Do You Struggle With Perfectionism?

Is just about everything you do never good enough, or enough?  Do you push yourself relentlessly, always feeling once you have finished projects, tasks, degrees, post-graduate courses or professional development seminars that you need to quickly move onto your next “To Do” item? Is celebrating wins and milestones – yours and others’ – a foreign concept?

What Causes Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is driven by a strong, unconscious fear of failure. Underlying this fear are old and faulty beliefs that you developed during your childhood. These beliefs and fears are still convincing you today that if you make an error or fail at something, you will be personally rejected, seen as a total failure, and not ok and enough just as you are.

Most perfectionism develops as a result of gaining love, attention and approval growing up for being a “good child” and student.

Growing up you learnt that these were the most efficient ways for you to get the love, attention and approval that you needed.

Here are 5 of the Biggest Mistakes Perfectionists make in business:

Mistake #1: You think your results should be flawless and perfect

Perfectionists push themselves relentlessly to avoid mistakes at all costs. Because your self esteem and identity are so strongly tied to being perfect and good, you feel devastated, flawed and worthless when you feel you have missed the mark and failed in some area of your work.

What you need to finally realize is that failure, setbacks and having to course-correct are valuable forms of feedback and an integral part of any journey to success.

Mistake #2: You’re constantly holding yourself back from contributing your thinking and ideas

This is probably the biggest mistake I see so many perfectionists in the biz space struggle with, particularly entrepreneurs just starting out and senior managers working in the corporate arena on the rise in their careers.

Driven by an unconscious fear of not wanting to be seen as stupid or not smart enough, you convince yourself that you are never quite ready to share your thinking and ideas because you are waiting until you have “all of the information” that you need to hand.

The cost of this approach is that no one knows where you really stand on important issues, or what you believe in. The impact of this is you don’t get seen as a thought leader or influencer in your industry and, worst case scenario, people find your ideas beige and, well, kind of boring.

Mistake #3: You don’t ask for help when you need it as you think you have to appear perfect at all times

This is a huge perfectionism trap and one of the most dangerous. It is one of the most common mistakes that high-achievers, professionals and biz owners make.

It is dangerous because it causes isolation and overwhelm and can lead to burn out, depression and anxiety if left unchecked. 

This belief derails the all important “Know, Like and Trust” factor of Business Relationship Building – you never approach others for help, or help them out as you’re too focused on your own area, and others don’t feel they can come to you as you always seem to be on top of things and, well, a bit “too perfect”.

People relate and connect better to others who reveal more of themselves, their strengths and their humanness and who reach out to help, and be helped, by others.

Mistake #4: You’re easily disappointed when others don’t meet or share your high standards

If you’re a perfectionist then you regularly place excessive demands on yourself and others.

Every perfectionist I have coached has been unaware that their internal standards are much higher than everyone else’s. 

Perfectionists classically have very low tolerance levels when others don’t meet their standards. This then leads to a load of problems as you can easily write others off, seeing them as incompetent.

Not good.

Strongly judging others for not reaching your often unrealistic standards alienates you from others and doesn’t build trust and relationships.

Remember, business is a team sport.

Mistake #5: You get angry and resentful when others succeed ahead of you

As a perfectionist, you are often surprised by how quickly your anger and irritability levels are triggered by just about anyone who is able to leap ahead and reach their goals ahead of you.

If this is you, you probably wonder why other people don’t take their work as seriously as you do?  You just don’t “get” people who take a more laid back or different (and more creative) approach to their work and are then amazed (and annoyed) when they deliver in on time, or exceed your outputs. Because of this, the atmosphere around you is usually serious, tense and closed-off.

Over-working the preparation and early phases of projects and business goals usually leads to burn out, tunnel vision and, ironically, sloppy completion phases as you are “over it” by the time you finally reach the goal posts. You need to learn how to work smarter, not harder, and stop obsessing over micro-level and insignificant details.

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