Your Life After 50

Relationship-Romance Tip #34

Jerry Stearns — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:05:41 +0000

Relationship Tip:

No Jealousy Allowed

To have a healthy relationship, caring and concern are fine but when those emotions change into jealousy, this could be the beginning of trouble.Â Trust is probably the number one element needed in order to have a strong relationship.Â Without trust, things will quickly deteriorate.

If one of you masters something special, receives a promotion at work, or achieves some great feat, there could be a small spark of jealousy on the other personÃ•s side.Â You need to talk about this and ensure that any feelings of inadequacies are permanently put to rest.Â Every person needs assurance at some time or another and as long as you can communicate, things will be fine.

However, if your mate becomes withdrawn or irritated, these could be signs that more is going on.Â Once jealousy enters a relationship, problems are soon to follow.

Romance Tip

Go to the drive in but instead of sitting in the car, spread a picnic blanket on the ground.Â Light a candle and buy popcorn.Â Cuddle your partner and enjoy the film.

Stop Complaining and Take Back Control of Your Life

Jerry Stearns — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 21:12:35 +0000

Are you constantly complaining, then you must believe you have a real need to complain and your life isn’t where you would like it to be. If you don’t complain, you probably know someone who does and it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

They probably try to avoid that person as much as possible. Whether it’s you or someone else who is constantly complaining, what can be done to correct it and get back to positive living?

Complaining is a bad habit. A habit, whether good or bad, is an urge to adopt that action no matter what the consequences. The more you feed the habit the more it will take control of your life and the harder it is to kick.

Complaining typically stems from negative thoughts you’ve created. You realize you’re the cause of your thoughts so you blame yourself and vent it with complaining.

Refuse to let those negative thoughts become you. We become what we think just like we become what we eat, drink or do. If we put good into our body and mind then good will come out. Conversely, if we put bad things into our body and mind such as drugs and negative thoughts then bad will come out. It’s inevitable and it’s up to you to correct. Negative thinking and complaining can be just as addictive as a drug. Whatever your mind is used to thinking that’s what it craves.

Admit you have negative thoughts and that you are their creator. Realize too that these thoughts lead only to more negativity and more addiction. You know what you’re doing but can’t help yourself until you admit to your problem and let it go.

Relax and let your negative thoughts disappear. It may take a while but it can be done and when negative thinking is stopped so will your complaining. You didn’t become what you are overnight and you can’t expect to become what you desire overnight either. If that were the case we would all be perfect in mind and body. It’s a fight that can be won with constant dedication and awareness.

Don’t doubt yourself. Believe in yourself. We choose what we think and we choose what we are and can become. Accept responsibility for your actions and let it go. Then take positive steps to accept what needs to be done to achieve your goal. Dedicate yourself to getting it done.

This will disrupt your mind’s pattern of thinking and it will be easy to fall back into the old ways. Surround yourself with positive things and these will seep into your mind until they become you and your new habit is formed. Whatever was bad in your environment that caused you to complain get rid of it. Each step toward a positive emotion gives you confidence to continue.

We all tend to blame others. Only politicians can do that and get away with it. If you don’t like the life your living or the thoughts you’re thinking then change it. Take responsibility and take control. Stop complaining today and discover a new you tomorrow.

Our Journey Progresses

Jerry Stearns — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 01:43:58 +0000

As Dale and I are progressing through the Save My Marriage Today material, we are discovering some very good points on negotiation rather than arguing. By looking at issues in a rational unemotional manner and discussing them with your partner, we are thus trying to find a win-win outcome.

They also bring up good points on dealing with anger. We are getting to some tough issues that we are dealing with and this material is helping with those issues. Stay tuned for more as we make progress.

Relationship-Romance Tip #33

Jerry Stearns — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:00:18 +0000

Relationship Tip:

Create a personalized magazine cover for your partner. To do this, get hold of a good quality photo of her and a copy of a popular entertainment magazine.

Take these two items to a print shop or graphic design agency. Ask them to scan your partner's photo and develop a magazine cover with the lead story being, "The 30 Most Beautiful Women of 2009".

When you get the cover, stick it on the front of a real magazine and ask your local shop owner whether you can place it in the magazine rack. Organize to meet your partner at the shop before going out. When she arrives, tell her that you are just looking for a magazine. Let her browse the rack and discover her magazine.

