ZEBRA NINER: Lord of the Mongoose

Skateboarding, Shoes and a Mid-life crisis.

2023-08-15T10:31:00.001-07:00

I'm a skateboarder. It feels weird to type that out. Weirder to say it out loud. This isn't a story about how I'm now a pro skater, or that I saved a bus full of nuns with only my trusty skateboard in hand. It's more about how something that could seem insignificant or unimportant to some, actually has had a profound effect on my life. Maybe it's a story about loss, or maybe I'm just writing down my pain.

Skateboards were always a scary idea for me. When I was a kid I had one, I would put one knee on and push with my foot. Scoot around and that was pretty much it. I think I got as far as riding in a straight line before losing my balance and getting a face full of asphalt. Needless to say, balance and athleticism has never been my strong suit. My little brother on the other hand, he was an extreme athlete. From our time as children, all the way into adulthood, he could do anything. He had a natural talent. So, for a time, he was a skateboarder. A real one, ollies, grinds and kickflips. All those things that the average person imagines when they think about skating. We even had a film company, Dynamic Productions (and that was before Jackass was a thing). We did stupid shit and filmed it. The company motto: SKATE, RIDE, DRINK, FIGHT. Though, it never quite took off, those times at the skatepark, filming random skaters and all the crazy shit that went along with it were a magic time for me. Those memories I hold dearly, more so since my brother passed away a couple of years ago.

It kind of started with a pair of shoes. Yeah, it's a bit of a winding road to get to the end, but let me explain. My little brother, even from a very young age, was obsessed with style. He loved clothes, loved shoes, everything that was stylish he knew about it. He would change his clothes two or three times at a family function, just to show off his stuff. That never stopped, he always had a desire for nice clothes and nice things. I never really understood it but it didn't matter because that was his thing. I liked nice clothes, but I wasn't anywhere near the level of cool that he had. The level of style. Even into my adult years, I kept it pretty basic. Though, I would always think to myself when picking out a pair of shoes "I wonder if Joe would think these were cool?".

Fast forward to a couple of years ago. We were celebrating what would have been my little brother's birthday. I decided that I would buy some nice Jordans for the ocassion. I had seen an ad pop up for a pair that was a black and red colorway (red was his favorite color). "Yeah, I'm buying those... do they have them at foot locker?" is what I thought to myself. Upon more investigation, I realized that shoes are way different than they used to be. You gotta have an app for that, you gotta be "in the know" in order to get your hands on a pair. Oh, and by the way... They don't make that many so if you don't get them you are shit out of luck. I was like, "what the hell?! ". Fine, I got money and time I'll just order that shit when they come out." No. Wrong. I had to buy them off a guy for 2x the price. Whatever. It didn't matter because I had set out to get them. My little brother would have thought they were dope, this was his birthday so it was like a gift for him. Since I can't give him a hug, tell him I love him and share a piece of birthday cake with him, I'm getting these fucking shoes for him.

Why am I talking about shoes, isn't this a skateboarding story? Hang on, it's coming. Yeah, so in order for me to get those shoes I had to learn about every fucking side of shoe culture. It's crazy, but I've got an obsessive personality. Now that I know how it works, I'm hooked. I'm buying shoes like nobodys business. Not just Jordans, but everything else. I always liked shoes, but now I'm obsessed with them. All brands and styles, they gotta look dope and I gotta have a shoe for every day because... why not? Then, like a light bulb went off, I forgot about all the skate shoes I used to have. My little brother was obsessed with them and for a time so was I. So, I decided I needed some more. They look fucking cool right? Who cares that I don't skate? Vans, DC, Osiris, Etnies... I had them all and I couldn't fucking skate for shit.

Something about wearing those shoes sparked a feeling or memory. I mean, I looked fucking amazing... I looked cool as shit, but there was something else. It sparked some good memories for me. Filming people skate, filming people get drunk and fight. Practical jokes and stupid shit. Thinking about my brother, remembering that he used to beg me to skate. To learn. I think he wanted me to be out there with him. I was too scared though, so instead I bought a $1000 camera and started filming with him. Yeah, it was good times but I'll tell you I always had a little jealousy when I saw these other kids just fly. Like, the hard part was the trick they were doing, the rolling and ollies and all the shit that came before was just... natural. I couldn't even do that.

I'm a 40 something year old man. I should be worried about grown stuff right? Well, life is short. My brother helped me realize that. Also, a lot has changed in my life recently. Loss, grief and heartbreak. Seems like a good time to have a mid-life crisis. Fuck it, I'm getting a skateboard. I mean, I already got the shoes right?

After a bunch of research on the subject, I decided what I needed was a longboard. That was where I was going to begin the journey. A long board is easier to ride (so the internet said) and technically it's still a skateboard, so I would, in fact, be skateboarding. According to the internet, ANYONE (including your grandma and your dog) can ride a longboard. It's like riding a bike with training wheels. So I looked for a longboard, and I found one. The first board I got was a purchase made from a local guy online. I showed up at his house, kind of nervous. I guess I thought he was going to look at me and ask, "Why are you buying this? Is this because you are wearing skate shoes and think you need a board to go with them? Aren't you a little old for a skateboard? Can you even DO a kickflip?". That's not how it went, actually the guy was cool and he gave me the board for free. I mean, thats a sign right? The board was an Original Apex 40 DiamondDrop. At the time, that didn't mean shit to me. Now I know it's a really expensive board and the guy could have made a bunch of money on it, rather than just give it away. Wherever you are dude, thanks for helping me. Either way, I had one. Now what?

I didn't want to look like an idiot out in front of my house trying to learn to skate. I mean, I'm the President of my HOA. I'm 40 something years old and I shouldn't be doing this. I also didn't want to break my ass, but helmets and pads look dumb. So the safest way to learn? Skate inside my house! That's it! I mean, fuck it... I own this house, I'm not married and my mom can't say shit(I love you, Mom). I'm fucking skating in my house. So that's how I learned. With fear in my heart and crocs on my feet, I held on to the banister of the stairway in my living room and attempted to just balance on the board. It was difficult to say the least. The board seemed to have a life of it's own! It wanted to escape the pressure of having to hold my fat ass up off the ground. Each time I stood on it, it wanted to shoot out from under me one way or the other. Not just a little bit, but at high speed with high agression. I couldn't understand how people did it. They made it look easy! It used to be easier when I was a kid. I could at least stand on the fucking thing. What the hell happened? Did I make a mistake? Maybe this board should be leaned into the corner like my guitar or some other hobby I never really followed through with. Nah... I had some kind of determination. I had to be able to JUST DO IT, like Nike says.

