand how we learn and de-learn as adults. It is also important in the medical field to help people recover after brain injuries or strokes and to understand addictions and mental diseases like depression.

This knowledge is also important if you want to change your brain.

So if you want to recover your self-esteem after failure, the following four ways will reprogram your brain to create beliefs that boost your confidence:

1. Break the connections that steal your self-esteem

It happens to all of us. We make a mistake that causes us to fail.

Now we are desperate, angry, and unbelievably sad. We then obsess over our stupid mistake —the one that kept us from reaching our goal.

This obsession causes our brains to constantly create new connections. With every new connection, our brains learn again and again that we are a failure.

With every new connection, this belief becomes stronger and stronger.

So you must not let it be engraved in your brain that you are a failure. You failed. That is part of life, and it’s perfectly ok. But you are not a failure.

There’s a big difference. Obsessing about it gives too much power to the failure, and you’re just wasting your precious time doing so.

Fortunately, you can make and also break connections in your brain.

If we take the focus from what causes the connection, we can stop new connections. If we don’t think about it for a while, the connection can be broken.

So, be disappointed and angry, stamp your foot, or shed a tear, but then shake it off. You can do that by following some practical tips:

You can actually shake it off by physically shaking your hands. That might sound a little silly, but it works. The brain reacts to movement.

If you lean more toward symbols, you could write your mistake on a piece of paper and then burn the paper – or tear it into many small pieces. I have done this before, and it has a wonderfully liberating effect.

You could also make a list of all of your accomplishments and consciously focus on them. See that you are capable of so much and make your mistake look small and irrelevant.

Stop thinking about failure and your brain stops treating you as a failure.

So forgive yourself, treat yourself compassionately, and you’ll break those bad connections that wound your self-esteem.

2. Create goals that guarantee success

People often fail because they set unrealistic goals, and, also they often plan and execute wrong while trying to reach their goals.

By wanting too much too fast, we set ourselves up for failure.

By impatiently pushing towards a goal, we lose our focus on what needs to be done and fail.

In the end, all we do is program our brains to believe we are incapable of succeeding.

If this is why you’ve failed, you can recover your self-esteem by learning to set small achievable goals, give yourself more time, and plan better.

You can also track your goals and reward yourself every time you have reached one of your smaller goals.

Don’t be foolish and think only reaching a final major goal can be called success.

What we see as a big success is always the sum of many small steps and successes. So, don’t forget that every time you reach a goal you do experience success.

How to measure success – should be part of your initial planning.

And experiencing success is even more crucial and important than you might think; because your brain is again involved in this experience.

The smaller the goals, the more likely you are to succeed. And while you experience success, your brain shows high measurable brain activity.

It results in increased motivation, self-esteem, and happiness, which only increase your likelihood of succeeding again in the future. Success is what you need to go on.

Don’t expect to be a billionaire in half a year, to perform as a musician at the Sydney Opera after a few years of practice, or to lose half your body weight in a month, though.

Set yourself up for success with achievable goals.

3. Ensure you’re prepared, and try again

On your way to success after failure, don’t forget an embarrassingly simple strategy that appears to be a little bit out of fashion these days.

That strategy is to practice, practice, and practice. By practicing, we gain knowledge of how something works and the confidence with everything we do.

While you may have failed you can build your self-esteem by trying again and this time making sure you are prepared.

For important information to travel from short-term memory to long-term memory, we must repeat things at least three to five times.

Doing something only once is not enough to have it stick; unless it is mind-blowing.For the best results, repeat it as much as possible as often as possible.

Repetition tells the brain first of all that this must be important and that it is better to keep it in the long-term memory.

Repetition is also increasing the connections in the brain up to the point where a behavior or activity happens almost automatically.

Have you ever been to a conference and listened to a presentation?

Some of the presenters look totally surprised at every new slide on the screen. They lack easiness, and they have to read every slide. They are usually the people that have not practiced.

