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Baik, Buruk, Parah

2007-11-27T01:40:00.002+08:00

Dalam hidup selalu ada perkara yang dinilai baik, buruk dan parah.
Berikut beberapa contohnya.

Baik: Isteri Anda mengandung.
Buruk: Anak Anda kembar lima.
Parah: Padahal Anda sudah menjalani vasektomi tiga tahun lalu.

Baik: Anak lelaki Anda mulai dewasa.
Buruk: Dia menjalin hubungan dengan perempuan sebelah rumah.
Parah: Anda juga.

Baik: Anak lelaki Anda mulai lebih banyak menghabiskan waktunya belajar di dalam biliknya.
Buruk: Anda menemukan beberapa kaset video porno di biliknya.
Parah: Anda ada di dalam salah satu episod.

Baik: Anak perempuan Anda mendapat pekerjaan.
Buruk: Sebagai pelacur.
Parah: Pelanggan utamanya pembantu Anda, tapi pendapatan anak perempuan Anda lebih tinggi dari Anda.

Apek Kubor

2007-11-27T01:40:00.001+08:00

Ali dan Abu baru saja balik dari mengaji di masjid yang berdekatan dengan kampungnya. Dalam perjalanan balik dari masjid itu, nak dijadikan cerita mereka berdua melalui dengan kubur cina. Mereka berdua bersa seram sejuk Beberapa saat selepas itu, mereka berdua terdengar bunyi orang sedang mengetuk batu. Mereka merasa semakin seram. Kemudian, mereka ternampak kelibat seorang lelaki tua di perkuburan itu.Mereka pun lega.Mereka menanya apek itu dan berkata "Apek,apa lu buat sini malam2" dan apek itu berkata "Haiya,itu orang salah tulis gua punya nama lo".

The Soldier Who Doesnt Want To Go To Iraq

2007-11-27T01:38:00.001+08:00

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hideunder your skirt. I'll explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, have you seen a soldier?

"He went that way", the nun answered

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said, "I understand completely."

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either."

Worries while flying

2007-11-27T01:36:00.000+08:00

Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left.

However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine.

However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”

The philosophy exam

2007-11-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words:

"What chair.??"

2 cara menguruskan badan

2007-11-27T01:31:00.001+08:00

Seorang mamat yang gemuk masuk ke fitness center utk menguruskan badan.. seorg lelaki di kaunter bertanya kepada mamat tadi,"kami menawarkan 2 program disini... RM50 utk versi 'biasa' dan RM100 utk versi 'cepat'."

mamat tu pon berkata, "saya ingat yang biasa lah sbb saya ni baru nak try kuruskan badan."

" ok, encik sila masuk ke bilik no.5 di penjuru bilik sana," jawab penjaga kaunter.

mamat tadi pon masuk la ke bilik itu dan menutupnya. selang 2 minit kemudian, seorang wanita cantik, lawa, body best, mantap masuk ke dalam bilik itu. dia kemudian menanggalkan pakaiannya sehingga menyebabkan mamat tu tak senang duduk,berpeluh.
perempuan tadi berkata, "kalu tuan dapat tangkap saya, tuan boleh buat apa saja dgn saya... hikhikhikk" dan dia terus berlari dalam bilik itu. mamat tadi pun kejar la.. kejar punya kejar samapai 10 minit pon tak dapat lagi. tapi mamat tu kejar lagi sampai terjatuh terjelepok lalu pengsan.

apabila dia sedar, dia bangun dan terus ke penimbang dan mendapati beratnya dah turun 3 kg. " wow.. mmg senang nk turun berat bdn,.. memang berbaloi aku bayar RM50 td" katanya seorang diri.

keesokkan harinya dia datang semula ke tmpt tersebut. dia ditegur oleh pemuda di kaunter. setelah diberi penerangan seperti semalam.. mamat tadi memilih utk mencuba versi 'cepat' pula.