My first skateboard
(and some sickass Vans)

So I kept on, working on my balance. I actually remember the first time I let go of the staircase and rolled across the living room. It felt AMAZING! I mean, I was traveling at a rate of speed that would be considered.... extremely slow. It didn't matter though, I was free from the railing. A free man, flying high! This is what LIFE is about!!!! Ok, it wasn't super impressive but I felt good about myself. I spent night after night, rolling back and forth across my living room. The set up of my house was tile from front door to back door, so I actually had a lot of space to practice. No furniture in the way, no children or spouses to run down. I was at max performance. I even felt accomplished. I mean, yeah I wasn't on the road yet but I was riding a skateboard. I mean, was I a skateboarder? I think I was. Also, at this age feeling accomplished comes at you in different ways. When you are a kid, doing something that you set out to do is simple. I want to do this, I tried and I did it or I failed. Maybe I kept at it, and eventually succeeded. I accomplished something. As an adult, it's more of a long range view. Stuff that you accomplish is just a stepping stone to what you a really want. Sure you can have a good month at work, maybe you get a raise but it's just part of the journey. I don't know, maybe that's the wrong way to think about things. Maybe that's why growing up can be so boring. Either way, I had a feeling of accomplishment that put an extra bounce in my step.

The first time I skated outside was at a church basketball court (Shout out to JC for watching over me that day). I had spotted the court the day before and had worked up the courage to bring my board with me to work. After work, I went over to the court and put my board down. I was going to do this!!! In my mind, I pictured myself really ripping the court up. Really getting it done. I got on the board and the cemet was smooth as silk, much smoother than the ceramic tile of my living room. I was going really fast and oh by the way...I don't know how to turn left.

Yeah, I crashed. Yes, it was fucking scary. After that experience, I knew this was something I wanted to make part of my life. I was consumed. I wanted to learn more, I needed to skate more... I had to learn how to turn left (fucking Zoolander over here)!

So, eventually I learned to turn left. I learned to push with more speed. I even started skating around my neighborhood. I fell, a lot. I got hurt, a lot. Then I decided those goofy looking pads and helmet were probably a good idea. I bought a bunch of different skateboards because it was obvious that the gear was holding me back from being great (Pro tip, it's not the gear). Though, it does make a fun thing more fun. Each board has it's own characteristics and abilities... like a sports car vs a pick up truck.

First Ramp I ever skated down.

I also fell on that first drop in, here is that (too bad the main crash was off camera).

I'm going to sum this up at this point. I've been skating for about a year now. I'm not great. I'm not pulling tricks, jumping trash cans or grinding ledges. Hell, I can't even ollie yet. BUT, I'm improving. I'm getting better, slowly but markedly. I feel it. Each time I conquer a new challenge, I feel like I'm a new person. It's hard to explain but there isn't a lot in this life that offers so many opportunties to conquer your fears, gain a sense of accomplishment and cultivate pure joy. But skateboarding does... it does all those thing and more. It gives me a chance to feel somewhat connected to my late brother, even though I wish I could call him up to talk about it or maybe go for a ride with him. Though, he's kind of with me each time I step on that board (He's even there when I fall off that board). I've made new friends on this journey too. Skater friends, which is a wierd thing to say when you are in your 40's. They are all from different walks of life, different ages and ethnicities. People that share a passion, no matter how different they are from me. It's given me freedom to try things, improved my mental and physical health and made me strive for something. Skateboarding is something that gives me joy, focuses my mind and breathes life into me. I'll be forever thankful for that.

I'm a skateboarder.

My Brother, Joe. I miss you, Kid.

AR 15 Upgrades! A.K.A. The Project

2010-06-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

The AR-15, an iconic image almost as familiar as the American flag itself. The AR=America's Rifle. I've had a 20" AR style rifle in my collection for almost 10 years. It's a fine rifle, accurate and easy for just about anyone to use. I guess I just have extra money or something, but I'm currently in the process of turning my boring old A2 rifle into a badass, hippie-scaring, super-duper rifle... with a flashlight, cup holder and fuzzy dice hanging off the barrel. Due to the cost, this is going to be accomplished over some time. Acquiring the funds, deciding on the exact components and actually LEARNING how to do this will take some time. I'll start with the current state of my rifle, and then walk you through the installation and modification process.

My rifle is a Bushmaster XM15-E2S. 20" chrome lined barrel, chambered in .556 in the A2 style (full length rifle, carry handle, etc). The rifle was bought during the so called "Assault Weapons Ban" of the mid 90's, therefore, it does not have a threaded barrel or bayonet lug(because these were so evil). The plan is to buy a shorter 16" barrel, free float hand guards, a collapsible stock and a flat top upper receiver. Basically change everything but the lower receiver... and eventually change that out too. I'll leave all that for later posts, but today I'll be discussing the current modifications that I have made to the rifle.

These modifications are first because they were available(many AR parts are in high demand) and they were relatively low cost. I'll explain the usage, provide a link and rate the difficulty of installation on a 1 to 5 scale. Here are the products, their purpose and installation:

BCM Gunfighter Charging Handle (mod 4)- $44.95: Built for Bravo Company by Vltor, this is a super duper charging handle. It's made to be stronger than the traditional charging handle, and made with an extended latch to allow for one handed operation. If you can do it better and faster with one hand than two, why not? There is a joke somewhere there... that's what she said? I don't know.

Installation: Difficulty: 1, tools required: none. This part is drop in, literally. When field stripping the AR-15, the charging handle is probably the second part to be removed and comes out in about 2 seconds. First, you push out the rear receiver pin, letting the upper receiver hinge forward. Then you pull the charging handle rearward and the entire bolt assembly and charging handle will fall out of the receiver. Simply insert the new handle and bolt carrier group into the receiver and reinsert the pin.

Magpul Enhanced Trigger Guard- $18.95: Manufactured by the famous Magpul company! This is an aluminum(also made in polymer) trigger guard replacement, it's purpose is to allow a gloved finger to fit inside the trigger guard. This part also gets rid of the annoying space between the grip and standard trigger guard... this is for looks, but that's important too. The number one rule in life is to look cool(that or something about treating others like you want to be treated)!

Installation: Difficulty 2, Tools required: 1/8" punch (roll pin punch is best), pin punch hammer, bench block (or roll of tape), blue masking tape. This one can be a little tricky without the right parts, so invest in a nice punch set if you are going to do this yourself. PROTIP: Put some blue masking tape in the area around the pin hole. This will keep you from marring your lower receiver with the pin punch. Use the 1/8" punch to push the front detente pin in, this will allow the original part to swing down. Then using the same punch, drive the rear roll pin out. Using a bench block, or roll of tape on the backside will help facilitate this. The installation is basically the reverse. Install the new roll pin (included). This can be a little tricky, use the bench block and a stable platform. Then install the allen head screw (included) with the corresponding allen wrench (not included) in the front pin hole and you are done!

Magpul B.A.D. Lever- $28.45: Another product from Magpul (yes, I'm a Magpul fanboy). The B.A.D. lever, or Battery Assist Device, is made to streamline reloads. It's a pretty ingenious device and makes for a wonderful addition for the lazy or ubertactical shooter. Basically, it allows you to use one hand instead of two to operate the weapon. Again, there is a joke somewhere in that too.

