“Money is such an amazing teacher: What you choose to do with your money shows whether you are truly powerful or powerless.”
- Suze Orman

I found myself nodding to what Suze Orman had to share in the 10-minute free video that was recently published by Hay House. Suze Orman is an internationally acclaimed personal fiance expert. She helps people make the connection between self-worth and net-worth.

View the video here….

In essence, her core message is this: the first step to being great and making money starts with improving the relationship with ourselves. It is a message that is at the heart of what I share in my work too

The video is one of six sneak previews of the upcoming online Hay House World Summit, which starts on Saturday, June 1 2013.

You won’t want to miss the Summit from June 1st to 10th. The conversations are free and in full! Ten audio recordings are released each day from 100 top Hay House experts such as Dr Wayne Dyer, Esther Hicks, Dr Bruce Lipton, Marianne Williamson and Sonia Choquette.

If you have never had the chance to attend a Hay House event physically, then this is a great way to gain access to the summit. You can do this easily from the comfort of your own home. I have registered for the event myself.

Interested? Register Over Here>>>

Love and abundance always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

P.S. Help me spread the word by sharing this post on your favorite social media platforms!

Enjoyed the Video?

Share your thoughts on what Suze Orman shared in the video below.

“Show your body that you are aware of yourself even in the moment that you are serving another.” Joy Holland during the interview call

Over a week ago, I invited Joy Holland to have a chat with me on “vesting presence as a self-love gift”. Joy Holland blogs about the gift of presence in order that we can shine our inner brilliance. She is a heart healer, clarity facilitator and practitioner of presence. She also works a lot with women who are abused.

In particular, I wanted to find out from Joy how she – as a mother to two children – brings presence into her everyday life. As a mother myself, I can understand how difficult it is to stay focused in the moment, especially when there is something go on with the children. Many mothers I know tend to be in a state of worry (please read 25 coping tips for stressed-out mothers here).

Presence is key even whilst we strive to maintain balance across all aspects of our lives. Very importantly, I found myself having to bring even greater presence to matters regarding my two growing children at pivotal points/periods (such as the one that I am going through this year). And so, I thought it would be nice to get more answers on how to live in the moment consciously despite all that is happening on the family front.

Joy and I finally connected a few days ago. To my delight, I found her to be very authentic. It is one thing to read a blog post and quite another, to actually speak and connect with a person. I have been visiting her website for a couple of years now but I managed to get a better feel of her only during the call. It was great to discover Joy Holland as a true luminary – one who embodies the magic of living fully in the moment.

Listen in to the 31-min call below. Joy was on the beach directly outside her home during the call. Hence, you may hear some disturbances from having the recording done outside every now and then. However, I think the call is perfect as it is! Joy Holland has a beautiful voice, one that clearly shines her healing light! Learn more about giving yourself the gift of presence as an act of self-love.

Love and Abundance Always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

P.S. Don’t forget to “like” or “share” this post on social media. It may just help someone who is stressed out right now. Thank you!

Share Your Thoughts and Comments

How do you bring about more presence into your busy lifestyle?

If you are a parent, how do you maintain a level of calm and peace despite the challenges and distractions presented by your children?

“The power of belief, the absolutely awesome incredible power of belief, is the genie in your life. Let me say that again: The absolutely awesome and incredible power of your belief is the genie in your life.” — Eldon TAylor

I have had the pleasure of receiving a copy on I Believe: When What You Believe Matters!, the latest book written by Eldon Taylor, a Hay House Author, for review. It was published a week ago. To be honest, having read many books of the same genre, I was not very excited to get to it initially. However, after picking it up, I have to acknowledge that I found it rather good. I share my thoughts below.

We already know that our beliefs largely create or influence our reality. If we expect to succeed, we are more likely to experience success. Conversely, if we believe that we are going to fail, we are likely to meet with failure. Yet, do we take the trouble to truly examine some of the beliefs that we hold on to? Are these beliefs serving or sabotaging us?

In Eldon Taylor’s book, he provides case studies to affirm the power of beliefs. He tells of miracles via the power of beliefs found in the areas of physical healing, success, and relationships. While there are many other books that offer scientific research leading to the same conclusions, what I enjoy most is the numerous real-life stories that Eldon has shared in his book. It makes for an interesting read.

A Book That Inspires Self-Empowerment and Inner Awareness

One of the most thought-provoking chapters is the one on Law of Attraction. Eldon asks poignantly if just by looking at a vision board guarantees that we can manifest what we want. The answer is an obvious no, because change must first begin with ourselves rather than depend on an external tool.

