Zombie Brew (An Adventure in Beer and Zombie Movies)

Exit Humanity and Ninkasi Total Domination IPA

2013-05-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

I was told to stay away from this film at all costs. I was told it was nothing but an hour and a half of a guy screaming in the woods. But I also wanted to point out that the person that told me that also thinks that a great classic car is a 1973 Volkswagen Thing and that the newest Taking Back Sunday album is really good…..so I decided not to trust his terrible taste. I decided to throw down an inexpensive but potentially awesome beer. I’ve been converted into a Ninkasi believer! Their beers are just wonderful. I love the imperial IPA and the Oatmeal Stout. I love Eugene, OR and everything it stands for. So without further ado….

Exit Humanity is truly a wonderful film. It has a similar feel to Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies but much more serious. It’s a dramatic approach to a zombie genre riddled with cheap laughs and lack luster performances. This movie is a standout in a genre where bad acting and special effects reincarnate into movie after terrible movie. This one is different. The movie follows Edward Young (Mark Gibson) on his journey back from the civil war. Towards the end of the war the world is gripped by a zombie plague which goes largely unexplained. Edward Young returns to his farmhouse to find his wife a zombie and his son missing. He kills his wife and battles insanity as he struggles to find his son. He eventually locates his son only to find he was too late and he’s already become one of them. The film then takes a dramatic change where Edward Young searches for reason in a world gone mad while dealing with his tremendous grief.

I quietly opened the beer as to not miss a line of dialog. This movie isn’t a fast paced action pact thriller. It’s a dramatic story of loss and redemption that just happens to have zombies. I respect that. But I know I’ll probably respect it even more with a beer in my hand. That’s where Ninkasi comes in. Total Domination is a pretty confident name. Must be the best……right? I pour the beer and it’s a beautiful hazy orange/tan/copper color. I don’t mind the cloudy. It might mean extra character! Sometimes that’s yeast sediment, sometimes there’s even bits of hops there. I think it’s really interesting to do a clean half pour….taste the beer. Then swirl the rest of the bottle in and taste again with the yeast. If you liked the first taste better then you learned your lesson for next time. This beer has a very thick massive off white head. I love it. Carbonation shoots up the sides of the glass to join their bubble friends. It dissipates a little more quickly than expected but left a nice lacing on the glass. It’s got all the character I expect from a big pacific northwest IPA. It’s very citrusy with pineapple and tangerine all over it. The first taste is quite good. It’s not overpowering but it’s nice. It’s sticky hoppy with a slick medium carbonated mouthfeel. It tastes very citrusy but with a bit of pine and a floral hoppiness that really comes through. But it also has a strong yeastiness that makes the beer almost chewey. There’s also a biscuit like maltiness that manages to escape from underneath the pile of hops. It’s good but not amazing. It’s a bit one dimensional. And if my IPA is going to be one dimensional I expect it to find that direction and mash the pedal to the floor! This one doesn’t do that. It’s really good and I’ll but it again but it pales in comparison to Founders Cascade IPA or the other strong examples of the style. I’m still a Ninkasi fan though!

We rejoin Edward Young as he crosses the countryside with his son’s ashes. He fights both zombies and insanity until he runs into trouble in the form of an enemy general and his doctor who have their own plans for the undead problem. Here a very familiar paradox is presented. What is the value of a life? If they evil scientist performs ghoulish experiments on hundreds of people only to find the zombie cure and save the lives of millions….is he still evil? He was trying to save live….the greater good. Or is one innocent woman’s life worth more than the lives of all those affected. I think it’s interesting because this same idea could be shot in the same movie from two points of views and both times you would have a different villain and a different hero. It’s all about perspective. Bill Mosley (of Dead Air and The Devil’s Rejects) and Steven McHattie (of Pontypool, the movie that Dead Air ripped off) both give fabulous performances. The movie has very convincing makeup at times and the editing does a great deal for making the zombies realistic and scary.

If you’re a real zombie movie fan then you need to watch this movie. It’s a fresh idea where there are so few no a days. The acting is far superior to many box office busters yet this film lives in the bowls of horror movie hell. The movie was great and to Chris….you have the worst taste!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3.5/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 3.5/5

Helldriver and Ninkasi Sleigh'r

2013-04-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

So I've finally gotten around to cleaning out those pesky porn links from my comment section (thank you spammers) and it's time to get underway with another review to open your eyes to something new. I was looking for something over the top and watchable. There are just those days where you can't watch another poorly acted, zero budget movies and today was one of those days. I am watching a movie that I'm only mildly sure is in fact a zombie movie. We shall see. I'm pairing this mystery movie with a little Christmas beer, Ninkasi Brewery's Sleigh'r Dark Double Alt ale.

The movie starts off wild. There are zombies. But they're over the top strange Asian zombies. Everything is exaggerated. Instead of a zombie who's head and spine are coming slightly out of its body there is a zombie with a 15 foot spine that our hero pole dances before chopping the zombie's head off. Pretty brilliant. They've got the hook set and i don't even have the beer open. They flashback to before the whole zombie thing happened. Apparently our chain-sword (like a chainsaw sword i guess) wielding heroine was once a tortured and sad little girl. Her mother and uncle (who happens to be a Japanese Nazi?) were evil. Like chop up the husband/brother in law and make hamburgers out of his legs while he's still alive, that sort of evil. Mom ends up getting hit with some sort of meteorite and gets turned into the super she zombie. Mom ten rips out her daughters heart and puts it in her chest (don't get sad she gets a robot heart). Before i get to into the weeds of this film let me start drinking.

The beer is very dark but not black. A deep mahogany with red hues. There's an off white head that dissipates. There's a pleasant but not overly powerful aroma of toasted malts and warm oatmeal. There's a little floral hops at the end and a little caramel maltiness that really is wonderful. And the taste!!! Boy I’m sure king Henry wouldn't have beheaded so many wives if he had more of this around. It's great! It's full but not overly heavy, sweet without being cloying or dessert like, and it's got just the right amount of hops to balance off this malty beast. For a cheaper bomber this is one of the most drinkable and well crafted beers of its type. When the occasion calls for a dark lager I’ll pass and instead grab one of these. This will be an "always on hand" beer for sure.

For the movie i'll only talk about a few of the more memorable scenes. There is a scene where a guy is able to sword fight a giant sword covered zombie with his pickup truck (that also has sword/spikes on it) the truck looks like it's dancing at times. It's a bit too much.

There's a pile of body parts that transforms into a stripper zombie with 4 sets of arms (all of which holding a sword and eventually M-16s) and tiny zombie baby hands coming out of her face. This zombie walks around on the swords like a weird spider.....awesome.

The zombie car. This is something i have never seen before and probably will never see again. As the uncle chases his niece he catches different body parts that are cut off from surrounding zombies. As the niece keeps hacking away at bodies uncle gets more parts until....duh duh daaaaaaa.....ZOMBIE CAR. He's driving a car made up completely of body parts. awesome.

There was one part where the mother queen zombie (who mind controls all the other zombies) creates a giant zombie monster made up of thousands of other zombies!!!! As our heroine climbs to the final battle she encounters her uncle who throws zombie heads at her (the horns are explosive...did i not mention that?) eventually the giant monster grabs a rocket and begins soaring to the zombie free side of Japan but really really there is just too much to do any of it justice. There is so much awesome and extreme gore. There's unique and innovative zombie deaths and even though I dislike a how much they deviate from the Romero model I was fully entertained and will definitely buy this movie. Thank you Japan for blowing my mind.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 4/5

The Devil’s Playground and Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus

2013-02-08T09:30:00.000-09:00

Here is a film that looks absolutely amazing in the preview. Just so you know there are two movies with the name “The Devil’s Playground”. The easy way to tell which movie is the right one is to find the one that’s got a picture of an Amish girl smoking a cigarette on the cover…..and buy the other one. It’s not the movie about revolting Amish youth. It’s the movie about zombies. It’s currently on Netflix “Watch Instantly” so hurry if you’re interested. This film is English so it’s got a different feel to it. It was dark and violent and very fast paced. I decided to branch out from my normal IPA fetish to experience some other more tradition beer styles. Here’s where I bring out a few bottles of Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus. It’s a German Weizenbock! Weizen is German for “wheat” and bock is “Ram”. Not sure how ram has to do with beer. Unless it’s so strong it feels like you’ve ban bashed by a Ram’s horns? Maybe?

Anyway let’s do beer first and then the movie. I’m usually not a big lager fan. As I’m sure my readers have noticed through my choice of reviews. Yes Rouge Imperial Pilsner, Smuttynose Maibock, and Sam Adams LongShot Dortmunder Export are a few exceptions but for the most part despite all my best effort I just can’t get into lagers. I feel bad even saying that. By saying I don’t like lagers I immediately exclude almost half of all the world’s beers (by number of styles not % of beer sold). It’s with a strong resolve not to be so exclusive that I open the large 500ml bottle and pour into a tulip glass. I’m not sure exactly what the proper glass for a weizenbock is. I’ve seen doppelbocks served in mugs which might be traditional but for me they’re far from fitting for such a beer. So tulip glass it is! It pours a very rich deep dark brown. It’s a bit cloudy with a two finger tan head that quickly falls and leaves no lacing. There’s a strong malt aroma and what I can only describe as a hot alcohol smell. It’s like pureed raisins and prunes. It has a big dried fruit smell actually. The taste is powerful. There’s that dark fruity flavor with a rich wheat back. There’s spice and a hint of liquorice and brown sugar in the slightly sweet finish. It’s medium carbonated, and medium bodied but very chewy. If what I explained to you sounds appealing….then good. But to me it’s not good at all. I’m sorry I hate dried fruit and this beer reeks of it. And liquorice! Why don’t you just punch me in the balls and call me Sally because that’s how I feel. Beer Advocate puts this beer in the exceptional category…I put this beer in the exceptionally bad category!

The film on the other hand is in the exceptionally AMAZING category. Film starts off from a security camera in a destroyed lab room? This huge English dude is all busted up with broken glass sticking out of his face. He’s talking to the security camera about his role in the apocalypse and his path to redemption. I know I’ve seen this guy a million times. IMDB shows that it’s the six foot three Craig Fairbrass. He was in a ton of movies including The Bank Job and Cliffhanger! In fact most of the people in this film are in other legit movies. Dog Soldiers being the one that stands out to me. Also I didn’t check the list of actors very closely before I hit play so I was surprised when I saw Danny Dyer in this movie!!! He’s the guy from Doghouse that all the women love. He’s hilarious and just plain awesome. He’s the guy that rogers up to any horror movie they throw at him. Zombies? Sure. Vampires? Sure. Strange Russian Soldiers hiding out in a hillside? Fuck yea!

The film goes through a trial of a new drug that will make people smarter, faster, more focused, and just all around awesome. They give the trial to something like 20,000 people. Everything is great until they start to have side effects. First it’s bleeding, vomiting, the whole nine, then ultimately ZOMBIE!!!! All accept one woman. As she tries to escape the city Cole, a hardened hitman for the company that created the disease, tracks her down in hope that she holds the key to a cure. There’s a sort of love story between the girl who’s immune and her cop husband/ex husband? who was put in jail for shooting a kid. The real story of the incident comes to light in the final stages of the film.

There’s a lot of amazing things about this movie. The actors were great and very believable, the gore was realistic, and the sets were new and refreshing. But every zombie movie comes to a point where they need to decide what type of zombie they’re going to use. This makes a big difference in every other aspect of the movie. Because all the people were given a drug to make them superhumans they didn’t just turn into zombies….they turned into SUPER ZOMBIES!!! This I wasn’t a huge fan of. Zombies that can jump, climb, and run like Olympic athletes really tests what I feel is reasonable. But in this case if you can overlook all that and focus on how well done the acting and the special effects are then you’re really going to enjoy this movie. I know I did.

The Beer:

Aroma – 5/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 10/20

Palate – 2/5

Overall – 5/10

Total = 24/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore –5/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4.5/5

Zombie Apocalypse and Dogfish Head's Nobel Rot

2012-10-29T21:03:00.003-08:00

So I’m trapped in Yorktown, Virginia for a week long class I’m taking. So in addition to catching up on some school work, I’m also catching up on some zombie movie watching. I’m giving this particular movie its second chance. I watched fifteen minutes of it on Netflix but the quality was lacking and I just couldn’t muscle through it. But this time I can. This time I have a secret weapon. I have Dogfish Head’s Nobel Rot!!! This is supposed to be a wild blend of beer and wine. Now while I am fairly well read with beer art and science but I am a simpleton in the world of wine. So I am going to limit my description of the beer to what the Dogfish Head website says and what my taste buds tell me.

The film is much better on DVD than on Netflix. The black colors are blacker and everything is sharper. Maybe it’s just my computer. I have no idea. Another reason for watching the DVD instead of streaming is the intro comic inside the DVD case. I found it after I watched the movie and while unnecessary, it’s helpful in really understanding the movie. There’s a certain raw badassness that reminds me of Ninjas vs. Zombies or Dead Moon Rising with better picture and audio quality. It’s not Shawn of the Dead….but few things are. The movie centers around an ex US Special Agent Dwight Miller (some sort of super dude position) who falls in love and marries a government scientist that is developing the ultimate biological weapon…ZOMBIES!!!! His understudy, a powerful and quick agent codenamed “Net” turned the couple in for their prohibited relationship. She was moved and he was on the run…until….Net lets the zombies out to kill Miller. Miller escapes but so do the zombies. What happens next is the end of the world.

I pull out the giant 750ml bottle and uncap it. I have my special Belgian tulip glass just for beers like this. Dogfish.com says that the beer is a Saison base with viognier grape must added. The must (unfermented juice) has been infected with a fungus called botrytis. This is supposed to reduce water content and magnify sweetness and complexity (as well as alcohol potential…POW!!!). As if that’s not enough pinot gris grapes are added. And not any pinot gris grapes these are special dropped fruit grapes. As an expert (I watched the movie and read the book “A Good Year”) I can tell you that some of the grapes are clipped so that more juice and nutrients can get to the remaining grapes. The result is a 9%abv 18IBU beer that just aches to be drunk. Once again Dogfish Head does something creative and inspiring. But, how does it taste?