Installation: Difficulty: 1 Tools required: Torx wrench (included). This one is pretty easy too. Place the backing plate behind the bolt catch paddle. Place the level over the paddle and install the torx head screw(included) using your torx wrench(included). Easy as pie.

These modifications are simple and only the beginning of my journey. Stay tuned for part 2 in the 87 parts series: AR15, "The Project".

Douchebaggery, It's A Problem.

2010-06-22T06:23:00.015-07:00

This is kind of a public service, for those of you who aren't quite sure if you are a douche-bag or not. This list isn't completely comprehensive, but these are the most glaring. If you suspect that you may be a douche-bag, but your condition is not on this list, consult your physician.

1. You go "tanning". Either a spray on tan, or tanning bed.

2. You wear flip flops in public. Normal people can wear flip flops at the pool, gym shower or around the house.

3. You "pop your collar". Self explanatory.

4. You've worn a wife beater in public. That's an undershirt, people.

5. You wear a flat brim baseball cap or a "trucker" hat. These hats look stupid on anyone, men or women. Brims of a baseball cap are meant to be rounded, they only come flat for shipping purposes. Only truck drivers, farmers and rednecks may wear a "trucker" hat.

6. You ALWAYS wear your blue tooth ear piece. It's annoying, it looks ridiculous, and you need to stop it. The bluetooth should only be worn while driving or performing a task that requires both hands (such as masturbating... trust me, I need both hands).

7. You wear a basketball jersey, but are not on a basketball team. This does not apply to sporting events, but you shouldn't wear this to your sister's wedding or to a job interview.

8. You spend more than 15 minutes each day playing with cell phone apps. Nobody cares about your tip calculator or your Star Wars lightsaber app.

9. Your jeans/shirts have sequins, glitter or patches. I thought the bedazzler was for little girls and old women, you are a douche.

10. You wear anything Ed Hardy. Yeah.

Buy Tuffer Buffers Here and Support The NRA!

2010-01-12T09:20:00.008-07:00

This one is for the gun lovers out there. Anybody who is a gunny owns or has owned a Ruger 10/22, arguably the most customizable gun ever. Well, here is an offer for the first upgrade you should make to your rifle. A polymer buffer pin! w00t. Here are the details:

- LIFE TIME UNCONDITIONAL REPLACEMENT WARRANTY
- HIGH IMPACT RESISTANCE
- OIL AND SOLVENT RESISTANT
- HIGH CUT & TEAR RESISTANCE
- GOOD LOW TEMP FLEXIBILITY
- PREVENTS SHOCK DAMAGE
- SUPERIOR LOAD BEARING PROPERTIES
- INCREASES SCOPE RELIABILITY
- QUIETS YOUR RIFLE
- ELIMINATES METAL ON METAL CONTACT
- REDUCES RECOIL IMPULSES
- PRECISION MADE TO HIGH TOLERANCES
- FITS DIRECTLY INTO YOUR 10/22 RECEIVER

So there you go. Plus I'll be donating a portion to the NRA to help protect our 2nd Amendment rights! This buffer can be used with .22LR - .22WMR & .17MH2 calibers.

Special deal for ZEBRA NINER fans, $7 for 1.

Send your orders/questions to zebraniner@gmail.com

Ruger LCR, The Light Compact Revolver

2009-10-10T10:53:00.014-07:00

I received a Ruger LCR as a birthday gift in May. After a couple of months shooting and carrying this pistol I have formed some opinions about this gun and I'm going to share them.

Let's start with the name "LCR", that stands for Light Compact Revolver.

Light-13.50 ounces with the Houge grip, 13 ounces with the Crimson Trace grip and only 15 ounces when fully loaded.
Compact- With a barrel length of 1.78 inches, it's no bigger than your stander J-frame Style revolver.
Revolver- Umm... it's a revolver, duh. 5 shot, .38 special +P, snub nose revolver.

We'll get to my opinions and range reports in just a bit, I want to mention what makes this revolver so special. It's the very first revolver in the world to be made with a polymer frame(fire control housing). That's right, the same kind of stuff your Glock, Springfield XD, or Smith and Wesson M&P are made out of. Some might call it combat tupperware or just generically call it "plastic". To be specific (and to sound like a douche), the actual description is Glass-filled Polymer Fiber.

I mentioned the polymer fire control housing, the reason it's important to make that distinct is because the entire frame isn't made from polymer. The grip, and the part of the frame that covers all of the fire control components is made from polymer. The rest of the frame is made from aluminum.

The cylinder is probably the most recognizable part of this gun, in that it's radically fluted for weight reduction, but it makes quite an impression visually. It's really cool looking. Of course this piece is made from aerospace grade steel as is the barrel sleeve.

So as you can see, it's the hot new thing that all the kids are talking about. By kids I mean grown men in photographer's vests. I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon of new stuff, but I've always had a special spot in my heart for Ruger and I've never owned a pocket gun. So this little bad boy has been on my wish list since it's announcement this January.

Every gun has a use, a spot that it fills best. This particular gun is best suited for deep concealment carry. It's small. lightweight, and packs a punch. It fits in a pocket well is comfortable to carry, in fact you forget it's even there. However, it does have drawbacks. It's only a 5 shot, it has a very small sight radius and it can be difficult to shoot well.

The standard Hogue Grips are really nice. They are a bit tacky, which may cause some problems with concealed carry, but they feel awesome. The grips make the gun feel like it fits in my hand much better than other J-framed size guns. I'm sure the relatively manageable recoil can be attributed to the grips, even with +P loads. The gun can also be outfitted with Crimson Trace laser grips, which I have also. The laser makes target acquisition fast and easy. It's also a great tool to practice trigger control. Dry fire the gun, and use the laser to gauge trigger movement and diagnose any flaws in your trigger pull. One other note on these grips, the back strap and front strap are made from a soft rubber that provides a good grip. The sides of the grip are pretty thin and made from a harder plastic/rubber and therefore do not catch on fabric very easily.

Accuracy is another facet of short barreled revolvers that is addressed often. It's not that these guns are inaccurate, but that they are difficult to shoot accurately due to the short sight radius. This gun has a great trigger, and a pretty good sight picture so it was pretty easy to shoot well. The grouping was pretty impressive for such a small gun. I'm very used to shooting striker-fired guns(Glock, XD, etc), and the longer pull of a double action isn't my territory. The trigger pull on this gun was WAY better than any double action S&W or Taurus I've ever fired. This trigger is really nice with no hint of stacking, but that IS one of the selling points of this gun.

I'm currently carrying this gun in a Desantis Nemesis pocket holster. It's lightweight, protects the gun and grips the inside of my pocket, making presentation of the firearm swift and smooth.

