The nature of my illness?  I just couldn’t hold down food.  When you forget you’ve eaten watermelon and barf up red stuff … it gets kinda scary.  I lost twelve pounds and now have to work at putting that back on, so I guess it’s pizza and milkshakes for me, and maybe my world-famous tuna noodle casserole.  Tra la la. 

Because I wouldn’t go to see a doctor — I tend to self-medicate and self-diagnose — I was kinda-sorta playing Sherlock Homeopathologist.   I know, I know!  Don’t start preaching.  Anyway, just like any gumshoe worth her salt, I  finally nailed the culprit , which ended up being one of the many herbs, supplements and vitamins I take on a daily basis.  Again, please don’t preach.  I do my research and know my stuff.  Let’s just say that I won’t be ordering that particular supplement from that company again.  

This entire episode got me to thinking about how Phone Sex Operators are, by the very nature of the Phone Sex Business, pretty much one-dimensional in the minds of our callers.  And, of course, the same works in reverse:  we can make the cursory mistake of sizing up our callers just by their kinky fantasy.  On both ends of the phone, we are so much more than that.  All-in-all, it’s rather lazy of us, isn’t it?  In my own defense, I do make a concerted effort to ABSOLUTELY not do that, but I’m not Mary Poppins and I sometimes fail.   Particularly if the caller is a one hit wonder — coming (pun) and going in the blink of an eye, never to be heard from again.  But, heh!  I’m trying here.  I really am.

So — in that vein — if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.  In other words, here’s some things you just might not know — and may or may not like — about your FemDom PhoneSex Goddess:

I’m extremely impatient.  I want what I want and I want it now.  And, yes, I’ve been known to throw a temper tantrum when my desires have been frustrated.  It’s not so very pretty when I’m   raging against the mediocrity of bureaucracy in all its ineptness, sluggishness and redundancy.

It follows that I expect attention.  Particularly when YOU are taking MY money.  Which means if  I am you’re customer, you better at least act like you care.  Because I won’t hesitate to spend my money elsewhere.  The upside of this is that if you do your job well — I will make it worth your while, tipping generously and recommending your service to others.

FASHIONABLY LATE could be my middle name, because I’m never on time for anything.  And while you might argue that the term should be RUDELY LATE, it does suit my general temperament .  I’m single, after all; and that does tend to make a girl  a bit self-centered.  And  while I hate waiting for other people; I’d have no problem making them wait for me.  This doesn’t work with my doctor or dentist.  When I arrive late, they just push other appointments ahead of me and I am duly punished.  Also I like to look top-notch fresh and pretty when attending functions, so that I put off dressing, hair and makeup until the last minute.   And I am working on this though, because I do realize it’s very unfair to others.

When it comes to AFFAIRS OF THE HEART, I take the "affairs" part far more seriously than I probably should, preferring flings to relationships.  I don’t do well in long term relationships. It’s rather confusing even to me, as I really do believe in love and marriage and all that stuff.  Still, no matter how promising something starts out, I find myself getting bored rather quickly.  And then I’m wiggling my way back to singlehood  as fast as I can.  But there is JewBoy, who I am at least keeping around at arm’s length.  So maybe there’s still hope for me?

What’s more:

I read in bed.  Every single night.  No exceptions.

I’m a reality show junkie.  TOP CHEF, PROJECT RUNWAY and HELL’S KITCHEN to name a few.

Most of the time, I leave a window open (and sometimes the doors to my balcony) when running my AC or furnace. 

I love pink.  All things pink.  My Ipod, cellphone, GPS and even my license plates are all pink.  You should see my pink patent leather fuck me pumps.

I own way too many pairs of shoes … and am still buying.  I WON’T BE STOPPED.

I have a fairly severe case of acrophobia.  So I don’t snow ski and it takes everything I have to go down an escalator.

I give away too much money. 

I don’t smoke pot, because it makes me want to clean house.  But I think it should be legal.

