You are now aware that you are wearing clothes

From Steubenville to Serena - when did rape stop being so horrifying?

2013-06-19T17:24:00.002+01:00

Recently in the news, and on social media in particular I've started a notice a nasty little trend cropping up time and time again, that rape just isn't so horrifying anymore.

Let me be clear, I'm not saying that people think it's a-ok to rape, far from it, but that there seems to be an underlying feeling that in certain circles it seems to be an after thought, not a problem, and that there's even an opportunity for profit from it.

And I've never felt sicker.

It kicked off for me today when I noticed there was a lot of people on my Twitter feed, retweeting about a Kickstarter campaign for a guy's book on how to pick up women becoming a reality.

On the surface it seemed pretty fucking harmless. What else is new? A guy that seemingly has all the answers on how to pick up fit women in bars and clubs? What average Joe wouldn't want to know that? Then there's some of the passages I read, however. They left me feeling horrified. Since this morning, these passages on reddit seem to be temporarily down (weird eh?). However, here are some of those passages transcribed (taken from this blog post):

”5) Get CLOSE to her, damn it!

To quote Rob Judge, “Personal space is for pussies.” I already told you that the most successful seducers are those who can’t keep their hands off of women. Well you’re not gonna be able to do that if you aren’t in close! ”
“All the greatest seducers in history could not keep their hands off of women. They aggressively escalated physically with every woman they were flirting with. They began touching them immediately, kept great body language and eye contact, and were shameless in their physicality. Even when a girl rejects your advances, she KNOWS that you desire her. That’s hot. It arouses her physically and psychologically.”
“Decide that you’re going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don’t ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances.”
“Sex
Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don’t ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.”

Charming, eh? Even if I did posses the ability to have groups of women flock to me, I wouldn't fucking dare do either of those to a woman, because a) forcing women to sit on your lap is just wrong and b) forcing women's hands on to your dick is just a smidge wronger.

He's not the only one though trying to earn some money. Remember those t-shirts which were being sold on Amazon earlier this year? In the 'keep calm and carry on' style? Keep Calm And Just Rape Them? Those hilarious t-shirts which only set you back a tenner? God they were dead funny those, weren't they?

About as funny as they were trendy, to be honest. If I was a woman and saw a lad wearing one of them I'd be thinking, 'Keep Calm And Crack Him In The Bollocks'. They've been taken down, thank god. Still makes you wonder, who thought those were a good product to sell?

The shameful thing is there seems to be a few in society who think rape really isn't that big of a deal. Earlier this year, in Steubenville, Ohio in America, a girl was raped at a house party by two college football players. They were convicted and sentenced to prison time. However the reactions from some however was beyond the pale. CNN's attitude seemed to give no sympathy towards the victim, but a bit of sympathy towards the convicted rapists.

Seriously, who gives a crap about the lasting effect on them? They're rapists! Who cares about the tags they're gonna have to live with? They made their choice when they did what they did.

A sad amount of tweets from the general public in the aftermath of the verdict are a depressing read. I don't know about you, but when I go to a house party I fully expect to get smashed (guilty, as charged), but I don't ever really expect to get raped. Society wouldn't expect me to either, they'd be horrified if it happened to me, a man. So why don't women get the same treatment?

To be honest it doesn't help when you've got strong, technically-gifted, female sports-stars saying that she "shouldn't have put herself in that position". It beggars belief.

The final thing that got to me is a campaign which a friend I follow on Twitter posted a couple of days ago. About blocking the access to 'rape pornography' sites. Now to be honest, I've visited 4chan (once and only once), I've seen the dark depths the internet, but I am still genuinely amazed that these are a thing. Now don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against pornography ('A single lad likes porn?! Shocking!' said nobody, ever), but this is beyond twisted. This stuff needs to be banned. Pornography is brilliant. Rape porn however is not. It's sad that I'm even having to type that.

So what's the point of all this then you may ask? Well it just seems to me that it's horrifically wrong that we as a society seem to give less and less of a shit about rape and its culture as a whole. When did this start being ok? You can't obviosly stop this from happening but we as a society can say that it's not fucking cool, and it's not fucking okay for certain cretinous dicks on the internet making some dollar off it.

Go to the bottom of the Kickstarter page and get this project killed off:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/tofutofu/above-the-game-a-guide-to-getting-awesome-with-wom?ref=live

And the link to that petition to get get rape porn sites blocked here in blighty:

http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/close-the-rape-pornography-loophole

JLS Obituary

2013-04-24T18:36:00.000+01:00

X-factor silver medalists and condom entrepreneurs JLS sadly passed away last night, (April 23^rd) obnoxiously in the media after a triumphant career in the UK Top 40 singles chart and couple's bedrooms everywhere. They were 5 years old.

Described by many as “more than a trio” and in fact, even a band in some circumstances, JLS rose to prominence with their many odes to previous boyband's on Simon Cowell's the X-factor in mid-2008, being the only reason to live after the distraught England national football team's failure to qualify for the European Championships that same year.

Louis Walsh, the band's manager, has said that he is “devastated” by the news of the band's untimely ending, but will cope with his grief through his new band, 'Westlife: With A Vengeance'. He and his pet Jedward have asked for privacy during this difficult time.