However, he also questions: just because we can, should we? He points out that it is more meaningful to express our soul gifts for fulfilling our purpose. Perhaps instead of focusing on a specific outcome we want, we could first consider seeking for guidance to do what is in the best for all concerned.

(Eldon won my heart with the two points that he has made: inner change and purpose. These are the elements of what I teach in my 10-step Life Vision Mastery Program. Participants to the program do not just create any vision board but one that meets a congruent heart with purpose.)

Eldon has other chapters that are well-worth a read. These include Chapters 5 on “Who am I” and 9 on “Attached to Unattachment”. He has also got lots of meaningful quotable quotes too. For those who just love quotes, you will find this book highly delectable!

I Believe: When What You Believe Matters! is a book that promotes responsibility. Eldon ends each chapter with a note for reflection, inviting us into greater self-awareness. It is through the discovery process that we give ourselves the chance to let go of old patterns of limited thought. As we free ourselves, we get in touch with authentic truth; thereby creating the space for embracing new beliefs which will bring about a new reality for ourselves. Self-belief is essentially empowerment!

Recommendation

I come away inspired from reading Eldon Taylor’s book. If only we make the choice to believe, we unleash the untapped potential that lay latent on the inside. What we believe matters if we truly care about the outcomes and results we are getting.

In case you are not aware, Eldon Taylor is an award-winning New York Times best-selling author of more than 300 books and audio and video programs. Eldon is also the inventor of the patented InnerTalk technology. He has been called a “master of the mind” and has appeared as an expert witness on both hypnosis and subliminal communication.

Yes, I may have received a free copy of “I believe”. However, I have found it very well written, providing enough thought-provoking ideas for the reader to chew over. For the one who wishes to start the process of inward inquiry, this is a good book to refer to.

All in, I believe is excellent reading for inner work that we can do just before bedtime. Check it out Here – I Believe: When What You Believe Matters!

I believe that you were created with unique gifts and abilities. It’s up to you to develop and employ these special talents. When you do, you discover that you not only deserve to enjoy this world and all of its wonders but that the miracle you participate in called “life” is just that—one truly incredible white crow, not some ordinary thing taken for granted because it’s here every day. Life doesn’t suck, and you don’t just then die—both it and you are truly miracles! – Eldon Taylor

Love and Abundance Always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Share Your Thoughts

Do you believe that your beliefs create or greatly influence your reality? If so, what beliefs have you changed that manifested a more positive outcome for you? Share your thoughts, comments and stories below.

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” – Barbara Kingsolver

(The photo is a cheesecake that my daughter, Hui, baked last year. Needless to say, it was Yummy!!)

Mother’s day is an occasion to celebrate you (assuming you are one) being a mother.

Don’t undermine your role.

As the nurturing caregiver, you are not only the one who makes sure that your children’s basic needs are met but also the one who is the cheerleader to your children’s dreams. You help shape the lives of tomorrow’s leaders.

There may be slip-ups. There may be mistakes. At times, you have felt stressed being a mother.

But that is only because you are also human.

You are the feminine divine in a physical experience.

You are probably very busy, but it will be nice if you can spare a moment to view the video below….it celebrates the magnificence of your divinity….

On the side, I would also like to take the opportunity to honor my mother.

Like many people, I have my own issues in my relationship with my mother.

However, undeniably, it is because of her that I am a better mother to my children today.

What is awesome is that my children have been bridges in strengthening my relationship with her. (Thank you, Mummy, for being there for me when I needed you. I cherish and appreciate you!)

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

Love and blessings,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Share Your Thoughts on Being a Mother Below

As an act of self-love, embrace yourself as a mother. Share your thoughts on being a mother. Also, if you would like, pay a Mother’s Day tribute in the comments below.

“Unconscious people – and many remain unconscious, trapped in their egos throughout their lives – will quickly tell you who they are: their name, their occupation, their personal history, the shape or state of their body, and whatever else they identify with.” – Eckhart Tolle

Someone with signs of narcissism is described as extremely self-centered. His mind is predominantly preoccupied with thoughts of “I, me, myself or mine”. Egoistical, he strives to be in a superior position. What differentiates narcissism from other forms of behavior is sadism. The narcissist tends to disparage and belittle others.

