Start living Creative, Courageous, Wild and Free EVERY DAY. In this program you will receive:

• 7 video lessons to guide you on each step of the Ziji Up! System and it’s cornerstones
• 5 group laser coaching calls
• worksheets and activities between sessions
• daily emails with insights and activities pertinent to the Ziji Up! step you are on
• online (and local!) community
• email and additional online support
• Q&A sessions online
• a successful SYSTEM to help you create  – and live – the life of your dreams
• increased accountability so you are more likely to DO the things you set out to do
• …and more!

This content-rich program is a great place to start, and is my most popular program. It allows you to be a part of a community of awesome like-minded Ziji Peeps, as well as have access to me during our weekly live sessions and group coaching calls.

Together, over a period of 7 weeks, you and I will be covering the five steps (plus a few bonus steps!) of the Ziji Up!™ System to create transformational results in your life. You will get more clarity, less struggle, an effortless approach to manifesting your goals and dreams, clearing away the obstacles, and higher levels of energy – and living a kick-ass life, aligned with your purpose and goals!

The ZIji Up™ Mastery Program is unique in that it addresses your whole life at the mind, body, and spirit levels: career, money, significant other/romance, friends and family, health, your physical environment, fun (and wildness!), and personal growth/spirituality. The whole shebang. I’ve found that people feel disconnected and unfulfilled when the various aspects of their life are not in alignment with one another. When life change is approached in a holistic way – taking into account your whole life and not just one aspect of it (such as career or relationship) – the results are lasting and you feel more whole and fulfilled as well. Your results grow as you save yourself years of coaching, reading and workshops by participating in this program with me teaching you throughout.

I don’t hold back with my coaching, and you’ll get a great experience of that in this program. We at Ziji like to say: “You Kick Ass – it’s time to start living like it!”

You are getting all the essentials of the many years I spent studying, learning and teaching others how to create and live a wildly fulfilling life, paying MANY of my coaches over the years who were with me as I was doing this intense work myself, and personally discovering which methods are truly effective and which methods haven’t been so helpful. I should mention: it is also a great value!

As we move through the 7 weeks, we will dive into each of the steps of the Ziji Up™ System, and you’ll get assignments related to each step. Each week, you’ll participate in a Training Module which will be presented in easy-to-access video modules, taught by me. Each training will include worksheets, checklists and other creative tools to help you apply these lessons immediately to your life. Sometimes, the assignments might give you something to think about, or there might be a writing exercise to get you absolutely clear (if you’ve read my Getting Clear eBook, you know that your clarity is key to getting quick results!). You can download everything easily onto your computer.

Our weekly group laser coaching calls will be a place for you to receive direct support from me, gain more clarity, learn from others’ questions and experiences, get some feedback about what you’ve been doing/thinking, and help you get unstuck if you happen to me in the muck. These calls will be recorded in case you can’t make them live. There is also a great community of Ziji Peeps you will have access to, with forums and other avenues for building a powerful support group. It really fires you up! Use the button below to contact us and find out when the next start date is.

The early-bird discount will be $247 (that’s $250 off!) I also offer additional bonuses for people who sign up early (like a free one-to-one session with me!). I like to hook my Ziji Peeps up that way, especially those that know what they want;)

Regular Price: $497

Early Bird Price – expires May 31st: $247 (use code EARLYZUMP at checkout)

 Ziji Me Up!

Coaching call dates and times:

• Saturday June 23 at 12-1:30 pm PDT
• Friday July 6 at 4-5:30 pm PDT
• Friday July 13 at 4-5:30 pm PDT
• Tuesday July 17 at 6-7:30 pm PDT
• Friday July 27 at 4-5:30pm PDT

“The first act of freedom is to choose it.” ~ William James

Life is about making choices.

Imagine bellying up to the counter at your local Ben and Jerry’s and asking the server for “whatever you think I’d like.”

Of course you wouldn’t do that. Well, maybe you would if you were feeling spunky. But normally, with a veritable rainbow of ice cream flavors tempting you, making a choice might be difficult, but you’d do it anyway. “I’d like me a scoop of Chubby Hubby and Everything Under The…, and please put the Chubby Hubby on the bottom and a scoop of peanuts for the top.” Psyched!

OK, it’s true that not many of life’s choices are as lightweight as choosing between chocolate and vanilla, and you don’t even get a pink spoon for testing out most things (damn! wouldn’t that be sahweet!), but what you choose and how you make choices (or don’t make them) is as central to your self-esteem – your inner badass – as taking responsibility for yourself.

Choices do, however, come in two flavahs:

1) ACTIVE: When you make something happen and live with the consequences, and
2) PASSIVE: When you “choose not to choose,” and continue to live with the status quo because the stakes appear too high for any changes choice might bring. This one can be a comfy place, but it gets booooooooooring.

Active choices can be painful. Feelings of fear and vulnerability often come along with the territory. When you acknowledge you have choice in the matter, you are more exposed (cross dem legs!). Alas, just because we know what’s best for us doesn’t make it any easier.

This kind of choice-making is risky, too. The most difficult choices don’t have any absolute right or wrong; there is no perfect solution (Dang! Where’s those pink taster spoons?). It takes great inner confidence (and courage) to face these hard decisions.

On the other hand, putting off decisions, or not taking the time to clarify what it is you want or believe in (which in general leads to crappy choices), can have serious backlashes in the way of stress, depression, discouragement, a total lack of feeling kick-ass, and even physical illness.

