Your Mother Is Still Fat, XOXO eils

Profound Profanities

2012-03-05T16:51:00.000+08:00

last week, nothing to do so headed to haji to lepak.

tried fixing the printer end up having a baddd migraine.

lol.

my must have whenever i work :)

there's a stupid joke behind the nuts too.

hahaha.

contact lens arrived on friday.

and i dont have the time to travel down to collect :(

mehhhh :(

perhaps tmr or wed....

silly girl sent me this yesterday.

hahahaha that said, everyone was in love with my dress that night!

damn, i should have saved it for this weekend instead.

hahahaha

anyway, really bored at work, so formspring me then! :)

http://www.formspring.me/eilslie

X came back last week to celebrate his mum's bday.

only catch up with him for 1hour plus?

and he left for bkk one week to party.

anyway, really glad i have a nutcracker by my side this while.

and something i picked up.

i will write a whole post full of stuff about things i wanna say and shouldnt say.

then i delete them off.

i just wanna make myself feel better but i dont want to let some people see it.

and it really works.

hahahaha.

anyway, i dont even wish to expose your lies.

not worth my efforts.

im feeling happier each day!

though i have my emo times once awhile.

but yeah, definitely a big improvement!

love you alllll <3

Hangoverrrrr

2012-03-04T13:53:00.000+08:00

omg my hangover can killllllllllllllllll

left phuture at 1 yesterday.

and me and smlj, took turns to puke in the cab.

hahahah wtfff

NO MORE NEXT TIME.

told someone i'll only drink coke next week.

haha.

anddd finally saw dex after so long!

that idiot got my number from weixiang just to ask me over to the bridge,

to ask ONE STUPID QUESTION.

i dont know to laugh or cry when he asked me.

and i just wanted to punch him as i rolled my eyes.

oh wells, young boysssss.

although i couldnt eh wah with them, but next time lah k!

pretty moody recently, but finally felt tad better after yesterday.

drunk, but happy and loved. :)

Distance

2012-02-29T12:59:00.000+08:00

so... been really distracted at work.

lots of errors.

what's happening eilsssss.

finally caught a movie on monday.

hoping for another one on thursday :)

a lot of things i wanna say but i can't.

aiight, back to work.

and my dearest smlj, please cheer up!

love you (:

How can I love, When I'm afraid to fall

2012-02-27T15:48:00.000+08:00

Life has been, passable..

got good got bad.

the ups the downs.

oh wells, im still alive at the very least..

last week otw to work.

the taxi driver was really reckless.

there were like thrice?

other vehicles were like 3cm away from me.

and other vehicles honked the cab like 8 times?

i actually lost count cos i panicked.

saturday, i woke up feeling upset.

nothing big happen.

but it's just the hollow empty feeling i get.

girls, we are all emotional creatures.

beth accompanied to phuture.

together with jesslyn, lyna, sweetie & ax.

though we got separated again, and again.... haha.

i like that phuture makes me feel like home with all the familiar faces.

bouncers poking fun of you.

and knowing almost half the people on the dancefloor.

amazing.

haha.

and the little surprise from my vampire kid with soft hair <3

anyway, check out my new boyfriend below.

Miss Lim yo.

this crazy girl whatsapp and spam me every morning sometimes with her pictures!

when im not tired, i'll reply and fall back into my slumber.

sometimes i just let my phone buzz beside my pillow while i carry on my dreams.

but the love i feel, appreciated badly.

it's nice, to wake up and feel loved.

very very nice.

although im afraid that my greatest fear will come true.

drifting apart after she starts work.

but pretty glad those impromptu supper dates and calls everyday makes up for the absence.

i love you so much, i guess it's the quarrels and negativity that actually builds up the love we have had for each other.

i'm glad you never gave up on this friendship,

and i'm glad i never did too (:

thanks for being around, thanks for not leaving.

and im thankful, that no matter how upset or angry we're at with each other,

we never exchange malicious hurtful texts that'll harm each other.

more wet dreams of me k (:

i am flawed, prolly badly flawed in others opinion.

but i am real.

i have my own insecurities, have my own emotions.

i am pampered.

but i am contented, most of the time.

contented that i'm leading a good life.

contented i don't have any financial woes.

contented my family is growing tighter as time passes by.

ironically, my broken family isn't broken.

it was broken when we were together as one.

but it doesn't feel broken now that it is broken.

if you get what i mean.

ok, and i coughed blood.

it's not pool of blood like how u see in the movies.

but spots of clots and yes.