Like many other conditions, narcissism occurs in a spectrum. At its most extreme, it is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This article covers content that pertains to individuals with narcissistic tendencies. For an accurate diagnosis, please consult with a trained mental health professional.

I was speaking to a client the other day. Michelle (pseudonym) has been feeling rather battered by her husband. From her descriptions, it appears that her husband is someone who has narcissistic traits. Of course, her sense of self-worth and self-love were not high to begin with.

Michelle is oppressed by her husband’s dominating behavior. It has taken her some years to see that she is in a toxic relationship. She only realized how unhappy she has been after being married for more than 7 years.

So while I am not a psychotherapist, I thought I would touch on the topic for readers who are in an unhealthy relationship with a guy. My interest is piqued as I suspect that I might have in the past, dated a few guys with an inferiority complex and who could have narcissistic traits too. I did some research to find out the common behavioral patterns.

Your Relationship With a Partner with Narcissist Traits

Without awareness, we may not recognize the signs. A guy with narcissistic tendencies is often very charismatic. You are not able to resist him. He is charming, successful and appears to have it all. At first, we are drawn to his winning “confidence”. He shares wondrous stories about being the hero, savior and knight in shining amour. Lapping up his wily stories, we come away impressed.

What we may not realize is that the narcissist is mostly of empty talk. His stories are grandiose. He desires to appear big. He seeks for approval and needs fans to constantly build him up.

It can be energy-depleting to be near a narcissist for long. Because he puts his needs first, you have to give in all the time. He is great at manipulation. Sometimes, it can feel as if you need to walk on eggshells around him. He throws a fit when he realizes that he is not the center of attention.

Learn to spot signs of narcissism. It helps to be aware of the challenges involved from being in a relationship with someone with such tendencies. So if you are dating one, you need to consider carefully.

It can be hard for anyone else to make the narcissist change his selfish ways, not unless he attains awareness himself. He is not likely to want to work on his issues since he perceives that he is not at fault. Sadly, a narcissist is very good with pushing blame to the people around.

How to Spot A Narcissist

You really want to be lookout on the following narcissistic traits: vain, egoistical and selfish.

Here are 10 warning signs on what the above description translates to:

1. His needs come first. You have to plan your life around his.

2. He takes more than he gives. You now realize that his show of attention on you at one stage was pretense. The honeymoon period did not last very long.

3. He talks about himself all the time. You can barely get a word in about your needs, concerns and ideas.

4. He can be manipulative, abusive and controlling. Your voice is reduced to a whimper around him.

5. He belittles you constantly. Your sense of self-worth has been shredded to pieces repeatedly.

6. He has lack of empathy for others. He is insensitive towards the feelings of his loved ones, including yours.

7. He strives to ensure that his stories of accomplishment are forever etched in your mind. You have heard the same overblown stories that happened years ago, multiple times.

8. He is always in the right. It is as if he can do no or little wrong. Even when he has a part to play, he will make it seem as if you are to blame. He is a world-class wordsmith.

9. He has trouble committing to a relationship. You have to give in to his demands for space; but you have to be on his beck and call.

10. His negative reactions are often excessive in relation to the issue. You are taken aback by his rage and punishing ways towards you.

What to Do Next

A guy with narcissistic traits usually bids his time before he shows his true colors. He knows how to make you feel on top of the world. For a while, you can be deceived into thinking he is your long lost soul mate.

However, once you spot a sign or two as described above, start to make more detailed observations about his behavior. If there are more than three ticks to the above signs, he could be leaning towards narcissistic tendencies. Hence, avoid being in a rush to commit into a relationship. Instead, tune in to your intuition and find out if there is any discomfort that you are experiencing.

If you are already in a relationship with one, you can possibly find it hard to persuade him to go for therapy. By all means, try but don’t get your hopes too high. He is likely to believe that you are the one with the problem, not him. A consideration on how best to handle the relationship and what to do next may become necessary. As mentioned, you may wish to consult professional advice, in cases of trauma.

Under all circumstances, you must not lose self-respect.

Always love yourself and uphold healthy self-esteem.

Definitely, seek assistance if you find that you are stuck or in repeated patterns of unhealthy relationships.

Love and Abundance Always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Related article: How to Handle Toxic Relationships

Share Your Story

Know anyone with narcissistic traits? Do share your thoughts or story about narcissism in the comments below.

“Befriend, don’t battle, cancer.”

“We cannot take a spiritual bypass, especially when we are faced with a challenge of this magnitude.”

