Neglected as she moved from one relative’s home to the next, Kristin, 12, entered state custody when she was only 2 years old. She was also exposed to domestic violence, sexual abuse and drug addiction.

Kristin spent a year in Youth Villages’ intensive residential treatment to address challenging behaviors. Meanwhile, John and Melissa Miller were training to become foster parents.

“The timing was meant to be,” Melissa said. “We didn’t know what to expect as new foster parents, but Kristin captured our hearts. By the end of our first weekend together, we couldn’t imagine life without her.”

With consistent and attentive parenting, Kristin’s defiance disappeared. John and Melissa signed an intent to adopt as quickly as possible. Eight days later, the adoption was finalized.

“Being Kristin’s mother feels like I am fulfilling my calling,” Melissa said. “John and I find pure joy in providing the love and support she has always deserved.”

Melissa and John enrolled Kristin in horseback riding lessons. Kristin wants to become a veterinarian, and they regularly volunteer at the local animal hospital. Kristin’s grades have never been better, and she looks forward to attending private school in the fall.

“This happy ending reflects the amazing teamwork of Youth Villages and the Department of Children’s Services,” said Joli LaRoche, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “Thanks to everyone’s efforts, Kristin found her forever family.”

Emily, 11, has always had a bubbly personality. When she entered Megan and Joey’s adoptive home, she was nervous about staying with strangers, but they made her feel right at home.

“Within hours of arriving at our house, Emily came out of her shell and became the bright and happy girl she naturally is,” Megan said. “She clicked with our family immediately.”

Despite Emily’s cheerful demeanor, Megan could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Emily was so determined to make the best out of her situation,” Megan said. “She was masking a lot of hidden darkness and trauma that had not been addressed.”

Emily grew up in an abusive home. The years of neglect and sexual abuse caused extreme anxiety. In Megan and Joey’s home, she had the loving environment to begin the challenging work of coping with her past.

“Emily mentioned several times that she feels safe with Megan and Joey,” said Amanda Bowers, Youth Villages family intervention specialist. “This security is why she has made such progress emotionally.”

For the first time since leaving her biological home, Emily was willing and motivated to work through her past. Amanda taught her coping skills for her anxiety. She learned to relax and feel comfortable talking through her feelings.

“With time, love, trust and therapy, Emily’s fears and anxiety have decreased significantly,” Megan said. “After being here for more than a year, she is no longer consumed by anxiety. She is at peace.”

“Her doctors didn’t think she would survive,” said Kristyn Vanderland, Youth Villages foster care counselor. “Jason and Kealy have been a huge part of Desmae’s recovery.”

Jason and Kealy Mead are Desmae’s adoptive parents. While Desmae spent her first five months of life in the intensive-care nursery, Jason and Kealy were at the hospital almost every day.

“It was so hard to see Desmae struggle in the hospital,” Kristyn said. “But watching Desmae look to Kealy and Jason for comfort was so special. They were family even before the adoption occurred.”

Jason and Kealy have children of their own and an adopted son with disabilities. With love and dedication, the family welcomed Desmae into their home and helped nurse her back to health.

“They are remarkable people,” said Elena Tanase, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “They are fully committed to Desmae, who will most likely need extra support for the rest of her life.”

Desmae’s adoption was celebrated with grandparents, family friends and Youth Villages staff. Thanks to the selfless hearts of Jason and Kealy, Desmae has a forever family.

“It has been amazing to see Desmae’s story unfold,” Kristyn said. “With Jason and Kealy’s care and attention, she has reached milestones no one ever expected her to reach. We are so thankful.”

Scarlett, 16, hopped on the living room couch with a cookie and a glass of milk. She brushed her hair out of her face and giggled.

“When I first moved into Jack and Christie’s foster home, I was very quiet,” Scarlett said. “I kept to myself and had a horrible temper.”

Scarlett faced abandonment in her biological home. She lived with numerous foster parents and experienced a failed adoption.

“She had a hard time developing positive and trusting relationships,” said Tara Shepherd, Scarlett’s Youth Villages counselor. “She was introverted, self-harming and angry.”

