Hmm, tap...tap.taptap tap....

So, hows-about I shower you with a little random?

Oh, yum. Trader Joe's dark chocolate-covered pretzels:

Dangerous, you can even tell by how they look like skulls!

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Got a few questions about these bracelets from the last post: (And my engagement ring is on the wrong finger because I still need to get it sized!)

I do have some left, and they are $18. If you nag me, you could probably get me to sell them to non-locals. I am just the worst about getting stuff out in a timely way, which is why I haven't put anything for sale online yet. I know, I should just do it. Now that I am at the shop 7 days a week, it would be easier to get into a routine of shipping stuff out.

The sayings I have left are : "Don't Settle For Less", "Redefine The Impossible" and "Discover. Explore. Dream."

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 A couple of months ago, my pal (new)Cindy and I were guests on her husband's radio show.

Sean has an awesome indie music program on WOMR called My Little Corner Of The World.  You can listen online every Wednesday morning from 6-9 am (EST). I had a blast being on the air, once I warmed up a bit. I got a bit sassy and silly. Shocking.

Loved the paint-splashed metal grate outside of the studio door:

And this little composition at the bottom of the steps:

I'll probably do the show again in the fall-- I'll be sure to let you know when so you can listen in.

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I'm turning 35 next Sunday! But it's going to be  4th of July weekend on The Cape, which means I'll pretty much just be at the shop! I hope to rustle up a bit of fun in the evening, though.

I totally didn't mean to get into this now but, as an introspective person, I can't help but reflect on the last year now that I'm thinking about my b-day.

What a year! (links take you to the posts) My first fabric line came out, I taped a tv show, I decided to open my little gift shop, my studio was featured in a national magazine (and got the cover!), I got engaged and I am writing a book! Dang!

And, as you know, there have been plenty of hard times underneath and on top of all of that amazing stuff. My usual struggle with depression, and  my brother's suicide in February...

You know how open I am here, but even beyond what I've shared with you, I have had a devastating personal loss in the last year, as well as 2  brutal professional disappointments in the last few months.  I have officially been whammied.  I am feeling pretty ok most of the time, but the losses of the last year do break my heart every day.

I am so so grateful  for and moved by all of your love and support. Every comment or email you send me is like a little bit of nourishment. I take it in and it helps me so much.

I am so lucky and happy to be engaged to my true love. He is a dream come true, a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy who makes me laugh every day.

I am  proud of myself for making it a point to develop new supportive friendships in 2009. I now have a new circle of wonderful women (local, even!) that I am in touch with all the time: people who value me, make time to see me, want and appreciate what I have to offer. And I have a handful of amazing friendships that I've had for years, that have endured and grown stronger.

>sigh<

In the next year, I will continue to heal  from the losses and grow these gorgeous friendships. I will overcome my professional disappointments, finish my book, and put out another fabric line.

And someday, I'll even get married. 

xoxoxoxo

so much love to you. yes, you.

m

Is it really summer? Because it doesn't feel like summer.

I am ready for the heat, baby! Bring me the sun and fresh lemonade! Bring warm breezes and fireflies! (I did see some the other night!) Bring me bouquets of tiger lilies and baskets of tomatoes! Soon enough, I suppose. Ahhh, summer. I frigging love summer.

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So, I am at the shop now 7 days a week. Yes, literally I am at the shop 7 days a week. So I am often a tired little monkey, but I do love it and it feels like home.

(recycled tray clocks made by my honey, Stuart)

I love that I get lots of visitors ---  the fun comes to me now since I don't have a flexible schedule anymore! Girlfriends stopping by to hang out in the studio, blog readers making their way to the shop even though I haven't clearly made a part of the blog to direct people! (Must remedy that!) Dad popping in from time to time, old friends from high school, aunts and uncles, friends of friends. I love having a fun, comfortable place where people can  visit, where I can make new friends share inspiration. I am loving my little shop.

I have ordered tons of awesome new stuff for the store! Last week, I got  in some  new handmade soaps (made with beer! awesome for guy gifts and yummy smelling!), adorable organic baby rattles and gift sets, and gorgeous soy candles.(pics soon)  Oh, man. This is so much fun.

