You Deserve The Best

BRIDGING THE COMMUNICATION GAP IN A RELATIONSHIP

2012-06-13T02:55:00.000-07:00

Before we discuss communication gap in a relationship, we need to understand the term relationship.

Relationship can be described as a connection, association, or involvement between two or more persons. It could be an emotional, social, educational, official or spiritual association.

Relationship in this context does not mean an illicit affair therefore this article applies to every one of us as one way or the other; we are involved in a relationship.

Having settled the concept of relationship, we now move on to communication.

Communication is simply the process of imparting or interchanging thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs.

From our definition of communication, it is therefore safe for us to deduce that communication can only occur between two or more people.

To maintain a healthy working relationship in any sphere of life, communication is very important.

Statistics have shown that many relationships especially those with emotional involvements tend to crash because of a gap in communication.

Sometimes in our relationships, we get to talk without communicating. Communication takes place not just when we talk but when the other party hears and understands us.

There are several factors that could cause communication gap in any relationship but we would just look at a few factors that are common in our society today.

v Misplaced Priority

Most People never understand that relationship comes first. We chase other things rather than build strong and healthy relationships. We get it all mixed up and don’t know which should come first and in the process destroy our relationships. Sometimes we chase our career over our relationships forgetting that having the right set of people around you can help build your career but having a good career does not necessarily attract the right set of people to you.

Our relationship with God should come first before any other thing and then our relationship with our spouse, family, friends, pastors, teachers, employers, employees and colleagues can follow before other things.

Mattew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (KJV)

As long as your relationship with God tops your priority list, every other thing will fall into place.

v Attitude

Another factor that affects communication in a relationship is our attitude. Our attitude to life, to the other party (ies) involved and to the relationship as a whole needs to be right to ensure effective communication.

For instance, in an educational setting, no matter how important an issue is, a student will not be free to relate with a teacher who hardly smiles or who is always angry. The same applies to a relationship with emotional involvements. Sometimes we feel like we are being left out of decisions made by people we are involved with or people we love. When this happens, we need to check our attitude because it could be that we have made ourselves unapproachable even without realising it.

Therefore in every relationship, we should engage in regular self examination to make sure our attitude is right.

v Lack of Interest/Spark

This point applies mostly to relationships with emotional involvement. Two people who claim to love each other could experience a gap in communication when one party losses interest in the relationship. A loss of interest slowly leads to withdrawal and when that happens, the other party finds it almost impossible to pass any message across to their partner. This evidently leads to the end of that relationship as no relationship can function without communication.

Some tips that could help us bridge the communication gaps we may be experiencing include:

v Establish the purpose of any relationship you have and set your boundaries

v Treat your partner the way you will like to be treated.

v When you have issues, speak out. Sometimes we expect our partners to look at us and discern what is going on with us but we forget that not everybody has the gift of discernment.

v When you are tired of any relationship, invite the other party (ies) involved and dissolve it amicably rather than quietly withdrawing causing everyone to wonder where they went wrong.

v Make time for your relationship.

In conclusion, I would like us to remember that no man can ultimately survive alone. That is to say building strong and healthy relationships is necessary and to achieve this, the importance of communication cannot be over emphasized.

SETTING GOALS

2011-08-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

The fundamentals of setting a goal is an open secret known by top-caliber sportsmen, successful businessmen and businesswomen and every kind of achievers in all of the different fields. The fundamentals of setting goals give you short-term and long-term incentive and focus. They help you set focus on the purchase of required data and help you to plan and organize your resources and your time so you can get the very best out of your life.

Setting clearly defined short term and long-term goals will enable you to gauge your progress and achieve private satisfaction when you've successfully met your goals. Charting your progress will also allow you to essentially see the stages of completion leading to the actual realization of your goals. This loses the feeling of a long and useless grind towards achieving your goal. Your self confidence and level of competence will also improve as you'll be more conscious of your capabilities as you complete or achieve your goals.

The basics of goal settings will involve deciding what you actually want to do with your personal life and what short term and long term goals you want to realize it. Then you have to break down goals into the smaller and controllable targets that you must complete in your way to achieving your lifetime targets. Once you have your list spend no time in tackling your goals.

A good way to have a controllable list is to have a regular and weekly set of goals. By doing this you'll be always in the position of going towards you life plan goals. Everyday will give you the opportunity to meet a certain goal giving you the sensation of achievement.

Here are some pointers that should be taken into account in defining targets and achieving them.

Attitude plays a very massive role in setting and achieving your goals. You must ask yourself if any piece of you or your mind constraining you towards completing your simplest goals? If there are any piece of your behavior that is being a hindrance or puts your plans into disarray? If you do have problems in these areas then the instant course of action is to handle this problem. Solutions may include a trip to a doctor or psychiatric expert to manipulate your feelings.

Careers are manufactured by good time management practice. Failing in a vocation is often attributed to bad resource allocation. Careers require a lot from an individual which often makes the career the life of the person. Plan how far do you need to go into your career.

Education is essential in realizing your goals. If your goals need you to have a certain kind of degree or require a certain specialization or demand a certain skill to be developed, make plans in getting the right education.

Your folks should never be left out of your plans. If you are only starting then you've got to decide if you would like to be a parent or when you want to be a parent. You also need to know if you actually would be a good parent and how well would you relate to extended family members

Private money eventualities also play a big part in realizing your goals. Have a practical target on how much you want to earn. You also must be in a position to create plans or stages by which you will be in a position to reach your earning potential.