But with Jack and Christie Barton, Scarlett experienced a loyal relationship for the first time.

“She was adopted into an open-minded, nonjudgmental and loving forever family,” Tara said. “After a few months with them, Scarlett blossomed.”

Jack and Christie provide Scarlett with unfailing support. They meet with a physician to maintain a healthy balance of medication. They look for new ways to help increase her confidence.

“Scarlett has an exceptionally good sense of humor and she is witty,” Christie said. “She is fun to be around and we encourage her to be herself.”

Scarlett used to hide behind her long black hair. She wouldn’t speak to anyone unless her hair covered most of her face.

“Every time we spoke, we reminded her that we wanted to see her pretty face,” Christie said. “After a while, she didn’t feel the need to hide anything.”

Scarlett’s temper tantrums lasted for days when she entered Jack and Christie’s home. Now, she draws, journals and writes fan fiction to cope with her emotions in a healthy way.

“She’ll always have stability here,” Jack said. “She will attend the same school for more than one year for the first time in her life. She’ll go to prom, graduate and receive her diploma with these classmates.”

Scarlett’s personality shines with Jack and Christie’s encouragement. Their stable home allows her to be confident and comfortable in her own skin.

“My attitude and behavior have improved because Christie and Jack accept me for who I am,” Scarlett said. “They treat me well, they’re honest and I can trust them.”

“Angie has had a very positive influence on Kat,” said Kristyn Vanderland, Kat’s Youth Villages counselor. “They formed a quick bond and have a lot in common.”

After being neglected and abused for years in her biological home, Kat craved positive attention. Angie has two older daughters who no longer live at home. With an empty house and an open heart, Angie is committed to supporting Kat.

“It is exactly what Kat needs,” said Elena Tanase, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “She receives the attention she has long deserved while also gaining supportive siblings.”

Since living with Angie, Kat’s depression has improved. She excels in school and gains more confidence each day. With their laid-back personalities and a similar sense of humor, Kat and Angie enjoy quality time together.

“Kat has done great in her new home,” Elena said. “She couldn’t wait for the adoption.”

Kat’s adoption was celebrated with her new family and Youth Villages team. They threw a party with cake and gave Kat a special bouquet of flowers.

“Watching the change in Kat has been amazing,” Kristyn said. “She has come out of her shell and her outlook on life has changed completely.”

Kat will attend community college next fall. She hopes to pursue a master’s degree in business administration.

“Kat is resilient and dreams big,” Elena said. “With Angie’s love and support, we are confident that Kat’s dreams are within her reach.”

Abrianne, 8, Clifton, 7, and Breanna, 4, were born into the foster care system. Their biological mother abused drugs and neglected them. After a time in foster care, they moved back into their mother’s home but the environment had not improved.

“They were placed in three different foster homes after that,” said Jenna Fulcher-Thompson, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “The children were being defiant toward the foster parents and had high energy levels. They were difficult to handle.”

Abrianne, Clifton and Breanna had never experienced the stability of a forever family. But when Youth Villages staff found foster parents Jessica and Ken, the siblings’ home life changed for the better.

“Jessica and Ken fell in love with the children right away,” Jenna said. “They treated them as their own from the moment the kids were first placed in their home.”

As the children transitioned into their new home, Jessica and Ken were not deterred by difficult behavior. Instead, they were committed to creating a comfortable and positive environment for the siblings. With patience and support, the children’s behavior improved.

“Jessica and Ken were able to build a relationship with them,” Jenna said. “With that relationship as a foundation, the kids responded well to their care and structure.”

Adopting the three siblings was a simple decision for Jessica and Ken. Only 10 days after they signed an intent to adopt, the family was celebrating the adoption finalization with extended family and Youth Villages staff. There was a party with cake, ice cream and gifts.

“Everyone was all smiles,” Jenna said. “You could see the close bond between the children and their new family as they sat together and hugged throughout the morning.”

Jessica and Ken have always been eager to provide a loving and caring home for children. Their passion for adoption has been key to the success of Abrianne, Clifton and Breanna. Thanks to Youth Villages, Jessica and Ken, these children have found their forever family.