COUGH YOU OWNED ME.

im dragging my ass to see a doc.

actually, im just used to being in a shelter.

whenever im sick mdk would be the one accompanying me to the doc's.

i didn't want to get off this comfort zone i guess.

anyway, mummy is accompanying me.

heh <3

i think i'm happier these few weeks?

i'm surrounded by hilarious people who makes me smile everyday.

you all know who you are.

thank you. :)

but the insecure me, just gets too paranoid.

afraid that this euphoria won't last.

very very afraid.

Work~

2012-02-23T01:59:00.001+08:00

work, so far is very enjoyable (:

tad busy, but worth working hard for.

awesome boss, awesome companionship on sat (:

my boss, my employee, my friend. <3

and when i walked into the storeroom,

ROFL....

this is so epic!

i also wanna do this leh.

hahaha.

pleasant surprise at work today.

those eyes are the moles.

okay, and i just spent my this month pay on ASOS sales.

wooohooooooo~

MEH.

spent quality time today with 3 of my lovely ones.

greatly appreciated.

aiight, busy week.

and, father lee is really angry with me over my cough.

gotta see the doc soon.

IM FINALLY TIRED!

BED TIME.

toodles xx.

Demolition Lovers

2012-02-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day (:

Lovely surprise from someone lovely.

totally touched when i received this, muahs.

i have the loveliest monitress (:

so it was spent with the same people i spent 4 years ago with!

NTU HALL V THE STUPIDS REUNITE!

and yeah,

we are the champions!

^____^

C for Champion.

C for Clarence.

I think he's stupidly happily enjoying all those attention.

please study hard and graduate my babies!

im looking forward to both of you de convocation & grad trip!

and here you go,

my dosage of happiness everyday.

so kawaiiiii right!

and the other night, came home and told daddy me and girlgirl wants abalone maggie mee.

hehehehe.

i love gazing and playing with raindrops.

but i hate such raindrops.

they look like virus....

to me.

was browsing facebook yesterday night and saw this pic.

those happy times.

hmm.

Hand in mine, into your icy blues.

And then i'd say to you, we could take to the highway.

i know i'm gonna lose someone dear to me soon.

and i just wanna hide, and avoid.

reality sucks huh?

will you be afraid to grow too attached to someone,

cos the fear of losing him / her will be too overwhelming?

well, shouldn't fear this way.

no fear, no love.

haha.

come at me bro!

Aloof

2012-02-21T17:31:00.000+08:00

Anyway smlj texted me something that really made me ponder.

That aside.

Realized something.
The one who gained from all these. Someone else.
I'm not happy. He's not happy. She's happy.
She knows I'm unhappy. She thinks he's happy. She's happy.

Talked to triangle last Saturday.
Words from someone wise, really.

That said, don't call me please my friends!
My cough really sucks and the moment I only feel better is when I don't talk.
Serious.
And each time I speak, I just cough like madddddd.

Everybody is urging me to see a doc.
I think.
I'm just stubborn.

So horribly sick

2012-02-21T13:44:00.002+08:00

Can I like kaobeikaobeikaobeikaobeikaobeiiiiii

Dafuq?!

2012-02-17T04:21:00.000+08:00

I envy people who can 一觉睡到天亮。

It's 4. And it's the third time I woke up from my sleep.
I concussed before 12 anyway.
Do I really need to club till 5 then i can have an undisturbed sleep till the next day?
Sigh......