Physically presented people might be able to gain sports related goals like being in the nation's Basketball organization or state football League. Determining your physical capabilities should be one of your concerns. Physical restrictions could however be conquered with correct planning.

As the old chestnut goes -'All work and no play makes Jack a dreary boy,' or something to that effect, is by every means true down to the last the letter. Giving yourself a little pleasure : should be included into your plans. To start achieving your lifetime goals, set 1 / 4 of a century plan, then break it down to 5 year plans then break it down again to 1 year plans, then 6 month plans then monthly plans, then weekly, then daily.

Then create a things-to-do list for the day. Always review your plans and prepare for contingencies. The fundamentals of goal settings should not be so difficult after you get to be acquainted with them.

St Valentines Day: History, Defiance, Popularity

2011-02-14T02:54:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day is a beautiful occasion that speaks of love and romance. All of us want to do something different and special for our loved ones on this day, but it will be nice if we know the real reason for the celebration.

Valentine's Day - the popular festival of love and romances traces its origin to ancient Roman festival and has not been created by card companies as some people believe it to be. There are various legends associated with the festival along with the belief that birds began to mate from this day. Popularity of the Valentine's Day festival stems from the combined effects of all these legends, beliefs and of course the wish to glorify the unparalleled feeling of love.
The pairing of young boys and girls did set the mood of the Valentine's Day Festival as we know today. But it was actually due to the efforts and daring of a priest St Valentine that the festival got its name and clearer meaning.The story goes that during the reign of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in several bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius found it tough to get soldiers and felt the reason was men did not join army because they did not wish to leave their wives and families. As a result Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. A romantic at heart priest of Rome Saint Valentine defied Claudius's unjustified order. Along with Saint Marius, St Valentine secretly married couples. When his defiance was discovered, Valentine was brutally beaten and put to death on February 14, about 270 AD. After his death Valentine was named a Saint.
Valentine's Day festival gradually grew in popularity amongst the masses due to the combined effect of all the above said reasons. To mark the day lovers began to exchange love notes called ‘Valentines' with their sweethearts. In the beginning the trend was to send handmade cards but this was changed in the beginning of 19th century and mass-produced greeting cards caught the fancy of the people. In the course of time, Valentine's day came to be regarded as the festival that celebrates love and not just romantic love. Today, Valentine's Day cards are gifted to teachers, parents, friends, siblings and sweethearts. Popularity of Valentine's Day has spread in countries across the seven continents and is still increasing by the year.

BEAUTY BEYOND DESCRIPTION

2011-01-31T07:50:00.000-08:00

We think that we lack beauty and live in an imperfect world but that is only because we are not seeing correctly.

Beauty is an act of consciousness. It is an appreciation of color and form in the phenomena of experience.

Your form is always beautiful because it has been created with exquisite craftsmanship. Each cell is a celebration of evolutionary genius.

And, if you look beyond your form, to your mind, then you can only feel a sense of awe and wonder.

Your mind can process trillions of bits of information every second. At this very moment, your mind is orchestrating the exchange of oxygen from your bloodstream to your internal organs while your eyes are busy reading these words and your intellect is busy comprehending them.

All human beings are beautiful because each and every one has arisen from the creative genius of pure consciousness.

And the world itself is a living, moving poem, full of wondrous sights, sounds, and myriad impressions.

The saddest thing of all is how little we appreciate any of it.

Sunrises and sunsets are lost on us, the dew in the morning, and the touch of a lover's hands are all wasted on us. We do not see what is before us or feel what is within us because we are preoccupied with things of the utmost foolishness.

Does it really matter what people think of you? Does it really matter if you did not labor diligently enough to collect more papers with pictures of dead presidents on them? Isn't your true prosperity in being yourself and walking on this earth?

All day long, we spend trivializing things of inestimable value and esteeming things of trivial value.

We pride ourselves on being moral but everywhere we are busy committing the deadly sin of disparaging life and beauty, joy and carefree fulfillment.

You are always beautiful, whether you acknowledge it or not, and this beauty has nothing to do with the artificial standards about the best human forms of color, shape, and height. Your beauty is the very act of creation expressing itself as you.

The only thing more wonderful than being alive is being alive as you. What else is needed? Isn't everything else just a footnote to this beauty, the beauty of consciousness experiencing itself?

The most beautiful thing in creation is you. How long must it take before you lift up your head from your passing troubles and notice it?

THE POWER OF PERSONAL GROWTH

2011-01-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

More than ever we are in need of Personal Growth on a global level. We are in dire straits because of a general worldwide lack of knowledge and awareness of what’s possible when we create extraordinary lives for ourselves and each other. We can all contribute to the one world community and make the planet a bet ter place. The norm has been people who spread negative news, promote fast food and pharmaceutical concoctions rather than address the cause of real life issues.

We have been trained, to varying degrees, to obey authority, work hard, and to speak when called on. The educational system instills an early model for learning that conditions our behavior as adults. Some of you may be going through life, day-in and day-out, just working hard, watching TV, eating junk food, and falling into bed at night. You may be living on autopilot rather than directing your energies and living life to its fullest.

Think about it: You are the producer, director, and actor of the movie called your life. To live an outstanding life, which includes doing what you love and being all you can be, you need to be proactive and deliberate on designing your destiny.

Today’s world demands that powerful people step up and take a stand for what’s important. Together we can challenge systems that no longer serve us and create new structures that will be designed more effectively to set us up for success.

