There are lots of lists out there describing what people consider to be the most important things to do in life.  And these lists have lovely sentiments.  Find love.  Appreciate your family.  Do something you are passionate about.

I don’t disagree with any of that advice.  Those are important things.  But all those lists avoid what I consider to be the most basic things that you need to do to have a good life.

Unless you are the recipient of a trust fund, or you are Oprah and have unlimited funds, much of your life is focused on very practical issues.  Food, clothing and shelter are the things that concern most folks.  Add to that mental and physical health.  For most of us, our concerns are very mundane.

Most people aren’t trying to find the “meaning of life.”  That is a luxury of the ultra-rich.  Most folks are typically trying to just make ends meet and be mentally and physically healthy.

The list below are the four very basic things that you need to do in order to have a good life.  Focus on achieving them, and see your happiness and peace of mind increase!

Create A Life That is Safe

Safety may sound like silly thing to pursue in life.  After all, shouldn’t safety be something that we all just have?  Well, yes.  Yet so many people don’t live in safety.

When I refer to safety, I mean both physical and emotional safety.  Your first order of business in life is to find a home and community where you can be safe from physical harm, and in which people consistently treat you with kindness.

Realize that many people don’t live safe lives.  Many people live with spouses who are either physically or emotionally abusive.  Lots of children live with parents who either abuse them, or who just have bad judgment.  Cruel and irresponsible behavior abounds in our world, from the poorest homes to the wealthiest and most educated households.

So, creating a life in which you are safe is a top priority.  You cannot be truly happy until you live in safety.  You can’t relax and feel good if you live under stress or in fear.  So, the first practical thing you want to accomplish in life is to find a way to live with kind people in a safe community.

Become Financially Secure

Achieving financial security is no small matter.  Making enough money to pay your bills and support your children is a real undertaking.  You have to be careful with how you spend.  And you need to learn to live under you means in order to save for a rainy day.

The good news is that becoming financially secure is one of the most rewarding things that you can accomplish.  It is the key to having a relaxed, easy-going life.  It is much easier to be relaxed and happy when you can pay your bills with ease.

So, don’t underestimate the importance of earning money.  And don’t rely on anyone to create financial security for you.  For example, if you are a young person, realize that your parents won’t always be able take care of you.  Learn to be responsible because someday they won’t be around to bail you out of your financial debacles.

And the hard truth is that you can’t rely on your spouse for financial security either.  50% of marriages end in divorce, which means that your spouse cannot be your lifetime financial plan.  Moreover, sadly, people can lose their jobs or even die.  For instance, this week one of our church members died unexpectedly.  He was the family’s only source of income.  His death leaves his wife and their children in an extremely vulnerable financial situation.

Admittedly, working and earning money isn’t always fun.  And working while raising kids is tough.  But when you work hard and spend carefully, you can rest easy, knowing that you have the money to pay your bills, with a little left over for any unexpected life events.

Develop Good Habits

We all know what good habits are.  Make your bed every morning.  Exercise daily.  Arrive to work and appointments early.  Pay your bills on time.  None of that is rocket science.

And we all know that good habits can make our lives so much easier.  When we regularly tidy up our homes, they look so much better.  Paying our bills on time, leads us to have a better credit rating.  Exercising regularly results in our having fewer health problems.

In fact, good habits can transform your life into something you can be proud of.  People with good habits have pleasant homes.  They are financially stable.  And other people view them as being competent and reliable.

Admittedly, developing good habits takes discipline.  In fact, I would suggest adopting no more than one or two new, good habits a month.  That will give you the time to let the new habit become ingrained on your brain before tackling a new one.

The time and effort put in to developing good habits will never be wasted.  It always will pay off with a life that is far superior to one without discipline.  (To read about developing great habits, click here.)

Develop A Spiritual Practice

I know a lot of people who don’t have a spiritual practice.  They view religion as being silly or unscientific. And they fancy themselves as being too intellectual to have a religious belief which is based purely on faith.