And my cough. Sucks.
Mummy bought me tablets cos she knew I hate syrup.
In the end, they were effervescent tablets!!!!!
Dafuq! Damn.
I wanna gag after I downed that thing. Tottes.

And my lil sis. Exams stressing her out man.
She cried that night over the meh stressful family dinner. And she grab me yesterday while sleeping. And she just grab me again. In her sleep.

I kaobei alot when I'm sick. While I used to have someone I can sajiao to.

Anyway fucking du LAN cos starhub cancelled my scv and Internet AGAIN.
Dafuq?!?!?!
I really feel like calling and kan then person tmr. But nah.
He / she also not the one who suspended the services.
I shall email. Nabei my life without tv suck can.
And my laughing gor how?!!!

Kah Lai says insomnia is a sigh of depression. Is this considered insomnia?
I have depression.
Be nice to me.

Yeah Man.

2012-02-14T01:09:00.002+08:00

My Space, Breathe.

2012-02-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday at work.

lili really like those fur balls stuff i swear.

new pen to use anyway!

work was busy, slack, busy, slack.

no jacky nor jackson either. meh :(

but i was occupied.

till i knock off.

and i lost my way in bugis.

cos i was upset, thinking about u, thinking about us.

i proved to you.

i proved you wrong.

i don't need a guy during vday.

im alone, and i still can survive.

i proved you wrong.

and your calls, your texts, just affect me.

why?

when you had all the others, i was alone.

i was fucking alone, fucking broken.

i was by myself, when you had them.

Suck Away My Soul

2012-02-13T16:54:00.001+08:00

i want this on my nails leh.

possible?

with extensions also.

HAHAH.

im so demanding....

last week at xin wang.

the porridge sucked.

cine one taste soo much better.

haha.

why my friend like this.

why i like this.

there's a video actually.

will upload when i have the time...

actually i do have time.

oh wells.

MEH.

woke up. feeling extremely nua.

dreamt of mdk.

dreamt lili passed me $2.50 and asked me to transfer to mdk.

for helping her sell clothes the other time.

like commission.

and im like. $2.50?

250. 520. 025. 052.

why did i even came up with $2.50?

damn.

underworld with smlj yesterday after work.

i was so damn tired.

but underworld was damn good.

i really missed cuddling in the cinema.

le sighhhhhh..

she said she'll cuddle me next time.

heh.

she knows im unhappy, and she's trying to spend time with me despite people fucking with her life.

so yeah, greatly appreciated.

and.. doesnt help when i read things people wrote with regards to him.

i just thank god i didn't succumb to anything.

and i carried on being emo.

lol.

i need someone to be infatuated with me.

i need someone to serenade me.

i need love.

so someone, where are you?

meh. i'd been coughing for a week.

sucks.

bah. i need another job.

so i can tire myself out everyday.

我要累垮了

2012-02-12T12:58:00.000+08:00

好累哦。

I think I'm finally reaching my threshold.
Didn't wanna wake up for work just now.
Cabbing now, but cos I'm topping up clothes.
Too heavy to be in the mrt I swear.

I managed to tire myself out I guess.

Watched chronicles on Friday night.
Then walked all the way to MBS from cine -.-
But we were at the helix bridge and I gave up.
Lol.

Work is fucking busy on sat
Phuture-d and I'm happy smlj is happy.

It's Sunday.
I used to love Sundays :(

I miss planning what movies to watch, sleeping till I get morning call from him to prepare. Dressing up and choosing what to wear the night before.
I miss him every fucking moment and it sucked.

I guess moving on really suck when u keep rushing.

Ok shall power nap in the cab now.

Ugh

2012-02-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

Dude. Grow up.

Did u honestly get kicked out from CjC cos u duplicate mcs for classmates.
Or just cos your results suck?

Oh and who was the dead drunk whose parents had to call the ambulance and sent him to a&e?

