Acts of Balance

What is PR Coaching?

admin — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 14:46:55 +0000

This article appeared this week on the HMA Public Relations blog.

Ever had to have “the talk?”

No, I do not mean the talk that awkwardly occurs between parents and pre-teen children!

I mean the talk with clients, co-workers and even bosses where criticism must be given.

Just thinking about conflict-focused conversations like that gives me, with the mental and emotional makeup of many public relations people (extroverted yet un-confrontational), the hives – but, according to author Alan Cohen , these talks are necessary for any successful business person.

Alan’s latest book, Tough Talks for PR Pros: How to Best Say what Needs to be Said to Clients, Colleagues and Employees, not only touches on this topic, but gives practical advice for PR folks like me. As part of the celebration surrounding the new book, Alan will be a presenter at the PRSA Western District Conference in Denver in March, and coaching me, among others, on how to frame tough talks in a constructive light.

More details here.

So, on this “What is…” Wednesday – we must ask:

Alan, what is PR Coaching?
I think I have the best job in the world, coaching and training PR executives.

Why is that?

First of all, I think PR people are some of the most interesting, dynamic, creative folks out there, so having the opportunity on a daily basis to be inspired by them makes my job pretty great.

Second, before I became a certified professional coach, I was a PR practitioner for over 20 years, both on the agency and client side, which allowed me the opportunity to work on dozens of high profile campaigns – from Harry Potter to the Broadway stagehand’s strike – or in other words, from pure fantasy to harsh reality. I have walked in the shoes of most of the people I coach – from agency principal to account executive.

I’ve enjoyed some great success, but I also know what it’s like to feel burned out; to have to fight for my place at the table, to have to work for bosses half my – to deal with shrinking budgets and unreasonable clients, to be challenged ethically, and to feel as though my job is running me rather than the other way around.

As a coach, I help PR executives stay at the top of their game and navigate the ever- changing landscape of their industries. The 24/7 news cycle and hard economic times have left PR pros often feeling without choice, burned out, and creatively unexpressed. They need objective support.

I coach them on how to become more effective as leaders within their organizations, and help address those difficult situations that may be placing a drain on inspiration, creativity, productivity and resourcefulness. One of the most common things I see is PR folks having difficulty addressing conflict and giving and receiving feedback. Largely an extroverted group, PR folks just don’t like ticking people off. Much of my work is helping them have the tough talks with greater ease.

When I was climbing the ranks in PR, I didn’t have much coaching, and with the exception of the occasional mentor, I pretty much learned by the seat of my pants.

Coaching is not mentoring, consulting, advising or friendship. It is a unique modality that empowers the individual to find their own way, with less stress and greater results.

Coaching is coming out of the closet these days and I expect that in a few years it will be more “who is your coach,” rather than “what is coaching.”

For more tips on how to engage in powerful conversation, check out toughtalksbook.com.

Pull, Don’t Push the Tough Talk

admin — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:41:44 +0000

You really need to do more of this or that? You have to start doing this or that? Ever wonder why, when you are on the receiving end of these words, you tend to shut down. Particularly in a tough talk, when people use a lot of push-like language to make their point — you have to, you should, you must, why don’t you — they are often surprised at the negative reactions of their listeners. Push Talk people are interested in asserting their “rightness” and gaining compliance.

When you are in a difficult discussion – or really any discussion – consider using pull language, rather than push. Use words that communicate that the other individual has choice, words that pull people into conversation and engage, words that create buy in like choose, desire, want, sometimes, seldom, desire perhaps, intend and aim. Avoid words like should, might, need to, have to, can’t, always and but.

You may be surprised at how the entire tone of a conversation changes when you become more mindful of the words you use.

For more tips on how to engage in powerful conversation, check out toughtalksbook.com.

Get your copy of Tough Talks for PR Pros during this exclusive pre-sale at 25% off!

116-pages of techniques and tools to help you tackle the most difficult business discussions with more finesse and less stress
Easy-to-read and accessible, with anecdotes and case studies that illustrate a common problem and a tried-and-true solution
Includes Tough Talks self-assessment and step-by-step process for conquering your avoidance gremlin
With special code at the back of book giving you access to great bonus material
Plus, 25% discount, and a signed bookmark!