The quality of our lives depends on us and how we choose to live. The choices we make ultimately shape our lives and many of us are waking up to this fact. With movies such as What The Bleep Do We Know! and The Secret, people are becoming aware that there is more to life than what meets the eye. The Power of Personal Growth offers you significant awareness and knowledge so you can make empowering choices to positively impact your life.

CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION

2010-12-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

Every year more than 400 million people celebrate Xmas around the world -- that makes Xmas one of the world’s biggest religious and commercial festivities. In approximately year 300 A.D., the birthday of Jesus was determined to be on December 25, the day that has been celebrated from then till this very day. The celebration on the 25th of December starts with Christmas Eve, the evening of December 24.

The religious festival is originally a blend of pagan customs. The Romans held a festival on December 25 called Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, i.e. "the birthday of the unconquered sun.". Pagan Scandinavia celebrated a winter festival called Yule, held in late December to early January. However, it is uncertain exactly why December 25 became associated with the birth of Jesus since the Old Testament doesn’t mention a specific date of the event.

Christmas is both a sacred religious holiday and a worldwide cultural and commercial phenomenon. For two millennial, people around the world have been observing it with traditions and practices that are both religious and secular in nature. Christians celebrate Christmas Day as the anniversary of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, a spiritual leader whose teachings form the basis of their religion. Popular customs include exchanging gifts, decorating Christmas trees, attending church, sharing meals with family and friends and, of course, waiting for Santa Claus to arrive. December 25–Christmas Day–has been a federal holiday in the United States since 1870.

GRATITUDE: a wonderful way of life

2010-11-06T05:00:00.002-07:00

Creating an attitude of is one of the easiest steps we can take to improve our lives. The happiness that we create for ourselves by showing our appreciation has far-reaching effects, both for ourselves and for those we come into contact with. The potential for gratitude to spread beyond those people also increases significantly – it can be highly contagious. There are so many different ways that we can express an attitude of gratitude. Here are just a few:

Say “thank you”. This is the most basic and well-known way to show appreciation to others. Saying “thank you” is a great way to express your gratitude and can be done in several different forms. You can say it in person, over the phone, in a note, or in an email. Using this when it’s least expected can have significant results in lifting someone’s spirits. For example, a quick note to your child’s teacher thanking her for her hard work and patience might give her the boost of energy that she needs right when she needs it most. You may never know what effect this has had on her, but it will have an effect.

Stop complaining about your life. Even as tough as life can be sometimes, remember that there is always that has worse than you do. Constant complaining about what is wrong in your life will keep you focused on that. The opposite is true as well – focusing on what is right in your life will keep you focused on that. Focusing on the negative will bring you down while focusing on the positive will lift you up.

Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have. This is very closely related to not complaining about your life. Being for what you do have keeps you in a positive place, whereas focusing on what you don’t have keeps you in a negative place. Focusing on what you do have, regardless of how or how much that may be, is a great expression of gratitude.

Model your attitude. Modeling your attitude of gratitude is a great way to spread it to others. We’ve all heard the Golden Rule to “treat the way you want to be treated”. Showing your appreciation to others shows them that you like to be treated this way too. An attitude of gratitude can be quite infectious!

Be satisfied with simple things and be mindful of little things. Being grateful for the little things in our lives is just as important (if not, more so) than being grateful for the big things. Our lives are filled with little things every day that we can be grateful for. What about that front row parking spot you found when you were running late? Or the beautiful weather outside? How about the store clerk that went out of her way to help you? This may take a little practice, but there are many little things throughout the day that we can be grateful for if we take the time to notice them.

Give to someone else. This is the best way to spread your gratitude of attitude. There are so many different ways to give to someone else. You could volunteer your time to help those less fortunate or give you time to children by mentoring them. The possibilities are endless but could make a huge difference in someone’s life without you evening knowing it. If they in turn give to someone else, the cycle could continue without end.

Keep a gratitude journal. Let’s just be honest here: there are some days when it is hard to find anything to be grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help with that. There are preprinted journals so you can just fill in the blanks or you can make your own. The important thing is to find at least 5 things each day to be grateful for, no matter how big or small those things are. A gratitude journal can serve two purposes: it will help you stop and remember what you are grateful for or it can serve as inspiration on days when you find it difficult to find anything to be grateful for by reading over past days.

Practice random acts of kindness. This can be one of the most fun and rewarding ways to live a life of gratitude, especially when it’s done anonymously. Surprise someone with something unexpected. You may never know what it meant to them but it will likely make their day. Try putting a note in your child’s lunch or bringing treats to the office to share. Even a small gesture can mean so much to someone.

Living a life of gratitude is one of the easiest ways to live a happier life. It takes very little effort to show someone you appreciate them but will mean so much to them. There are so many ways to make gratitude a part of our life and to spread that attitude to others. Make today the day you start living a life of gratitude and spread your light to the rest of the world!

HOW TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY

2010-10-29T10:05:00.001-07:00

Giving unconditional love requires you to love without any expectations. It seems difficult to only love and not demand in return in today's world where everyone is selfish and egotistic. But even in this world we see many examples of unconditional love, for example the love a mother gives to her child, the love between two life partners and the love bestowed upon siblings. To love you will have to learn to sacrifice your self, your desires, and most importantly your ego. Lets find out how to love unconditionally and give happiness to a without demanding anything in return.