“Make more room for the light.”

- Rev Denise DeSimone during the interview call

I would like to introduce to you, Rev Denise DeSimone, author to the book From Stage IV to Center Stage, in today’s post. An interfaith minister, Reiki Master and a sound healer, Denise has had a remarkable journey in that she survived Stage IV throat and neck cancer. She first wrote to me about 2-3 weeks ago as she had come across my posts on self-love.

I was struck by her miraculous story. Denise was originally given only three months to live. To top it all, twenty two months after being warned that she might never sing again, Denise sang to a sell-out of 37,000 Red Sox fans at Boston’s Fenway Park! Her story has been shared on Inside Edition, Fox News, The Buckley Report & NBC’s Daytime Show along with extensive radio interviews across the nation.

Denise approached her cancer differently from most. She not only used alternative therapies but she also discovered the core message that was essential for healing: self-love.

Upon receiving Denise’s email, I took the chance to ask her if she would agree to an interview. I was delighted that she said yes. It was timely. I was already thinking of starting a Self-Love Call Series. For this series, I hope to interview luminaries who can inspire us to love ourselves more deeply in the body, mind and spirit.

Denise and I finally connected a couple of days ago. Denise shared wonderful insights on how she overcame her health challenges, the various alternative therapies that she used for cancer healing and how she is now living life differently since her ordeal. Notwithstanding, I have found that her messages equally relevant whether we are currently undergoing a health challenge or not.

And so, I would like to invite you to listen to the interview chat I have with her below. Denise DeSimone is truly a love luminary, with an aligned purpose to share her light. Hopefully, you can pick up some gems from the 40-minute audio when you listen in. Enjoy!

Much love and blessings,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

P.S. Don’t forget to “like” or “share” this post on social media. It may just help someone who is undergoing a health challenge right now. Thank you!

Share Your Thoughts and Comments

Any thoughts from listening to the call? Has the realization on self-love helped you heal any health challenge in any way? Please share in the comment box below.

Also, would you like to listen to more interview stories? If so, let me know below

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”- Malcolm S. Forbes

Self-esteem is a popular topic area with many personal development experts. After all, it is considered to be the foundation for individual success. Obviously, if you have low self-esteem, it can become hard to achieve much in life. As the experts say, you need to believe that you are worthy of success in order to attract success. Mostly, everyone likes to do business with you if you have a winning attitude, one that reeks of success.

According to Freud, an important part of humanity is the ego. The traditional formula for success is to build the ego so that you increase your sense of self-worth. The danger is that a strong ego can eventually lead to an inflated sense of self. You experience the constant need to prove yourself as superior to others. It is a false sense of self-esteem that you are building, if you ask me.

What Healthy Self-Esteem Is

“Well, we all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of you, not what other people think of you.” – Gloria Gaynor

Which brings us to a situation where it is necessary to strike a balance. We already know that low self-esteem can lead to difficulties with achieving success easily. It causes us to develop an inferiority complex and could also result in some of us putting up with situations of abuse. On the other hand, too high a self-esteem can lead to an exaggerated sense of self with little regard and consideration for the needs of others.

You strike a balance with cultivating healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is about valuing your own worth yet, not to the levels of inflating your ego. Self-esteem is the value that you apply to the self. The beliefs that power self-esteem include “I am deserving”, “I am worthy” and “I am good enough”.

Conveniently, we use external indicators to measure worth. It is after all, what we have been taught to do ever since childhood. We are taught to win at competitions, to be the best and to achieve high scores for boosting self-esteem. However, the use of external indicators is also where the problem lies.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

For instance, you may use the approval of others as the way to value your worthiness. When this happens, your mood can become highly dependent on their opinion of you. Invariably, you give your power away when you allow the opinions of others dictate the level of your happiness with yourself.

Our thoughts and feelings usually fluctuate throughout the day. Then again, self-esteem is more than just a temporary fluctuation. In fact, if you have low self-esteem, any situation that derails your fragile ego is likely to cause a magnified negative emotional impact.

A healthy self-esteem improves your confidence levels. However, self-esteem encompasses more than just confidence. For instance, there was a time when Alice, my friend, was the life of a party. She wanted to be popular and so she put on the face of confidence. It was a mask that served her well while she was in the dating scene. Yet, on the inside, she was feeling terribly insecure, inadequate and would crumble over the slightest criticism.