It pours a effervescent crystal clear deep gold. It reminds me of Duvell without that signature marshmallow mouse head. Immediately I can smell the grapes. There’s a tart and musty aroma with earthy and wine like finish. I actually think I’m smelling a wine. I can sense a bit of that Belgian yeast character but I actually wish there was a little more. I am a little worried because I see a similar body and color to the Festina Peche, one of my least favorite beers ever. If this has as much tart as that beer it will be a big and expensive drain pour. First sip…..AWESOME! It’s got a big white wine punch up front and it fades to a tart twist of grapes and tannic bitterness. Its light bodied and pretty highly carbonated. It dances on your tongue and leaves you with a smack. You could feed this beer to your snobby wine friends that look down there nose at you and look them right in the eye as they shake in fear and nod with respect. You will know you’ve won. And life is all about winning.

Back to the movie. Acting seemed to take a vacation for parts of this film. To say that some of the acting was forced is like saying that Glen Beck isn’t particularly fond of liberals. But actually works. There is some cool camera work (think the getting ready for work montage in Shawn of the Dead). And the resident badass, Miller, has a better tough guy voice then Christian Bale and Rorschach. Some of the special effects were pretty terrible, like the several times where machetes are obviously being pinned between the zombie’s stomach and arm. Or punches that are thrown way in front of people and zombies. But despite some bad special effects and some spotty acting there are still several compelling parts of the movie and in the end it’s just plain fun. The movie is part of this “kick ass and have fun” era of budget zombie movies that is still churning out new and interesting films every year. Do you need to see this movie…NO. Should you see this movie…..yea I guess….if you want…..shit I don’t care. Was it good? Yea? I think so? I think I’ll have to leave this post with more question marks????????

The Beer:

Aroma – 11/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 9/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore –3/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 3/5

The Dead Outside and Samuel Smith's Pure Brewed Lager

2012-10-18T20:34:00.001-08:00

It’s not often I review a Pilsner or in this case a “Pale Euro Lager” but I came across a smoking deal and I’m a huge Samuel Smith’s fan. Samuel Smith’s Old Brewery Pale Ale was a “life changing beer”. I’m sure if you’re reading this blog you know what I mean. It was the beer that changed the way you think about beer. I’ve had a couple of these. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale opened my eyes to craft beer and that addictive and painful plant we call hops. Stone Ruination gave me a kick in the teeth and left me crying in the corner. I had no idea beer could be that intense. Flying Dog’s Gonzo Imperial Porter opened my eyes to dark viscous beers that send most to hide under the covers. And then out of nowhere Samuel Smiths Old Brewery Pale Ale taught me the wonders of well crafted and well balanced simple ales. Other Samuel Smith’s Ales have stirred up similar feels of respect and admiration. And I believe Samuel Smith’s is the oldest brewery in England. Having that thought in mind I dug out an English zombie movie that I have wanted to see for some time. The Dead Outside is the film and the preview was really cool. It was dark and pretty intense looking so I’m excited.

The film starts out with that professional looking grey hue. There is the feel of dramatic indie dribble right from the start. There’s no words for the first good chunk of the movie, just a guy running out of gas and making his way to a deserted farm house where he takes shelter. Here he meets the female lead April. The actress that play April has only one film in her IMDB database. That should be sort of a tell all. She is distrustful but not so much that she kicks the guy out of her house. No she lets him stay the night and eventually (with no real reason) decides to let him stay around. She whines and yells all the time. And the guy just kind of mopes through. If these characters were any more one dimensional they would be made out of construction paper. She’s painted as sort of a loner badass with a delicate and unstable disposition. Like a girl trying to be strong despite all her fears. If you believe a word of what I just said then your trying as hard as I was to like this film.

There’s minimal scenes with actual zombies. Most of the time it’s just arguing and yelling with this obnoxious English/Irish accent. The plot is thrown at you as a monkey would throw its own shit. It’s all over the place and with no real semblance of a plan. So they deduce that she’s immune to the zombie plague because she’s able to bash zombies to death, get blood all over her skin, and not turn into one. That to me isn’t a sure thing. Also the guy is infected but taking meds so he won’t turn? She finds out and wants him to stop taking them? Come on people make this thing work. Pull it together. Shit I need a beer.

I turn my attention away from the riveting movie to open my Samuel Smiths. One thing I love about the beer is the larger than normal bottle. It’s a 550 ml bottle (18.5 oz for those of you not up on metric). I pour the beer into my big 22oz pilsner glass. It’s a bright clear gold with a nice foam head that reaches almost to the top of the glass. It’s effervescent and clean looking. The aroma is slightly grassy with faint fruit notes. There’s a lager like cleanness that you can smell. No diactle at all. The aroma carries toasted cereal and slight hay to the nose. The slightly fizzy lager has a smooth and very full mouthfeel for a lager. It’s not thick by any means, instead it’s clean and crisp and well balanced. The pale malt is complex and refreshing with an enjoyable grassy hop flavor and slight bitterness that lingers. The Pale Lager is 5% abv giving it a slight edge over the common pale lager. As always with Samuel Smiths beers I’m impressed with the well crafted and incredibly drinkable beer that they’re created. I’m normally not a huge fan of English ales. Most are too fruity and not hoppy or bitter enough for me. Samuel Smith beers on the other hand I find incredibly drinkable and well crafted. I wouldn’t venture too far into their offerings of imperial styles as these lack the American power and that full attack flavor, but their base offerings (lower alcohol styles) are incredible depictions of the styles they are modeled after. Try a Samuel Smiths, try them all!

With a renewed strength and sense of purpose I’m able to continue through this giant flaming turd of a movie. The more I think about it the angrier I get. The preview looked good! How can the movie be this disappointing? A woman shows up trying to take refuge in the farm. April lets her stay a few days then kicks her out. I guess it was okay to keep the guy around but not some chick too. No that’s too many mouths to feed from my giant farm. The next part I had to rewind and watch twice as I was getting bored and drifting in and out. From what I gather the girl decides to make tea for her last night on the farm. She gives some to April who immediately passes out. She wakes up in the back of a van all tied up. I guess she wasn’t going as peacefully as she led on. Then there’s a car crash and some more shit happens and basically people die and this movie sucked. I’m glad this was a watch it now because I’m not going to spend money on such a shitty film. Thanks for the shitty movie. Three pints of fine English Lager couldn’t save this burning shit covered train wreck of a movie. Thanks for wasting two hours. Fuck you.

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 2/5

Plot – 1/5

Gore – 1/5

Zombies – 1/5

Overall – 1/5

RAMMBOCK: Berlin Undead and Spaten Optimator

2012-10-14T14:17:00.001-08:00

Here’s a benefit of being a zombie that you don’t often hear about. As a zombie your stumble about the earth barley aware of your surroundings until you find someone to eat. Then you just go at it ripping and chewing an entire person who is still kicking and screaming. Conversely, if your me, and you eat a few mouthfuls of what turns out to be “not quite cooked pork” then your bedridden for two days of purging every way your body knows how. That’s why I was watching a zombie movie at 1040 on a Monday. But don’t worry my friends I’m okay! Or more importantly for the validity of this blog….our tradition is safe. I first intended to watch this movie without the beer and then in a few days (when my consumption is more than crackers and water) I would throw down the belated bubbly beverage. But due to a kick of my conscience and the fact that a zombie movie isn’t the best medicine when your body is ready to vomit at the drop of a hat, I decided to delay the rest of the movie till the end of the week. That brings us to tonight. My stomach feels like a tank and I’m ready to go! The movie: RAMMBOCK (Berlin Undead). The beer: Spaten Optimator (a bock!).

The cover looks great and unlike the old saying “You can’t judge a book by its cover” I find that you can…and often are right. When I saw the cover of Living a Zombie dream or I, Zombie I knew what it was. The cover told everyone out there that this was the biggest steaming pile of dung the world had ever seen. No you say? Look further Shadow: Dead Riot….terrible. C.H.U.D., Night of the Creeps, Beaver Lake Zombies, ZOMBIE ABOMINATION!!!! Let’s all get off our high horse and admit that sometimes it’s okay to judge. This movie looks cool. And it’s German….so Spaten seemed like the obvious choice. Plus it’s nearing Oktoberfest so it seems only more fitting. This is one of the few lagers that I’ll make acceptations for. Normally I go with ale, but sometimes a nice dense malty lager fits the bill, especially when it’s getting cold. This isn’t the BEST dopplebock but it is probably the most readily available high quality version out there. I haven’t had Optimator in just over two years. This all because the wife and I dressed up in the Oktoberfest appropriate beer wench and lederhosen costumes and consumed HUGE amounts of said beer over a two day period. But I digress…the movie!

Film opens with our oafish lead. He’s awkward and going bald in a sad strange way. He’s frumpy and boring but at the same time a little annoying. In the course of the first five minutes of this film I already hate him so much for no real reason. I’m able to gather that this spineless love struck sap is returning the keys to his now ex girlfriend. He was supposed to just mail them but he’s set on winning back the love of his live through whining….awesome. He goes into the apartment only to find she’s not there. Instead there are two maintenance men inside. One of which turns into a….you guessed it….ZOMBIE. Things in this movie are exactly how I would imagine they would be. It’s grey and real. The lead and his surviving maintenance guy sidekick handle the zombies how people probably would. They make their own weapons…..fail…..they just sit and wait……fail…….and they run……semi-fail. This movie isn’t overly original but it’s also not an exaggerated and unrealistic piece of garbage. I would prefer this than another dozen Resident Evil films.

The beer. While I’m not a huge fan of most lagers (I know you know by now) I still have a huge amount of respect for the history and culture behind each glass of that tall foaming lager bier. Spaten brewery has roots dating back all the way to 1397! When we talk about anything prior to 17XX my head starts to explode. It’s just hard to think about life that long ago, but at least it had beer. By 1867 Spaten (the German word for spade) becomes the largest brewery in Munich. In 1893 Spaten was producing almost 14 million gallons of beer a year. That’s an enormous amount of beer especially “pre refridgeration”. Even more staggering is their 1996 peak of 29 million gallons. That’s a lot of beer!

Judging by the official American website Spaten exports 4 beers to the US a Pilsner, Dunkle (weizen I assume), Oktoberfest (seasonal), and Optimator (doppelbock). Today I’ve paired the movie with what I believe is there most widely sold and most interesting brew. It’s 7.6% abv but feels much MUCH higher. It pours a deep mahogany brown with reddish hues when held to the light. There’s a small light tan head that leaves some lacing. The aroma is malt forward with loads of molasses and a slight spiced rum aroma. It’s pleasantly sweet aroma has the threat of a hot high alcohol kick. The taste is similar. There’s this rich malty sweetness mixed with a big alcohol bump and the astringency of the grain husks and dark specialty malts. The sweet liquor makes you suck in when you finish. Almost like a scotch. It’s a tough beer and not very drinkable. It’s as if your body can sense danger and will not allow your body to consume more than 2 or 3 of these. I’ve heard it’s possible that true Germans are born without this ability and can continue drinking these until they are fall down drunk. That fact is still unverified.

This movie does have a twist that I found interesting but I’m not sure if I like it. The zombies are affected by flashing lights. Their retinas are supposedly very sensitive and flashes of light are extremely painful for them. So something like a camera becomes a weapon. The makeup of the white eyes helps to reinforce this possibility. I’m not so sure I buy it…but it was still pretty cool. Overall our characters were resourceful and inventive even if a bit boring or unlikable. Part of this is not the fault of the actors, and it’s not that the writing is bad. It’s that there’s not enough of it. The movie is just over an hour long. Not a lot of time. Certainly not enough to see the characters grow. Another 20 mins would have made this movie 100 times better. Maybe even a classic. Just when you start to respect the lead and think he’s turning into a sort of anti-hero…the movie ends. Just when the sidekick gets a girl…it ends. You never see things really come together.

I really liked the special effects but I’m not sure that they were professional quality. Some of the appeal of the makeup comes from the fact that the director used the setting and the action to take the spot of close up gore shots. A view from an upstairs apartment window replaced the close up in your face shot of other big dollar productions. In a way it helped make it feel as if you were at that window. There was also a lot of cutaways. I didn’t realize how many until I reflected on the action later. This movie does a great job of giving the unsettling feeling of gore without pushing in right in your face. It’s almost a higher level of cinema.

Like the beer, RAMMBOCK is dark and a bit astringent leaving the consumer intrigued but in the end a little disappointed. Sure it’s not bud light or Resident Evil for that matter but it still doesn’t hold a candle to Ayinger Celebrator or The Horde. In honor of Oktoberfest we deem thee “da German xombie movie and das beer”.

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 7/10

Total = 37/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore –3/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 3.5/5

The Signal and Boulder Beer Co's Mojo Risin' DIPA

2012-10-06T19:30:00.002-08:00

I found the time to thumb through my movie collection to audit what I had and what I needed. In the process I realized it’s been quite a while since I last watched the movie The Signal. How could this be? It must have been one of those movies I put off reviewing until a time when I had exhausted all other quality films. I’ve been watching a slew of okay but largely unoriginal movies and thought I would spice things up for all of you. If you haven’t seen this movie then stop right now. Don’t read ahead! Drop all plans for the evening and hunt down a copy (good luck). While you’re at it find some Mojo Risin’ Double IPA. Park your ass on the couch as this will be a night you will not soon forget.

I’ll warn you that this movie starts fast. This isn’t my first go at it and I know better than to try and do any other tasks while this movie is on. So the popcorn is in the bowl and the beer is in the glass. I’ve got my feet up and the movie ready to be started. Everything is right in the world. All except I didn’t mention one….little….detail. This isn’t a zombie movie. Technically. But it’s pretty darn close and it’s amazing. Just watch it. So we begin.

This film comes at you like a raging bull hopped up on coke and caffeine. The opening scene drops you at some cabin in the middle of the forest where a creepy nerdy guy is torturing and killing women. It’s really B-rate and grainy. There’s no plot just women trying to cut the barbed wire off of themselves so they can try to escape. A few minutes into it though it cuts out and turns into this strange blurry colorful picture that you might get in your media player. That’s “the signal”. The whole thing was playing on some guys TV and not the movie itself. But don’t be lulled into a sense of security because it’s about to come back around real soon and just as bad.