First of all you have to that you are not supposed to expect anything from the person you love. Its true that love makes its way itself. When you love with so much passion and ardor, its sure to come round in one way or another. But if somehow you dont get as much as you give, dont complain or argue. Always keep in mind that loving others and giving them everything you have will make you satisfied and happy with yourself.

You need to develop a strong will power to be able to love unconditionally. At some point in our lives we all demand some kind of love and want to express our own love for someone. Believe in the principle of giving more and demanding less. When asks you for a favor always be ready to give it. Never complain that you dont have enough or you have other tasks to do. Set your priorities in such a way that everyone else comes first and your own demands come last.

When you love somebody unconditionally you want the best for that person. Think positively about them even if they make mistakes or do not return your feelings. Give them sincere advice about their future and other decisions. Always look around for the betterment of your loved ones without any envy on your part. If you have to sacrifice something of your own for them, dont hesitate to do so. Only then you will truly be able to love unconditionally.

Remember that unconditional love is given without any expectations or limitations. You dont define any scope of your love or that how long will you love a person. This is an eternal feeling which should be kept alive in all circumstances and all situations. Never lose hope and keep on loving people who are dear and close to you, only then you will be able to live a completely satisfied and emotionally balanced life.

TRUE LOVE: How to find one

2010-10-05T03:48:00.000-07:00

True love is not to be found at a certain place, at a certain age, or with a certain person. True love is something that is under our control on the giving end, while at the receiving end we must risk everything for the chance of true love.

True love is not the same as feeling in love. Feelings come and go Sleepiness in the morning gives way to hunger in the afternoon. Both feelings disappear with the administration of a coffee and some food. Feeling in love comes and goes as we get what we want (or are deprived of it). It is important for it serves to connect us to another person long enough for us to explore our relationship further. Feeling in love can vanish as quickly as a thief in the night.

True love can only occur with true acceptance. Acceptance involves an intimate knowledge of another. How can we truly love that which we don't truly know? Without intimate knowledge, we will only have our idea of the other. It will be our idea that we accept. It will be our idea that we love and treasure. When we discover the other's core values, beliefs, desires, and history, we may be appalled and demand that the other conform to our idea of how he or she should be. We find that we have an apple and not an orange. But, we cannot make an apple into an orange.

Discovering that we never really knew someone, we discover that we never really loved that person either. There is still a chance for love, but it will require patience, time, and a getting to know someone for the first time--even if you have been together for 20 years. Once you know what before you did not, you cannot return to your previous illusion.

In order to love truly, we must accept another person, but what does that mean? Does that mean we must like everything that he or she does? If that were the case, true love would be impossible even for God. Who is perfect, without blemish, honorable in every way, never having done any wrong or thinking any bad thought? Most of us have fallen far short of even mediocre expectations.

Acceptance means that we know both good and bad about the other and have decided that we will take the good part of that person as well as the bad. It means that we have decided that what we like far outweighs what we don't like. It also means that we will not in any way--in our thoughts, speech, or actions--try to change that part of the other that we don't like.

When we try to change something about another or withhold our love from another because of some characteristic they have, we deem them unacceptable. Most of the time, they will get the message and it will pain them even as it pains us. Most of the things which are unacceptable to us about another are also unacceptable to the other, though through weakness or circumstance they have little power to change it.

How can I love you knowing that you have done such and such? How can I love you as long as you are doing such and such? Well, in point of fact you cannot love until you give up thinking, hoping, wishing, demanding, pleading, or pressuring the other to change that thing in order to become more acceptable to you and thus become more easy to love.

Of course, there are things that we will not be able to ignore, tolerate, or let go of. These are the things that will prevent us from truly loving the other. They must either be changed or we must be willing to live with a partial love, just as we can eat around the bruise on a banana. We will wish we didn't know or couldn't see that blemish in the other. I avoid saying "partner,| because the other may be your parent, your child, or your friend, as well as your lover.

Now you can see that for someone to truly love you, they must truly know you. And that means helping them to truly see you. The more you withhold the less of you they will know and the more they will love their idea of you rather than what you consider to be you. On the other hand, the more you share of yourself, the greater the chance that something about you will be unacceptable to them. If it is something that you can change, then there is hope. If it is something they can truly let go of, then there is hope. But, if they cannot let go of it in their mind, then it will dilute their love for you. They will be like the child who knows there is no monster under the bed but who is afraid to look--secure only as long as they can avoid thinking about the monster.

How many people in this world have true love? Is it really possible for a human to know everything about another? If they could, how could they possibly accept those things? Perhaps the way out of this dilemma is to share enough of ourselves that we are content the other person knows the essential us. Although we have done many things in the past, we have changed. Maybe some of those things that we did years ago are no longer a reflection of who we truly are now. When we forgive ourselves, those things need to be dropped in a mental ocean or we will become unacceptable to ourselves.

We must also not demand that the other share everything in order that we can carefully examine and scrutinize. We must be willing to forgive even without knowing, because if we knew then some things we could not forget. God forgives and forgets, but we are handicapped in not being able to forget. If the other has done something or you have done something that is in the past and no longer is a reflection of current self, then leave it in the past.

True love, then, takes time, sharing (of our essential selves), withholding of that which is negative and irrelevant, and acceptance. We must share at the risk of being rejected and we must get to know the other at the risk of losing our illusions.

Most importantly, true love is not at the whim of fate. It rests in the decisions that we make. Some people will never have it because of their decision to withhold their essential self or because of their demand that the other be something they are not. We must risk looking at the monster under the bed and make peace with it.