I like codeine and take it every chance I get.  Lucky for me, I don’t get many chances.

When it comes to liquor, I can barely tolerate more than two drinks without getting sick.  But I do have my  rare moments.  Once or twice a year I get tipsy.

I don’t like sitting still.  I have a Type A personality and have to be doing something. 

I’m a terrible Bingo player:  I’d rather  people-watch and end up missing numbers, which drives whoever dragged me there crazy.  And I  am always angry with the person who calls BINGO.  I want to jump over the tables and bitch slap her.

My favorite card games are pinochle and spades.

My favorite board games are scrabble and boggle.

I DO NOT walk around in stockings and heels every day.   In fact, I actually prefer sneakers.

So there!  You got yourself a peek behind the Phone Sex Curtain.  As I’ve maintained all along, Phone Sex Divas really are just the girls next door.  And now you know that we can be  just silly and bitchy and demanding as your wives and girlfriends.  I guess the lesson in all this is to BE NICE TO YOUR HONEY.  She could be me!

xo, Angela 

… oh!  I wrote a new poem.  And yes I was pissed off.

Okay, it’s no secret I kinda-sorta like my sissy boys bunches and bunches.  As I’ve said before, don’t knock it if you haven’t seen a hard dick behind a pair of cute panties.  This time I’ll add:  Don’t be so quick to judge if you haven’t gotten to know the heart that beats behinds that bullet bra.  I have.  And guess what?  It beats just like yours or mine … maybe even perhaps a tad more passionately and honestly. 

I stand by a man’s right to play at being a girly-boy now and again, when it’s suits his/her fantasy or maybe just when the moon is pink and full.  When it comes to KINK it would behoove us to remember: 

Everybody’s kinky, everybody’s fine.  Your kink is funny.  And so is mine.

Two guys are changing in the locker room at the gym, and one of them notices that the other one is wearing a bra and panties.

"Hey, Joe, how long have you been wearing women’s underwear?"

"Ever since my wife found them in the glove compartment."

A straight man, a trans-sexual, and a crossdresser were drinking coffee together in a trendy cafe and watching the passing crowd. A very busty, well-dressed, and attractive woman walked into view. "Look at those tits," exclaimed the straight man getting up from his seat for a better view. "Doesn’t she move beautifully", sighed the trans-sexual enviously. The crossdresser drank some coffee and observed, "Her lipstick is all wrong for that dress."

Transvestite:  A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Bigfoot is really a solitary transvestite wondering the Pacifice Northwest in a vain search for heels that fit.

A boy goes up to his father. "Daddy, what’s a transvestite?"

"Go ask your mom," he replies. "HE should be able to explain it better."

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won`t stop staring at her.  She asks him why is he staring, and he replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don`t want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you`re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I`m sure that there`s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I`ve always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

The nun responds, "Well, but you have to be single, and you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single, and I`m Catholic too!"

The nun says, "Okay then, pull into the next alley." He does, and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess I`m married and I`m Jewish."

The nun says, "That`s OK, my name is Kevin, and I`m on my way to a Halloween Party."

Q.  What’s the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe?

A.   When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

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And don’t you dare even ask who.  My lips are — as always and ever will be — sealed.  Kissing and telling are such bad form, I’m sure you’d agree.  Particularly if I were telling about Y O U!  So thank your lucky stars I am a discreet .  (Did you catch that, PQS?  The "discreet" part, I mean.)