Then, there is the recent hype created on social media. Some online marketers seem to find validation in numbers. They hoot on their accomplishment of achieving 100,000 or more fans in a month. After all, if they are seen as highly popular in double-quick time, they are likely to attract even more sign-ups. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy….except that, self-esteem built on such numbers is not real.

Different Triggering Situations

Whatever it is, there is no running away from life situations that will continue to show up; highlighting the extent to which we value ourselves. It is particularly so if our major lesson in life is to learn about self-worthiness.

In my case, the root belief of “I am not good enough” gets played out in various life situations.

These are some of the beliefs that I once had….

“I am not good enough to write a book.”

“I am not good enough to be a healer.”

These are beliefs that I am still working on….

“I am not good enough to generate six-figures from my online business.”

“I am not good enough to be a published author with Hay House.”

Of course, it will be great if we can experience a quantum leap in consciousness from a belief of “not being good enough” to “being good enough”. Admittedly, our egos desire the quick-jump, so that it can do away with experiencing pain that sometimes can arise with the presenting situation.

We lost a friend to suicide last year when his self-esteem plummeted to an all-time low. Arch had worked his way up to a senior level. He was good in what he was doing. It would seem that he had it made with an enviable lifestyle. However, what started out as a stroke of bad luck led to a series of unfortunate events. He lost everything – rank, money and career – in the process.

Pride got to him. Arch did not ask for help until his situation got dire. Although we tried to help him pick up the pieces, he could not answer to himself. It was an internal battle that resulted in severe depression. He did not know how he could rebuild his life at the age of 44. In the end, he saw no way out.

In reality, working on any root belief involves a journey that unfolds deeper layers and that allows us to eventually align with our highest potential. It is through experiential learning that we seed the belief firmly in our awareness. Through triggering situations, we work on removing our resistance to believing that we are really worthy.

“People always want to ask me about my drug problem – I never had a drug problem; I had a self-esteem problem!” – Gloria Gaynor

The Foundation of Healthy Self-Esteem

Those on the spiritual quest may be tempted to will their ego away altogether. However, if we are to try to this, we can feel a sense of disconnection. We must remember that we are in a human experience. Thus, the importance of working towards cultivating a healthy balance in self-esteem.

Let us not deny what we truly feel. Building self-esteem helps us feel good about ourselves. We feel good when we accomplish our goals, do well for our projects and make some progress. It is okay to glow and give ourselves a pat on the back.

What is more important is that it is through challenging times that we learn about seeing ourselves as worthy. Life inevitably comes with plenty of setbacks, disappointments and tragedies. The crux is that we value ourselves – no matter what others say, what has happened or whether or not we encountered failure.

Building healthy self-esteem involves mindfulness. We become alert to the ego’s need to attach to an indicator. We are aware of the grasping nature of our ego. No doubt, the journey is an unveiling process. As we shed the layers, we get in touch with our authentic selves more and more.

It is how we become anchored in the awareness that we are truly enough more deeply.

It is also how we align with the consciousness of abundance and connect with our divinity – fully.

“Appreciation and self-love are the most important tools that you could ever nurture. Appreciation of others, and the appreciation of yourself is the closest vibrational match to your Source Energy of anything that we’ve ever witnessed anywhere in the Universe. – Abraham

Love and abundance always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Don’t forget to “like” or “share” this post on social media, if you agree to the importance of creating greater awareness about having healthy self-esteem! Thank you

Share Your Thoughts

Please share your tips and observations about cultivating healthy self-esteem in the comments below.

“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves work miracles in our lives.” – Louis Hay

Today, I would like to introduce you to Tess Vergara, a reader to this site. She bought my Self-Love Secrets: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally some time ago. Here are some of the things she wrote in various comments and emails…..

“I was actually looking at it today and smiling at the notes I made along the margin. Thank God that difficult part of my life is over and life is good again.”

“Thanks Evelyn! You are my baby step to my quest for peace and happiness. I just want to thank you for the inspiration, guidance and knowledge you have given me in the past year or so. You kept my wheels turning, tha’ts for sure! Thanks for being in my life at just the right time. More power to you!”

Since then, Tess is also inspired to share her self-love story with others. (Amazing!! I just love the power of the internet with sharing positive messages!) Tess has given me the permission to republish it…

“Hi Evelyn, I don’t have a blog page, but if you like this, I would be so honored to be published on your blog. Again, thank you for your inspiration. You introduced self love to me when I was feeling confused and unloved.”