Romance Tip:

Keep in Touch

If you are in a relationship, where your partner serves in the armed forces and is overseas or in another state on duty, away in a foreign country for school, or separated from you for one reason or another, it is important that you keep in touch with each other often. There will be stress from the separation but by keeping in touch and informing each other of the things each person is dealing with, how they feel, etc., you will not have any break in your communication.

The goal is that when you get back together, you can easily pick up where you left off. This is a very important time to provide each other with confirmation of your love and validation of your relationship. While this will require some extra effort on both parts, keep in mind that the separation is not forever.

The Next Step in our Journey

Jerry Stearns — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:49:13 +0000

Hi, this is Dale writing to you. As you know we started the "Save Your Marriage" course about a week ago. Jerry wanted me to write a little update what we have done so far

We have completed the first six exercises and found most of them to be very enlightening, a great source of conversation. The greatest encouragement is to take what we learn and put it into action, applying the lessons to our lives. We have had discussions on what our expectations were about marriage when we were younger and the impressions other married folks have had on us. We didn’t find much help in exercise 5, but you might find it very helpful.

We are enjoying the process as far as we have come and are looking forward to seeing what else we can learn about each other. We’ll keep you posted, so keep following along and see what we find.

Dale

Identifying and Altering Your Bad Habits

Jerry Stearns — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:35:16 +0000

If you don’t have any bad habits you can skip reading this.

You’re still here. Good! You’ve taken the first step in identifying your bad habits by admitting you have them. They didn’t seem so bad at first. The bad habits were just insignificant and you could break them any time you want. You’ve heard about the guy who could stop smoking anytime he wanted. He’s done it many times.

Bad habits feel so good at first as you ladle more gravy on your mashed potatoes which go so well with the chicken fried steak. One little snort of a non-addictive drug won’t hurt. Lying to your spouse was hard the first time but it got easier. Bad habits have a way of doing that - getting easier. Bad habits are a lot like drugs, they’re addictive and you find a way to rationalize them.

When you’re ready to take back control of your life and do away with your bad habits then identify them. Write them down. A bad habit could be as simple as criticizing your spouse or being impatient in the grocery line and saying words you regret. Admit you have bad habits, identify them and write them down.

Be specific. How much do you indulge in this habit and how does it affect your life? The longer you’ve been addicted to the bad habit the more difficult it will be to give it up. All the more reason to get started now. If the habit costs you money, determine how much it has cost you over the years and how you could have better spent that money.

The bad habit may not just hit you in the pocketbook but your physical and emotional health as well. It could be preventing you from achieving your goals and dreams for a better life. Bad habits waste money, strength and time. They eat away at your mind until you find a way to live with them rather than kick the habit.

Now, write down good habits that you want to acquire. This could be just the opposite of your bad habit. The bad habit could be drinking too much in front of the TV. The good habit could be to stop drinking and spend more time outside with the kids or at the health center. Give yourself a time limit when you say out with the bad and in with the good.

Put the list of good habits in a place where you see them every day. Bad habits are easy to form but good habits come hard. You’ll need all the help you can get and if they’re staring you in the face every day the positive constant reinforcement will begin to work wonders. You’ll feel uncomfortable at first but like nourishing a bad habit the good habits will get easier too.

Change your routine and stay away from any thing, place or person that might tempt you. Replace that empty feeling as the bad habit leaves your body with something that feels good and is good. Seek help if needed and become emotionally and physically strong. You can become a slave to bad habits or good. The choice is yours to make today.

Our New Adventure

Jerry Stearns — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 01:29:34 +0000

Dale and I started an adventure on Saturday. We started the "Save Your Marriage" course. We believe that we should know the products that we recommend on this site. We purchased all the material so not to be swayed with a "free" product.

We made it through the first exercise, what we individually feel are the goals of your marriage. We now will work on Exercise 2, which is to keep a feelings journal for a week. A feelings journal? How can I identify a feeling? I usually mad, glad or sad…are there any more? Let me do some exploring.

I have read through the material and can see that this will be and exciting time for Dale and me. This will take us several weeks possibly months so ride along with us.