NIGERIANS:Our present decisions and habits can change our past errors

2010-10-01T01:19:00.000-07:00

Habit is the tendency to behave in particular way or do a particular thing regularly are repeatedly over a long period of time.
Basically, your habit describes your personality as such it is the habit that you have imbibed that will show the stuff you are made of, or better still the fruit you bear in life.
Friends there is no doubt that your habit determines the kind of destiny you have to enjoy. Habits can be good or bad. However your habit is a determinant factor in what you become in life hence this calls for us to concertedly address our character failure now.
Wrong habit whether in our private life, national service or in our political life as a nation have been keeping us from growing any further no matter how we pretend? It is evident that the reason thing are the way they are is due to wrong habits of a people who call themselves good ambassadors in Nigeria. The consequences of grabbing bad habits are costly.
It is the time to watch the moral lapses inherent in our society as the real problem both the religious and government institutions should address.

For me, such problems as bribery, kick backs, diversion of public funds, lateness to function or not even keeping to appointment, influence peddling, bribery, fraud, drug peddling, gangsterism, mafia deals, lusting, stealing, robbery, impatience, additions and uncontrollable immoral burning desires, such habits that seek to promote inducements before services to another must be condemned and we must seize to ask for gratifications before we render legitimate services that we are constitutionally employed to do, take root from wrong habit.

The very implications of running a society with bad moral on its own has also kept a lot of people from taking possession of what belongs to us, no matter the effort given the huge human resources and the surplus natural endowment we are blessed with as a nation.
It is not needless to trumpet that great nations have only been built on the platform of good and great habits. So the truth is, your habit describes the original of you. Looking at the scripture, the Bible says that “as a man thinketh so is he” . therefore, you cannot have a bad habit of corruption and laziness but yet expect to get an excellent result at the end. This too is impossible. Nigerians today cannot have leaders who lack the habit and courage to confront negative vices and overcome immorality in public services.

Please, our wrong habits have not been doing us any good and we all know, so why we continue to run a negative life of service to to our country? To posterity it gives no hope, to our present day youths, it leaves a gloomy future for us.

There is a whole lot of good habits as well as there are a whole lot of bad habits. But the good thing is that if you want to get to your promised land of joy, peace, happiness, plenty etc. there is every need for you to develop a consciously but transformed habit which will correct and substitute for the wrong habits you have grown up with that are also sinful before God.
Better habits have the capacity to bring transformation to out country as a nation if at all we can achieve the vision 2020 , or even the millennium development goal, we cannot succeed nationally without working on our habits, particularly in the discharge of our duties to our mother-land. No doubt good habits have helped some leaders to access their place in destiny and also contribute to great development in their nations and careers.
I disagreed that your old habits can be over by merely wishing it, and dropping them and remains empty. Not at all, you must definitely take the extra step to replacing your old habits with new habits to be totally set free.

Let me now say that for us in Nigeria we have kept rendering very wrong stewardship to our count, no matter our placement. And this is based on wrong habits learn t. We have kept withdrawing from our national moral account and this is too far becoming a way of life.
Friends, I tell you, we can comfortably say based on the definition above, our habits when positive has the tendency to promote us to the place of positive heights while bad habits no doubt will lead us to the place of struggles and failure, such a place that we are today.
Therefore in the interest of Your country Nigeria, for the sake of the plan of God for our life and the real purpose of this writing, what morality in the nation is encouraging you to do now is to cultivate those good habits that will help you to actualize destiny and overcome corruption in this land.

I want to agree without any prejudice that we can change from what ever habit we have formed that is holding us from rising up. You can change and come out of it now if you wish to do so. Habitual studies proven that you can break loose from any habit in just twenty one days if only you will feed your life and thirst with the positive habits that are good and holy.

MEN AND WOMEN: are they different?

2010-09-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

Many people are of the opinion that men and women are the same when it comes to character and personality. But they are wrong. What they do not understand is men and women were made different physically as well as emotionally. Women may have equal understanding as men, but most of the time they do not think that deeply to draw a conclusion or solve a problem the way a man solves it. In order to resolve issues, especially issues related to relationships, one has to be clear about the differences between men and women and then act accordingly.

First and foremost, the difference between men and women is their way of problem solving. Their thought process is entirely different when it comes to household issues, and therefore they both propose different solutions to the same problem. Men usually do not consider a lot of issues as problems, whereas women take almost everything that causes tension and uproar in the house as trouble which if not solved correctly will lead to more difficulties and more tensions. Men have to understand regarding this matter and let their partners happily go about solving small household issues.

Men and women also differ in their approach to communication. Men are usually secretive about their inner thoughts and feelings and most of the time they like to resolve their problems internally rather than discussing them with their partner. Women on the other hand are more open and want to discuss each and every problem that comes up with their partner. They want to lighten their burden by doing so and for that matter they expect the man in their life to be an active listener and a good advisor. Men have no such expectations from their partner.

Sensitivity is another area where men and women differ from each other. It is a universally known fact that women are much more sensitive than men. A woman needs an outlet for her emotions. Most of the time she calms her senses through tears. Men are sensitive too, but they do not like to show the world their weaker side. They hide their feelings well behind that faqade of physical superiority. Women are sometimes ignorant of the fact that men also need condolence and sympathy at times, but the difference is that they do not ask for it. In this matter, women need to be very careful in order to make a relationship successful and they should understand their partners emotions and accordingly react to them.

