you'd be so pretty if...

Whose Picture Is On Your Mental Refrigerator?

2012-01-08T16:17:37-08:00

The year 2012 officially marks five years since my very public weight loss as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist. I wish I could tell you that I've easily kept off all the pounds I worked so hard to lose. But that wouldn't be true.

Head over to Psychology Today to read the rest of this post.

Are You a Hot (Sweaty) Mama? Here's Why You Should Be...

2011-12-16T03:00:00-08:00

Today's guest post comes from Laurie Lethert Kocanda, who with her co-author, Kara Douglass Thom, has written a new book called Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life As a Fit Mom. Here, Kocanda focuses on a couple of subjects that are near and dear to my heart -- the myth that we can be "perfect" (whether it's our bodies or our parenting skills) and the importance of creating the time and space in our lives to be a good example to our kids. Read on for some great advice and food for thought from Kocanda and Thom...

Goodbye, Mother Guilt

The secret to staying committed is letting go
By Laurie Lethert Kocanda

If you're like most moms, it takes more than good intentions to stay committed a fitness routine. Don't let that occasional cookie get you down. What's really standing in your way is an overdose of something much more toxic: Mother Guilt.

Overcoming Mother Guilt -- maybe just locking her in the closet for an hour at a time -- is essential if you want to carve out time to get fit. First you need to free up a little mental space so you are strong enough to make the appropriate compromises.

Lose the Preconceptions and Misconceptions
Start by identifying your preconceptions of motherhood; you'll probably realize what you thought were parenting no-no's might actually have a place in your life. For example, maybe it's not so bad to let your kids watch television if it means you can jump on the treadmill or tune into FitTV for an hour. Junk food might be okay if it gets your kids into the jogging stroller. Perhaps you can miss a soccer practice to go for a quick power walk or run. The point is to challenge what you've accepted as parenting truths and get realistic about what life is really like.

Take Inventory
Take some time to write down what's important to you, what values you want to impart on your children (hopefully health and fitness are near the top of the list). Then, take inventory of one or two typical days and see where you're actually spending your time. Like it or not, top entries for your day translate into your top priorities. Work to make health and fitness an actual, not just perceived, priority. Then, remember who is watching because, like it or not, we lead by example.

Protect Your Priorities
Once you've established what your actual priorities are, it's easier to fight to protect them. Allocating the right amount of time to each of your priorities leads to a certain type of contentment; the alternatives are resentment and (you guessed it) guilt. Saying "no" to something that isn't a priority starts to feel good when you use the time freed to attend to something that is. You've likely fine-tuned your ability to say "no" walking the aisles of Target with your kids. It's time to put those skills to good use and clear a little clutter from your life.

Remember it's a Balancing Act
Learning to say "no" is important because sometimes we have to say it to something that is a priority -- including fitness. When life throws you a curve ball, make a decision on how you will react. If fitness doesn't fit in during a particularly hard week, let it go. In making that decision, you stay in control -- there is no resentment, no anger, no feeling like the victim. Keep those priorities in check and realize it's okay to experience temporary imbalances. Sooner or later, you'll find equilibrium again and your fitness will return.

If you've had a hard time maintaining a regular fitness routine in the past, try focusing some attention on the mental components first. Physical fitness requires mental training; knock Mother Guilt out of the picture and the possibilities are endless.

Guest post courtesy of Laurie Kocanda and Kara Douglass Thom, co-authors of Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom.

Watch Your Language (And Your T-shirts!)

2011-11-07T10:33:47-08:00

Today, author and colleague Laura Laing stops by with a great take on why it's so important to monitor the messages we send to our kids. Read on...and thanks, Laura!

I was a great high school student. I did well in all of my classes (Okay, so I did fail band that one grading period because I didn’t turn in my practice sheets.). I was a responsible and eager student. But there was one subject that was a challenge for me: French.

I tried. I really did. But for whatever reason, the most romantic of all of the romance languages did not come easy. I had good teachers. I studied. I paid attention in class. But the best I could do was a low B — and that was with a lot of hard work.

