Your Mother Is Still Fat, XOXO eils

Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand.

2012-01-28T00:08:00.001+08:00

packing for school tmr.

and.....

lost my file.

lost the drive to go school tmr.

this is just a very bad habit of mine.

so..

my friends.

someone go buy me a hkitty file for school!

no wait, lili gave me one.

but it's those that have alot of pockets one.

i just want those that only need 1 slot.

hahaha.

meh, miss lili.

she gave me so many things and she always treat me so nice.

aiight, tummy ache, heart ache.

im gonna sleep.

school is at 830 tmr!

WTFFFFFFFFF.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired.

Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me,

I quit.

no im not suicidal, just sharing.

was browsing for quotes the other time and came across meaningful (to a certain extent) suicidal quotes.

I WAS GOOGLING FOR SONG LYRICS I SWEAR.

hahahah.

so, who wanna watch the hunger games with me?

i really like the chorus part though :)

you know, i'd been hurt so bad.

i realized how blissful it is for others to be just plain safe and sound.

it's a blessing

Ponder~

2012-01-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

found these photos in photobooth.

pretty miss that night.

cousin's wedding.

daddy giving opinions on my dress (:

anyway, i think one benefit that emerged from my parents' separation is the amplified & obvious care and concern from them.

when i had a fever last year, i stayed at my mum's place for a week.

and she keep checking on me, without fail.

today, girlgirl fell in school.

and mummy was worried so we cabbed back after dinner to visit girlgirl and help her apply medication.

that said, MY SIS IS SO FRAGILE.

when i used to fall down on hard roads during netball.

i never even whine and still went to work for amore roadshow lor.

i think there's a reason why she's the baby sister.

hahahaha.

and many more.

like how i managed to get the things i want.

pretty much easily.

if they were still together, i probably couldn't feel the care and concern that much.

and whenever we are sick, grandma will come over just to cook porridge.

so loved! :)

im so blessed to be a Lee.

^_____^

unhappy day.

and, my chest pains are back.

damn.

i dunno is it cos i ate too much meat or what.

my heart is aching, like literally.

even emotionally.

CNY 2012

2012-01-27T13:45:00.000+08:00

day 1,

so the night before asked brother lee to bring us go 兜风.

went home, crashed.

woke up at 11 to prepare~~~

yea i went back salon vim to dye my whole head red this time.

but.....

i think i wanna go back my ah lian hair style soon.

hahahahaha.

apparently there was a pics of his biceps behind us, and i didnt wanna save it cos it was too hideous.

hahahaha.

my clever lil sister had pick up makeup.

very good.

lou hei.

fucking awesome every year made by my uncle's wife.

favvvv dessert every year too!

i love sago seeds.

i call them balls balls.

used to enjoy eating them at adam road with mdk.

i'll push it in the longan.

meh.

my boyfriend for cny ^^

and yes!

no salmon, we eat abalone.

hehehehe ^^

wo de ban ban!!!!!

the man of my life bbq-ing for me.

HAHAHAHAH.

when i saw that frying pan.

i siam like no tmr.

meh.

i want a bf to bbq stuff for me :(

i cant bbq for nuts.

really.

then we head over to isa baby place and stone.

LOL

and daddy came back from msia to pick us home~~

still getting used to cny without mdk.

meh.

and sorry smlj, had a tiff with you.

but, thanks for the explanation and love love <3

DAY 2!

mother lee knows im single and plan-less.

so she brought us to shangri-la for high tea.

wahahahahahah.

im a giant, ^___^

korkor drove cos papa lee went bintan to 放鞭炮。

i was supposed to go with him!

IF ONLY smlj didnt need to do project :(

killer studded heels which killed my feet.

T.T

so my cny was pretty emo.

and i got an unexpected surprise from :)

how sweet can my friend get!!!!

(ok im not saying the gender out, you can speculate)

but pretty obvious enough right?

^_____^

so wednesday, went over to smlj house and we view old pictures for 3 hours.

how did we drink so many of this last time? -.-

night was good even without alcohol.

LOVE YOU LA SMLJ.

i'd been a good girl :)

meh

2012-01-26T13:14:00.001+08:00

okay, this is gonna spoil my image.

but........

I KNOW IT'S GONNA MAKE MANY PEOPLE LAUGH TILL THEIR TITIES DROP.

so yeah, if anybody ask who is this person.

be proud of me and say im your friend!!

i seriously still think i'll look hideous after jaw surgery.

anyway, was crying so i decided to view these pictures.

and i just laugh.

you all should just save it in your phone and look at it whenever u feel upset :)

so, who do you think gives better blowjobs?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

****

for the very first time in my life, i actually felt his mum was happy to see me.
that very bit of contentment.