The information presented is not engraved in their long-term memory, and they look insecure.

The self-confident and entertaining presenters have practiced many times; probably with a timer next to them.

The information they present is engraved in their long-term memories and is available to them anytime. They are confident, and they represent self-esteem.

The same goes for playing an instrument, presenting results to the boss, studying for an exam, doing sports, or learning a language.

So, what you do with practicing after a failure is getting prepared to try again.

It is important to get up and not to give up after a failure. But this time try it differently by being better and more prepared.

So, get busy practicing so that you can enjoy some true self-esteem.

4. Teach your brain the truth about fear

When we fail, we often develop a lot of fear. This fear stops us from taking action and messes with our goals. It prevents us from wanting to try again. It sabotages our self-esteem.

Since fear is also important for our survival, we can’t just get rid of it.

Imagine you are standing in front of a poisonous snake. You need your instincts and all the adrenaline that fear powers into you, to run and survive.

What we don’t want is the fear that stops us, and the fear that feeds more fear and blocks our self-esteem.

Fear is complicated. Fear does not happen in one area of the brain. There exists acomplex system of different brain areas all working together.

So if you’ve failed at something and then developed a lot of fears that are shattering your self-esteem, you must teach your brain that the threats it’s feeling are not real.

Here are some tips on how to manage and control your fears:

Analyze your options

It is essential to evaluate and analyze different options. Don’t think you are stuck with only one option. Look into all the options you can think of, even if they seem odd or scary.

Then rank them according to the risks they present.Finally, chose the option you want to try with confidence and consideration.

Familiarize yourself with what you fear

Regain your self-esteem by slowly getting familiar with the situation or the thing you fear. Expose yourself to a situation, observe it, and get familiar with it.

Doing so gives you control over fear, and your brain learns that no threat, but rather something familiar is present.

Talk about it

We often hide, and are embarrassed about our fear and our lost self-esteem. Sharing and speaking it out loud makes a huge difference.

This little boost of our self-esteem can reduce our fear. While we talk about it, we usually experience that a person we talk to is empathetic with us.

Surprisingly, the other one does not see us as low as we think of ourselves. This reality helps us to change our perspective and boosts our self-esteem too.

Ask for help

Maybe you are scared your work, and your abilities are not good enough. Consider getting help from an expert.

For example, a blog post that went through an editor will allow you to hit that submit button with more confidence. Or taking a few lessons before an audition will allow you to show up with earned self-esteem and reassurance.

Final Thoughts

Now we know that our brains control our responses to failure.

We also know that we have control over our brains and how we can use that to be empowered. Isn’t that amazing?

Failure is not the end of the world. What is important is to get up and go on.

For this, we need to recover our self-esteem first, so that insecurities, fears, and wrong beliefs won’t stop us again.

It is also important that we learn from our failures so that we don’t repeat previous mistakes. It is important to sit and see what went wrong.

We might do that alone or even with some help from outside.

Then we have to re-set our goals and re-evaluate our strategies. As we have learned in this post, we can do that using our precious tool of understanding our brains.

We can stop thinking about mistakes, and we can shake them off. We can set ourselves up for success and find motivation, self-esteem, and happiness.

We can practice to keep information in our long-term memories and gain confidence. Being prepared with knowledge we can get ourselves together and try again.

And finally, we can understand and control our fear to overcome it.

Over To You –

What are your experiences with regaining your self-esteem after a failure? Do you see failure and success differently after understanding your brain better? Let me know in the comments below.

SOURCE

DIVERSIFY YOUR IDENTITY

noreply@blogger.com (Vincent) — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 10:43:00 +0000

By Mark Manson

I don’t watch much TV, but if there were a channel that played Tony Robbins seminars non-stop, I’d watch it like a teenage girl glued to an America’s Next Top Modelmarathon. Say what you want about Robbins (opinions range from him being a complete hack and fraud to him being the second coming of Jesus Christ; my opinion is somewhere in the middle), but his seminars are never dull. The guy knows how to market helping people.