JLS had many no.1 hits including 'Everybody In Love' and 'That one where they're on the beach in the video? One of them does a back-flip(?)' The band themselves have described comparisons to the Jackson 5 as, “numerically inaccurate” but musically, “spot on”.

They will best be remembered however for their sterling work in rejuvenating sex-lives across the nation with the release of their own brand of condoms, 'Generic and radio-friendly'. Fearne Cotton described them as 'safe in every conceivable way' and 'used regularly by Radio 1 DJ's'.

They are survived by One Direction, 4/5ths of 5ive and Taylor Swift, who has vowed that they are never, ever, ever getting back together. Except for maybe £10m each for a reunion in five year's time.

JLS, the band, the myth, the legend, dead aged 5. December 2008 – April 2013.

London Super Comic Convention! Or...how I saw an 89 year old man get robbed of his tie, shoes and dignity

2012-03-11T20:29:00.000+00:00

February 24th 2012. The date that I and a friend of mine embarked down to the big smoke to experience the geekiest of weekends. A pop-culture nerdvana if you will, for one of the biggest and greatest comic book conventions (not including San Diego, New York or any other U.S con for that matter) EVER. It was the turn of London to host this wonderfully geeky affair. And I freaking loved it.

Lets be clear, I am not a hardcore comic book fan (more on those later, two of which I became friends with). Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Spiderman as much as the next guy, but could I tell you which issue Doc Ock first fought our favourite wall-crawler? No I could not. But I enjoy comic books and the mythology and world that comes with it. I also greatly admire Stan Lee, as he created my hero Spiderman, as well as a host of other comic book heroes which have had films too that you will have seen throughout your lives. So when my friend said in work that he was London Calling to the Super Comic Convention, with guests including none other than the aforementioned Stan Lee headlining (is it headlining at these things? Forgive me, I'm new to these), I basically decided to join him down there. After weeks or dicking around with accommodation (mate's Aunt's house), and sorting lifts to (mate's wife) and from (National Express. Not mate's wife) our nation's fair capital, we finally began dreaming of meeting the legend that is Stan Lee.

February 24th - Bright lights, bigger city

We make our way down to London in my mate car with his wife and four children. We arrive at around half past two at his Aunt's house in the east end as that's where we'd be staying for the next 48 hours. We decide to head into the city centre to see the sights. Naturally, this was exciting because none of us had ever been to London before (going to Wembley doesn't count in my opinion, which I have done by the way). So we saw all of the usual sights. The tower of London. Big Ben. Some Asian tourists taking pictures of Big Ben. The usual kerfuffle. After all the site seeing, the kids are getting restless so we take them to Hamley's toy store on Bond Street (?) to keep them entertained. To this all I can say is Hamley's was basically one big over-priced crack-den for kids, as there was literally EVERY TOY IN EXISTENCE EVER THERE.

Later on that night I embarked into deep east London to meet an old uni friend to catch up and to give her my old acoustic guitar (she also blogs here by the way. She's bloody good at it too). I was also walking to meet her alone. Me, in a city I've never been to before. With an acoustic guitar in hand, looking like a hipster dickhead. Alone. Naturally I assumed the twenty minute walk to the pub we were meeting at would obviously result in my untimely death, as I was convinced that everybody in London wilfully murders out of towner's without thought, but alas I was wrong. I had a damn fun time and I definitely didn't die.

February 25th - The con is on

After a slightly slow and hungover start, me and my friend made our way to the Convention at London's Excel centre on one half-hour bus journey. Fun fact - we passed Sky Sports News presenter Alex Hammond. We think. She looked quite nice though. We arrive to meet two new additions to our party, friend's of my friend, and see the line for the convention is quite possibly a mile long. Thankfully though, we have VIP passes, and get escorted like the foursome from Entourage to the convention straight away. After gaining our lanyards we queued up to meet Stan Lee and get some of our gear signed. We saw some cosplayers in the line. There were some wins:

Definitely not looking creepy here.

and some fails...

Taxi's on its way kids.

After getting our stuff signed by Stan Lee, one of the lads came out looking a bit pissed off. When I asked what was wrong he replied, “Stan Lee's handler bent me comic at the bottom! Look at it! I nearly drop-kicked the cunt!”. I genuinely laughed out loud. A friendship was born, and the tone for the day was set. This was going to be funny. The rest of the day can be surmised better with pictures than words I feel. So people, here are some pictures of me with cosplayers. Ogle away you filthy animals.

Yep, time actually did slow down here.

Black Cat was rather popular for some reason...

This couple were amazing. Plus look at Catwoman, with her big...face.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

HOLY-JESUS-CHRIST-THIS-WAS-MY-HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-WEEKEND. I even shook his hand!

One picture I regret not getting was the site of a group of people mobbing Stan Lee as he walked out to the convention floor, which I can only assume was to sneak off for a piss, at around midday. This 89 year old man had been signing stuff all damn morning and these people wouldn't let this poor man go. I was quite shocked, if this was happening in Morrison's we'd be telling these people to get off that old man and give him his shoes back, but here it was perfectly normal.