This gun is a good backup gun or primary gun. I find it useful in situations where a full size or even compact gun is not practical. It's small enough for a pocket carry in dress pants and light enough to carry in gym shorts or track pants(anything without a belt). I normally carry this gun at work or when I'm wearing something without a belt. It's also good as a second gun either in the pocket or on the ankle.

Bottom line, it's a great gun. It's comfortable, accurate, and powerful enough to meet my self defense needs. Try one out if you can.

Glock 30: The Subcompact 45 ACP

2009-05-25T16:39:00.011-07:00

As long time readers know, I like to pack heat... That is, I'm strapped with a gat... In other words, I carry more hardware than Home Depot. Ok, now that all the slang is out of the way, I encourage the carrying of firearms by law abiding citizens. Nothing is more American that a .45 caliber pistol... well, maybe a pickup truck or a wet t-shirt contest.

Enter my Glocks. Yes, yes... I know I said nothing is more American that a .45... well, this gun is made in Austria. That's kind of like America, except for the whole "World War/Jew killing" thing. I mean, the past is the past... right? Besides, next time you see a uniformed police officer, check out what they are carrying. I bet dollars to donuts(whatever that means) that it's a Glock.

Regardless of the country of origin, this gun design has been around for more than 25 years. It's been carried and used by me for more than 8 years. It's stood the test of time, and it's been proven in combat time and time again. Nothing says reliability like a Glock.

I've recently taken to carrying my guns in a more discreet manner, that is concealed. I've always enjoyed the feeling of a big ass .45 on my hip, but when it came time to conceal that bad boy, I faced some issues. Some of the issues were overcome with proper holster/belt combinations (stay tuned for a report on that stuff). I was finally forced into looking at a smaller, lighter, more concealable weapon.

Not wanting to downgrade into a smaller caliber, I was faced with only a few options on pistols. For the sake of uniformity in training, grip, controls. I decided to go with the Glock's subcompact .45 the G-30. I want you to take the term "compact" loosely. This gun is a fair amount smaller than my full size G-21, but it's still larger than offerings from other companies (Kahr, Springfield XD, 1911 variants, etc). Two positive benefits by keeping it in the Glock family, are the interchangeability in accessories. My 13 round G-21 magazines fit into the compact version and my Crossbreed Holster accommodates both guns very well.

I was also a little concerned about accuracy with a smaller gun. You see, I've been shooting my Glock 21 for a while, making upgrades here and there, steadily making progress in accuracy. Usually what you gain in comfort and concealment, you sacrifice accuracy and firepower. While the standard magazine only holds 10 round, the 3 rounds is a worthwhile trade for the difference in size and weight. As far as accuracy goes, I'm more accurate with this smaller, stock gun than I ever was with the larger, upgraded full size pistol. I can't really explain it, but that's just the fact.

All in all, I'm quite pleased with the gun. It's small, comfortable to wear, accurate, and Glock-reliable. What more can I ask for? A small pocket gun, that's what... we'll save that for another post (hint, hint).

NRA Annual Meeting 2009

2009-05-16T16:36:00.026-07:00

Each year the NRA holds a large meeting and exhibit. Each year, it's in a different city. This year, it happened to be in my state and my city! So, being a card-holding member of the NRA, I'm obligated to drag my butt down there. I'm glad that I did go, because I got to fondle and grope every gun that I've always dreamed about!

The show floor was a bustle of people, exhibits that were larger than life, and legends in the gun world walking around with mere mortals. All very exciting, but what about the important thing? The preservation of your rights to freedom? No. The networking with people in the firearms industry? No. The free schwag? Yes! Just kidding... but seriously, there was free stuff everywhere and I helped myself to more than my share.

I met a few interesting people, including Eric Shelton from Handgun Podcast fame, Carl from the Gundudes(who I called Stan... for no reason), and Tony Brown from the Firearms Cafe. I also ran into some more well known people like R. Lee Ermey and Tom Gresham! An exciting day for any gun nut.

I also got a chance to play with Ruger's new AR platform, the SR-55.
I fondled it and massaged it, basically I molested it. They actually asked me to leave the booth... well, they asked me to put my pants back on then leave the booth.

We have to keep supporting the NRA, not only to protect our rights and our freedoms, but to continue with productive events like this one. I'm glad that I got a chance to go, and I would jump at the chance to go again. Then again, it's in North Carolina next year... I don't see that happening.

One last thing... There were over 60,000 people attending the NRA meeting this year, I would bet good money that many of those people were armed (myself included). How is it that there weren't any mass shootings and gun violence?! Seems that law abiding ARMED citizens are peaceful. Keep that in mind the next time you hear about the "Evils of guns".

Arizona CCW Permit: My Experience

2009-02-09T14:39:00.013-07:00

W00t! CCW permit here I come! That's right folks, I finally got off my ass and went to get my CCW certification. Though I live in AZ, where open carry is permitted, I want to carry concealed every once in a while. Now I'm not saying that I don't still carry dual chrome .45s with ivory grips to a wedding or bar mitzvah, but now if I want to tone it down a little... I can.

So I chose to go to Scottsdale Gun Club for my certification. Now, it's a bit... "snooty" for some, but I like it. The range is always clean, the people are friendly, and it's in town(not 20 miles out... *cough* Ben Avery *cough*).

In Arizona you are now required to take an 8 hour class to receive your CCW permit. My class was scheduled for 8AM-5:30PM, with and hour break for lunch. So it's more of an 8ish hours of instruction. I arrived about 10-15 minutes early (as instructed) and still had to wait until 8AM to be let in the doors. The parking lot was relatively packed with people waiting to get inside. I wish I had taken a picture, because the cross section of people was rather amusing. Of course you had the older guys wearing military BDUs and black berets... and then you had the ultra redneck types, sporting the shooting vests and flannel clothing. There were a few of the stereotypical "independent and self empowered" women in the class, and a few college-aged douche bags. What category did I fall into? I did forget my kevlar tac-vest and ghillie suit at home, so I couldn't be grouped with the mall-ninjas... I guess douche bag? I don't know.

The instructor's name is Kevin Neal, he is a practicing attorney and judge for the city of Scottsdale. The lawyer/judge combo couldn't be a more perfect person to explain Arizona gun laws and how fucking lawyers can twist them. He's a personable guy, funny and made the class really interesting. He was also more than willing to answer ALL the stupid questions that people were asking. They say there are no stupid questions... that's not true at all. There ARE stupid questions, and very stupid people that ask them.