The problem is that folks who don’t have a spiritual or religious practice tend to fall apart when life is difficult.  I’ve known non-religious people who simply could not handle the normal disappointments of life.  For example, I’ve seen folks fall apart from mid-life crises, as if turning a certain age was an actual problem.  When confronted with typical life events, these folks have turned to alcohol, poor behavior and other vices.

Having a religious belief will provide you with some perspective on life’s challenges.  When you have a religious practice, you realize that your life is so much bigger than your immediate, perceived problem.

Moreover, a solid spiritual practice offers hope in the midst of real trials.  We all will experience difficulties in life, whether they be a job loss, a divorce, an illness or the death of a loved one.  No one goes through life unscathed.  A spiritual practice can offer hope that even in the face of those challenges, things ultimately will get better.

Most importantly, if you have a solid religious belief system, your life choices become far easier.  You will choose to be kind, no matter what the circumstances.  Helping the poor will be something that you will do without question.  And with a meaningful spiritual practice, you will choose to serve others, rather than solely serving yourself.

It matters little which spiritual practice you choose.  Just choose one that has stood the test of time.  Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Buddhism have all been tried and tested over the centuries.  You will not go wrong by following the tenets of a major world religion.

Consider making the above goals a priority for your life.  These are the basic things that you need to do to create a good life.  If you achieve them, I promise you, your life will be markedly better.

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

To receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” and my weekly newsletter, visit meerabelledey.com.

The post The 4 Most Important Things to Do in Life appeared first on Your Morning Cup of Inspiration.

Most of us, at one time or another, have thrown up our hands in the air and said, “What do I do now?!?!”  Unfortunately, sometimes in life, when confronted with a problem, we don’t know what to do next.  Figuring out what to do when you don’t know what to do is difficult.

In fact, many problems in life can leave us scratching our heads for a solution.

“My children aren’t ambitious.  How do I help them succeed in life?”

“I feel stuck in my marriage.  How do I get out?”

“My college degree is in a field that no longer interests me.  How do I change careers?”

The list goes on and on of situations in which we may wonder, “How on earth do I solve this problem? What should I do next?”

Below are some ways to deal with what seem like unsolvable problems in life.  Follow these approaches so that you can figure out what to do, when (at first) you don’t know what to do!

When You Don’t Know What to Do, Do What You Know

Sometimes, when we are unsure of what to do next, it is good to pause.  We don’t need to try to solve the problem right away.  Instead, we need to give our brains a break, and simply do what we know.  That means just doing something that you are good at.

For example, let’s say that you are struggling to make a decision about whether or not to relocate.  That is a big decision and not one to make in haste.  Instead of obsessing about the decision, give yourself a mental break from it.  Instead, do something that you enjoy and are good at.

For instance, if you enjoy cooking, you might bake cookies or prepare an elegant dish.  Or if you like gardening, you might spend the afternoon outside pruning and planting flowers.  The key is to do something that is positive and productive – something that you are good at!

When we take a break from our problems and do something that we enjoy, we allow our subconscious to tackle the problem.  And not surprisingly, our subconscious often will come up with some good ideas about what to do.  In fact, when you give your mind a break from a problem, don’t be surprised if you have “Eureka!” moment not long after.

Take a 10-Year Approach

When you don’t know what to do in a situation, don’t look at the problem from the perspective of today.  Instead, view the problem as if it were 10 years from now.  Consider what Future You would want you to do.

For instance, I wish I had taken a 10-year approach when it came to getting a degree in library science.  I am a true bibliophile.  I not only love reading books, but I simply love being around them.  My two favorite places to hang out at are the bookstore and the library.

Unfortunately, I never pursued getting a library science degree.  It always seemed too expensive.  As a result, over the years, cash went out the door for all kinds of things – things that ultimately were a massive waste of money.  In retrospect, I should have spent that money on getting a degree in a field that I love.  Yet, I never made my desire to get a library science degree a financial priority.

My problem was that I didn’t say to myself, “Will this degree be helpful to me 10 years from now? Will it lead to a more satisfying career?”  If I had asked myself that question, the answer would have been a resounding, “Yes!”  Instead, I worried about immediate financial concerns, when I should have been focusing on my future.

