Laugh IT Out

The Pearly Gates of Heaven...

2013-05-17T15:32:00.000+05:30

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second."That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man."If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Soduko Lovers

2013-05-16T18:50:00.000+05:30

Cheating Death

2013-05-15T22:26:00.003+05:30

Death came to a guy and said, "My friend today is your day"

Guy:- "But I'm not ready!".

Then death said, "Well your name is the next on my list".

Guy : "Okay why don't you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?".

Then death said,"All right.. ".

The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.

The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list and put into the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to the guy,

"Because you have been so very nice to me,

I will start from the BOTTOM of the list.."

Moral : What ever is written in your destiny will never change no matter how much you try to..!!

Funny Dog Costumes

2013-05-14T18:49:00.000+05:30

Police Investigating..

2013-05-13T15:26:00.000+05:30

Police : Where do you live?

Kid : With my parents

Police: Where does your parents live?

Kid : With me

Police : Where do you all live?

Kid : Together

Police : Where is your house?

Kid : Next to my neighbors house

Police : Where is your neighbors house?

Kid : If I tell you, you wont believe me

Police : Tell me Kid : Next to my house

Intelligent Woman

2013-05-10T15:19:00.000+05:30

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Unicorn Is My Cycle

2013-05-09T18:48:00.000+05:30

The Americans and Russians...

2013-05-08T15:14:00.000+05:30

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After five years they came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Cycling In Right Spirits

2013-05-07T18:46:00.000+05:30

Need Water!

2013-05-06T15:10:00.000+05:30

An traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, then he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes." The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want." The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table asked, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

Ceiling Decoration

2013-05-02T18:45:00.000+05:30

Feels Like Him

2013-04-30T18:44:00.000+05:30

Passengers On A Bus

2013-04-26T15:58:00.000+05:30

A very thin bus passenger resented the other man on the seat, who was so stout that he overflowed in all directions. “They ought to charge by weight,” the thin man muttered. “If they did,” retorted the stout one, “you’d have to walk they couldn't afford to stop for you.”

Life Saving Strategy

2013-04-25T18:43:00.000+05:30

Nature's Call

2013-04-23T18:51:00.000+05:30

Avengers Can Make It Happen Any Time

2013-04-23T18:43:00.000+05:30

Nerd In A Class

2013-04-22T22:26:00.001+05:30

Psychology Student Vs Law Student

2013-04-19T23:43:00.002+05:30

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear,

"I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

Funny Paper Bags

2013-04-18T18:42:00.000+05:30

Weather Forecast : Strong Winds1

2013-04-16T19:00:00.001+05:30

Summer beats it all!

2013-04-16T18:41:00.001+05:30

Always let Your Boss Have the First Say

2013-04-15T15:38:00.000+05:30

A sales representative , an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”

“Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Troubled Computer User

2013-04-15T14:23:00.002+05:30

Dear Techical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

I Like Talking To Myself

2013-04-02T22:10:00.001+05:30

Real Time Weather Report

2013-03-31T10:13:00.000+05:30