Procrastination and ignorance seldom has any favorable results. But that’s kind of obvious.

The take-home point is this: Once you accept that your choices create your experience and your reality, even if you don’t like what you created so far, YOU ALSO GET TO CREATE YOUR NEW REALITY – THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE! And now you can do so more mindfully, deliberately and, skillfully. THAT freakin’ rocks!

Though in the end the choice is yours, getting to the place to be able to make a decision doesn’t have to be a solo trip. Ask for help. Talking things out with another person can be helpful, especially someone who is on your side but has nothing at stake in your decision (like a coach, a spiritual teacher, or a counselor). Just putting voice to your concerns may help you sort things out, and writing down the pros and cons will give you more clarity than keeping everything in your head.

You can also learn skills that help you make choices that are more clear, deliberate, and in alignment with your passion and values (check out the free Jedi Juice™ training call, “The Power of Choice,” here).

Getting some distance (emotional or physical) may make sussing out your options (and what you WANT) easier, especially if that distance allows you to see the reality of the situation, rather than the way you wish it could be.

Even with thoughtful consideration, not every choice will be the right one. But wrong decisions don’t make YOU wrong. And, trite as it may sound, one of the ways we learn is through the mistakes we make. And on the flip side, one way we build confidence is to take risks, commit to a choice/decision, and succeed – but we won’t ever have that chance if we don’t ever deliberately make a choice!

Not each of the choices you make will have profound effect on the whole of your life. But the ongoing and continuous act of making choices will.

Making choices you believe in, choosing intentionally and with moral deliberation, taking responsibility for your choices – these are some of the markers on the road of living a kick-ass life.

Choose wisely, amigos!

(Again, if you’re looking for some Choice skillz, check out my FREE Jedi Juice™ training call, “The Power of Choice (and the freedom of owning your own sh#t)” on May 17)

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Freedom Mentor™ She helps individuals awaken their lives and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.FullOn365.com

I had a very sad experience this past week. A family had lost their baby, in the hospital, within 24 hours of their birth, from an accident. The air was heavy with compassion, as well as the underlying fear that something just as horrible could happen to us – by accident. The intensity of the grief was palpable, and I was in awe of how humans can actually make it through an experience like that.

Many people do get through life’s formidable challenges and continue with their lives, albeit changed. I got to thinking about resiliency, and how some people seem to take life’s blows – big or small – with relative grace, and others get thrown and sucked down by relatively less stressful events. What was up with that?

What helps people bounce back (or stay steady to begin with)?

I’ll give two examples of different perspectives that I’ve seen recently (names changed, of course).

If life could be graded, Christina would give hers an F.U. Her new job is stressful, her teenage daughter is struggling with depression, she and her husband are fighting a lot lately, and she hates herself for the extra 30 pounds she’s carrying.

Christina feels hopeless and her life seems depressing and dark. Every setback reinforces her feelings of pessimism and grim certainty that nothing will ever get better.

Barbara’s struggles seem just as daunting. Her husband just lost his job, two months after the birth of their first child. She is responsible for her elderly mother, who is becoming increasingly frail. To make things worse, her best friend and main support is moving to another state (yikes!) and the landlord just raised the rent by $200. Despite all this, Barbara gives her life a strong B+ and knows there are some A+wesome days ahead.

I’ve done my share of studying and exploring mindset and it’s effect on resiliency and optimism. A lot of my interest started because I grew up in the ghetto, and I wondered why some of us “got out,” and others didn’t. Most people don’t believe me when I say that about the ghetto, but then I point out that the movie Dangerous Minds was based on my neighborhood, and then they believe me.

Growing up, I watched most of my friends join gangs, drop out of school, and have babies by the time they were 16. I had a gun pointed at my face, point blank, when I was 15. When he pulled the trigger he aimed it just left of my head to be funny. To top it off, I had a schizophrenic bipolar father, an (ahem) challenging and aggressive mother, and I walked around – literally – with holes in my shoes.

But dangit, if that paragraph had you wanting to buy me a Coke, let me tell you: I was somehow happier than my other friends were.

For a long while I thought I was messed up somehow. For realz! Like I didn’t understand some “mature” truth about life that somehow made it suck more.

Then I started to pick up on the fact that despite my father being schizo-affective, when he wasn’t having paranoid delusions, he was actually super funny and positive. And my mother, while needing a few courses on anger management back then, was utterly unfailing in the way she supported anything I wanted to accomplish, and bounced back from adversity pretty quickly. And it was REAL! For both of them!

Somehow, our life wasn’t “ideal,” but we were going to have enjoy it anyway. And my parents always said, “Obstacles can become opportunities.” (We heard a baptist preacher give a speech at a graduation once, and he went through each letter of the alphabet like that, e.g. challenges into consciousness, and they stuck.) My one other friend from my neighborhood who went to college? Also optimistic. Ever since we were kids it was obvious.

Snap! I started thinking that while optimism wasn’t the only reason, it was probably a big one.

Using the examples above, I’ll bet your bottom dollar that unlike Christina, Barbara sees her setbacks as temporary obstacles to be overcome. To her, crises are a part of life, opportunities for her to gain wisdom and courage.

Put simply, some people are optimists and others are pessimists. However, optimism isn’t an accident–it’s a skill that can be learned, one that can help us feel better, resist depression and greatly improve our lives. I learned it from my parents, for sure. Studies have also shown that some part of optimism (a SMALL part) is indeed a biological wiring of our brain but – HEY! If you have pessimistic tendencies, don’t go down the “permanent” path – it is malleable! You can teach yourself, and learn, how to be optimistic. And that means you can teach yourself to be healthier and happier.