For the uninitiated, Robbins’ seminars have some informal portions where people in the (massive) audience are able to stand up and address their personal issues with Tony one-on-one, in a kind of private counseling session… in front of 2,000 other people. Tony manhandles their emotional worlds, reshaping their realities in front of your eyes, all to thunderous applause. Whether it’s genuine or not, it’s never boring, and it’s usually educational.

(A good friend of mine who is a psychologist and therapist refers to Robbins as the Batman of Psychology — sometimes he has to break the rules and do some unethical things, but it’s always for the greater good.)

In one seminar, a middle-aged man in the audience stood up and confessed that he was suicidal. He then shared his story: he was a finance guy, a very good finance guy. He made a fortune and not only that, but his friends and family members gave him their savings to manage and he made them fortunes as well. His entire life he had been successful and made a lot of people a lot of money.

And then one day he lost it all.

When prodded by Robbins, his reasoning for wanting to kill himself was that his life insurance policy would pay enough to support his wife and children after he was gone, whereas if he stayed alive, his family would be saddled by debt and left broke. When Robbins threw out the obvious point that while his kids would grow up with financial stability, they wouldn’t have a father, the man calmly asserted, “Yes, exactly. That’s the idea.”

What immediately strikes you is this man’s dumbfounding belief that his kids need financial stability more than a living father. And it’d be easy to discount him as a loony for that and be on our merry way.

But if we take a moment and empathize with him and dig a bit deeper into his motivation, we discover something important about his self-perception: This man perceives the value of his own life to be nothing more than financial.

He has no sense of value in himself as a father, husband, friend, companion, not to mention any other skills or hobbies. It’s not just that he thinks his kids would be better off with money than with him, it’s that he believes his only value as a person is his ability to make money.

Superhero Robbins quickly pounced on the nub of the issue: this man had never emotionally invested himself or identified with his roles as a father, a husband, a friend, a colleague — he had invested all of his identity (and time and effort) in making money and becoming rich. Then once his wealth vanished, so did his entire sense of self.

A while back, I saw a short video of Tim Ferriss and in passing he mentioned a concept called “identity diversification.” He more or less said the following:

When you have money, it’s always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don’t lose everything. It’s also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about into a variety of different areas — business, social life, relationships, philanthropy, athletics — so that when one goes south, you’re not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.

I loved this idea. It’s one of those ideas that’s so obvious yet elusive. When you hear it, it makes you feel like you just woke up. Identity diversification.

WHAT IS IDENTITY?

Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all choose what’s important to us; we choose what we value. We choose the measuring sticks with which we measure success and our self-worth. Common measuring sticks people often choose include: being professionally successful, being highly educated, making a lot of money, being an excellent father/husband, being pious and faithful in a chosen religion, being socially and/or sexually popular and desired, being physically attractive or beautiful, and on and on.

Whatever we choose to judge our self-worth by, be it how big of a fan we are for our favorite sports team or making more money than any of our friends or getting more attention from the opposite sex, we are choosing in which way we want to receive validation to feel good about ourselves. Like a mural, whatever you choose to value and receive validation from conglomerates into your overall identity.

Most of us naturally gravitate toward certain aspects of our identity merely through growing up and having attention or praise lavished on us for particular reasons. Maybe you were the smart kid, or the good-looking quarterback, or the popular musician, or whatever. The validation we receive growing up largely determines how we choose to value ourselves in our adult life.

Some of us also experienced emotional traumas early on and therefore many of us get fixated on certain aspects of our identity more than others. Social pressures can also force us into over-identifying with a certain aspect of our identity, which then drowns out other areas of our lives.