Mind games.

2012-01-26T11:23:00.001+08:00

The more you criticize. It just shows how insecure u are.

When u chose to live in your own fairy tale.
Don't pull me into something I never agreed upon.
And don't assign me the role of evil witch because I only wish to be one of the princess(es).
Hahahaha.

Random

2012-01-25T16:19:00.000+08:00

Okay. Just something random.

I wanna have a bf where I can text him nonsense when I'm shitting.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Or someone who can take all sorts of my random nonsense.
I found one. But I lost him.

So yeah. I was texting my shitting process to smlj just now.
Meh. Why I so random?

I survived the cny. Alone.
Proud of myself.

And why send me photos of his nephew when other girls get it too.
Then I wonder, if the captions will be same too?
Lies beget lies. Meh.

I really wanna rant. But. Meh.
I dowan to be the ex who haunts him like what she says.

Anyway I seldom share happy things with my friends cos I'm afraid of taboo.
Hahahahha.
Meh. I'm
Unhappy.

You yes you! (:

Thank You

2012-01-22T11:26:00.001+08:00

Thank you to,

Rhino, Wan.

Jesslyn, Alicia.

Hui Kiat, Yit Wei.

Mark, Dexter.

Melvin, Timon, Kang.

Sandran.

Q, Winson, C.

Sok.

Dex, Sarah, JunKai.

James, WX, Brandon.

Teddy. Sofian.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

SMLJ.

a very big proof that i was sober still, cos i remembered all the people i saw.

in order somemore (:

not all are my friends, not all i talked to, but all that played a part in distracting me.

keeping me occupied.

making the tears stop.

when was the last time i cried in front of smlj?

i think quite long ago.

but, thanks for the company.

thanks for not bringing anything up.

thanks for the distraction.

thanks for the hugs and kisses.

thanks, thanks for everything.

and I woke up to someone's compo text,

and felt very comforted.

very.

why are there so many kind souls in my life?!

please bless them with a happy life.

and beth,

you fucking owe me one.

i dont care.

and you, the one who caused these tears and inflicted these pain.

you fucked me up and i got nothing left for you to fuck anymore.

nothing.

KAN!

2012-01-21T00:28:00.000+08:00

WA KAO.

JUST LOOK AT THE HKITTY BALLOON.

FUCKING UK48 CAN THE SIZE.

LOL.

NABEI.

I WANT THIS FOR MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR.

OR VDAY.

I'LL BE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HAPPY.

THANKS BABIES.

PLEASE DO YOUR JOB IN SHOWING SOME LOVE FOR ME~

I SWEAR IM SO JEALOUS OF THAT BIRTHDAY GIRL.

PFFFFFT :(

I'm a CYNIC

2012-01-20T01:44:00.001+08:00

when it comes to love, you can't blame me for being cynical.

and selfish.

most of the times.

LOL.

anyway, i think girls messaging things like

'im in pain'

will definitely get a reply.

confirm. double confirm.

or something like,
'feel like banging my head on the wall?'
HONESTLY?

and actually i come up with so many malicious replies / sarcasm.

but eh, nvm.
inner battle with the devil.

ate too much today.

my heart is still hurting lor.

knn.

now, can she stop her hard-selling already?

turn off for me.

i swear.

im very jealous.

and very annoyed.

and this is why, we can never be friends sometimes.

this is why.
i might just end up killing all your female friends.

i think i just mentally stabbed a lot of people today.
meh.

and qinaide, reply your text tmr ok.
muacks.

Nabei.

2012-01-19T13:02:00.000+08:00

my nails now.

cny confirm huat dao lao sai.

ladies night yesterday was.. enjoyable to a certain extent.

minus the angst among us.

like honestly la wtf, what's up with the angst between us seriously.

smlj u seriously have anger management problem.

YOU BETTER CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.

hahahaha.

anyway, in the cab, i was really worrying, about us.

i actually am afraid, we might end up like me and cheng.

it's the tension, bah.

so, can we just try to make it better?

all 3 of us?

that said, i saw her bf yesterday.

ironically, i actually became talk-able friends with her bf's friends.

and jeff was telling me,

'he's afraid to dance near you, later you go tell peiru'

honestly, i don't give a fuck about him, or them.

even if i did see him dancing with other girls, not my problem.

and i heard even more ..... stuff, which i also dont bother anymore last time.

so why should i now right?

lol.

then i realized, i moved on.

anyway, im feeling very grumpy now

cos i was reading that butter girl twitter.

and i cant stop rolling my eyes.

im sorry, but does she always tweet about how fantastic, faithful and everything nice she'll be?

and the ex tweet.

i cant help but wonder what he tweeted or what he told her to make her wrote that.

okay!

i shall go out and cheer myself up.

thursday plans to celebrate kah bday is cancelled :(

who wanna go eat curry chicken at queensway with me?

hehe.