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Self-Care, Self-Worth, Self-Love
Republished from Tess Vergara’s Facebook Page: Silence the Mind, Free the Heart

I can’t remember the exact time when I decided that my own needs were not important.

Was it when my ex-husband challenged me? That I would never be a good mom?

Or was it my own unmet needs as a child that made sure I sacrificed everything just to give my kids what I never had?

I have no regrets.

The 15 years I was a single mom pushed me beyond my limits to care and provide for my 2 beautiful girls. I learned and tested new strengths and skills and developed an unwavering determination that defines me. I love and thrive being a mom. I am just confuddled how over time my role as my kids’ sole caretaker became the measure of my self-worth. I guess it was not difficult to sacrifice myself, after all there’s this voice in my head that says it is selfish to think of myself first when I have 2 young kids to raise. I was rigid and unforgiving when it came to my fulfilling my responsibilities as a Mom.

It took a ski accident in December 2009 for me to slow down and start taking care of me. Even then, even when I knew I was doing the right thing, I was a ball of confusion, guilt and anxiety. I was both my advocate and worst critic. I would go out and have fun and then come home and beat myself up with guilt and shame.

Why was that?

Was that the exhaustion talking?

Or some deep conditioning pointing finger at me calling me SELFISH and irresponsible?

I found myself encouraging many women to take care of themselves. Yet, I would regress when I felt I was being judged by others. I so wanted and needed others to say, you ought to take care of yourself too. It seemed all I heard were criticism… some voices were real… some were my own… And hard as I try to drown those voices, sadness loomed over… I just needed appreciation so badly.

I realize after months of self-examination that the very source of my sadness is my own devalued sense of worth. I found my purpose when I became a mom, and when they started showing independence, which is great, I was faced with a major identity crisis. I was lost and felt I had no purpose. Alone, I carried all the weight on my shoulder, hardly complaining and sharing. Just suck it up and toughen up.

Another deep conditioning I am working on. I need to stop assuming people don’t care coz if they did, they SHOULD have already known I needed help. I am correcting that and gaining confidence each day in learning to actually speak up and communicate my wants, needs and expectations. Things are much better now but I needed a major overhaul. I got tired of being strong all the time. I am finding that years and years of self-neglect became habitual and now difficult to break. It is taking all my willpower to once again develop healthy habits, one thought at a time.

All of my life’s decisions and choices were conscious and deliberate, and I take ownership and pride in all of them. Let me take it back, I do have one regret. I do regret putting my own needs aside. And by doing so, it sent constant and consistent messages to my subconscious that I don’t matter. I really wish somebody sat me down and said you need to take care better care of yourself.

I know. You’re right. I can be belligerent when being told. It’s very liberating tho… to finally see where I made the mistake. I don’t miss the resentment, heartache and anger that used to constrict my breathing. Self-care is NOT SELFISH. The feeling of being responsible all the time is exhausting and depleting that left me feeling resentful, sad, unappreciated, unloved… I LOVE feeling nourished and alive and vibrant… There is nothing like it.

And even though part of me regrets not taking care of myself better, I accept myself wholly, fully and unconditionally. I forgive myself and will strive to put myself first, now and always, and will continue to actively advocate for other women to do the same.

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My thoughts: I enjoyed reading Tess’s story. I can totally relate to how easy it is to neglect our own needs, when we start having children. I was “guilty” of the same as well. Although I still put the needs of my children as high up in my priority, I now make it a point to love and care for my own too. (Read my 25 self-love tips for stressed out mothers!)

It is because of my own journey and being able to see the missing pieces, that I have blessed to appreciate and know the meaning of self-love. I have since been inspired to bring greater awareness to everyone around. And so, I am always very happy when readers like Tess Vergara, write to me about their experiences after realizing what their core issue is. After all, Self-Love Secrets was written at the point when I have received 1,000 of such emails over two years ago.

Thank you, Tess, for giving me the permission to share your story here. Thank you for being inspired to now become a love luminary for others too You have certainly inspired me further to continue with this work!

Do you have a self-love story to share on this blog yourself? Write to me at abundancetapestry [at] gmail.com. I will be thrilled to hear from you

Love and abundance always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

“The greater the feeling of inferiority that has been experienced, the more powerful is the urge to conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation.” – Alfred Adler

An inferiority complex is a state whereby you persistently believe and feel that you are not able to measure up to others. It is a sign of low self-esteem. The thought behind an inferiority complex is “I am not good enough”.

