This is an email exchange I recently had with a reader of the site. As you can tell from the headline and the picture to the left, he recently decided to shave his head. He was going bald and finally decided that he was going to own up to it. I found his words particularly inspiring and motivating and I think you will get a lot out of them if you are also struggling with hair loss.

Hi again Phil,

Your blog definitely helped as I sought inspiration from yourself as well as those inspirational bald celebrities like Daughtry, Justin Masterson and even The Rock who all embraced their hairloss and never lost their confidence. I realise it’s still early days yet but I feel relieved, happy and excited about this new journey.

Hey *****,

Great to hear from you and I can’t tell you how happy I am reading your email. To be honest, I actually think you look better with the shaved head! Of course, the most important thing is how you feel about yourself. Your words capture exactly how I felt after I shaved my head the first time. And believe me I passed many barbershops before I finally bit the bullet. But once I did it, I felt liberated in a way that was previously unimaginable to me. I would definitely recommend staying committed to it and letting yourself really grow into the look. It took me a little while to get fully comfortable with it. Feel free to email me whenever and let’s stay in touch.

Cheers,
Phil

Hey Phil

I’ll definitely be in touch with progress but for now I feel like a new man who is not going to let my hairloss defeat me. I can only hope I can help someone else out one day.

I think this reader will indeed help someone else. I can talk all I want on this site about how shaving my head has helped me conquer my hair loss, but it looks a bit thin if I’m the only one saying it. This letter reinforces many of the things I have been saying in previous posts and hopefully it helps guys understand that there is in fact life after male pattern baldness, and that yes you can adjust and even appreciate a new look and lifestyle.

For the record, despite the red hair, that’s not me. I did have a thick head of hair at one point, but nothing so impressive.

At the end of February 2011, I launched this blog with a post attacking Rogaine and their maddening advertisements, which translate to “you will be miserable if you don’t have those thick locks” (you can read it here).

While I don’t write as often as I used to, the site lives on and – hopefully – it continues to have a positive impact on guys dealing with male pattern baldness.

Part of the reason I don’t write as much is because I feel that I’ve made my point. If not on the site, then in the ebook, which is nearly 75 pages. That said, there is always more to write about. There are things to respond to, progress (or the lack of it) to report on and new ways to build confidence.

Over the past two years, the blog has been visited over 100,000 times. Several hundred people are subscribed to the email list and close to 500 people have bought the ebook. It’s true that I make money off of the site, but it’s not my primary source of income and I feel good about offering what I think is a very reasonably priced resource that will help guys get over hair loss.

I think another reason I have spent less time writing on the site is that I just don’t spend that much time thinking about this stuff anymore. When I first starting losing my hair, I never thought I would be able to come to terms with it. Male pattern baldness consumed me. Couldn’t stop thinking about it. Couldn’t stop looking at my hairline in the mirror. I denied it before I fought it. Then I entered a straight malaise and simply tried to hide it.

Finally, on a trip to West Africa, I threw my hands up and said “what the hell.” I should have paid that barber more than the 300 cfa (60 cents) he charged. Unknowingly, he liberated me from years of anxiety and depression.

That was back in 2010. I’m still spending most of my time in this region. I have a girlfriend here, along with a business and a lot of other interests (mainly concerning music and dance). To be honest, most days, I’m completely unaware of the fact that I’m a bald guy. It just doesn’t register anymore, and when it does, it’s usually a positive reflection. For example, rain cooling my scalp or the feeling after a trip to the barber when I run my head over my head and can’t help but smile.

The point is that you can get over hair loss. If you’ve been following this blog from the beginning, hopefully you’ve come to that conclusion yourself. But I know others remain unconvinced, which means I have more work to do. Looking forward to the challenge, but also looking forward to the day when this blog is no longer needed.

Until then, expect more posts, more emails, more encouragement and motivation, and more ways that you can become confident and comfortable in your own skin.

Photo credit: http://www.nostalgiaholic.com/wp/353/the-haircut-hall-o-shame/

Body language is the kind of the thing that people don’t think about it. You’re not conscious of the fact that, when you are looking at someone, you are reading their body language on a subconscious level. Whether you think about it or not, every time you interact with someone, your mind is analyzing that persons’ gestures, posture, and movements.

I got a lesson in this subconscious analysis when I was teaching middle school. Middle school students are incredibly crafty creatures. On the first day of school, you have no idea what lies in store for you. The kids are well behaved. They listen. They cooperate. But after a few days, they start to poke at you. They test you in an effort to find your weaknesses. If you are prepared for it, you can maintain order in your classroom. If you are unprepared, on the other hand, all hell will break loose.