So, when you don’t know what to do, ask yourself, “What would Future Me want me to do?”  Your answer will suddenly become a lot clearer if you look at your problem from your perspective 10 years from now.

Figure Out What You Value

We all want to live lives that reflect our highest values.  So, when trying to figure out what to do in any situation, find a solution that reflects what is important to you.

For instance, I value peace.  I want a peaceful and quiet life.  So, I choose to surround myself with peaceful, easy-going people.  And I limit my time with people who are argumentative or dramatic.

So, when confronted with people who are problematic, I first step back and say, “What do I value?”  Well, I value peace.  As a result, I know what to do next.  I surround myself only with people who are peaceful, since I value peace.  And I avoid people who create problems or conflict.

That approach applies to any decision that you may be making.  Ask yourself, “What do I value?”  If you value financial security, then your priority will be to make money and save money.  Or you may value having good relationships with your children.  In that case, you will make choices which allow you to spend the maximum amount of time with them.

There is no cookie cutter approach to values.  We each have very different value systems.  You simply have to identify what is important to you, and then make choices that support those values.

Accept the Imperfection of Any Choice

There is no such thing as a perfect solution.  Any time you choose to take one path, you are choosing to give up the benefits of another path.  For example, if you choose to get married, you also are choosing to give up the freedom of being single.  If you choose a particular career, you are giving up the opportunity to pursue other professions.

Every choice involves sacrifice.  So, accept that fact.  When you do so, figuring out what to do will become much clearer.

For example, I have a friend who is an economics and accounting professor.  With his credentials, he could make a great deal of money in the private sector.  But he has chosen a lower paying career in academia because he wants to have more free time, and he wants to be a fully-involved father to his children.

Certainly, earning more money would be nice for my friend.  But he has chosen a less time-consuming career so that he has the free time to do the things that matter most to him.

There are all kinds of tough problems that we face in life which don’t have perfect solutions.  For instance, ending a bad marriage is hard on everyone involved, but ultimately it may be the best choice for the couple.  Relocating to a new place, and leaving friends and family is difficult.  But sometimes people need to relocate so that they can remain employed.

Often in life, we simply are making the best choice possible.  And then we need to make the best of our imperfect situation.

We all have been in situations in which we have scratched our heads and said, “What do I do now?”  If you are feeling that way today, know that you are not alone.  Try using the approaches above, if you are faced with a problem and don’t know what to do.  You’ll find that by taking these approaches, knowing what to do will become much clearer.  (To read more about how to make tough choices, click here.)

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

To receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” and my weekly newsletter, subscribe at meerabelledey.com.

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We all wish to have that seemingly elusive “peaceful mind.”  A peaceful mind is like a still pond.  You can toss a pebble or rock into it, and there will be some ripples.  However, it quickly reverts back to its still state.

Like the pond, a peaceful mind may be upset momentarily by life’s inevitable frustrations and problems.  But it quickly goes back to being still and at peace.  That kind of mental steadiness is what we all strive for.

But how do we get there?  How do we achieve that peaceful state of mind?  Below are some ways to develop a peaceful mind so that you can feel less worried, agitated and stressed.

Don’t Take Things Personally

If you want to consistently have a relaxed, peaceful mind, don’t take what others do and say personally.  Admittedly, it is very hard not to get upset and take it personally when someone is rude to you.  When that happens, we reasonably think, “Well, if I was important or powerful or likeable, then that person wouldn’t be rude to me.”  However, that simply isn’t true.

If someone is rude or mean to you, it is because that person has a character flaw.  Their actions have nothing to do with you.  Rather, their poor behavior is the result of their flawed character.

So, while the behavior of rude or unkind people can be upsetting, their behavior shouldn’t rob you of your peace.  You can be at peace knowing that regardless of what others do and say, you choose to hold yourself to a higher standard.

Stop Worrying About What You Can’t Control

One of the main reasons why we unnecessarily feel agitated is that we worry about matters which are outside of our control.  For instance, try as we might, we can’t control other people.  Likewise, we can’t control the weather, the economy, or whether we or someone we love becomes ill.