I am Rad.

2012-01-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

so.. salon vim again today.

and i have red hair now.

hahahahahaha.

no more ah lian.

feast with yina baybeh.

and, steamboat treat from Luela babes!

^_____^

it's awesome, like really really awesome.

everytime i eat nice food i just think of you, and wanna bring you there.

oh wells.

luckily i brought you to Ootoya (:

so today i wore my normal astig contacts.

my left side is still 0 degree.

and... i tried taking it out.

and i couldnt find the contact lens in my eye!!!!

so can i ask,

will u ever know if your contact lens tio stuck at the back of your eyeball?

PLEASE TELL ME YES.

cos i can't feel anything in my eye and im freaking out.

i should have just be vain and wore my colour contacts out lor!

fml.

long tiring day.

and places i went, just remind me of him.

i guess it really starts to sink in when i made that choice.

like how i see cny goodies and i think how i spend every cny wrapping hampers.

many many more.

aiight, steamboat was very good.

i love my job.

i love the people involved (:

okay qinaide if you're reading this,

have a good day at school tmr!

i miss you!

larsson millennium

2012-01-16T02:32:00.001+08:00

and now that I bought storybooks to read.
I want a hello kitty bookmark.

someone please be sweet and buy me one (:

:(

2012-01-16T02:22:00.002+08:00

viewing movie trailers in youtube makes me feel sad. :(

so many movies i wanna watch.
bah.

微加幸福

2012-01-16T01:38:00.003+08:00

went to her concert with smlj on friday.

awesome! (:

anyway, im so unhappy.

but thanks for the people who texted me (:

appreciated!

as unhappy as i am, each time i read her tweets or her blog,

i know it's the best for me now.

it's such a vicious cycle.

and, i can't take it anymore.

im finally feeling the pinch, im finally feeling more alive.

heh.

ironically true.

it's okay to be unhappy now.

it's normal.

it'll be over.

be strong. be strong. be strong.

hopefully the tears will be worth. long term.

aiight, meeting yina baybeh tmr!

^_____^

btw, video2mp3.net don't work well for me :(
anyone got better programmes to intro?
please let me know!
thank you! <3

speechless

2012-01-15T07:03:00.000+08:00

I think I can eat alot when I'm upset.
finished my donuts and I'm still.
unhappy.
lol.

I hope sweet stuff can make me sleep better then.

anyway I'm just bipolar.
too lazy to elaborate.

and. I don't really like my friend's ex bfs who create untrue things about ppl.
and...... if u THINK I don't like you.
then NEVER start the topic with me with 'I know you don't like me....'
it'll just turn me off further.
that said.
please be more matured.

I was looking at the sunrise later.
I thought it would be romantic if my bf bring me someplace to watch then I fall asleep in his arms.

but this kind.

can only do once.
I will get sian. lol.

ok I talk alot of cock too when I'm unhappy.
bloody sad
cried so much today.

nights.

so many blows to my self esteem lately.
sigh :(

lol

2012-01-13T15:37:00.000+08:00

no one can change a person,
but someone can be a person's reason to change.

this is actually said by spongebob.
hahaha.
boy, am I amazed.

Reign of Assassins

2012-01-13T13:29:00.000+08:00

我愿化身石桥,

受五百年风吹,

五百年日晒,

五百年雨打,

但求此少女从桥上走过。

Last.

2012-01-13T10:29:00.004+08:00

lunch last friday with yina.

i love to order a lot of food with her.

but dont really finish all.

but yummy!

OTAH HIDDEN IN THE RICE.

she was saying it will 'heat' up the otah.

lol.

this woman ah......

and, i love talking to her!

she don't judge one leh!

muahs <3

love you baybeh, why you so awesome.

super big picture of yong kang ge ge! (:

called him to come down to help me take my stocks.

soooo sweet right :)

he was sleeping btw.

hahahahaa.

so strong!

WEE YOU WEE!

so, evening was wicked!

wicked was awesome, except for the first 10mins.

but the countless apologies made everything better.

honestly, i'm not hard to pacify.

some people just don't get it.

as angry / negative you feel towards a person, when you do something to hurt her.

you should prolly just bring down all the ego you had, all the negativity you had and pacify her.

that's what i feel la.

future bf, please get this in your head.

haha.

unedited pictures!

awesome or what?