"baiklah, encik masuk bilik no. 6 di situ ya.."kata penjaga kaunter.

setelah beberapa minit didalam bilik itu, datangla seorang body builder yang badannya tough dan terus melondehkan pakainnya. body builder itu berkata "saya akan kejar kamu dalam bilik ini, dan kalu saya dapat ... ... hehhehheee"

Fun things to do at Drive Thru

2007-11-27T01:29:00.001+08:00

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

Juara World Counter Strike Championship

2007-11-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

GIla Mat Lawak Gila

2007-11-26T18:26:00.000+08:00

cuba tengok vids nie

Ubat

[B]Geli Mat[/B]
[url=http://s187.photobucket.com/player.swf?refURL=/&file=http://vid187.photobucket.com/albums/x236/mansonaresatan/YouTube-MBBGeliMat.flv&fs=1&os=1&ap=1]fullscreen mode[/url]

[B]Telur-Telur[/B]

[B]Gaban[/B]

[B]Babak Sedih drp The Legend of Condor Hero[/B]

[B]Lagu Duet Korea[/B]

Budak Yang Bijak Bestari

2007-11-25T01:20:00.002+08:00

Dua pelajar Kolej Perubatan bersiar siar kat bandar. Mereka
terserempak dengan seorang tua jalan terkangkang-kangkang.

Pelajar A kata "Orang tua tu tentu mengidap Sindrom Petry"
Pelajar B pulak kata " Tak lah, dia mengidap Sindrom Zovitzki"

Mereka hampir bergaduh pasal hal ni. Akhirnya pelajar A kata "Apa kata
kita tanya je orang tua tu?"

Pelajar B pun setuju. Mereka pun menghampiri orang tua itu.
Pelajar A: Kami tengok pak cik jalan terkangkang, boleh kami tahu pak
cik mengidap penyakit apa?

Orang Tua: Kamu fikir aku ada penyakit apa?
Pelajar A: Saya fikir pak cik mengidap sindrom petry.
Orang Tua: Emm... bukan.
Pelajar B: Kalau macam tu, pak cik mesti mengidap sindrom Zovitzki.
Orang Tua: ...pun bukan.
Pelajar A: Habis tu?

Orang Tua: Emm, sebenarnya aku nak kentut tadi... tapi terberak pulak
dalam seluar... sebab tu la aku jalan terkangkang....

Saja

2007-11-25T01:20:00.001+08:00

Staff : "Selamat pagi, Telekom. Saya xyz sedia membantu."

User : "Selamat pagi, I want to report a faulty phone line."

Staff : "Can I have the number of that line please?"

User : "Sure... 4012xxxx."

Staff : *Check* *check* "Hmm... The line is a Streamyx line?"

User : "That's right!"

Staff : "Now, in order for us to work on your problem more efficiently, we
need your Streamyx login name and password."

User : "Are you sure? Do you really need my password?"

Staff : "Yup, we need your password. We are instructed to request for your
password."

User : "Oh well, I hope you won't misuse it."

Staff : "Don't worry, we are not going to misuse it."

User : "Okay, the password is capital t, e, l, e, k, o, m, capital m, a, n,
y, a, k, capital b, o, d, o and h."

Staff : "What? You must be joking. Your password is TelekomManyakBodoh?"

User : "Yup, since my friend told me you will ask for it, I changed it just
before I call you."

Doughnut Lover

2007-11-25T01:18:00.001+08:00

A delivery man whose route took him by a doughnut shop everyday always stopped in for some doughnuts. During a yearly physical his doctor told him he must go on a diet and give up all fattening foods. For days he passed by the doughnut shop without stopping for his much loved doughnuts. One day, as he was getting ready to head home from his job, a fellow worker asked him how he was managing without his daily doughnuts. He replied, “Well, I’ve been doing pretty good so far but today I was really craving some. I said to myself that if I passed by the shop and there was no parking space immediately in front of it I would not stop and, sure enough, six times around the block there it was.”

Hampas

2007-11-25T01:17:00.000+08:00

Tersebut al-kisah 2 insan bercinta... yg laki tu nama Razak, yg pompuan tu nama Fatimah. Razak ni panggil fatimah ni sebagai 'imah' je (nak kasi nampak manje le tuh). imah ni lak panggil razak ni 'abang' je cos diorang ni dah close, lagi pun razak ni lagi tua drpd imah 4 tahun. Entah macam mana, diorang ni kena berpisah dlm jangka masa 3 tahun. Razak tu kena gi UK . lama gak tuh... Imah ni kesepian le kat malaysia.