The guy who owns the TV (Ben) is in bed with a married woman (Mya). Despite his pleas for her to stay and just leave her husband (Lewis) she goes back to him. She narrowly escapes one of the “crazies” and gets back to her apartment. There Lewis confronts her and displays signs of being aware of her mischief. But before she can jump in the shower and get settled down Lewis has become infected and goes Babe Ruth on his buddy’s skull. Shit spirals really quickly. In the hall people are stabbing and mauling each other. Mya eventually escapes with one of her husband’s friends. He eventually turns crazy…or maybe not. The director does a great job of casting a certain degree of doubt into his mental state. That made the whole thing even more frightening. When a crazy person in mauling an innocent man or a man stabs an attacker in self defense it’s hard to tell the difference. And at a certain point paranoia takes over and the line blurs even further. I’m going to seep forward a bit. Car crash, Rods knocked out, Mya is walking to the train terminal.

If I don’t stop now to talk about the beer it won’t be till the very end that I remember to mention it. I just get so excited about this movie. So I managed to pick up this normal $8 six pack for $10 a case!!!!! Basically I got 24 for the price of 6. Gotta love the military exchange. And I do love me some DIPA. It’s a light medium amber with a decent off white head. The aroma is beautiful but not overwhelming (as if there were such a thing). There’s lots of pine and citrus and it’s very sticky and sweet. There’s the presence of malt but none of the lemon or grassy aroma that would be common of the newer breed of American IPA. Boulder Beer Co, the oldest microbrewery in Colorado, says the beer is double dry hopped with tons of Amarillo hops. Thus the “outrageously intense” grapefruit like aroma and flavor. The first sip is wonderful. The beer is moderately carbonated. Just a bit lower than I like but perfectly suitable for the style. I understand that what I like doesn’t always mean what’s the best for that beer in that style. So I will forgive what I feel is slightly low carbonation. The flavor is great. Exactly what I want in a double IPA. This one focuses on the flavor and aroma hops and doesn’t kill your tongue with 100+ IBUs like some beers (STONE). There’s tons of the same stuff you smelled. Mostly grapefruit. There’s a healthy malty base with this beer. It’s just slightly sweet. It actually is VERY drinkable for a 10% abv IIPA. That’s saying a lot about the crafting of this special pint. Is this the unique monster that Smuttynose’s Big A IIPA or Stone’s Ruination are….no. But is this a very tasty in incredibly drinkable IIPA that should be stocked in everyone’s fridge for movie night…undoubtedly YES!

Back to the carnage!

Something that I should have mentioned earlier is that the film is broken up into different transmissions. Each one was directed by a different person. None of the directors had contact with each other. The three transmissions were in different genres; 1. Horror 2. Dark Comedy 3. Science Fiction. This was something I didn’t know the first time I watched the film and it made the second viewing even more impressive. That’s why the first transmission was so violent in a heart racing, arm of the chair gripping kind of way. The second part of the movie (where I pick up here) is very different. Yes it’s still violent and bloody in a very unsettling way….but it’s also hilarious. My wife was using the computer and I had my headphones on when I was watching it. So it was awesome to see her face as I laughed out loud at scenes that she found repulsive. The whole second transmission takes place in a house where a very 50’s Leave it to Beaver type husband and wife are having a New Year’s Eve party. Well he’s dead. Wife killed him when he went crazy. But the party goes on anyway. The way that the director blends the mundane and the extreme are beautiful. Trying to make small talk while caked in blood and surrounded by dead bodies is a pretty funny thing.

I don’t want to go on forever but I do want to capture a few of the major victories of this film. I don’t know what kind of budget they had but this movie is theater quality big block buster stuff. The severed head scenes are great and when the guy drills into Lewis’s arm I almost threw up. But it wasn’t just the special effects that made this movie great. It was the originality and fearlessness. It was having a person on fire running by and nobody even looks up. Then a guy chases people with a chainsaw only feet from our main characters and they barley look up. It was funny and gory and scary. I was blown away with the acting. Each character was believable and likable (maybe accept Lewis) and each was real. Each person was unique. This movie left me with an unsettling feeling yet I immediately wanted to watch it again. I shamelessly give this movie the 5 dead hand rating despite its lack of technical zombies. Screw anybody who disagrees.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 9/10

Total = 43/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 5/5 (this movie is so fucking great i'm bumping this to a 5)

Overall – 5/5

I WROTE A BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-09-06T07:09:00.003-08:00

Hello faithfull readers and fans. I know your all just beside yourself with excitement and here goes. I have finished and published (on Kindle only) my first zombie book, The Undead Hordes!

The book follows the residents of a downtown apartment in Providence as the zombie plauge hits and slowly takes over. A nearby Air Force base tries to become a refugee camp for survivors but the zombies are nothing compaired to how terrifying human nature can be when left unchecked. This book isn't for the faint of heart. It's dreary and gray with a realism that most zombie books and film lack. It's raw and honest with massive ammounts of gore that will surely send the squeemish to bed terrified.

BUY IT HERE!

I fully intend to continue with this blog. I'll always have time for zombie movies and beer. Thanks to the thousands of people that have visited this site and thank you to those that will buy my book!

Abe Lincoln vs. Zombies and New Belgium's Belgio IPA

2012-08-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

So it’s been a good week for me and zombie movies. Yes my friends I’m back and more motivated than ever. I’ve seen glory and the promise of a bright future. It’s called Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies!!!! How could one movie meld history (sort of), humor, horror, and romance all in one movie? I’ll tell you how….Abe F*ing Lincoln that’s how! And I paired this movie with a New Belgium beer that my wife surprised me with the other day, Belgo IPA. It’s supposed to be a perfect blend of Belgian Trippel and American IPA. You had me at Belgian…….you had me at Belgian.

The movie starts off big with a young Abe Lincoln rushing into his parents cabin after hearing a gunshot. He found his father sitting in a chair with a self inflicted and fatal gunshot wound. His mother had turned and was tied up to the wall. Abe does what needs to be done and beheads his own mother. Talk about convictions. Even as a young man they paint the picture of a man with strong character and resolve. Fast forward to the middle of the American Civil War. Abe gets a report of a failed covert union attack. The sole survivor was a Major who was undoubtedly turning into a zombie. Lincoln decides he will lead a team of twelve men to the sight of the attack to find out what happened.

As Abe formulates his plan of attack I formulate my own plan. It includes opening the bottle, carefully pouring into my Sam Adams glass and repeating as needed over the next one hour thirty eight minutes. The beer pours a bright gold with dark hues where the glass widens. The two and a half finger head foams up in a lively belian fashion. The aroma is intense and assertive. Classic American IPA. Citrus and fruit like a tangerine and orange peel being smashed in your face. But it doesn’t end there. No there’s a small child mashing banana in your hair and sprinkling ground cloves into the yellow mushy mess. Just when you think it’s over and old lady who reeks of flowers comes in and smashes you about the head and face with a warm and toasty loaf of French baguette. And you’ve only smelled it. The taste is more intense. So imagine the same thing but instead of a little scary (but sort of funny) it’s now the most horrifying experience of your life. It hitting a fruit truck going 110 mph the wrong way on the highway. After which time your dead body is beaten by a roving gang of flower smelling old lady armed with more French bread than you’ve ever seen. Only you’re dead because it’s that awesome. It’s 7% abv 60 IBU bliss.

New Belgium does something very interesting with this beer. Instead of using a fair amount of a less colorful (less roasted malt) they used a small amount of a much more intense malt. They achieve virtually the same color but instead of a soft bready sweetness give the beer a more robust and slightly more stringent bite. It really helps to balance all those hops. I also appreciate the hop choice on this beer; Simcoe, Cascade, Armarillo, and Centennial. It’s very American and very Pacific Northwest…..which I guess is synonymous with American as most of our hops are grown here. Below I’ve taken the flavor wheel from the New Belgium website. It’s a great tool to capture the many complexities of beer. Part of me appreciates the simplicity of Flying Dog’s 2 bar, hoppy matly meter. But the other part of me dares for a more descriptive measure. Those with a particular craving or especially refined palates will appreciate the flavor wheel.

I’m not going to give away the whole movie but I was comment on some of the hilarious references and interesting parts of this film. There is a young man from New York whose parents are killed and he fights alongside Abe. Teddy, none other than Theodore Roosevelt, is not given a gun or sword. But Abe instead hands him a big stick and tells him to walk softly……awesome! General Stonewall Jackson appears as the non compliant turned hero confederate general. And the generally unlikable Thomas Wilkinson is perfect for the part of Tom Wilkes Booth. There are several other references which escape me at the moment. I am pretty sure that this is one of those movies where the more times you watch it the more you get out of it.

Several things really surprised me about this movie. First was the high quality of the CGI. Normally I really poo poo digital gore but in this film they really make it work. No there’s not as much close up gut munching but the beheadings look pretty real for a straight to DVD movie. I’m constantly amazed at what technology can do. Big movies get bigger and smaller movies get bigger too! The film quality itself is amazing. It’s got this professional grey-ish feel that a lot of low budget films just can’t capture. Aside from the horrible and obviously fake (I really hope) mustaches the props and the everything was first rate! Especially the opening battle scene! Cannons boomed and earth exploded. It was WAY better than I expected. Also to note is that all the sets were awesome! Seriously! The filmed one part at a real fort and then old buildings and even a white house look alike. I’m amazed at the quality of this movie and I will be purchasing it.

Here's one more picture for good measure!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 43/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 2/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 3.5/5

The 50,000 hit mark!

2012-05-30T11:33:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to send a big "thank you" out to all my loyal readers (and those who were redirected here by accident) for helping Zombiebrew hit the big 50,000 page view mark. When i started this blog i was getting less than 10 hits a day. Now depending on the frequency of my posts i get anywhere from 150-500 a day. That's a lot of people who are passionate about beer and zombie movies. Thanks again and i will continue on until there are no more zombie movies to watch and no more beer to drink. I think we'll be safe for a long while.

Versus and Pikop Andropov's Rushin'

2012-04-27T09:05:00.000-08:00

This movie was one of those ones that calls to you. I knew the basics, there were zombies and there was karate. That was enough for me to cough up the $7 bucks for this DVD. What can I say... I’m only a man......a weak man with a zombie fetish. Actually don't like the word fetish. I associate fetish with something negative and freakish but if that's what I’ve got........then it's not......it's awesome. I will say I was a little bit nervous about a zombie karate movie. I was fifty fifty on such movies (Tokyo Zombie = terrible, Ninjas vs. Zombies = awesome). I decided to pair this movie with the incredibly UN-karate beer, Pikop Andropov's Rushin' Imperial Stout. The beer is the result of my wife’s insatiable craving for thick, full bodied dark beers. Thanks wife!

The movie starts out with some awesome samurai action! I didn’t realize I would be in for a full hour and a half of Tarantino type gore and splatter. Then the movie shifts to two escaped prisoners running through the woods. One guy used to be chained to another but all that remains is his severed hand…..cool. They get to this clearing where they’re met by a couple cars full of crazy….almost silly…Japanese mobsters? The one prisoner gets angry at the mistreatment of a woman who the mobsters have kidnapped and brought there (it will all come together don’t worry). Our prisoner hero rescues the girl and runs into the forest. In the process prisoner #2 gets killed, but he comes back as a zombie!!!! The mobsters are more intrigued than scared or concerned. Because that makes sense. They are in the Forest of Resurrection!

The mobsters take chase with the orders to keep them alive. It’s only once they’re deep in the forest that they realize that all the bodies of the people those mobsters have killed are buried there in the Forest of Resurrection! This means hundreds of zombies, some with guns, all of them awesome. This whole middle section of the film mixes zombie horror flic (in the same vein as a Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead films) with full action shootout and gory slapstick comedy. The main mobster minion eventually tries to kill off his boss and step up as the number one guy in charge. The guy is a total goofball throughout the movie and at points is just plain exhausting to watch. Needless to say the little coup did not work

As if things weren’t weird enough we add two new characters to the mix. These are a couple of cops or correctional officers from the prison that our inmates escaped. They’re extremely violent and bursting with this silly arrogance. Lead cop makes the wildest claims like claiming to be trained by the FBI and able to dodge bullets with his reflexes, or being a world class tracker after being trained at Yellowstone National Park in Canada (it’s not actually in Canada). At one point they run into some zombies and they eat the one guy’s hand. He’s really annoyed. Later in a fight he uses the jagged bone that’s sticking out to repeatedly stab a guy he’s fighting. That’s hard core.

Now that I’ve got you all pumped up about a karate zombie movie let me move on to the beer for tonight. It took me a little searching to figure out that the beer is made by Hale’s Ales, a famous Pacific Northwest Brewery. This Russian Imperial Stout clocks in at 8% abv so it’s going to be big but not “knock you on your ass” big. It pours black and pretty viscous. There’s a decent finger and a half tan head that gently floats above the shallow sea of black chewy goodness. The aroma is full of chocolate and dark roasted coffee with hints of smoky malt and caramel. Lots of sharp roasted grain and a bready yeast round out the aroma. I swirl and sniff again to make sure I have the full effect….i do. The first sip is calming. Despite the action on the screen in front of me, I’m at peace. No amount of exploding heads or jumping bicycle kicks could break my trance. I’m in the zone. It’s full bodied, much more than I would have expected, and full of that same roasted flavor that I just smelled. The medium carbonation tickles the tongue and allows the flavors to release and spread. It’s complex with grainy malty backbone highlighted by a slight late hop bitterness sting. It’s a really wonderful beer and well crafted. It’s not too overpowering but plenty thick. You almost have to chew it

This is a wildly entertaining film despite all of its silliness. The “hero” character reminds me of a quieter more womanizing “El Wray” from Planet Terror. It’s that “don’t give a shit” macho man that’s done way over the top. It’s actually really cool. And the villain is stone cold. His lazy but focused stare is reminiscent of an Asian “Ice Man”. The karate in this movie is well done. Lots of fast packed action that makes you wonder if you’re watching a Jackie Chan movie……okay maybe a Jet Li movie. They use 50 cal sniper rifles to liquefy people and there’s a fair amount of beheadings. This movie is a must have for both Samurai movie fans and zombie movie fans. It’s the chocolate vanilla twist of zombie movies. Own it….before it owns you!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 7/10

Total = 40/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4/5

Amazon.com Widgets

Shadow: Dead Riot and Full Sail Boardhead Barleywine

2012-04-26T09:11:00.000-08:00

So how do I start with this movie? This movie is one of those experiences that can’t be explained it has to be lived through. Honestly. I saw this movie had Tony Todd in it so I said to myself “How bad can it be?”. Who cares if it only costs 1 penny (plus shipping) on Amazon. There’s probably a reasonable explanation for that right? There is……the movie is HORRIBLE. Nobody wants to own or admit that they’ve owned this movie. Those that have it are willing to put a valuable price of 1 penny on their time to list the DVD on Amazon, then drive to the post office and mail it. That’s not logical!.....unless of course you’ve seen the move. Then you understand. And to pair this movie with a beer is a task of its own. What beer clearly relates to the feeling of disappointment and self deprecation associated with this film? Why I have the perfect beer! It’s Full Sail’s Boardhead Barleywine Ale. I’ve got the perfect duo for a night of making myself slightly ill with the overabundance of bad taste, poor execution, and a general lack of commitment. Damn you. Damn you for making me do this.