(unbearably cute little lip glosses!)

Coming this week is a whole line of handbags, wallets, pouches etc made from Sugar Snap! The lovely (warning, music plays automatically on this link) Carissa Black makes them for me and she does a fabulous job. I cannot freaking wait to get them... should be tomorrow or Wednesday!

Also coming soon: wooden kids toys, adorable handmade silver jewelry with oms and peace signs on them,  canvas handbags and accessories with wicked cute animal prints.... hm, what else. A bunch more stuff which I will show you when it comes in. And I still have quite a few orders I need to place! yay!

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Another little mysterious note from the benevolent unicorn posse:

Aw! And this time, I didn't recognize the address!

Oh. my. god. So cute and sweet!

Is it weird that I actually find this comforting? Probably.

After a few minutes of sleuthing, I did find out who sent it- a twitter contact. I just love that someone who doesn't know me took the time to make this and send it to me through the mail. It makes my heart flutter every time I look at it. It really does. What can I say, I'm easily amused.

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Finally got a chance to hit a couple of yard sales the other day. As we got out of the car, I said to my honey, "I want a vintage baby stroller to diplay baby stuff at the shop."

I scored one for ten bucks at the second stop! Pictures to come.

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And now for even more randomness:

-Been loving So You Think You Can Dance.

-Working on some new prints for yoga tops and pants

-I miss spending (literally) all weekend working in my garden like I have for several summers.

-I want some pie.

xo, melissa

Well, I decided to finally post them, dog hair and all.

You're right, I didn't just use Sugar Snap.  I threw in a little home dec stuff, some old school Amy Butler and Tanya Whelan dots.

I've found that a little dog fur (courtesy of Zeus) adds that homespun touch. That's an expert tip from me to you. You're welcome.

Aw, who's cute? Zeus is!

Perhaps you noticed the pair of thrifted afghans on the couch? Love the color combination on those.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. In the Studios feature, there was a flowery afghan on one of the shelves that I keep getting questions about:

No, I didn't make it. Thrifted, again. And no, it's not for sale--- sorry!  I don't know anything about how to make it. If you have any info or a pattern, please pipe up in the comments!

Here is a closeup, hope that helps!

I haven't been thrifting or yard sale-ing in a while. I miss it.

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What are you up to?  Seen any good movies lately?

(warning! Links lead to automatic previews!) A few weeks ago, I watched What Happens In Vegas, which you would expect to suck, but it was actually very funny!

Tonight I am going to see The Hangover, which I've heard is hilarious. I must admit, I do like the ridiculous raunchy movies. Can't help it.

I also really wanna see The Year One. Hey, I've had a rough winter year few years, and I need all the laughs I can get.

xo,

m

hmmmm... what's this? Who's it from?

U.Nicorn? Unicorn? Hmm....,

If you are on twitter, you know how if you mention something about, say, weight loss- you will immediately get spammy followers that have some kind of weight loss miracle pill or something. Turns out if you say 'zombies', zombies will follow you, too. I don't know what they are selling, maybe a perfume called Undead to mask the horrifying, you know, living dead smell?

After zombies started following me on twitter, I thought: hmm.... I wonder if I say 'unicorns', will unicorns follow me? So for the past, oh, I don't know, 6 weeks or so, I have been mentioning unicorns  a few times a week in hopes that a magical beast would start following me on twitter. 

Nope, no luck. Unicorns haven't started following me on twitter yet.

But I did get this mysterious letter in the mail (strangely, U. Nicorn used  my friend Ryan's address):

OMFG! UNICORNS!!!

Yes!

So, they don't follow me on twitter, but they follow me in real life. Which, you'd have to agree,  is even better.

I keep the note pinned to the lamp on my work table in the studio, which makes my chuckle every time I see it:

Hope you have a magical day.