Some time later outside the convention a very bizarre thing happened to me and one of our party. When the four of us nipped out for drinks, foods, fags etc. me and one of our party were simply minding our own business when two random girls decided to walk up to us (alarming, I know right?) and ask us, without a shred of irony if they, “could borrow your passes just for ten minutes, just so we can see what the convention is like. We're not thieves or anything, we'll bring them back we promise”. Now I don't know if she thought that because me and my friend had comics in our hands that we also had 'Knobheads' written on our foreheads as well, but that is possibly one of the cheekiest and genuinely most baffling things I have ever heard at a pass-based event. Of course we'll give away our expensive passes! We totally know you're coming back! We promptly said no and they went away. They weren't even fit.

Later on we saw Stan Lee at a panel. It was damn fun too. I learnt that Stan's old editor at his publishing house told him that his idea for a superhero called 'Spiderman' was the worst idea he'd ever heard of. I think it's fair to say that he's in a league with other men of wisdom who also made such great calls, such as that guy who turned down The Beatles when they were still unsigned, or Justin Bieber's dad not wearing a condom one night back in 1994. A great day all round I must say.

February 26th – For a few comics more (and a really scary guy in a betting shop)

Sunday was a little more subdued than the day before, there was still a lot of people at the convention, but it just wasn't as packed as the day before. There was the overwhelming feeling too that we'd pretty much done everything we wanted to on the Saturday. So to combat this we ~~did what all good women do and~~ went shopping for more stuff. I picked up all of this win:

No idea why you have to be over 14 to have these.

Stan Lee's signature. Happy Mike indeed.

Spiderman looks in a spot of bother here...

This 'Avengers' issue is from 1963. This is older than you and me put together. Probably.

My Batman #1 from the new 52 collection, and my signed copy of the Batman graphic novel 'The Killing Joke' by Brian Bolland. He had a beard. He was very nice.

After the con ended it was time for us all to depart back home. After me and my friend from work got from Canning town to Stratford station, we had to find our stop where the National Express coach would pick us up. After what felt like an eternity we found the stop which would get us home. Now this wasn't just a day for comic appreciation, it was also the Carling Cup final between Liverpool and Cardiff City. My friend who supports Liverpool, naturally wanted to see the game, especially after we overheard some locals that it had gone to extra time. Across the road from our stop was a pub so we thought with Einstein-levels of genius that naturally the pub would be showing the game. However because we are both plagued with the luck of the number thirteen we went to the one pub in London that wasn't showing the game. So one pint later we went back to our stop to see that down the road was a William Hill. So I decided to pop my head in and ask for the score and who won the Carling Cup. What followed was one of the scariest moments of my life. One of the men basically just ignored me, some muttered “dunno”, but one gentlemen. One evil-as-hell looking gentlemen, decided to turn his head towards me, slowly but surely revealing a knife scar upon his right cheek, looking at me dead in the eyes. He then proceeded to not reveal said score of the Carling Cup final, but decided to just look me up and down, twice, in total silence. I took this act of warmth and hugs as a cue to sheepishly say “cheers anyway lads” then run like hell back to the stop. I did not move from the stop from this point forward. Liverpool won by the way in case you wanted to know.

An E-fit of the aforementioned man in William Hill

And alas with that my first trip to London was over. Well thanks for reading if you've stuck with me, I hope I haven't bored you for too long. I'm Mike Glover.

In a bit.

(@Like_Mike10)

Hidden Items & Rare Gems - TV shows you've heard of but haven't watched #1 The Shield

2011-11-11T16:58:00.000+00:00

I'm starting a new series today of blogs about TV shows that, as my title says, you've heard of but haven't actually got round to watching yet. Imagine it as a sort of hidden treasures archive that needs to be plundered a bit more. These are the shows which probably haven't been given the recognition they deserve, or they have but you've seen them advertised and thought "Oh aye I need to watch that at some point". Well the time is now folks. No more putting it off. You're going to start now and you will enjoy it.

Well, hopefully.

This week I'm going to start out with the criminally underrated: The Shield

Imagine a world where lines between the police and crooks are blurred. Where cops aren't just dirty, they're filthier than Paris Hilton's last conquest. Where not necessarily making the ethical choice is the right choice. Where there is violence, drug running and prostitution running amok. Welcome to Farmington ladies and gentlemen, a fictional, but altogether very realistic part of downtown Los Angeles, the setting of the FX cop drama The Shield. It's brutal, unflinchingly violent, but altogether quality television and very realistic.

The Shield centres around main protaganist Vic Mackay, played immaculately by Ross Kemp look-a-like Michael Chiklis. He's in a specialised task force within the L.A.P.D known as The Strike Team, a force which specialises in tackling gang-crime, and not necessarily by the book. This team will do anything to get results. From the pilot it's clearly established that everyone who works in 'The Barn' (the nickname for the police station where cops in the Farmington district work) are suspicious of Vic and his team's way of dealing with the city's bad guys. These methods include planting evidence on suspects, running protection rackets on drug dealers, and stealing evidence just to name a few. These cops are no role models. The series revolves around The Strike Team's many misdeeds and how far they can go before they are exposed to their other colleagues.

And this is the beauty of The Shield, because even with all the negative character traits that I've just mentioned, they are all likeable characters in a likeable show. They do what they do so they can support their families into retirement age. They ultimately feel like real people. The show begs the question of the viewer, could you handle a corrupt cop if they got more criminals off the street? It's testament to the show's brilliant creator and head writer, Shawn Ryan, and second writer Kurt Sutter. They write anti-hero to a tee, and create such true empathy in such complex characters that it deserves to be applauded.