I’ll start off with the beer because I have to just muscle through it. Why do I have a beer I don’t like? Well good reader I’ll tell you why. I respect Full Sail Brewery. They’re employee owned (according to the bottle) and they make some decent beers. Nothing amazing but decent beers. Well when I saw bombers of their Boardhead Barleywine for something like $3.50 a bottle I bought five! Yes you heard me…five bottles of this shit. I think this might have been the batch where they found the dead cat in the fermentor. It’s a clear dark orange/copper color with a small white head that dissipates quickly leaving some okay lacing. Not a lot happening in the nose. Some earthy hops, a little burnt sugar and some husky grains. There’s some heat from the high alcohol content for sure. But at the first sip there’s no real hops to speak of. But instead of being English style where the malt steps out in front, there’s just nothing. A slight candy fruit flavor and some toffee and toasted notes. But there’s also a large amount of sulfur and an almost medicinal aftertaste. It’s very husky and rough. Lots of tannins or something. This beer is actually hard to choke down. Perhaps it was the high alcohol (9%) or maybe it just wasn’t aged enough? Whatever it was I’m stuck with another four bottles of this thin terrible excuse for a barleywine. This beer is one of the biggest disappointments I’ve ever tasted. More shocking than the horrible taste of this beer is the fact that “The Bros” at Beeradvocate.com gave this thing a rating of 95!!!! Making it a world class beer!!! World Class? Probably not.

I’m not going to drag this out if I don’t have to. The movie is pretty bad. It’s so bad Tony Todd couldn’t save it. He’s been in the Final Destination Movies, The Rock, The Crow, the Night of the Living Dead remake, Transformers, and of course the Candyman series. But I just can’t look past the horrible fake braids and pointy filed teeth that the makeup crew thought would be a nice touch for the villain. Terrible…just terrible. Now the premise is that this prison executes this cold hearted Satanist serial killer. But instead of just dying….he explodes! His blood goes everywhere (it moves at its own will) and infects prisoners who become zombies. The zombies are all killed and buried in a mass grave out in the prison yard (this is common practice I’m sure). Fast forward twenty years later and it’s an experimental woman’s correctional facility. Do I have your interest yet? Okay so now’s the part of the movie with all the trashy topless scenes (gross enough to fast forward though). I think they used actual women in prison instead of attractive actresses for these scenes. Good call if the point was to add to the horror.

I’m not going to give away all the twists and turns but this movie tries to push the boundaries of what’s acceptable with things like an angry lesbian cop with who likes to seduce the inmates (swing and a miss), a zombie baby (inappropriate), and lots of wires to throw people 20 or 30 feet across rooms (that was kind of cool). When Tony Todd is resurrected from the dead (some blood leached down into the ground where he was buried) he gets up and rips the skin off his arms, spraying blood across the ground, and resurrecting all his buried zombie companions.

It wasn't ALL bad. There were a few good parts. Like when the lesbian cop gets her tognue bitten off, or when this one jacked girl puts a guards night stick right through the back of his head. And there was a lot of karate...so that's good. But not good karate. The type of karate that you and your friends used to do in middle school when you though you were power rangers.....that type of karate. Everybody did that......right?

Last thing I want to talk about is wardrobe. Wardrobe? YES! Tony Todd is wearing some big blue trench coat/cape thing? And as he’s walking he grabs the sides and waves them back and forth dramatically. Almost like he’s trying to be some sort of goth magician. It’s so corny and really sad. Tony what happened? It’s been a sad fall from grace. I saw you on a CSI Miami a few years ago. I’m begging you. Retire. Go out on top without any more shitty 1 penny straight to DVD movies. I’m sorry if this seems cold but you need to hear it. Consider this an intervention. Your poor choice in movies and bad acting is beginning to effect people around you. Please stop.

The Beer:

Aroma – 6/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 8/20

Palate – 2/5

Overall – 4/10

Total = 22/50

The Movie:

Production – 2/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

Total – 2.5/5

Amazon.com Widgets

Zombie Diaries 2 and Pyramid Dischord Black IPA

2012-04-18T15:26:00.000-08:00

I’ve broken into a bright patch of movie watching. I’m excited beyond all belief because I’ve got a series of movies I’ve never seen to review. There are five new ones that I got from my wonderful wife for my birthday! Today’s review is of the movie Zombie Diaries 2. My faithful readers will remember my review of the first Zombie Diaries movie where I handed out 2 ½ dead hands for the movie and 2 ½ beers for Victory’s Baltic Thunder. I’m hoping tonight will be different than that dull and exhausting evening months ago. To ensure things get off on the right foot I’m pairing the movie with a surprising good beer from a brewery I had formerly written off as sub par. Discord, a black IPA from Pyramid’s spring sampler is that beer! I needed a case of beer to hold me over until the IIPA I brewed (Infectious Bite Imperial IPA) was ready to drink and this was the best thing I could find for cheap. Let me get off my pedestal for a second to tell you all that despite my judging and poo poo-ing Costco actually has great deals on great beers. Oh man I feel dirty. Okay to the movie!

Immediately some of my skepticism is washed away. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the original Zombie Diaries cover and have since learned never to build up a movie based on cover art alone. But Zombie Diaries 2 has very good camera and sound quality while maintaining that raw feel of a first person point of view. They are able to capture the realism without making you seasick and nauseous. The film follows a group of army reservists who are documenting the situation in the months following the outbreak. This movie is still a low budget movie and there are a few holes in the plot but off the bat I’m pretty impressed.

The beer is Pyramid’s Discord. I love black IPAs as they are one of my favorite styles of beer. They can have a great range of alcohol content, IBUs, hoppiness (not the same as IBUs or bitterness), and body. I’ll take this opportunity to go on my hop rant! For those that don’t know, IBUs are International Bitterness Units and while they are a good measure of bitterness of the beer they don’t tell the whole story. When during the brewing process the hops are added to the beer plays a huge role in the way they flavor the beer. For example just a half ounce of high alpha acid hops at the beginning of a 90 min boil will give over 3 times the IBUs as if there added in the last 10 minutes of the boil. However, bitterness is not the whole story. A beer could be very bitter without being very hoppy. The essential oils of the hops are very volatile and boil off when cooked for long periods of time. This means much of the flavor and especially aroma are lost during the boil. Here’s a good example.

A 5 gallon batch of 1.055 OG beer (approximately 5% abv) with 2 ounces of Chinook hops in the first 90 minutes of the boil and then not hopped for the rest of the brewing process will be INCREDIBLY bitter but without noticeable hop flavor or aroma. IBUs would be about 126.75 (it’s said 100 is the most IBUs that can go into a beer).

That same beer with 3 ounces of hops throughout the last 15 minutes of the boil and dry hopped on a massive 4 ounces of hops will be full of that sticky resiny hop goodness without being overly bitter. Bitterness will clock in at about 58.24 IBUs.

Why do I go on about this now? Because, I find the above facts to especially important for black IPAs. American IPA’s have been pushing the boundaries on how much hops you can put into a beer even to the point of making high power, super bitter beers that are way out of balance but wonderful for what they are. A Black IPA is trying to do something different. The best Black IPAs are trying hard to be Russian Imperial Stouts and Double IPAs without being too much of either. There’s a fine line where the hop portion of the Double IPA overshadows the roasted matliness of the beer. And there’s a line where the malt is too much and doesn’t let the hops stand out. For the best example of this style of beer try to find Midnight Sun’s XXX or Oak Aged XXX.

Before I dive deep into my review of the beer let me tell you a little more about the movie. Special effects are miles away from the first film. It’s not Dawn of the Dead 2004 but its good! There’s plenty of headshot splatter and the makeup is pretty good for low budget. To keep with the “hand held” camera theme they splice in the occasional footage of people in bio suites and Army personnel rounding people up, separating them, executing them, and burning them. It’s a creepy little trick that really worked. I even liked the characters. The film has no name actors that could have been people you went to high school with. But that’s the beauty of it. It’s very real. It makes the good guys more relatable and the bad guys more frightening. This movie does a lot with a little and I’m really impressed.

I’m also impressed by this beer. It’s not the best Black IPA I’ve had but it’s certainly not something I expected from a giant like Pyramid. Yes I just called Pyramid a giant. That makes Dogfish Head look like Philip Morris! You know how I know they’re big? Because when you put the word “Pyramid” into google and hit “I’m feeling lucky” instead of getting a websites about ACTUAL PYRAMIDS…….you get the brewery!!! Oh those amazing things that Egyptian slaves built thousands of years ago…no no no I meant the beer. But I digress. According to the website this beer is only available between February and March and is brewed with 2-Row Pale, Munich, Black Malt, Carafa II and Crystal malts, and hopped with tons of Nugget, Zythos, Mt. Hood, Falconer’s Flight and Cascade hops, bringing our stats to 6.5% ABV and 69IBUs!!!

It pours a deep dark brown with a light tan head that fizzled away after a few minutes. The aroma was forcefully hoppy but not a “punch you in the face” hoppiness like some IPAs. There is a nice layer of citrus and pine above noticeable toasted malt background. The taste is where this beer really kicks me. It’s got tons of grapefruit, and nectarine but also a dry biscuit like flavor. The roasted malts mesh perfectly with the hops like ballroom dancers on my tongue. It’s got medium body and enough alcohol kick to things up and make your cheeks rosy after a couple of beers. The beer is well crafted and well rounded. It’s not quite as intense as I normally like my black IPAs but it’s incredibly drinkable and very satisfying. I would put in the same category as New Belgium’s 1554.

The things that made the first Zombie Diaries movie good made the second one even better. Yes a few scenes were trotting down and already beaten path. Despite the a few “wait a minute they did that in the first movie” moments this movie really makes its mark as original and disturbing. In the first Zombie Diaries film I was shaken and physically sickened by the way surviving humans are portrayed as the biggest danger. For days I walked around with a false sense of security in the moral fortitude of my fellow man. But the more I thought about it (and I thought about it for weeks) the movie was right. Tragedy and disaster can in some cases give birth to heroes. But, it can also turn normal people into monsters. The movie has a really twisted evil “Lord of the Flies” type feel. But it was realistic. I loved the ending. It really tied everything in and hit me with that last devastating blow to faith in people. This is a movie for people who are tired of zombie movies like the “Day of the Dead” remake where a couple of kids and a little ingenuity can control a zombie outbreak. This movie is real and raw! Not for the faint of heart!

The Beer:

Aroma – 8/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 7/10

Total = 36/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 3.5/5

City of the Living Dead and Stone Sublimely Self Righteous Ale

2012-04-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

So when I was a kid and began watching horror movies I remember being wowed by the first Final Destination movie. I thought it was the first movie that really focused on each death scene. I had been used to movies that relied on cut away shots and the idea of gore instead of in your face gory fun. Then I saw my first Italian zombie movie and found out that gore existed well before Final Destination. City of the Living Dead is a okay zombie movie and an AMAZING horror flic. Watch it and you’ll see what I mean. I have seen this movie once before. Knowing how amazing this movie is I needed to pair it with an equally amazing beer. In the perfect pairing of dark and soulful beer and zombies I chose Stone Brewing Company’s Sublimely Self Righteous Ale. It is strong enough to punch you in the mouth with awesome flavor yet gentle enough to settle your stomach after watching all the gut wrenching horror in the film.

WHAT IS THIS FACE!!!

This movie starts out like so many other awesome/horrible zombie movies…with a séance. This group of crazy kooks is sitting around having a séance when one of the women gets a vision of the end of the world (all originating with a priest hanging himself thus opening the gates of hell). She gets so scared she dies! There is some real comedic gold as the cop questions the other members of the séance after her death. He’s convinced they’re all on drugs and he’s hell bent to prove it….even if balls of fire emerge from the floor for no reason at all???? “WHERE’S THE STASH! IS IT IN THE TOILET!!!!” I love it. Then we introduce the other three characters from which this movie revolves; a reporter who’s determined to discover the truth, a crazy woman, and her shrink. The reporter actually went to the cemetery to snoop around and ask questions about séance dead girl’s death. He’s the hero as he hears her screams and rescues her. “But I thought you said she was dead?” you ask. Well that my friends….is the magic of Italian horror. They do whatever the fuck they want and don’t apologize for it.

The beer! The website claims they use Chinook, Simcoe, and Amarillo hops. I’m a HUGE Chinook fan. They fight where other hops roll over and play dead. Amarillo is another wonderful that’s interchanged with the famous Cascade quite a bit. I like them a lot. The beer pours a DARK almost opaque black with hues of brown at the edges when held to the light. A nice thick creamy brown head floats on top. It’s a lot more than I expected from such a strong dark beer. Bottle says 8.7% abv and website claims 90 IBUs. That’s a lot! LOVE IT. Have your wife put the kids to bed it’s time to drink! The aroma has a punch of hops. There’s loads of citrus and pine, pulpy fruit and dark sweet malts. It smells slightly burnt and pretty well balanced for so many IBUs. The first sip leaves my head spinning. I don’t wait the required few seconds for taste buds to fully appreciate the beer before I’m gulping away again. This beer is irresistible. It’s a perfect balance between a crisp dryness, and a deep complex sweetness. There’s the hop bomb that you expect with the maltiness and roasted character you didn’t think you could have. Stone really does….have their cake and eat it too. A nice full mouthfeel with slightly above average carbonation rounds this beer out and makes it much more drinkable than you would expect from 8.7% and 90 IBUs. For all the boasting Stone does they really do back it up. Budweiser as the king of beers? That’s delusional. Stone as Sublime and Self Righteous….they really do deserve it.