We started the morning out with basic stuff, signing the liability waiver and going over safety instructions. After all the prerequisite legal stuff was out of the way, we were instructed to head out the range for qualification. This part is probably what most people are worried about, and as it turns out it's the easiest part of the entire process. You are presented with a humanoid target, within the target are a rings labeled 10, 9, 8, etc. You are required to fire 10 rounds at the target (you must hit 5 shots at 15 feet and 5 at 30 feet) while keeping 70% rounds fired within the 8 ring. The 8 ring on the target we used measures 13" x13", a pretty large surface area. You can literally throw the gun and hit the 8 ring at 15 feet. If you can get the first 5 in the 8 ring, you are only required to get 2 more shots in at 30... most will get all 10. If you, by some chance, fail to do this on your first try the instructors will come by and personally ensure that you pass the test. That may involve some instruction or some tips on shooting. If you know how to handle a weapon this should not prove difficult.

The rest of the day was filled with legal speak and "what if" scenarios. SCG uses a power point presentation during the class to show videos, pictures, and various laws and regulations. I found that the videos were a very powerful way to show certain techniques or mistakes executed by real people. This part was very informative. Basically going over carry laws and when it's legal to use deadly force. It was very interesting stuff and I think that the class should be longer, just to thoroughly cover all the legal aspects.

Towards the end of the day, we had to do a fair amount paperwork. Filling out the application and fingerprint card took a long time. There are certain codes and ways to write things on those forms, and they have to be filled out perfectly. Luckily, the instructor will go through all this with you. Of course, you must be fingerprinted to acquire a CCW permit. If you've never been fingerprinted before, it's kind of weird.

The very last thing we did was take the written exam. It's a short test, 20 questions, all in multiple choice. Throughout the day, the instructor would note when a subject he covered was a test question. You could make mental note, or actual notes. All of the questions are either common sense, or very specific answers. You must get 100% on your test to pass, but if you do fail you can review and retest... immediately. You will pass this test, everyone in the class did on the first try.

I learned a lot about gun laws during this class. What I've taken away most from this class is that most laws fall into a "gray area" when it comes to interpretation. Ultimately every action you take will be decided by a jury of your peers... most of which will probably not own guns. Then again, they always say that it's better to be judged by 12 then carried by 6.

Wait... Is This A Valid Form Of Payment?!

2008-11-14T09:30:00.003-07:00

Every once in a while I see something in the Internet, or "Intrawebz" as the retards call it, that catches my eye. Today I stumbled upon such a thing and thought it prudent to recommend it to my loyal fans... all 9 of you.

Geekologie.com posted a story about a guy that tormented a bill collector with some of the most hilirious and ridiculous stuff I've ever read. Click here for the full conversation, trust me it's worth it.

Battlefield: Bad Company, I'll Take Your Dog Tags

2008-08-18T13:35:00.010-07:00

You like killing people? You like blowing things up? How about driving a tank through a wall? Well, I know I love doing those things, and you will too in Battlefield: Bad Company. So a few months back I was involved in the beta test for this game, and I can safely say that I thought it was total crap. I avoided buying the game on it's release, and haven't put more thought into it. That was until my efforts for gamerscore brought the game to my doorstep. I gave the game another go... and it's changed much since the beta that I experienced... and for the better! That's right, I'm totally fanboy for this game! Here is your quick bulletpoint rundown:

Tons of weapons, some of them unlockable
Awesome gadgets, including mortar strikes!
24 player versus modes
14 vehicles, including helicopters, tanks and boats!
Highly destructible environments

Ok, so what changed my mind? Well, lots of stuff. First of all, the campaign. While shorter than I would have liked, it was challenging and surprisingly(and pleasantly) humorous. The writers for this game must have a great sense of humor, and it shows. Not only did the story keep me interested, but I had lots of fun. So much so, that it warrants a couple of play-throughs (for more than one reason).

The graphics look good, kind of a "gritty-realism" type of thing. The weapons look realistic , and the sound quality is good. With regards to some comments of the "extreme echo" that is heard when near a wall, or indoors... I would suspect that the person with such a view has never fired a weapon indoors. The echo is realistic enough, sans the ringing in your ears.

Then you've got the shining star of the whole game, the multiplayer. This game has one of the most entertaining experiences that I've ever had in a multiplayer game. That's what really sold me on this game. Teamwork is paramount, customization is relatively deep, and there is a ranking system. The game modes are scant, Gold Rush and the recently added Conquest are the only two available. Each mode is similar, destroy/capture or defend a set objective. There is a good variety of maps, vehicles, and weapons to fit your mood.

After all of that, you've got the little things. Collecting dog tags from fallen rivals, completing challenges, and unlocking new weapons and gadgets... all of this is recorded in detail for further review online at Battlefield's website! There is a plethora of statistics, percentages, and other information that will make the nerd in you jump for joy.

Overall, it's a quality game. The single player is great, the multiplayer is top notch, and it's fun. It's a great shooter, with aspects that set it apart from the everyday shooter. With friends, working as a team, the value of this game skyrockets.

Pros:

Great single player campaign, hilarious story
Tons of weapons, vehicles, and gadgets!
24 player versus mode
Multiplayer is addictive
Detailed online statistics tracking

Cons:

Only two modes in multiplayer
Spawn times are ridiculous(probably for balance, but I don't care)
Knife melee is mapped to the Y button, and is excruciatingly slow

BUY: Shooter fans, people with a sense of humor, cheevo farmers (they flow!), Battlefield fans

RENT: COD freaks, cheevo farmers

AVOID: Team killing punks, death-match oriented players, and slow-poke snipers

Rick, July's Dog Of The Month

2008-07-22T10:50:00.006-07:00

Yes, I'm late again! We aren't here to discuss my poor time management skills, we are here to talk about THE DOG OF THE MONTH, Rick!

Name: Rick (A.K.A. Rocky, Shrek, Shreky, Shrekman, Donkey)
Occupation: Pet, Attack Dog
Age: 8

Rick is a Corgi/Daschund mix, which means he's short, long, and stout(fat). Rick's specialties include stealthily infiltrating enemy(Toby) lines and quickly destroying the their toys. He is also well known for his "crazy ass noises" and his signature one ear up, one ear down look. His favorite pastimes are laying flat in front of the fan and sleeping. He hates the heat and any movement(of himself).

That concludes this installment for Dog Of The Month! Congrats to Rick, and stay tuned for August's entry!

New Whey Liquid Protein, Phallic Vials Indicate Manliness

2008-07-15T10:14:00.011-07:00

Those that know me best, know that I like to try new things(not gay stuff, I'm not saying it's wrong... but I'm not down, dude. Seriously, leave me alone Dirk. We are friends, and that's it...). So when I was presented with a new kind of protein supplement, one that was easier to consume than the traditional disgusting shake, I was intrigued.

Enter New Whey Liquid Protein, the 3oz shot of juice that provides an amazing 42 grams of protein! From NewWhey.com:

New Whey Liquid Protein is the ultimate in convenient protein supplementation. Having a great taste and a serving size of about 3 ounces, New Whey is compact and refreshing. With no need for blending, refrigeration and virtually unbreakable packaging, New Whey is perfect for any on the go lifestyle.