At least 95% of people have at one point or another encounter thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. However, you are said to have an inferiority complex should you constantly compare yourself with others. You see yourself as being in second place or falling short. Consequently, you feel poorly about yourself.

Root Belief: I am Not Good Enough

Most of us are not always so confident about ourselves. In fact, I will consider having a level of uncertainty as “normal”. We can then be motivated to make a change or improve on the areas that we are weaker in. However, the call to make a change should really be something that goes on internally. This is opposed to zealous attempts to win due to the fear of losing out.

There could also be situations whereby we feel that we lack practice, are not as well prepared or not as academically smart as someone else. Our self-doubt does not qualify as an inferiority complex unless we have deep-rooted beliefs about not being good or worthy enough. Where we are driven by our subconscious fears, we can undertake actions or behavior that undermine our wellness.

Despite having zapped many of my limiting beliefs, I still encounter situations, whereby I feel inadequate or not quite up to par. On reflection, I understand that the impetus to compare is an instinct for survival. And it is the ego that has this impetus.

The ego thrives only when it is superior. It needs to compensate with superiority from feelings of inferiority. We get to hear its pesky voice in our head, “not good enough”. In fact, I hear the same voice whenever I am working on writing a new book. When it strikes, I will invariably start to hyperventilate from thoughts of not being good enough as compared to more established authors.

I recall a time when I would also drive my husband crazy with my neurotic behavior; swinging from a hopeful “I am convinced that I have got something to share with this book” to a gloomy “I am just not good enough to write it”. My mind would go on an overdrive. I would be taunted by fears of public rejection, shame and humiliation. Of course, these fears were mostly psychological.

If I were not aware enough, I would have allowed these pangs of insecurity to prevent me from putting out books or any work. I acknowledge that if the same situation were to happen 10 years ago, I believe that I would not be able to write a word for any book at all. I would have been paralyzed into inaction, due to having a serious case of inferiority complex back then.

Signs of Inferiority Complex

What is key is awareness. We shine light into our shadows to dissipate the dark. What is important is to bring awareness on what constitutes as signs of inadequacy.

1. Heightened Sensitivity to Other People’s Opinions. Are you highly sensitive to what others think and say about you? Do you immediately feel small whenever there is a critical comment about you? Don’t feel confident about yourself?

You often take it to heart what others say. You crumble at the slightest remark about yourself. The alarm bells inside your head go ringing, “You are not good enough”.

2. Social Withdrawal. You dislike being in a crowd because you cannot get rid of the sneaking suspicion that you are not as good as others. You would rather not have others find out the truth about how lousy or insecure you are. You hate any forms of comparison, which could be inevitable if you belong to some kind of a group. You prefer to be left on your own.

3. Fault Finding. You have a trained eye in picking up the faults or imperfections about others. Since you do not already feel good about yourself, you may as well cause others to feel poorly too. Thus, no one in your mind can be superior. In other words, you need to make others feel small so that you can look bigger.

4. Place Own Needs Last. Having an inferiority complex can cause you to put your own needs last. You try to brush them aside. However, you are really wallowing in feelings of unworthiness. Over a long time, you start to accumulate anger.

5. Crave For Flattery. Compliments make you glow with pride. However, when you have an inferiority complex, you are dependent on flattery. You go all out to be nice to everyone, so that you can receive validation. Validation makes you feel good about yourself. Your ego gets hugely inflated.

6. Performance Anxiety. You just hate competition. You don’t like to lose. Losing makes you feel like a failure. You find it hard to get over being second place. Every time you need to perform, you sweat profusely.

7. Procrastination. You cannot seem to get motivated. There is a reason why you are not able to get off the couch. The root belief is that no matter how much you try, you are never going to be good enough. And so you are feeling very unmotivated to get going.

Inferiority Complex: A Case of Perception

Mostly, inferiority complex arises from your perception; rather than what is actually the case. You draw conclusions based on your evaluation of experiences. Very often enough, these evaluations are not facts and likely to be distorted.

Self-doubt plagues you when you have an inferiority complex. Misery sets in. You are likely to undertake compensating behavior so that you can psychologically make up for the difference. Taken to the extreme, an inferiority complex can drive anyone to depression, isolation and suicide.

Fortunately, it is possible to overcome inferiority complex sufficiently to experience greater freedom, happiness and peace. We begin by becoming aware of the belief that is behind our emotional disruptions and outward behavior. We let go of the thought of “not being good enough” to knowing ourselves as being enough.