I Can Learn to Be Optimistic? Prove it!

OK.

Psychologist, clinical researcher, and bestselling author Martin Seligman has spent 25 years studying optimism and pessimism, and is one of the founding leaders of the Positive Psychology field. In his book, Learned Optimism, he states that pessimistic thinking can undermine not just our behavior but our success in all areas of our lives.

“Pessimism is escapable,” he writes. “Pessimists can learn to be optimists.” Does this mean when you are optimistic that you walk around ignoring suffering and negativity? Hellz no! It means you learn to not spiral down into a place where you are doing yourself more harm than good. And it means you don’t spend all your energy trying to protect yourself from suffering because you get that it is a part of life, so you might as well get on the bouncing-back-quickly bandwagon and learn some skillz. It means that you give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, and you have a more positive experience in life, and more happiness, even if nothing else in your life changed.

So why not, right?!

By altering our view of our lives, we can actually alter our lives, Seligman says. First, we must recognize our “explanatory style,” which is what we say to ourselves when we experience a setback (aka gremlin alert). By breaking the “I give up” pattern of thinking and changing our interior negative dialogue, we can encourage what he calls “flexible optimism.”

He believes that focusing on our innate character strengths (wisdom, courage, compassion), rather than our perceived failures boosts not just our moods, but our immune system. Research has shown that optimistic people tend to be healthier and experience more success in life; therefore, he encourages parents to develop the patterns of optimism in their children.

Practicing “spiritual optimism” is another way to improve the quality of our lives. Joan Borysenko, psychologist, speaker and author of several books, including Fire in the Soul, encourages people who experience feelings of despair and hopelessness in times of crises to remember it takes courage to live, and that we can find that courage by facing our fears, finding support and using meditationm or prayer.

Similar techniques outlined by Dr. David Burns in his book Feeling Good: “The New Mood Therapy,” have been effective in treating depression. He believes that changing our thinking has a profound effect on our moods, including cases of severe depression. It’s not our lives that depress us, he writes, but our thinking about our lives.

There are multiple theories out there, and a growing body of decades worth of research, supporting the idea that unless Christina begins to change her thinking, her life’s outlook may remain bleak and dismal. Barbara, however, is likely to experience more satisfying and fulfilling years ahead because she believes her life is filled with “challenges and opportunities,” rather than “struggles and obstacles” (same same, but different).

Where do you fall on the scale of optimism vs pessimism? Check out the UPenn site where they have all sorts of fun positive psychology tests (Optimism Test, Compassionate Love, Authentic Happiness Inventory to name a few) that might help you learn more about where you can grow, and where you’re already dropping into how awesome YOU and your life are.

Keep an eye out in April for my upcoming FREE teleseminar, “What the Hell Just Happened!? Adapting to Change.” I’ll probably change the title, but that sounded fun for now;) If you want to get on the wait list, let me know here and I’ll send you early registration (I will limit it to 20 people so we can interact during the call).

In the meantime, try a daily practice of waking up and practicing gratitude first thing in the morning (=before you even get out of bed, even before you open your eyes, or have sex). Its a great way to set the tone for your day’s mindset.

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives and personal success with confidence, clarity, and passion. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.ZijiLife.com

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”

One of my favorite poems about “showing up” is The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (I know…woo woo name but awesome poem). I invite you to partake:

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,”Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

(FYI, consider joining theMarch 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge for an extra kick in the butt towards living living in integrity, and holding your core.)

“Tell me, what it is you plan to do, 

with your one wild and precious life?”

~ Mary Oliver

• What am I most proud of in the past year? What are my greatest celebrations? In other words, in which moments was I most clearly and fully living my values?

• What were my greatest challenges? What patterns have I noticed that I have in those challenges?

• Who and/or what was most supportive of my journey this past year? Have I acknowledged them for this? If not, how can I do this?

• What are some of the things I can (and NEED to) let go of from 2011, such as judgements, expectations, and perspectives that no longer serve me? I highly recommend writing these down one pieces of paper and burning them in a campfire or other ceremonial fire. There’s something very symbolic, cleansing and releasing about seeing the flames engulf them and turn them into smoke. Poof! Gone!

Intention Instead of Resolution

When we set intentions, the Universe starts to shift and line up to help us make it all happen. For me, resolutions seem to imply a struggle…something you stick to “no matter what.” “Resolve” is necessary and you “better be ready for the fight!”

As an alternative, I suggest you enter into 2012 by setting an intention(s). This way, you ask for and receive help from the Universe to help you achieve your vision, and you don’t start off with the expectation that it will be a struggle. Challenges are different from struggles. They can even be fun and stimulating! In setting intentions, you know and trust that you create your life (see the December Ziji Up! 30-Day Challenge for a great “mantra” about this!).

In setting your intention for 2012, be VERY CLEAR! This means getting as juicily detailed as possible with:

1) How you want to BE/FEEL (I am confident, relaxed, content, a supportive partner…)
2) What you want to be DOING and (I work only 4 days a week and take long weekends once a month to visit somewhere new…)
3) What you want to HAVE (I have a loving dog, a comfortable home with lots of light…)

Write about how you want to feel, go into detail about what your perfect days look like. Write from what is possible, and in the PRESENT tense (e.g. “I feel blessed when I wake up with a smile on my face as I take in the beautiful view coming into my bedroom window. Love fills my heart as I walk downstairs and see my partner’s face”).