Since dah pisah lama gak.. then imah boring dok umah sorang ...Ada lak mamat yg bernama kamarul dtg jumpa imah. mula2 imah dgn kamarul ni kawan je, kamarul ajak gi shopping, gi makan satay kajang, gi bowling. Entah macam mana, hati imah ni dah terpaut lak kat kamarul nih... maka hilang la bayang2 razak drpd hati imah..

Setelah genap 3 tahun.. razak pun pulang ke mesia. Beria2 le mamat nih nak jumpa imah. belum sempat nak call imah, razak ternampak imah dgn kamarul tengah date kat tengah2 town. Maka berderai le jiwa raga razak.. sedih je mamat tuh... tak lalu makan. at the same time.. imah dok jalan2... sembang le dgn kawan2 dia.. ntah camna dia dpt tahu kamarul
tu laki org. imah pun peras..cuba nak kembali kepada razak. Masa tu dia lom tau lagi razak ni dah balik malaysia.

Razak pun memberanikan diri dia... jumpa imah. dia gi le rumah imah. muka razak masam je.. imah tanya le apasal masam. razak cakap.."susah lah.. aku dah tau apa yang ko buat masa sepeninggalanku" imah terperanjat... "err bila masa lak nih.. aku setia apa..." kata imah razak berkata... tersedu2.. " Aku sudah tau perhubunganmu dgn dgn kamarul
..." imah terdiam... "tamat lah hubungan kita disini sahaja ..." tambah razak. Razak amik gitar kapuk yg dibeli drpd UK tu...seraya berkata " dengarlah lagu ini..., khas untuk mu..." razak start nyanyi sambil menatap wajah sedih imah yg sedang menangis...

I can tell by your eyes
That you've probably been crying forever
And the stars in the sky
Don't mean nothing to you
They're a mirror
I don't wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won't you listen
To my heart, ohhh, my heart

imah terdiam... masih menangis....razak sambung...

If I stand all alone
Will the shadows hide the colours of my heart
Blue for the fears
Black for the night's fears
The stars in the sky
Don't mean nothing to you
They're a mirror

I don't wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won't you listen
To my heart, ohhh, my heart

"suara razak terus mendayu2....

"My heart, oh my heart, this old heart........."
"I don't wanna to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
But if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen
to my heart, oh, my heart? My heart, oh, my heart!"

razak ulangi phrase yg sama....imah terdiam...walaupun air mata masih mengalir...

"My heart, oh my heart, this old heart........."
"I don't wanna to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
But if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, oh, my heart?
My heart, oh, my heart!"

setelah tamat lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh razak untuk imah itu... tiba2 mulut imah berkata ... " abang, imah nak beritahu abang sesuatu" "katakan lah duhai imah" jawap razak dengan suara perlahan... " err... err..." kata imah dlm keadaan bersalah..."katakan lah .. katakan lah imah.. abang sanggup terima..." tambah razak...perlahan2.. imah berkata

"abang..."
"sebenarnya... imah tak paham bahasa Omputeh..."

honkkkkkkkkkkkkk.. honkkk.. honkkk..

Don't Let Me Be Late

2007-11-25T01:16:00.001+08:00

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Math class. As she ran she prayed; “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray; “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late... but please don’t shove me either!”

Don't Stop

2007-11-25T01:15:00.001+08:00

A mother told her daughter; “If someone sexually harasses you by touching your top part, you must shout “DON’T!” Touching your low part you must shout “STOP!” Next day, the daughter came back crying home and told her mother she was sexually harassed. The mother was so angry and asked her why? “What happened to you my baby?” “It was terrible mother ...sob... ...I was in the elevator when he came in. And there were just the two of us. Then he touched my top so I shouted DON’T!” “That is good,” the mother commented. “Then he touched my bottom and I shouted again STOP!” the girl said wiping her tears. “What happened then did he tried to touch you again?” the concerned mother asked. “He then touched my top and bottom at the same time and I told him “DON’T STOP!” The mother fainted.

MORAL: Teach properly...