Now, if that's not exciting, I don't know what is. Those of you that have ever taken protein supplements know of the hassle that is involved. You've got two choices, a protein bar or a protein shake. Personally I opt for the shake rather than a bar, typically the bars offer more calories and less grams of protein.

So we are talking protein shakes... First, there is choosing one of 3 disgusting flavors (chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry), apparently there aren't any other flavors in the world. Secondly, there is actually preparing said protein drink. The instructions say to mix 4 ounces of water with one "heaping scoop" of the powder. As anyone that's tried it knows, water doesn't taste very good mixed with chocolate powder... actually it's quite disgusting. So, you opt for putting milk in there, very much improving the taste from "THREAT LEVEL: VOMIT" to "This is better than eating a pile of shit" status. However, you aren't quite done. For reasons unknown to me, protein powder refuses to mix with a spoon... You can't do it, I challenge you to try. It must be done in a blender, bottom line. So now, not only do you have to wash the blender and a glass, but you have to clean up all the little granules of protein mix that have scattered on the kitchen counter. What I'm getting at here is that it's a lot of hassle to get from point A to point B.

That's why I was first drawn to the idea of premixed supplements, such as Muscle Milk. It's a protein drink that's already mixed and refrigerated for your immediate drinking pleasure. Three drawbacks: The taste, not the best... not the worst. It's made with milk, so it has to be refrigerated before drinking. It comes in a cardboard box, not really that rugged. Flawed yes, but better and more convenient than doing it yourself.

We get to the subject at hand, New Whey Liquid Protein. This product boasts 42 grams of protein, that's just about what 2 servings of standard protein powder will get you. It's 3 ounces, max. Standard protein drinks, are anywhere from 4 ounces to 8 ounces. Finally, it comes in a hard plastic (dildo shaped) case and doesn't need to be refrigerated. You can toss it in your bag, under the seat of your car, or in you underwear if you want that little extra something to show off at the gym(and they say you can make Jello from this stuff!).

Done deal right? Wrong, this products suffers from one fatal flaw... it tastes like ass. That's right, ass that's been dipped in cough syrup. Ok, it just tastes like cough syrup. You know, that really disgusting cough syrup that you have to choke down and it kills a little bit of your soul kind of cough syrup?

There you have it people, something new to try out. You can order it from the New Whey website(which is rather dismal and unimpressive) or you can buy it from Bulk Nutrition, which is where I bought it. It's cheaper(29.88 for 12 dil..umm vials), and they have good service.

Final thoughts on this product? It's interesting, easy to use and has plenty of protein. It's also rather disgusting. So, that's the trade off. One final bonus, the empty container can be used as a sex toy... if you swing that way.

The Majestic Ch33v0 Falls

2008-07-11T06:49:00.003-07:00

Just a quick note about two things. First, this picture of The Majestic Ch33v0 Falls is fantastic, and very beautiful. Secondly, my photoshop skills are really lacking. That's it, happy Friday.

Oh, and join The Cheevolution!!!!

Happy 4th Of July!!!!

2008-07-03T14:57:00.005-07:00

That's right folks, it's the day we celebrate our independence as a nation! I'll be doing what every American should be doing tomorrow... NOTHING! w00t! Enjoy your holiday and your freedom! If for some reason you can't enjoy freedom, then you are a criminal or you live in a shit country... either way, you're fucked!

Tomorrow I will hang my American flag on my house with pride... under the rays of the hot sun, and under the blazing and hateful glare of my illegal immigrant neighbors(who think it's a good idea to hang out on the front drive rather than the in the backyard).

Freedom my friends... soak it up! Have a great weekend!!!!

The Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Freedom And The Rights Of The People

2008-06-27T10:03:00.008-07:00

Well people, we've scored a victory for civil rights, and YOUR right to protect your life and your family. The 2nd amendment has been upheld by the Supreme Court of the United States! Not that it should have ever come into question, but our 2nd amendment right was up for decision in the case regarding banning handguns in Washington D.C., and with a close decision(5-4) the court ruled that it is indeed our right to possess weapons.

I'm not going to get into how I feel about this subject, because you can read that all here. I'm just happy that I get to hang on to another piece of freedom for the time being. I would also like to point out that the decision was VERY close... too close for comfort. If we end up with a Democrat as President, expect this to go the other way next time... and believe me, there will be a next time.

I'll leave you with an excerpt from SCOTUSblog:

Examining the words of the Amendment, the Court concluded “we find they guarantee the individual right to possess and carry weapons in case of confrontation” — in other words, for self-defense. “The inherent right of self-defense has been central to the Second Amendment right,” it added.

The individual right interpretation, the Court said, “is strongly confirmed by the historical background of the Second Amendment,” going back to 17th Century England, as well as by gun rights laws in the states before and immediately after the Amendment was put into the U.S. Constitution.

Dual Knockout in MMA Fight!

2008-06-04T12:07:00.004-07:00

Dual knock out! There isn't much more to it than that. This is a rare occurrence, in MMA... or in life in general. However, it's sweetness MUST be seen! This was from a small show called Legends of Fighting in Indianapolis. This was one of the two fights they held that night... check 8 seconds into the video(below)!

Not Without My Ruger

2008-06-04T08:20:00.009-07:00

Gun control.... my definition: Keeping the correct grip, stance, and sight picture when firing my weapon.

A liberal politician's definition: Name, fingerprint, address, semen sample, rectal video footage, and first born... and "I'll consider letting you buy one".

The second amendment to the Bill of Rights protects the rights of the people to keep and bear arms.

Second Amendment:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The meaning of this particular amendment is a point of controversy. What did our forefathers have in mind when writing this? Does that still hold true to this day? I think it does, just like any of the other amendments do. I still enjoy free speech(obviously), and I happen to like that slavery is illegal... I think I'll go ahead and keep the bill of rights just the way it is, seems like it's working.

Some liberals would like you to believe that gun control will solve all of the violence in the United States. This simply isn't the case. It's been proven that criminals will still get guns, through illegal channels, since that most likely how they are currently getting them. All gun control will do is prevent law abiding citizens from protecting themselves.

Take a second to think about it... Do you really think that the average criminal is going to a local gun shop and submitting to a background check? Do you think they are waiting a specific number of days(depending on the state) to get their weapon? Do you think they are paying retail prices for new or used guns? Do those things sound like something a criminal would do? Is it more likely that a criminal is buying illegal guns, stolen or otherwise, from other criminals at discount prices on the street? I think if you are honest with yourself, you'll know the answer to those questions.

What kind of person would subject themselves to higher prices, background checks, and waiting periods at a retail gun store? The law abiding citizen. The hobbyist, the collector, the defender of family and home. That's the kind of person that would do that.

Now, you may say... "Many people are killed with so called "legal guns", how do you defend that?" It's true, people do bad things. That's the point though, PEOPLE do bad things. NOT guns. Guns can be used as a weapon, just as much as they can be used as a tool to save a life. Without guns, there are plenty of weapons that can be used to commit crimes. Countries that ban weapons or handguns have a much higher rate of murder with weapons like knives and blunt instruments.