If you have a specific goal in mind, drop into what it would be like to have that, here and now, and what things look like around you, what your body feels like, what the weather is like outside, who you’re with…Go for it! Get specific, and remember not to focus so much on the “what,” but rather on how it feels to embody/have the “what.” Feeling registers more with your being…and thus the Universe (which is always on your side!).

I find many people focus on a “what” such as “more money” or “less weight” rather than on the feelings of having the “whats,” such as “abundance, contentment, and ease” or feeling “healthy, sexy, and fit.” Feeling these things is ultimately what we’re after anyway! Drop into the feeling, and rest will follow more easily, as our feelings are clearer than words (especially in my case!). Having said that, it is also important to be very specific about the “what” when you do describe it (e.g. not just “I have lost weight” but “I have lost 15 pounds”).

For more ideas about how to do this, check out the free Ziji Life Getting Clear eBook.

After getting clearer about your visions and intentions, ask yourself these questions (inspired from a friend and colleague, Christopher Kuntsch):

• What do I want to cultivate in my life to move closer to those visions – to what I see is possible?

• How will I need to grow? What skills, competencies, and qualities do I feel inspired to develop and nurture in myself? How will I do this? What support do I need?

Word of the Year

If that is too much for you (or if you simply want more!), then after taking some time with the earlier Reflection questions, pick ONE WORD that will set the theme for 2012. My business coach, Christine Kane, reminds her clients to do this every year, and I’d love to pass on this tradition to you.

Last year, one of my clients chose the word “release.” She had a habit of holding on: to objects, to grudges, to expectations. She wanted her next year to be about more readily letting go to allow her more freedom inwardly and outwardly.

What do you want 2012 to be about for you…in one word? Sometimes, simplifying things into one word requires – and allows – us to dive deeper into the root of what it is we are currently seeking or needing to move closer to a state of balance, fulfillment, and freedom.

Life is short. It is never too late. Do it now. Be it now. Live it now. Ziji Up! Have an outrageously fulfilling 2012 living your Ziji Life! I’m rooting for you!

“I expand in abundance, success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same.” ~ The Ultimate Success Mantra in The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks

The above “mantra” is encouraged to be said regularly in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap. I put it here because while we are all trying to figure out what the hoo-hah we’re supposed to be doing to live our purpose and genius, we need to remember to keep moving forward during that process, and saying this mantra can be a good reminder. Plus I simply dig quotes. 

Hendricks says it even produces results – just saying the mantra! Why not! But more on mantras another time. If you’re as impatient as I am, you probably want to know if there are any tools out there that can also speed things up towards your genius

Here are four questions to help you move closer to discovering your purpose and living your genius (you can read more about them in The Big Leap) .

4 Questions to Discover Your Purpose and Live Your Genius

1. What do I most love to do?

I love to play in the mountains and have adventures. Ever since I discovered them, the mountains have been one of the most consistent joy-producing sources in my life. I also love to dance. Throw me in the mountains to dance, and I am a pig in mud, a bee on pollen, a bear on salmon. What do YOU most love to do, so much that you could do it for long stretches of time and never get bored?

2. What work do I do that doesn’t seem like work?

When I am coaching, I remember the Double Dare Club I started as a kid (see below). I would feel a tickle in my stomach and a tingling in my whole being when I was doing something that stretched me, and watching and inspiring others to experience that as well. I could do that all day. I still feel that in my adult career as a coach. In the end, I can’t get enough of helping others see the truth that is already there: that they are magnificent, that the Universe wants them to manifest all their dreams (and is constantly conspiring to help them do so), and that life is so precious they need to get on it and LIVE it fully, right now, because they deserve to have a kick-ass time while they’re here.

When you’re at work, what are you doing when time seems to fly by, when you are feeling like you have endless energy to do that particular thing? Perhaps that thing even gives you energy. How much of your current workday is spent doing that activity? How can you increase that amount of time doing that? You must!

3. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to amount of time spent?

Gay Hendricks gives his example of allowing a few minutes of free-flowing thought every day. He finds that when he sets aside time for this (he takes an hour to meditate each day), he can have breakthroughs that result in marked increases of success in his work. Sometimes it takes months, but other times in a few seconds he’ll have an idea that will end up resulting in a product or book or workshop series that adds exponentially to his abundance.

This doesn’t mean YOU need to start setting aside an hour of free-flow thought a day (unless of course, that is your thang). However, it does mean it would behoove you to figure out what that special little thang is for you. And no, that’s not a typo. It’s a thang because it will bring you more satisfaction for the time and effort you expend at work than anything else ever would. For me its journaling and reading every day. Those two things gives me ideas for articles, workshops to offer, add to my skillset as a coach, come up with new programs…lots of great stuff! And I love doing it.

Maybe for you it is talking a walk in nature during lunch, calling up that colleague who really gets your creative juices flowing whenever you talk about projects, doodling…whatever it is, pinpoint what that thang is for you and spend more time doing it in your workday!

4. What is my unique ability (a.k.a. Superpower)?

I adore and appreciate how Gay’s granddaughter described one’s “unique ability” as a Superpower. So yes, let’s rephrase: What’s your Superpower? One client of mine excels at telling stories. Ever since she was a child she could captivate an audience with her stories. On a deeper level, she describes her superpower as knowing how to capture and hold attention on a deep level, and transport others with her voice. She could also tune into what story or lesson would be most beneficial to a group at a given event. Another client of mine didn’t discover her unique ability…ahem…I mean Superpower, until she was in her 40s. She discovered that she could see and be with others’ grief in a way very few people could, and this opened up a whole new career and way of being in the world for her.

