“To keep our face toward change and behave like a free spirit in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

This quote from Helen Keller caused me to stop flipping through a book and reflect on her wisdom.

- The wisdom of looking toward, not away from the shifts that are coming, being aware and alert, and not complacent.

- Accept and acknowledge that change is part of our humanness, and not something to use up our precious energy on being stuck in fear about.

There is this internal messaging of scary “what if’s” of fearful self-talk, said over and over again that can happen when the possibility of change appears.

What if instead we were to act like free spirits?

- Trusting that we are smart, capable and strong in spirit?

- Reflecting on our accomplishments, survival, and being journeyers of life that have already come so far.

- Choosing the thoughts that we focus on in place of the trap of repetitive, fearful stories of what might happen – simply chosen out of habit.

I think that Helen would agree that to be inquisitive and to choose your place in light of whatever comes is a position of strength that envelops the self in the freedom of humanness, opening up options that otherwise would not exist.

May you choose to be a forward-thinking free spirit,  bold and open to the changes that will be a part of your life this day.

Thinking back on your school days, who were your friends? What groups did you value or want to be like? Concerned about your children and who they hangout with? Who you associate with matters not just as an impressionable adolescent, but throughout our lives as we take on the demeanor, motivations, and drive of others that surround us. New research by Ronald Friedman, Ph.D. and colleagues at the University of Rochester showed that working with someone else that was highly motivated sparked enhanced motivation for all group members. The opposite was also true; someone lacking drive or motivation plummeted the team’s performance. Most surprisingly, study subjects did not even need to be talking with each other, just being in close proximity to the individual with motivation or lack thereof impacted all team member’s performance. Perhaps you have felt this with groups that you are associated with such as friends, a professional society local chapter, or your department at work?

This phenomena is called “motivational synchronicity” and it is a tool that can be tapped into for an improved work and life journey. Ronald Friedman in Psychology Today notes how important this can be when choosing your workplace, “By choosing to spend the majority of our waking hours with a particular set of people, we not only determine the tenor of our daily experiences, we are defining the person who we will eventually become”.

Now that we know there is scientific evidence for the influence of an individual within a group – just as our parents were concerned about when we started hanging out with the jocks, nerds, or others – how can this be used to positively augment our lives? I propose the following, keeping Dr Friedman’s thoughts in mind that those surrounding you can strongly impact who you will become:

- Consider who you will be working with and not just your title or pay when looking for a new position or job

-Seek out those that are living the life that you desire and find creative ways to make them part of your life now

-Think about those people that are part of your current life sphere. Do they align with your best self or drag your downward? Perhaps some association pruning of these folks would benefit your motivational synchronicity

Stumped by an issue? According to brain researchers focusing intensely on a problem and potential solutions will not result in the best answer. Doodling, daydreaming, listening to music or other methods of distraction and immersion into unfamiliar situations actually aid in enhanced decision making. Apparently broadening the scope of our focus into the the unrelated sparks unconscious patterns in decision making.

In a related study interleaving resulted in 50% higher test scores for students. Interleaving involves studying one aspect of an item for a short period of time and then switching to another related item, and continuing this process until all of the subject matter is covered. Cramming on a specific topic intensely the night before testing per Robert Bjork, Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UCLA, does not best prepare you for testing. In an interview he explained that, “If information is studied so that it can be interpreted in relation to other things in your memory, learning is much more powerful”.

An example of this could be when you are learning a new skill, lets say….snowboarding. Interleaving would involve trying skating, stopping, steering, and gliding in one learning session. Over time the sum of your snowboarding skills would be greater than your mastery of just gliding and stopping with your snowboard. And, the slopes would be a much safer place too!

I know that I have had answers to lingering issues suddenly pop into my head once I move my attention off the task at hand ,and instead look at a beautiful a cloud against a pink sunset. This has also happened shortly after I have taken a nap. Have you experienced this? An analogy may be peripheral vision, or how when looking into a blackened night sky you actually see more stars when they are not looked at directly. Sometimes the indirect approach reveals more.

I am contemplating how this could be applied to the work world and to personal life. What are your thoughts about interleaving for learning or using broadened, diverse focus to solve an issue? Share your thoughts here on this blog. I would love to hear what you are thinking.

I grew up in the family floral business, working summers and holidays caring for beautiful blooming plants. My father and grandmother taught me how to divide a plant that had overgrown its pot to make two plants, thin seedlings, and to disbud at just the right time to create a desirable, blooming plant. Disbudding involves removing many of the smaller buds, leaving a balanced few so that the plants energy would be more focused into a couple of buds, resulting in fewer but larger blossoms.

I recently read the book Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud, in which he relates the necessary pruning of plant foliage for improved growth to letting go of things that do not serve us in our lives. He explains how holding out false hope that things will change and being fearful of letting go is what keeps us stuck. Learning to end things that no longer work for you and learning from them can help to move beyond behavior patterns that may have held you back.

To help with “disbudding” your life:

1. Identify where you want to be or what you want. Ideally, what would your best life look like? I am offering you a free worksheet that can help with this process. Just email me at susan@yourightlife.com to get your copy.