Goal of a Tough Talk

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:51:49 +0000

With all of this talk about Tough Talks, what is the goal of one? Under what circumstances would you need to have one? Sometimes it is easy to see and understand why you should have one. Other times, it is not as cut-and-dried.

The ultimate goal of a Tough Talk is a conversation.

“oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas”

That’s the definition of a conversation. But a conversation is not as simple as that. It takes practice. It takes patience. It takes thinking through your goals and must-haves from the conversation.

The goal of a Tough Talk must be clear communication that ends with commitments and a win-win solution.

And what happens when you actually execute a Tough Talk in the proper way?

Ideally, both parties, not just you, will feel more empowered.

Both parties discover that they can make a difference.
Both parties will respect that you have the courage to address a tough-talk situation.

By having a Tough Talk, you will make your world better.

Pre-Order Tough Talks for PR Pros – Starting Today!

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:03:33 +0000

(Book ships first week of March)

116-pages of techniques and tools to help you tackle the most difficult business discussions with more finesse and less stress
Easy-to-read and accessible, with anecdotes and case studies that illustrate a common problem and a tried-and-true solution
Includes Tough Talks self-assessment and step-by-step process for conquering your avoidance gremlin
With special code at the back of book giving you access to great bonus material
Plus, 25% discount, and a signed bookmark!

PRE-ORDER TODAY!

What Tough Talk Are You Avoiding?

What is the cost to your business and your sanity?

It’s possible there are some who take delight in confrontation, but the fact is that most of us rank unpleasant workplace discussion a few rungs below shark attack on the universal ladder of enjoyment.

Unfortunately, tough talks are a fact of business life. And here’s another fact: they don’t always go smoothly or even as planned. People are emotional beings and sometimes they just don’t want to “hear it.”

The good news is that there are basic strategies that can help make confrontations, verbal skirmishes and angry exchanges far more manageable.
Public relations professionals, for whom this book is dedicated, are some of the most extroverted people in the world. Ironically, they are also some of the most non-confrontational people on earth.

Before PR pros can be the masters of tough talks at home or professional life, they need to develop the habit of having them. No one is born with this ability, it must be learned along life’s journey. This fun-to-read book is packed with sound principles and proven tools to help guide PR pros with those tough talks they need to have with clients, colleagues and employees. You’ll learn the power of framing and how omitting extraneous details can make bad news easier to swallow.

And it will demonstrate how confronting difficulty head-on – thoughtfully and sympathetically but without ego or emotion – can earn you the respect and admiration not only of the other person in the room, but of everyone else in the office.

This book is for executives, managers and human resources professionals in public relations — or, any industry where dealing with difficult conversations is part of the job. From firing an employee, pointing out offensive behavior, or confronting a difficult client, this book has the answers.

PRE-ORDER TODAY!

Why You Should Have a Tough Talk

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:43:30 +0000

As I wrote two weeks ago, your values will guide your tough talk. Understanding what you value and what is important in your life, will guide you in deciding whether to have a tough talk and how to approach it.

A Tough Talk is not an angry talk. It is meant to be productive. It is meant to make things better.

If we take a look at values, let’s start at honesty. How do you know if that value is being challenged?

You and your boss have been working hard together in cohesion and are beginning to see the fruits of your labor. But then something happens. All of a sudden your boss begins to keep information from you. And you hear it through the grapevine that you apparently dropped the ball on something (which you didn’t). But nevertheless, you are beginning to get cut out of the loop. You mention it to your boss and he says he is too busy and forgot to give you the new information. So, now not only is your boss not being honest, but is lying, either by commission or omission depending which side you believe. A Tough Talk is now needed.

What can come of having a tough talk?

Understanding EQ Creates Win-Win

admin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:46:37 +0000

Let’s jump right into the topic for this week: Emotional Intelligence, or EQ. We all know what IQ is, but IQ does not help you have a Tough Talk. EQ can and does. EQ is defined as: “Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, describe, identify, learn from, manage, understand and explain emotions.”

When it comes to business and managing clients and/or employees, it is all about having empathy towards others, building healthy, rewarding relationships based on responsible decisions.

So, not only are you nervous about having a Tough Talk, but now you have to worry about all the emotions involved. That’s why having an understanding of EQ is helpful when planning and executing a Tough Talk.