There moto should be…Stone beers. Making life suck less, one beer at a time! Or something like that. Here's their rant that they put on the back of the beer. IT'S AWESOME!!!

The plot jumps around more than a fifteen year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. This movie has something to do with Salem which burnings but the town that this takes place in isn’t Salem….it’s Dunwich. They never really explain why the witches have anything do to with this but it’s okay. We’re not watching this movie for the plot we’re watching it for the best gory gem Lucio Fulci has ever shit out. Let’s go through some of my favorite scenes.

Trapped – So the young physic that was temporarily dead (Mary) came to inside of her coffin as she was in the process of being buried alive. She claws at the coffin and gets really bloody. Then our hero reporter decides the best course of action is to start slamming into the coffin with a pick ax. He connects several times right next to her face. It’s wild.

Guts – The dead priest has my all time favorite superpower. Just by staring at someone he can make them vomit out their guts. This is by far one of my favorite horror movie scenes. The amount of guts that push through this girl’s mouth is inspiring. You can even see the stomach and the liver at the end. AWESOME. It goes something like this....

Look into my creepy eyes. I'm a dead priest!

Oh my god my eyes are bleeding but i can't look away.

Oh now I feel so sick.....like my guts are....AHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHH...blwohsod FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

The Drill – Creativity is important to me. I can only watch the same shot of a person ripping away a fake plastic neck piece so many times. In this scene a young pervert boy suspected of murdering another girl (the dead priest did it) is caught talking to some guy’s daughter. He flips out and ends up running the kids head into a big drill bit at an incredibly slow speed. It’s hard for me to understand his motivation given all the facts surrounding the event. I love the way you get to see the drill bit coming out the other side of his head. Well done! This one goes like this......

I heard you were a pervert!!!! That girl you were dating threw up her guts! You made her throw up her guts!!!! Now i'm going to push your head into a drill.......really........really.......s....l.....o.....w....l....y!!!!!

Maggots – At one point all four of our character sit and chat it out at some apartment. But at the end of the talk, when the all realize the weight of their situation, the windows fly open and maggots are flying into the room. Thousands of them. They stick to the faces of our characters. I would have ducked or turned away, but all they did was squint and take it in the face. Real troopers these guys. The extras have a funny bit about that.

Oh my god i'm getting pelted by thousands of maggots. What did i do to deserve this?!? Oh sweet lord no!!!!

Oh wait someone's calling....hello.....oh yes i'll have to call you back i'm being pelted by maggots. Oh yes i know horrible. Okay i'll call you after.

Head Busting – The key here is forearm strength. If you do enough gripping exercises then someday you too can grab the strange budging back of somebody’s head and smush it!! If the movie is anything like real life the result will be the brains pouring out but the person still able to scream somehow. I guess the screaming portion of the brain is still intact.

No cool pics for this but just imagine a hand grabing the back of a head till the fake back part comes off. That's pretty much it.

This movie doesn’t make sense but its still really good. There are a lot of small scenes of overacted gold that really make this movie worthwhile. Re-watching this movie makes me think I should go through my top 25 list and reorganize a bit, because this deserves to be in it. And the beer makes it even better. It's a get drunk and laugh type of movie. You need to watch this film. But not on a full stomach. It's really really gory. I have a picture of the last guy that watched this movie.

Great beer, great movie,.....great life. Keep drinking. Until next time!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4/5

Quarantine 2 and Southern Tier's Oak Aged Unearthly Imperial IPA

2012-04-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

(While walking through the DVD section of a Barnes and Noble with my family)

Me: Oh wow! I didn’t know Quarantine had a sequel!!!......and already on DVD?.....I didn’t hear about it going to theaters.

Wife: Maybe because it’s too awesome for theaters.

Me: I think I’m going to get it.

Wife: How much is it?

(here I bend low to the bottom shelf to take a closer inspection of the sticker)

Me: Holy shit TWENTY SIX dollars!!!!

Wife: There’s always santa.

My son: Santa! Oh I love Santa. Santa’s always good.

Me: Oh yea?

My son: Yeah…Santa make me so….so…..SO happy!
Me: Me too.......me too.

Three months later Santa came through like Regan for Iranian Hostages. I had my two favorite gifts under the tree; zombie movies and beer! There was a pair of sequels; REC 2 and Quarantine 2, oh joy! It was a few weeks later before I found a free night to drink and watch the carnage by myself. I sat down with a big bomber of an absolute favorite of mine, Southern Tier’s Unearthed Oak Aged Imperial IPA!

The movie begins and I’m immediately confused. I expected this film to be done in the same fashion as the first one, but it’s not! I expected a shaky hand held camera. Instead they start off with a half shaky/half not transition to a normal shot movie? It was like the director said “okay people are going to be expecting shaky so go ahead and don’t wear your camera straps and just sort of floppy floppy through the set for a while.” The result…..terrible! The acting is absolutely atrocious. These people need to be taken out and shot. Were these homeless people who acted for sandwiches? Really people? Really? This movie is just patched together pieces of other movies? It’s Flight of the Living Dead with a dash of Resident Evil: Degradation and a hint of every zombie movie you’ve ever seen before only worse.

The opening attack scene is the worst for me. A big fat guy (always funny right?) gets bit by some lab rats in another passenger’s luggage. During the flight he falls ill and eventually turns into a frothy mouthed maniac. But in a most unbelievable manner the guy gets up and rushes the cockpit. At which point it takes several people to restrain him. Then he slams his face into a steward’s and she goes all coma on us and eventually gets infected (from a rage infected head butt?). It’s so horrible and such a letdown that I find myself desperately grasping at the bottle beside me. I need something to take the edge off this terrible movie and I need it quick.

Within seconds I have the top off of the Unearthly and I pour the clear copper/light brown liquid into my small snifter. I dive in quickly. I don’t even take the traditional first and second pre-sip smell. Two gulps in and it hits me. There’s a smooth but forceful bitterness that pokes at my tongue and slows my rate of swallow. This is a sipping beer and it’s letting me know that. The taste is unbelievable. I’m hit all at once by the massive American hop burst. It’s lemon grass and grapefruit, but with a pronounced malt background of caramel malts, vanilla, soft toasted oak and flowers. The label says that it's 11% abv but fails to tell the exact IBU count.....shame. The malts used are 2-row pale, cara-pils, and red wheat. They added hops in 3 various stages; kettle hops (chinook & cascade), hop back (styrian golding), and dry hopped (cascade, centenial, & chinook). I believe it because there is a LOT of hop flavor in this beer. Now I take the time to properly smell this masterpiece. It’s pleasant and not overpowering. With some Imperial IPAs they really hit you, this one doesn’t. It gently coaxes you into doing things you didn’t think you were comfortable doing….figuratively of course. I take another sip and this time I pinpoint that delightful oak flutter. That is the thread that really ties this beer together for me. It’s slightly to moderately oily with nice resiny sticky pull. There’s a bite at the back end of it. The beer has medium carbonation and a slightly heavy mouthfeel that keeps you sipping and feeling satisfied. I could drink this beer for dinner. What a beauty. I think I just drooled on my keyboard.

Back to this awful shit show of a movie. Despite my best efforts to remain non biased I can’t help but let my disappointment leech into this review. I expected more of Quarantine not a completely different movie with a variation of the original title. The only thing that connects this film to the first is the main character who pretends to be an innocent passenger on the flight until he’s revealed as the man who started the virus in the first movie. He was transporting the virus via his lab rats to be dispersed through the US. The special effects are terrible and then they use terrible camera effects to try and pull off the same shit that other movies have. Like when they’re going through the ducts using night vision (which for some reason shows grey scale) just like they did in 28 Weeks Later. This movie is nothing more than a mosaic of all the movies that have come before it. Don’t waste your money.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 8/10

Total = 43/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 3/5

REC 2 and De Struise Brouwers' Black Albert

2012-03-29T09:29:00.000-08:00

So I was a little skeptical about the sequel to REC. REC was so well done and so perfect as a standalone, that I thought that nothing could be done to improve upon it. But after seeing this film I think perhaps I was wrong, and maybe all things can be improved upon. Maybe the Mona Lisa could use a nose job.....or a boob job. Maybe the Eiffel Tower could be a little taller....or a little less French (as it is, it's a giant anti-American middle finger). I’ll apologize to France as soon as they apologize for Grey Poupon. And the beer of beers to pair it with…..Black Albert. De Struise Brouwers’ Black Albert has become my elusive golden goose. First acquired by my thoughtful wife after overhearing excited mumbles of its limited quantities in our local beer store, she quickly rummaged the shelves, located, and purchased the $15 bottle of beer (11.2 oz!). Since that day I have searched beer store near and far but have only once found one other bottle. And so it shall be for the rest of my life. I will chase that ghost with such resolve that a lesser man would crumble in defeat.

So REC 2 picks up right where REC left off. It’s the same evening of the outbreak only this time you have the perspective of a local S.W.A.T. team brought in to restore order (or something like that). The four S.W.A.T. guys enter the building with a man from the Ministry of Health. It’s not long before they find themselves attacked and confused. REC 2 progresses a bit more in the “exorcism” direction and less in the “zombie/infected” direction. In this film the infected people are jerkier and seem to have powers? Not crazy magical powers like throwing fire, more like walking on the ceiling or hanging upside down powers. It was just enough to push it out of the purist’s zombie genre but not enough to make it ridicules.

This film also takes a much different feel from the first. The first one was focused on fear and escape. The confusion was part of what made it so mysterious and scary. But, this film didn’t have that. Instead, this film focused on action and execution. For example, instead of running around and screaming (which was scary), our characters are engaged in specific tasks with armor and weapons. It’s the same difference between The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes 2. With one it’s civilians that are trying to escape. Most audiences will relate to the characters in the first film and will have a bond with them. This makes the movie even more terrifying. Halfway into watching it, it feels like your running from the mutated people. When they send in Marines or S.W.A.T. it becomes harder for most audiences to relate or feel pity for the characters. This doesn’t make the movie any less awesome, it just changes the direction a bit.

There really is no good time to stop and pour this beer. The movie continues at a pretty constant pace right from the opening scene. I try to rush and open the bottle between attacks. I don’t think I’ve ever wrote about the proper way to pour a beer. I’m going to take this opportunity to share what I feel is the proper way to pour a beer. For Black Albert I’m using my Great Divide deep tulip snifter. I pop the beer and immediately pour a few ounces down the center of the glass. This should make the beer foam up a decent amount. Depending on the amount of foam and agitation I then slowly pour the beer down the side of the glass, tilting it at a 45 degree angle. I adjust pour speed to increase/decrease the head until I have all but a half inch of beer left in the bottle. Now (depending on beer type) I use the remaining half inch of beer to swirl up all the yeast settled in the bottom of the bottle and I pour that into the beer. This isn’t appropriate for all styles so know your beer!

Now for the tasting notes. The beer is pitch black, like tar. There’s a healthy one inch creamy dark brown head that fizzles down to a quarter inch after a few minutes. It’s viscous and opaque, like a black hole that captures all sunlight and reflects none! After one sniff I’m intoxicated by its amazing aroma. Sell my old clothes I’m off to heaven! Rich burnt sugar and charred malts swirl with ripe fruit like figs, dates, and plums. There’s chocolate…no….FUDGE! Bitter chocolate and husky grains are massaged by warm baked bread. You can almost feel the heat from this 13% abv monster as you smell it. The anticipation is too much. I dive in for a deep sip, letting it swish over my tongue. All of the sudden I’m on top of a mountain! I’m skiing the Alps shirtless during a thunderstorm and an avalanche. It’s that good. There’s the rich maltiness that you would expect from any Russian Imperial Stout, but there’s a lot there that you wouldn’t expect. I’ve found that with other Belgian style Russian Imperial Stouts the “Belgian” character is overwhelmed by the other flavors. I’m not sure how De Struise Brouwers did it, but they were able to slam in more malt flavors than any other beer I’ve tried without losing that special yeast character that sends this beer off into the sunset riding its Belgian horse with no name. Seriously! There’s burnt sugar, deep roasted malts, blackened barley mixed with chocolate…..no…..FUDGE!!! It’s got a rich fudgy texture that blissfully sends you into buzzed with a smile. If you’ve got Sherlock Holmes detective skills and a twenty burning a hole in your pocket than go ahead and seek out this beer!

Three sips and a smile later and I’m back in into that horrifying apartment. The man from the Ministry of Health is really a Priest sent from the Vatican to stop this epidemic before it spreads. The rest of the film is spent trying to get the blood of the original possessed girl. Without that blood there will be no antidote and no cure. I’m not going to give away the ending but I will say that there is already a REC 3 not yet released in the US and REC 4 is soon to hit theaters in countries that aren’t America sooooooooo the plot goes on! I found only one fault with this movie. They spliced in footage from a group of kids that sneak into the house behind a fireman and the husband of one of the women inside. This part seems disjointed and forced and did little to add to the movie.

There were some wonderful parts that included some supernatural special effects that I was surprised and please by. Overall this movie was wonderful. While it strayed a little far from “zombie” it still had all the great elements that a zombie movie has. Put this one in your must watch list and put Black Albert in your must drink list!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 5/5

Overall – 9/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4.5/5

Quarantine and Dogfish Head's Midas Touch

2012-03-16T13:53:00.002-08:00

Welcome to the review of the biggest “one watch” movies I own, Quarantine. What’s a “one watch” movie you ask? Well, it’s a term I invented to describe a movie that’s pretty good the first time you watch it, but you never really want to see it again. This term can cover all genres. Perhaps there’s a Mr. Bean movie that you giggled at and sat through but would never watch again. Or maybe more realistically it was the time you decided to get more cultured and watch Schindler’s List. Beautiful movie. You were in tears. But you’re not going to pop that one in on a Saturday night with a bowl of popcorn and a beer. Such is Quarantine, the American remake of the Spanish movie REC (see last blog post). It casts Angela Vidal (Dexter’s sister) as the lead screamer…ahem…character….in a very close remake of the Spanish version. The lucky beer for tonight’s movie is Dogfish Head’s Midas Touch!!! Due to the high cost and availability of Dogfish beers (other than the 90 min IPA which is everywhere) I haven’t reviewed many of their beers. So here is one of the best genre breaking beers out there!