Speaking of other characters, there are great characters throughout The Shield. This is not simply a one-man show. The Shield has one of the finest supporting casts in any TV show I've ever seen. The greatest example of this is Vic's right hand man and best friend Det. Shane Vendrell, played by the amazing Walton Goggins. Shane is one of the most believable characters I've ever seen committed to tape. He's a misogynist, a racist, and deep down, a very scared, troubled human being. Even though on paper he's a despicable character, he doesn't feel like a magnet for hatred like you would perhaps expect. The reason he's so good is because he just seems real.

The show is filled with other great characters. The Barn's head honcho, Captain Aceveda played by Beito Martinez is another example. Aceveda so driven in his rivalry to take down Vic he begins to incorporate Vic's own dirty ways to further himself up the career ladder and to wipe out Vic. Also worth noting is Detective Dutch Wagenbach. Dutch is an archetypal loser, but with a police badge to boot. His obsession with being liked and famous for his work is funny and tragic to watch. Then there are The Shield's amazing guest stars. There's too many that I can be bothered to list here (I'm only one man), so I'll centre on the amazing Forest Whitaker. He plays Internal Affairs officer Lieutenant John Kavanaugh, whose sole mission is to bring down The Strike Team. The way the writers have portrayed him as an Ishmael-like character from Moby Dick, a man so hell-bent on capturing his own white whale in Vic Mackay, is a tour-de-force. It's easy to see from his portrayal of this character why Mr. Whitaker has got an Oscar to his name .

The Shield in my opinion is one of the greatest television shows ever made. It deserves to be mentioned in the same company as The Sopranos as one of the most critically acclaimed television shows ever made. The Wire is frequently mentioned as the greatest police drama ever made, I fully believe The Shield deserves that claim. It my not have won that many awards, but it really is THAT good that it doesn't matter. All 7 seasons are available on DVD, get it rented/bought/downloaded now. It'd be a crime not to.

I'm gonna live my life by the stars that shine/Tonight I'm a rock n' roll star

2011-11-05T14:09:00.000+00:00

Right, that's it. It has to stop now. I've had enough. This is driving me up the wall and I want it to end.

I'm sick to fucking death of people being so bloody cynical and miserable all the time. Recently I've just noticed that nobody seems to get psyched about anything anymore. Don't get me wrong, I've been like that many a time, but I don't let it rule my life, like it seems to with so many people. Sometimes it's just over big things, sometimes it's over every. Little. Piece. Of. Their. Lives. And it bugs me. I want people to be happy for once instead of being miserale gits all the time.

Take for example last night. I went to this horror-themed adventure-type park-thing where my friend works. He got us in for free, and on paper some parts sounded a bit lame but I went with it thinking, 'I hope I get scared tonight'. I wanted to be had. The same couldn't be said for everyone at the park though. Some iron-willed teenagers thought they were too good for the park, and that it was stupid and that there was zero point to it. Throughout some of the attractions, which were all like mini haunted houses with different themes, we had to be in single file and got let in two groups of friends at a time or so. Throughout this horror maze this 15 year-old in front of me, who can only be described with his 'wit', as a cross between a smug bell-end and Justin Bieber, was giving everyone a running commentary on the place. WAIT? THEY'RE NOT ACTUAL ZOMBIES IN THERE BELL-END BIEBER?! IT'S ALL MAKE-UP? I HAD NO IDEA THAT THERE WASN'T ACTUALLY A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL BLOOD ON THE WALLS!

I just wanted to grab him and say for gods sake just go with it you bloody idiot, and use your imagination. (Seriously, where are the West's when you need them?)

Hell to him, I enjoyed myself.

Another thing got me ditching the cynicism this week I must admit. It was my birthday on Tuesday (23, thanks for asking) and I had work the next day. I could've bailed on not doing anything because it was a work night but instead I thought fuck it. I'm enjoying this and to hell with the consequences. My job sucks so who cares? (Before you begin with "Aren't you defeating your point by being miserable? *smug face*", I said ALL the time, I'm not concerned if you want to be pissed off from time to time). Anyways, the night out, yes. I went out, got very drunk. Woke up the next day, slept through my alarm and lost my phone. Panicking (it's a Galaxy Ace!), I searched my room. Not on my dresser. Not in my jeans. Not on my chest of drawers. Nowhere. Bricks were shat. What the hell do I do? So in a last ditch attempt, I went to put on my slippers to venture around the house and outside, and alas felt something in the right one.

Yep, my phone was in my slipper.

Work was rung, telling them the truth of what happened. I figured I was going to have my arse handed to me the next day. But I didn't. I got away with it scot-free. No warnings. No disciplinary. Nothing. I smiled a little bit inside and out. And I'd do it again ten times over. Maybe minus that 6th shot of Sambuca (I swear that's when you go from drunk to Charlie Sheen. 5 is fine, 6 is Sheen, remember that).

My point of this blog is to ditch your cynical side for once, and go have a great time instead. Next time it's your birthday on a week night, go celebrate. Next time you hate the world, remember it's not all bad, Malcolm In The Middle is still on TV.