One of the easiest ways to lose ground in the classroom is by exhibiting weak body language. If you are slouching and looking down; if your jaw is clenched; if you talk to someone at a strange angle instead of squaring your shoulders with them. All of this exhibits weakness. It sends the message that you are not in control of the situation. In effect, you are at the mercy of the situation.

The psychology lessons you learn in a middle school classroom are valuable in the adult world. We make the same readings about body language, whether we know it or not. Given the importance of self-confidence, it is imperative that you heed these lessons regarding body language. You may think you are confident and you may say all the right things, but if your body language betrays the message, you won’t get very far. With that in mind, here are a few body language tips that you can start working on immediately.

1. Practice good posture. Keep your back straight. Don’t slouch. Make it a habit to monitor this throughout the day. An adjustment period may be required, but if you put in consistent effort, you can make the change.

2. Look people in the eye. If someone is talking to you, square up to them and look them in the eye. If you are looking at the ground or staring off in the distance, it suggests that you are detached from the situation, rather than in control of it.

3. Keep your head level when you walk. Just as staring at the ground during a conversation is a bad idea, so is walking with your head down. It gives off the impression that you are uncertain and nervous.

4. Don’t clench your jaw, fidget, or shake your leg. All of these activities give the impression that you are uncomfortable or nervous. It may take some practice to avoid these things if you already have a habit, but like tip number one, you just have to make a deliberate and consistent effort.

5. Slow it down. You don’t have to react immediately to everything. Take your time. Reflect. Make your response a measured one. All of this projects an image that suggests you are in control.

Do not underestimate the importance of body language. It is one of the easiest (and most overlooked) ways that you can project confidence, and as I have said repeatedly on the site, confidence is really all that matters, whether you are a bald guy or not.

Feel free to share any of your own tips in the comments below.

Photo credit: flickr user numbphoto

The following is a guest post from a reader. Most of the posts on this site chronicle my own personal journey with hair loss. I like to feature reader stories as often as possible, because it provides evidence that it’s not just me with the problem and it’s not just me that has been able to get over it.

I have been subscribed to your mails for a while now and have been impressed by the way you dealt with your hairloss. I am happy to say that now myself as a 24 year old man and losing my hair, I have finally decided to take the plunge and shave my head.

I first took it to a 2 but am now down to a 1, soon the guard on the clipper will come off altogether. I have never been the one to try and cover up my hairloss just now, I just wanted to be able to use it while I still had it if you know what I mean. My hairline was receding but I could still style it and I wanted to be able to do that for as long as possible but now it was time.

I was nervous when I first did it but feel so much better now. I still have a wee bit of hair left, my hairline is a bit like wesley sneijder (google him if you don’t know him editor note: see the photo above) before he got his hair transplant. I have never been depressed about losing my hair so young just always felt it was more of a hassle. I always said if I started losing my hair when I was 30 I wouldn’t care because most guys go through the problem then anyway. But hey, these are the cards I have been dealt in life so just got to do what you got to do and roll with it.

I get the occassional ribbing from my friends every now and again but the way I see it, I got those jokes before but just in a different form, whether it be about other things in my appearence or clothes etc. Plus they get bored of it after a while. Once they have made a bald joke, that’s it, they have made it and doing it again and again just makes them feel like they have nothing better to say. So the jokes aren’t as bad as I thought they would be. Plus I find myself making jokes about it as well. “I’m not going bald I just wear it this way (with a sly wink)” is my favorite. I have never been one for wearing hats, either. I just wear it all out, it’s now who I am.

And now to the final topic and I guess the main one which scares us about baldness: girls. I was scared this would be the end. But it isn’t. In fact, since I have shaved my head I have been on 3 dates, which is more than I have in the past 2 years! It really is all about confidence and how to portray yourself. I guess some girls won’t be interested in bald guys, but that is no different to me not being interested in a girl because her nose is squint or something along those lines. I just act how I acted before. To be honest, most girls don’t even notice hair if you just chat to them and make them laugh, which is what I focus on doing. I have been rejected by girls before when I had hair so it’s no different now when I get rejected without it.

Anyway to sum up I have really enjoyed reading your blogs the past couple months and wanted to give it 2 months since I shaved my head to reply so I could give you a full synopsis of my experience so far. It’s done now and there is no going back. I’m never going to do anything silly like wear a toupee or spend thousands on a hair transplant (although I may get my ears pinned back as they stick out a wee bit). So now I am just like you brother, shaved head and loving life. Keep up the good work.