This time, it’s a jumble of hes and shes.  Maybe I’ll surprise you:

• Keith Urban … An Aussie vaquero!  Hotttt.
• Ted Neeley … Yeah, I’d do Jesus. 
• Isabella Valentine … Have you heard her voice?  Seriously sexy.
• Jon Gosselin … Just to castrate him and then rip out his new "bachelor" earrings.
• Anderson Cooper … He’s just a cute as a button.
• Blacked Eyed Peas … Yup, every one of them.
• Emma Thompson … Because  a certain someone would go absolutely bonkers.
• Naughty Blonde  … Who is so cute I want to pinch her cheeks.  Yes, those cheeks.
• Piers Morgan … He fascinates me.
• Leonard Cohen … I’m smitten.
• Pink … We could be BFFs!
• Kaws … Or maybe one of his ashtrays would do.
• Charles Osgood … I already spend my Sunday mornings with him, so why not?
• Rod Blagojevich … Because the guy has got a set, if ya get my drift.
• Johnny Depp  … Oh, yeah.
• Jackie Warner … My perfect husky-voiced lipstick lesbian.

Of course it’s all in good fun.  What I’m really saying is that these are people I find interesting and/or admire and/or think are hot.  But you were smart enough to know that without me spelling it out for you.  Right?

Peace out.

Angela

The stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
stands so close to me
I can feel his breath
on my neck
and smell
the way he would smell
if we slept together
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and that is his primary function in life
to be a stupid jerk I can obsess over
and to talk to that dingy bimbette blonde
as if he really wanted to hear about her
manicures and
pedicures and
New Age ritualistic enema cures and
truth be known, he probably does wanna hear about it
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s obsessed with doing anything he can
to lend fuel to my fire
he makes a point of standing
looking over my shoulder
when I’m talking to the guy who adores me
and would bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
if I asked him to bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
but I can’t ask him to bark like a dog
or impersonate any kind of animal at all
cause I’m too busy
looking at the way the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
has pants on that perfectly define his well-shaped ass
to the point where I’m thoroughly frantic
I’m just gonna go home
and stick my head in the oven
overdose on nutmeg and aspirin
and sit in the bathtub reading The Executioner’s Song
and being completely confounded by the fact
that I can see
the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with’s face
defining itself in the peeling plaster of the wall
grinning and winking
and I start to yell,
Get the hell out of there
You’re just a figment of my imagination
Just get a life and get out of my plaster
and pass me the next painful situation please
but he just keeps on
grinning and winking
he’s the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s mine
in my plaster
And frankly, I couldn’t be happier.

____________________________________

Gawd!  She’s good, good, good!  We’ve enjoyed Ms. Estep’s poetry in the past.  Remember Sex Goddess?  Visit her website.  Buy, buy, buy her books.

xo, Angela

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Do you realize that if you simultaneously had sex with three two-inch-cocked losers, that would be the equivalent of having sex with one full man, but to those poor guys, it would be an orgy.  The karmic payback owed you by the Universe at that moment would be tremendous.  -from Mr. B, who is er, um … a cerebral pervert of the highest caliber.

Phone Sex MILF of the Day

If you’re looking for a hot phone encounter with sexy MILF, check out Sweet Megan by CLICKING HERE.  This libidinous long-haired blond loves both oral and anal.   And she has nice tits!  Natural 36DDs.  You like it better that she’s married, don’t you?  Just makes it that much dirtier.

I did work this weekend and was very busy, so I am having a ME day.  Which really hasn’t amounted to much so far.  I went to the gym, did a bit of grocery shopping and met a friend for coffee.  Tonight I plan on relaxing with The Broken Window, by Jeffry Deaver.  If you like thrillers, give Mr. Deaver’s books a try.  This particular book has a four plus rating at Amazon … so somebody’s reading him besides me.

I’d been contemplating writing a piece which was going to be called IN DEFENSE OF KINK:  Rock On, David Carradine.  Because, between you and me?  That was definitely a case of kink gone awry.  And while I don’t participate in asphyxiaphilia, I know that it is much more common than people let on.  BDSMers are quite familiar with this type of edge play and the BDSMers who practice it understand its inherent dangers and adhere to stringent safety practises.  But even under the best of circumstances, sometimes things go wrong.  