“Jessica and Ken have provided the love and care these children needed,” Jenna said. “It is because of their permanent home and unconditional love that Abrianne, Clifton and Breanna have made such positive changes.”

“Although previous foster families fell through, Christopher and Christie immediately fell in love with the boys,” said Jenna Fulcher-Thompson, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “They are the sweetest boys I’ve ever met.”

Bentley has Sotos Syndrome, a disorder that causes him to throw tantrums and hurt himself. He has numerous medical specialists. He and Brody both require occupational, speech and physical therapy at school.

“Despite the extra care Bentley and Brody require, Christopher and Christie have never wavered in their desire to adopt them,” said David Burleson, Youth Villages clinical supervisor. “They would do anything for them.”

Bentley and Brody barely spoke when they were placed in the home. Now, they are comfortable communicating their wants and needs. They counted down the days until their adoption.

“They have developed such a strong bond with Christopher and Christie,” Jenna said. “They practiced saying their new names for weeks. They couldn’t wait to become a forever family.”

Bentley and Brody’s Youth Villages team, adoptive family and former foster families all gathered to support them on adoption day.

“Bentley and Brody have found a patient, loving and consistent home to grow up in,” David said. “They have been treated as family from the very beginning.”

“It was tough for them to move back and forth,” said Erica Lewis, Youth Villages counselor. “But ending up with Donna and Francisco was meant to be.”

The siblings experienced domestic violence, physical abuse and homelessness in their biological home. Riley has William’s Syndrome, causing medical and developmental issues. He has to have open-heart surgery.

“His medical needs were neglected by his biological parents,” Erica said. “Now, he has all the support he needs. Donna and Francisco will be with him every step of the way.”

Donna and Francisco invest time and energy into each child. They provide the love, attention and commitment the kids need.

“All of the children have made great strides in the home,” said Suzanne Jones, Youth Villages adoption specialist. “The parents have been instrumental in keeping the siblings comfortable and under one roof.”

Donna and Francisco have another adopted son, Josh, and an older daughter, Kelly. Together, they welcomed the six siblings into their forever family. They celebrated with friends, family and Youth Villages staff.

“I have watched each family member gain patience and loving understanding for one another through this process,” Erica said. “We are so thankful for the strong bonds this family has created.”

Mary Lee

When I was about 12 years old, I was removed from my family and placed into the Tennessee child welfare system as a foster child. I had to pack all my belongings into trash bags and leave the home I knew behind. Roughly five years later, one week before my 18th birthday, I was adopted by my forever family.

I was very, very fortunate. I went on to earn undergraduate and law degrees and found a career where I can work every day to help foster children and youth. I work in a program that helps young people who age out of state custody without ever being reunited with their families or finding a new one through adoption. Last week, I was one of 12 foster care advocates honored by the White House as Foster Care Champions of Change. We all can help the 400,000 children in foster care and the 23,000 who will turn 18 and “age out” of foster care alone this year.

But to do that, we need more people to understand foster children and the unique challenges they face. Here are six things foster children and youth want you to know.