I could care less about Chris Daughtry. His picture is sitting to the left of these words because he is a bald guy and he is a mainstream musician. Guys – especially young guys – have a tendency to suspect that they are unique victims if they find themselves losing their hair. But the fact is that male pattern baldness affects a large number of men, and not just guys who are in their twilight years. By some estimates, up to 30% of men may experience some level of balding by the time they are 30-years-old.

Now if you start losing your hair in your teens, you are of course part of a smaller percentage. But you are not alone. It’s important to remember this.

When you convince yourself that you are a victim and that your situation is unique, it can be hard to move on. It doesn’t take long for your head to get caught up in a loop of anxiety, self-consciousness and possibly depression.

You start thinking “why me?”, “how can this be happening?”, and “this isn’t happening to anyone else.” All of these thoughts are self-destructive. The good news is that these thoughts are based on a false premise (that this is only happening to you) and if you can get your head around that, you can take one step forward in the battle to get over male pattern baldness.

I regularly receive emails from readers who have started to lose their hair at a young age. Often they are relieved to find this site, because of the nature of the content here, but also because of the sheer fact that I am another guy that started losing his hair when I was young. There is an aspect of solidarity that is incredibly powerful. Knowing that someone else shares your situation is in itself valuable.

Taking it one step further, knowing that there is someone that shares your situation and that they were able to get over it, well, now there is reason for hope.

So much of our self-consciousness and anxiety when it comes to male pattern baldness is psychological. When I first started losing my hair I was in denial. I thought I was losing my hair because of diet or exercise or something that I could fix. When I realized I really was going bald, I became depressed and angry. I was a victim. I was cursed. It wasn’t fair.

In the end, I got over it. This site wouldn’t exist otherwise. But it took longer than it could have. If I would have realized that there were more people out there experiencing the same thing and furthermore, that I could connect with some of them and actually find some solidarity, this thing would have been a whole lot easier.

Feel free to email me. Get in touch on the contact page. You can also join the email list (sign-up is in the sidebar on the right side of the page towards the top). Don’t be afraid to reach out.

For a bit more solidarity, here is Brother Ali with the final word:

Photo credit: wikipedia

This post is primarily in response to a comment a reader recently wrote in my last piece on making a New Year’s resolution. The reader linked to a website that is hawking an “all natural, easy, convenient, 100% guaranteed, blah blah blah” method for stopping your hair loss.

His comment went something like this: “I heard that shaving your head can speed up your hair loss.” Now his priority was likely the link back to his site. If he can disparage head shaving at the same time, all the better for him. He is promoting a product that tells guys they can escape the misery of male pattern baldness with an easy low-cost purchase. That is a pipe dream.

But let’s talk about his comment.

First of all, there is no evidence that head shaving would accelerate male pattern baldness. If there is, please find it and send it to me. And no, it cannot come from a website that is selling a product to treat hair loss.

Now, let’s think about this logically. Every one of our hair follicles goes through a natural process. It goes through a growth phase and then it eventually reaches a point where it will fall out. This will happen whether or not you are going bald. Afterwards, there is a period of dormancy. Drugs like rogaine try to eliminate this dormancy period, so you have more hair follicles active at once. Basically, this can give the illusion that you are slowing or stopping your hair loss, but you are really just putting it off.

Anyway, for those of us with male pattern baldness, a number of follicles are not reaching their normal length. The hairs are falling out early. What’s more, each time they fall out, they will grow to a shorter and shorter length. This means that if you leave your hair long, you will have more and more follicles reaching that fall-out stage.

On the other hand, if you buzz your hair down, the hair will follow the normal cycle of growth for a long time. Basically, less of your hairs will be falling out at any given time because few have reached the end of the line time bomb. They will eventually, of course, but seemingly head shaving, if anything, would actually buy you time.

Whether or not this logic is sound is largely irrelevant to me. I have made a choice about my appearance and the level of comfort I have with myself. I just feel compelled to go after people that are making money off of people’s insecurity and selling worthless products at the same time. I sell on product on this site. And it’s true, I make money from it. But I feel good about selling it. I feel that it will move your life in a positive direction. No snake oil, no smoke and mirrors, no mystery pills or cream — just concrete advice and motivation from someone who has dealt with this crap.

Photo credit: flickr user GMW Design

For the past several years I’ve spent New Year’s away from home. For both this year and last, I was in Ivory Coast. Before that, I spent the New Year’s in New York and the year prior, in Miami.

All of these destinations lend themselves to a good party and while I always manage to get in a memory-depleting amount of drinking, I try to take some time to reflect on where I am and where I’m going. I’m not generally big on New Year’s resolutions, but I think the changing of the years provides a good opportunity to target some areas for personal growth.