Often this unique ability is developed at a young age. One of Gay’s granddaughters said her superpower is “sensing other people’s feelings” (she’s12 years old). It is not unusual that it develops as a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of stress, such as a volatile parent, an overbearing sibling, or being very shy in social situations.

For example, as a kid, I noticed that my cousins and friends and I got bored pretty easily. We were energetic, adventurous, bursting with life…and we lived in the ghetto. This meant we couldn’t run amok all over town lest something horrible happen to us. And our parents were strict enough that we couldn’t get away with even trying, lest something even more horrible happen to us at home. So, I had an idea: “The Double Dare Club.”

I think I was eight years old when I thought of starting the Double Dare Club. What was this club about? Well, it essentially consisted of me thinking up wild and crazy ways we could all expand our comfort zones in the relative safety of our own backyards. Then I’d double dare the club members to do it. “Expanding our comfort zones” is an adult way of putting it, of course. Back then I saw it as a way for us to have fun, be a little scared, and stop being bored. I was an only child and abhorred boredom. I’d cry from boredom, and avoided it at all costs.

No matter why we were in the club, however, it was paramount that what we did had to push our edge. Otherwise it would be boring.

These dares were customized by me. After all, members ranged in ages from 6 to 10 years old, and even boys joined my club. In fact, mostly boys joined my club. As an example of our dares, I had people climbing tall fences barefoot and launching off the fence into the neighbor’s backyard then stealing a basketball (which we’d quickly return once the deed was done) then coming back and shooting 3 straight free throws and making them, then jumping back over to return the ball all in 2 minutes. Did I mention the neighbor was mean? We also climbed up the REALLY tall redwood tree (yeah, we had one in the ghetto and it fell into our yard after a storm one winter and we didn’t have it anymore) and would see who could get the highest and then climb down, sometimes with one arm. Sometimes blindfolded. Sheesh. My poor mother. She didn’t know about any of that though.

In any event, I LOVED seeing my friends’ faces after they did each dare. They were absolutely thrilled and proud and giddy! If it wasn’t a hard enough dare, everything felt kind of flat. My unique superpower was hidden somewhere in there, for sure.

So..how do I describe what it is?

Articulating your unique ability is a tricky one to get at, as it is often hidden under a lot of layers. So, here are a few questions to help you peel those away:

• I’m at my best when ………
• When I’m at my best, the exact thing I’m doing is …..
• When I’m doing that, the thing I love most about it is ….

When I did this inquiry of “What is my unique ability” several times in the past, I thought my unique ability was to coach clients into a fulfilled life, or to midwife families into an empowered pregnancy and birth experience, or take them into the mountains to push beyond being scared, and instead be inspired and discover their courage. However, it was deeper than that.

When I peeled back the layers I discovered that I am at my best when I am totally present and connected with my clients. The exact thing I am doing – whether I was coaching, guiding, or midwifing – is completely tuning in to where they are at. I am listening on all levels to what they are communicating, and feeling intense compassion for them and excitement about how their life is unfolding as they learn more and more about what is possible for them, and integrate these truths themselves.

In being with my clients this way, I create a safe and courageous space for them to take risks (by the way, this is what happens whenever ANY of us are being with others in this way). Over the years that showed up in births, in the mountains, and in my client’s wild-innerness. The thing I love most about when that is happening is that I get to witness another being discover their power and live their truth, and that is a freakin’ amazing thing to behold. It gives me boundless joy because I know yet another precious life on this precious planet is going to be lived even more fully, and we ALL benefit from that. And they will never be bored. This life is too precious to EVER be bored.

I hope you take some time to discover your genius and create ways to live in it more and more each day. The world doesn’t just want you to – it needs you to.

Visualize yourself in a favorite place that you also associate as a very safe and healing place. It may be an actual place or an imaginary one but what is of utmost importance is that you see it as a safe place.

Once in your safe place see yourself surrounded by a ball of pure white light. This ball of spiritual energy will both protect you and energize your efforts at cutting the cords of attachments to those individuals you wish to cut from. When you are ready, call forth the individual that you wish to cut the negative cords of attachments from.

Once you visualize the individual standing in front of you, look down and see the cord that exists between you. The cord will be attached from navel to navel and is usually dark and thick, although there can be variations on the theme. It is important to realize that you are only cutting the cords of attachment that detract or cause conflict in the relationship, not the positive ties of love and respect that exist between the individuals involved.

Next, look the person in the eye and in a powerful, strong, and clear voice, speak the unspeakable to the person that you are doing the cord cutting with. This means that you say anything and everything that you need to say in order to clear the slate and release all pent-up energies and emotions that you have been holding inside but have been unable to express for one reason or another. It is important that you speak in a Voice of Power and Command, even if you could never do so with the person in real life. Remember you are in a safe place and are protected.

Once you have spoken and there is nothing more that you wish to say, you can choose to hear the response of the other person. However, this is your choice and if you choose not to hear the other person this is perfectly alright. If you do choose to be open to a response you will only receive the inner truth of that person/soul, not the responses that you might normally expect from the person. Remember, you are not dealing with the real person but their spirit representation. They will speak only the truth to you if you are willing and able to engage. Once this stage has been completed it is time to move on to the cord cutting itself.