In fact, a great deal of life is outside of our control.  And yet, the things that are outside our control are what we worry about the most.  That worry is futile!  Worrying will never change anything.

The only thing you can control in life is yourself.  So, be kind, be responsible and be honorable (meaning be trustworthy and keep your word).  Live a life in which you hold yourself to the highest standard.  And if other people around you act without honor, don’t worry about it.

If calamity befalls you, deal with it as best you can.  But again – don’t worry about it.  Worrying has no value, and it will not solve your problems.  Worry only prevents you from having a peaceful mind.

Surround Yourself with Calm, Peaceful People

When we are around agitated, unhappy people, we tend to feel that way ourselves. People like that have a negative energy which saps the life out of everyone.  They will point out everything that is wrong in life and will predict tragedy at every opportunity.  Those folks will steal your peace of mind.

People who are angry and aggressive have the same effect.  Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who like to create conflict.  They run around telling people off whenever they feel the slightest bit offended.  They are unhappy, and they believe their unhappiness is everyone else’s fault.  Avoid these people like the plague.  They create drama wherever they go, and they will rob you of your peace.

Instead, if you want to have a peaceful mind, choose to be around mature, relaxed, easy-going people.  Be around people who themselves are peaceful, and their peaceful spirits will rub off on you!

Pray or Meditate

Sometimes, in spite of our best efforts, our minds are agitated.  We may be worried, irritated or just plain mad!  That happens to the best of us.  When our emotions get the better of us, that is the time to stop and pray or meditate.

Through prayer and meditation, we give our brains a break from whatever is troubling us.  Those practices allow us to clear our minds.  So, for instance, we may change our focus to praying to God for strength and guidance.  Or we may try to turn our attention to peaceful thoughts by listening to a guided meditation.

It doesn’t really matter which approach you choose.  The point is to give your brain something else to do besides engaging in anxious thinking.  I happen to use both approaches.  So, sometimes I’ll pray or listen to a hymn.  At other times, I’ll listen to a guided meditation.  Both help me return my mind to a positive, peaceful state.

Immerse Yourself in a Positive Activity

If you are feeling agitated or stressed, sometimes it helps to just do something positive.  You need to do something that allows your mind to stop thinking upset, frustrated thoughts, and to instead focus on a quiet, peaceful, positive task.  Ideally, the task should be something that gives you a sense of accomplishment.  At the end of the task, not only should you feel more relaxed, but your self-esteem should get a little boost!

Baking a pie, doing some gardening or cleaning out a closet are all positive, productive ways to divert your attention from your concerns.  The benefit is that when we do something positive, we feel capable.  We feel like we have the power to solve our problems, and that naturally makes us feel less worried and upset.

So, find an activity that allows you to accomplish something of value!  Immerse yourself in a project.  For example, you might create a photo album for a family member.  Or maybe you might purge your belongings and create a pile of stuff to give away.  Not only will your home look better with less stuff, but someone else will appreciate your hand-me-downs.

When you shift your focus away from your concerns and on to something positive, you naturally will feel more positive and more peaceful.

Realize that you don’t have to live your life feeling agitated or worried.  If you are seeking to develop a more peaceful mind, consider using the approaches above.  If you do so, you will find that you are more relaxed, at ease, and at peace. (To read about being at peace in an unpeaceful world, click here.)

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

To receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” and subscribe to my weekly newsletter, visit meerabelledey.com.

The post How to Develop A Peaceful Mind appeared first on Your Morning Cup of Inspiration.

Many people have the mistaken belief that their lives are bad because they aren’t happy all the time.  Allow me to let you in on a little secret.  No one is happy all the time.  That is an unrealistic pursuit.  Instead, what we should be striving for in life is contentment.

Happiness is a feeling, akin to joy.  It is something you might feel when falling in love for the first time.  Or, you might feel happy when you accomplish a big goal, like completing a marathon.  But those feelings of happiness and joy are not normal.  They are special.

