If only we had opposaboo digeets we would be perfect for space exploratioo. I means, not has to breathe or poop, not has to worry about pressoo differentioos an ours eyeboos squirtin out (not has eyeboos). Not dies of old age, so could go on long space missioos an be diplomootic envooys to alioo specieses!

Well, at least if yumans becomes too oppresseeve we can go live on the moo.

I shay unfortunatewey, becaushe I have weshentwy uncovered a shocking form of wook wook abushe that may be wewated to thish exshpewienshe. Mr. Eaf and Mr. Wawwy have been pwaying Fawwout 3, and in it you can get a weapon cawwed the Wock-It Wauncher, which shootsh the diffewent junk you can find wying about the Washtewand. And what can you find wying awound in copioush amountsh? Why, beahsh, of courshe.

Sho the upshot of aww that wash that Mr. Eaf wash wunning awound the Washtewand decapitating shuper mutantsh with teddy bearsh to the fashe! How howwifying! How bwutaw! How…

Oh, who am I kidding? It wash coow. I wove that my bwevwen got to be Wighteoush Beahs of Jushtishe!

We look looks gets very jealous of the yumanses’ iPhoones and iPods. You see, they requires magnets.

Descuse me. Bes right back.

OK, is back.

That was the GRR. She says they isn’t magnets, they is electro-magnetic fields. They takes the electrics in the yumanses’ skin an uses them to make the choosey wheel go round and round until you have found the album you is looking for. I says they has to be magnets, or how else would they get the choosey wheel to follow them? The GRR is an editor, she can’t be spected to know about everything. Besides, if they was fields wouldn’t the grass get stuck in the iPhoone?

The problem is, look looks doesn’t have magnets, they has fluff. Fluff isn’t sticky (unless you has stuck self-adhesive felt to your face for a makeshift pirate eyepatch, Gizmoo I is looking at you), so the choosey wheel doesn’t stick to us. We can’t even press the numbers on the iPhoone because they isn’t touch screen or buttons, they is all MAGNETS-BASED. Is we just not cut out for the 21th Century? Yumanses has it so easy. They just swishes theys fingers around the choosey wheel, and hey presto as if by magnets, out comes the music. That hardly seems f…

Descuse me. Bes right back again.

The GRR says that my understanding of the technologoo is such that it might as well be magic, which splains everything. I doesn’t know what that supposed to mean.

OK where were I?

Anyway, I is leading a R&D team, that am a relaxing and dossing about team, to look into look look magnets solutions. The GRR says is fine as longs I doesn’t put the magnets near the hard drives. Anyone know what she is on about?

I likes bein five. But when is I goin to get wrinkoos so peopoos takes me seriousloo as a philosophoo???

What ickUw forgot to teww you in hish washt posht ish that he had a tight deadwine for weading hish book; he had to be finished by today if he wanted to shay he’d wead a book by the time he wash ten.

ickUw’sh birfday ish in vewwy good company; Giwwiam and I are both gettin owder today. I am a venewabwe wook wook, at twenty yeawsh owd. It’sh actuawwy a vewwy shignificant day in wook wook hishtowy, wiv me being twenty, Giwwiam at five, and ickUw at ten. That’sh if you count in powersh of ten, which we do. Metwic wook wooksh for the win!

That’sh one of the thingsh I do to keep up wiv the youngshtewsh of today–internet shwang. Sho exshpect to shee wowbearsh any day now. I wook at youtube and evewyfing. The yumansh are shaying I’m wike a shewtered wewigioush schoowgiwl, and that’sh why I’ve gone nutsh now and wike gutsh and evewyfing, but I fink it’sh a natuwaw pwogweshion for a cawe beaw.

On Monday, I finish readin eet! Now I is a proper persoo!

An I has to stop bloggin now becoo the GRR whose ooves I is usin have had martini.

Just take a look at me:

I has a line drew down me ‘middoo’ seam. Me nostroos am space wonkiloo. Me beads am space wonkiloo. One ear an ossicone am slicked back, an the othoo sticks out like, “NEYO!”

But, when yoo gets down to eet, is I not cute?

An there we has eet, fellow wonk-maestroos: remember yoo is cute, an yoo will be quite happy livin wiv wonk.

Mr. Eaf say HD stand foo “Highly Disgustin”.