Some places like Washington D.C. have the highest crime rates in the United States. The highest volume of gun violence, rape, robberies, and general crime per capita. It also boasts the country's most restrictive gun laws. These numbers indicate the effect that strict gun laws would have on an American community.

To be fair, it also holds true that poorer communities are more likely to have high levels of violence(gun violence or otherwise). It is also true that communities with a population of more Blacks has a higher level of gun violence and crime in general. Now, while extreme, couldn't one use the same argument for those crime numbers as well? After guns are taken out of the equation, 70% of all violent crimes are committed by Blacks. Are we to expect legislation banning or regulating a person based on their race or there household income? Couldn't the same logic used to argue the benefits of gun control be used to argue such ideas? The notion of race/poverty control or restrictions sounds ludicrous of course, but so does the idea that guns are the root of all problems.

Violence is caused by many factors psychological, physical, economical, social, etc. Violence has always existed, and it always will. Creatures from all species use violence, they use the tools that are available to them. Defending yourself, your family, and your rights to freedom should never be a privilege... not in this country anyway.

As we get closer to the election for the President of the United States, you may want to keep your freedom and safety in mind when making your choices.

The Hero Of Russia Defeats Flying Wang

2008-05-21T08:37:00.007-07:00

Yes, yes. It's old news by now, but what grabbed my attention was not the rather large fake penis flying high through a press conference, but the man that brought it crashing down. Political activist Garry Kasparov's press conference was rudely interrupted by a flying cock, pictured here and further down in the video.

Now, if you watch the video closely you'll see Kasparov's personal security staff rush forward to protect him, unsure of the threat. When it was established that there was no physical danger present, one guard took his duties a step further. He actually batted the rather large flying penis from it's lofty aerial flight. Now that is dedication! His job is to protect the life of Garry Kasparov, not to combat an unknown flying phallus. Yet, you see him leap into the air, driving the airborne ramrod straight into the ground, and then finishing it off with a brutal and efficient heel stomp.

This man is a true Russian hero, disregarding his own safety by touching a flying penis(who knows where that thing has been... and what's on it). I think the old Russian saying said it best, "если он не избили, а затем он не любит". Roughly translated "If he doesn't beat his wife, he doesn't love her" and I think that speaks volumes. Words were never more true.

The Printed Word: Remove The Head, Destroy The Brain

2008-05-15T11:36:00.008-07:00

I know this book was published in 2004, I know it was on the NY Times best seller list, I KNOW I should have read it already... but I'm fucking busy, so just chill out. Anyway, here it is! The ZOMBIE Survival Guide by Max Brooks. I picked it up back in February with another highly recommended book and I feel that it's something you need to know about.

This book takes a serious look and a pretend scenario. It reads like a traditional survival manual, check lists and techniques are detailed and realistic. There isn't much story, but that's not the point of the book. You'll read on and on, and be captivated. You'll make mental notes, "I should remember that, just in case a zomb... damn it, zombies aren't real", was something I thought many times while reading this book.

The book has little crude drawings of people decapitating zombies or other "how to" tips on surviving the eventual zombie invasion. It appears that the author considered all of the loose ends on a fictional idea such as this, making it believable and pretty seamless.

One quote from the book referring to the techniques of dispatching a zombie with a gun, and the reasoning behind the necessity of head shots:

"unless the brain is destroyed the zombie itself is still alive-crippled, yes perhaps even immobile, but still alive.Why give yourself the unnecessary need of having to finish off a mass of writhing and potentially dangerous body parts?"

Not only is that tip funny to imagine, but it makes perfect sense... based on the general laws of zombie movies. This book delves into what you think you know about zombies, and takes it a step further, two words... FROZEN ZOMBIES. That's right, you didn't think about that, did you? What if a zombie freezes? They can't die. So when it thaws out... BOOM, you're fucking dead pal!

I'll leave you with Top 10 Lessons For Surviving A Zombie Attack from this book as a warning, and enthusiastic recommendation!

Organize before they rise!
They feel no fear, why should you?
Use your head: cut off theirs.
Blades don't need reloading.
Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
No place is safe, only safer.
The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Words to live by... words to live by.

READ: People that can read, people with a sense of humor, zombie fans, conspiracy/survival wackos

AVOID: Elitist pricks, hippies, jerks, people who ONLY read books

Tobin, May's Dog Of The Month

2008-05-13T08:48:00.005-07:00

They say late is better than never... and since I'm frequently late, I tend to agree. Here is May's installment of Dog of the Month.

Name: Tobin (A.K.A. Toby, The Black Rider, Nubian, Captain Stubing)
Occupation: Pet
Age: 10

Tobin, he's a Black Labrador Retriever mix (the mix is mental patient). Toby's favorite pastimes include barking and spazing out. He is well know for his signature "piercing, incessant bark" and his patented "plow his face into the floor" move is world renown. His favorite snacks are drywall and tree roots. He loves anything blue, and hates quick movements and everything else.

That concludes this chapter in, Dog Of The Month! Stay tuned for next month's DOTM and more excited dog news.

Grand Theft Auto IV, Reach Out And Kill Someone

2008-05-01T10:02:00.008-07:00

Grand Theft Auto IV. I shouldn't have to say more... but I will. This game is just freakin' awesome. It's teh w00t and all that shit too. I've been waiting for this game for a long time, and I'm glad that it's finally out. It's just what my next gen gaming world needed, the GTA legacy continues.

Overall, the graphics look pretty nice. The environment is awesome, beautiful, and very realistic. You've got the whole of New Yor... Liberty City to explore, and let me tell you there is a good amount to check out.

Everything in this game is new, everything but the spirit of GTA. The engine, the graphics, the AI, the city and characters. It's all new. I'll just go over some of the highlights:

Kill hookers, and innocents... (not really a highlight, but it is for me)
Cover system
Improved shooting mechanic
More realistic driving (More realistic everything)
Awesome environment
Epic story
Taxis, toll booths, choppers, strip clubs, I can't name everything... You get the picture
Multiplayer!!!

I'm not going to get into it all, because there is just too much and I'm not even done with the game.

GTA IV is the story of Niko Bellic in Liberty City. He is lured to the country by exaggerated tales of life in the west, and by other motives that don't become clear until later in the game. You play a immigrant trying to get your piece of the American pie. It's pretty much how most GTA games go, slow in the beginning to get you acclimated and then it really starts to pick up. The developers boast that this game will have 100+ hours of gameplay, not including multiplayer.

Let's not forget about all the little things. You've got a cell phone in this game, call or text people to get jobs, or just hang out! Take your girlfriend out for a meal, or bowling. Take your buds out to the strip club or to a bar and get sloshed! Drunk driving is an option, but so is taking a cab home.