Just check your slippers first, you may find something awesome in there.

Live Gig Review! – Cage The Elephant @ Manchester Academy 2 – 03/10/11

2011-10-08T12:57:00.000+01:00

For the second time in six days I'm at Manchester's Academy 2 to come see a kick-ass rock n' roll band. The weather's holding up nicely, with England still getting the last few rays of sun from the preceding weekend's late summer flourish of good weather. The gig's sold out, and everyone's dressed like they're ready to hit Newquay beach.

The atmosphere inside the academy is fantastic, with the very, and I mean very, young crowd looking and sounding enthusiastic for tonight's show. Providing support are Brit band 'Dinosaur Pile-Up', who's very heavy rock sound work's well in getting the crowd pumped for the main event. Their half-hour whisks along quickly with no fuss and they've teed the crowd up perfectly. A one to watch for the future one could easily argue. But that's not why everyone's here. We want to see the what the other side of the Atlantic has to offer.

At approximately 9.30pm, Cage The Elephant come on and come out swinging. They keep the lively pace set by Dinosaur Pile-Up by opening up with one of their biggest songs, 'In One Ear'. It's a damn fine start and the crowd are loving it. They then hit in to some new material from second LP 'Thank You, Happy Birthday'. '2024' and 'Aberdeen' hit one after another and they're sounding great, if a little slower and much different in tone than their self-titled débuts tracks. However there is plenty to admire from said début, with 'Tiny Little Robots', 'Lotus' and 'Back Against The Wall' all getting an airing. The band race through their set in next to no time, with front-man Matt Schultz saying relatively little to the crowd throughout other than to thank them here and there. However as we come to the end, the band unsurprisingly save their biggest singles for last. 'Ain't No Rest For The Wicked' gets the biggest cheer of the night, while last single 'Shake Me Down' brings the crowd back down to end their normal set.

Then something very baffling happens. The band go off for the obligatory three minutes to come back on for their encore. Which lasts all of three minutes while they play 'Sabretooth', after which they just leave. It's is a little disappointing because A) who does a one-song encore? And B) even with the encore break and song, their entire set-list only lasts one hour. A bit on the short side for a band with two albums worth of material to perform. However at £12.50 a ticket, it's hard to complain that much.

Still, Cage The Elephant are a good band, pure and simple. There is no denying the fact their brand of American rock n' roll is anything but a joy to behold. But a lack of showmanship and short set-list is a little disappointing, and you feel they just need that little bit more to become a truly must-see band. Still, a very entertaining band who are still worth checking out for a very little asking price.

3/5

Live Gig Review! - The Subways @ Manchester Academy 2: 27/09/11

2011-10-02T22:05:00.000+01:00

Tuesday night's categorically, are not a good night. The week is still in its early stages, fun seems like it's a million miles away, and pay-day never lands on a Tuesday. So what's a broke person to do? Go and see one of Britain's finest rock n' roll bands, that's what.

Manchester Academy, in all of its three forms, has a certain gravitas to gig-goers as a venue that will always guarantee you a good time. Its intimacy almost exudes raw, sweaty rock n' roll. Which is why it is the most perfect venue for a band such as The Subways, who personify those qualities, and then a whole lot more. Their three-chord, but not at all dumb variety of rock n' roll, is a dying art-form in today's indie, light on the distortion bands, and they bring a much welcome change to that mould.

And boy do they show us how to rock. Opening with the wonderfully unashamed pro-teen anthem 'Oh Yeah', they get the already psyched up crowd going like they are all seventeen again at their very first gig. And the tunes keep on coming from their début LP, with second song 'Young For Eternity' keeping a breathless crowd tired just that little bit longer.

As well as the great classics, the new tunes hold up well with the proven hits. 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', and not as good but still decent song, 'Popdeath' are showcased from the band's new album 'Money And Celebrity' excellently. Latest single, 'We Don't Need Money To Have A Good Time' is a particular highlight from the new crop of songs that the band have to offer on the night.

Throughout the night the band roll out songs from all three of their albums to date and there isn't a single dud in the set. 'I Want To Hear What You've Got To Say', 'Shake Shake', 'Mary', '1am'. The list of quality songs goes on and on. Highlight of the night comes from front-man Billy Lunn's request, on behalf on bassist Charlotte Cooper, for the audience to create a room-sized circle mosh-pit to the heavy-as-hell song, 'Turnaround'. The crowd immediately oblige, and hell is unleashed on Manchester Academy 2 for two minutes fifty-eight seconds.

In a world where pretty much everyone is broke, and there isn't much joy at the moment, it's great to see a band like The Subways doing what they do, and do it so well. And at a ridiculously low £10.50 a ticket, The Subways really do prove that you don't need money to have a good time.

5/5

Here's 'We Don't Need Money To Have A Good Time':

Live Gig Review - Osale Rooms Warrington 09/09/11

2011-09-17T14:30:00.002+01:00

On a wonderfully warm Autumn Friday night, Osale Rooms (formally the legendary WA1 club to Warrington indie-folk), re-opened to the public with aplomb. And it was on fire to all that could see. Quite literally in fact, as the club decided to opt for a circus-themed gala, with fire-breathers and jugglers greeting you at the club’s entrance. Garish dress-sense was positively encouraged. So with the theatrics and décor sorted, could the bands on show offer some sure-fire entertainment?