I saw Quarantine in an EMPTY theater in Virginia when it came out. Some scenes were so scary that I literally jumped out of my seat! And that never happens. But the scary parts were all “one watch” scary. Like a guy slamming into the floor in front of you after a three story drop. It’s only good for one go around. Like that damn youtube video where you watch the car driving along a country road and some shit pops out at you. I’m getting a little ahead of myself. So starting the same as REC the news crew is following a group of fireman on a normal night of work when they’re called to assist a medical situation in an apartment. The American version of this movie was a little more obvious with the sexual tension than the Spanish film. Us dirty Americans are real classless dogs. Regardless…when they enter the apartment things get wild. There’s some fighting, biting, throwing people off balconies, and then angry cops being angry cops (shooting people and going to blows with local media). After the initial horror the next few minutes are a lot of people arguing and a cop telling everyone to be quiet and calm down and stay in the entryway in one group. As things take a lull I’ll get into the beer.

Dogfish Head Brewery is one of my favorite breweries in the world. I would drink lots more of their beer if I was Mit Romney but because I don’t have millions I’m forced to indulge only on special occasions. Dogfish Head has grown from a tiny brewery run on a 10 gallon system to the #19 largest brewery by volume (Beerinfo.com). I mean....they've got a fucking TREE HOUSE!!! LOOK!!!

And that’s going up with the big guys (Bud/Miller/Coors). I try to stick it to the man by supporting local businesses rather than the giant conglomerate, but what do I do when the little guy becomes “the man” I’m trying to stick it to?

Maybe it’s okay to be big….as long as you keep your soul! From everything I’ve seen that’s exactly what Sam Calagione has done at DFH. He has a great business giving full benefits to happy employees, and produces some of the highest caliber beer on this rock.

Midas Touch Golden Elixir is said to be crafted from an ancient recipe that was scientifically derived from ingredients found in 2,700-year-old drinking vessels from the tomb of King Midas. The label says the beer was brewed using barley, white Muscat grapes, honey, and saffron!! It’s 9% ABV and a low12 IBUs. I gently poured the beer into my Great Divide chalice and admired the absolutely stunning gold color. It pops like a mini sunshine explosion in my glass. It’s definitely the most brilliant colored beer I’ve ever seen. But I don’t really care about appearance. It could look like a cup full of dead cats as long as it tasted good. The beer definitely has a grape aroma in the front. It’s like a chardonnay or a Riesling with a sweet malty hue. Slight hints of honey and at the end there’s a flowery smell I can only believe is the saffron? And the taste…..oh boy oh boy!

It’s full and sweet. Elixir is a fitting label for this. It’s sweet but it doesn’t fall flat on its face. It’s not flabby and oily like some high alcohol sweet beers. This one has a light crispness to it. There’s grape and honey in large doses with a smooth clean yeast finish. There are flowers and bits of fresh baked white bread. There’s a high alcohol slap on the tongue that rounds everything out and slams it down your face. It’s like getting dunked on by Shaq, like fighting a “pre-Lennox Lewis” Mike Tyson. This beer is one of a kind and original in a way that few are. It’s like reinventing wheel, only this wheel is not just a wheel, it’s a luxury muscle car that drives itself while pouring you a beer and giving you a little pat on the ass. It’s like that.

Now the movie is really good. Now that I’ve had some beer I’m going to elaborate on why exactly this film missed the mark with me. It’s Angela. I’m sorry lady but there’s a limit on how much screaming you can put in a horror film before people start rooting for the monster to kill you. You sped by that line like a drunk Lindsay Lohan. I think at this point we can just say Lindsay Lohan and assume the drunk part is understood. There’s so much screaming in this movie that you’ll have a headache. And it’s the hysterical crazy. There’s no turning point where the woman finds her inner strength and triumphs over evil. No this movie is following a hysterical, screaming white girl for an hour and a half until she’s finally dragged off into the dark. At which point you probably cheer, pop a couple of aspirin and burn the dvd. I feel bad she’s driven me to this extreme because other than that the characters are very believable and relatable, the zombies (rabies infected people) are terrifying, the special effects are top notch, and the story is original (other than the fact it’s a remake). If they muted fifteen minutes of her audio on the final cut of this movie it gets 4.5 dead hands. But with screaming intact I just can’t justify that kind of score. It was a valiant effort and a great film, you just need to watch it with the volume on low.

The Beer:

Aroma – 11/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 19/20

Palate – 5/5

Overall – 10/10

Total = 48/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 4/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4/5

REC and Great Divide's Espresso Oak Aged Yeti!!!

2012-03-08T09:39:00.000-09:00

This is the Blair Witch of zombie movies. The real one. The best one. I had heard rumblings about this Spanish film that was lighting fires in horror movie and indie film festivals. I had to wait an incredibly long time before I could find a Region 1 format dvd. In fact it took me so long to find it that I had already seen Quarantine in the theater before I found it! So I was kind of working backwards so to speak. I’m pairing this awesome movie with an equally awesome beer…Great Divide’s Espresso Oak Aged Yeti!!!! This is the beer that keeps me up at night. I worry that I’ll miss its seasonal release or that maybe Great Divide will be overwhelmed by high demands and won’t be able to get any!! It’s terrifying…..like the movie! Okay not like the movie but it’s still pretty scary. Just to be sure I would get my fair share I bought every bottle my local beer store had. No joke. I made it rain.

It’s hard for me to talk about this movie without talking about Quarantine. It’s hard not to compare the two films and all of their uniqueness or un-uniqueness. But I will try. You’ll have to wait for the Quarantine review for their subsequent comparison. After searching through my own blog I’ve discovered that I have yet to review any of the Great Divide beers!!! This is something I sincerely apologize about. Espresso Oak Aged Yeti is one of five Yeti beers. There’s Yeti the original Russian Imperial Stout, Belgian Style Yeti, Oak Aged Yeti, Chocolate Oak Aged Yeti, and then the mother of them all Espresso Oak Aged Yeti. Not quite as expansive as the Southern Tier Russian Imperial Stout selection but I think Yeti is of even higher quality. Great Divide prides itself of full flavored ales such as;

Fresh Hop Pale Ale

Scotch Ale

Farmhouse Ale

Belgian Golden

Double IPA

Baltic Porter

Wood Aged Double IPA

Oaked IPA

English Old Ale

And a wonderful Rye Lager

That’s a pretty wide selection of styles. It’s something I really appreciate in a brewery. It’s substantially more expensive for breweries to use different yeasts instead of recycling the same strain over and over on all its different beers. I appreciate them going the extra mile. Before I even get the DVD into the player I’ve got my glass ready and I’m pouring the beer. It’s hard for me to express how beautiful it is. It’s one of the blackest beers I’ve ever seen (second only to Black Albert). It’s thick, opaque, and viscous with a dark mud brown head. The head itself is darker than some stouts I’ve seen. It’s full of dark roasted malt, French roast coffee, and bitter chocolate. The aroma is delightful. I can say delightful and still be “Jack Bauer” manly with this beer in my hand. You can pretty much do anything while drinking this beer and still be lumberjack manly. The flavor matches the aroma. It’s thick and deep with so much malt that I’m a little overwhelmed. Tons of bitter coffee mix with the high alcohol heat to give the perfect blend of flavors. The oak mutes it all and brings it all together with the slightest hints of vanilla. It has low carbonation and a sweet finish that lingers. This beer is meant to be sipped and savored. If you see it then buy all you can find. It’s worth it.

The movie is frightening. The idea is that a news crew is following their local fire department out on a routine call to an apartment when all hell breaks loose! Soon they find themselves trapped with feral possessed people as the building is quarantined. The first person camera work makes this movie feel real without making you sick like Blair Witch. Because it’s a news team also means that there is a professional camera so there’s no cutting corners with special effects. The characters are instantly believable and relatable. Even though you’re reading subtitles! It’s one of those movies that after the first couple of minutes you forget your reading.

It’s such an original spin on an old genre. Everywhere the characters turn there is danger. The movie keeps your heart pounding the entire time. I’m going to go ahead and give some spoilers so if you haven’t seen this movie you should shield your eyes. If you’re like me and was watching this movie with the sound way up then when the firefighter got thrown down the stairs you screamed like an eight year old girl. That shit made me jump! The coordination to make all of these effects work without cutting from scene to scene and using multiple cameras must have been incredible. My favorite scene in the movie was only a quick flash when the firefighter used his sledgehammer to explode a demon’s (possessed person’s) face. He slammed down and blood exploded all over the wall. AWESOME!

I know I said I wouldn’t do this but a few comparisons have to be made with Quarantine. First off, REC is way better. The acting is more believable (there’s considerably less screaming from the lead actress). And REC is more gory than the toned down Quarantine. It’s not Dead Alive gory but it’s a classy gory like Pontypool. Just watch this movie. It’s a 5dead hand award winner. This is one for the collection.

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 20/20

Palate – 5/5

Overall – 10/10

Total = 50/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 5/5

Overall – 5/5

Ninjas VS Zombies and Southern Tier Creme Brulee

2012-02-15T11:21:00.000-09:00

I got a third straight night of zombie movies. Lucky me and subsequetially.....lucky you. It looks just terrible. It reeks of sub par acting and bad CGI. But the idea is so terrible, so stupid, so half drunk middle school sleepover that I must see it. I went with what I can only imagine is another knock out beer from a kick ass brewery. Southern Tier has cemented themselves in my top ten breweries in the country. I think I've wrote before that if a brewery doesn't brew an imperial stout then they probably suck. Here Southern Tier makes something like 4 or 5! This looks like a serious dessert beer!

So the movie starts off by pissing me off. This nerdy dude is holding a seance to bring back his dead brother. Yes, the zombies are a result of magic. There's reference to Dungeons and Dragons, and numerous poorly acted movie references. Not only are the zombies a result of magic, but there's a king zombie that can talk, fight like a ninja, do magic, and control the zombies. So Captain King Fucking Zombie (Eric) goes around eating people's souls (not the people themselves......just the soul) in the most corny and overacted way possible. The movie drags for the first bit trying to do some character development. Each person is unique in the way that they're all sort of the same and someone you think you might know. The dialog is absolutely terrible. But....it's sort of growing on me......and I sort of like it. Things are starting to heat up and I'm warming up to this terrible movie.

So I pour the beer into the snifter and it's dark black. It's thick and viscous and browns out at the edges. It leaves a thick brown head that floats like melted marshmallows. The first sniff is intoxicating! I can't believe how much this smells like real Creme Brulee!!! There's sweet vanilla and burnt sugar dripping over chocolaty notes and rich cream. It's like your about to drink a gourmet milkshake.

(Picture thanks to baranddrinker.com!)

The flavor matches. It's smooth and creamy with a thick mouthfeel. It's oily and slick and screams milkfat. It's loaded with lactose that's for sure, giving it a sweetness that lingers long after your finished sipping. Their is layer after layer of goodness here. Vanilla and burnt sugar, layers of caramel and frothy cream, then your hit by the slightest acceptable bitterness and the coffee and chocolate notes from all that malt. I also happened to have some 64% cacao nibs from our local chocolate shop. The bitter of the chocolate mixed with the sweet of the beer to create a flavor more powerful than the both. Don't buy Riesling or port wine. Don't break out some dessert liquor. Buy this beer and slap it in the fridge. It can also be drizzled over high quality vanilla ice cream for a super beer treat. This beer is one sided and not very drinkable. But it's exactly what it means to be; a cap at the end of the night, a finish to a holiday spend gorging yourself and watching football. It's a beautiful beast and deserves all of our respect.

So the more I watch this movie the more I love it! But, before I tell you why I love this movie let me tell you a little bit more about why I hate it. The dialog is horrible. Especially the guy who summons his brother. I think his name in the movie was Randal but I think we should just call him wizard boy. He's so terrible. But it's so terrible it's awesome. There's a lot of references to other movies; Army of darkness, Evil Dead, Star Wars, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just to name a few. I hate the fake CGI fireballs that wizard boy and his brother king fucking zombie hurl at each other in the final battle scene. I hate the way that king fucking zombie overacts every single line and every expression. He comes off so cocky and talentless that it's hard not to hate him. The fight scenes are terrible and soooo slow. All that being said this is probably the BEST B rate zombie movie I own. It's an all around instant favorite. Why? Because it's original, and it's funny. It feels like you made the movie with a group of your friends and as you watch it your reliving the good times. Unlike Living a Zombie Dream and I, Zombie which are so bad....they're terrible, this one is so bad......it's awesome!!!! I would go ahead and say this should go on your must see list. It's even got a squeal out "Ninjas Versus Vampires". I am not a fan of vampire movies but i might have to make an exception for this one.

Even if you don't like imperial stouts and b rate horror (which i find hard to believe) you should still buy this beer and rent this movie. Because even if you don't love it, in fact even if you hate it, i guarantee they will be unforgettable!

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 9/10

Total = 46/50

The Movie:

Production – 2/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 2/5

Zombies – 2/5

Overall – 2/5

The Walking Dead (Season 1) and Russian River Pliny The Elder

2012-02-03T12:54:00.001-09:00

I was hoping to have this one out before the premier of season 2 but I went and had a second kid. That has slowed down the whole blogging thing. I found out about the walking dead about two years ago when a friend of my father told him about the comic (ahem....graphic novel). It was so good that some of volumes actually made me lose sleep. That's impressive. So I was a little annoyed when AMC picked up the series. I know I'm not alone. I was hoping that HBO would throw down and give it all the uncensored carnage that we all would like to see. It could have been worse I guess. It could have went to USA in that time slot right after Monk. AMC has some pretty great shows out right now with Breaking Bad and Mad Men so I gave it a chance. I decided the best beer to pair with this series (yes six hours and one beer...well one beer six times) would be Russian River's Pliny the Elder. Much to my amazement I found a couple bottles at my local supermarket. I bought all they had! I had never seen it in bottles before and thought it might be the last time. For those of you who have never heard of Pliny the Elder it's the famous IIPA that has won TONS of awards! I read a zymurgy in 2009 that had Pliny the Elder trading off with Dogfish Head's 90 min for best bear in the US for 3 year running. Pliny the Elder (not to be confused with Pliny the Younger) also won Bronze at the Great American Beer Fest in 2004 and a Gold in 2005. Pliny also won gold at the World Beer Cup in 2005. All of these in the Double IPA catagory. It's supposed to be epic.