Men have a sharper memory than women but their areas of focus are entirely different than what women perceive of them. They remember the directions, locations and the names and addresses of important associates etc. Women on the other hand tend to remember special events connected with emotions. They remember when an event took place, how well a person was dressed up, where to find a missing object and so on. Men consider these things useless and easily forgotten. Here both parties have to accept the difference between their ability to remember and therefore forgive each other for not remembering an event or a person that was important to either one of them.

In order to ensure a healthy relationship one has to keep in mind the fact that men and women were not made equal. They both have different attributes which when combined will lead any relationship to its success. So do not overlook your partners priorities and at the same time fulfill your own duties whole-heartedly. Only then you will be able to live a happy and fruitful life.

HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

2010-09-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

Your relationship is important to you. You don't want to lose it over something simple. There are a few things that you should do to keep it going well. Whether you are a typical guy that is prone to forget or if you are a busy girl with lots on your mind, there are a few things that everyone should make sure they remember in order to insure a happy relationship.

* Do you have a tendency to forget birthdays? There can be nothing worse than forgetting your loved one's birthday. This should be a day that you plan for so that you can insure that your loved one knows that you are thinking of them. Relationships need this!
* Your relationship is also in jeopardy if you fail to remember your anniversary. Let's face it, if you can't remember this day then you are in a lot of trouble!
* Other things that you may need to remember include major holidays especially those that are centered on love such as Valentine's Day. Don't forget to think about him during these times! Don't forget to plan a special day for her as well.
* In a lot of relationships it is also important to remember at least a few of those first. For example, your first date and the day you both first met are often considered important events. Perhaps the day that he proposed is also important.

So, now that you know which things you simply should not forget in your relationship, how will you go about remembering them? Don't rely on your memory to recall these dates. And, don't assume he or she will bring it up to remind you either. It could be a test! Instead, take a few minutes to either jot down the information in your planner. Keeping track of these important dates will keep you on the good side of your relationship!

How to Make Friends Easily

2010-09-23T06:46:00.001-07:00

Everywhere you are, be it in an unfamiliar town, a new church, a new school, even on the road, meeting with people and making friends out of them is something so many people shy away from. But right here I have a couple of tips to help turn your world from a lonely island to a crowded city.
1. Be confident
Most people are often lonely, not because they are not attractive or they have one problem or the other, but simply because they are shy or afraid. The simple truth is the average human being wants to make friends, (and that goes for yourself too). One policy I adopt is to ask first, never assume what the other person is thinking; find out first. And that takes some level of courage.
2. Offer a compliment
There is always something good about everyone you meet. And everybody likes to be appreciated. So to get someone's attention I'll suggest you offer a compliment. It serves as an ego booster (everyone loves an ego boost) and it is a sure way of establishing a connection and of course a rapport. May I also say that you should be truthful about your compliments. Don't flatter; compliment. No matter how small, it will be appreciated.
3. Listen more, talk less
Truth is, everyone is more interested in themselves than in other people, hell, that's the reason you decided to make friends in the first place. So when you try to make a conversation with someone, listen more and talk less. Assure the person that you are listening by good eye contact, affirmations and clever questions. With this you even get to discern what kind of person he or she is. After this it is safe to ask for a phone number and plan to hang out.
4. Pay attention (No technology)
We just talked about getting a phone number, see, most people are always preoccupied with their devices which may be phones, iPods and the works. This is a no-no, it's a connection blocker. Pay more attention to your immediate surroundings, you will be amazed at who you will notice and who will notice you.
5. Be happy
Everyone has enough problems (even you). Try not to bug others with your issues by putting on a long face. It drives people away. See, even if you make the move, your expression alone can put people on the defensive and no matter how hard you try you may not make headway. Add humor to your lifestyle and you will attract people.
6. Associate yourself with a movement or club
This is also important. Some people live what I'll like to call a "triangular life"; home to school or work to church and back home. That's not nice. Join one group or the other, it gives you a chance to mingle with people of your type. You will always have something to talk about.
7. Don't be idle, do something
This is important in so many ways. These days' people like to be around people who have something they are doing. You could get a job, make some money. Besides what's the use of having a girlfriend when you cannot spend some money on her. Beside you meet people any where there is work going on, so you keep making friend no matter what.
8. Go do it
You'll be at the same level you were if you don't make a move. Consciously make the effort to go out there and make friends from today. You can start by giving yourself a target number every day. Before you know, it will become a lifestyle.
Well, happy making friends.

AM I IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

2010-09-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

It Feels Like Love - But Is It?

Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you — and who thinks you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz.
It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these seven qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

2010-09-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

SPEECH BY PRESIDENT GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN DECLARING HIS CANDIDACY FOR THE PDP PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES

by Goodluck Jonathan on Saturday, 18 September 2010 at 15:32

SPEECH BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA, DR. GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN, GCFR, ON THE OCCASION OF THE DECLARATION OF HIS CANDIDACY FOR THE PDP PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES, TODAY 18TH SEPTEMBER, 2010.

PROTOCOL

Forty months ago my predecessor in office and I embarked on a joint ticket in the governance of our great country, Nigeria. Sadly, he passed away on the 5th of May 2010.

MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE, AMEN.

With the death of President Umaru Musa Yar'Adua, the mantle of leadership of our great nation fell on me. However, the days leading to my presidency were very trying times for our nation. We confronted those moments and their challenges to national security with patriotism and care. I appreciate the role played by the National Assembly, Governors, Civil Society groups, the mass media, and other patriotic Nigerians.