After getting the club nice and packed, opening band The Stocks were first on to please a hot and heavy crowd. And they did not disappoint, even if the onsite PA system decided to have a hissy-fit of Elton John proportions. It caused technical hitches left, right and centre for the whole night. Still, true champions perform with their backs to the wall, and The Stocks delivered. Tunes like ‘Bring The Light’ and ‘Lure of The Cure’ got the crowd warmed up for a night of rock n’ roll debauchery. A definite highlight.
4/5

The same cannot be said however for Warrington favourites and most-promising band, Exile Parade. The music and vocals was spot on, but the song choices were not. Exile Parade have some amazing tunes that are 3 minute, in-yer-face rock beauties which are a joy to behold. Then there are others which are of a slower staple, equally as good mind, but designed for big open stages, and not for rooms crammed with a hundred people in them. Too much of their set was devoted to these longer epics and it didn’t come off well. Also, what the hell their guitarist at the end was doing I will never know, as he decided to go a bit Pete Townsend on the equipment. Kicking your instruments and knocking over amps does not make you cool, it makes you look petulant and a bit thick, and it was no different here. It left a bitter taste in the mouth in what capped a disappointing night for the ‘Parade. Still, they’re an amazing band, and ‘Fire Walk With Me’ was bloody amazing to hear as always.
2/5

However the best was certainly left ‘til last as headliners Bill Davro played the set of the night. They were happy and it showed through their songs. Just pure joy radiated from them and the crowd fed off it. Songs like ‘Winter Is Over’ and ‘All She Requires’ just physically made you want to dance, and they did. They didn’t have the biggest crowd, shamefully, but they had the best set. They even threw in an un-ironic cover of ‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ and made it work. Bill Davro wanted one thing from the crowd and one thing only; for them to have a good time. And they did. Pure unadulterated joy.
5/5

Bang! Bang! Shouty Car! Whir! Whir! Or why video games have actually grown up and are now well written like TV and films

2011-08-31T22:10:00.000+01:00

Despite what my title says, I actually do believe video games have gained an artistic edge which puts them on par with cinema and TV. Honestly, just stick with me. I have proof and everything.

Years ago, in an age before Amy Childs and Geordie Shore, video games were reserved for people in pubs lining up to have a go at eating chasing ghosts, or battling evil aliens invading from space, and not a lot else. Then games got a bit better, and involved a lot of jumping like this. And if you were cool and liked small, blue, woodland creatures #winning then like THIS. Slightly better plots, but not much better. With these types of games coming out they inevitably gained a different audience, specifically male kids and teenagers. Developers seemed to grasp on to this knowledge and started to continue to not offer much in the sense of story telling, and started to exclusively cater to teen boys who wanted brain-candy. Specifically, violent brain candy. We got Mortal Kombat, Streets of Rage, Killer Instinct and Doom just to name a few in this genre. All very nasty and all bloody good fun, but didn't exactly have a story to tell. However, in 1997 the grand-daddy of all violent and totally catered-for-teens games was released. Rockstars infamous Grand Theft Auto. It had cars, guns, violence and money. A lot of very mindless fun, but not a lot else. I honestly couldn't tell you the plot because I don't think it really had one, but teens loved it. Unsurprisingly it attracted a wealth of controversy. Newsnight berated it, The Daily Mail condemned it as more evil than New Labour, and parents were outraged by it. Yet it still sold bucketloads. It was with this that the general, non-video game playing public decided to dismiss games as for teenagers who stay in too much and maturbate too often. And for years, video games were perceived as that. Video games had grown up by dumbing down, lost in a world of shooting stuff because you could.

But now I believe that's changed...

Don't get me wrong, there are a TON of video games out right now which are dumb, go bang bang and involve lots of violence, many of which I enjoy. But what I mean by change is in the quality of writing. Games now try to tell a story, albeit usually with violence, but an intelligent story at that. Take for example Grand Theft Auto circa 1997 and GTA IV from 2008. Both at the crux, involve you playing as an anti-hero rising up through the criminal world, committing acts of violence and serious crime to make it to the top. However, the difference in story between the two is gargantuan. GTA '97 was a game that at its crux was 'bang bang shooty whir whir' with sod all in the sense of a script. GTA IV however told a black-as-night satirical tale on the crime genre of an immigrant trying to snatch the American dream. GTA IV was well written. It actually made you want to watch the cut-scenes because they were not only funny as hell, but genuinely had you captivated, because unlike this blog they were WELL-WRITTEN. Obviously, some people just bought it because, *adopts thick, chavvy accent* 'You shag prozzies and you've got a gun and shit mate' missing the point entirely. But they're probably still in their bedroom's nursing a chronic masturbation problem.

