Laugh IT Out

Blonde Password

2010-02-08T23:24:00.000+05:30

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a

blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and Include at least one capital.

Swiss vs Russian Army Knife

2010-02-08T23:22:00.001+05:30

Kids Are Logical

2010-02-08T23:10:00.001+05:30

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said

’I think the man would have said - ‘What The Fuck!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room

Silence Is Golden

2010-02-08T22:55:00.000+05:30

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”

Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”

Go Prepared This Valentines Day

2010-02-08T00:05:00.000+05:30

Planning to propose to Girl this Valentines Day - be careful. Go Prepared :)

iMug 1.0

2010-02-07T12:56:00.001+05:30

Jan' 10 Archive

2010-02-07T00:06:00.002+05:30

Following is archive of posts published in Jan 2010 , check if you missed any...
Have a great Feb :)

Mr. Bean Starring In Avatar Part 2

2010-02-06T12:50:00.002+05:30

Men Can Never Understand Women

2010-02-06T00:57:00.000+05:30

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"You idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."

And the moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

Now Thats A Bike

2010-02-06T00:41:00.001+05:30

Advertising Bloopers

2010-02-06T00:34:00.000+05:30

The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
Coors Beers put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan "finger lickin’ good" came out as "eat your fingers off"
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"...which also means, "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn’t until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with "ko-kou-ko-le" which translates roughly to the much more appropriate "happiness in the mouth."
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren’t too fond of the name either, as it’s a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn’t go" in Spanish.
Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that "Pinto" is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals." Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with "Corcel" which means horse.
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside since most people can’t read.

Is She Gonna Make It ?

2010-02-04T23:57:00.002+05:30

Valentine’s Day Jokes

2010-02-04T23:54:00.000+05:30

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes.

Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers
"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David Bissonnette
"It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." ~Laurence J. Peter
"Women are cursed, and men are the proof." ~Rosanne Barr
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Cost Of Near Miss

2010-02-02T22:06:00.001+05:30

Kelley's Restaurant

2010-02-02T21:31:00.000+05:30

A group of 45 year old guys discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally they agree to meet at the Kelley's Restaurant because the waitresses have low cut blouses and nice proportions.

10 years later at age 55, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the food is good and the wine selection is excellent.

10 years later at age 65, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later at age 75, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they have an elevator.

10 years later at age 85, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they have never been there before.

Long Time No See Son, Please Log Off

2010-01-31T00:56:00.000+05:30

I Was Just Practicing

2010-01-30T23:03:00.002+05:30

Sitting Higher Have Big Advantages

2010-01-30T01:30:00.000+05:30

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Attention Dogs

2010-01-29T12:50:00.002+05:30

Sex Of Fly

2010-01-29T12:45:00.000+05:30

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

“What are you doing?” She asked .

“Hunting Flies” He responded ..

“Oh. ! Killing any?” She asked .

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied .

Intrigued , she asked . “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded ,
3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

Also, The Bridge Is Out Ahead

2010-01-29T12:26:00.001+05:30

Engineers

2010-01-29T11:28:00.001+05:30

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

You Know You Are Living 2010 When

2010-01-29T11:05:00.002+05:30

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee!

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF!

Reverse Psychology

2010-01-27T23:31:00.000+05:30

A woman's husband comes home hammered every night, and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.

One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a back rub.

"It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?"

"We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."

This Food Is Too Boring

2010-01-26T23:28:00.002+05:30