2. Accept that everything is always evolving. This is the essence of life. If you can see this then the many changes in your life will flow much more smoothly.

3. Spend some time thinking about and write down what you can and cannot change. Once you have your list work on those things that you can change. Taking the smallest steps possible will keep you moving towards your right life.

Decisions can sometimes feel difficult to make, such as if I should take another job in my field of experience, or make the move to a position that I would love but pays less. Make a career out of a hobby or stay with the known? Sometimes we wait until some future magic time to indulge in what we love (which may never arrive) instead of digging into it today. What if it were possible to have both things? I believe that in many cases you can right now, and that it really does not have to be one thing or another. Instead of either/or thinking a choice can be made to frame it as a __________and _________ decision. Feels better doesn’t it? So lets say that you do take a position in your field of expertise yet dedicate more time to writing music or blogs, taking pictures or volunteering at the dog rescue shelter, or whatever makes you feel joyful. By putting more of what you love into your life right now the job is somehow lighter in importance, yet you can sustain while looking for a position that does incorporate more of what you enjoy. In doing so the possibilities for joy in your current day expand.

If you are trying to decide between options try asking yourself:

1. Is it true that this is an either/or question or situation? Keep an open mind and answer as honestly as possible.

2. Think about how you can play with creating an answer that is a _________and____________ solution.

3. List several _________and________ideas.

4. Test your response to your ideas. How does your body feel when you focus on each pairing? Does it feel positive or feasible?

Angie* had been miserable ever since the changes at work. After a recent company acquisition there was a “restructuring”; in other words several people including Angie had been shifted around into different and unfamiliar roles. Unhappy, she had reached out for help.

She told me several times about feeling underappreciated, and that she was sure that this was the first move towards being let go. The ironic thing was that she was considered a star performer and critical to the organization. Her comfort level and openness to change however, was quite limited.

We worked together to assess the scope of this job change, break it apart, and look for nuggets that could play to her favor in moving foward. Two things stood out that had the potential for growth; managing another employee, plus working in a new product area in which she did not have experience. She would have the opportunity to broaden her field of expertise.

Angie shifted her perspective to focusing on the benefits of the new situation and began to see how continuing to fight the change really only hurt her, and had no influence on the corporate decision at all.

I like to call this “going with the flow”. It does not mean giving up or succumbing. It involves finding a path that serves you when a situation is thrust upon you. Another option for Angie could have involved looking for a position outside the company. Or, if she had been let go, we would have worked together to assess her strengths, build on her network, establish a brand, and hone-in her strategies to increase her readiness to find a new job.

Either way, working through this process put her in control and she no longer felt like a victim of the circumstances. Instead of using her energy to fight against reality, she applied herself to areas of the new role that were appealing.

What a positive improvement I saw in her as she worked to first adjust to the change and then make it work to her favor.

Reflection:

• How do you deal with sudden changes in your work life, or in personal matters?
• Are there ways you can use whatever change you are facing now to your benefit?

What if you shifted your energy to flowing with the change. What might the result look like?

*”Angie” is a pseudonym derived from a confidential composite of several clients.

Change is inevitable. We all know this. But, it can still cause fear, worry, stress, and late night sleeplessness.

All of these reactions are so draining and our thoughts and imaginations may actually far surpass the reality of the situation. But the emotion and pain in your body is real.

However, if you look back into your past you will find examples of when you were strong and dealt with change. Inside each of us resides a capable person who has proven that they can move with the ebb and flow of life and it’s uncertainty. If this were not true you would not be here now, reading this.

What might some past examples of your strength look like? Was it when you…

reached out to someone for help when there was a crisis,

became creative in finding new ways to cut expenses or sell things so that you could provide for your family,

were assertive with a bully picking on a child,

spoke out at a city council meeting,

or asked for what you wanted.

(Insert your own personal experience here)

*Please do take a moment right now and make a list of times when you showed resolve*

The pathway to survival in tough and challenging times may actually be inside of you and tapping into this memory can help to empower you to deal with the present. In place of thinking that you are a victim, can you draw on a past proof of personal empowerment? Yes, I think you already have and will again.

Repeat after me, “Even though someone else or a circumstance shifts a situation counter to my needs, and it hurts or feels like an attack, I deeply and completely accept myself, and know that I can draw on my core strength and courage to navigate my way through this situation”.

My ailment includes map reading. I actually took a course in college on map reading, something that my husband cannot believe due to some of our road trip experiences. I recall that I did pass the map reading course, but I believe it was because I excelled in the map-folding component of the curriculum.

I am amazed when traveling with others (walking, driving) and they just seem  to “know” how to navigate. My husband uses the sun and some silly  6th sense (the one missing from my chromosomes) to traverse along.

All along I believed that everyone else did not make navigational mistakes, but then I realized that this is just not true. Others were not perfect either. I began to see drivers making u-turns and cars pulled over, drivers looking at maps. What was different is that I froze up when less-than-perfect instead of going with the flow, asking for help, or re-setting my course.

I was trying hard to be perfect and in control. Losing control made me feel vulnerable and weak. Now I know that no one is perfect, we all get lost and it is what we do once lost that matters.