Jerry

p.s. If you want to see the course we are undertaking:

Become a Person Who Takes Action

Jerry Stearns — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:49:35 +0000

Some people are born doers. Some people are born thinkers. Some think about doing and never get anything done. There are many ways to become a person of action and what works for someone else may not work for you.

Action people are usually people who are organized and seem to know exactly how to proceed from one project to another seamlessly and without effort. Others flounder in a world of disorganization, haplessly moving one piece of paper to another location without knowing why. At the end of the day, the doers typically have more energy than at the beginning as they feed on taking action.

The flounders at the end of the day are still floundering and can’t understand why nothing has been accomplished and they feel exhausted. They step back to assess their day’s accomplishments and deceive themselves into believing progress is being made, when in realty little or nothing has been done. For these people, organization is an essential key. Whether it’s for your home or business, make a to-do list and prioritize it. Put the most important ones at the top and each time you complete a goal or project scratch it off and feel the satisfaction. Don’t mark it off until it’s done. No cheating or rationalizing.

When everything on the list is finished, reward yourself. Even if you don’t quite complete the list in one day, go ahead and celebrate your victories. This gives you something to look forward to and gives you incentive to accomplish more. Again, be honest with yourself and only accept reward when deserved.

Another plan of action states that you can waste too much time making lists and you should visualize your task at hand until you have the energy to do it. They suggest you sit quietly, clear your mind of all other things and concentrate on your task or goal at hand. See yourself doing the project in vivid detail. Whatever the job entails imagine yourself doing each and every step. Fantasize about it, if you will.

Thought waves become energy waves as you focus your mind on one central thought. These energy waves build until you feel the energy surging inside you pushing you into action.

You’ll build up so much energy you will be forced to act. At that point, take action. It could be just a small part of your overall project but let yourself be compelled to action. This energy will dissipate, so do as much as you can before it leaves your body.

You’ve probably worked with a mind energy force involuntarily. There’s a problem you’ve faced during the day and can’t find a solution. Clear your mind, concentrate on the problem, even sleep on it and seemingly out of nowhere the answer becomes clear and you can take action. A happy attitude is imperative. Most people who are happy are active. Associate with happy people. Change the way your think and you will change the way you act.

How Can A Wife Initiate Better Communications With Her Husband Without Pushing Them Away?

Jerry Stearns — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 01:51:58 +0000

There is no doubt that men and women communicate differently. What many women may not realize is that men and women typically perceive a relationship differently as well. While women may see perceived problems or issues that need work in the relationship, men usually have the attitude of Im happy, I dont see any problem. Women usually see this as a disregard for their feelings or as indifference about the relationship. This often leads to a breakdown in communications between husband and wife. So how can a wife broach a discussion with her husband, initiate communication without turning them off or pushing them away? The key is in understanding the male mind and talking to them in their language.

Be Flexible
There is an ancient Asian proverb that says, Men are born soft and supple,; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry…The hard and still will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail. If you are rigid and hard in your marriage, demanding that your husband conform to your communication style, react to you the way you feel he should react and love you the way you think he should, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment. Now, this is not to say that abuse is OK, that is a completely different matter. But be soft and supple in how you approach your relationship. However, your husband is an individual and he will communicate with you in his own way, react to you in his own way and love you in his own way. It is up to you to learn those ways so that you can identify them and appreciate them. When you can appreciate your husband and respect him for who he is, he will take note and be more receptive to your attempts at communication. It will be far easier to have a conversation with a man who feels appreciated and respected than one who feels that he never quite measures up in your eyes.

Keep an Open Mind
One of the best things a woman can do when trying to communicate with a man is to keep an open mind. Throw out your expectations. Chances are, you will be expecting him to react the way you would and say the things that you would. He probably wont. However, if you open your mind and open your heart, you will hear him communicating to you the things you probably want to hear - but in his own way.

An open mind can open the lines of communication between you tremendously. Many people have a tendency to project their own characteristics onto their partner. They then expect their partner to react the way they themselves would react in certain situations. This leads to marital discord, discontent and unhappiness. Open your mind and heart, look beyond yourself and see your mate for who they are.

Realize that He isnt a Woman
Many men are sensitive and some even show it, but for the most part, men just dont operate the way women do. Women tend to focus on relationships, on the emotional aspects of their relationships and on intimacy. While men like these things, they deal with them in different ways. They tend to have the attitude that if the world isnt exploding around them, then everything is just fine. This is not insensitive, it is just that men are not as relationship and intimacy focused as women are.