1. Many of us could avoid foster care if the right help were provided to our parents. Intensive services that strengthen and restore struggling families can keep children out of foster care entirely. That’s best for most kids – and society. Just the act of entering the foster care system, being taken away from your family, is traumatic and can cause serious emotional damage. The state just isn’t equipped to be a parent.
2. Thankfully, most children don’t actually “grow up” in foster care anymore. There was a time when a baby could enter foster care only to exit at 18. Now, under federal regulations, states are required to help children and youth find a permanent family situation more quickly than before. In 2013, the average length of stay in foster care was 13.5 months. That’s still too long in the life of a child. Children enter foster care at all ages. The greatest need is for people to become foster and adoptive parents to teenagers. Most of the young people who age out of foster care at 18 enter foster care as teenagers or have had multiple foster care stints.
3. The system is a scary place for children. Even if your family is chaotic, neglectful or abusive, being taken away from everything you’ve known is terrifying. Imagine having to go live with strangers, often a series of strangers, and there’s nothing you can do. Foster children have no control over their lives, and that lack of control causes continual insecurity. They don’t know how long they’ll be in a particular foster home or where they’ll be going to school next month or next year. Foster teens aren’t allowed to do many things other teens do, like getting a drivers license or going to sleepovers. Just the act of entering foster care can cause serious emotional trauma. In fact, one study found that foster children are more likely to suffer PTSD than combat veterans.
4. Most foster parents are good people, but there aren’t enough of them. Most foster parents aren’t like the ones you see on TV news in unfortunate ways. They try hard and do the best they can to help the children who come to them. There just aren’t enough good foster homes. When foster care is at its best, each child is matched with a family who best meets his or her specific needs and interests. Stays are really temporary – a month or so, as intensive services are provided to parents or kinship care is found. In today’s systems, most often kids go to the foster home that has an empty bed. Some children end up in group homes, shelters or other congregate care facilities. That’s worse.
5. Foster kids are good kids in a bad situation. Foster kids are just kids – like your kids. But they’ve experienced more difficult situations and hard times than most adults ever will. Some develop emotional and behavioral problems and challenging behaviors. Most have tough outer shells to protect themselves from more hurt and rejection. They desperately need committed adults to make a difference in their lives. They want someone to cheer for them at their football games, go to ballet recitals, help with homework.
6. Adopting from foster care is not as hard as you would think. Heard about how expensive adoptions are? Well, not from foster care. When you foster-to-adopt, you’ll receive a reimbursement to cover the cost of providing for another child in your home, and you may qualify for a continuing support after adoption. The child’s health care and college expenses may be covered as well. And you may be surprised to hear that most teens want to be adopted; I was 17 when I was adopted and my family is still so important to me today.

In every state system, there are thousands of children and youth who haven’t received the help they need to be reunited with their family or find a new one through adoption. We can do better than this and we should.

Mary Lee is national coordinator for YVLifeSet, a program of Youth Villages that provides help to youth who age out of state custody at 18 without continuing support. The program was recently the focus of an MDRC/University of Chicago study that found it increases earnings and economic well-being, improves mental health and decreases homelessness and partner violence for the young people who participate in it. For more information, visit YVLifeSet.org.

Steve, Dallas and Will

Although Dallas was adopted when he was 3 years old, he did not find permanency until after he turned 14.

After successfully completing a program at the Youth Villages Dogwood Campus, Dallas returned to his first adoptive home. However, he was readmitted to Dogwood shortly after due to his adoptive parents’ marital issues.

About a year later, Dallas found a new foster home in which he was doing very well. To Dallas’ disappointment, the foster parents decided against adoption.

Juggled between homes throughout his childhood, Dallas needed consistent support. In 2013, the Youth Villages Johnson City foster care team rallied around Dallas and facilitated the beginning of his happy, healthy and lasting relationship with Will and Steve.

“When he first entered their home, Dallas struggled with trusting others,” said Tara Shepherd, Youth Villages foster care counselor. “He struggled with communicating his feelings and his needs.”

However, it didn’t take long for Dallas to recognize Will and Steve’s commitment to him. Dallas quickly gained a strong support system of friends and extended family.

“Will and Steve provided Dallas with the stability and support he needed to trust that he finally found his forever home,” Tara said.

When the decision was made to finalize his adoption, Dallas was surrounded by his new family and Youth Villages foster care team. They all celebrated with pizza and his favorite cherry cheesecake. Dallas was overwhelmed and grateful for all of the support shown to him.

“Dallas is thriving in Will and Steve’s home because of their nurturing guidance,” said Suzanne Jones, Youth Villages adoption specialist.

Thanks to Will, Steve and the Youth Villages team, Dallas is receiving what he needs to be successful. He can finally experience the stability and security of a forever family.

“From the first moment Dallas stepped into their home, they accepted him for the person he is,” Tara said. “They showered him with unconditional love and patience. Dallas is a wonderful kid and I know Will and Steve feel so lucky to be a part of his life forever.”