The late President Yar'Adua and I shared great dreams for our country. We toiled together to realize those dreams in order to justify the confidence Nigerians reposed in us. Together we swore to execute a joint mandate and today I come before you to make a pronouncement based on that undertaking.

The past four months that I have served as President of Nigeria have opened my eyes to the vast potentials of this office as a potent instrument for the transformation of our country. I discovered that by sheer willpower, I could end the long queues and price fluctuations in our petrol stations. Today, all our refineries are working, saving us huge amounts of funds spent on importation of petroleum products.

I discovered that by insisting that the right things be done, we could begin a turnaround in our power sector by involving the private sector in power generation and distribution. As you can see from the lower quantities of diesel that you are buying today, power generation has significantly improved.

I have put in place new gas policies and very soon, we will be saying goodbye to gas flaring in our oil fields. Working with the National Assembly, we rolled out a law that requires companies operating in the oil and gas sectors of our economy to utilize an appreciable percentage of their goods and services from local sources. We saw to it that normalcy began to return to the Niger Delta by ensuring government's fidelity to its promises, and this has helped to stabilize our national revenue.

In the last few months, I embarked on monumental projects in our road infrastructure to end the carnage on our federal highways. I began several projects to make our water resources available for drinking and farming. I targeted our educational system to return quality and competitiveness to them. I re-addressed our drive for self sufficiency in food production. I have taken bold steps to confront our security situation. In this regard, we are pursuing the revision of our laws to be more responsive to international conventions and more punitive to criminals.

I set the stage for free and fair elections by constituting an electoral commission comprising of Nigerians with impeccable credentials for firmness and incorruptibility. I charged our anti corruption agencies to speed up the war against corruption, and respect no sacred cows in the process. In the management of the economy, I advocated a more transparent banking industry, price stability, low inflation, and aggregate increase in productivity as a way to drive us to a more prosperous economy. In International Relations, I advanced the respectability accorded our country by effective engagement in global fora.

From the moment I was sworn in as President, I came under intense pressure to make a declaration concerning my political future, but declined to do so because it would have immediately distracted us from all the development initiatives we have accomplished so far.

As President and leader of this government, I decided not to place partisan politics above the immediate needs and priorities of our people. I therefore told Nigerians to give me time to concentrate on my work, and that at the appropriate time, I would make a public statement on my political future after widespread consultations.

Those consultations have now been concluded. The Independent National Electoral Commission has recently announced a time table for the 2011 general elections in the country. My party, the Peoples Democratic Party, has also published a timetable for its primaries.

In the circumstances and after a thorough self examination and prayers with my family, I, Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan have decided to humbly offer myself as a candidate in the Presidential Primaries of our great party, the Peoples Democratic Party, in order to stand for the 2011 Presidential elections. I pledge once again to all the people of this nation that they will have a free and fair election, even as I stand to be a candidate. In this race, I have the honour to have as my running mate, Architect Namadi Sambo, the Vice President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Our country is at the threshold of a new era; an era that beckons for a new kind of leadership; a leadership that is uncontaminated by the prejudices of the past; a leadership committed to change; a leadership that reinvents government, to solve the everyday problems that confront the average Nigerian.

I was not born rich, and in my youth, I never imagined that I would be where I am today, but not once did I ever give up. Not once did I imagine that a child from Otuoke, a small village in the Niger Delta, will one day rise to the position of President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. I was raised by my mother and father with just enough money to meet our daily needs.

In my early days in school, I had no shoes, no school bags. I carried my books in my hands but never despaired; no car to take me to school but I never despaired. There were days I had only one meal but I never despaired. I walked miles and crossed rivers to school every day but I never despaired. Didn't have power, didn't have generators, studied with lanterns but I never despaired.

In spite of these, I finished secondary school, attended the University of Port Harcourt, and now hold a doctorate degree.

Fellow Nigerians, if I could make it, you too can make it!

My story is the story of a young Nigerian whose access to education opened up vast opportunities that enabled me to attain my present position. As I travel up and down our country, I see a nation blessed by God with rich agricultural and mineral resources and an enterprising people. I see millions of Nigerians whose potentials for greatness are constrained by the lack of basic infrastructure.

I see Nigerians who can make a difference in the service of their country but are disadvantaged by the lack of opportunities.

My story symbolizes my dream for Nigeria. The dream that any Nigerian child from Kaura- Namoda to Duke town; from Potiskum to Nsukka, from Isale-Eko to Gboko will be able to realize his God-given potentials, unhindered by tribe or religion and unrestricted by improvised political inhibitions. My story holds out the promise of a new Nigeria. A Nigeria built on the virtues of love and respect for one another, on unity, on industry, on hardwork and on good governance.

My fellow Nigerians, this is what has brought me to Eagle Square today. I have come to say to all of you, that Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan is the man you need to put Nigeria right. I have come to launch a campaign of ideas, not one of calumny. I have come to preach love, not hate. I have come to break you away from divisive tendencies of the past which have slowed our drive to true nationhood. I have no enemies to fight. You are all my friends and we share a common destiny.

Let the word go out from this Eagle Square that Jonathan as President in 2011 will herald a new era of transformation of our country; an era that will end the agony of power shortage in our country. Let the word go out from here that I will be for the students, teachers and parents of Nigeria, a President who will advance quality and competitive education. Let everyone in this country hear that I shall strive to the best of my ability to attain self sufficiency in food production.