Buat Gua Takut

2007-11-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

Minggu lepas masa gua bawak teksi. Kira-kira dekat-dekat pukul 12 mlm ada satu anak dara sudah tahan gua punya taksi. Dekat kawasan Chinese Garden. Dia mintak gua antar dia pergi satu tempat...alamak berdiri bulu roma gua mau cakap....lu paham sua... Lepas gua antar dia kat situ,lekas-lekas gua belah. Gua terus berdesut tuju ke Jalan Bahar. Bila gua tengah berdesut, tiba-tiba gua terdengar ada suara budak menanggis kat belakang seat teksi gua. Macam siak, bergigil kaki gua siul.... Gua tak berani mau toleh belakang, gua terus berdesut. Itu bunyi tiba-tiba senyap. Kejap lagi dia menanggis lagi. Gua terus berhenti dekat satu tiang lampu...gua pun beranikan diri tenggok belakang. Bila gua tengok belakang...gua punya terperanjat bila gua nampak.....

hhhmmm...

bunyi suara budak kecik nanggis tu datang dari handphone si minah itu. Dia punya ringtone dah... Yahoooooo!!! Aku dpt handphone free, bukan hantuuuu...!!!!

Soal Jawab Bangang

2007-11-25T01:12:00.002+08:00

1. Anda berada di stesen bas dan rakan anda ternampak sambil bertanya:
"Tunggu bas ke?"
Anda harus menjawab:
"Taklah aku tengah tunggu helikopter, lambat pulak hari nie ye"

2. Anda hendak pergi ke bilik mandi untuk mandi dan rakan sebilik anda bertanyer:
"Kao nak mandi ke ?"
Jawab: "Taklah aku nak pi main layang-layang kejap, kao nak join?"

3. Anda sedang menulis surat dan rakan anda menegur:
"Aik? Tulis surat nampak?"
Jawab: "Oh ye ke? Aku tak prasan ah... tangan aku bergerak sendiri"
Lepas tu jotos dia dgn jotosan yg berpower lagik brutal dan sambung
"ah tu kan dia jln sendiri, aku tak tahu tau"

4. Anda sedang makan nasik dan orang tegur:
"Makan nasik?"
Jawab: " Mater kao buter ke per? Kan aku tengah minum teh ais nie?"

5. Anda baru pulang dari kerja dan jiran anda bertanyer:
"Baru balek dari keje?"
Jawab: "Taklah, saya dari rumah, nak pi kerjer lah nie... opis saya dah pindah kat rumah.. dan rumah saya dah pindah pat opis"

6. Anda sedang sibuk buat kerja dan rakan sepejabat menegur:
"Eh kau sibuk ke?"
Jawab : Takyah jawab, peratikan muker dia pastu kompang siket pipi dia.

7. Anda sedang menonton tv ceriter melayu, rakan anda datang lalu bertanyer:
"Eh citer melayu ke?"
Jawab: "Bukanlah, nie kan citer Otromen Toro menentang Raksaser dari
Planet X... kao tunggu jap nanti otromen kuar".

Perkara Paling Cepat Berlaku

2007-11-25T01:12:00.001+08:00

Jusoh telah diamanahkan supaya memilih dari calon2 yg memohon utk mengisi jawatan yg telah ditawarkan. Setelah menyusundan mencari dari biodata2 yg diterima, dia dapati ada 4 pemohon lelaki yg sama dari segala segi kelayakan mereka.

Jusoh kemudiannya memutuskan utk memanggil kesemua 4 pemohon tersebut utk bersemuka. Dia merancang utk menanya satu soalan yg akan menentukan siapa sebenarnya yg lebih layak utk jawatan tersebut.

Harinya pun tiba. Sebaik saja keempat2 lelaki tersebut mengambil tempat duduk masing2 dlm bilik temuduga, Jusoh terus bertanya,

"Beritahu saya, apakah perkara yg paling cepat sekali berlakunya?" sambil menunding jarinya kepada lelaki yg pertama.

Lelaki pertama dgn penuh keyakinan menjawab, "Fikir. Ia muncul tiba2 dalam kepala. Tiada amaran awal ttg kehadirannya. Fikir adalah kejadian yg paling pantas yg saya tau".

"Itu sudah bagus!" Jawab Jusoh. "Apa pendapat awak pula?" dia bertanya pada lelaki yg kedua.
"Hmm... ok... Kelip Mata! Ia berlaku tanpa kita sedar pun. Itulah yg terpantas sekali berlakunya".