Peace, love and unicorns to you. Forever.

xo, m

I had to pull all my stuff away from the windows, so they could make the front of the building look like the 1920's. They were filming a movie called The Lightkeepers- starring Richard Dreyfus, Blythe Danner and Martin Sheen. I don't know when it will be out, but I'll be sure to let you know!

This is from the day before shooting:

So far, they had only covered the parking lot with sand, and put up the flag swags (tee hee, that rhymes). I left this scene at 5:30 (ish) pm on a Wednesday.

This is what it looked like Thursday morning:

They did a great job!

Great vintage clothes, tons of rustic-type touches, signage.

And my favorite, gorgeous fresh produce! I got to eat a ton of the strawberries and blueberries after they were done with the scene, score! I also partook (?) of them in the form of blueberry pie and strawberry rhubarb pie made by my friend (New) Cindy. Damn, I wish I had some of that pie right now. I don't usually like blueberry pie, but this one was sooo good. Maybe because the blueberries were giant.

It is amazing to see what goes into a tiny little scene that will probably only be 30 seconds onscreen! Crazy amount of work and planning- the organization to get that all to come together, dang!

Here you can see all of the actors in the scene, the only one you'll know is Richard Dreyfus, in the  suit under the umbrella:

Yup, he looked, um... mature!

See the little Post Office sign above my door? My store actually used to be the post office! Really! I love that.

 Here are a bunch of the actors looking at me taking their picture:

I tried to get the Abe Lincoln guy to wave at me, but he didn't.

Here is a shot from inside the store, looking out at the porch where everyone was standing:

You can see the film they put on the windows to make them look frosted and some vintage ads in the window.

After the scene was done and we could open up shop,  it was a full day of people stopping by to see what the fuss was all about, crew members shopping. The location manager hung out for a couple hours in the studio with me and (New) Cindy (who had baked a batch of cookies for any crew members who stopped in!)

I hear he was cool and chatty, but I didn't meet Richard Dreyfus. But I did catch this shot of him posing on the steps with some schoolkids:

Good times here at Yummy Goods Corporate Offices, as we like to call it :o)

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Oh, and you'll be happy to know I have been exercising and eating well, like I said I would. I feel So. Much. Better. Already!

xo, m

Since it's  a Monday and the first day of a new month, I might as well use it as the official start date for getting back on my eating well and exercising plan. All my comfort eating from the last few months has definitely caught up with me. I feel yucky. And my jeans don't fit, which makes me wicked crabby.

I'll go shopping either tonight or tomorrow morning and load up on some yummy fruit and veggies and my fave light snacks. I am actually looking forward to eating better, so I don't have to feel like crap all the time! And being more active always helps with the blues/stress. I'll do a bunch of walking and add in some jogging, weights and yoga. This time,  I'll have to be more vigilant about not falling into unhealthy habits when times get tough! Or at least, not letting it go on for months at a time, undoing a lot of hard work!

I'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, how about some thrifted fabric from early spring?

Gasp. Trio of cheater cloth. Swoon.

Love the diamond one:

Blue squares:

 And my favorite, the hexagons:

A thrift store opened up just up the street from my house. Amazing, right? Sadly, no. I checked it out yesterday and it is one of the awful high priced ones with no clothes, just overpriced knicknacks. Not that I have anything against knicknacks, of course,  I just like my bricabrac to be cheap. Bummer. I'll give it another try in a month or so, but my hopes are not high for this place.

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Before I forget, let me mention a couple of people who I keep meaning to tell you about:

Please visit my dear friend Sue Blauner who is blogging about her experience with breast cancer treatment at Sue's Boob.

Also, Tim Brownson, a life coach with a wicked cute accent at A Daring Adventure.

There, now I can stop feeling guilty about that. Whew.

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Hm. It was nice and sunny when I sat down to write to you, but now it is all dark, blustery and stormesque. Huh.

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Lots of stuff has been going on around here, so stay tuned for some posts covering:

- a Richard Dreyfus movie being filmed on the steps of Yummy Goods

- recent sewing: some cute summer tops for myself

- Meredith's senior prom - including ten couples (that's couples, not kids! and their parents!) getting pics taken and picked up by the limobus at our house. ( See pics from last year's prom here.)