And whose family is rich yet can't even bear to spend on the gf?

I'm sorry if you think girls like you for your money.
For girls who need to like you for your money.
You gotta spend on them first.

Your immaturity takes a toll on me despite being a third party.

Don't go telling tales just to amplify your awesome-ness.

Hate it when guys act like dicks.

Full Moon

2012-02-10T01:44:00.001+08:00

last last week.

cb3, cb2, cb1.

and we recruited cb4.

heh :)

stand in for baby ferm at work today.

busy.

but i dunno, when im working, i don't have much appetite.

cos once i'm free to eat, i think of unhappy stuff.

end up, only finish half my beehoon.

meh.....

thai bbq at golden mile again.

thank you lili huay & ah xian & ah girl :)

and, dearest lili gave me this rabbit fur ball and hkitty casing.

i love her so much.

^____^

and smlj, thanks too (:

just in case you don't know the reason.

i'm different because i'm real.

and, i love working cos i can ogle at jacky & jackson & tammy.

MAJOR EYECANDIES AT SUP.

wahahahaha.

i'm still having bad insomnia lately.

and i dreamt of mdk consecutively for 2 days.

i woke up at 10.

work the whole day.

and im still not tired.

what's wrong with me?!

and isa baby,

why you no buy the t&c necklace :(

meh. so unhappy.

at least i know i'll be occupied for the week.

jj's baby shower tmr.

work on sat & sunday.

jiayou eils.

jiayou.

and stupid ah black.

he really never buy me flowers on valentine day.

nabei turban.

HAHAHAHA.

i was telling them i never ever received flowers on vday.

cos it's expensive.

i usually get it before or after vday but not on that day itself.

but shiok what.

i ask him buy me one stalk of rose he also never buy.

turban.

lil sis is flirting incessantly with the bf over the phone.

meh.

im a green eye monster.

work.

2012-02-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

monday at work :)

i actually wanna work everyday.

so i can occupy myself with stuffs.

and not be emo.

heh.

it was good though!

an angmoh took pictures of my nails.

although its very annoying to have kua zhang nails,

but it feels good whenever people praise my nails pretty or random strangers wanna take pics of it.

hehehe.

ok, so as a worker.

please drop my 35 haji lane and shop at Online ShopperS! :)

im working every Sunday and some weekdays! ^^

aiight.

today was, meh.

i constantly feel lonely and keep reminding myself NOT to be affected by anything i read or see.

meh.

why am i still not tired :(

kah says insomnia is also a sign of depression.

haha.

I am superwoman.

2012-02-07T03:46:00.000+08:00

Meh.
Fell down in school today.
Raining and the floor was so slippery.
Cried. Not cos of the pain.
But just think everything is so fucked up.

Oh and not to mention the calls I get during lessons.
Major downer.

Blogged about it. But saved it.
I dunno. Some people really don't deserve any attention.
Puerile piece of junk.
And a coward who constantly feels threatened and think guys around my friend wants to taunt him.
Meh. Still wanna rant, but till then.

I'd used my brain cells for 17 hours straight.
And I'm still not tired.
Sigh.
Guess insomnia really is a problem for emo people like me.

Bahhhhhhh

2012-02-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

Its raining.
My cab fare is near to $20.
Horrible jam.
I'm late for school.

Anyway saw this hello kitty happy meal thingy from a friend's instagram.
Singapore now macs having it?
I want sia....

Qinaide told me kpp once went macs to eat happy meal alone.
Just to get the toy for her.

Meh.
So sweet right.

I also want.

The Zs

2012-02-06T16:43:00.001+08:00

Recently I have a lot of Zs in my phone.

I guess I really need distractions.

and twilight really have awesome songs.

at work now.

keeping myself very occupied.

lunch was 2 curry puff, 1 chicken wing, 3 crab claws.

but i only eat 1 each.

shall save the rest for lili huay.

i think the weight gain i had over that short lived happy week,

is gonna be gone soon.

the number of times i feel like crying today.

countless.

side note, this really cute guy came shopping with his gf.

the angmoh mistook his for the shop assistant instead.

and i looked at him and laughed.

yeah, the only time i laughed today so far.

ok. i still feel like crying.