^___^

bringing smlj to here tonight.

muahs <3

y'know, i grew tired of fighting to be the first.

last time when people bring others to places they been with me,

i get really upset over it.

then i self comfort, ok at least im the first.

but now, im not even the first already.

hahahahaha.

i dunno, i get tired easily.

and recalling back this night.

butter. st james. ..

i feel very cheated and hurt again.

i think my dad tried to cheer me up in a very unique way yesterday night.

he walked in my room, caught me crying, and silently walked out thinking i didn't see him.

then he went back to his room, walked out.

and asked why i haven pack my stuff out of his room.

and that he's gonna pack it for me.

the usual me,

i would have 'papaaaaaaaaaaaaa,'

whine, and gave him the puppy eyes while i laughed.

and i just 'orh' him yesterday.

then he silently walk off again.

is he cute or what?

and my lil sister, she just silently walk past me and roll to the bed.

i think my family are nice to me.

they don't disturb me when i cry.

if it's me, i think i would have bomb my lil sister with questions again.

and maybe prepare a knife to stab aloy.

HAHAHA.

anyway, cried till my head was splitting.

cant sleep well.

and i woke up at 5am today.

i guess sleeping well will never be an option when im upset.

but thank god for that few hours of sleeping.

it drains my emotions away, the negative ones.

everyday i wake up, i feel less upset.

alright, i shall look forward to tonight (:

what's the rationale in using another person to move on?

love is not a game.

and my future bf, if you are reading this.

NEVER, EVER COMPARE ME WITH OTHER GIRLS.

because once u compare,

all the past sweet nothings that you said.

those words of i'm the best you ever had, etc etc,

will just be plain bullshit.

i'll even start doubting if you really did love me,

or was it because i was BETTER than the other girls in your life at that time.

and... don't tell me how those girls have other guys in their life yet they chose you.

and dear future bf, if you ever exist.

DON'T BRING OTHER GIRLS TO PLACES YOU EVER BROUGHT ME.

or, just don't let me find out.

just buy me j.co donuts if u ever upset me.

or flowers.

or sing a song for me.

or draw me a card.

or text me a 100 times i love you.

or write 100 times forgive me (must be forgive me, not i'm sorry)

or come down to my house.

and alot more.....

if you treat me nice, i'll treat you better.

so if you think i treat you like shit, it's most likely cos you treated me like cow dung.

and, LAUNCHED! :)

http://herwalkincloset.livejournal.com/89696.html

why the response is so badddddddddddd.

move so slow.

tsk!

please buy!

if im worth it, prove it. not do it on a condition basis. because i have a heart and i can feel,

whether it's true or not.

because if you love me with your 100%, i'll love you back with my 200% and more.

cos at the end of the day, who had been the one breaking promises all along?

not me.

Simple.

2012-01-12T22:43:00.002+08:00

as my world starts to spin,

the tears rolling,

heart twisting.

and i comfort myself,

it's okay eils.

the pain will fade, the hurt will fade....

to the people whom know me,

if one day you ever lied to me or hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally,

the very first thing u should do is.

admit it, apologize, and promise me it won't happen again.

and pacify me non-stop.

my heart would soften, my tears would stop,

cos i could have seek comfort in you still.

if people go the hard approach on me, trying to justify every lies made,

it'll just made me feel even worst.

once you pacified me,

then you tell me your reasons,

i'll pacify you back.

i don't have an ego,

but i have a heart that's easily hurt.

just, go soft on me.

i'm easily contented,

actually you all know it.

don't you.

and, whether you're sincere anot, i actually can see and feel it too.

Phyllis X Jake

2012-01-12T13:21:00.000+08:00

we don't look like each other hor?

isa baby wearing an upcoming manufactured piece! :)

victoria beckham inspired!

that day very chio right.

yeah i know.

hahahaha.

anyway, my dress is from TVD!

http://thevelvetdolls.livejournal.com! :)

http://thevelvetdolls.livejournal.com/49241.html

Yvaine jewel dress.

even people at the wedding loves it! (:

chinese new year is coming!

can't wait~

Winebar X

2012-01-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

so yeah, we made friends with this group of bday girl and friends.

from NUS LAW.

i love smart people who knows how to have fun.

HAHAHAH.

you will never know who we are mimicking.

*looks at smlj neoprints*

this drunkard.