The extra activities within this game are amazing. Bowling, darts, pool, arcade games. I played pool with my in game girlfriend for about half an hour(she kept whipping my ass). I FORGOT I was playing GTA, now that is great! You can hit up a strip club and get a private dance in the back, or maybe pick up a hooker? Whatever you want, it's there. Drop by the Internet cafe and surf the web or check your email... hell, order a baby online! Maybe you could just go home, and watch tv for a while (I recommend that, the tv shows are just fantastic).

Multiplayer, in a GTA game! Can you believe it? There are a plethora(it's a real word) of game modes ranging from standard deathmatch and objective based games to co-op and free roam. In a standard versus match, weapon pick ups are found around the map and the game play is pretty standard. The entire city is open to you(the host can switch up all the options) and you can choose how to deal death in anyway you see fit. The objective modes and co-op modes are fun, but for me the shining game type is free mode. There is something about running around the city causing havoc with your buds.

Overall, I'm pretty freakin' satisfied with this game so far. Of course, being a GTA fanboy anyway, I was going to like it no matter what. The new features are nice, and so are the improvements. I will say that I'm not 100% satisfied with the aiming system or the cover system. I feel they could have been done a little better. That being said, with all other things combined it's pretty solid.

Pros:

Improved EVERYTHING
Great story
Great characters
Fun gameplay
Big variety of Multiplayer modes
MULTIPLAYER!!!!

Cons:

Camera controls are not easy to master
There is some still some loading and pop up with the 360
Cover controls feel a little too sticky

So there you have it. Bottom line, it's a fun game.

BUY: GTA fans, killing fans, prostitution fans, open world sand box lovers

RENT: Cheap bastards, people who don't like long games

AVOID: Under 18 crowd, religious extremists, pansies and douche bags

* on a side note, I want to thank my lovely girlfriend for buying me this game. Thanks sweetie!

Best Buy Receipt Nazis, Thwarted Again!

2008-04-30T08:28:00.007-07:00

As most of you know, I'm in a battle for freedom and civil rights for all people. That battle is taking place here, in Arizona... and the battleground is at the exit of every Best Buy. As you may know, I've taken to keeping my person and personal property from being searched unlawfully by random store employees. If I had known that it was ok to search customers of businesses I worked for, I would have groped so many people by now.

Last night I went to a local Best Buy store #1109 in Avondale, AZ. I've had problems at that store before, and I chose to go back to that store because it is on my way home from work. Last week, I pre-ordered a little game called GTAIV, and this was my store of choice(due to a gift card, from my lovely GF). I went into the store, waited while the VERY gay and VERY ignorant clerk tried to sell me a PS3 standard version. After walking him through the details on the receipt, and paying for my item, he bagged it up and I headed towards the doors.

As I passed through the security area at the front of the store, the yellow shirted security guard (previously smiling, not so much now) said in a very tough voice, "May I see your receipt?".

I said with a smile, "No thanks" as I passed through the doors.

He must have been taken aback because not until I was outside did he say, "No, seriously... I need to see it".

I said, "Actually, you don't." Then I continued on.

He protested, "I NEED TO SEE YOUR RECEIPT!".

I turned to him and said, "This is my personal property, you can't search it".

He said, "I know THAT, that's why... ".

I cut him off, "Good then we understand each other." and continued walking out into the parking lot, towards my car at a reasonable pace.

I half expected him to come out and try to accost me, or block my exit. I would have welcomed either, because I assure you I would like to beat the crap out of one of these assholes. However, nothing happened. I pulled out, drove back towards the store (in part to rub it in, and to see what he would do) and I saw that the cell phone salesman had come out to help. They both gave me their scariest tough guy stares and watched me drive away.

Just another tale of store employees trying to assert some kind of authority over a private citizen. It's not store policy, it's not even legal. When they ask to see your receipt, it's completely voluntary. You don't have to do it, nor should you. Once you purchase something, you own it totally. It's your property to do with what you like. Imagine that you buy a cell phone or a wallet at a store, and every time you visit that store in the future you have to show proof of purchase. Does that sound acceptable? With that logic, I could ask any person on the street( or any employee at Best Buy for that matter) for a proof of purchase of their cell phone or shoes at any time. I could tell them it's my policy, and I'm going to have to check. Basically, what I'm getting at... is that it's YOUR property, you DON'T have to submit to illegal searches!

Next time you are at a store, tell them "NO THANKS" and continue on your merry way. This will save you SO much time around the holidays.

GTA4, I Can't Think Of Anything Else

2008-04-23T11:17:00.006-07:00

I officially bought my ticket for the hype train last night. It's officially on now... it's on. GTA 4 looms around the corner, and in less than a week I will be running pedestrians over and shooting soccer moms in the face. I CAN'T WAIT. I put my $5 down at a Worst Buy* and will be picking it up next Tuesday. I opted for the collector's edition which features:

Includes the Grand Theft Auto IV Art Book
Soundtrack CD
Exclusive Rockstar keychain
Limited edition Rockstar duffel bag
Grand Theft Auto metal safety deposit box (teh w00t)

I also got a free poster(kind of lame) and a code for some GTA4 gamerpics (pretty cool). So, now that I'm totally submerged in the hype of GTA... I won't be able to think about anything else until next Tuesday. I just want to murder some cops and kill a baby (in the video game, not in real life**).

*Gift card... it has to be spent
**Well, I kind of want to do that in real life too ;)

Xbox Live And Xbox.com Down Until 10am...

2008-04-21T08:49:00.003-07:00

Typically I don't care when Xbox live goes down, because I have a job and I'm not a foreigner(offline 2am-10am pacific)... so it doesn't affect me.

However, what does piss me off is my inability to go online, and stalk my friends. I like to know what they are playing, and bother them constantly with messages. If I have to be at work and not playing video games, then they should suffer as well. Anyway, by the time I get home live should be back up.

Basically, what I'm getting at here... is that America is the best. :P

Grand Theft Auto, I Promise Not To Kill Anyone... I Swear

2008-04-17T15:59:00.005-07:00

So it begins again. Another new game, another dose of sweet ch33v0z into my veins. That's right folks, Grand Theft Auto IV is looming over my Xbox. I am scrambling to get through all my games, I know that I'll be immersed in the new game.

There is something to be said about a game that will let you live out your murderous fantasies without real repercussion. There is something about it, something exciting, something that makes me kind of aroused. Is that weird?

When it comes to open world kind of games, or games with multiple people that you can kill... I go off the deep end. If a game will let me kill thousands of screaming innocents and gun down hundreds of law enforcement officers, I'm all for it. Now, I'm not saying that's the point of these games. I'm not saying that is what everyone will be doing either. I'm just saying that doing those kind of things gets me off. I know it's weird and wrong, but FUCK YOU FOR JUDGING ME! I don't care.

Keep an eye out for me on the news... or in your house.