Today I use my GPS to navigate and about 95% of the time things go pretty smoothly. I also carry a phone and call others for guidance if needed. I  now reach out reach out for help – I do not need to do this or any other difficult task alone. And this is where the lesson resides.

The Lesson

There will always be tough or scary times when we feel vulnerable or lost. One can muster up all of your courage and faculties and work hard to defend or find a passage through the situation alone feeling anxious, or ask another for help. Reaching out to another lifts the feelings of aloneness, fearfulness, or anxiety. In my vulnerable lost situations it is others that have pulled me through to a more secure place. And not just in navigating.

Perhaps humans were designed to not be fully capable in all situations or perfect, so that we would need to connect with our fellow travelers to find our way home.

Meanwhile, I keep my GPS charged and my gas tank full, just in case…

I know that Memorial Day is approaching because a veteran is selling lapel poppies outside the grocery store. I don’t do well in tracking holidays, so I am appreciative for this reminder to stop and be grateful for those who have come before me; those who served in war and lost their lives, and for others who came home forever changed by their experience. And, grateful for many others as well.

Just imagine for a moment all the generations that lived before us. What were they like? What was important to them? All of these people who we will never know and some that we do such as our parents or grandparents, made decisions that ultimately led up to us being here in this space at this time in the Earth’s history. My grandfather who died before I was born settled in northern Minnesota to farm, but the soil was too poor to grow crops so he moved the family, including my mother to southern Minnesota. My father’s parents met in Hannibal, Missouri, were married, and for some unknown reason moved to Minneapolis to start a floral business and raise my father and his three brothers. Later, my father and two of his brothers would serve in World War II all at the same time. After the war it was in Minneapolis that my parents met (something having to do with the floral business…) got married, and raised me and my three sisters.  I know that there were lots of thoughts and decisions involved in just these few examples from my family history that will always remain a mystery, and if they had not occurred I would not be here or be living the life I hold today.

It makes me wonder how what I think, and how I act today will influence not only my life but future generations. Daily we are all faced with so many thoughts and decisions. What do I believe, value, and act on?

Memorial Day is a reminder that each of us has significant influence on future generations, and I believe holds a special purpose or a reason for being right where we are today. What you do with your life, what you believe, how you treat others is very important and each day we get to choose. Are you using your talents, following your unique path, or working to get to where you want to be? Today is your day to reflect, set a course,  and then take the bravest step forward, making decisions at the crossroads in life. Just as generations of our forefathers did.

“To discover what we’re meant to do-what it is that will really make us happy-and what we want to do with it for the sake of the rest of the world is the very apex of life.” Joan Chittister

I recently interviewed an entrepreneur friend of mine who developed a novel product. Ultimately he wanted to sell the device, recoup his investment, and make a nice profit. He had success in gaining the attention of a few companies but it was an uphill battle, and not moving forward as he had hoped.

AND THEN HE HAD A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH!

I interviewed him to learn what happened and to glean ideas to help in overcoming obstacles in our lives.

Q. Explain what happened to you. What was the breakthrough?

A. I was invited by a friend to join him at a small sandwich shop on a Saturday night. A customer of his was bringing an old friend along who wanted to see if this particular sandwich was as exceptional as he’d been told over the years. The visitor was from overseas and he wanted someone else there to help carry the conversation. I really did not want to go, and my spouse wasn’t thrilled either, but we decided we’d do it as a favor so we went. Turns out he mystery guest had been considering getting into the field in which I’d been working, and had a keen interest in the product. He not only “got” my vision for the product, he believed it and enthusiastically embraced the potential it presented. Before I knew it, he had invited me to join him on several business meetings with his associates. At first I thought he was kidding, or that I just misunderstood him, but he was very serious. I decided to take the chance, and it has turned into a series of fantastic experiences and opportunities, both here and abroad.

Q. What came about as a result?

A. I joined him for several meetings where I was introduced to many very impressive and accomplished individuals from various walks of life. These were not just business people, but also scientists, intellectuals, authors, artists, and more. My world had expanded dramatically, and I was learning from each of these encounters. The end result is that we have developed a relationship that has brought us to seriously consider how we might work together to realize my product’s potential.

Q. Why do you think this happened when it did, and what do you want us all to know about this experience?

A. Actually, it was not my love of these sandwiches that brought opportunity, but my willingness to be open to the possibilities that the world may offer, even if it’s not on my radar or schedule. I could never have dreamt up this scenario, let alone planned for it. Serendipity isn’t a strategy. Opportunity doesn’t always knock. But if you have faith in your instincts, and follow the unmapped road, it will take you to an interesting fork. Then, as Yogi Berrra famously said, “Take it”!

Sue’s Key Thoughts

As I listened to my friend a few things really struck me as to how and why this shift happened for him:

BELIEF

First, he had a product that he really believed in and was passionate about.

CONSISTENCY

He pursued selling his product and did not stop although the companies he approached so far were not interested enough to buy it.

CONNECTEDNESS AND OPENNESS

He was open to helping his friend when asked and open to possibilities of new encounters.

INSTINCT

He listened to his instincts and followed them.