What you should be striving to feel most of the time is contentment.  That is a sustainable feeling.  When we are content, we are comfortable with ourselves and with our lives.  We feel good about our situation in life and our relationships with other people.

Unfortunately, many people chase happiness.  They want their lives to be full of special moments, 24/7.  That isn’t realistic.  It is a futile pursuit.

You know the people who are chasing happiness.  They are the people who regularly relocate because they want to experience over and over again the excitement of living in a new place and meeting new people.  Folks like that spend their weekends and holidays traveling to exotic places or doing high octane sports activities to get a rush.  They go through one romantic relationship after another in order to have that feeling of falling in love – again and again.

And they miserable.  They are chasing the wrong thing.  Special moments of happiness are meant to be just that – special.  Your entire life is not going to be one beautiful, Hallmark moment after another.  If you expect that out of life, you will be sorely disappointed.

Below are ways to stop chasing happiness and instead create a life of contentment.  Apply these approaches in your own life, and see how much better you feel.

To Create Contentment, Make Peaceful Relationships A Priority

When we are younger, we immaturely think that our relationships are supposed to be exciting.  Our friendships are going to be like on the television show “Friends.”  Romantic partners are going to be attractive, funny and adoring – all the time.  Effectively, we think that life is going to be like the movies.

But even movies only last two hours.

As we mature, we realize that no relationship is perfect.  No one person is going to fulfill all our needs.  And our relationships aren’t going to be nonstop excitement and fun.  Instead, to live a life of contentment, we don’t seek excitement from our relationships, but rather, peace.

Recently, one of my friends wisely said to me, “I am just seeking peace in my life.”  He has learned through life experience that real relationships aren’t like the ones we see on television.  Rather, they are far more complicated.  So, his priority is simply to have peaceful relationships with everyone.  I couldn’t agree more.

If you want to have a life of contentment, strive to have peaceful relationships with others.  Make peace a priority.

How do we do that?  Well, we stop arguing with other people.  For example, I will not discuss politics or religion with anyone but my daughter and my husband.  The three of us can discuss those issues without arguing or allowing matters to get heated.  But I don’t discuss those topics with anyone else.

Other folks can think what they want, and if they don’t see the world my way, that is OK!  My top priority is to have peaceful relationships with other people, and that means that I don’t discuss hot button issues with anyone but my immediate family.

I also choose to let a lot of minor offenses go.  We all easily could go through the day feeling offended.  People either intentionally or unintentionally do and say inconsiderate things all the time!  If you spend your time being irritated by other people, you will not be at peace.  You will be aggravated, which is the opposite of being content.

So, if you seek a life of contentment, develop a peaceful mindset.  And make having peaceful relationships your top priority.

Be Grateful for What You Have Today

I will concede that it is nearly impossible to be content in the midst of serious life problems.  Being content while suffering from a serious illness, violence or poverty is nearly impossible.  Those are experiences that we simply get through.

But most people struggle with being content, even when their lives are just fine.  There is nothing discernably wrong, and yet they are discontent.

The challenge for many people is that they are ungrateful.  They have food, clothing and shelter.  Their relationships are decent, and they have good jobs.  Yet, they are disappointed with life.  They had an idea that life would be more fabulous than it turned out to be.  And now they feel sad that life didn’t meet their expectations.

Unfortunately, there is only one solution for that kind of discontent.  Grow up.  Be grateful for what you have!  Realize that if you have the basic necessities of life, you are far ahead of millions of people in this world who don’t have things like food.  Understand that there are so many people who would love to have even your worst day.

Being grateful for what you have today, doesn’t mean that we don’t keep trying to improve ourselves and our lives.  But to live a life of contentment, you need to be OK with what you have now.  Even if you have hopes and dreams for tomorrow, you need to appreciate all the things you have today.

Expecting to be blissfully happy on a nonstop basis in life is a recipe for disappointment.  Instead, create a life of contentment.  Learn to be comfortable with your life.  Make peaceful relationships a priority.  And grateful for what you have today.  (To read more about creating a life of contentment, click here.)

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

To receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” and my weekly newsletter, visit meerabelledey.com. 

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