For instance, the movie Blow is a true story about drug smuggler George Jung. Jung grew up in a poor family with a father who had trouble paying the bills. As a result, Jung grew up identifying disproportionately with earning money and being rich and doing it in whatever way he could. Once he began smuggling drugs, the social pressures of those around him, the drug cartels and the lifestyle he lived continued to reinforce his choice to receive validation from money and wealth. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, it’s fairly obvious that eventually his life unraveled along with all of the relationships which mattered to him.

In my own life, I over-identified with my sex life and the validation I received from women. This led to me becoming depressed and living on a couch with no job. Later on, when I was building my business and often working 14-16 hour days simply to make a rent payment, a simple refund request or 2-3 days with no new sales could send me spiraling into a depression. Both of these examples from my life were times when I was investing myself completely into one area — women and business — and forsaking other important areas of my life and my identity.

In the case of the man in Robbins’ seminar, he lived an entire life that reinforced his identity as a man who could make money. He worked 100 hour weeks for decades. He made millions. Everyone who knew him, knew him as the man who could make money and did. Many of them knew him and liked him because he could make money.

This constant reinforcement and lack of diversity in his life eventually warped his perception in himself away from being a father, a husband, a friend, a role model, and instead a walking bank account. That’s all that came to matter to him and his identity. He had nothing else going for him because he never invested in any other aspects of his relationships. And when the money went, so did his self-worth along with it.

WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT?

One could take this advice as merely being a well-balanced individual. The problem is, people can be well-balanced but still not have a diverse identity. They can participate in a lot of different activities, but still derive the majority of their validation and self-worth from one source.

For instance, let’s say you’re a well-balanced individual with a successful law career, a spouse, some cool hobbies, and you enjoy reading in your spare time. But in reality your career dominates your identity. You work so much that you have little with which to relate to your spouse other than work. Your hobbies all involve your coworkers. Your reading relates to your career. You have no diversity.

A lot of people I know in finance are like this. Their friends are their co-workers. The books they read and movies they watch relate to their job. Their social excursions are work and networking functions. The dates they go on with people they meet doing work-related things. There’s no diversification of where they’re receiving their validation. And therefore their emotional stability and self-esteem is at risk.

If you invest all of your identity in one basket, then you put your self-esteem and emotional well-being at risk.

American Football player Junior Seau recently committed suicide a few years after retiring. A lot of discussion has taken place about athletes and how they can regain their lost identity once they retire. One can’t imagine what they must feel, having gone their entire lives since childhood being recognized for being great at a single activity, and then once they hit their 40’s, it’s all taken away.

Seau is not the only casualty. There’s this heartbreaking article about Hall of Fame football player William “Refrigerator” Perry and his descent into depression and alcoholism after retirement. Or this excellent article on soccer legends Pele and Maradona and their inability to let go of their pasts. Or how about this one on Michael Jordan and his continued bitterness and insecurity after retirement?

Three years ago, the thought of my business going under terrified me. I stayed up entire nights worrying about if a new web page would make me money or not. When they didn’t I would lose sleep again trying to figure out why.

Ironically, now that I’m successful in business, my identity isn’t as invested in it, and if it failed tomorrow I don’t think I’d be as devastated now as I would have been three years ago. Why? Because I’ve diversified my identity. I’ve been around the world, speak multiple languages, have a wide array of friends of varying lifestyles, am a good musician, a successful writer — if my business crashed, it would surely suck and be stressful, but I imagine emotionally I would hold up much better.

What do you care about? I mean, what do you really care about? Invest yourself in a wide range of areas. If you like music, start attending concerts or learn an instrument. Don’t just travel as a vacation, but invest in learning about the cultures. Learn a new language. Make time for old friends. Pick up new hobbies. Get competitive in something. Expand yourself beyond your work and your relationships. Go out for no other reason than to be with your friends. Learn how to dance. Take some time off work. Attend a meditationretreat.

And don’t just do something else, but care about it, invest yourself in it.

Lest you become like our finance guru at a Tony Robbins seminar. Because chances are, the Batman of Psychology is not going to be around to save you.