I like to think that adult relationships and kid relationships are very similar. Think back to kids with sports cards or pogs or whatever they trade on the playground or collect through their birthday parties. Kids are great at negotiating trades, win-win situations for each other. Kids just want to be happy. I believe at our core ““ as adults ““ we too want to be happy.

The late renowned child psychologist, Haim Ginott, used to advise that if your child accidentally were to spill a glass of milk, you should not attack his personality, exclaiming “You’re a klutz, you always were a klutz, you always will be a klutz, — but, instead empathize wit him over the fact an unfortunate mishap had taken place, and “let’s clean it up together.”

That’s the key to Tough Talks: working together.

Values Guide Tough Talks

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:14:12 +0000

Before you have the actual Tough Talk, you have to decide that it is the path you want to take. (Chances are, if you’re thinking about it, it is the correct path.)

But the toughest talk you will probably ever have is the one you’re going to have with yourself about having the Tough Talk. I devoted an entire chapter of the book to this area.

In order to shift from thinking “I need to have this Tough Talk,” to “I will have this Tough Talk,” the key is knowing your values.

What are “values“?. To the dictionary, values (both as a verb and a noun) is defined as “to consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance.” That is easy enough to understand and apply to life.

A few values:

Honesty
Integrity
Fairness
Compassion

In general, a Tough Talk comes out of a value feeling threatened and understanding the value that you have and in what way it is being threatened. That will help you determine how to go about having a conversation.

How can having a difficult conversation help address a value that is in conflict?

Your Tough Talk

admin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:30:00 +0000

The beginning of a new year is always an exciting time. Why? Because it is a symbolic “new beginning.” Wouldn’t it be great if it really were a new beginning where all the problems and challenges that you forgot about over the past few weeks actually had been fixed and now you world were back in alignment?

Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. Problems that aren’t dealt with continue to fester and scratch at our emotions. As I teased in my last post of 2011, I spent the end of the year working on my book, Tough Talks, which will be out at the end of February. Tough Talks, when planned for and with the proper mindset, can have a considerable impact on turning those difficult situations around and creating opportunities from problems.

It was a subject matter I have spent my career studying and learning about and after working and coaching on the subject and seeing this challenge nearly everywhere I went, it was time to create a guidebook of sorts.

Tough Talks are hard by definition. My definition of a tough talk is a conversation that truly involves two or more people addressing an important gap in behavior or performance and ends with a clear commitment to a solution that, if not a win for both sides, at least provides something both sides can live with.

Just like you set goals with yourself (hopefully) the end result of a Tough Talk is an actionable solution.

As the book launch gets closer, each week I’m going to dive a bit deeper into Tough Talks, but for now, I want you to think about a situation that is in need of a tough talk.

(photo via Michael Clesle)

What is holding you back from having it?

Here’s to 2011!

admin — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:56:15 +0000

This year has been incredible – unbelievable and life-changing. To quote Charles Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

This past month you have not heard from me a lot, but that is for good reason. For starters, I got married! At the same time, my spouse and I have been rebuilding our home, devastated by Hurricane Irene. Happy to say, things are definitely on an upswing.

But I have also been putting the finishing touches on my book, Tough Talks for PR Pros: How best to say what needs to be said to clients, colleagues and employees, which you will hear more about in January, so stay tuned for that. The book will offer new and different ways to approach difficult business discussions. While this first book is focused on the PR industry, the techniques and philosophy can be used by anyone.

In honor of the end of the year, I thought it would be nice to look back at some of my best received and favorite blogs from the past year.

My Personal Hurricane Journey

Ten Leadership Lessons From My Wheaten Terrier, Bueller

Harry Potter Leads the Way

3 Traits of a Balanced Leader

How to Practice Confidence

Thanks for a wonderful 2011!

Be Grateful

admin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:19:50 +0000

Gratitude is a great topic for a blog post, any day of the year, but particularly around Thanksgiving.

(Photo via flickr.com/photos/23881436@N05/)

Sometimes, when I am in a funk – which doesn’t happen often – I forget to remember all of the things for which I am grateful. The list is long. Today, I am grateful for my partner, my dog, a sound mind, my health, my family and friends, a roof over my head, wisdom and creativity, a career as a coach, instructor, author and speaker, which allows me to serve others in meaningful ways, the ability to laugh at myself, endless opportunities, and so much more.