-  rearranged studio at Yummy Goods (video tour to come, eventually!)

and since I can't wait to show you, here are some gorgeous new shoes I bought a little while back:

Red. Patent Leather. 

Wait, it gets better:

Aw, yeah. T-straps, with ruffle, and double buckle. Yeah, baby.

And the base of the heel is nice and thick instead of a tiny little point,  so I can actually even walk in them - bonus!

Like I said on twitter when I first got them: I hate to be so stereotypical, but they really did brighten my mood when I bought them.

In case you need some, they are Steve Madden shoes and you can get them here for $89.00 (looks like size 7 only!)

But I got mine at Marshall's for $25, which might have something to do with why they make me smile so much.

What is making you smile these days?

xo,

m

Got them at a thrift store a couple of months ago. I don't know where I will put them, but they were too unique to pass up, with these fifties-ish faces:

---Thought I would try to get back into the swing of blogging with some of my usual thrifty goodness.

---I'm still feeling pretty off.

---I'm brunette these days, mostly out of laziness. Buzzed my hair the other night and didn't feel like  bleaching it. Stuart came home and said, "Did you just get out of prison?" It made me laugh.

---Been discovering some great new cover songs on blip.fm. You can check out my picks here.

---Looking forward to checking out that new show Glee.

---So glad we are heading into summer and not winter.

--- Most of the leaves have popped around here, which makes my heart leap. The canopy of leaves over the roads feels like love.

---Itching to make myself some summer dresses and tops.

What are you up to?

xo,

m

2 a.m... Can't sleep.

As always, thank you for the incredible love, vulnerability and comfort you shared with me in the comments. What a treasure.

The weekend went as well as it could.

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I'd like to share a bit of  writing I did in January.

The task given: create an invocation to your muse. Ten minutes, no editing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Invocation to my muse, my creative spark

Snowflake, sparkle, dream-

I see you scurrying from the light

dancing into the shadow.

But please, with my whole searching heart I ask you,

I invite you: stay with me now.

I will listen to your tinkling chimes

I will hear your purring and I will pet your soft belly to hear it ever louder.

Shimmer in the daylight, enchant me under the stars, entice me in the depths of my

blanket-muffled dreams.

I am your willing audience

Your most devoted scribe.

Stay with me my glimmer, my smirk and wink- I am yours.

I will plant each image in a bed of paint and glitter.

I will water them with sweat, giddy laughter, and yes- heartbreak.

I will tend to them with my inky, dirt-covered hands.

Come to me- I will take care of you.

Rest your head in my lap and I will tease stories from your hair.

...................................

Though I'm not always crazy about my own writing ( damn that inner critic! ), I love reading this invocation because it reminds me of how vital my creativity is to my wellbeing. How much a part of me it is- it's my spunk,  my joy...my hope.

I encourage you to give this exercise a try- post on your own blog or keep it for yourself, whatever feels good. You could even do a spontaneous one in the comments if you like -  single sentence or a tangle of paragraphs. But of course, no pressure. 

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dang. now it's almost 3 a.m.

Getting up at 7 to walk for an hour with a friend. Trying to get back on track with working out. Gonna go to Trader Joe's to get some good food instead of living on bagels and Cap'n Crunch.

It's a start.

xo, m

hey, guess where i've been?

Hiding in bed and Freaking Out!

Yep. Been whammied by a bit of depression with a side order of anxiety. And a smattering of overwhelm and self doubt to keep it interesting.

Yeah, I know. There are so many great things going on. What gives?

See, depression doesn't really make sense, is the thing. You can't really reason with it. It doesn't care that I'm engaged and about to write a book. It just clubs me and drags me into a dark cave with no regard for the rest of my life. I hesitate to write about it because I figure with so many good things happening for me, no one wants to hear me complain.