So I started off with the first episode and was immediately impressed. They weren't rushing things as I had thought they might. And it stayed fairly close to the comic. I'm not sure why it's so important to me that it follows the comic so closely. Perhaps it's because the comic was so well done. The character development in the the comic was so amazing that you actually felt like you knew each character. You shared their joys, disappointments, and fears. Each time they deviate from the comic or change any of the characters relationships or mannerisms I take offense. "That's not how Sean would react!" or "That's not how Andrea is!" Those are my friends!!!! The opening sequence in the Walking Dead was spot on and almost frame for frame from the comic. Except that with the magic of TV everything was even more frightening. The initial scene where Rick awakens in the hospital and is trying to figure out what's going on captured hopelessness and horror even better than 28 Days Later!!! And that's saying something.

The Walking Dead is instantly a classic in my collection. It fills a gap between a gory raw classic and an easily accessible show even my wife will watch. In that sense it's the perfect show for pulling a large audience into the world of zombie mania. More people than ever will start coming up with their own zombie survival plans and wearing I (heart) zombie t-shirts. This will inevitably lead (if it already hasn't) to a slew of watered down zombie flicks looking to cash in on the craze. The same reasons i love The Walking Dead are the reasons I hate it. It's beginning to take away something that for a while (at least it seemed) was deeply personal.

I was lucky enough to be able to try Pliny the Elder once before. When my wife and I were traveling from Boston to Anchorage we stopped in Santa Rosa to do some wine tasting. I had heard of the mystique that surrounded Russian River beers but because they didn't distribute to Massachusetts so I didn't have a chance to actually try them. We were just walking through downtown Santa Rosa when I saw it. It was like a shinning star! Russian River was right there in front of me. I fell to my knees in amazement. Was it fate? I had they're amazing jalapeno pizza bites and a pint of Pliny the Elder. It was a day I'll never forget. If you ever go there you'll understand what I mean.

The Beer! So my notes on this review became less and less coherent as the films went on. Perhaps it was because by the end it was getting really late, or maybe it was the 5 Plinys that went with Season 1? Go to BeerAdvocate.com (bastards) link for Pliny the Elder or the Ratebeer.com site and you will see that this beer......is a standard setter. It gets a score of 100 across the board in 4 different categories (including a professional rating). The beer pours a dark gold with hues of orange topped with a thick cream colored head. The aroma is overwhelmingly awesome. There is tons of citrus. It's like pounds and pounds of grapefruit, apricot, orange peel and lemon. There's also a bit or resiny bitter hops that push through the barrage of citrus. With the first sip after sip of this beer continue to push fruit on fruit into your tongue. There's a certain level of balance with the caramel malt backbone but don't be fooled, this beer is all hops. The malt is simply there to sweeten your tongue and get you drunk. The hops are the driving force here. The hops are much like Robert De Niro in Ronin.

The first season was breathtakingly original. And that's difficult for a zombie series. The actors (and actresses) are talented and realistic and the plot is thrilling but believable. Greg Nicotero is the head special FX guy and his work is inspiring. He did Planet Terror, Diary of the Dead, and even Army of Darkness just to name a few. He also did Transformers, Public Enemies, Minority Report, Book of Eli and like 1,000 other awesome movies. He not only does that bang up job in makeup but he also stars as several zombies along the way. He's the guy that bites Amy and the guy that kills the deer. It's one of the reasons this show is so great. the death just seems so real.

That's Greg!!

For those that live under a rock or in North Korea "The Walking Dead" stars Rick Grimes, a cop who awakens from a coma to find himself in a world of zombies. I know i know "that's 28 Days Later"!!! It is but i'm going to give them a pass because they do it differently enough as to not be considered cinematic plagiarism. He finds his family who have set up camp in a band of survivors just outside of Atlanta. The biggest problem I had with season one was the rapid deterioration of human decency that was somewhat more drawn out and deliberate in the comic. This was a bit rectified in the second season where things just drag for a couple episodes. I guess they needed some balance. The characters they cast in the show bear an incredible likeness both in appearance and demeanure to their comic book counterparts. It's almost eery actually. Glenn is the most obvious, but Dale is spot on as well. This show is so well produced that my wife (who hates TV and horror specifically) gets so excited for Walking Dead that she won't let me watch an episode without her. It's the real deal. I can't say any more about it. You need to watch it and you need to read it.

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 20/20

Palate – 5/5

Overall – 10/10

Total = 50/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 5/5

Overall – 5/5

Resident Evil: Extinction and Deschutes Jubelale

2012-01-29T13:33:00.014-09:00

So I move on to the third Resident Evil movie with a sigh of relief. It's not that the other two are that bad, because they're not. I just have seen them SOOOOOO many times. And the Resident Evils are not a re-watch and re-watch type of movie like Dawn of the Dead. I know earlier in prior posts I claimed my favorite as the original, but after watching them again in order, I have changed my mind, the third one is! It wasn't always this way. The first time I saw Extinction I hated it. Zombie birds was a huge turn off, as were the super mutant zombies, and the remote control Alice. But this movie had a certain likability to it. I decided to pair it with another new favorite of mine...JUBELALE!!!! Not to be confused with Jubel the 10% abv bomb that just kicks ass. This is a more toned down seasonal perfect for when the weather gets a bit chilly and you need a little something to warm you up.

So this film starts out with Alice on the road alone. She goes to save a woman and her baby that she hears on her radio only to find herself in a trap with a ganged of strange inbred street people! But it's Alice, so ass kicking ensues and everyone is dead....except Alice of course. Great start to the movie. This is also where the idea is planted that Alaska is infection free. I know I'm a bit biased after living there for three years, but it really would be a great place to be in a Zombie Apocalypse. The first movie starred Alice the normal woman who transformed into Alice the highly trained killer. The second movie is Alice the highly trained killer transforming into Alice the semi mutant bad-ass. In this movie Alice goes from semi mutant bad-ass to full faced super-motherfucking-mutant-bad-ass!!!! She actually gets all telepathic in this movie. It gets weird. That's your heads up.

Deschutes puts out quality beer after quality beer. This is no exception. It's their winter ale and it's awesome. It pours a deep cloudy opaque brown with dark red hues and a nice light brown head. The aroma is strong toasted malts with some high alcohol fumes. It's very rich with grassy hops, spice, and clove. The flavor is similar to aroma but stronger. It's boozy and slick, full of malt that fades to an earthy bitterness. It's strong at 6.7% abv and plenty bitter at 60 IBUs. There's a hint of coffee under all that rich toasted malt. It's unique in a way that few beers are. This is the winter ale that other winter ales wished they were but they don't have the balls. If a hefeweizen is your idea of extreme then don't buy this beer. It will leave you naked and crying on the bathroom floor. Me.....I have two cases of it. So I can take it.

The zombie birds i think took up more of this movie than they needed to. In fact if they had left them completely out it would have been better. At least it wasn't as bad as "The Rage" or whichever Zombi movie was the "Killing Birds" one. I think it was four or five.

I do like those curvy blades that Alice has. Those are pretty sweet. I originally hated the idea that Alice had super mental powers but it was pretty sweet. They (Umbrella Co.) actually shut her off (she stands frozen) and they can see things through her eyes for some reason. This is actually sweeter every time i see it. It was a really cool effect. She is able to break satellites thousands of miles away with her mind. Despite the fact that this movie relies on non traditional zombies to try and set this film apart it still works. The "Boss" zombie is the research scientist that gets bit with a mutated virus and becomes some kind of mutated super zombie. He's even stronger than ROBOZOMBIE and rabid hairless lion zombie. I think by the end of this film you'll be glad I'm done with my descriptions of the various Resident Evil zombies. This movie also had a lot of very likable characters. Otto (Simpsons reference) the bus driver, Carlos (the S.T.A.R guy from Apocalypse), Claire, and the cowboy guy all grab at your heart. It's entertaining and though it doesn't fit the mold of what I think a zombie movie should be I still think it deserves it's due credit.

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 3/5

Overall – 7/10

Total = 38/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 4/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4/5

Resident Evil: Apocalypse and Blue Moon Winter Abbey Ale

2012-01-24T11:01:00.000-09:00

So going in order my next film is Resident Evil: Apocalypse. This is the second movie in the series and again stars Milla Jovovich as Alice: Super zombie killer woman. This movie, like those before and after it, are decent enough but lack that umph that would make them great. They’re a good movie to watch with non zombie lovers as they’re watered down enough to feed the masses. I however am not the masses. Interestingly enough, I picked a beer that is (I assume) also watered down for the masses, Blue Moon Winter Abbey Ale. I saw it cheap and had heard surprisingly good things about it. So here it is.

The movie opens up with the same scene that the first movie ended with. Almost frame for frame exact if I’m not mistaken. You can see her vagina briefly but that's neither here nor there..............anyway.....The idea is that the virus that decimated “The Hive” is now above ground and causing the same sort of havoc in Raccoon City. Alice isn’t the only badass feminine zombie killer. For those men who prefer brunettes to blonds we have Jill Valentine!

She is a kick ass ex S.T.A.R. (Special Tactics and Rescue Services) team member. Everyone is trying to clear the checkpoint and evacuate the city when the Umbrella Corporation orders the gates sealed and live machine gun fire to push back the crowd. At the same time a S.T.A.R. team drops down in the center of the city to battle the undead and help any survivors they can find. Everyone is trapped with no way out…….or is there? During the evacuation, the daughter of one of Umbrella’s lead scientists was left behind. He solicits the help of the remaining survivors to rescue his daughter in return for their release.

But you can’t have zombies without beer…can you? On to the Blue Moon! It only takes a google search to find out that Blue Moon isn’t Blue Moon!!! It’s Coors.

So I guess not only do they do Rocky Mountain refreshment, but now they’re dabbling in the age old art of Belgian beer brewing. Who knew! So for those that don’t know the difference between a Trappist ale, an Abbey ale, and plain old Belgian beers (dubble, tripel,…ect) I will explain. There are only 7 trappist breweries (6 of which are in Belgium); Achel, Chimay, La Trappe, Orval, Rochefort, Westmalle, and Westvleteren. In order to be a trappist beer they need to be brewed in a monastery, monks need to play a role in production and policies, and profits need to go to the monastery and/or social programs. If you brew trappist style beers somewhere that’s not a monastery, or brew under license to an existing abandoned abbey then you can be labeled an ABBEY ALE! So far there are eighteen certified Abbey Breweries and guess what…..Coors isn’t one of them. Look for this “Certified Belgian Abbey Beer” logo to ensure you have the real thing. This label screams "HELLO I'M A BIG FAT SNOB. I'M BETTER THAN YOU. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD GO DRINK SOMETHING LESS AWESOME THAN ME."

So I popped open this “Abbey Ale” to see what all the fuss was about. It’s 5.6% abv (a little low for dubbles in my opinion) brown color with hints of red that I would expect from the style. But, it's crystal clear? I hope they didn't cold filter a belgian dubbel!!! There's no cloudy yeast goodness!!! The head is a frothy light brown color that doesn’t kick with that fizzy mouse like head that I expect from most Abbey Ales. This was my first warning of things to come. The smell was simple. Sweet brown and raw sugars crushed with a light caramel malt. There’s not a whole lot there and the unique trademark Abbey aroma is one of the major draws of this beer style. It should be distinct and slightly shocking while at the same time being reassuring and pleasurable. Tell me what you think that’s a metaphor for. The taste followed the aroma, thin, uninspiring. Slightly sweet, bits of caramel, slight husky gruff but virtually no bready Belgian character. No smooth yeasty flavor. It’s absent of everything that makes a Belgian a Belgian and yet they have the audacity to name it an “Abbey Ale”. It’s thin with too low carbonation and no Belgian flavor. If you had told me this was Blue Moon’s “Winter Ale” I would give it about a 3.5 but you kick me in the knee and tell me it’s an Abbey ale…..you’ve slid significantly to the left.

Now to something slightly less disappointing (only slightly). Not only does this movie include the same terrible CGI laden giant hairless brain lions but now we add something even dumber. ROBOZOMBIE!

Here is a zombie (used to be that reporter and almost survivor from the first movie) that has been transformed into ……again……ROBOZOMBIE!!! He has giant metal feet and a Gatling gun hand. So what does a super robot zombie have for a weakness…..why of course!!! LOVE!

So in the final battle Alice uses love to beat ROBOZOMBIE. You had it……then just like that…..you lost it. It must be what Dam Marino felt like never winning a Superbowl. The movies not all that bad. it's mediocre. But it does have one of my favorite zombie movie scenes in it. This black guy is driving down a zombie infested road, just ramming them down with his car, when he becomes distracted by a couple of half naked stripper zombies and crashes. It's pretty funny. I hope I didn't spoil it for you.

The Beer:

Aroma – 6/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 11/20

Palate – 2/5

Overall – 6/10

Total = 27/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 4/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 4/5

Resident Evil and Oakshire Brewing's Overcast Espresso Stout

2012-01-19T19:14:00.001-09:00

It's taken me a while to finish this post. I actually reviewed this movie on Halloween night.....with my wife! My wife hates horror movies and despises zombie movies. She doesn't see the beauty in there metaphors and believes that they are, get this, too graphic!!! But once a year she puts fear and personal ideology aside and watches a zombie movie with me. I let her pick the movie so she feels a little more comfortable about the whole situation. In fact I was feeling so nice that i let her pick the beer as well!!! She's usually pretty good at this because her favorite styles are Russian Imperial Stouts, Double IPAs, and Barleywines. So I trust her....more or less. She decided she would play it safe and pick Resident Evil. The reason for this is that she knows it's not overly scary and would have some Hollywood produce entertainment value. She also came home with Oakshire Brewing's Espresso Stout. I do love things from Eugene, OR so how bad could it be......and so we began.