"Tepat!, Sekelip Mata.. selalu digunakan utk menyatakan kecepatan pergerakan sesuatu" sambut Jusoh. Dia kemudiannya berpaling kpd lelaki ke3 yg terus memberikan jawapannya.

"Apabila suiz lampu di'ON' kita akan dapati lampu segera mengeluarkan cahayanya tanpa lengah walau sedetikpun. Pergerakan cahaya itulah yg tercepat dan terpantas yg saya tahu".

Jusoh amat terpikat dgn jawapan yg diberikan, dalam fikirannya tertera inilah org yg dia cari. Walaubagaimanapun, dia berpaling kpd lelaki ke4
lalu mengajukan soalan yang sama.

"Setelah mendengar ketiga2 jawapan tadi, nyatalah
kpd saya iaitu perkara yg paling pantas sekali berlakunya adalah 'berak cair'.

"APA?!" Terperanjat Jusoh dgn jawapan yg diberikan.

"Oh biar saya jelaskan" kata lelaki ke4 itu, "ceritanya begini, suatu hari saya merasa kurang selesa lalu saya terus berlari ke tandas. Tapi, sebelum sempat saya berfikir, belum sempat saya berkelip mata pun dan belum sempat saya 'ON' suis lampu tandas tu, saya sudah terberak cair dalam seluar saya."

13 Stress Reliever

2007-11-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

Stress Reliever .. 1

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why ?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 4

Wife to husband: " What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: " Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: " What ? At 2 am ? "
Husband to wife: " Yes, We used night clubs."
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 5

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 6

Father to son after exam: " Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 7

" How was your blind date ? " a college student asked her roommate.
" Terrible ! " the roommate answered. " He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce".
" Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that ? "
"He was the original owner."
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 8

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: " I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: " Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her ? "
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 9

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 10

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 11

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ? "
Wife replied: " Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others !"
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 12

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."
__________________________________________

Stress Reliever .. 13

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."

Uji Kepintaran

2007-11-25T01:09:00.001+08:00

Seorang Guru ingin mengetahui sejauh mana kepintaran murid-muridnya. Dia bertanya satu soalan kepada seorang murid perempuan.

Guru : Bila kamu bertemu penjahat yang ingin memperkosa kamu, apa yang akan kamu lakukan?

Murid: Saya akan menaikkan skirt saya tinggi-tinggi!

Guru : HAH ! (terperanjat), lepas tu awak buat apa?

Murid: Saya akan suruh penjahat tu buka seluarnya.

Guru : Habis tu apa yang ..................(terdiam dan mula khuatir)

Jeng! Jeng! Jeng!

Murid : Lepas tu, saya akan lari. Saya dapat lari laju jika skirt saya diangkat, sedangkan penjahat itu susah nak kejar sebab seluarnya tersangkut di kaki ketika dilucutkan...

sorry.. klau citer nie dh ade.. tongue.gif

Kisah Milah & Dolah 5/5

2007-11-25T01:08:00.000+08:00

Al kisah berlakunya cerita di sebuah kampung nun diutara kedah.Disitu tinggAllah dua keluarga yang satu tu janda beranak Satu. Anaknya pompuan
bernama Milah dan yang satu lagi tu duda beranak satu jugak. Tapi anak dia ni lelaki yang diberi nama Dollah. Setelah dari kecik hingga ke besar
dorang berdua tu berkawan, maka mak dengan bapak kedua-dua belah pihak telah setuju untuk mengahwinkan dorang ni.

Maka berpesanlah mak si milah kepada anaknya...
"Milah....bila hang kahwin nanti...bila time malam pertama Tu hang hati-hati sikit sebab mak dengaq maknya si Dollah tu dulu mati sebab Bapak dia punya sebesaq kepala lutut...So..mak takut gak kot-kot la si Dollah tu nurun ikut pak dia"

Maka si milah pun ngangguk laaa. Dalam pada tu jugak..bapaknya si Dollah tu pun tak lupa bagi peringatan pada anak dia..Dia pun pesan la kat Dollah...."Dollah......bila hang kawin ngan Milah nanti...time malam pertama tuh hang kena jaga-jaga sikit...bukan pasai apa...pak dengaq pak nya si Milah tu dulu mati sebab mak dia punya bergigi. Takut-takut lak si Milah tu nurun mak dia. Terkejut beruk si Dollah..Anyway...Dollah pun ahah je la...