OWN-ED THE NIGHT.

literally.

blur pictures are always the chio-est!

love you!

so yeah, she lost her phone and her wallet that night.

she goes around grabbing people's ice with bare hands and feeding everyone.

she goes jumping on everyone.

she laughed and laughed and made everyone laughed too.

she's a happy drunk, and i love her.

so i asked her to go home, and she just walked, grabbed her back, and jumped on the taxi.

throughout the whole journey, i thought she was still half sober.

perhaps, slight tipsy.

5mins in the cab,

she whipped a plastic bag out of her bag and started to vomit.

WHATTHEFUCK?

WTF.

yeah, and i watched her walked to her lift.

till the next day she called.

'eh where's my phone ah?'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

FUCKING DRUNKARD PLEASE DONT ACT SOBER THE NEXT TIME COS I WONT KNOW WHEN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!!!

and afterawhile,

she realized she lost her wallet too....

the power of alcohol.

haha.

Vow

2012-01-11T03:13:00.003+08:00

(i realized i forgot to attach the video, but it's the vow (2012) movie trailer!
go catch it!)

wah, fucking wanna watch this.

wee you wee~

Insomnia

2012-01-11T02:43:00.001+08:00

winebar last sat with the drunkard.
she's a happy drunk.
and she cant stop blaming me for making her lose her hp & wallet,
WHEN ITS NOT EVEN MY FAULT?!
anyway, epic night, memories stay.
happy ones (:
will blog more next time (:

thanks for everything though.
for the calls.
for understanding me well.
for saying things like 'don't cry la'
for always letting me point you my middle finger and scolding you 'fuck you!'

****

supper-ed with smlj.

talked all sorts of stuff with her.

boys, relationships, dicks, sex, school, career, etc.

she made things, passable.

she asked me, she didn't know why i was so persistent.

actually, up till now, i didn't know why i made the decision too.

i think, i was just too guai lan.

HAHA.

actually, i used to be much stronger.

and actually, i didn't know i actually can survived till now.

maybe the past me would have tried killing myself.

i guess 2011 is the changing point for me.

lol.

anyway, don't you think fate is cruel?

u might meet the right people, but at the wrong timing.

not your significant other, but even friends.

im so tired, and i cant sleep.

BAH.

qinaide, can we go buy jco donuts tmr?

please please.

titanium is stuck inside my head.

i always love listening to that song when im in phuture.

haha.

till now, i still cant believe i stepped out of my comfort zone.

if i didnt, i might not have lose her as a friend either.

actually, i dont think i lost her.

perhaps, in the future, at the right timing, it'll all be better.

but now, im paranoid again.

smlj just reminded me she's gonna start work in june.

which means, less time for me, less time to hang out.

less time for everything.

i think, im not moving forward.

and im quite stuck in my shelter.

what if i reached 29, then i decided i'll not do business anymore and go and work for others?

i think i'll die right?

u know, i like the fact that my friends think im awesome.

they are the best confidence boost.

so yeah, thanks my babies!

520, 320

2012-01-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

two-faced lying cunt.

was the name for me when people went tagging on your board to scold you for dating some attached guys or whatever shit that i cant remember.

and your friends thought it was me at the end of the day and scolded me on twitter.

that said, i vaguely remembered the fb message exchange

'i trust that that bitch aint you, may that suffice'

i do remember though.

i do.

im actually glad i didnt read that post.

and smlj had a goldfish memory.

maybe she took down the post cos she still spared a thought for me despite all these.

i think what i like, and want to think that'll always make me feel better.

hahaha.

that said, i dreamt of really good stuff this morning.

despite the bad night.

when i saw that fb picture on that butter's girl fb.

i just wanna roll my eyes at those comments.

this is why i can no longer trust.

to me, this is shit too.

bah, why can't people just handle my heart with care sometimes.

and he's right,

i did change.

i used to be more kind, more.. i dunno nice?

i used to put everyone before me.

but now i just become very selfish.

yeah, i want what i want, and if i cant get what i want i'll go bonkers.

too spoilt i guess.

wanted to upload pics and blogger uploader isnt working.

WHYYYYYYY.

J.co donuts.

2012-01-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

i really wanna eat that.

since last week.

was at tamp mall. stupid kris said buy after dinner.

after dinner, ALL SOLD.

kokboon went msia, and bought a dozen back for himself.

kan.

oreo, double choc.

fuck la.

wanted to go msquare today with him to get,

but... just didn't.

where's my dosage of sweet food to cheer me up.

can nel b's yi po buy a dozen back again? :(

i wanna eat that so baddddddd.

OKAY QINAIDE, BUY ME THAT TMR.