For this, visualize a crystal knife available to you, or another object that resonates with you for cutting the cord. Take it in whichever hand feels most comfortable. Speak your intent to cut the negative cord of attachment that exists between you and the individual. Holding the cord with your free hand, bring the crystal knife blade down to the cord. Hold the knife next to the body and when ready, cut down and through the cord. If you wish you can say: “I cut this cord of attachment with you”.

Once you have cut the cord on your side, you can offer the crystal knife to the other person so that they can cut the cord on their side. The individual may or may not choose to do so. If they do, watch the cord fall to the ground where it is transformed into hundreds of beautiful butterflies which flutter away, or watch them simply dissolve into the earth.

Once the cord has been cut, thank the individual and then send them on their way. If the individual does not choose to cut their side of the cord, wrap the cord around the individual and then banish them from your space. Again, use a Voice of Power to send them on their way.

You are now free to leave the space and end the meditation, or to repeat the procedure with someone else that you wish to cut cords with. You can do this exercise of release as often as you want with any individual you wish to clean up a relationship with. It is important to remember that this procedure only releases the negative attachments that drain, cripple and harm us in some way and not the positive, loving aspects of relationship. Also if you feel the need to re-cut any cords that have become re-attached for whatever reason, you can do so at your leisure.

It can also be powerful to do this meditation with a friend across from you acting as the person you are cutting the cord with. It is intense to look a real human in the eye and say the things you’ve always wanted to say, even though it isn’t the actual person you’re cutting the cords with.

Indeed it would be terrible! Especially come Autumn when they all fall away! Imagine all those trees bending over with their branches frantically scrambling to pick up their leaves and trying to hold onto them, year after year. Think about all the things we are attached to: our ideas, our appearance, our grudges, our “things.” We scramble in this way when we see them slipping away, our grasp becomes more firm, and our energy more scattered. Yet there is so much we are meant to let go of to allow us to nurture our core, who we really are, and the things that are truly important. There is so much bullhonkey we mistake for things that are truly who we are, and they distract us from our truth.

Think of all the ways that you have been stopped from doing something new, opening your heart, or taking a risk in the name of something you’re holding on to. How many times have you said, “Oh, that’s not me/my style.” “I’m not ready.” “I’ll never forgive him/her for that.” “I’m not strong enough for that.” “I’m not good looking enough.” “I don’t deserve that.”

Here’s news: Some things are meant to be with us for only a season, some things we outgrow, some things were never a part of us to begin with…and we have to let go. Only in doing this can we have the energy and focus it takes to truly nurture our core and our roots.

5 Ways to Let Go This Autumn

1. Get super clear about what your TRUE CORE is…at least what it is for this season (things change – including YOU!). What is your identity?

This is not about the things you are simply “used” to identifying with. Not the characteristics in that box that people have put you in since you were 7 years old. Not the lessons you learned on how to protect yourself when your heart was broken 12 years ago. Make a list of 60 characteristics that describe who you are, your identity. If you were asked to give up 1/3 of those, which would they be? Cross them out. Then someone asks you to give up another 1/3. Cross those out. And yes, do that ONE MORE TIME – another 1/3. Let them go. What is the 10% you are left with? How much time do you spend nurturing these characteristics?

2. Forgive Someone

Will ya let go of that grudge already?! It’s fine and dandy to pick someone to forgive for a minor infraction. However, I encourage you to dig deep with this one and find someone with whom it is a bit more challenging to forgive. Not for their sake, but for YOURS. It doesn’t take a Zen monk to realize that not forgiving causes more suffering to the person not forgiving that it ever does to the person not forgiven. At the same time, there is an incredible amount of freedom that comes with forgiving. Is it really that important that your friend didn’t write or call for a few weeks? Or that you didn’t get invited to that one holiday weekend when everyone went to the ski cabin? Or that your meat and potatoes family refuses to comply with your vegan standards at Thanksgiving? And yes, is it really that important that your ex left you for someone else, or that your father was angry and violent…so important that it burns a hole in your heart to this day and keeps you from realizing complete happiness? Yes, it can be important, but not worth not forgiving and the suffering it brings you.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. We remember things for a reason. It helps us to learn from our experiences, to protect ourselves, and to remember what makes us feel good as well. It teaches us what we want and don’t want. However, forgiveness allows us to move on, to grow, and to expand instead of constrict, contract, and limit ourselves. It does not mean you have to forget, and put yourself into the same negative situation over and over.

3. Forgive Yourself

Wow. OK. So you totally screwed up. Man, you really blew it. What the hell were you thinking?

WHO CARES?! It’s done. It’s over. You can’t change what happened. However, you can change how you act now, and in the future. You can choose to respond instead of react. You remember what you did NOT so that you can beat yourself up about it every day, but so that you don’t make the same mistake again. You are allowed to grow and change. You are not your mistakes. You are a kick ass human being who is not broken or messed up or a lost cause. You are brilliant, magnificent, and creative. You can be whomever you want to be, be however you want to be, and do it (SNAP!) like that! You just need to decide to. So, stop beating yourself up about shhhtuff and forgive yourself. THIS will allow you to do things differently, because you acknowledge to the Universe – and to yourself – that you know you are capable of anything.