It really pissed me off that the memory of this man whom I so loved in Kill Bill and my parents fondly remember as Grasshopper would forever be sullied because of the salacious headlines and internet chatter about this unfortunate event.  I detest that thing in we humans that makes us quick to judge and gossip and smugly condescend when our secrets are still safely in the closet.  The only difference between David Carradine and us is that he got caught in a most unfortunate way.  And yeah!  He happened to be in a wig and fishnet hose … but I’m so used to that, it’s almost vanilla to me.  So … no big deal.

I don’t like erotic asphyxiation and wished people didn’t  do it, but they do.  And probably people you know.  If there is one thing I know to the bone … it is that we all have our dirty little secrets when it comes to sex and what gets us going.  I just wish we were smarter when it comes to the dangerous and harmful stuff and that we would keep in our heads — instead of acting it out.

Let me tell you a little story about my real estate agent who for some reason has decided I’m a trusted confidant.  He stops by for coffee or the occasional margarita now and then, always telling me I have the best-smelling condo in the complex.  (I do have a certain affinity for candles, potpourri, incense and scent diffusers.)  Incidently, Thomas is very easy on the eyes.  He works out obsessively and has even had a bit of cosmetic surgery.

So out-of-the-blue one day Thomas shows up with the local alternative paper tucked under his arm, telling me he has a big secret that just has to tell me.  He has a second job that his family (whom I know, as they work out of the same real estate office)  doesn’t know about.  An avocation of sorts.  He goes on to explain that he is a male prostitute by night and to … "please don’t tell my mother!  I can trust you, Angela.  Right?" 

He proves it’s true by showing me his very own Masseur ad offering Discreet  Male Massages in that naughty little rag he’d brought with him.  Of course I was fascinated and asked a lot of questions.  Oh the stories I could tell you.  And maybe some time I will. 

But what I really want to get to is THE MEN.  THE MEN CLANDESTINELY SEEKING A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER.  Thomas told story after story of men who sought out his, ahem, services.  His little recondite cottage industry was robust and thriving.  He was actually turning down clientele, because of schedule overload.  What really fascinated me were the numbers of married men.  Doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs — they were showing up in droves.  Mostly married men on business trips, getting a little of strange on the side while away from the wifey and family.

What I’m trying to say is that everybody has their dirty little secret fantasies — and sometimes realities — and don’t you dare think for a moment they don’t.  Most people most likely slide through a lifetime of fantasized or actualized kink and no one is the wiser.  Some aren’t so lucky.  As sadly seems the case with David Carradine.  So, yeah.  I was going to write that piece.

BUT!  I wanted to get my ducks all in a row before beginning writing and did some serious research, which changed everything.  I’m sorry to say that I just didn’t like some of the other stuff I was finding out about  David Carradine.  It turns out that now, well, I just don’t like him very much anymore.  I’m not going into detail … it’s just too smarmy and sad.  The bottom line is I won’t be writing about Grasshopper.  But you can bet I’ll forever be fighting the good fight In Defense of Kink.

Love ya!  Off to read now.

xo, Angela

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Phone Sex Newbie of the Day

This is your lucky day!  Secret Maya is the new kid on the block and has a COCK FETISH!  And guess what?  She wants you to stroke it for her.  She wants to watch you jack that dick!  So pull up your cam and give her a call by  CLICKING HERE.

____________________

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Ya know, Angela, I was a good boy until I met you.  I can’t thank you enough.  — Mr. LB, who made me giggle with that remark.

 HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.  So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia, South Carolina, and Washington DC.

___________________________________

A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH

He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.  This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That’s 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the total number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That’s 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That’s 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That’s 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger?

I don’t think so.
___________________________________

ABOUT MEN

… a very bad girl!  Because even Lyndee came looking for me.  And OMG!  The emails waiting for me this a.m. 