Let the word go out that my plans for a Sovereign Wealth Fund with an initial capital of $1billion will begin the journey for an economic restoration. This restoration will provide new job opportunities and alleviate poverty. Let the word go out that our health sector will receive maximum priority in a new Jonathan administration, a priority that will ensure maximum health care and stop our brain drain.

Let all the kidnappers, criminal elements, and miscreants that give us a bad name be ready for the fight that I shall give them. Let the ordinary Nigerian be assured that President Jonathan will have zero tolerance for corruption. Let the international community hear that today I have offered myself to lead a country that will engage them in mutual respect and cooperation for the achievement of international peace and understanding.

To help me in these tasks effectively, I will re-train, revamp, and motivate the civil service.

My dear good people of Nigeria, I got here today by the power of God and the support of all Nigerians; all ethnic groups, North, South, East and West. I am here today because of your support and prayers. I want all of you to know that I am one of you and I will never let you down! I want you to know that I will keep hope alive; I want you to know that your time has come.

I stand before you today, humbly seeking your support for me, Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan, to run for the office of the President of Nigeria with Architect Namadi Sambo as my running mate.

We will fight for JUSTICE!

We will fight for all Nigerians to have access to POWER!

We will fight for qualitative and competitive EDUCATION!

We will fight for HEALTH CARE REFORMS!

We will fight to create jobs, for all Nigerians!

We will fight corruption!

We will fight to protect all Citizens!

We will fight for your rights!

My dear country men and women, give me your support, give me your votes and together we will fight to build a great nation of our dreams!

I cannot end this speech without thanking you all for attending this occasion. Your huge attendance is a loud testimony of your support for us. For this I am very grateful. I pray that the Almighty God abides with you and sees you safely back to your respective destinations.

When you return, tell all those at home that as we celebrate our fifty years anniversary as a nation, Goodluck has come to transform Nigeria and I will never let you down.

Thank You.

May God Bless you all!

And may God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria!!

- GOODLUCK EBELE AZIKIWE JONATHAN, GCFR.

LOVE: an action and a feeling

2010-08-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Love is both an action and a feeling. The action of love generates a blissful feeling called by the same name. When the action stops, the blissful feeling is replaced with pain. Every person is capable of great love (and its opposite, fear, which generates all painful emotions such as hate, greed and jealousy).

While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (or even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

Steps

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6. Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.

Tips

*
It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.

KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL LIVING

2010-07-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Friends, success is everyone's desire, but not everyone know the ways to live successfully. I therefore suggest these keys for you to continually live successfully.

1.Know How To Be Happy: If you don’t know the ingredients of a complicated recipe, I’d suggest that you find them before you start cracking open eggs. If you are unable to be happy right where you are (not necessarily satisfied, but happy), than you will have a hard time reaching your goals. Distraction is one of our greatest deterrents to success and few things take away our focus more than being unhappy.
2.Know How To Motivate Yourself: No one is going to push you harder or more effectively than yourself. It is up to us to light our own internal fires and push ahead with vigor. We need to know the ins and outs of our deepest desires, the triggers to our forward motion. Dreams are made and goals are set, but with out proper self-motivation, we’re dead in the water.
3.Know how to love and be loved: We assume that because we have feelings, we know how to enjoy a healthy relationship, but anyone who has enjoyed a successful one, knows it’s a lot of hard work. If we are unable to enjoy those around us, how can we consider ourselves a success. There are many millionaire misers out there who are no more successful than a homeless person sleeping on the streets.
4.Know that the steps to success come one at a time: In this hectic 21st century society, it is so easy to be deceived into thinking that taking on the World has to happen all at once. The fact is, this mentality does nothing more than overload us with busyness. To be successful we need to be efficient in our pursuit of goals and a deluge of to-dos is not going to get us there.
5.Know the value of JUST ENOUGH: John never knew exactly what he wanted. All he knew was that he never had it. Bill, on the other hand, always new his sweet spot in life and rarely wandered far from this place. Being successful in life isn’t about how much we have, but how close we are to having JUST ENOUGH.
6.Know how to deal with negative feedback: Whether it be constructive criticism or hateful slander, we can be assured that our road to success will be bumpy as we endure the blows of those around us. We can’t afford to be unprepared. Motivation turns into momentum, but improperly filtered feedback will stop us dead in our tracks.
7.Know how to relax: As important as motivation, rejuvenation is certainly a key to success. Knowing how to get a good night’s sleep as well as reaching a relaxed state in the heart of a stressful situation is crucial for both current satisfaction and future destination.
8.Know how to get out of your comfort zone: One of the greatest deterrents for success is our inability to breach the boundaries of our comfort zones. Fear of the unknown, coupled with a soft, un-calloused psyche, we see no other option, but to stagnate.
9.Know how to avoid self-destructing: We often have the perfect plan in our heads as we start our journey of success. We base our future actions on what we believe is right around the corner. But what happens when things go much differently? How do we react when stage 2 can’t happen because stage 1 took us in a different direction? We must remain flexible and ready to adjust our course when necessary. We can’t control life, but we can control our reaction to it.
10.Know that it’s never to late to change your life: Whether we’ve been stuck in a hole all our lives or have just recently fallen into one, there’s no time like the present to dig ourselves out and make the move toward our own brand of success. To know how to be successful is to know that tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day.