OK, now that we got some of the heavier “letting go” stuff out of the way, let’s get to some tangibles…

4. Get Rid of Stuff (e.g. Clean Out Your Closet, Remove Clutter)

This is totally about a big issue of mine. However, I have to assume I am not alone on this one. I am well-aware of the clutter my myriad t-shirts, yoga pants, tank tops, and jeans cause. Yes, I admit I even have dresses from the 90s. And maybe even one from the 80s. I like retro. Which would all be dandy if I actually wore them. And more than once every 3 years. Even though it was PERFECT for that rooftop party ages ago. And yes, that includes tutus…or does it? In any event, get rid of stuff. If you’re stressed about the money you spent on them, sell them to a consignment shop, to a used clothing store, or get a big phat receipt from Goodwill for your donation. Just ‘cuz you bought it doesn’t mean you have to keep it in that big box called your closet. Things in there are for things that get worn.

5. Stop a Bad Habit

What is a habit anyway? It’s not something we need. It is something we’re used to. Food, we need. Eating after work at 10pm, a habit. Rest, we need. Plopping in front of the TV after work and zoning out, a habit. Self-soothing when we’re stressed, we need. Nail biting, smoking, and complaining to anyone around us, a habit. Habits are yet another form of unconscious attachment. Let go of one…at least for 21 days. It is said it takes 21 days to form a new habit – like not doing your old bad habit!

Some final thoughts from Adyashanti:

Self-inquiry is…not about looking for a right answer so much as stripping away and letting you see what is not necessary, what you can do without, what you are without your leaves. In human beings…we do not call these leaves. We call them ideas, concepts, attachments, and conditioning. All of this forms your identity. Inquiry is a way of inducing a spiritual winter in its most positive sense, stripping everything to its root, to its core…This is a falling into the most essential root of being.

As you probably know by now, “Ziji” means “radiant inner confidence.” This growth requires courage and faith in who you are, and that you are indeed magnificent. Play with the courage it takes to let go, to see your core, and consider joining the October Ziji Up! Challenge for an extra kick in the butt.

As you practice saying the Italian phrase above with the accompanying hand gestures and exaggerated accent (hmmm maybe it’s just me who does that with Italian…), know that it means, “The art of doing nothing.” You might say, “Sure, I know how to do nothing!” We all “know” how to lay around and do nothing. But, as one of my favorite proverbs goes, “To know and not DO is not to know.” In order to Ziji Up, create, and live a wildly fulfilling life, you need to be able to slow down and rejuvenate. This allows the space to “download” inspiration from your higher power, get back in touch with who you are and what you want your life to look like, and restore the energy needed to do the work you need to do to make it happen (and be able to do it joyfully).

Many of us are too busy to do nothing, and when we do it, our minds are often on other things. We cannot relax and enjoy the nothingness, which – by the way – is what makes it “wasting time” and even “boring.” While doing nothing can indeed be a waste of time, it can also be an art form. Here’s how to become a master, and in the process melt away the stress and make yourself more productive when you actually do work (Note: some of these Ziji steps are modified from an old article by Leo Babauta’s in his “Zen Habits” blog, one of my faves).

1) Start Short and Sweet

When one is doing nothing in the truest sense of the word, it can be overwhelming, leading to uneasy feelings of imminent spontaneous combustion. Do small nothings at first. Start with 5-10 minutes at a time.

2) The Sweet Spot

Find a time and place where there are not many distractions, noise, or people to bother you. Personally, I like to be outside in my backyard, or at a nearby beach, lake, or quiet park. When I’m in the home there are too many reminders of what I should be doing. However, if you are bothered by bugs and hummingbirds and other things that make noise when they move or could possibly land on you, stick to the house (just make sure you’re not at work or in a busy public place).

3) Unplug

Doing nothing is hard when we are being called to do something. Turn off cell phones, the TV, computer, regular phones, Blackberries, and the like.



4) Now, do nothing.

I know. The smart-asses out there will say you’re doing something – you’re sitting there or laying there, closing your eyes. But I mean doing nothing in the sense that if someone were to call you up and ask what you’re doing, you’d say “Oh, nothing.” Don’t let them call you up, though. 

After 5-10 minutes of doing nothing, you can quit and go do something. But try to do this every day, or as much as possible, because it is not possible to become a master without practice.



5) Master Relaxation

An important part of doing nothing in longer stints is being able to completely relax. If we are tense, then the doing of the nothing is really in vain.

•    Relaxing starts by finding a comfortable place to do your nothing — a soft patch of grass, a comfy chair, a plush couch, a lazy hammock, or, in my case, a warm granite slab. Once you’ve found this spot, lie in it, and wiggle around to make it fit your body better (or for an advanced maneuver, make your body fit it better). Think of how a cat lies down, and makes itself comfortable. Cats are very, very good at doing nothing. You may never approach their level of mastery, but they make for great inspiration.

•    Next, try the following breathing practice. If this sounds like meditation, cast those suspicions out of your mind. We are not here to do suspicion — we are doing nothing. Breathing, like other bodily functions, happens. Start first by breathing slowly in, and then slowly out. Now closely monitor your breath as it enters your body, through your nose (feel the air as it passes the tip of your nose), and goes down your throat, into your lungs, and fills your lungs. Now feel it as it goes out of your body, through your mouth, and feel the satisfying emptying of your lungs.
Do this for 5-10 minutes, if you can. When you start thinking about other things, such as how great your Ziji Life would be if you were doing something, just bring your mind back to that feeling of air passing through the tip of your nose every time. Don’t smack yourself. Just go back to the breath.