A guy may see intimacy as sitting on the same couch while you watch a movie together. To him, this is an intimate moment. A woman, on the other hand, may see this as not intimate at all. Instead, she sees intimacy as cuddling on the couch, candles lit, TV off and talking quietly together. While these are two very different scenarios, they are both intimate moments. It is just a matter of perspective. When you can understand his male brain, you can better appreciate his male oriented attempts at intimacy. The first step is realizing that he isnt a woman.

Speak his Language
Listen to your man and learn to speak his language. Many guys will try to give their wives the intimacy and romance that they want. But most of those guys are usually clueless about what that is. You can help him by learning to speak his language. Understand his communication style. Maybe your idea of love is hugging and kissing all the time, saying syrupy things to each other and always being in physical contact. His idea of love may be the fact that he notices that the garbage needs to be taken out and he does it without asking, or that he notices when there is not milk in the fridge so he goes to the store. Maybe he picks you up your favorite drink when he goes to the convenience store. Maybe he calls you during the day to say he loves you. Maybe he does something as simple as rests his hand on your leg when you sit next to him on the couch or in the car.

Pay attention. He is talking to you in his own language. You would go live in another country without having at least some understanding of the native language, yet men and women move in together every day and have absolutely no clue how each communicates. They dont learn the language and the marriage suffers.

Meet Him Halfway
A marriage is give and take. It is wrought with compromise and meeting each other halfway. Dont expect him to come all the way over to your side, that isnt fair. Take the time to know him for who he is, know his personality and characteristics and meet him halfway. If he is the type of person who needs some alone time to unwind at the end of the day, give it to him. You both will be happier. It wont hurt you to give him 30 minutes or an hour to himself each day with the understanding that he gives you equal time to be together. If he is a gearhead, take an interest in cars. Even if you just sit outside with him while he tinkers with the car, you can enjoy some very intimate conversations that will draw the two of you closer. The thing to remember about men is that when they are doing something, when they are engaged in certain activities, they tend to open up and talk more. Get him to help you do the dishes, help him work on his car, do things together and meet him halfway and he will open up to you.

Men are strange creatures to most women. Of course, women are strange creatures to many men. When you apply these techniques to your relationship, you can open the lines of communication with any topic that you choose. If he feels appreciated, needed and loved, he is much more likely to respond favorably to you when you talk to him.

Save Money by Eating Out Less

Jerry Stearns — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 19:11:45 +0000

Going out to eat with friends and family is a very popular activity for most people. Its a great way to spend time together, relax, talk and have fun. Unfortunately, it can also be quite expensive.

Going out to eat is also much easier after a long day at work. Instead of going home and having to do even more work in the form of cooking and serving a meal, its much more appealing to simply go to a restaurant and let someone else do the work. This can get even more expensive however, when you have a family to feed.

If your budget is tight and you need to start limiting expenditures, one of the first things you should do is start limiting how much you and your family eat out at restaurants. This may seem difficult at first, particularly if you are actually in the habit of going out to eat often. The first thing you should do is try to declare eating out a special event. If you normally go out to eat several times each week, cut back to just once every one to two weeks instead. And declare it to be a special occasion when you do go out to eat. This will make it easier to adapt to the change in schedule, and it will make eating out even more enjoyable than normal.

When you do go out to eat, there are various ways you can reduce the amount of money youre spending each time. For example, if you have a family it is much less expensive to take them to a buffet style restaurant. This way, you pay one fee for each person, and theyre able to get as much food as theyd like, and as much variety as theyd like too.

Try to restrict yourself to going to restaurants you already know. If you know the restaurant, then you are more likely to know which foods you like and which ones you dont. This will help you avoid wasting money on a new and exotic dish that you didnt like.

If you really want to try a new restaurant, try going the first time alone or with just a friend or spouse. This way, if you dont like the food, you will have been much less money for just one or two people than for the entire family.

If money is extremely tight, you can go for the cheapest foods, and drink water instead of colas. This does however, limit how much you will enjoy going out to eat, and defeat the purpose of doing so in the first place. Eating out should be a pleasurable experience for the entire family, and not just a necessity.