I think the scariest part of the whole film is the beginning sequence. Not very promising to a wife who is shielding her eyes as a woman gets decapitated trying to climb out of an elevator. I haven't seen this movie in quite a while and I must say.....it's better than i remember. After seeing the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th movies it's hard to imagine Alice as anything but some kind of strange super person (especially the 3rd movie). But there she is, scared and defenseless. And you actually get to watch her grow through the movie as she starts to remember who she is. I do have a couple of problems with the plot of this movie. First, they were able to build a holographic, completely automated, computer based security system to control The Hive. But they can't get a heads up as to what went wrong without sending in a team of six swat team members. You'd think they could download a little security footage and say "Oh shit....Guys look at this!!!! Some of that blue shit...

...oh man!!! Guys the blue shits got out......

we got zombies. Lets get a small army of soldiers together and let them know what their up against. Oh and don't forget to tell them about that laser room.

The security code for it is "lasers off". Okay don't forget to shoot for the head". Sadly there was no such briefing. But I guess if they had known that stuff then it wouldn't have been much of a movie.

I'm weary of my wife's beer decision as soon as i read the label. It's only 5.8% abv. This matters more for a coffee blended stout than for any other beer. I'll tell you why. The bitterness and astringency that the coffee can add needs to be balanced with sweet malt and other roasted malty flavors. If there isn't enough malt backbone then the beer comes out tasting like old coffee and a little beer mixed in. So I pour this sloshy black liquid into a couple of Sam Adams glasses and take my first sniff. It's all coffee. Well, maybe not ALL coffee, but its at least MOSTLY coffee. There is a slight cocoa aroma and a twist of roasted malt but for the most part this is a cold cup o Joe. I place swirl up the a tan head and buried my nose deep into the glass hoping for a little something more.......nothing. First lovely sip.....shit. A real bomber. Perhaps it's because of my own high expectations for things bearing the label "(coffee product) Stout". Langunitas Cappuccino Stout, Great Divide's Espresso Oak Aged Yeti, Southern Tier's Mokah, Jah*va and countless others all deliver a strong coffee beer without overwhelming the BEER portion. Get those instead. This is a over carbonated, underflavored, thin and forgettable beer. This beer could be much better by upping mouth feel, and maltiness. But at that point it would be a different beer. The long and the short of it......this beer sucks.

The movie went two far with it's first instillation. They had the base for a great zombie movie. They had realistic(ish) zombies and decent actors. In fact there were complex dimensions to this movie about that i had forgot about. Like the transformation of our heroin from a forgetful blond with a high cut red dress into a battle hardened blond ninja....in a high cut red dress. I also have a problem with Michelle Rodriguez. Nobody thinks your hot. In fact your husky voiced, "I'm one tough bitch" routine is really getting old. As soon as we see you we know exactly what we're in for. How does it feel to know that your a more one dimensional than Keanu Reeves?

I can't quite give this movie the gold sticker since it has some kind of mutated strange ass zombie creature in it. They seem to always do something like that. They have a perfectly good movie, then they go add something ridiculas and ruin it. A zombie that feeds on fresh DNA and mutates into a SUPER ZOMBIE LION DOG THING!!!!

The Beer:

Aroma – 6/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 7/20

Palate – 1/5

Overall – 3/10

Total = 19/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 4/5

Zombies – 3/5

Overall – 3/5

So this is the first film that in actually rated higher based on all my categories than I would have given it for overall enjoyment. In my head the whole time it was a 2, but low and behold it rates out as a three.

Oh, and I'm back and blogging!

Beast Within and Old Viscosity

2011-10-30T06:42:00.000-08:00

This movie was a $2 buy that i haven't been that excited about. The cover indicates that is a mix between Zombie 5: Killing Birds and Day of the Dead (2008 Remake). Meaning it's a cross between zombie birds (i hate zombie birds) and overly mutated zombies. After a bit of googling it has two titles. The other is "Virus Undead". I decided not to go in alone. I started with a bottle of Obsidian, chased it with a bottle of Old Rasputin, and before the opening credits were finished was popping the Old Viscosity. A name like Old Viscosity is not likely to attract a novice beer drinker who is weary about stouts. But for someone like me who is always looking for a high octane tongue stomper, it's perfect.

The movie starts off with some doctor talking about mutated avian flu (bird flu) and already I hate it. The birds swoop in though the skylight and peck the doctors eyes out. A nice thank you! Oh doc thanks so much for curing the worst plague to ravage our species let us thank you by EATING YOUR FUCKING EYES!!!! Birds, the nerve! Don't worry because the plot moves from birds to humans pretty quickly. It's amazing how terrible script is on this. I don't want to blame the actors because it can't be all their fault. Every character is just this terrible archtype. For example the cop is the typical small town cop. Pulls up to a fight and has a doughnut hanging out of his mouth, needs to put his club back into his belt, and gets pissed at this kid that left the small town to go to medical school. "How dare you go to be a doctor, you could stay here and be a cop like me." Okay he didn't say it but the dialog wasn't much better. Who gets mad because someone moves out of their town. I don't give a shit who comes and goes. The bully is mad because our hero dated his girlfriend 10 years ago in high school. With not a lot going on he still holds the grudge. Just go down the line with all the typical characters; the trashy girl, the player, the nerd, the sweet girl, the bully, his subordinate minions. It's all there covered in cheese. Suddenly I feel like i need a drink.

The appeal of a viscous rich dark ale is something that takes some warming up to, especially if you drink it at cellar temperature like a real beer drinker would. And i'm not some broke ass frat boy looking to guzzle yellow piss water....so cellar temp it is. I pour this thick black son of a bitch into my sparkling clean 22oz snifter and it foams up a dark brown three finger head. It's aroma is similar to Obsidian but softer and richer at the same time. There's the dominant roasted malts, with roasted coffee and dark coffee. The aroma is calming and wonderful but not overpowering. It's soft but rich! The flavor is superb. First the thick oily liquid covers my tongue with a lightly carbonated slap and it jumps right into the malt. More dark maltiness where grain fights grain for the most dominant in the beer. It's a wonderful collaboration of the biskety malt flavors, dark roasted malts, and an warm alcohol finish that leaves the drinker in a state of beer bliss. With the rest of the bottle smiling at me invitingly i delve back into my film.

As our three main characters stop off at a gas station there's a lot of angry bird (not the game) foreshadowing and some sexual intercourse foreshadowing as well. Yea our three heroes are on their way to our lead actors father's estate. He's going to sort things out after the untimely death. They decide to invite two gas station women to the estate they've never seen before for some sort of "my dad's dead make out party". Shit starts getting really bad when the town bully shows up to dish out some pain. He turns into a zombie!!!! I forget the order but people are having sex, people are fighting zombies, and then someone gets bitten. They do the token zombie movie mistake of keeping him around until they can find a cure. Then pretty much everyone dies. Accept for our hero who allowed his girlfriend to sacrifice herself so he could continue fighting friend zombie on the mansion tower.....classy classy classy.

Overall the movie was only mostly shitty. It's saved by the decent special effects and plenty of zombie action. While i'm not a fan of the cross species zombie virus (dogs in resident evil, birds in several other movies) i think it almost works. The beer (okay beers) makes this movie bearable and could be the sole reason that this movie is a 3 and not 2.5 zombie hands. I don't see this one getting many more watches but it's in my collection so......i don't know. It's there?

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 7/10

TOTAL= 39/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

TOTAL – 3/5

House by the Cemetery and Pyramid Thunderhead

2011-10-22T05:51:00.000-08:00

This week’s unpolished turd of a movie is Lucio Fulci’s House by the Cemetery. I have this strange Love/Hate relationship with Fulci’s work. Some of it is really good; City of the Living Dead (I don’t know why I like this movie so much). Some of it is okay; Zombi 2, The Beyond. And some of it sucks; Zombi 3 and The House by the Cemetery. I got the movie and a case of Pyramid Thunderhead at the ready. It’s time to plow through this shitty film. Here we go.

I started my drinking an hour before during dinner. I knew what projects I had on tap for the evening and I knew I couldn’t go in cold. So I started with a couple of Thunderheads (love the name) and some turkey dinner. BOOM. Ready to go! The movie starts out at a break neck pace (pun). There’s a topless girl in a dusty, cobweb covered mansion (the ultimate aphrodisiac) getting dressed presumably after doing “the deed”. She ties her shoes, buttons up her blouse (exit the movie's only nudity), and searches for her man toy who is playfully hiding from her…..or is he. Dun dun dunnnnn! She goes searching the house and eventually finds him hanging at the back of a door with his face removed. She screams but it’s too late!!! She takes a knife to the face! I guess technically she takes a knife to the back of the head and it comes out her face. It seems that Fulci has figured out that people don’t like stuff happening to their faces and exploits that. I for one do not want to get stabbed in the face or have a tarantula eat my face/tongue.

Now that I’ve got a little nudity and violence in the bag I think it’s time to talk about Pyramid. They have grown exponentially in the 27 years since their inception. They began as Hart Brewing in Kalama, WA in 1984 (my birth year!) and eventually changed names to Pyramid (hefeweizen anyone) in 1996. They have a wide array of beers but only a few “imperial” type beers, only two of which reach past 7%. Not that alcohol is everything. I don’t relish a high alcohol content for its intoxicative properties but rather for its indication of a thicker, fuller, more complex brew. I know this isn’t always true but for the most part if you’re sipping on an IPA with a wimpy 5.3% (no names here) or a full 7.6% you’re drinking a very different beer. I realize that I need to step down my misguided beer snobbery a bit. I realize the value in a well crafted hefeweizen that’s only 5% or a guez that doesn’t reach 6%. In fact I was inspired by Samuel Smiths’ low alcohol/high flavor English ales. With that denunciation of my own misguided elitism I try to love the smaller beers.

Thunderhead is a respectable 6.7% abv and 67 IBUs. This is significant because they use a textbook Gravity to Alcohol to IBU ratio which is supposed to help craft a well balanced beer. As you know this type of blanket formula can’t work for all styles of beer and the distribution of the IBUs (between bittering, flavor, and aroma) is more important than the total number of IBUs in the beer. That being said the ultimate in IPA producers (Dogfishead) uses this formula (60 min IPA=6%abv and 60 IBUS, 90 min IPA = 9%abv and 90 IBUs). The website says the malts used are 2-Row Barley, Munich 10L, Caramel, and Carapils. The 2 Row is the base malt and makes up most of the beer. The Munich malt adds the slight orange hue and imparts a nice malty flavor. Caramel malt (crystal 10L probably) will give a light sweetness. The Carapils is for mouthfeel and head retention. The hops are CTZ? Extensive googling revealed that this means Columbus also named Tomahawk or Zeus, and Nugget. Now had I known these were the hops they used I probably would not have gotten this beer. Nugget is supposed to be floral and resiny, used mostly for bittering. Columbus (CTZ) is one of the big American C hops. It’s citrusy and resiny but without that nice polished character that Centennial or Cascade have and without that biting bitterness of the Chinook.

Enough background. Here’s the beer. It poured a deep yellow with just a slight orange tint to it. It was perfectly clear until I emptied the last bit of sediment from the bottle. Now it’s a mostly clear beer with a little cloudy sediment. It’s got a white here it is/there it goes head and a slight lacing that follows. The aroma is mild. Floral hops and slightly sweet malty notes are present. Muted citrus, apricot mostly. The flavor matches the aroma. Nothing really going on here. It’s an IPA for people that don’t like IPAs. It’s mild mannered and not overly bitter. Medium mouthfeel with the same old same old barley flavor and muted hops pushing on your tongue. It’s calming and coaxing. You have a few of these and say to yourself “wow I think I might like IPAs!” So you go out and buy a Stone Ruination and spend the rest of the night dry heaving into a bucket while your significant other cradles your sobbing head in her hands praying that it will pass. Yea…..that’s about right.

As for the movie. It’s a lot like the beer. There’s a lot of drawn out suspense scenes where a door is squeaking or the floor is creaking and people are really scared but nothing happens. There are also a lot of very long murder scenes which are signature Fulci. But nothing is so new or so well done that you’re surprised. There’s just a lot of flesh colored plastic being cut and torn from necks. A solid effort, but at the end of the day its still flesh colored plastic. The idea is that this family of three moves into this giant mansion that has a zombie living in the basement. It was some doctor that was barred from the medical field for his unorthodox experiments. That S.O.B. found the key to immortality! All you have to do is wear a skin mask that covers your entire face and start eating people. How am I not already doing this! So yea three people (5 if you count the babysitter and realtor) all get hacked up by a skin face zombie.

Fulci focuses a lot on the neck in this movie. Three big death scenes that I can remember. All of them involved the neck! One is a fire poker (I think that’s what that was) that after a couple jabs to the chest is sent deep into the neck artery. Wow does that blood gush. This was very well done! It’s inspiring gore if I’ve ever seen any. Next was the babysitter who is this weird mix of evil or not evil (it’s never really explained). She gets her head cut off…..S-L-O-W-L-Y! Then it rolls down the stairs. Lastly and my least favorite, after accidentally cutting off the zombie’s hand then stomach stabbing it on purpose (the head damn it!), our main male character stands frozen with knife in hand as the zombie rips his throat out with his giant lizard hand.

Is this a zombie move? At first I thought no! It was a haunting movie. But after a lot of consideration I think it is a zombie movie. The fact that it only takes place in this house is a matter of convenience not some kind of ghost spell. There is a zombie in the basement that need live flesh in order to survive. It’s definitely dead and definitely eating people. Check and check! It’s a zombie movie. Now I will say that for a zombie movie there sure is a lot of tools used instead of some teeth ripping action but that’s okay. The plot of this movie jumps around more than my two year old. And at the end I’m left baffled but not enough to really care. Maybe some of it was lost in translation. Those damn Italians.

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 4/5

Overall – 6/10

Total = 37/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 2/5

Zombies – 2/5

Overall – 2.5/5