Love and Abundance Always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Don’t forget to “like” or “share” this post on social media, if you agree to the importance of creating greater awareness about having healthy self-esteem!

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Share your observations about inferiority complex in the comments below.

“The first time around as a mom, I held on really tight and I was so stressed.” – Bridgette Wilson

As mothers, we have multiple tasks to fulfill such as disciplining the children, supervising their homework, and making sure their needs are met. We may also need to handle domestic chores, face our bosses and clients, as well as mange the household finance. It is no wonder that many mothers experience overwhelm. And should the relationships with our spouse be difficult, stress can hit a high.

Where is the Stress Coming From?

Being a mother myself, I know that stress is something that I have to learn to overcome. While my children have brought me tremendous joy, bringing them up has certainly not been a walk in the park. The greatest source of stress comes from trying to meet the demanding educational standards here in Singapore.

I have had little idea how pressurizing the curriculum can be, until my children started formal education. We realized that standards have become a lot more since the days when we were in school. A lot of what I learned at higher levels is now taught at the primary levels. I am now called to help my children solve difficult Mathematical problem sums or plan creative compositions, that I never had to do at the same age. There have been a number of times when we scrambled to support our children with their schoolwork or projects late into the nights.

Many mothers I know plan their lives around their children. As the family chauffeur, they spend a great deal of their time ferrying their children from one tuition class to another after school. When the children get home, they would also personally supervise their homework in-between managing household chores.

By default, there is little time left for communication with their spouses. This is not healthy. A couple of years later, the cracks can get so big that it is hard to salvage the relationship. Marriage is something that needs work, commitment, patience and understanding. Things cannot be expect to be well and good when both do not allocate sufficient attention for cultivating a healthy bond such as ironing out differences and ways of doing things. Unresolved anger can build up over time, thereby increasing stress levels.

And if you are like me, you have to deal with managing tasks related to online entrepreneurship in the transformational field too.

Overcome Stress with Self-Love

As I found out, self-love can help us combat stress. Our natural tendency is to put the needs of everyone else first. We place our own needs last. Life then becomes a race to meet time demands and societal expectations. It is hard to function in love and wellness when we are constantly feeling stressed out.

While we are capable of handling a certain level of stress, extreme fatigue can set in when we run on an emergency mode for a prolonged period of time. Thus, our immune system reduces, which can subsequently manifest in an illness or disease. A regular dose of self-love can help prevent dire consequences from happening.

So here are 25 ideas or ways that you can embrace yourself:

1. Pamper yourself with a holiday or retreat every once in a while.

2. Take up self-help courses.

3. Engage in self-love meditation.

5. Set aside time to do something creative such as paint, draw or scrapbook.

6. Take a break and make a cup of relaxing herbal tea. Learn the art of drinking tea here.

7. Adjust your expectations with the 80/20 rule.

8. Allocate me-time on a regular basis.

9. Read a great book, such as “Self-Love Secrets: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally” or “You Can Heal Your Life”.

10. Connect with nature.

11. Meet up other mothers for tea.

12. Shield yourself with a sphere of soft pink energy.

13. Get a babysitter or hire some help.

14. Swim for relaxation.

15. Dance for relaxation.

16. Listen in to audios by Louis Hay or other teachers like Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra.

17. Go for a walk on the beach.

18. Assign some jobs or divide the tasks between you and your spouse.

19. Do some emotional clearing work.

20. Create a to-do list.

21. Create a “never-to-do” list. This should weed out all unnecessary tasks and avoid getting distracted.

22. Engage in positive self-talk or affirmations.

23. Take your time to soak in an aromatherapy hot bath.

24. Learn to say “no” to demands that deplete your energy.

25. Go for healing sessions such as Reiki, Quantum Touch, Angelic or Crystal Healing.

Not giving self-love any importance can result in energy leakage. You are tired and feel irritable all the time.

When you take the time and space for self-love, you will find that you have more to give. Your reserves go up. You are less likely to flare up in anger when your children repeatedly break rules or behave poorly. You will have more energy to improve on your relationship with your spouse. Thus, you are more likely to respond with more love and care to the most important people in your life.

Self-love is an investment in your internal well-being, with tremendous external pay-offs!

Love and abundance always,

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Share a Tip

Are you a mother? Do share your most favorite tip that can help combat stress.

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