2 more hours and im going to school.

i hope mr chia will cheer me up.

hahaha.

and i dunno. i think even iphone wanna play me.
i deleted the conversation.
then i saw his name in the messages list.
and i thought he sent me a blank msg.
THOUGHT.

ok. back to work and emo-ing.

the idea

2012-02-06T02:33:00.000+08:00

of not completed assignments.

of debts to clear.

of school tmr.

of no morning call for work.

S-U-C-K-S.

im emo-ing.......

refunded.

and subconsiously transferred $5+ to my payee.

and the change in digit in my balance.

sucks.

im cushioned.

but it's not enough to make me feel better.

If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem. It's reality.

2012-02-06T01:08:00.001+08:00

work.

where my boss was late for an hour and i was starving outside the shop.

hahaha.

but it was tiring, and kept me occupied.

don't have time to emo.

anyway, had been spending more time with my nieces recently.

and i think im no longer biased towards nel.

i tend to spend more time with lia nowadays.

but both of them are still very adorable, still my happy pies <3

in case u dont know what i did.

i stuffed the balls into her dress and gave her boobs.

i did this to both nel & her.

hahahahaha.

C cup ftw!!

and i feel like jiaozi now.

a very unhappy jiaozi. :(

after work, went golden mile for thai bbq with the bosses.

their treat! yay!

but i was the lightbulb between the 2 couples.

and i cant help but feeling upset,

the only time i eat bbq is when someone's there to bbq for me.

today there is, but it just didn't feel right.

but, thankful for them nonetheless <3

especially mr ah xian.

hahaha.

had been feeling very unhappy these few days.

i either cry myself to sleep.

or get myself drunk and ko.

lol.

work again tmr!

i plan my timetable so full.

i just hope i don't have the time to emo.

i dread this year's valentine.

knowing it'll be the day he's proposing to her just make me wanna gag.

ugh.

i felt really offended and insulted when someone said i just want a guy for vday.

little did he know that i actually dread vday.

not cos im single.

and, i actually have school that day.

ok, i'll spent it with mel.

then i'll crash his lecture and flirt with his classmates.

that's the plan (i haven even ask if he need to acc his gf anot).

LOL.

ugh. fucking unhappy.

going back to do assignments.

oh and back to her.

the world is so small.

and when people i met bring her up.

i just feel ............

a mixture of complicating emotions i guess.

im in an abyss of misery.

meh.

even meh makes me sad now cos someone innovated it into mah.

wtf.

Mah

2012-02-04T01:01:00.000+08:00

The last memory stays.
I think I was hoping for something.
But I guess when nothing came.
And I read other things.
Decision made I guess.

Anyway today mummy was telling me some personal issues in the family.
Asking me to spend more time with my aunt.
And listening to her whine about other things.

But meh. I always like avoiding such things.

Don't really like brooding over the idea that I'll be losing someone close soon.

#1060

2012-02-03T13:09:00.000+08:00

why are all men so dumb.
and irresponsible.

so the starhub personnel said daddy had an outstanding bill.
which is weird.
but neh mind.
he reconnected the line and everything.

then i called daddy and asked why he never pay the bills.
he said he paid.
so i said, i already ask the starhub person to issue another bill with details.

then all my dad can say is.
'CALL AND SCOLD THEM LA'

honestly?

everytime starhub gives us trouble,
all he can say is call and scold them.
but who's the one calling?
ME.

i don't like it.

in the end, i still called.
and asked them nicely to check through the outstanding bill.

but. its for this month.

so there is actually no outstanding bill at all.

then.
WHY SUSPEND MY SERVICES??????

sighhhhhh

men. do they always say the first thing that come to their mind without thinking how stupid it may sound?