Diringkaskan cerita......kawin la Milah ngan Dolah.Time malam nak tidur pun tiba... Duk..dak..duk...dak...kedua pengantin tu bila lampu
dah padam...ye la...teringatkan pesanan mak ngan bapak dorang. Tapi diaorang buat-buat cool je.....
macam tak de apa-apa. Masa tidur tu Milah pakai baju tidur yg paling seksi sekali pernah dibelinya. Jarang habih..... Dolah pun apa lagi..terliuq la...tapi
bila cuba nak bukak step je..dia teringat pesanan bapak dia. Dolah pun dapat idea nak hulur lutut dia...kot-kot la betul bergigi si milah punya... selamat sikit...Si Milah pun dapat idea jugak nak sua mulut dia...ye la.. kot-kot betul besaq kepala lutut...selamat sikit sebab dia boleh gigit.Bila bertemu je gigi si Milah ngan lutut si Dollah...apalagi...dua-dua terkejut beruk lagi..Dollah terus lari balik rumah dia bagi tau bapak dia..."Pakkk....betulla si Milah punya bergigi pakkk".Si Milah pun cam tu gak...balik habaq kat mak dia. Tapi pak si Dollah tak puas hati . Diaorang pun pi rumah Milah nak buat spot check.Masa tu Milah tengah mandi. Dollah ngan bapaknya pun terus je tolak pintu bilik air si Milah.
Apalagi...terkejut la si Milah yg tengah mandi telanjang tu...dengan tak berlengah lagi dia terus je capai pokok kangkong yg hidup subuq kat longkang bilik air dia tuh untuk tutup anu dia..... Bapak Dollah pun.... bila nampak je...apalagi.....terus Jerit......."HAH!! TU DIA.....MAKAN KANGKONG PULAK DAH!!!!! "

Malaysian Hell

2007-11-25T01:06:00.001+08:00

A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country.
He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the
day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He
discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very
long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do
here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the
day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there
so many people waiting to get in?
"Because maintance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former
Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."

Oh Anakku

2007-11-25T01:05:00.001+08:00

Suatu hari seorang ibu hairan apabila anaknya pulang awal dari sekolah tidak seperti biasa

Ibu : "Adli kenapa kamu pulang awal hari ini sedangkan jam baru pukul 10.00 pagi.."

Adli : "oo.. tadi Adli boleh jawab soalan cikgu adli dengan tepat.. lalu disuruh pulang..."

Ibu : "Oooo... bagus.. pandai anak ibu... apa soalan dari cikgu kamu itu?"

Adli : "Cikgu tanya... SIAPA YANG MEMBALING KASUT KE MUKA CIKGU ?"

Ibu : Kenapalah aku dapat anak yang bangang macam ko nie????

Dua-dua Tak Boleh Pakai

2007-11-25T01:03:00.001+08:00

Dua orang pemandu komplain pasal bos mereka:

pemandu 1: Aku rase cam nak berhenti kerja je.

pemandu2 : apsal plak?

pemandu 1:Bos aku tu dah tak betul agaknye...ade ke patut dier bagi aku rm10 dan suruh aku beli mecedes baru dgn 10ringgit tu.

pemandu2 : La....ari nie kan ari ahad,ko cakap ar kedai tutup....aku lagi teruk drpd ko...tadi mase kat pejabat,bos aku suruh aku balik rumah tengok sama ade dier ade tak kat rumah.

pemandu 1:Ape punye bodo ko nie...die kan ade handphone...suruh ar die call rumah die tanye same ade dier ade kat rumah ke tidak.

Excellent Poems By Not So Famous Poets

2007-11-25T01:02:00.000+08:00

1. A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

2. Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit,
Broken hearted,
Tried to shit,
But only farted.

3. Someone who had a different experience wrote...

You're lucky,
You had your chance,
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

4. Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in Toilets.

I came here,
To shit and stink,
But all I do,
Is sit and think.

5. There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

6. Toilet walls also double as job advertisement space....... (written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line,
the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

7. Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please...

8. On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated
throughout the entire performance.

9. And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your Food...
Please aim properly.