Good flick: a “B+”
The third should just be Rockwell
talking about guns.

I love Don Cheadle,
but, what the hell happened to
the other black guy?

Stark’s heart poisons him
This drama makes him boring.
Just stay an asshole.

Scarlet Johansson
kicked ass, but not as much as
Hit Girl. Timing fail.

[NEW NEWS] To make up for it’s negative publicity the town threw two proms and invited Constance and two learning disabled students to the fake prom with 5 other attendees, while the real prom rocked on other side of town. (via current.com)

What. The. Fuck.

But hold on. How did this even happen? Like, how did not one person in that entire school tell this girl about the real prom?! Were they forbidden? Did everybody know they weren’t supposed to tell these 9 people? That’d be so messed up.

And what the hell are the teachers thinking? They made national headlines by telling this lesbian girl she couldn’t dress like a dude and bring another girl to the prom, so they made up a fake prom and told her to go there?! That’s completely insane. It’s like when golfers say they’re meeting on the 10th hole at 10:00 and the new guy shows up and the sprinklers go on, except this isn’t every movie I’ve ever seen about golf, and some poor girl is going to have a mental disorder when this is over.

These people are adults, and they should be completely ashamed of themselves. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want more girls at a party?! It’s completely ridiculous. I don’t care if one of them is wearing pants. It’s stupid, and they are stupid.

I’m just as mad for the retarded kids.

“Price is Right Horns,” or PIRH

Nothing says failure like this sound. But what if you don’t want to take the time to link to an audio clip? Now you can simply write “PIRH,” and everyone will know that you are imparting the maximum amount of shame!

Me: How are you?

You: Not good, man. Denise just left me… She took the kids.

Me: PIRH

It even works on Twitter!

@grapesofrad Jay Leno is hosting The Tonight Show again. #PIRH

But wait, there’s more!

“Get Off My Lawn,” or GOML

• “Music today sucks.”
• “I remember POGs.”
• “Who the fuck is Justin Bieber?”

If you’ve said one or more of those things, that means you’re old and not cool anymore. Some people will desperately cling to their coolness (hipsters), others overcompensate (sluts/douchebags), while others will just let themselves go entirely (facebook moms). For the rest of us, those who are owning up to our burgeoning crotchety-ness, there is one phrase that lets every young punk know just who the hell they’re talkin’ to: “Get off my lawn.”

Now, everybody running up and down the block knows exactly how you feel about the de-planetization of Pluto, and so help them if they try to step just one foot of open mindedness anywhere near your lawn of stubbornness and distain for the unfamiliar.

It couldn’t be easier! Try one today!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Seriously.

I’ve never even seen Jersey Shore, and I have no idea why I’m doing this.

Click here for the player: “Space Oddity”

Unlike the other one of these I tried, this is a multi-track recording. The guitar, bass, drums, and a few vocal tracks were all recorded with 1 or 2 mics & in 1 take each, and were then mixed & EQ’d. Remember: sloppiness counts!

I’ve got a few ideas for some more covers. Whenever I get around to them, I’ll put them up here.  Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to say “hi” in the ol’ comments.

At one point, referencing a wrestling term-heavy comment left by the latter Sting, William asked Mary if she “really [thought the musician] would write using wrestling metaphors.”

Which got me to thinking.  What if he had?

Here are a few Sting songs with wrestling metaphors:

• “Every Chair You Break”
• “Don’t Slam So Close to Me”
• “Englishman on Monday Night RAW”
• “De Do Do Do, Da DDT”
• “Message in a Throttle”
• “Desert Rope”
• “McMahon”

Can you think of some more?  Leave them in the comments!

1. Foreign Accent Syndrome

There are some people out there who, after suffering some degree of brain trauma, start speaking with strong foreign accents!  Seriously.  It’d be like if Bruce Springsteen hit his head, woke up, & started talking like Borat!  And it can be permanent.  When I turned on the show, there were two people talking to each other who I thought were Italian Russian.  Nope.  Not at all.  Pretty sure they were American.

Apparently people with this disorder are not actually speaking with a genuine accent, but their speech processing gets so out of whack, that the way they form their words is akin to people for whom English is not their primary language.

Weird, but not as weird as this:

2. Body Integrity Identity Disorder

OK, this is fucked up.  People with BIID are totally convinced that they will be happier in life as amputees – so much so that they often seek out elective amputation of healthy limbs.  WTF?!

On the show, 2 psychologists did a test where they had one of these fools who wanted to lose his right leg stand perpendicular to a mirror so that what looked like his whole body was really 2 left sides (like I used to do with those mirrored columns at JCPenney while my mom was shopping – I could lift up “both” my legs and levitate!), and this crazy bastard didn’t feel like cutting his limb off anymore!

Until, of course, he stepped away from the mirror.

Homeboy wanted to lop off his right leg just below the knee so badly that, since no respectable surgeon would do it, he immersed his leg in dry ice for 5 hours until all the tissue died & the lower portion of his right leg had to be amputated…  just below the knee.  Seriously?!

1) Influenza kills roughly 36,000 people in the US each year.  Not “swine flu” – I’m talking about regular ol’ “the flu.”  If this porcine strain wants to match that number, it’s got a long way to go from the one person it’s killed domestically as of today.

Oh, but what about the 150 people who died in Mexico?  You know what else kills 150 people every year in Mexico? The Chupacabra.

2) This is not new.  Check out these PSAs about swine flu from 1976:

Click here to view the embedded video.

(You know what else happened in 1976?  U2 was formed.  If I had the option of contracting swine flu if it meant never having to listen to that overrated band again, I would take it.)

3) The media wants to scare you.  If you’re scared, your eyes stay glued to TV, websites, magazines, and newspapers.  If you’re eyes are glued, you’re seeing the advertisements.  The more eyes on the ads, the more money they can charge for them.  Bottom line.

So, can we stop this now?  The human species isn’t going to die out because of West Nile Virus Bird Flu SARS Monkeypox MRSA Erectile Dysfunction Swine Flu. This is not 1340′s Europe.  Enough already, please.