If you’re still not able to relax and enjoy doing nothing, you may need to do a little something first:

• Try progressive relaxation, slowly tensing and releasing muscles from the tips of your toes moving up towards the top of your head (the top of your head is quite advanced, however).
• You can also try a hot foot soak, putting some hot water into a tub/large bowl and adding some Epsom salts or essential oils like lavender or rose. Be sure to put a towel underneath the tub so you don’t worry about getting water all over while you’re trying to relax. Soak for at least 10 minutes, closing your eyes and letting go.
• Leo Babauta also suggests self massage. In his words: “Try self massage. Start with your shoulders and neck. Work your way up to your head and even your face. Also do your back, and legs and arms. Avoid any areas that might lead to doing something (although that can be relaxing too).”

Now that you are relaxed, stop doing something and start doing nothing again.

6) Advanced activities

Those who are in the beginning stages of the Art of Doing Nothing should not attempt this stage, as you are doing nothing for quite a while, and yet you’re sweating. But once you’ve become proficient at the above steps, the stage of the Bath or Sauna can be epic. For the following, have water or another preferred beverage nearby (see #6). Just make sure your hydration:dehydration ratio is healthy.

Bath:

The bath must be nice and hot. Not lukewarm, but hot. Bubbles are also required, even if you are a man who is too manly for this. Other bath accessories, such as a loofah sponge, or bath gels, or aromatherapy oils, are optional.

Again, you must have all distractions shut off. Bathing is also best done if you are alone in the house, but if not, everyone else in the house must know that you CANNOT be disturbed. If they break this sacred rule, you must turn upon them with the Wrath and then get back to doing nothing.

Step into your bath, one foot at a time, very slowly. If your bath is properly hot, it is best if you get into it an inch at a time. For more sensitive body parts, such as the crotchal (is that a word?) area, it is best to squeeze your eyes shut tight and slowly lower yourself into the steaming water despite all instincts to flee. Once you are fully immersed (and you should go completely under, head included, at first), close your eyes, and feel the heat penetrating your body.

You may begin to sweat. This is a good thing. Allow the sweat to flow. You may need a glass of water as the sweat could dehydrate you. Allow your muscles to be penetrated by the heat, to be relaxed completely, and feel all your worries and stresses and aches and inner turmoil flow out of your body into the water.

Sauna:

Let the sauna heat up for at least 30 minutes, then walk in. You may need to sit on a towel to prevent the aforementioned instinct to flee, plus they are soft and fluffy and sanitary. Sit on the top level bench first to get the qi flowing, then move down to the lower bench if you start swooning.

Notice the beads of sweat forming, and imagine your body releasing all your tension and toxins. Let the sweat drip without wiping it off. Sip some water to replace the sweat. If you’re hard to sweat, toss some water on the rocks if it won’t cause an electrical fire of sorts. Try not to be one of those who does calisthenics in the sauna. This is Nothing sauna time. If you are near snow, get out when you can’t tolerate the heat anymore and roll in it (yeehaw!), then get back in the sauna.

A hot bath or sauna is even more awesome if followed by a bracing cold shower. Either way, get out of the bath once the water is no longer warm and your skin is very raisin-like, and get out of the sauna while you can still walk without passing out.

7) Sensuality

Doing nothing is also great when accompanied by involving some of the other senses. Good tea or coffee, wine, hot cocoa, and other sensual beverages go very well with the Art. It’s best to take these beverages by themselves, with no food, and without a book or other distractions. Focus on the liquid as you sip it slowly, savoring every bit of the flavor and texture and temperature in your mouth before swallowing, and feeling the swallow completely. Close your eyes as you do this. Truly enjoy this drink.

Foods are also great: dark chocolate, berries, rich desserts, freshly made bread, a juicy peach, the best soup ever, or whatever it is that you love. Be sure you eat it slowly, savoring every bite. Chew slowly, and close your eyes as you enjoy the food. Let it melt in your mouth if that’s applicable. Let the juice drip on your face. Feel the texture in your mouth. Yummmmm!

Incorporating the Art in Daily Life

Excerpted from Leo’s article, these are the “final exam” of mastering this Art. Don’t attempt these until you’ve practiced and become competent at the above stages.

• Do nothing while you are waiting: waiting in line, at the doctor’s office, on a bus, or in the airport. Wait, without reading a newspaper or magazine, talking on the phone, checking your email, writing out your to-do list, doing any work, or worrying about what you need to do later. Just notice your breathing, or try one of the relaxation techniques above. Concentrate on those around you – watch them, try to understand them, listen to their conversations.

• Do nothing when you drive. Yes, you must drive, but try to do nothing else. Don’t listen to music or news or an audiobook. Don’t multi-task. Don’t talk on your cell phone, don’t eat, and don’t do your makeup. Just drive. Concentrate on your driving, look at the things you are passing, and feel your breath.

• Lastly, try doing nothing in the middle of chaos, in your workplace or other stressful environment. Just shut everything out, close your eyes, and notice your breathing. Try a relaxation technique. Do this for 5-10 minutes at a time. If you can do this, in the middle of a stressful day at work or with the kids, you will allow yourself to focus more fully on the task at hand. You will be relaxed and ready to concentrate, to bring yourself into a state of flow.

Finally, the Art of Doing Nothing cannot be mastered in a day. It will take hours and hours of practice and hard work (doing nothing isn’t easy!). But you will enjoy every minute of it! Try it today, and consider joining the September Ziji Up! Challenge (hint hint).