Previously, before I shaved my head, New Year’s brought dread. It was a reminder that another year had passed. My time with hair was running out. It was hard to get excited about the future when I pegged my future to how much hair was on my head. If anything, I wanted to suspend time, or perhaps reverse it.

These days, the 31st is filled with a sense of gratitude. I am thankful for a lot of things in my life right now. Among them: the ability to travel and work for myself, the flexibility and freedom that this lifestyle brings, and the people that are close to me, who I am blessed to see on a fairly regular basis.

However, right at the top of the things I am thankful for, is getting over male pattern baldness. Specifically, not having to think about it anymore. I struggled for years, trying treatments, covering it up, hiding from it. Then I ditched my hair entirely. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

I don’t think it is any coincidence that shaving my head and conquering male pattern baldness happened around the same time that I changed the direction of my life in several other respects. It happened at about the same time that I decided I would try to build my own online business. It happened while I was traveling solo, experiencing new things and approaching the world with an open mind.

The experiences lend themselves to each other. Shaving your head, like traveling solo or starting a business, is about liberation and fearlessness. It is not something you do casually. You take a leap. And like all those cliche quotations suggest, the biggest rewards come from taking such leaps — those with the most perceived risks. Often, the risks are imaginary, but the rewards are real.

So here is your New Year’s resolution if you are a balding guy. Let 2013 be the year that your hair or lack of it no longer matter. Conquer it by accepting it. There is more courage in this than treating it or trying to hide it, and the payoff is huge — it’s hard to overstate how much your life will change for the better.

If you need help getting there, send me an email, check out the ebook, or join the email list.

Don’t find yourself on December 31st, 2013 with the same anxiety, the same worries and self-consciousness. You owe this to yourself.

Photo credit: flickr user plucky tree

This is from an article from four years ago, so who knows where we are at now, but here is the piece in any case. The short version of the story is that some software has been developed that accurately counts the number of hairs in a patch of skin.

The stated purpose of the software in the article is to test the effectiveness of both hair removal and hair restoration treatments.

On the surface, this seems like an excellent idea. After all, you should know whether a “baldness treatment” is working or not, especially because many of them are expensive and possibly completely phony. While you can always use photos to document your hair loss or hair recovery, your mind can interpret these images in certain ways and things like lighting and angle may make a lot of difference.

My first reaction to this article, however, was not so reasonable. After reading the first couple of paragraphs, my inner brain monologue starting running: “What the hell? We’re developing software to count hairs now??”

Look, I get it. I see why this would be a valuable service to have around. It’s clear that the hair loss treatment industry may be populated with more snake oil salesmen than any other sector.

On the other hand, this article made me think of guys who spend half their lives in hair loss treatment forums, commiserating with other guys (which I can completely understand as I went through the same phase myself) and posting images of themselves while talking about their treatment regiment (which I understand less easily). For example, a guy may say that he uses such-and-such percentage of rogaine with a certain shampoo and so many milligrams of propecia.

The reason I find this stuff so discouraging is because it’s simply not necessary. It’s one thing to track your progress losing weight or with respect to something that is actually a serious health concern. But this is not that. It’s an overblown cosmetic issue that has evolved dramatically in the past several decades — to the point that, now, you can be a bald guy, you can shave your head, and you won’t face ridicule or diminished social status.

You can get over hair loss by accepting it, despite what anyone tells you. The effort you expend trying to hang onto your hair (if you are going bald), the anxiety, the depression, the constant self-consciousness — you cannot live your life this way. It’s just not worth it.

At least give the alternative a shot and see what happens.

As always, feel free to get in touch with me on the contact page. Or drop a comment in the space below this article.

Photo credit: from the article I linked to on Abc.net.au

This was a letter I recently received from a reader of the site. I think his story is particularly relevant because he went just about as far as he could go with treatment. No matter where you at in dealing with male pattern baldness, I think you can get something from this story.

Hi Phil. Congrats on offering a site like this! I can’t tell you how agonizing it was for me to lose my hair at age 18, and I gave into a partial hair transplant at age 19. After that I spent 30 years doing the combover thing and spending alot of time in the mirror. I got pretty good at the combover because I cut it and tapered it myself, and it wasn’t half bad, but I got tired of being a slave to my hair problem.

