The England batsmen response got off to a shaky start with Alistair Cook falling for a duck after just three balls, but Ian Bell and skipper Michael Vaughan steadied the ship and managing to end the day with 49 on the scoreboard.

The main mutterings before the series began was about when Sri Lankan legend Muttiah Muralitharan would break Shane Warne’s Test wickets record. Muralitharan probably will get the five needed wickets in this first match, but the record could be the only plus for the locals if the series continues in the current vein.

Before the series began I was leaning towards a draw, as I favour it for any three-match test in the sub-continent but England may just pleasantly surprise me. It would make a very nice change and a great pre-Christmas present, although as this is England I’m not allowing myself to count any chickens.

Free-range nor battery.

I mean, how could they possibly blow it this time?

I was only joking guys! I didn’t expect you to actually show us a whole new nadir. The only positive to come out of this is the immediate evacuation of Second-Choice Steve. Enjoy the Bahamas and £2.5m payoff.

For the love of God José, England Football Association: get Mourinho. No matter the cost, demands or potential tantrums.

Last Sunday, I was round my Grandad’s house watching the Scotland-Italy game with him and my Dad. Early in the second half, we traversed the channels to check that the Israel-Russia game was definitely being shown. As we got to Sky Sports 3, the white team split the red team’s defence and the striker scored; 1-0. “Are Israel playing in white?” I asked to the room and the TV. The commentator answered first: yes they were! Switching back to the Scotland game, a box popped up to notify viewers of the score. Whilst watching the rest of the Scotland plucky ballsup match I was on the edge of my seat but no more boxes appeared.

Switching channels one last time, we waited. Hoped. Dreamed. Then realised Russia were completely on top - especially dominant down the left wing. It was only a matter of time until they would score, then the floodgates would open. Russia did equalise, continued to pressurise but could only hit the post. Soon after, Israel broke away and nicked the winner.

Times like this is why I love the beautiful game.

Fast-forward to today: 4-5-1 - Scott Carson, Micah Richards, Sol Campbell, Joleon Lescott, Wayne Bridge, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Joe Cole, Peter Crouch.

Surprise!

Croatia won’t know what’s hit them. ‘cept they will, as everybody and their dog knows who will play and in what formation. The main decisions are [well, were] goalkeeper, right midfield, Lampard or Gerrard and upfront.

Robinson has been…well, iffy, for the past couple of seasons. I agree completely with the decision to drop him – but not to replace him with Scott Carson. Whilst the youngster will be an excellent goalkeeper, he has never played a competitive game for England. In addition, the other alternative is David James. A fantastic ‘keeper but with a reputation for calamitous mistakes. Being a Portsmouth fan, I’ve had my opinion changed. When you see him play week in, week out, you realise how many fantastic saves he makes, how many goals he prevents and helps his team score with quick accurate distribution. If you don’t see him that often, the mistakes are the only time you’ll pay attention. I’m sure Carson will do okay, but don’t envy him with these wet and slippery conditions…

Beckham not playing is more straight-forward for me. He is simply not match-fit. His crossing and dead-ball delivery is outstanding and I think he will play a part in the second-half, but I’m happy with him on the bench. I would like Aaron Lennon to be playing - but he is not at the same level he was when introduced to England. Wright-Phillips has been playing well for the national side recently and deserves his chance. I hope he takes it.

Due to the lack of first-choice strikers and the balls needed to pick between Gerrard and Lampard, McClaren has taken the easy option and plumped for them both. They’ve not played well together yet, but there is always the first time.

…

See, this is the thing about being an England fan. No matter how often they let you down, throw away results, play poorly, bottle it - I still think they can do it. Croatia aren’t playing for anything; it’s cold and wet, Wembley is packed with partisans - surely England will do enough to qualify.

I mean, how could they possibly blow it this time?