Still, I didn’t have a t-shirt that read, “French Phobic.” I’ve never heard of a Barbie doll that says, “French is Hard!”

So what’s the deal with math?

Math is hard. But so is writing, reading, playing an instrument, painting, soccer, woodshop and, yes, French. In fact, if teachers and coaches are doing their jobs, students will feel challenged — which can bring up a variety of other feelings, from frustration to enthusiasm.

But often when kids — especially girls — are frustrated with their math homework, parents throw up their hands in frustration, instead of offering encouragement. Whether we buy into the myths that girls aren’t good at math or that our kids just don’t have the “math gene” or that the math they’re learning isn’t useful at all, we inadvertently send messages to our daughters that what they’re learning is a waste of time — and worse, they aren’t capable anyway.

Recently, the blogosphere got worked up into a lather, after teen clothing retailer Forever 21 began selling cute little jerseys that read: Allergic to Algebra. The response was so strong that the shirts disappeared virtually overnight.

This was on the heels of JC Penney’s misguided attempt at humor with their take on “girls are dumb” shirts that said: I’m too pretty for homework, so my brother has to do it for me. Back-to-school attire was controversial — again.

Like many people, I wondered how those messages got through the many layers of decision-making that must go into these purchases. Was there not a single mother or female math geek who said, “This is not a good idea?”

Math-as-gender-warfare isn’t new to products aimed at the younger set. In 1992, Mattel suffered backlash from its Teen Talk Barbie, which sadly opined, “Math class is tough.” Too tough for girls, anyway.

We parents of young girls constantly face body image questions and concerns. Are we sending the wrong messages about the way they look? Do we allow the media to set the standards for beauty? Or do we take charge and encourage pride and confidence?

The same goes for intellect, and given these t-shirts, the battle is still raging. If your daughter does not feel confident in her math abilities, you have some work to do.

Lie if you have to. Or at least omit the truth. Quit saying that you’re not good at math. It’s important to keep your own body-issue feelings to yourself, and it’s critical not to be cavalier about your own lack of confidence in math.
Show your daughter that you are willing to do math in your everyday life. Don’t pass the restaurant check to someone else each time it needs to be split. Let your daughter in on how you budget your money or use math in your hobbies.
Offer encouragement rather than only sympathy. If your daughter has good teachers, she’s being challenged at school. Continue that challenge at home. Don’t do assignments for her; partner with her teachers, instead of being an adversary.

Poor body image can be deadly for young girls. Lack of confidence in math is also harmful. And we parents have to take charge.

Laura Laing is the author of Math for Grownups.

Sexy Halloween Costumes for Girls?

2011-10-21T04:44:56-07:00

Does your daughter want a sexy costume this year? Are you saying yes? My take on Halloween, sexiness and young girls at Psychology Today.

Mum's the Word on Body Criticism

2011-10-10T09:46:41-07:00

Today, I'm blogging about a new body image study and why if you can't say something nice about your body, you shouldn't say anything at all at Psychology Today.

I Ask: Do We Really Need to Introduce 'Dieting' to Four-Year-Olds?

2011-08-31T16:10:55-07:00

A new children's book is sparking a bit of outrage in the blogosphere. I haven't read it, but here's what I think about the concept.

Body Image: Can She Be Happy Looking Like That?

2011-08-17T17:26:31-07:00

Have you been following the buzz on Jess Weiner's piece in Glamour magazine? The flurry of responses in the blogosphere inspired this post at Psychology Today.

What the Dog Taught Me About Body Image

2011-08-03T17:30:37-07:00

You can learn a lot about body image from...your dog. Here's what mine taught me.

To Hell With That: Why Being Too 'Ladylike' Can Be Bad For Your Body Image

2011-07-25T16:53:33-07:00

Are you too concerned with being nice, accommodating others and being seen as ladylike? Here's why you might be hurting your body image.

When It's Time To Change...You Have to Let It Happen

2011-07-18T05:11:48-07:00

Change is tough, but sometimes, the toughest part is giving ourselves permission to be different. Check out today's post on change at Psychology Today.