I hated the wind, the rain, going on boats, and I hesitated to go into the ocean. So, I did a lot of soul searching and finally decided to buzz it off. Now, I can’t shave my head because I have donor scars, but I can take it down to an inch or so. It is a liberating feeling as you say, and I’ve reached the point where if someone else doesn’t like my baldness, then it is their problem, not mine. I have some visible plugs up front which makes me a bit uneasy, but again I explain to anyone that asks that it was a knee jerk reaction that I made at age 19 and it’s not an issue anymore.

I feel bad for guys going through this because you and I know how depressing it is, but I realized in my own case that with a tapered cut on the sides, I look more masculine bald than I did with longer hair. In fact, when I did this cut, I got offers for company on a regular basis if you know what I mean. That says something right there. So, I am still somewhat sensitive about the new look but have allowed my freinds to see the new me and that alone is a big step.

No more TOXIC hairspray, no more hiding under hats for me like other bald guys, and no more agonizing over if I should finish a hair transplant, or worrying about wearing a toupee. In short, you are providing a valuable service to young and older men who can’t take that next step and walk away from the misery and anxiety of baldness. It’s a slow healing wound, but it can be done.

——-

This story is meaningful on several levels, but one of its more encouraging aspects is that this reader has buzzed off their hair after going through with a hair transplant surgery. I have often seen on hair loss forums the use of the word “submission” or the phrase “giving up.” These guys have this notion that by accepting hair loss, you are losing some kind of battle.

Here is what they need to understand: acceptance is not the same thing as submission or “giving up.” In fact, you can just as easily say that the guys who are fighting their hair loss with treatment and/or surgery are giving up. They are giving up on themselves.

They are submitting to rogaine commercials that try to convince that you can only be happy by having a thick head of hair. They are submitting to People Magazine and all that tabloid crap that keeps a close eye on whether celebrities start losing their hair. They are submitting to notions about appearance that will soon be outdated.

Treating your hair loss might be the easier fight to begin, but it’s the harder fight to finish. If you are thinking about propecia, rogaine, surgery, lasers, herbal supplements and/or hair systems, you need to reflect on the previous sentence.

Photo credit: flickr user kobiz7

A reader recently sent me a link to a wedding site that contained a discussion (among women) about whether or not men continue to be attractive after they go bald. The conversation started when one woman wanted to know whether or not the husbands of other women on the board retained their attractiveness after they started losing their hair.

The ensuing conversation is encouraging (if you are a bald guy). There are a few comments here and there that suggest baldness is a fatal flaw, but for the most part, the women who responded say that simply don’t care, or in some cases, they actually appreciate the lack of hair. There are several things that we can take from the back and forth comments on this message board (see link to the conversation here).

1. Some women specifically like bald men.

For whatever reason, there are women out there who prefer a bald head over one that has hair. I’m not going to make a foolish estimation of how many women out there are like this, but it is clear that they exist. Anecdotally, I have encountered this personally, but there is also evidence on message boards like these and elsewhere.

2. Women fall in love with men for reasons other than hair.

And here is the more important bullet point. Forget about number 1. It is a pointless thought exercise trying to figure out whether a woman is going to be physically attracted to you on a first impression basis. It it clear that the most important thing you can offer is not your appearance. It is your self-confidence. It is whether you are comfortable in your own skin. If you can come to terms with yourself, you will be more easy-going, relaxed and confident, and guess what? People will want to be around you.

Do you ever notice how when you are in a group of people and someone is presenting an idea, the person who reacts first in a confident way, tends to steer the entire conversation. As an example, let’s say that someone gives a presentation at work. The presentation could be good or bad, but often, what matters more is the first person to react in a confident manner. The presentation may have been excellent, but if I am the first person to speak about it and I tear it down in a very confident manner, other people are likely to follow my lead.

What I am trying to say is that the conversation is often manipulated by who starts it. The first person that expresses themselves in a confident and composes manner will likely find themselves in a leadership role, while the others are merely following along.

Let’s apply this lesson to male pattern baldness. You are losing your hair. You are trying to cover it up, but everyone can tell that your hair is thinning. You are taking a passive approach to the problem. You are reactive, rather than proactive. What happens in this situation? Other people control the conversation that you should be controlling.

On the contrary, if you buzz your hair off or shave your head, you take control of the conversation. By owning up to your hair loss, you put yourself back in the driver’s seat. You became that first person to leave their mark on the conversation.

Of course, the journey doesn’t begin and end with shaving your head. You have to work to build confidence afterwards and it takes time to grow into the look. Something that I stress in the ebook and elsewhere is that there is this initial feeling of liberation, followed by a period of adjustment, and then finally, a period of confidence growth. None of this happens, however, if you don’t take the first step, which is owning up to what you are facing instead of trying to “treat” it or hide from it.