Scripts in games have improved a million-fold since the dunderhead PS1 years. Rockstar's other titles Red Dead Redemption and L.A Noire have proved this. Red Dead redemption told the tale of an old outlaw who is blackmailed by the US government into hunting down and killing his old gang buddies, or they'll take away his family. The game makes you give a shit about lead character John Marston because he says and does things that you would expect a man would do in his predicament. The way he develops over the course of the game's 20 or so hours, is natural and real. The ending SPOILER ALERT of you facing off against the US Marshalls, who after giving you back your family, screw you over by coming to kill you is so damn heart-breaking, you can't help but well up. As you stand there, 1 vs 50 with just six bullets and are told to fight, giving you that glimmer of hope that you can get out of this, just to have it dashed as you are killed in a hail of bullets is writing that is equally on par with something on the big screen or TV. I honestly believe HBO could make a series out of the Red Dead Redemption source material.

Red Dead Redemption isn't the only one. The aforementioned L.A Noire tells the tale of a hardened WWII veteran Cole Phelps who becomes one of LAPD's finest in the 1940's. The way the game highlights his over-bookishness as a counter-balance to his torment over his conduct during the war is inspired. And again, something which could easily be translated to a film script. Furthermore, like most good films, the game made you think. You need wits in this game, the ability to figure things out, to think like a real detective. Brain Candy this ain't, but it's all the better for it.

Now all those detractors that say "But what about all those other dumb games?! The bang bang ones? They can't be as smart as TV or film!" I say this, have you ever watched the BAFTA award-winning (yes, for real) 'The Only Way Is Essex'? Has that ever intellectually nourished you? No, because it's not meant to. Just like Mortal Kombat isn't meant to improve your life. It's meant to distract you for half an hour while you forget about the evils of taxes, that 7am start tomorrow and Justin Bieber. There's certain TV and films that are just their to entertain and nothing more, as there are films which make you think and are clever and genuinely world changing. Just like there are smart as hell games...

...and ones that go bang bang shouty car whir whir.

Cowboys & Aliens Review

2011-08-18T22:13:00.000+01:00

In a summer that is packed to the rafters with blockbusting wizards, robots and tiny blue pain in the arses, where does a film with a title as unambiguous as 'Cowboys & Aliens' fit in to this? Well for my second movie review in a row, said movie just doesn't quite get there.

Daniel Craig (Layer Cake, Munich and some franchise where he plays a spy, I think) plays Jake Lonergan, a man who wakes up in the middle of the desert with no recollection of who or where the hell he is. Jake's in a bit of a pickle, as he gets set upon by some bandits, and he's not wearing much and has got some odd looking jewellrey attatched to his wrist. To say that this is not Jake's day is somewhat of an understatement. Anyways after some quick fisticuffs he hotfoots into the nearest town where he discovers he's actually a bit of a bastard that robbed and shot people. Lots.

Well he is a cowboy...

Anyway, nightfall arrives and he's about to be taken away for some hang time when low and behold, aliens attack! Hell breaks loose as the aliens in their spaceships begin abducting the townsfolk by lassoing them to their ships. The irony-spewing bastards. Amid the chaos, Jake notices his funky new bracelet starts lighting up and is not a bracelet afterall, but is actually an alien weapon (obviously) and promptly shoots down one of the ships. The townsfolk realise they need Jake afterall and set about getting the abducted townsfolk back.

The problem with Cowboys and Aliens is that it can't seem to decide what film it wants to be. For the first 30 minutes or so, it's an out and out western, and is damn near flawless. But when the aliens arrive it turns into sci-fi action fare for the rest of the film. Considering that this is a near-two hour film, the sci-fi outweighs the western element a lot. Being two genres is fine by all means, but when your film is called COWBOYS & Aliens, you have to blend the two genres together, and this just doesn't quite pull it off.

However it's not all bad. Daniel Craig is on superb form as badass cowboy Lonergan, brooding and shooting and being heroic in an anti-hero sort of way. Harrison Ford does perma-pissed off to perfection as a pissed off father who's son has been nicked by the aliens. Olivia Wilde does well too as a tough-edged cowgirl. Oh and Sam Rockwell is in it. 'Nough said (the man's class). Final mention too to Walton Goggins, purely because he needs more recognition than he gets (but that's another article).

To surmise Cowboys & Aliens is an okay film, just don't expect the earth. Hell, it's better than Green Lantern.

6/10

Captain America: The First Avenger Review

2011-08-01T21:31:00.000+01:00

Another week, another comic book film. Why should you bother to part with your hard-earned cash for yet another superhero film? And a superhero that was basically a propaganda tool for patriotic Americans?

Well to be honest, I'm not totally sure you should. But it's got nothing to do with the whole America thing. Promise.

Lets start with the plot. Chris Evans plays all-American piss-weed Steve Rogers, who despite wanting to ever-so-desperately fight the good fight for his country in WWII, can't get past the initial recruitment stage. After attending a World's Fair, he is encouraged to sign up to a secret government program by not-at-all evil German scientist, Dr. Abraham Erskine (played very well by Stanley Tucci). After being injected with a 'super-soldier serum', in a flash, Rogers is turned from a scrawny wet-lettuce to ripped adonis. Captain America is born!

So he's a high-jumping, marathon-running all American hero. But needs someone to fight. And boy does he have an opponent. Step up really-super-evil German Johann Schmidt a.k.a The Red Skull (played by Hugo Weaving). A man so evil even Hitler doesn't want him in the Third Reich. So yes, Evil.

Anyway, he has found an ancient energy cube that allows to him to build kick-ass weapons and generally be a bastard to all. Cap's gotta stop him. Can he save the day?