Sorry I’ve been away for a while.  Alas!  Life happens and it just sometimes kicks your ass.  As it just did mine.  A family member was in the hospital (all is well now), a college friend attempted suicide (she’s okay now and getting help), and I’d volunteered to do some fun raising for a cause near and dear to my heart.  Concurrently, my PC was having more issues than I cared to deal with.  It all hit at once … and I just needed time to regroup.  Which for me, since I spend sooo much time at this PC, meant getting totally away from it.  And so I did.  I wasn’t anywhere near this blog or my email.  I did take some calls here and there, but mostly I was MIA

Which …

Brings up the occasional happenstance of PHONE SEX BURNOUT.  Not a particularly popular topic when reading Phone Sex Blogs.  Because we’re all Goddesses, dontcha know?  And we never have anything close to "real life" happening around us.  We’re too busy being perfect, beautiful, sexy and always in THE MOOD.  Ummmm.  Sure. 

Anyway, for the rest of you:  Yeah, it happens.  And when life throws you a bunch of curve balls all at once, well … what’s a girl to do?  You do what I did and have done and will continue to do:  You take a break and incorporate some personalized TLC into your life.   Which, come to think of it, can be rather Goddess-like, when that TLC consists of not only some quiet reading time, but a trip to the day spa and nail salon.  And some shoe shopping.  There just has to be shoe shopping in any female’s emotional rehabilitation.  Right?

In all seriousness, I do think it makes sense to take a break now and then.  Those of you who know me well, know I am really into health — emotional, physical and spiritual.  I take a shitload of vitamins and herbs, exercise regularly and struggle with my spiritual fuck-ups daily.  The simple and bottom line is balance.  An easy concept, but lots of work to pull off when you tend to be a bit obsessive and hyper-active, as I am.  Yes I am.  I know it, I own it.  It is what makes some of you love me, and it is what wears me down at times.

My callers should be happy that I take that break when I need it.  After all, if I’m not with you one hundred percent, why should I be taking your money?  It’s not fair to you.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s downright unethical.  When I’m with you, you deserve all of me.  You deserve my undivided attention, my passion for your particular fantasy, and my commitment to making that fantasy absolutely glitter for you.  It’s what I strive to do each and every time.  If I’m not up to my own standards, then I shouldn’t be taking your calls.

You know, occasionally, a guy will say to  me, "I wish my girlfriend were more like you," and I always jump to the defense of his wife.  It isn’t her job to be a Goddess.  It is so unfair to compare the woman you love with the fantasy of me or any other Phone Sex Operator, be we Goddesses, MILFs, Barely Legal Teens or whatever.  In fact, many of us are all of those and more; it just depends on where and how you find us.  This is for fun.  Don’t you dare mix it up with your real life and the real women in your life.

The bottom line is that I am a real girl in my everyday life … the girl next door.  I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, even a girlfriend by day and a Goddess by night.  Or sometimes vice verse, but you get the picture.  So the girl next door took some time off to be there for the people I love and who needed me.  But I’m here.  Yup, right where you expected to find me.

Oh, and I’m back in Goddess mode … so don’t fuck with me.

Or else!

xo, Angela

_____________

FYI … I will be working Saturday and Sunday.  Today I’ve got to go to the gym and hit the beauty salon.  Then it’s dinner and a show … a girl’s night out with a good friend.  You can bet I’ll be having steak tonight, yeah baby!

ALSO … I am messing around with Twitter and may be putting it up here at my blog so you can follow me a bit closer and know when I’m available for calls.  Let me play with it a bit more and we’ll see how it goes.

ONE MORE THING … Regarding all the emails in my inbox:  I just have too much to do today, but will get with you tomorrow.  I promise!  So hang tight.

Then again, I think I know a lot of these guys.

And I’m not just talking about my sweet humiliation junkies.  If ya know what I mean.

(buy the t-shirt)

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

I don’t like lesbian porn so much.  I want it to be about me.  And if they’re into each other, I don’t fit into the picture.  (from Mr. S., who is so charming he should be in sales — he’d be a millionaire)

Phone Sex Sweetie of the Day

lil girl chloe:  Eighteen and new on the scene, pigtailed Chloe is cute as a button … and she likes oral sex!

xo, Angela