But something sticks with me: Last fall at Quilt Market, I chatted with an acquaintance (and blog reader) who said she doesn't have depression or anxiety herself, but that she has people in her life that do. She told me that reading my blog helps her understand her friends who struggle like I do.  If writing about my experience helps demystify it for someone, or makes someone else feel less alone, well, then... I'll do it. Just please, don't hassle me about it. I don't want to be mad on top of depressed. Ok?

So, yeah. Been spending tons of time in bed, either sleeping or just staring at the wall. Eating like crazy. Still managing to work out a couple of times a week, somehow.

Oh yeah, and another thing. Been thinking more about my brother lately. I suppose that probably has more to do with the depression than I realize. Pain has a way of coming out sideways, doesn't it?

There's a memorial coming up in a couple of weeks to spread Michael's ashes at Craigville Beach, per his request. Last weekend some bikers came into the shop on a beautiful day- they were out for a ride on their motorcycles  like he would have been on the first super-nice day of Spring. We were never close, so the reality of his suicide is abstract to me . We weren't in each other's lives even though we only lived a few miles away. My only brother, we would  easily go a year without seeing each other or speaking. He was really more like a distant cousin or uncle than a brother. There wasn't any tension or anything between us, just no connection at all. Our childhood was pretty intense, and he moved in with my dad when I was still just a little kid (he was 4 years older). After that, we never really spent any time together and remained strangers into adulthood. I would try to reach out from time to time, but it never came to anything. I did see him a couple of times this year- he came in to  Yummy Goods- I didn't even know he knew about it but he found my blog and came last November, I think. He visited  again, a few weeks before he killed himself.

I don't really know where I'm going with any of this. Just talking about it.

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And now it's a couple weeks later. 12:05 a.m on Friday morning- the day before my brother's memorial. And I still don't know what more to say.

Here's a bit of writing I did a couple days after he killed himself. I wouldn't call it a poem, really. Just sitting outside in February and letting words come:

Chilly Breeze. Goosebumps.

Is that you making the windchimes serenade me? Probably not.

Are you  floating in relief above me, looking down on all of this? Probably not.

Are you going to protect and guide me now, from that other place? Probably not.

I am now as I was a few days ago--- Before you pulled the trigger. Before dad lost his only son.

I am alone. No myth to comfort me.

Not so sure about this 'god' stuff. Cringing at this 'universe' stuff.

What I do feel is love. Cold February breeze.

Dead crunching leaves, heart beating, hands writing.

Shoulders dropping away from the ears as I've learned to do. Noticing the breath.

Intoxicated by the colonies of moss - velvet, emerald.

I believe in the love I feel pulsing in me, flowing around me. I believe in the beauty I find in ivy's map of veins, the composition of rust and the collage on my brother's work jeans.

I believe in the warm kisses of the sun and in snowdrops and crocuses returning through a crust of snow.

I'll start here.

xo,

m

((( it's now a couple hours later and i'm editing this to add that I feel super vulnerable since posting. And so you don't worry,  I am feeling much less depressed since a couple of weeks ago when i wrote the first part! Still up and down, but not way low down like I was. What a relief! ok, that's all. bye now. xo)))

I'm writing a book!

It's sewing project book with Wiley, who published Anna Maria's Seams To Me.

And you know what's neat? The book I'm doing will be a companion  to another by a fellow fabric designer and blogger (and friend!) Sandi Henderson of Portabello Pixie!

(What's this about a companion book? That just means that the books are, so far, a 2-part series with similar formatting and they will come out at the same time. )

So, um, yeah. I will be writing the book this sping and summer, just as we have our first real season at the shop. I'm going to be a busy little bee!

I am super excited and a little bit scared!

I know I am going to grow and learn so much from this project. I am psyched to dive in!

xo,

m

Oh, P.S.

Thank you so much for the engagement enthusiasm!

No: no date set.

It won't be a regular wedding anyways. I'm not that kind of girl. No big poufy dress for me, no wedding magazines, no bridesmaids, no save-the-date. I'm not planning, not calling around checking dates. Just smiling to myself when I think about my future husband. Just enjoying being engaged and looking at my sparkly ring and saying fiance. That's enough for me right now.