Well I'm not going to ruin the film for you, but you're not idiots. C'mon, it's called Captain America afterall. So you know the yanks are going to prevail. It's WWII, that's fine, I don't mind that. It's the fact that the way he does save the world is so...frickin'...mediocre.

Don't get me wrong, there are many a 'splosion in this film, and damn fine 'splosions they are. But the films just missing that...warmth. That sense of awe. That edge that makes comic book films so brilliant. This film just doesn't have that. It takes itself so very seriously, and it fails for it. Which is a shame, as there is plenty of campness which could have been mined perfectly, but instead is completely glossed over. Furthermore you just do not care for the characters. Honestly, throughout my viewing of this film I just didn't give a damn if Captain America prevailed. He's just so very boring.

However it's not all bad. Hugo Weaving looks like he's having an absolute blast as the Red Skull. He camps it up with a faux-German accent to a tee. And Hayley Atwell, who plays Agent Peggy Carter as Captain's Love interest, has a wonderful tenacity to her. But it's not enough.

If it's any consolation, it's a million miles better than the god-awful Green Lantern. But it hasn't got a patch on the amazing Thor, or the best superhero film of the year, X-Men: First Class. Oh and it has a teaser for the dribble-inducing Avengers movie after the end credits.

So I guess its unlucky Cap. Better luck next year with Avengers.

6/10

Your bridges are burning down, they're all burning down

2011-07-09T14:45:00.000+01:00

Holy crap! This week we found out jounalism ISN'T squeeky clean!

Not that we ever thought that of course. We're not idiots. Well, except you in the back there. But with the news this week that the News of The World has completely gone off the rails, in a fashion which Charlie Sheen himself has described as, "a bit much"*, I, as well as pretty much most of the people who have read/heard/tweeted, am genuinely shocked.

For those of you that are part of the 1% that are uninformed (or not from the UK), the Sunday tabloid 'News of The World' has been accused of paying private investigator Glenn Mulcaire, to hack into the answering machines and voicemails of the parents of murder victim Milly Dowler. We were all shocked. We knew that tabloid's were not saint-like, but how low COULD they go?

Then, in what can only be described as them saying "challenge accepted!" We found out it wasn't just Milly Dowler's parents. Day by day this week it seemed like the NoTW tried to out-do itself in this how-to-be-a-git-olympics. It was also the families of the July 7th London Bombings. Then it was the families of our dead servicemen and women in Afghanistan and Iraq. I'd say words fail me, but then this would be a pretty short blog. We then found out that it was common practice that NoTW was paying corrupt police officers for information which in turn led to stories. (Good to see that the police watch 'The Shield' too by the way).

Anger! Rage! So who's to blame for all of this?! Glenn Mulcaire? The journalists who paid him?..

...or possibly the two editors-in-chief over the past ten years, Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson? Probably all of the above, but lets look at the editors because personally I feel these are the most culpable in my opinion.

Coulson has already been accused once already for authorising hacking the phones of a smattering of celebrities that nobody cares about earlier this year. So he's clearly knowledgeable of the practices. But it has been argued that he was only carrying on the work of his predeccessor Rebekah Brooks, and I for one agree.

But...PLOT TWIST! Both former editors are claiming that they didn't have a clue that this was going on. They didn't know that P.I's were being paid, with company money, to the tune of £100,000 over x-amount of years, to hack in to people's voicemails to get a story for their journalists.

...What?

How in the hell did they not know about it? It had to be company money, because ask any journalist, they earn sweet FA for their craft. Those editors authorised those payments. Also I have a degree in journalism, and in my three years at university studying the subject, I don't ever once remember taking the module, 'How to siphon thousands of pounds from under your editor's nose without them knowing 101'. I'm no expert (I only got a 2:2), but that just cannot happen.

So what happened next? Well Murdoch jr. (no doubt with orders from daddy Rupert) decided to shut the whole newspaper down. Gone. July 10th is the last edition. No ifs no buts.

I for one am in two minds as to whether this is a good thing. Before you get ready with the pitchforks and screams of "BUT THEY'RE BASTARDS MIKE!" let me say this. The NoTW needed to be punished, and I guess in a way, this is punishing it. However, I feel for all of the journalists who are currently employed there. They are innocent in regards to the phone hacking scandals that have happened in years gone by, because most of the staff there now were not around when all of this depravity was going on.

But the reason I feel most for them is that Rebekah Brooks has been told that her job is safe at News International by Murdoch. The head of this beast gets to survive, yet the people on the ground have been told to clear their desks. That just doesn't sit right with me at all.

So what now? We've been promised a public enquiry after the police undertake their own enquiry into this entire sordid mess. I've heard people say that Brooks and Coulson will get away with it scott-free. And that Murdoch will just fill his now vacant Sunday slot with a Sunday version of NoTW's sister weekly print 'The Sun'.

Who knows? I just hope there is some sort of ramifications for the people involed. But more importantly, that people don't start losing every ounce of faith in journalists. They're not all bad people y'know. Remember, it was journalists from The Guardian that uncovered this wrong-doing in the first place.

I guess we won't know until the fallout has settled, but I for one haven't lost my faith in real journalists. I just hope that everyone else doesn't.

*Disclaimer - I am lying. Duh.