I'm still a kid

2012-02-03T12:37:00.000+08:00

Have u ever broke down and cry due to trivial issues?

I always do. Especially when I dunno who to whine to.

So. I burnt myself with the stove.
Daddy went genting and give me the duty of lighting incense every morning and night.
To me. Who doesn't know how to use a lighter. And not well with matchsticks.
Meh.
So I used the stove.
And it burnt me.
Bloody stove.
I hate fire. And I hate things that are fiery hot. Meh.

And. Internet and scv is still down!!!
And I can't find where is the other Internet box.
Nobody is helping so I can't call starhub either.

I really can use a hug right now.
Going to mummy house to hug my nieces.

These sucks.

Don't Judge

2012-02-03T01:39:00.003+08:00

I pretty much don't like it when other girls judge me.

U know.
I can dig out alot of stuff.
I pretty much like the title 'psycho ex gf' too.
Lol.
Yeah. I really am psycho.

So yeah. I had been seeing mdk recently.
Trying to see if things can work.
Cos I still love him. And he said he still loved me alot too.
So no harm trying right?
So obviously I asked him to stop contacting the girls in his life that affects me.
I know I'm selfish.
But I just feel very insecure especially the thought that the girls like him.
He said he will earn my trust back.
And I really appreciate all the things he did for me.

Is it selfish of me?
That I want to protect myself at the expense of maybe hurting him?

Honestly, I know he might feel happier if he hang out with them.

But I'm just annoyed.
When one of them constantly tweet emo sad tweets and self praise herself publicly.
Or even say things like 'an ex is a past, shouldn't let them haunt you'
Something near there.

I'm actually constantly jealous and insecure.
This explains why I am so selfish too.

But just now, I pissed mdk off again.
I cancelled on him and I guessed that really disappoint him.
I chose to hang out with my friends though me and him already made plans earlier on.

Yes, I can't commit to him anymore.
But it's cos he ain't my bf.
I'm very afraid of putting in too much for him again and end up getting hurt.

So I end up hurting him.
And I felt really bad.

Is there a win win situation for us?

Cos for these 3 months.
It's either I end up ignoring him first.
Or him ignoring me.
What's the point of this cycle?
And not to mention all the shit that happened within these 3months.

But what annoyed me is that girls tweet as usual.
And I really wanna rant.
Cos I feel she is constantly Trying to prove that she will be a better choice for him.

Or when I read 'I still miss those precious moments'
Can I kill her?

Can I just have someone who has 0 girls in his life?

Anyway I guess he prolly ranted in his twitter too which is why she's constantly hinting him to move on.

And time will tell if she's a better choice than me wont it?
Why is she constantly trying to say how nice she is.
If she really is an angel.
Why are the rumors I hear about her are all negative?
Ok I'm just being really bitchy here.
But which girl aint?
I'm not going to act like a saint and contain my disdain for her.

I abhor the things she say. To the max.

Is it how sales woman clinch deals?
Asking him to let go, then trying to hard sell herself.

I'm overwhelmed by her love.

It's actually just being fan Jian.
She likes him cos he doesn't like her (my guess)
But what's with the sacrifices?

She says till like she is very wei qu and she put in alot.
Oh really?

And all in my head now is the PRECIOUS TIMES.
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Truth is.
I'm not treating him as well as
I should now.
And I don't deny.

I just hope that one day he can understand its not I don't appreciate him.
But it's just not the best timing for us now.
Meh.

And yes one day I'll regret like what he says.

But well
If u can handle me at my worst
Then You will deserve me at my best.

Bah.

It's not like I'm feeling happy that I upset him.

And he most likely tweets things like say maybe it's time to let go.

So I am so annoyed when I read that girls tweet again.

If u dunno anything about us.
Can u just shut up?

Oh wells.

LIFE.

I gave him shit.
And the girl who wants to be in his life so desperately gives me shit back.

Well done.

Bah. I hate her.

But I hate myself most.
Ugh.